Good day, I am dating a 2.5 year old girl, we are from different cities, so we see each other only on weekends, and when she had school holidays, we started dating when she was 15 years old, a month before she was 16, we are 8 years apart, now she is 18 years old We’ve been living together for more than a year, everything was fine, she came to see me, I lived with her for weeks at a time when we met, she always spent the summers in my city, my mother loved her like a daughter. when we had quarrels, I usually came and hugged her, after which she calmed down, and everything became normal, on the Internet we often quarreled but quickly moved away, when we were in the place it was very rare, and then I went on shift, she put a photo on VK, not beautiful asked to change it because it was hard to see there, etc. she didn’t want to change her VK password (although we had passwords from the beginning of the relationship, she trusted me with it and I trusted her with mine) so that I wouldn’t change it, we quarreled on this topic. I asked her do you trust me, she answered no. I freaked out and added her to the blacklist on VK for a couple of minutes. I quickly move away from quarrels, but she is very touchy and takes a long time to move away. and after 5-7 minutes I added her again and asked for an apology, she said that she didn’t love her anymore and didn’t want to see her. I started ignoring her on social media. when he arrived he gave me a bouquet of bears, she accepted Rafaelka’s gifts and told me that she didn’t love her and didn’t give us a chance to be there, she spent the night with them for 2 days, her mother allowed her. We slept in the same bed, but it was impossible to touch her, as soon as I touched her with my finger, she went crazy and screamed at the whole house not to touch her. In all this time I have never hit her. and now she behaves in such a way that you can’t touch her, and hugs are very important to me. and so I tried to visit her often during the day, she smiles and laughs, sometimes she allows me to touch her, but as soon as she touches her, her face changes and she immediately freaks out and says that she won’t give me a chance. and now I don’t know what to do, she asks for time to understand herself. She definitely doesn’t have anything else, I’m sure of it, help me, what should I do without her and I don’t want to let her go?

Sergey, hello.

There is such a wonderful, very wise saying: “You can’t be nice by force.” That's exactly what you're trying to do.

I feel very bad without her and I don’t want to let her go

Sergei, it is not without reason that an adult man connects his life with a very young girl. This is usually due to the emotional immaturity of the man himself. So you don’t care about the girl’s happiness, but about making you feel good. And how she will be in a relationship with you, it seems, is not very important.

It seems that in order for a relationship to improve (either with this girl or with another), you will have to make a cosmic leap - learn to respect the needs and desires of another person. Including to keep personal space from you (passwords from social networks, for example), to let the other go when he does not want to be with you. This is a daunting task, but this step will help you have healthier and more harmonious relationships in the future.

Good luck and awareness.

Sincerely, your psychologist Irina Rozanova, St. Petersburg

Good answer 2 Bad answer 1

Sergey, good afternoon!
I think it's time to talk about a lot talk with your girlfriend. In my opinion, a quarrel over a photo on the Ava is most likely a reason; tension and dissatisfaction have already accumulated on her part, and perhaps on your part too. This often happens when people in a couple do not discuss much about their grievances, plans or wishes for the future.
I think the best option for you now is to prepare and have a serious conversation with your girlfriend about how to improve your relationship. What is important for this:
1. Understand and honestly answer yourself why she is so dear to you, what kind of relationship you want with her in the future. (Do you consider her as a future wife, mother of your children, if so, how long after you want to live together, get married, etc. Are you satisfied with everything in the relationship, what do you like and what do you want to change).

2. Agree on a conversation with her - set a convenient time, place (even if it’s on Skype) and indicate the purpose of the conversation (so that she doesn’t get scared).

3. Prepare your list of questions and topics that are important for you to discuss (and ask her, and voice your opinion). For example, what in a relationship with you she likes, is valuable, and what does not suit her; how she wants to see the development of your relationship in a year, two - five.

4. And then - the most interesting and most necessary - arrange! This means that in those points where your views clearly differ, you need to come to a common ground. Let her tell you the conditions under which she is ready to stay with you. And you will voice your conditions. I am sure that if this relationship is really important to both of you, you will be able to agree on its implementation.

If one of you insists on clearly impossible conditions, or is unable to discuss, this is a sign that this partner is not interested in maintaining the relationship.

I wish you to discuss all the uncertainties with your girlfriend and agree to live happily ever after! All the best to you!

Maria Efimova,
practicing psychologist, coach, Tyumen

Good answer 5 Bad answer 0

Antipyretics for children are prescribed by a pediatrician. But there are emergency situations with fever when the child needs to be given medicine immediately. Then the parents take responsibility and use antipyretic drugs. What is allowed to be given to infants? How can you lower the temperature in older children? What medications are the safest?

It seemed that you had only recently met her, the one from whom your heart began to pound at a frantic rhythm, you were dizzy with a surge of feelings, and your emotions, like a hurricane, engulfed you in the desire to always be near her. She is beautiful, you are happy together, it seems that your love is endless.

But time passes, and now the moment has come when you see that the relationship has changed, love has changed, and if your love may have grown into real love, then for the girl time has shown that you are not a couple, her feelings began to grow colder, and she became move away from you.

I don’t want to accept this fact at all, it seems that all this is temporary, and everything will change, you just need to try, and at this moment a man begins to look for reasons and, as a rule, looks for them in himself, in his attitude, behavior.

Often a man loses self-respect, he forgets about his personality, and only the woman he loves comes to the fore. But this doesn’t help, it only gets worse, and she pushes away with even greater force, clearly showing that she doesn’t want to be with you anymore, that she doesn’t want your meetings and your communication anymore, but at the same time she doesn’t leave, she doesn’t abandon you. and doesn’t put an end to the relationship, maybe it’s out of pity, maybe it’s fear, or maybe it’s a habit, but be that as it may, it’s already quite clear that it’s time to leave. And if your beloved does not have the courage to leave you, then you should do it.

It is much easier and more honorable to let go of the woman you love, rather than to be abandoned by a man, so you need to muster up the courage and let go of the woman you love.

We understand that this is not easy, and for some it seems impossible, so on the Love-911 website we will try to look at this situation and understand what to do and how to let go of your loved one.

You know that in relationships there are always ups and downs, there are both storms of emotions and chills that gradually destroy them. But the whole point is that if two people have feelings, then when a chill begins, each understands how much they do not want to lose each other, a certain awareness comes, and the feelings intensify again, both partners do everything to ensure that this relationship is revived again.
And we must understand that if this struggle is on only one side, then it is a meaningless struggle.
Plus, when you start fighting for a relationship alone, you stop remembering yourself as an individual, trying to please your loved one in everything and running after her, two very destructive things happen:
First: the girl stops respecting, appreciating and cherishing you. Why she stops respecting is probably clear, she stops appreciating and cherishing, since you don’t even give her the opportunity to feel what it means to value you, because you are always at her feet, at her every call you are already with her, any problem - you are there here.
Second: gradually you will begin to hate yourself for humiliating yourself in front of her, for the fact that she “forced” you to experience such pain. Actually, this is already enough to understand that in order to continue living, you need to let go of your beloved.

How to let go of your loved one

1. Accept her feelings

Accept the fact that a girl may not feel the way you would like for her.

2. By closing some doors, life opens new ones.

Difficult breakup

How to let go of your ex-girlfriend

Suffering and sadness.

Beginning and first steps.

Don't go to her page.

Don't go to "your" places.

Her friends.

Negative.

When will I let her go?

Print

How to let go of your ex-girlfriend

Get the girl back

How to let go of your ex-girlfriend

Not all of our relationships lead to a happy marriage, and not all of our relationships are destined to end on a happy note. Based on this, we can say that each of us will experience several unhappy breakups with girls in our lives, and some of them will forever remain in our memory.

And we all need to solve one big and fateful task: to transfer memories from the “painful” category to the “we were young, happy and stupid” category. And you can achieve this state with the help of three stages that every guy with a broken heart has to go through.

Why you need to let your ex-girlfriend go

We've known a lot of guys who have been pining over their ex-girlfriends for years. They constantly tried to return to their past relationship, tried to get in touch with the girl, looked for her face on the street in the crowd. But most importantly: they refused other girls, even if they were worthy and attractive girls. The guys actually put themselves in a cage of empty hopes and ruined their lives.

It is for this reason that you need to let go of your ex-girlfriend, so that she does not occupy a place in your heart reserved for new feelings and emotions. This is the only way to enjoy life again, have an interest in girls again and improve your sex life.

If a guy wants to become happy again, he must let go of his ex and forget about the dreams associated with her forever.

How to let a girl go - stages

Suffering and sadness. If a guy really loved a girl, then after breaking up there comes a moment when the holes in his heart begin to remind themselves more and more. And the situation takes on the form that only in the company of friends or at work can a person live, and as soon as he is left alone with himself, he is consumed by melancholy.

Even girls, friends and alcohol are willing to do anything they can to help a guy avoid this stage in his life. Anyway, sooner or later such a wave will cover him, and he will suffer!

And this stage will last until the guy empties himself completely, when there is no longer that person left inside whom he would feel sorry for. A person who could enjoy life and love will die inside!

Beginning and first steps. After such devastation, the man will again come out into the light and begin, step by step, to learn to live without his girlfriend. He will understand that time can be spent with friends, and not necessarily with a girl. He will understand that many girls communicate as sweetly and romanticly as his ex-girlfriend. He will begin to look for new acquaintances, he will begin to look for new warmth in people, which he missed so much.

And the danger at this stage is excessive cowardice and weakness, because it is so easy to retreat back into your dark world when other people burn you with their energy and emotions. Only the one who conquers the fear of the unknown will be able to let go of his girlfriend and move forward to a new star!

Recovery and new love. As soon as a person is able to improve his life without a girl in his life, he will understand that he has a lot of free time and energy for new feelings and emotions. Someone completely devotes himself to a new hobby, someone improves their skills and abilities, and someone sets off on a sailboat of love to new shores.

This is a whole new world that is open to the guy, a world in which there is no more room for suffering, pain and emptiness. And this is exactly what a guy should strive for.

Letting go of the ex-girlfriend's anchors

An anchor is any thing or emotion that connects your feelings and emotions with your ex-girlfriend. For example, a mug that a girl gave for an anniversary, or general photos that the two of you took together. These are all those things that first make you a little happier, and then plunge you back into the darkness of misery.

Delete all photos of the girl. Many of us love to look at photos of our girlfriends, especially if they are racy photos. But to make it easier for you to get rid of the girl, you need to completely remove them all. Of course, a few days after deletion, you will reproach yourself for this step, you will try to restore them or somehow find them again. But, find the strength within yourself and delete these photos!

Don't go to her page. Put yourself a block or punish yourself in some way so that you can’t go to your ex-girlfriend’s page. Almost all guys after breaking up begin to spy on their ex-girlfriend, and also spy on a guy who is at least somehow connected with her. Don’t look for connections, don’t torment yourself with various thoughts, just give up on it.

Don't go to "your" places. Absolutely all guys, after breaking up with a girl, start going to common places, or start walking near the girl’s house, in the hope of seeing her at least for a moment. Believe me, you will simply waste your time, and such a chance meeting will give you absolutely nothing! Rid yourself of this.

Her friends. You don't need to discuss your girlfriend with your mutual friends and ask them to tell her something. If it happens that a girl gives you another chance, you will be the first to know about it. Asking friends to spy on your girlfriend or give her something: stupid and useless, don't waste your time on this.

Negative. Sometimes guys are so upset by the breakup that they begin to say a lot of unflattering words to their ex-girlfriend, and then realize that it was said in vain. As a result, they set themselves the goal of apologizing to the girl for these words, creating an additional anchor debt for themselves! It’s better not to do anything stupid in the first place than to somehow justify yourself to yourself later.

When will I let her go?

You will be ready for a new relationship when all the memories and feelings about your ex-girlfriend turn into something distant, pleasant and completely unnecessary. Then you will be ready for new feelings and achievements. Know that this is difficult, but it still needs to be done.

We have been dating for 8 months, at first we went through many trials, we did not understand each other, we made compromises and concessions to each other, when we went somewhere, we gave each other reports, we set a certain time, she recently began to say that I set the framework, I said: let’s agree somehow differently! Although, to tell the truth, I set boundaries, argued, swore, quarreled, we communicated every day by phone, via SMS, saw each other almost every day, everyone was jealous of our relationship, but we had quarrels often, when we fought, when it was my fault or when she is to blame, I always took the first steps, it happened that I ran, made various beautiful gestures, flowers, gifts, cards, candles, made surprises, pleasant things, everything was fine, 3 days ago we had a fight, she said that she wants to be alone, I love you, I’ve never loved anyone like that, I love you very much, but I’m tired, you’re putting pressure on me, I want to be alone! I said: okay, I won’t push, she said: no, it’s too late, my patience is over, and I tried and tried to talk, her best friend thought that we would make peace, she talked to her and told me: she loves you, she doesn’t have anyone, she’s just tired and wants to be alone, we saw each other, she said everything, why she’s tired, why I’m pressing, I told her, I understood everything, I said, I promise it won’t be like that, she cried all the time, she said, I love you, but it’s too late, I want to be alone, let me go, I’ve decided everything, I don’t want any relationship with anyone at all, I want to be free and that’s it!
My friend said that she is used to the fact that when you fight, you run after her, so she shows character, her friend says: don’t communicate with her for now, don’t put pressure on her, then we’ll see!!! please give me some advice, what should I do???? I want her back.

Jakha, Tashkent, 21 years old

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Jaha.

She is probably tired of pressure and constant stress (conflicts, quarrels, clarifications). It is necessary to take a break from each other and then reconsider the ways of interaction.

Sincerely, Lipkina Arina Yurievna.

Getting your girlfriend back can be difficult, especially if your relationship ended on a low note. However, if you believe that there is an incredible connection between you, then it is worth gathering the cooled coals and trying to rekindle the extinguished flame. If you want a girl to want you back, give her time to remember and realize how amazing you are. And to understand how to do this, just follow the next steps.

Steps

Step aside temporarily

1. Give the girl some freedom. You may think that the best way to get your girl back is to fight for her with all your might and by any means possible, in fact it is better to give her some breathing space than to rush into battle right away. Unless she's in a serious relationship with another guy and you're determined to break it up, play it casual and give her time to heal and re-evaluate the relationship with fresh eyes.

   • This doesn't mean you have to cut all ties unless you think it's best. But you shouldn’t text her every five minutes or ask her to go out with you all the time, as you will only push the girl away.
   • If you leave her alone, she will likely think about you too. She'll think she hasn't heard a word from you for a while. For a girl, this will mean that you are happy without her. This will intrigue her and make her think about how you are doing there.
   • If she initiates meetings fairly early, that's good. But don't rush to get too close when you're together.
   • Giving the girl some freedom will make you look more mature. This will make her want you back even more.
   • Of course, you shouldn’t delay taking active steps. Give her enough time to heal her wounds, but not too much time that she forgets all the wonderful moments with you. Cases are different - trust your intuition. However, the general rule is to give it at least a couple of weeks, but no more than two months.

2. Think about what went wrong. When giving the girl some freedom, do not sit idly by, watching the movement of the clock hands. Instead, think about why things ended between you. If the reason is obvious, like you didn't spend enough time on it, great. But if the situation is more complex, for example, you did not let her know how much you value her and spent too much time partying, then you need to pinpoint the problems that caused feelings to cool down.

   • If the girl was the initiator of the breakup, then the problem is more serious. Think about all the reasons that could have pushed her to break up. If things ended abruptly, look through your emails and text messages to find a possible reason for the breakup.
   • If you've ended a relationship, it's a completely different matter. You need to convince the girl that you won't break her heart again.

3. Make a plan to solve the problem. Do you understand the essence of the problem? The decision is yours. If there are multiple problems, you need to find multiple solutions, or one comprehensive solution that solves each of them. If the relationship is broken because you spent too much time with friends, find ways to give her more attention by having weekly date nights and finding more activities to do together. And if the reason is your inability to communicate normally, bring honesty and compassion into everyday relationships.

   • First of all, you need to work on yourself. It's clear that you weren't perfect in your relationships.
   • Change your attitude towards the girl. If her passion for horses is driving you crazy, find a way to not be so annoyed by it before moving on.
   • If there are a lot of problems, make a long-term plan of action, regardless of whether it relates to psychotherapy, addiction cessation, or a kind of overhaul of the soul.

4. Work on yourself. Even if you think that you have pinpointed the problem and found a solution that will instantly get your girl back, nothing comes that easy. Instead, work on becoming a more attractive person overall. And when you appear in front of the girl again, she will feel the difference. We are talking about both internal and external work on ourselves. A new hairstyle is unlikely to impress a girl, but the cheerfulness and conscious changes that you make to your image will make her pay attention to you.

   • Devote more time to your favorite hobbies, be it cycling or mechanics. When a person devotes himself to something he enjoys, he becomes more positive and becomes much more pleasant to communicate with.
   • Develop a more positive attitude towards life. If a girl feels happier just being around you, she will most likely want to see you as often as possible.

   Make a girl want you back

   1. Show the girl that everything is fine with you without her. If she finds out that you are completely miserable, crying in public and screaming her name at every corner, she will forget about you faster than you can say that you miss her. Instead, make sure she knows and sees that you are having a great time every day without her. She will see you as an active, vibrant person and will wonder why you don't openly show that you miss her more and more.

      • Have fun in places where you're likely to meet her. Show that you're having fun with your friends, let her see you laughing and having fun, but don't overdo it.
      • If you see her socially, for example at a party, don't drop everything to run and ask how she's doing. Ultimately, approach her, but make it clear what an active social life you have without her.

   2. Let her friends know that she needs you. Here's a fact: it's impossible to get a girl back if her friends don't support your candidacy. If your friends don't like you because you were too controlling, neglectful, or simply because you're a bad guy, then your goal is to convince them that you're not that bad, and then they'll pass on that information. girl.

      • When approaching her friends, try to make nice conversation without seeming too intrusive.
      • When communicating with her friends, do not immediately mention her. Although you can casually ask how she is doing and really let them know how hurt you are if you are capable of being so vulnerable.

   3. When the time comes, slowly approach her. Once enough time has passed and you are back in her sight, you need to slowly begin to come back into her life. When you run into her, stop and talk for a few minutes, or casually place your tray next to hers at dinner, or even text her if you know her favorite show is coming on TV.

      • Stay calm. Be nice to the girl, making it clear that you just want to remain friends. Don't shower her with compliments on the second date after breaking up.
      • Once you start communicating again, raise the stakes slightly. Offer her something simple, like drinking coffee or getting ready for a class in the library together. It's not time for romance yet.

   4. Show how you have changed. Shouting "Look how I've changed!" - no need. Just spend more time with the girl so that she understands that you have changed your attitude towards life, if necessary. If she thought you were too sloppy, work on your appearance. If she criticized you for always being late, make an effort to show up early for your next coffee date. You should not focus on what you have changed in yourself. Let the girl see everything for herself and she will be truly impressed.

      • Change should come naturally to you. Don't change anything just to appease the girl, otherwise everything will return to normal as soon as possible.
      • If you feel like you really hurt her when you were dating, it's never too late to apologize. She will be touched that you thought so much about the relationship after it ended.

   5. Stimulate your worth. Yes, that's right. Even when you think you've almost got your girl back, even when she finally realizes what a tasty morsel you are, it's not time to declare your love. Instead, cast the bait so that she understands that she still has to fight for your love, and not just rush into your arms. As you start dating more and more often, don't forget that you don't have to be available all the time.

      • Disappear for a few hours and let her wonder where you are. She'll just go crazy.
      • After dates, mention them without too much detail, and she will think that she might actually lose you.

   6. Make sure she wants you back. Once you feel like you've got her attention and made her jealous, it's time to make sure she really wants you back before confessing your feelings. You don't have to know her feelings with 100% certainty, but the more confident you are in them, the less you will have to blush. Here are some signs of her desire to rekindle the relationship:

      • Pay attention to her body language. When you speak to her, does she lean closer to you and look into your eyes? Does she look down every time she gets embarrassed?
      • See if she is jealous. Does she ask if you date other women or does she seem upset when you talk to girls? If so, then she wants you to be only with her.
      • See if she's started to treat you like her boyfriend again. Does she hug you, compliment you, and ask you out on dates with particular enthusiasm?

   7. Confess your feelings. Once you're sure she shares your feelings, there's no point in beating around the bush. Find a time when you can be alone and a romantic place with the right atmosphere. Now look into her eyes and tell her how much you missed her and how much you want to be together again. There is no need to humiliate yourself, but you need to show that you have thought a lot about the failed relationship, and are now determined to change everything for the better.

      • Be convincing. Show how much effort you have put into changing instead of making empty promises.
      • Give her time. If she turns you down at first, don't get angry or disappointed. Remember, even if the girl wants you back, her emotional wounds may not have healed yet.
5. Don't take relationships for granted. Just because you're dating again doesn't mean you shouldn't rush to show her how much you love her.
6. Take your time. Treat the relationship like a new one instead of falling back into the old relationship. Don't spend all your time together, even if that was the case before the breakup.

7. Don't repeat the same mistakes. There is no need to constantly think about unsuccessful relationships, but you need to be aware of what caused the breakup last time. If the reason was that you were spending too much time with friends and you find yourself doing it again, settle down a little. And if it all ended because of the girl’s actions and everything repeats itself, have the courage to talk about it.

   • Remember how terrible you felt after making mistakes the first time. You don't want to feel that pain again.
   • If you feel like you can't be yourself without setting your relationship up for failure, then you need to rethink your priorities.
   • Be confident. Remember, the girl loves you, not the meek version of you who needs her attention.

• Be discerning. Evaluate your ex-girlfriend before you do anything - she may have changed for the better or for the worse. Either way, you either won't like the changes or it might be easier to get her back.
• When spending time alone with your ex, don't openly insult her new boyfriend, as this will make your true intentions obvious and put you in an awkward position.
• Put aside all differences and leave no unresolved issues before embarking on this mission.

How to let go of your ex-girlfriend

Get the girl back

How to let go of your ex-girlfriend

Not all of our relationships lead to a happy marriage, and not all of our relationships are destined to end on a happy note. Based on this, we can say that each of us will experience several unhappy breakups with girls in our lives, and some of them will forever remain in our memory.

And we all need to solve one big and fateful task: to transfer memories from the “painful” category to the “we were young, happy and stupid” category. And you can achieve this state with the help of three stages that every guy with a broken heart has to go through.

Why you need to let your ex-girlfriend go

We've known a lot of guys who have been pining over their ex-girlfriends for years. They constantly tried to return to their past relationship, tried to get in touch with the girl, looked for her face on the street in the crowd. But most importantly: they refused other girls, even if they were worthy and attractive girls. The guys actually put themselves in a cage of empty hopes and ruined their lives.

It is for this reason that you need to let go of your ex-girlfriend, so that she does not occupy a place in your heart reserved for new feelings and emotions. This is the only way to enjoy life again, have an interest in girls again and improve your sex life.

If a guy wants to become happy again, he must let go of his ex and forget about the dreams associated with her forever.

How to let a girl go - stages

Suffering and sadness. If a guy really loved a girl, then after breaking up there comes a moment when the holes in his heart begin to remind themselves more and more. And the situation takes on the form that only in the company of friends or at work can a person live, and as soon as he is left alone with himself, he is consumed by melancholy.

Even girls, friends and alcohol are willing to do anything they can to help a guy avoid this stage in his life. Anyway, sooner or later such a wave will cover him, and he will suffer!

And this stage will last until the guy empties himself completely, when there is no longer that person left inside whom he would feel sorry for. A person who could enjoy life and love will die inside!

Beginning and first steps. After such devastation, the man will again come out into the light and begin, step by step, to learn to live without his girlfriend. He will understand that time can be spent with friends, and not necessarily with a girl. He will understand that many girls communicate as sweetly and romanticly as his ex-girlfriend. He will begin to look for new acquaintances, he will begin to look for new warmth in people, which he missed so much.

And the danger at this stage is excessive cowardice and weakness, because it is so easy to retreat back into your dark world when other people burn you with their energy and emotions. Only the one who conquers the fear of the unknown will be able to let go of his girlfriend and move forward to a new star!

Recovery and new love. As soon as a person is able to improve his life without a girl in his life, he will understand that he has a lot of free time and energy for new feelings and emotions. Someone completely devotes himself to a new hobby, someone improves their skills and abilities, and someone sets off on a sailboat of love to new shores.

This is a whole new world that is open to the guy, a world in which there is no more room for suffering, pain and emptiness. And this is exactly what a guy should strive for.

Letting go of the ex-girlfriend's anchors

An anchor is any thing or emotion that connects your feelings and emotions with your ex-girlfriend. For example, a mug that a girl gave for an anniversary, or general photos that the two of you took together. These are all those things that first make you a little happier, and then plunge you back into the darkness of misery.

Delete all photos of the girl. Many of us love to look at photos of our girlfriends, especially if they are racy photos. But to make it easier for you to get rid of the girl, you need to completely remove them all. Of course, a few days after deletion, you will reproach yourself for this step, you will try to restore them or somehow find them again. But, find the strength within yourself and delete these photos!

Don't go to her page. Put yourself a block or punish yourself in some way so that you can’t go to your ex-girlfriend’s page. Almost all guys after breaking up begin to spy on their ex-girlfriend, and also spy on a guy who is at least somehow connected with her. Don’t look for connections, don’t torment yourself with various thoughts, just give up on it.

Don't go to "your" places. Absolutely all guys, after breaking up with a girl, start going to common places, or start walking near the girl’s house, in the hope of seeing her at least for a moment. Believe me, you will simply waste your time, and such a chance meeting will give you absolutely nothing! Rid yourself of this.

Her friends. You don't need to discuss your girlfriend with your mutual friends and ask them to tell her something. If it happens that a girl gives you another chance, you will be the first to know about it. Asking friends to spy on your girlfriend or give her something: stupid and useless, don't waste your time on this.

Negative. Sometimes guys are so upset by the breakup that they begin to say a lot of unflattering words to their ex-girlfriend, and then realize that it was said in vain. As a result, they set themselves the goal of apologizing to the girl for these words, creating an additional anchor debt for themselves! It’s better not to do anything stupid in the first place than to somehow justify yourself to yourself later.

When will I let her go?

You will be ready for a new relationship when all the memories and feelings about your ex-girlfriend turn into something distant, pleasant and completely unnecessary. Then you will be ready for new feelings and achievements. Know that this is difficult, but it still needs to be done.

Question for a psychologist:

Hello, my name is Alexander, I'm 21 years old. I haven't had much luck in my life: my mother died after 3 years of battling kidney failure when I was 13; my father drank and beat me constantly, did not give me peace; I had 3 close people who helped me: my aunt (mother’s sister), a childhood friend with whom I lived in the same house, and a friend from school. I have been dating a girl for the last 3 years. We met at the university and it so happened that we studied at the 1st faculty in the 1st stream. I fell madly in love with her. For the first six months we talked a lot, shared our opinions, talked about eternal issues, then we began to spend more and more time together and decided to date. At that time, she was in a hopeless relationship with a guy whom she had been dating for 3 years, they had not seen each other for weeks, did not communicate, he offended her, etc. I helped her get out of this relationship and entered into a relationship. A period began when we saw no one but each other, I spent almost all the time with her and I liked it. I was crazy about her and she often came to my house and at one time even lived. Her parents also accepted me very well and therefore I spent all holidays and events in her family. This went on for over a year until I became severely depressed. A lot of negative events happened at one moment: my father went on a drinking binge and began to attack my grandmother (his mother), my mother’s sister was hospitalized and the doctors said that nothing good could be expected, a very close friend moved abroad, a friend I got married and her husband forbade her to communicate with me, I also realized that I looked very bad, that, in fact, I couldn’t do anything, any of my attempts to do anything ended in failure. There was also chaos at home: my upstairs neighbor was flooding me and there was a small fire in my apartment. I understood that these were my problems and did not want to share them with the girl, fearing that she would not want to date me after that. I drove myself and thought about committing suicide, then I reluctantly told her about my intentions and she said that she wanted to come, but I refused, saying that if she came, I would not open it to her. This hurt her very much and she took it as a betrayal (she said so). I overcame all this thanks to her, but she no longer wanted to talk. I began to come up with plans on how to make peace with her and how to continue the relationship. Then I decided that I would come to her with flowers and ask for forgiveness. For the future, I made a plan that immediately after university I would invite her to move in with me and marry me. A month later, I was able to make peace with her, but everything changed a little: we began to see each other less, talk less, she began to pay more attention to other people, our meetings very often turned simply into intimacy. I felt very bad, I didn’t know how to find a place for myself. I didn't know what to do. Without realizing it, I began to reproach her for the fact that we began to communicate less, she pays less attention to me, and stuff like that. I walked around very upset and felt bad, she didn’t seem to take it seriously. Then the new semester started and I stopped talking to her there, she constantly spent time with her friends, but we still talked when I went to her house. This was the case until mid-December. In mid-December, she was offered participation in a development project. She had dreamed about this for a long time, I knew it and gave her complete freedom. We spent the New Year together and it seemed to me that this project breathed new life into our relationship. But I now understand that she only liked the project and her improvement in her relationship with me was simply due to her mood. We began to see each other and communicate even less. There were only 2 school days in the new semester and she constantly sat at home and worked on the project. I came to her, but she did not react to me at all. I decided to talk to her about this, she offered to choose a time for our meetings, but for some reason I refused. I couldn’t cope with the negative feelings in myself and, seeing her twice at the project, I simply demonstratively left. The second time she stopped me, I realized that I was doing terrible things and asked for forgiveness, calmed her down and somehow we made peace. She continued to work on the project and I didn’t get involved until I found out that she was going to Moscow with the guys from the project. I was very jealous and had no idea what to do. On Thursday I found out that she was going with some guys to some concert and decided to talk to her. We talked for several hours, walking down the street, I raised the topic of our relationship, once I even said that we needed to break up, she said that she didn’t know what was wrong with her and she needed to think about the reasons for this. After this conversation, we went home; she did not go to the concert. On the bus, I realized that I shouldn’t have done this, because this is her favorite activity, I tried to rectify the situation, but she said that she needed to think. And then on Friday evening... she answered that she could not forgive that betrayal and no longer felt anything for me. I didn’t believe what I was reading and went to see her at night. Having arrived, she began to talk about all this in tears, I could not answer her anything specifically and simply asked her not to part with me. We talked all night. I was either filled with anger and resentment, or with love and the desire to return her. I said a lot of things, most of them without even realizing it. In the end, she said that she didn’t want this to happen again, that she didn’t believe me and didn’t want to meet. In the morning I went home almost crying. I didn’t know what to do and wrote her different thoughts about how I love her, that she is the most precious thing to me, that I can’t imagine life without her, that I can’t let her go. In the end, she decided that if her parents gave us a chance, she would allow it, but no... They said that they should have separated during my depression, that they didn’t like my attitude towards things, that I was dragging my feet too much and I couldn’t interest her that I lost her and we had to break up. My conversation with her father went smoothly: I explained the situation, he said that he had nothing against me, but the well-being of his daughter was important to him. I said that I love her very much and cannot let her go. Today I am in complete despair, I feel very bad. I wrote to her about this, that I couldn’t live without her, to which she said that it was hard to be around me, I have a very complex character, which she doesn’t understand. That I have chances for the future and I don’t need to ruin them. That after breaking up with her I will become stronger, smarter. That I will find more people who will appreciate, love and respect me. I don’t know what to do, I love her very much and don’t want to lose her, I can’t imagine how to live without her. I started thinking about suicide again and continue to write to her about my feelings, but she says it’s too late. Without her I am left completely alone. How should I deal with this situation? How to get your relationship back? Or how to forget about them?

Psychologist Ekaterina Aleksandrovna Markelova answers the question.

Good afternoon, Alexander. Yes, yes, exactly kind, and this is exactly how every day should be for you! Life is something worth waking up for every day, smiling and enjoying it. LIFE IS ONE and it will be the way YOU make it...

At the very beginning of the letter you say that you are not very lucky in life, but if you look at it from the other side, perhaps this is not so. Of course, the loss of a loved one is always a trauma for our soul, but there were people close to you who We were able to support and console you.

I re-read your letter several times, and most importantly, those questions that you would like to find answers to. Breaking up a long-term relationship is always painful, but the main thing is to stop and drive yourself into a corner. We often don’t understand how this happens, because we loved each other friend, lived with each other, breathed the same air and suddenly something broke, something went wrong. But this is life and no one is to blame for this. Let go of the situation, try not to call again, not to write to your girlfriend, perhaps when she stops receiving from she will want to find out for herself how you are doing by texting you and receiving calls. Try to devote more time to what you love, relax, meet new people, reconsider your attitude towards the current situation.

And most importantly, you are still so young, you have your whole life ahead of you! Appreciate this time, you only have youth! Life is priceless, be above your thoughts, appreciate life!

4.4 Rating 4.40 (5 Votes)

Getting your girlfriend back can be difficult, especially if your relationship ended on a low note. However, if you believe that there is an incredible connection between you, then it is worth gathering the cooled coals and trying to rekindle the extinguished flame. If you want a girl to want you back, give her time to remember and realize how amazing you are. And to understand how to do this, just follow the next steps.

Steps

Step aside temporarily

1. Give the girl some freedom. While you may think that the best way to get your girl back is to fight for her with all your might and by any means possible, it's actually better to give her some breathing space than to jump straight into the fray. Unless she's in a serious relationship with another guy and you're determined to break it up, play it casual and give her time to heal and reassess the relationship with fresh eyes.

   • This doesn't mean you have to cut all ties unless you think it's best. But you shouldn’t text her every five minutes or ask her to go out with you all the time, as you will only push the girl away.
   • If you leave her alone, she will likely think about you too. She'll think she hasn't heard a word from you for a while. For a girl, this will mean that you are happy without her. This will intrigue her and make her think about how you are doing there.
   • If she initiates meetings fairly early, that's good. But don't rush to get too close when you're together.
   • Giving the girl some freedom will make you look more mature. This will make her want you back even more.
   • Of course, you shouldn’t delay taking active steps. Give her enough time to heal her wounds, but not too much time that she forgets all the wonderful moments with you. Cases are different - trust your intuition. However, the general rule is to give it at least a couple of weeks, but no more than two months.

2. Think about what went wrong. When giving the girl some freedom, do not sit idly by, watching the movement of the clock hands. Instead, think about why things ended between you. If the reason is obvious, like you didn't spend enough time on it, great. But if the situation is more complex, for example, you did not let her know how much you value her and spent too much time partying, then you need to pinpoint the problems that caused feelings to cool down.

   • If the girl was the initiator of the breakup, then the problem is more serious. Think about all the reasons that could have pushed her to break up. If things ended abruptly, look through your emails and text messages to find a possible reason for the breakup.
   • If you've ended a relationship, it's a completely different matter. You need to convince the girl that you won't break her heart again.

3. Make a plan to solve the problem. Do you understand the essence of the problem? The decision is yours. If there are multiple problems, you need to find multiple solutions, or one comprehensive solution that solves each of them. If your relationship is broken because you spent too much time with friends, find ways to give her more attention by having weekly date nights and finding more activities to do together. And if the reason is your inability to communicate normally, bring honesty and compassion into everyday relationships.

   • First of all, you need to work on yourself. It's clear that you weren't perfect in your relationships.
   • Change your attitude towards the girl. If her passion for horses is driving you crazy, find a way to not be so annoyed by it before moving on.
   • If there are a lot of problems, make a long-term plan of action, regardless of whether it relates to psychotherapy, addiction cessation, or a kind of overhaul of the soul.

4. Work on yourself. Even if you think that you have pinpointed the problem and found a solution that will instantly get your girl back, nothing comes that easy. Instead, work on becoming a more attractive person overall. And when you appear in front of the girl again, she will feel the difference. We are talking about both internal and external work on ourselves. A new hairstyle is unlikely to impress a girl, but the cheerfulness and conscious changes that you make to your image will make her pay attention to you.

   • Devote more time to your favorite hobbies, be it cycling or mechanics. When a person devotes himself to something he enjoys, he becomes more positive and becomes much more pleasant to communicate with.
   • Develop a more positive attitude towards life. If a girl feels happier just being around you, she will most likely want to see you as often as possible.

   Make a girl want you back

   1. Show the girl that everything is fine with you without her. If she finds out that you are completely miserable, crying in public and screaming her name at every corner, she will forget about you faster than you can say that you miss her. Instead, make sure she knows and sees that you are having a great time every day without her. She will see you as active and full of vitality, and will wonder why you don't openly demonstrate that you miss her more and more.

      • Have fun in places where you're likely to meet her. Show that you're having fun with your friends, let her see you laughing and having fun, but don't overdo it.
      • If you see her socially, for example at a party, don't drop everything to run and ask how she's doing. Ultimately, approach her, but make it clear what an active social life you have without her.

   2. Let her friends know that she needs you. Here's a fact: it's impossible to get a girl back if her friends don't support your candidacy. If your friends don't like you because you were too controlling, neglectful, or simply because you're a bad guy, then your goal is to convince them that you're not that bad, and then they'll pass on that information. girl.

      • When approaching her friends, try to make nice conversation without seeming too intrusive.
      • When communicating with her friends, do not immediately mention her. Although you can casually ask how she is doing and really let them know how hurt you are if you are capable of being so vulnerable.

   3. When the time comes, slowly approach her. Once enough time has passed and you are back in her sight, you need to slowly begin to come back into her life. When you run into her, stop and talk for a few minutes, or casually place your tray next to hers at dinner, or even text her if you know her favorite show is coming on TV.

      • Stay calm. Be nice to the girl, making it clear that you just want to remain friends. Don't shower her with compliments on the second date after breaking up.
      • Once you start communicating again, raise the stakes slightly. Offer her something simple, like drinking coffee or getting ready for a class in the library together. It's not time for romance yet.

   4. Show how you have changed. Shouting "Look how I've changed!" - no need. Just spend more time with the girl so that she understands that you have changed your attitude towards life, if necessary. If she thought you were too sloppy, work on your appearance. If she criticized you for always being late, make an effort to show up early for your next coffee date. You should not focus on what you have changed in yourself. Let the girl see everything for herself and she will be truly impressed.

      • Change should come naturally to you. Don't change anything just to appease the girl, otherwise everything will return to normal as soon as possible.
      • If you feel like you really hurt her when you were dating, it's never too late to apologize. She will be touched that you thought so much about the relationship after it ended.

   5. Stimulate your worth. Yes, that's right. Even when you think you've almost got your girl back, even when she finally realizes what a tasty morsel you are, it's not time to declare your love. Instead, cast the bait so that she understands that she still has to fight for your love, and not just rush into your arms. As you start dating more and more often, don't forget that you don't have to be available all the time.

      • Disappear for a few hours and let her wonder where you are. She'll just go crazy.
      • After dates, mention them without too much detail, and she will think that she might actually lose you.

   6. Make sure she wants you back. Once you feel like you've got her attention and made her jealous, it's time to make sure she really wants you back before confessing your feelings. You don't have to know her feelings with 100% certainty, but the more confident you are in them, the less you will have to blush. Here are some signs of her desire to rekindle the relationship:

      • Pay attention to her body language. When you speak to her, does she lean closer to you and look into your eyes? Does she look down every time she gets embarrassed?
      • See if she is jealous. Does she ask if you date other women or does she seem upset when you talk to girls? If so, then she wants you to be only with her.
      • See if she's started to treat you like her boyfriend again. Does she hug you, compliment you, and ask you out on dates with particular enthusiasm?

   7. Confess your feelings. Once you're sure she shares your feelings, there's no point in beating around the bush. Find a time when you can be alone and a romantic place with the right atmosphere. Now look into her eyes and tell her how much you missed her and how much you want to be together again. There is no need to humiliate yourself, but you need to show that you have thought a lot about the failed relationship, and are now determined to change everything for the better.

      • Be convincing. Show how much effort you have put into changing instead of making empty promises.
      • Give her time. If she turns you down at first, don't get angry or disappointed. Remember, even if the girl wants you back, her emotional wounds may not have healed yet.
5. Don't take relationships for granted. Just because you're dating again doesn't mean you shouldn't rush to show her how much you love her.
6. Take your time. Treat the relationship like a new one instead of falling back into the old relationship. Don't spend all your time together, even if that was the case before the breakup.

7. Don't repeat the same mistakes. There is no need to constantly think about unsuccessful relationships, but you need to be aware of what caused the breakup last time. If the reason was that you were spending too much time with friends and you find yourself doing it again, settle down a little. And if it all ended because of the girl’s actions and everything repeats itself, have the courage to talk about it.

   • Remember how terrible you felt after making mistakes the first time. You don't want to feel that pain again.
   • If you feel like you can't be yourself without setting your relationship up for failure, then you need to rethink your priorities.
   • Be confident. Remember, the girl loves you, not the meek version of you who needs her attention.

• Be discerning. Evaluate your ex-girlfriend before you do anything - she may have changed for the better or for the worse. Either way, you either won't like the changes or it might be easier to get her back.
• When spending time alone with your ex, don't openly insult her new boyfriend, as this will make your true intentions obvious and put you in an awkward position.
• Put aside all differences and leave no unresolved issues before embarking on this mission.

The girl suggested breaking up... Maybe she was joking, said it in the heat of the moment, in the heat of the moment? At this moment, many thoughts are running through your head - from the pompous “life has given a crack” to the everyday “no one to iron your shirt.” Turn on cognitive analysis and figure out what the girl means and how to proceed.

exponential gap

pause in relationships

breakup true

Selection of a dating site

The girl suggested breaking up: what does this mean?

If a girl wants to break up, the idea of ​​getting drunk or losing herself in the arms of another is good, but not the best. First, awaken the psychologist, analyst and strategist in yourself to understand the reasons, of which there may be at least three.

Indicative gap

With the words “That’s it, I’m tired, we need to break up”, flying from the lips at the moment of fuse, they do not go away, but show emotions. The content of this “we need to break up” could be anything - I want to be held in my arms, I want a fur coat, not enough sex. Or simply PMS with its unmotivated destructive desires. Or the girl is testing you for manipulability. Or develops training practice (she left, you rushed after her to fulfill her wishes).

You need to be a sensitive partner who knows how to understand the moods of your “half”. If, in general, the relationship is prosperous, without “mutual pain, troubles and insults,” as Mayakovsky wrote, there is no threat. We'll talk below about how to get out of an awkward situation when someone kicked you with a heel.

Pause in relationships

If a girl suggests breaking up, saying, “We need to take a break, live separately, figure ourselves out,” don’t panic. This is probably true. Women are brave and straightforward creatures. They say what they think. A pause means a pause. Now, for some reason, she doesn’t want to continue the relationship, but for some reason she can’t put a dot on the i.

Only you know why the girl took the toothbrush (but left some things) and left to sort herself out. These could have been quarrels out of nowhere. Or she got bored in the company of your hopeless attempts to diversify her leisure time. Perhaps you stuck to your line and did not take her opinion into account. In general, be grateful that you didn’t stick a note with the words “I can’t take this anymore, I’m sorry” and didn’t sink into oblivion, like one of Carrie’s suitors from the TV series “Sex and the City,” but talked to you honestly, although she left behind a feeling of slight understatement.

Parting true

Sometimes girls decide to break up seriously, having accumulated in their memory a sufficient number of reasons for breaking up or, worse, having met a more convincing male. It is important to understand the following here. A girl going nowhere is tormented by doubts until the last moment. And at this very moment, while she weighs and analyzes the correctness of the action, everything can change. There were stories when a man stood up and the girl became tightly attached.

If the reason for leaving was a competitor who, apparently, has bypassed you, there is practically no chance. At least while their candy-bouquet period lasts. But something can be done in this hopeless situation.

The girl asked to break up: what to do

So, she staged a show breakup, turning on the “it’s your fault” option. If you are really to blame, and she deliciously ate your brain out about it, take note of the entire list of reproaches, lower your eyes and hug her. In principle, the incident is over. The question is - do you need such a bitch who will continue to point to the door or slam it loudly for every offense? If you need it, bend over. Admit your guilt. And if not, become better, stronger and taller. If tricks with leaving happen regularly and out of the blue, tell them that the door opens in one direction.

Don't take her irrational lamentations to heart, but pay attention to the real claims. In the absence of real complaints, firmly and confidently stop manipulation.

Now about the pause in the relationship. Remember this: a pause is not just a pause. If a girl says “we’ll break up for a while,” you should understand that after this time, her ideas about you will not fundamentally change. The problem will not solve itself. The past with all its grievances will not go away. Therefore, right now, during the pause, it is important to strain yourself in order to revive the relationship. And if you continue to be a “mattress” and a “dog,” even the feeling that flared up again after separation will evaporate faster than boiling water.

Find out what caused the “pause”. Admit that you didn't live up to her expectations. Let them know that you value the relationship and want to preserve it. During the “pause”, continue to be attentive, sympathetic and caring.

In half the cases, the suspension of the relationship ends in its complete termination. However, 50% is a good chance to not give up.

If a girl wants to break up forever and communicates this not in the process of smashing tableware, but over a cup of coffee in a cafe where she invited you, she probably hatched the idea for a long time and thoroughly. Approximately three months, psychologists say. Here it is important to understand whether the horse is dead or not. It's time to get off or you can spur it on. But there is no need to go too far, turning from an “ordinary young man” into a well-written suitor who shows the highest degree of care and attention. It won’t be possible to maintain the level of maximum output (time, money and effort) for long, and she will still leave, having certainly received pleasure from your gentlemanly agony.

If the reason for the breakup was another young man, while saving face, wish her happiness. Show that you respect her choice. Communicate your readiness to renew the relationship. Give thanks for everything.

Saving face in any situation is a quality that many modern men lack. “Saving face” means looking like a winner even when you actually lose.

Broke up with a girl: how to forget and start living

Let go of the past and you will get the future. This is the answer to the question “what to do if a girl breaks up with me.” Start small - delete her phone number, friend her on social networks and stop following her there. And here are a couple more practical tips under the heading “broke up with a girl, how to forget.”

• Scientists have found that rupture provokes the production of adrenaline in the body. This is a genetically determined reaction to stress with accompanying symptoms - headaches, fatigue and anxiety. Getting rid of excess adrenaline is simple - lace up your sneakers and go to the gym.
• Do you feel empty? Load your refrigerator with delicious food. Foods with tryptophan - found in cheese, fish, meat, mushrooms and nuts - will help cope with depression and blues. Caffeine, vitamin D and Omega-3 fatty acids have antidepressant properties. A cup of coffee with chocolate, a good steak or grilled salmon is what you need right now.
• In general, congratulations. You are the lucky one who had the opportunity to start life from scratch and do what you wanted to do before, but did not succeed due to a banal lack of time (relationships are a time-consuming resource). This is called freedom. Enjoy it, old man.

So, if a girl offers to break up, don’t believe it, don’t be afraid, don’t ask. “I respect your decision, but I want to preserve our relationship,” your answer will at least discourage her. And even if everything is serious, and she really leaves, remember, life has no dead ends. There are traps into which we drive ourselves. And only those who look up conquer the peaks.