Hello, dear readers! Transition is a big challenge. The parents lose control over the child and try in every possible way to restore the boundaries of their power, but the girl resists with a force directly proportional to this.

The most important thing now is not to think first of all about yourself and your needs, but to try to find common language. This is the only positive way out of the situation that will help your daughter become a strong and full-fledged person.

Today we will talk about teenage problems for girls: you will find out which one life stage where your daughter is, what thoughts are tormenting her, how to help her cope and again, as well as several of the most common problems that moms and dads face.

What's happening to her

Girls, unlike boys, have a slightly easier life. The body itself suggests that some changes have occurred. They provoke a response from the psyche and push to new thoughts.

If you believe psychological research Erik Erikson about, then from 12-18 years of age (this can begin at 14 or 16) a person enters the teenage stage of development. Focusing primarily on his peers, he tries to find himself, to find answers to global questions: what do I want from life, who am I in this world, what attracts me. His own is being built.

If nothing interferes with the development of a teenager, but on the contrary, his friends and parents contribute in every possible way, he becomes true to himself and his own beliefs.

When relationships with parents leave much to be desired or other factors interfere with his development, he experiences mental discord, attacks of aggression, and he stops trusting himself and others.

What should parents do?

Many parents think about themselves first. They want to live in peace, to know where the child is, what he is doing now. His desires, in fact, are not so global - and harmony. However, all this is now fading into the background.

The main value for a teenager is freedom, and it is very difficult to give it while remaining calm. However, the best thing you can do now is to expand the boundaries of what is permitted a little. Only in this case will you be able to maintain at least some control over her life.

The girl becomes an adult and the creation trust relationships– the main task. You are no longer able to keep track of everything, you cannot control it as before, you can increasingly help solve problems only thanks to the advice that you were asked for.

Prohibitions and punishments will worsen the situation. They will only teach the girl to hide and defend herself. At this age, teenagers become maximalists, often about whom they read or watched films. Not long ago they began to express their opinions, to feel a certain power, influence on others and destinies. They imagine themselves as revolutionaries, study and try different ways.

If now you show power and use forceful methods, then the girl will never learn to talk and use rational ones. She can become withdrawn and will hide things even as an adult. own feelings and emotions, will completely suppress aggression and will not be able to resist injustice. The second option is that she will learn to use drastic and unreasonable methods of pressure.

Right now, parents are facing important task, their main function as psychologists is to teach the girl correct reactions. Help her. You can learn more about this period and find the most effective ones in the book. Laurence Steinberg "Coming of Age."

Common problems

What problems do parents of teenagers most often face? Let's look at some of them, as well as methods for correcting the situation and behavior.

Obsession with electronic devices

In some families, computers are placed in the living room to monitor what sites the child spends time on. Some people use programs to control time and even create a database of inaccessible electronic resources.

In this case, the girl does not have any, and the parents show the maximum for a teenager. Of course, this is the most in a negative way affects the relationship with my daughter. How can she share her secrets if she is not trusted?

Think about what is really important and expand the boundaries of what is permitted a little. Perhaps if you limit your child's time on the laptop, you can allow her to use all electronic resources. Remember, forbidden fruit is sweet, and people learn to lie masterfully early enough.

If you want the girl to spend more time off the Internet, show her other hobbies. Offer to spend time together, a pottery set or sewing machine. When choosing, do not be guided by your own desires, but by her interests. What will not please you as a parent, but will really give her pleasure.

, lies, hostility towards parents

Aggression and lies are just reactions to a situation. The child is still trying different things: tears, hysterics, screams, compelling arguments, deception, and so on. The one that led to the most beneficial result, in his opinion, will be considered acceptable, and therefore repeated. It is in your power to teach a girl alternative.

That's basically all. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter to learn a little more about children, their upbringing and yourself. Until next time.

IN at a young age When girls are full of sensuality and romanticism, their outlook on life changes dramatically. It is at the age of 15 that they acquire an increasing need for the attention of the opposite sex. This is explained simply - at this age, reproductive system baby, which is close to completion this stage. Parents are starting to face a problem permanent absence daughters at home. She spends more and more time outside with her peers, and fears arise as she begins adult life already a big child.

My daughter has a boyfriend, what should I do?

If your daughter has a boyfriend, then first of all, do not panic, as most parents do. Believe me, nothing bad has happened yet.

Invite your daughter's boyfriend to your home to understand how your daughter lives. Surely, you will be categorically determined in advance. After all, your fears paint the most terrible pictures, afraid of the very thing, what if she makes mistakes. Try not to show your dissatisfaction in the presence of a new person.

You may want to immediately conclude that this is not the person your girl needs, but don’t rush to conclusions. We need to figure it out and understand why she chose him, what attracts her to him. Perhaps she likes the qualities in him that she herself possesses!!!

To get to know her boyfriend better and do correct conclusions, invite him to some event, for example, on a birthday or other holiday, maybe your family has traditions of spending time in nature? Conclusions about a person can still be drawn from the way he treats pets; if he loves cats and dogs and there is no sign of carnivore, but on the contrary, he knows how to treat them, then this speaks of his good qualities.

Rules of conduct with your daughter's boyfriend

Even if you really don’t like the guy, still don’t interfere, because a negative attitude moves you away from your goal. Yes, yes, your daughter will simply get angry with you that you do not take her opinion into account, and will stop sharing her most intimate things with you. If, when communicating with her boyfriend, you behave with dignity, that is, you do not demonstrate your dissatisfaction, then perhaps your daughter herself will ask for your opinion. This is a great conversation starter. To begin with, underline in it good qualities. There is a rule: before you scold, you need to praise. Now having heard something good about your young man, your daughter will listen to you carefully. You can talk about what alarmed you about him. For example, you know, it seemed to me that he was addicted to alcohol. Just like that. In order for your daughter to listen to you, you must give an objective opinion. After this conversation, let her know that she is already an adult and should be able to resolve such issues herself. Perhaps in your will suit the situation such a phrase: “He may not be so bad, but you deserve better.” This will make her think.

A mistake many parents make that they list a person’s shortcomings and put them on a pedestal. The daughter, having heard complete negativity about the person she likes, stops hearing you and the conversation ends in a scandal. Be wise. First of all, you want your child good husband, so there’s no need to rush at each of her guys as a potential husband.

My daughter has many boyfriends, what should I do?

Many parents are very worried when their daughter changes boyfriends one after another, she simply goes through them, not the best thoughts come to mind. Look at it more positively, perhaps she is not that ill-mannered, but simply has not yet been able to figure out what kind of relationship will bring her joy and affection in the future. Help her with advice, have a heart-to-heart talk, ask about these guys, what your daughter liked about them, what she didn’t. Tell us about how you imagine teenage relationships, while being adequate in your ideas about young age and teenage love. Even the very fact of talking with your child will give you a lot, there will be more trust and less suspicion on your part. Just find the thread that will connect mother and daughter, or daughter and father, and fear and unreasonable worries will fade into the background

It seems like just yesterday you were braiding your little daughter’s hair and leading her to kindergarten, to first grade, to music school, and today she diligently hides a piercing in her navel, tunnels in her ears or a tattoo on her back, and a young man meets her from school, five to seven years older than her, and with him, of course, she has serious relationship and love for life. And you understand everything perfectly well: this is teenage self-affirmation, self-identification, awkward age and rebellion, but you still fall into hysterics and are ready to “kill” her on the spot...

What to do?
The first and most important thing is to calm down. Take a deep breath, exhale slowly. Now let's figure out what went wrong and where and what to do about it. You must understand that from childhood, a mother is the only role model for her daughter. But the stages of interaction change, the daughter experiences internal changes in self-perception, various identification processes. Different perceptions of a mother by a daughter at the ages of 2, 5, 12, 17, and so on, can certainly leave their mark on these relationships. The attitude towards the mother can be contradictory - the daughter is proud of her mother, praises her and loves her. But at the same time, the mother, in the eyes of her daughter, can act as an offender, an encroachment on her internal boundaries. Closerness and distance, resentment and an inexhaustible feeling of love, guilt and apathy, fatigue and hopelessness - there is a wide range of feelings in the relationship between mother and daughter.
The desire to separate and at the same time feel the support of the mother is what the daughter is trying to combine and maintain. The mother’s position can be different: cold aloofness, indifference, or strong control, encroachment on the daughter’s personal space. The process of bringing mother and daughter closer and further apart could unfold like a dance, but more often there is a fierce struggle for similarity and dissimilarity, from which both sides suffer. And many conflicts between mother and daughter are passed on from generation to generation. In these relationships there is no equality as such - neither the mother nor the daughter is aware of their unconscious hidden motives. They can only intuitively feel that something is wrong.
We can give only a few tips to help you build a line of behavior with your daughter. However, no one knows or can judge your relationship better than you, so the degree of mutual understanding and trust in your communication depends only on both of you.

1. Attention to appearance.
Doubt about one's external attractiveness is a common problem for a teenage girl, the source of many complexes and failures in her personal life. No matter what external characteristics nature bestows upon your daughter, you must raise her from a very tender age in the belief that she is a beauty. Emphasize your strengths. Don't laugh at her shortcomings: plumpness, freckles, a snub nose - all these are unique features of her personal charm.
Of course, there is no need to overdo it in this matter either. You don't want your daughter to suffer from inflated self-esteem, which is rare, but it does happen.
Don’t stop your daughter from experimenting with cosmetics for the first time; let her try lipstick, eye shadow, and mascara. Help her, teach her how to use cosmetics correctly. If possible, go together to a professional makeup artist.
If your daughter suffers from excess weight, sign up for a gym, aerobics, or yoga together. She is unlikely to walk alone, and her friend may not support her in this matter.
During adolescence, it is better to try to become a friend and older mentor to your daughter. Then she will get used to consulting with you on issues related to appearance, and you, without sharp denial, will discuss and weigh all the pros and cons of this or that step.

2. Love in the family is the key to a daughter’s personal happiness.
Strict upbringing has its costs. A generation of women in particular, raised by super-demanding parents, cannot escape the idea that love must be earned. Hence the excessive diligence, the victim complex and the inability to simply recognize oneself as loved. Deprived in childhood obvious manifestations parental affection, the girl, like a butterfly, will fly to the first light of that light, which will seem to her like love. Consequently, she can become the prey of any rogue who is not too lazy to pat her on the head and say a few gentle words.
The girl needs to be pampered, but, of course, set a certain limit. She must realize that she is loved. The one who is loved will learn to recognize dislike and instinctively begin to avoid an atmosphere of unlove. This is the key to her personal happiness.

3. Talk!
Any mother always has a lot to do and work. But, despite your busy schedule, you must not forget to communicate with your child. Create an atmosphere for communication. For example, in the evenings on a soft sofa, have a tea party and discuss how your day went. Don’t forget to talk partially about your affairs and problems. Let your daughter feel like a full-fledged interlocutor and give you advice. Often, the advice of a child with a completely different outlook on life can help you in what seems to be the most insoluble problems.
Learn to listen to each other without criticism. Be interested in what interests your daughter. She should feel free to express her thoughts and feelings, even if they are different from yours. By respecting your daughter, you will help her learn to respect herself and you.
Communicate more: discuss the news of the day, interesting articles in magazines and other issues general development. Often parents complain about their child’s poor horizons, while doing absolutely nothing to help him expand this horizon.
Discuss safety rules. Teach your daughter to understand people and situations. Don't intimidate, but warn against being too gullible. The wise learn from the mistakes of others. Talk to your daughter about dangerous cases from the lives of your friends, about what you know from the press. Let her learn to avoid everything that threatens life, health, and reputation.
And, of course, don’t be afraid to bring up personal issues. Gently ask if she has a boy friend, if she is in love, tell her about your experience of falling in love for the first time.

4. Cultivate kindness and mercy.
Teach a girl to notice other people's pain. Let her try to help the weak and sick as much as she can. Don’t be afraid to pull back sharply if your daughter makes fun of someone’s shortcomings in front of you. Children can be cruel without realizing it. Encourage a desire to help. Do not flatly refuse if a girl brings a stray puppy, kitten or bird into the apartment. Caring for pets is great compassion training. If it is impossible to leave the animal in the house, try to find a home for it together.
And, of course, explain to your child that they need to take care of their loved ones. It is better to show by example, taking care of elderly relatives, loved ones, and friends. But do not forget about the balance of mercy and prudence. Not everyone who asks really needs the help they ask for.

5. Develop thriftiness and independence.
Someday your daughter will become a completely independent girl and, most likely, will live separately from you. Therefore, with adolescence, and better yet, you need to instill responsibility for maintaining household. It is not so difficult to instill in a girl the skills of washing and cleaning, cooking and sewing.
First, teach her how to clean her room. Explain to her that her room is her personal space, and she is responsible for this space, and its condition must comply with the rules of the entire house. If frequency and order are maintained throughout the house, then her room should be as tidy as possible. It's just a matter of small things: don't forget to keep the whole house in order yourself.
Cooking is one of the most exciting activities. Choose recipes together, ask what your daughter likes, try something new. Of course, it is difficult to attract a teenager who is constantly trying to evade household chores and runs to friends at every opportunity to cook. So improvise. If possible, invite your daughter's friends and organize a cooking group. Or hold a competition in several stages (for example, every Sunday for a month) to see who can cook the best food, and let other residents of the house judge the dishes. Set a prize - something your daughter has been wanting to have. Remember, you are main example for your daughter.

6. Your daughter is an individual.
Identifying and developing individuality in a child is perhaps one of the most difficult activities. Contribute to the development of your daughter's personality, but do not try to break her individuality. You planned to raise a lawyer or a doctor in the family at all costs, and your daughter writes poetry and loves solitude. You dreamed of a musician and singer, but she loves horses and is preparing herself for a modest career as a rural veterinarian. Support the positive things that are clearly and consistently evident in your child.
Don't stop your daughter from pursuing the goal she has chosen. You can and should voice your opinion if you don't like this goal or realize it's a mistake. But it will be her mistake, and she will have to go through it herself, experience this experience, in order to then move on, more wise man. How are you loving mother You will be there, support and help as much as you can.
Embrace your daughter's independence. She is her own person and you must accept the fact that she can make her own decisions. Monitor her activity. Be interested in her hobbies, help, but do not impose.

7. Don't alienate your daughter's friends.
Almost all mothers do not like their daughter’s friends, and even more so her boyfriends. Don't forget that these negative emotions in most cases are more likely to be caused by jealousy or excessive anxiety than actually real danger. We fear what we don't know.
Meet your daughter's friends, invite them to tea, Sunday lunch, throw a small party, agree with your daughter on time limits and ask permission to stay at home for the first time to greet the guests. Set yourself up for positive attitude to friends, because you, as a mother, will be ready for the negative anyway.
Your daughter has a boyfriend. Not every daughter wants to introduce her friend to her mother. You need to assure her that you are interested in her choice, that you obviously treat it well, since your daughter chose it. Even if this is not the case, you will have to use all your acting skills to convince her of this. Because the main thing is to get to know a person well and only then draw conclusions!
Express your opinion, but do not sharply prohibit this or that communication, unless, of course, your daughter is in danger. If you are still sure of this, contact a specialist.

8. Create your common traditions.
Nothing brings people closer together than traditions that have developed over the years. Create traditions that only you and your daughter will have. You can, for example, go skiing together every winter, go to the movies together once a month, go to the pool together once a week, or every March 8th spend a day for yourself, visiting a beauty salon, going to the park, to nature, to grandma’s house. dacha Find something that will interest both of you. It’s even better to cement these traditions with shared little secrets.

Before blaming your daughter for something or criticizing her, try to look at yourself from the outside: perhaps, with your behavior, attitude, inattention, you have instilled in her some actions. IN difficult situations Of course, you should contact a psychologist. Everything can always be fixed if you approach the situation with a cool mind and a loving mother’s heart.

Adolescence is the most difficult period for parents. They feel responsible for the creature they raised, while the creature is this cute little lump that just recently drank breast milk, - now claims to be an independent person. He claims aggressively, vehemently, perhaps with scandals, because he still doesn’t know how to do otherwise.
Teenage rebellion is associated, first of all, with finding oneself. And only then - with hormonal and physical changes.

The inflated “ego” of a teenager says, first of all, that he is looking for this very EGO - and so far cannot find himself in this big and cold world.

Teenage daughter: ways of approach

So, you have a teenage daughter who has become completely unbearable. What to do?

I recently read my teenage diary and realized what I would like in my relationship with my mother. Maybe this will help someone (author's note)

1. Help her find external beauty and popularity
   100% your girl has a lot of complexes. Even if she acts confidently and defiantly. Moreover, defiant behavior most often speaks of complexes. She is uncomfortable in her body and in her vision of the world. Turn it on A real woman and older friend, and help her. Tell me how to stick proper nutrition, pick it up together sports section where she can direct her energy, invite her to buy the clothes she wants and cosmetics together. Want that horrible skull t-shirt? Okay, this is her style, her life, her image. If family budget“she’s pressed for time” - give her ideas on where to earn extra money, or if things are really tight, show her how to choose stylish things at a second-hand store. She will be grateful to you all her life. Can you give her some tips on how to charm boys? Do you think it's too early? And now is the time for her. Just to be confident.
2. Let her know that her feelings are important to you.
   A teenage daughter is 200% likely to be a bundle of emotions, even if she behaves like a martinet in front of you. This is that period of her life when the punk cries into her pillow. Mom, don’t belittle the significance of her experiences. You know, the most painful thing in this regard is when you have already experienced so much in your lifetime and laugh at her “childish” dramas. For her, during these dramas, the world may collapse.
   
   

3. Travel with her
   

   Take it on trips out of town, to the sea, to the mountains. When she grows up, it will be yours joint travel, impromptu barbecues, night swims, conversations on trains and road adventures will become her warmest memories. When traveling, people get closer and barriers in their relationships disappear. In addition, a teenage girl is drawn to everything new and interesting. Perhaps your overnight trip to the forest or a “savage” trip to the sea will replace her bad company and bad habits.
   
   
   
   

4. Let her know that you value her freedom and opinion.
   The most traumatic thing for a teenager is when he is still considered a child. Pushing a teenage girl away from you is a piece of cake if you shout from the balcony in front of her friends, “Lena, are you wearing a hat???” Or there - “Kira, who will fold the socks???” Believe me, she will be trolled with these socks for a long time. For a teenager to be known as a mama's daughter in the company of authoritative friends is a quiet horror. Therefore, it is important to turn off hyperprotection in time and move on to friendly partnerships. Your daughter will be pleased if you consult her opinion on some points for which you consider her too small. Get crazy together, pose for Instagram, create and dream. In short, become her older friend, this is what she needs most.
   
   

5. Tell her that it's hard for you too
   

   You are not made of iron, and your teenage daughter needs to understand this. Share your feelings with her, focusing on emotional state. Tell me (just without breaking into a scream) what you experience when she walks somewhere late, or when she smokes. How hard it is for you to spend the money she spends recklessly. But! Please, just no reproaches. Accusations, beating one's chest and stories about what a failure the daughter is and "who did I raise anyway" will only make the problem worse. Teenagers tend to take parental dissatisfaction personally. Instead of “You are good, you just do the wrong things,” they hear “You are the mistake of my whole life, why did I even give birth to you.” Programmed in this way, the “error” begins to behave accordingly.
   
   
   But a friendly heart-to-heart conversation will make the child understand you better. Sometimes a teenage girl behaves unbearably only because she cannot understand what you want from her and why you need it. At this age, children are very sensitive, and despite their apparent isolation, empathy is not alien to them.

Prepared by Eva Kirtz specifically for the site. By the way, you can smile and take your mind off pressing problems.

Hello! I didn’t want to write to you for a very long time, because I read somewhere that people turn to a psychologist, thinking that he will help solve their problems, but in fact they just talk it out with him, and that’s all. I'll tell you about myself and my relationship with my daughter.
I got married at 30 and gave birth at 33. I was still pregnant when my husband left me. The child developed a complete allergy to literally all foods, including breast milk and infant formula. In a word, it became a little easier with nutrition only when my daughter turned ten. From birth, we also couldn’t boast of our health; we always ended up in the hospital three or four times a year. How hard it was for me when my daughter was little! It seemed that he would grow up, start helping, and become my pride and support. But now she is seventeen years old, and it’s not just hard for me, it’s very painful for me. From the age of 12, big troubles began, quarrels with classmates, with me, constant threats: I would stab myself, hang myself, throw myself from the ninth floor. I secretly cut my veins, though not to the point big blood. Several times I found razors and ropes with her, every day we have scandals and threats. They can curse me and call me the dirtiest words. I went to school psychologist, we talked a lot. She made it clear that out of loneliness I was too nagging at my daughter.
At school she is a good girl, the teachers are jealous that I have a beautiful and smart daughter. Not a good student, but an activist. She loves to dress beautifully and expensively and endlessly change her outfits. She doesn’t clean up after herself; putting things in order at home is a rare occasion for her. I tried to talk to her several times, but no, truces only happen before the next new purchase- when she needs to buy something, she behaves like a good girl. I notice that I feel more and more emptiness in my soul towards my daughter, I don’t even want to talk to her. And I can’t force myself. She has so much contempt and hatred for me! When I was sick, she said: “When will you die?” I have higher education, I occupy a leadership position, but I can’t understand anything here. The cats are scratching at my soul, I try to communicate less with girlfriends and acquaintances, so that, God forbid, I don’t accidentally tell about myself. Even my daughter’s classmate said to me last year: “How much you spoiled her!” And from birth I felt very sorry for her - I was sick endlessly, I worked so hard myself. My mother helped me, now she is over 80, my daughter also offends her very much. I used to enjoy cooking for my daughter when I was at home perfect order, I managed everything. And now after work I force myself to go home, and nothing is a joy. I understand that everything depends on me. I need to talk to her, but I seem to be numb, my mouth won’t open, I can’t. We silently pass each other, often sobbing into my pillow, and that’s how we live. The closest people to me are my mother and daughter. I think why am I living if only daughter can call me a pig and a beast. I used to try to talk to her and hit her when she was younger, but it was no use. I told her: “But my smart daughter says such words to her mother!” I don’t know if you will understand me. I even cry silently at work so that no one can see how I feel. I often read your newspaper, wives complain about their husbands, husbands about their wives, but this is how I exist. Help me, please, we have our whole life ahead of us, but we live in such hatred!!! How did it all turn out this way and why?

Answer from theSolution psychologist:

You did the right thing by turning to specialists for help. Acute emotional experience the situation does not contribute to its resolution. Such emotions often indicate that a person does not feel the strength to change anything (a state of frustration). Of course, a psychologist will not be able to solve problems for you, however, a specialist can give you tools to resolve them, help you figure out what you can do differently in order to be more effective and feel good. A specialist can also give you emotional support which helps to get out of an emotional crisis. Absolutely every person sometimes needs support and help, and there is no need to be ashamed of this.

Your daughter is counter-dependent

This means that your daughter has not passed one of the critical stages of personality development early childhood– separation stage. This is a very important stage individual development personality ra. Normally, a child undergoes it before the age of three. A child cannot complete it successfully if parents do not create favorable circumstances for this. Due to the fact that your daughter was sick a lot, and you were very attached to her, you gave her overprotection, which did not allow the girl to complete the separation stage. Most likely, you yourself have not passed one of the stages early development personality, stage of symbiosis, which is why they are so emotionally attached to their daughter. Overprotection often hides unconscious hatred towards to your own child. Read more about complex, unconscious, destructive relationships between daughter and mother, read in the book by Ekaterina Mikhailova “I’m alone at home or Vasilisa’s spindle.”

It's normal to love your daughter, it's normal to want to take care of her and want the best for her. But there is a difference between genuine love and hostility hidden under the guise of anxious overprotection. However, a child only needs overprotection for the first year of his life, when he cannot do anything for himself. Then it is important for him to master the skills of independence and independence. This allows him to subsequently become
People who have not completed the separation stage become anti-dependent. It is difficult for them to build trusting and emotionally close relationships, they become isolated, alienated, feel the need for solitude, avoid showing feelings and getting close to other people, often react inadequately to the authority of other people, are afraid to dissolve in relationships, therefore they keep people at a distance, even close ones and loved ones.

Your type of relationship with your daughter is called dual union

A situation where a mother and daughter experience unconscious hatred and show cruelty towards each other, a painful relationship based on suffering - this is a dual union. Check your subconscious - there is a high probability that this word will be written in your test results.
The daughter did not go through the stage of separation by evolutionary means (naturally), so she strives to do this now, demonstrating her protest. Since you are her parent and dominate her due to your parental authority, she, like a child, has two options for behavior: to adapt, obeying the rules that you offer her and becoming comfortable for you, or to rebel, trying to get what she needs it. And she needs autonomy. She is already quite an adult and by her behavior shows you that she wants to communicate on equal terms, as an adult with as an adult, not how small child with a controlling and protective parent. She may well already take on part of the responsibility for her life, which she can do. And she can already do a lot.

Completion of the separation stage

Teach your daughter by personal example how to take responsibility for your life.

Plan your life and meet your personal needs. Plan yours free time, engage in self-development, your favorite hobbies, devote time to your health and appearance. Your daughter will follow your example. Children are raised not so much by words as by parental example.
Don't demand that your daughter always live up to your expectations. She is a unique personality with her own unique set personal qualities, dreams, desires, needs and worldview.
Complete your connection stage to separate from your daughter and build your own happy life.
It is important to show your daughter love and not equate her freedom of choice with punishment. That is, do not say, “Oh, you’re so grown up, do what you want and don’t come near me,” but instead say: “I love you and believe that you are old enough to take care of yourself in this matter. I trust you!”, “You can do it, I believe in you and will support you.”

Don't make excuses when you take time to meet your needs and don't sacrifice yourself.

Talk to your daughter respectfully, ask her opinion, negotiate taking into account your own and her personal needs.
Don't do for your daughter what she can do for herself. The role of the “Victim” causes irritation in the “Victim” itself. No one likes to feel helpless and unable to take care of themselves.
Contact a qualified teenage psychologist. A specialist will help you hear each other and understand each other better.

Take your daughter to a consultation with a psychiatrist-suicidologist

Suicide attempts and aggressive behavior can be manipulative in nature, as a way to get what they want. Or be a sign of mental disorders, such as depression or subdepression. It is important to treat depression! This is a disease that requires drug treatment. There is no need to wait for everything to work itself out. The longer the disease goes untreated, the more severe consequences may be in the future. Therefore, it is important to rule out mental disorders by consulting a psychiatrist.
Please note that on our website you can go to determine the level of depression and determine the level of anxiety, which are also indicated for you.

The daughter has her own destiny

You see the meaning of life only in your daughter. This is a sign of codependency. Your daughter has her own destiny, she needs to build her own successful and happy life. Your daughter will always be your daughter and love you like a mother, but children should not devote their lives to their parents.
You feel lonely, and for many years caring for your daughter made you feel needed and loved. This is what you desperately need. However, children's love will not replace your parental, male or friendly love.
Start building your personal happy life, in which there will be communication with interesting people, recreation, travel, hobbies, self-development, love and so on. Start thinking about what you want to achieve and what will bring you joy. Start doing this and you will feel much better!

Are you in a difficult situation? life situation? Get a free and anonymous consultation with a psychologist on our website or ask your question in the comments.