“Divorce” is a bitter word. Even if the decision was made according to mutual agreement spouses, and no matter how civilized the separation occurs, in any case it is not painless.

Almost always, both sides are to blame in one way or another in a conflict, but there is also a third party, absolutely innocent - children.

How children of divorced parents suffer

A child loves both mom and dad, he realizes himself only in inextricable connection with them. And suddenly this connection is broken... How can a defenseless baby feel at this?

Oddly enough, the range of children's experiences in the situation of parental divorce is very diverse. The child may take events for granted because at least outwardly without showing any mental anguish.

Some children suffer so much that they can end up becoming seriously ill physically. The stress experienced often manifests itself in tearfulness, hysterics, aggressiveness and various fears.

Sometimes a child begins to pee, as if trying to return to “childhood.” Most often, the child is “covered” by a guilt complex. He is not yet able to understand true reasons family breakdown, so he begins to blame himself for what happened.

“I’m bad, that’s why dad left” - psychologists are very familiar with such an attitude, which in the future will come back to haunt the current child more than once in the development of his personality and the structure of his own personal life.

How to tell your child about divorce

It is extremely important to communicate the separation of parents in the right time. Under no circumstances should you “run ahead of the locomotive.”

Speak small child divorce is possible only when the decision is made finally and irrevocably.

Of course, doubts and hopes can still for a long time not to leave each of the two adults, but still, at the time of conversation with the child, it is advisable to be sure of the fact of separation.

Children are very sensitive to our state and our uncertainty. Extra empty hopes for them will result in extra pain and disappointment. No matter how painful it may be for mom or dad, they need to gain strength and talk to the child about divorce as an unpleasant event, but inevitable, and most importantly, normal.

Even though divorce can hardly be called the norm (although statistics, alas, show exactly this), parents must show their child that nothing unnatural or terrible happens in life.

The main idea that you need to try to instill in your child is that life goes on. Mom and Dad loved him and will always continue to love him, even from afar. Parents only divorce each other, not their children.

By the way, it is also useful for some mothers and fathers to realize this and behave accordingly.

Tell the truth

Some especially “compassionate” parents prefer to keep their child in the dark about events happening in the family. Stories about “long business trips” and other similar versions are used to explain why now mom and dad are not together.

The desire to sweeten the pill is understandable - no parent wants to hurt their child. But don't underestimate children's intuition. Children will always, even if they don’t understand, feel that there is something wrong in the family.

If you hide the truth from a child, he will develop an internal dissonance between what he knows and what he feels. This condition can negatively affect a child’s psyche much more than bad news.

Dose out information

Telling the truth about what is happening in the family is one thing. But it’s completely different to dump all the negative details and details on the child with accompanying accusations against the partner.

So, it is enough for a five-year-old child to realize the very fact of divorce and understand his personal prospects in the current situation; for an older child, you can try to general outline explain the reason.

But in any case, mom and dad should remain the same “best” for him as before. And you can always pour out your soul and express mutual complaints to a friend or psychotherapist.

"We" instead of "he"

The concept of “parents” implies a mother and father, forever connected with the child with the strongest ties in the world. It is very important for a small person to feel this unity of parents, even if they failed as husband and wife.

In addition, by saying “we,” the parents make it clear to the child that the decision to separate was a common one, which means both parents bear equal responsibility for both the divorce and subsequent communication.

In this situation, there are no “good and bad”, “victims” and “traitors”, but there are two adults who love their child, but have now decided to live separately.

Don't blame your father

In continuation of the previous thought, I would like to warn against the temptation to blame your partner for what happened. Even if “everything is because of him,” the child does not need to know this.

It is very difficult for children to admit that one of their parents is not the best. When he grows up, he'll figure it out. In the meantime, you need to explain something to the child, based on the fact that there is no one to blame and cannot be. Things just happen in life sometimes.

No tears and hysterics

Divorce is a powerful stress that leaves an inevitable imprint on nervous system both the child and the parents themselves. Anxiety, irritability, tearfulness and even hysterics - such reactions are completely normal in this situation.

Crying is even useful, tears bring some relief, this is a proven fact. But in front of a child, you need to try to prevent manifestations negative emotions. Moreover, you must not only pretend that everything is in order, but really try with all your might to tune in to the positive.

Everyone experiences their problems differently, and divorce is no exception. But the mistakes parents make in such a situation are fairly standard. It is worth listening to the advice of psychologists and trying to solve problems constructively.

The most important principle of behavior should be the rule “do not harm the child.” That is, all your words and actions must be considered under this prism.

If you have doubts about the correctness of your actions, or there is not enough moral forces To cope on your own, it is better to contact a specialist. And it wouldn’t hurt a child in this situation to talk to a good psychologist.

Don't cry “Wolf!”

It was not always easy to get a divorce, and in the past this stopped spouses, although it did not always improve the climate in the family. Now the possibility of divorce is often a way of manipulation, putting pressure on each other by spouses, a method of achieving desired result. Very often, spouses threaten each other with divorce, without having any such intention in mind, and they “scare” each other with this in the presence of children, which is completely unacceptable.

This behavior resembles in its effect famous fairy tale L. Tolstoy about a shepherd boy who amused himself by calling his fellow villagers by shouting “Wolves!” Let us remember that when the wolves really came, the neighbors, accustomed to “ false alarms”, they no longer believed the boy. This often happens in family life, When strong remedies, “heavy artillery” psychological impact used too often - spouses who could have reached an agreement are forced to divorce in the heat of their own mistakes.

Prepare for the conversation

If your decision to divorce is final, and you see no other way out of the current situation, the first serious task that arises before you is How inform the children about this. This is very important point development of your future relationships, both with ex-husband, so it is with children, and you need to treat it with all the attention. It is absolutely clear that you cannot lie to children. On the other hand, it is clear that sometimes it is impossible to tell the whole truth about your relationship without traumatizing the child. Think over the arguments with which you will motivate your child to make changes in your family. First, try one more thing

To understand this, do one more small psychological exercise

Divide a sheet of paper in half, as you have done before, write “-” and “+”. And write down what good you hope to gain as a result of the divorce for yourself and your children and what you expect to lose. Irina A. performed this exercise in psychological consultation as follows.

1. I will not have a husband - the father of the child.

1. I will often invite friends whom my children love so much to visit.

2. There will be no one to help around the house.

2. There will be no quarrels because children have few responsibilities.

3. I will spend less time at home

3. I will see my friends more often

4. You will have to take care of the money yourself.

4. I will quit my low-paying job.

5. Who needs me? I've been over...

5. Embarking on romantic adventures

6. Everything will fall on my shoulders

6. I will raise my daughter the right way

7. We'll have to figure out something about our summer vacation.

7. Finally, I’ll spend the summer with my daughter, not at my mother-in-law’s.

8. The house will be empty

8. Finally, my daughter will have her own corner

Look carefully at the right half of the sheet. Perhaps you want to add something else? Fold the sheet in half lengthwise so that left side was not visible to you. What's on the right are the arguments for divorce, which you must reproduce to your children. It is on these foundations that you will build your future life.

Take a closer look at your child's condition. Children usually sense very well when clouds are gathering in the house, even if they cannot understand what is happening. In order to identify his feelings of fear or anxiety, as well as unspoken desires and expectations that you may not even suspect exist, invite him to complete the following story.

Psychological exercise “News”

Text of the fairy tale: “One boy (or girl, if you have a daughter in your family) returns from a walk (or from school, from the yard where he played football, from the house of friends or relatives - choose the most suitable situation for your child), and Mom tells him: “Finally you have come. I have one piece of news to tell you, “What news does mom want to tell him?”

Typical answers of a child who has no fears: “By lunchtime a guest will come”, “Guests are coming”, “Someone called and told good news (invitation to visit, recovery, birth of a child, etc.), “Mom wants the boy to sit down to study or take a bath”, “Mom learned something important on TV or radio.”

Answers to look out for special attention: “Someone in the family died”, “Mom wants to scold the boy who should not have gone out that day”, “Mom wants to forbid the boy something”, “Mom is angry because the boy is late and she wants tell him that he won’t let him go out anymore.”

If your child gave an answer similar to the answers from the second group, this indicates high anxiety, and in this case it makes sense to quickly clarify your family situation and conduct a conversation about upcoming changes even more psychologically carefully.

So, let's think again about the tactics of the conversation - about what words, in what form to inform the child about the divorce. To avoid mistakes, you need to adhere to some simple but important rules.

The right words

What should elders rely on when talking to children? Pay attention to three psychological “beacons”.

1. Future orientation. It’s better if you take a little break from the sad reality and mentally transport yourself into the future to that point on the time axis, from which all current changes will seem insignificant, and your experiences and problems - just trifles.. Think and talk not about what is happening now, but about what will happen in a few years.

2. Building a favorable perspective. Think and talk about the best that you gain as a result of the divorce and what you expect from life in general, even if it is not that much. Be ready to accept changes for the better - how much passes us by because we do not know how to read the signs that life gives! Therefore, strengthen the best and weaken the worst - this is useful rule not only for a serious conversation with a child!

3. Attitude towards divorce as a transitory event. No matter how you experience it and feel it yourself, your parental duty is to reduce the significance of what is happening in the child’s life. To do this, it is worth talking about other aspects of reality - about children's parties, vacations, choosing a profession and other things that fill life and will allow your family to stay afloat for some time.

And now - a few specific wishes.

Should you talk to your child about divorce? Be sure: constant omissions can lead to fears and other undesirable effects, especially since the child will find out about it sooner or later anyway. There is nothing shameful in the fact that your life turned out this way.

At what age can a child be told about divorce? From about 3 years old. It is enough for the preschooler to tell him that dad will no longer live with you, but you will sometimes go to your grandmother, and dad will come to you. You can tell a teenager more, but not go into details (“he fell out of love, cheated, turned out to be a scoundrel”). The older and older child, the more you can tell him. A teenager can guess what is happening even before the conversation, and it is better not to put it off for too long so as not to lose the child’s trust. If he is very young, then postpone the conversation until the moment when the child has questions about his father.

When should I notify my child? Only when the event has already happened or at least an unconditional decision has been made, and not to precede the divorce by talking about it with the children.

Who should communicate the decision? The most correct thing is if you, the child’s mother, do this, because he will continue to live with you. If you don’t tell him, there will always be a well-wisher who will tell him himself, but in different words, and trust in you will be lost. If the father is the recognized head of your family, then it’s a good idea if he is present during the conversation or even conducts it himself - this will give the child confidence that the father will not be left out of family changes in the future.

In what form should I speak? Any difficult conversation should only be started when you are able to discuss everything calmly. The main thing to focus on is changing your lifestyle. Leave, if you can, the emotional background of what is happening outside the conversation. However, expressing regret rather than joy would be quite appropriate. Kindly and gently explain how your life together. This will remove the fear of the uncertainty of the future. "Everything will be fine! We will be happy together!” - the main thread of your discussion.

In what environment should I speak? You need to try to conduct this difficult conversation in a calm, friendly atmosphere. Set up your child well before the conversation, conduct free time together. Maybe go somewhere with him. Or, if the child is small, play some favorite games. It is important that you are mutually pleased with this communication.

Then choose a time so that no one and nothing distracts you. Maybe you can do this at home, provided that dad is not in the next room, and in general, it’s better for you to be alone. If there are no conditions for a calm conversation at home, then you need to choose a secluded place where nothing will distract the child’s attention. This could be a walk outside the city or a secluded corner of the park. The main thing is that there is no rush and understatement, and that strangers do not interfere with you.

Perhaps the child will have an acute reaction - tears, anger. You need to be prepared for this. You need to caress someone, try to distract them with something, and leave someone alone, but still be nearby.

Talk time . You should have enough time so as not to spoil the conversation. Look at the child’s condition; it is advisable that he is not sick and feels well at this moment. He should not be tired in the evening or, conversely, unnaturally overexcited, for example, after outdoor games. All this is important to know so that the “fatal” conversation does not have even greater negative consequences.

What to talk about and what to keep silent about? It all depends on the age of the child. In any case, you need to clearly and clearly explain the situation to him and paint the future in a positive light. You should not say anything discrediting your husband - that he did not know how to feed his family, it is better to remain silent about the violation of marital fidelity. You should not talk about any cases when your husband’s actions humiliated your dignity. It is quite possible that the question “Why?” will not follow at all, because children tend to accept circumstances as they are.

How many times should I say? Usually one conversation is enough, but it must be serious and comprehensive. Don’t turn the topic of divorce into an endless series, but don’t refuse to answer your child’s questions if he has them. Be prepared for the fact that this topic will arise again in your future life.

Try to control yourself and refrain from typical mistakes divorcing parents. For this, remember three is not allowed:

• You cannot blame your spouse in front of a child (for whom he is not bad husband, and dad).
• You cannot blame other relatives for what is happening (“These are the results of the actions of your beloved grandmother...”).
• You cannot blame the child himself for what happened (“You behaved badly, you were sick a lot, you left home, you smoked, you didn’t help me...”).

But before you start the conversation, you need to think through everything well again - how to clearly and truthfully explain to the children what happened between you and dad, how often dad will see them, where you will live, which relative will visit your house more often than others . To more successfully navigate this difficult but necessary conversation, do the following:

Psychological exercise

Imagine that 3 years have passed since you got divorced. Most difficult period left behind. The children have become more mature and independent (how old will they be in 3 years?). And now the one you will become in 3 years comes to you today, the present one - this is no longer you, but, as it were, yours close friend. Of course, you have something to say to each other, there is something to ask about. Talk to your future. Find out from your twin friend how your life turned out, what major victories and achievements, what difficulties and disappointments you have (are) going to experience. Ask about the children - about their health, successes, interests. Are they happy? Were you able to create for them normal family? Try to see this picture as joyful. Maybe three years later you will again married woman? You will have (or already have) a close, dear person. Will you improve your relationship with your ex-husband? How did you do this? Ask in more detail which of your steps were correct in raising children and which were wrong.

Return to the upcoming conversation with the children. Ask yourself tomorrow, how should you have talked to them about divorce? Which arguments did they accept better than others, and which ones did they find far-fetched? This is a very useful internal dialogue.

Isn't it better to remain silent?

Very often, psychologists are faced with the opinion of divorcing parents that it is better not to tell their children at all that mom and dad will not live together. Many people believe that if it is possible to remain silent, then one should remain silent as long as possible. As the children grow up, they themselves will understand what and how. Dad went on a business trip, and that was it. And even “better” - he died. And not another word. He's not in everyday life child, and there is no reason to talk about him.

Typically, such a belief arises from the fear of having a conversation with a child incorrectly, from the inability to express one’s thoughts and feelings. But this can be overcome. Otherwise, there is still a risk that the “skeleton in the closet” will be revealed, and even at the most inopportune time. Majority modern psychologists are of the opinion that, with the exception of the most “fatal” secrets, the child should know everything about the family (thus, even the secret of the adoption of a child should not always be kept forever). Children should imagine their parents and more distant ancestors as living people with their inherent weaknesses and mistakes, and not as cold “role models.” Who knows, maybe in the future, knowledge about the father’s sin will allow your children to more easily cope with their own family failures.

So, keeping silent about important things is a ticking time bomb. Sooner or later she will explode, and the tension of anticipation is more painful than the feelings that accompany the first difficult conversation. But even if you managed to conduct it psychologically competently, this does not mean that the child will not have new thoughts about it in the future. parental decision and he won't want to discuss it with you. However, children sometimes find it difficult to express their feelings in words. Encourage them to talk. Try to calmly talk with each child about what he thinks about your divorce. Many issues can be discussed gradually. For example:

1. What is he afraid of more than anything in the world?

2. What did mom do wrong?

3. What did dad do wrong?

4. Does the child think that he himself did something wrong?

5. Is there anyone he would like to talk to?

6. Can he plan his own time to meet with his father, relatives, and friends?

7. How would he prefer to spend his holidays?

8. In your child’s opinion, can you be the best mother?

9. Is it possible for a father to become a better person?

10. What did your child like most about your life together? Didn't you like it?

11. During the time that you live alone, what good happened? What about the bad?

12. Does the child cry when he is alone?

13. What do he think his parents expect from him? What are they afraid of?

You may have other questions, but ask them gradually, don’t let it look like the child is reporting to you.

Telling a child that their parents are getting a divorce is not easy. This conversation may be one of the most difficult in your life. Even if adults understand that divorce is inevitable, they constantly quarrel or have already separated altogether, children cannot even imagine the breakdown of the family. After all, they have lived with you since birth, this is natural for them, but it cannot be any other way.

Many people think that divorce is an everyday matter, that soon everything will work out, and in a couple of years the child will forget about what he was told. Psychologists explain that the decisive conversation will be remembered forever. There is no way to make a divorce between mom and dad painless for a child. No and universal method, which would allow the child to more easily cope with the separation of his parents. You can formulate certain rules of behavior that often help, but they need to be adjusted taking into account the characteristics of the family.

When should you tell your child about their parents' divorce?

It is better to inform your child about the impending divorce 2-3 weeks in advance. By this point, you will already be absolutely sure of your decision, and your child will have time to adapt to the changes. Just as importantly, he won't feel left out.

Don't start a conversation in a hurry - on the way to school, in the morning when you're getting ready for work, or in the evening before going to bed. Choose a day off for the conversation. Then both mom and dad will have the opportunity to reassure the child and answer the questions that he will definitely have.

Team up for a conversation with your child

Despite the problems in the relationship, parents should put aside the grievances and reproaches that have arisen and, together, calmly tell the child about what is happening. Even if divorce is the initiative of one of the spouses, tell your child that this is your common decision. Use the pronoun “we” more often when explaining why you are getting a divorce and how you will all live now.

Remember that now is not the time to get upset and bombard each other with mutual accusations. This conversation is not for you, but only for the well-being of your child. He must remain confident that his parents are still on the same page. Therefore, adults should agree in advance on how to behave during an important conversation.

Talk to all the children at once

If you have several children, bring them all together to talk about the divorce. If you are afraid that the elder will scare the younger with his reaction (and schoolchildren better than kids understand the essence of the divorce), talk to each individual separately. However, be that as it may, both parents should talk to the child at the same time.

Explain simply and concisely

No matter how old the child is, you need to tell him about the divorce honestly and in simple words. Do not speak in hints, do not blame each other, do not make excuses and do not remember mutual grievances. Children also have the right to know what is happening in their family, so calmly explain to them why you are getting a divorce, do not hide anything. Complicated and verbose presentation of reasons will only confuse them. You can say, for example, this: “Your dad and I often fought, so we decided that we could no longer live together. This is a difficult decision, but we made it together. It’s not your fault, we both love you as before.”

It is important for children to know how their life will change, whether it will remain stable and safe. Be sure to tell them that you will continue to take care of them: help with homework, take walks, go on vacation together. Explain how often the child will now see the other parent, discuss how birthdays, concerts, and other joint events will take place.

How much detail to talk about the divorce is up to you. In any case, remember that the main thing is to provide your child with truthful information. If he begins to worry or express concerns, answer his questions honestly. If you yourself don’t know something yet, gently explain that everything will be fine, you will find a way out of this situation.

What else does a child need to know about divorce?

• Both parents - mom and dad - will be happier after a divorce.
• Although the parents will no longer be husband and wife to each other, for the child they will forever remain loving mother and dad.
• Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, the sisters will still be family, so the relationship with them will remain the same.
• The child will have 2 homes at once, where they will always be welcome and loved.
• Divorce is no one's fault, it just happens to adults sometimes.

Ideally, you should try to make sure that the child can continue to love each parent without fear of betraying the other. It's becoming challenging task for many couples who get divorced. However, it is very important to strive for this so as not to harm the child psychological trauma.

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What can't be said?

There is no point in denying that divorce is a sad event for the whole family, but it will be good if we can maintain good and respectful relationship with each other. If one of the parents begins to lose his temper or otherwise frighten the child during the explanation, the other must save the situation. Dad can say this: “Mom is very upset, this is difficult for all of us. Let’s take a break and continue talking a little later.” Show mercy if your husband or wife is not coping with the situation. You started this difficult conversation for the sake of children who are having a very hard time.

1. Since you have decided to tell your child about the divorce, do not give him false hopes that his parents will get back together.
2. Do not scold or insult your husband/wife in the presence of children.
3. If possible, avoid the phrase "we" more friend we don’t love a friend,” otherwise the child will think that someday you will stop loving him too.
4. Do not interfere in the child’s relationship with your husband/wife, do not manipulate, forcing you to choose a “bad” and “good” parent. Don't put pressure on your child to take your side.
5. Protect kids from unpleasant details- from information about betrayal, money problems. Explain the divorce in general terms without trying to denigrate or make your spouse look like the victim.
6. Don't involve your children in legal matters.
7. Do not aggravate the child’s emotions by constantly reminding them of the divorce and talking about life after it.
8. Never ask your child who he loves more.
9. Do not use children as intermediaries in your relationship with your husband/wife.
10. Do not placate your child with gifts and discipline concessions, trying to make up for the “guilt” for the divorce.

Child's reaction

Even if the parents’ relationship has deteriorated for a long time, the children hope to the last that they will be able to make peace and stay together. Therefore, you should not think that it will be possible to prepare younger family members for divorce in such a way that it will be absolutely painless for them.

Older children tolerate the separation of mom and dad more easily than kids. However, even at 20 and 30 years old, people can be very worried about the destruction of their parents’ family, so they also need to be told about the impending divorce delicately.

If children are small, you need to take into account their characteristics:

• Toddlers and preschoolers are often perplexed by the news of divorce. Due to stress, they often have problems - insomnia, nightmares. Children sometimes experience bedwetting that they have not previously suffered from. It happens that long after a divorce, children become upset and worried when meeting with a parent who no longer lives with them.
• Junior child school age can fantasize for a long time, dreaming that parents will one day be able to make peace. Therefore, talk to your child about what is happening and why. He really needs explanations and your support.
• Older children understand the situation better. They often get angrier than kids and remain offended for a long time. Many become strongly attached to one of the parents and completely take their side.
• Adolescence is a time sudden changes in life and searching for one’s identity, friends, future. During this period, the divorce of parents becomes the collapse of the whole world, although right now stability and constancy are extremely important. Everything else begins to seem unreliable and dubious to the teenager. Therefore, the separation of mom and dad often causes psychological trauma even to an adult child.

Children react to the news of their parents’ divorce in different ways, so be prepared for anything: hysterics, tears, or ignoring the situation. Some bombard mom and dad with questions. Others are silent and do not show their emotions at all - such children need an incentive to talk frankly with their parents about a sore subject a little later. Don't force this difficult conversation. Try asking a leading question - perhaps the child himself will want to express what he feels. Ask what your child thinks about changes in plans and daily routine after a divorce. Ask your child if he has friends whose parents are divorced and how they live.

Children do not yet know how to clearly express their feelings, thoughts and experiences. Therefore, it is important to gently and casually bring them into conversation. To understand what’s going on in your baby’s soul, watch his mood.

Listen to children, encourage conversations in which they talk about what they think. The sadness of thinking about their parents’ divorce is sometimes much stronger than adults imagine. Every child is naturally self-centered, so his main concern may be the prospect of moving to another school or being separated from friends. Be sure to discuss these points.

It takes time to understand the situation. Therefore, both during the decisive conversation and after it, mom and dad need to remain open to communication. It is important to respond to the emotional needs of the child.

If you can't find the right words, don't be afraid to ask for help to a good psychologist. It will help you and your children cope with difficulties and learn to see the future positively. lose 20 kilograms, and finally get rid of terrible complexes fat people. I hope you find the information useful!

Content

Coping with this stressful situation, how divorce is extremely difficult even for adults, what can we say about the condition of children who unwittingly become participants in these events. And if we take into account that parents, trying to explain what is happening, splash out on their children their own experiences and not always unfavorable statements about the other side of the conflict, then the child receives a double portion of negativity and emotional intensity.

It is no secret that it is children who sometimes become the culprits of broken relationships in the mouths of diverging parents. Some people see in the baby the features of the now hated spouse. The burden that falls on a child’s shoulders when his parents divorce affects his entire subsequent life, and sometimes becomes the cause of problems with upbringing and self-esteem.

Impact of divorce on children

Without a doubt in children of different ages fold up great friend impressions of the events on each other. They also explain the separation of their parents in their own way.

Child's reaction to parents' divorce

Parents who decide to divorce will have to prepare not only for their own experiences, but also for their children’s emotions. Moreover, if adults can control their feelings, then sometimes a child cannot cope with them. Hence nervous breakdowns, and violations physical condition, all kinds of ailments and even serious diseases.

The expression of emotions can be unpredictable. From wild joy to anger or hysteria. You need to prepare for everything.

So what can a baby experience:

Communication with a child

First of all, you need to calm down as much as possible so that the already worried child does not receive an extra portion of emotions. A calm conversation, taking into account the age and condition of the child, will help not to lose mutual understanding and calm the baby.

You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with the child, explain what changes in his life can await him. It would be better if the family gathers in in full force. Both parents will give the little person confidence that nothing bad is happening to him. You should not start a conversation when your baby is upset or worried, so as not to aggravate the emotions. A pre-written plan for such a joint conversation will not allow you to go off topic and will help you express all the necessary thoughts. In some cases, it is better to contact a psychologist and talk with the child in his presence. It is important to create an atmosphere where the child will feel protected. It was not the parents who came to him for help, understanding and advice; the child himself needed support, sensitive care and love.

After a divorce, no matter what the parents' state of mind, the child needs constant attention even more than before the parents separated. If adults feel that their own psychological state cannot afford to continue to communicate with the baby, you need to urgently apply for professional help. Otherwise, both the psyche of the adult and the innocent child will suffer.

A child is not a psychotherapist

No matter how difficult the divorce may be, no matter how much good or bad the spouse who left the family has done, an adult should not, succumbing to a storm of emotions, pour out all his feelings on his children. You should not retell the details of the conflict, ask for understanding from the child and force, perhaps unwittingly, the child to be the judge in a dispute between diverging adults.

How often these same adults, not noticing the children nearby, throw incredible dirt at each other. Which side should the child choose in this case? Who will shout louder or slam the door?

More often, the child remains on the side of the mother, who, in response to insults, begins to react in a feminine way and cry. The father's authority collapses, and then respect and pity for the mother can disappear in the same way. She herself made such a mistake when she married him...

A child will not be able to fully understand the motives for the actions of adults, and relationships with them can be lost very easily and for a long time. To prevent this, you need to talk to the baby in his language, taking into account his interests and both parents, no matter what claims they express to each other in court.

Life after divorce

Restore normal life It's hard for families after divorce. A woman has to take on all the responsibilities and worries that were previously shared between two spouses. To pull out financial situation family and provide all its members with well-being, attention and comfort, a woman needs to be very strong.
It’s quite easy to break down in such a situation, but it is important to avoid the most common mistake, when the baby becomes a vest for the outpouring of tears, emotions and accumulated fatigue. It’s hard for him himself; he shouldn’t put a load on his weak shoulders that he clearly can’t handle.

Another mistake of mothers exhausted by divorce is the double charge of rigor and educational impulse that a woman, in the absence of a man, dedicates to a child. This can result either in maternal dictate, or, conversely, in excessive spoiling of the baby. In both cases, the fault lies with the woman, and both she and the child will have to reap the benefits in the future.

New life

Of course, in full family It is better for children to grow up, but in case constant quarrels and clarifying the relationship, this statement can be challenged. The breakdown of a family affects everyone differently, but according to statistics, it does not cause deep wounds that affect the future of children. It’s worse when the baby lives in daily showdowns.

A vicious family stereotype is formed and reinforced, which the child can carry into his adult life.

And after a divorce, the child is discouraged, knocked out of his usual way of life and feels unusual. He needs to get comfortable. And at the slightest suspicion of deterioration state of mind baby, it’s better to go to a child psychologist.

In the first six months after breaking up with your ex-spouse, it’s good if the baby’s lifestyle is not exuberant sudden changes regime, travel, change of impressions. The child needs to understand that his situation is stable, and nothing will prevent him from communicating with his dad, grandparents. If such communication is difficult, then it would be reasonable to ask for help from male relatives familiar to the child. At this time, the baby needs attention more than ever, as well as heart-to-heart conversations with the baby.

It’s easy for an adult to figure out what possesses him, what hurts his soul or chokes him with resentment. Such analysis is more difficult for a child; the task of parents is to find out in time the cause of psychological discomfort.

You will have to fight your way not only through anger or fear, but also through distrust of adults. And the result of painstaking work with the baby will be noticeable when little man there will be confidence that he will not be abandoned, that he is loved and highly valued, that his parents will not stop caring for him, even living apart, and both are responsible for his future.

How to explain divorce to a child

Divorce, when life together loses meaning, is probably the most correct move. It’s better if all this happens quietly, without harming anyone. mental health parents and baby. But no matter how everything happens, you need to be extremely honest with the child, not forgetting about his age.