If you are unhappy with the place you occupy, change it! You are not a tree! Jim Rohn I think you have often asked the question “Why is this happening? Why do I have such a husband/such a wife? Why do I have such a child/mother/brother? Why do I have this job? Why am I not happy with my life? Who is to blame for this? And why are there people who are doing well, everything is the way they want?”

Let's try to answer the question together: “Who is to blame for the fact that you don’t like your life?”

First, I’ll ask you a counter question: “Is it so important to look for someone to blame?” Well, you found it, what next? We express to the guilty person everything we think about him, thereby spoiling the relationship, without thinking at all about: “How will this help me improve my life?” We were brought up in such a way that someone else is to blame... The main thing for us is to express everything that is boiling, everything that is painful and everything that comes to mind at the moment! We do not think about the consequences and the meaning of the words spoken. We always blame someone: fashion, weather, government, wife, boss, genes, etc. Why?

So, I’ll tell you a secret, the root cause of our problems is COMPLAINT and the search for those to blame! When we find them, we automatically relieve ourselves of responsibility for this task. Because we begin to think about how to explain and prove to a person that he is GUILTY, and not about how to solve this problem ourselves.

After all, what is our life? Our life is our thoughts, our actions, our deeds and, as a result of all this, our happiness or unhappiness!

When we look for the culprit, we usually find it. But this does not change the situation. Ask yourself a question: why am I looking for someone to blame, and why do I want to prove to a person that HE IS GUILTY? What will this give me? Where will this take me? By answering honestly, you will understand the meaninglessness of your actions and realize that you are simply living your life in vain.

Why waste your precious time trying to prove that someone is at fault and not you?
Accusations do not change our lives; more often they become even worse, and we again continue to blame and complain. Wouldn't it be better to take responsibility and ask yourself some open-ended, forward-looking questions? Here are some of them:

How COULD I attract this situation?
How CAN I stop this?
How CAN I change this?
What does this situation teach ME?
Why was it given to ME?

Why don't you ask yourself such questions?

I understand, because by answering this question, you will see WHO is really responsible for your life. By blaming others, by being offended by others, by proving something to someone, you are going nowhere! After all, everything that surrounds you now was created by you yourself. The root cause of problems is YOU! Admit it. Even if it is very difficult to do, take responsibility for your problems!

What can you change to make it better?
If you are unhappy with your
life - change your actions!
Unknown author

Sit in a calm environment, concentrate and answer yourself the question:

-Where am I going?
- What do I want?
- What kind of relationship do I want?
- How can I achieve this?
- What am I doing wrong?
- What are you willing to do to improve your life?
- How would you like to live further?

1. Answer the questions honestly, be honest with yourself.
2. Make a plan for yourself to improve the situation now.
3. Take small steps now. Call and make peace with your friend/brother, make an appointment with the doctor.
4. Write a list of things you have been wanting to do for a long time. Read a book. Talk to your family, listen to them.

I am sure that any problem can be solved with open questions, honest answers and sincere actions!

The most important thing is that after reading the article, do not close the tab and calmly go on complaining, but right now start DOING something to improve your life! Let it be small steps, centimeter by centimeter, but you will come to what you want. The most important thing is to START.

If you want, do 10 squats right now and spend the evening walking.

If you dream of a strong family, write right now what doesn’t suit you and what steps you can take today to change the situation in the family.

If you don't have enough money, start studying books about financial independence and building your new relationship with money bit by bit.

And so on for every question. Before you do anything, ask yourself, how does this action bring me closer to my goals?

What if you don’t want to do this? Tired, bored, hard. So here is the answer to your question. If you really wanted to change your life, you would have moved mountains a long time ago!

True desire is a thousand possibilities, and reluctance is a thousand reasons!
And since everything suits you, then live, enjoying life, drinking beer in the evenings, lying on the couch in front of the TV. Scolding my husband and son, and not complaining about anything. Especially for life.

But it’s better to thank life for giving you the chance to live so many wonderful moments on earth!

This note was found on the windshield of the car and was handed over to the police department by the frightened car owner. Strongly written!

"DEAR FRIEND!

Your Toyota Lexus car is state-owned. No. 307-56 is located in the parking lot near the house on the street. Lermontova, 10.

Every night, the residents of this house are forced to listen for several hours to a variety of melodies emitted by your car’s security alarm. During this time, you have never deigned to remotely or directly cancel the alarm, having the opportunity to do so. But you are completely unable to wake up after your nightly orgies and turn off your “siren”.

I have a huge request to you: be more respectful of the people living next to you and try to continue to control the sounds made by your new beautiful car. In the coming days, I strongly recommend that you make it a rule to promptly turn off false alarms emitted by your car’s security system at the slightest extraneous sounds, such as: a patrol car driving along this parking lot, barking stray dogs, a short-term alarm on duty in a neighboring car, etc.

If my request is not satisfied in the near future (two days), and you ignore turning off the alarm signal within 10 minutes, your luxury car will suffer the following fate:

First, with a sharpened drill, I will almost silently break through the glass of the driver's door, penetrate into the interior and press the hood release button. If the alarm does not give the command to unlock the lock, then I will use a pry bar to slightly lift the hood and, through the resulting 2 cm gap, use hydraulic scissors to cut through the hood lock lock assembly, penetrate into the engine compartment and break out x... the plastic “siren” of your e... alarms. Then I’ll tear out the ignition wires and install my own “spider” of wires with a pulse distribution processor.

Following the siren, the broken locks on the steering wheel and pedals will fly. Then I’ll connect a hose from a previously stored 5-liter can of gasoline to the fuel injection system and throw it directly under the hood. I will also extend a “lash” of wires there to bypass the electrical system. In a minute, I’ll use a hydraulic vice to press the cylinder of the Multi-Loka lock on the gearbox and start the engine. In two minutes and twenty seconds I will leave the parking lot in your Lexus.

After a week of unsuccessful searching, when the power supply to the immobilizer runs out, I will pull the car, which was sunk in a secluded place, out of the river, find the used immobilizer and give it preventive maintenance in a rented garage. And in another week, your old car will beeping with a new alarm at another fagot like you, in another yard, in another city, where, fortunately, I will not be at that moment.

You have two days left to think about it. During this time, I will try to improve my skills and try to steal your car in 53 seconds, like that f... “Lincoln Navigator” that gave night concerts under the windows of... my mother’s apartment."

Is it possible to love something that doesn't suit you? Let's be honest with ourselves. Not all of you have ideal relationships. Most of them are bad. You endure scandals, beatings, betrayals. You go to a job you hate, where you are exploited.

How to love something that doesn't suit you?

After you have allowed so many unacceptable things into your life, you try to love them all. You are trying to love the fact that your parents are eating your brains out, despite your age. You try to love your children even though they do some terrible things. You try to love your partners who hurt you, offend you and humiliate you. You yourself allowed all this!

Why did this happen? Because you were not clear in your decision. You didn’t convey that it’s impossible to do this, it’s absolutely impossible, literally. You didn't tell the other person that if he behaved this way, you would stop communicating with him.
After you have allowed all this, you try to love it. It doesn't work. You get upset. But falling in love is impossible! And you have an interesting cycle. You want to love, you even need to, but it turns out toxic. But you can’t fall in love normally, because there’s no reason to.

Many people ask me “What to do in such situations?”

So what are you waiting for? What if I say some wonderful phrase, and all your crap that you have been creating for years will just disappear? They wrote to me more than once: “I have loans, can you help me?” What should I do? They’re probably expecting something like this - I snap my fingers, charge you a glass of water, then you drink this water, go to your online bank, and there your debts are zero.

You know, I'm not a magician or wizard. I am a doctor. And I tell you your disappointing diagnoses. Do you want to work independently? Yes, no problem - I’ll give you enough material to work with for several years. But only without guarantees of any achievements at all. Even if you agree to work with me, it will take weeks, or even months.

Finally, understand that training is necessary for your growth. External resources must be used! For example, a car, train, plane - these are all external resources for moving from point A to point B. Of course, you can walk. But how long will it take? Without the help of professionals, you are like a pedestrian without a navigator. You’re going, but it’s unclear where.

Let's be honest. If you are not happy with something, but you don’t want to change anything (laziness, fear, etc.), then you try through force to love it. From the category of “if you can’t change the situation, change your approach.” Yes, sometimes it works. But not when you're sitting in a puddle! My dears, don’t try to figure out how to love something that doesn’t suit you. Change yourself and work on your environment.

My problem is that I don't let anything out. I don't know how to express anger, instead I get cancer. Woody Allen

Currently, a flash mob is taking place on social networks with the hashtag #mypravoskazatin_. People tell stories of how saying “no” to something led them to say “yes” to something. These are charged, inspiring texts; they motivate you not to tolerate what you don’t like.

Why do we sometimes endure? One of the reasons is the inability to correctly express what does not suit you. In modern society, there is a learned set of skills to give compliments and encourage what you like. When it comes to communicating criticism and unpleasant things, we often don't know how to do it correctly.

For example, Katya.

Katya owns an online vintage clothing store. Katya's friend Sonya is a public relations specialist who was recently laid off during another crisis. To help out her friend and improve her own business, Katya opened a vacancy for a marketing communications specialist and invited Sonya to work with her. Her imagination envisioned lines of new clients and an improved quality of office life. The reality turned out to be different. Despite the fact that the girls had a long-standing friendship, it quickly became clear to Katya that it was difficult for them to work together. Sonya was constantly late, did not complete tasks that did not inspire her, and laughed off comments. Katya seriously thought about asking her to look for another job, but weeks passed and she still couldn’t decide. I was afraid to offend, I didn’t want to hurt my friend. I was afraid of ruining the relationship. Therefore, Katya was silent and hoped that Sonya herself would understand and change, or that a more interesting job would turn up for her. But in the meantime, irritation over trifles appeared, and the usual components of their friendship were steadily declining.

Is it safer to remain silent than to take the risk and talk?

Why do you think Katya considered the tactic of silence safer? She chose the certainty of what was happening, even though she didn't like it, rather than the uncertainty of what might happen if she spoke out. Tolerance of uncertainty- a concept currently discussed in psychology. The higher it is, the freer a person feels, the easier it is for him to live in an unpredictable world. Katya could not imagine how Sonya would react. What if it hurts her so much that it shakes her confidence in her competence, or if she doesn’t want to be friends anymore, or if she doesn’t take her seriously and considers Katya inadequate? Therefore, she remained silent, afraid of offending her friend and ruining the friendship. What do you think this led to? Are the girls still close?

Unfortunately no.

Firstly, emotional balance is disturbed and drains mental energy from us, disturbing life around this conflict. Katya tied her own hands and suffered silently, feeling helpless and hopeless. When we become emotionally exhausted and our resilience level drops, we can explode. The moment came when Katya could no longer stand it, she was overwhelmed with emotions, and she expressed her boiling feelings to her friend in a rude manner.

Secondly, Katya puts her friend’s interests above her own and thereby causes an imbalance. She wants to be a good friend, but, frankly speaking, she is not a good friend to herself. But this is our main obligation - to be a good friend to ourselves, to support ourselves and stand up for ourselves. This is precisely what prevents dependent relationships and gives rise to a feeling of internal support and stability - the repeated experience that I am for myself and I do not abandon myself.

Thirdly, relations with Sonya became increasingly strained. Katya experienced increasing irritation - and her body language began to send unfriendly signals; she took out the accumulated dissatisfaction in the form of sarcastic barbs, including in front of her friends. When there is no dialogue, people move away and, not knowing the true reasons, think up stories and reasons that are far from reality. Sooner or later it may turn out like in the joke:

- Last night I had everything according to Freud. I named my husband after my first boyfriend. It turned out to be inconvenient.

- The same thing happened to me. I wanted to tell my husband: “Please pass the potatoes,” but it came out: “You scoundrel, you’ve ruined my whole life.”

How to build a dialogue so that the other person can hear us?

I use several schemes: general rules of communication and understanding emotions, Alfried Langle's scheme, the findings of Kerry Patterson and his co-authors.

General rules of communication and understanding emotions

There are different approaches to how to form a dialogue, but in every conversation there is three components: facts, emotions, defense.

Dialogue does not work if we feel that we are being attacked - then we automatically become defensive and attack in response. In order for the other to really hear us and see the situation through our eyes, we need to allow him to save face. Communicate a critical remark in such a way that the person retains self-respect and feels that he has not lost your respect. Only then is he able to hear us and change something in his behavior.

The basic rule of criticism contains the sandwich metaphor: first say something pleasant, in the middle give a critical remark, and cover it again with something pleasant. It is very important to speak sincerely, presenting compliments from the heart. To do this, you need to prepare for the conversation by doing some preliminary internal work.

It is also important to speak only the facts and your feelings in relation to these facts. It is advisable to use “I” clauses. Besides the fact that this way we do not hurt a person, it is impossible to argue with facts and our feelings, unlike opinions. If Katya tells Sonya, “You don’t work well and are incompetent,” then Sonya, taking a defensive position, may well challenge this by showing her diploma and arguing that ten other people think differently. But if Katya says, “I sent you an assignment last week and haven’t received an answer yet, and that makes me angry” (fact + feeling about the fact), then it’s impossible to argue with that.

Some people believe that following a given conversation frame means being insincere. This is not entirely true. Our emotions move according to certain laws. When we are attacked, we defend ourselves. If they are friendly towards us, we open up. In everyday life we ​​say “hello” and “thank you”, we give each other gifts - this is also a frame. It is important to sincerely put your personal feelings into it.

Alfried Längle's outline for reporting unpleasant remarks

The best framework for serious conversation I have seen was developed by the founder of existential analysis, Alfried Längle. Langle points out a very cool thing: a truly personal message cannot hurt. If we are silent about something, hiding important things from another person, then we are not personal, we exclude him from the dialogue and thereby aggravate the situation. If we speak openly, finding a form that does not hurt, then we take into account both our interests and the interests of the other person, and improve relationships by maintaining boundaries, without sacrificing ourselves or attacking the personal space of the other.

In practice, this will work if we talk not about the other, but about ourselves, leaving free space for the other without violating its boundaries. Instead of “it’s unhygienic when you leave dirt on the dishes” - “I’m very afraid of germs.” Instead of “you’re hysterical, it’s impossible to talk to you” - “I’m overwhelmed with emotions when they raise their voices at me, and I can’t continue communicating.” Instead of “go faster, otherwise you’ll be late” - “the store closes at six sharp.”

According to this scheme, we want to formulate not this person's problem, but our own problem, to invite the other to take a look at us, so that the other can see how we feel in his presence, personally. This requires inner courage, because when we attack another, we feel superior and emotionally protected. And by voicing our own problem (for example, by saying, “Every time you ignore my orders, I get angry and don’t know what to do”), we become vulnerable and vulnerable.

How is this done in practice? Let's look at Alfried Langle's frame using Katya as an example.

Step 1. Please take some time to talk. This already means respect and personal treatment.

Katya’s example: “Sorry, could you give me two minutes?”

“If not now, when is convenient for you? What time tomorrow?

Step 2. Listing the good things that connect. We find common ground. We give compliments. We say nice words. We praise. It happens that conflict makes you forget the good things that connect you with a person - it’s worth reminding yourself of this. This will give the conversation the right tone of allies, not enemies, and will avoid a negative reaction. This is how we propose to develop relationships.

It’s worth going to this conversation only when we really feel the personal value of a person - we see not only his shortcomings, but also his positive sides.

Katya’s example: “We have been friends with you for seven years, we have experienced many bright moments. Remember that trip to Sardinia? Unforgettable. You are a magical fairy and I love you very much. You are reliable and cheerful, smart and have excellent taste. It’s so cool that we were found, you are my soul mate.”

Step 3. I regret that there is a reason for an unpleasant conversation.

A warning that we are preparing for something unpleasant.

We leave this assumption open - we do not undertake to confidently assert for another person, we only assume and prepare.

Katya’s example: “What I say may not be very pleasant, I myself didn’t make up my mind right away, I myself am not very pleased.”

Step 4. Saving a person's self-respect - it is important to say something that will allow him to save face.

Katya’s example: “Perhaps you don’t pay much attention to this.”

Step 5. Listing the facts. Facts must be facts. There may be witnesses. In any case, the stated facts should not be in doubt; both participants in the conversation should understand the same.

Katya’s example: “Last week you came to the office at two or three o’clock in the afternoon, and when I reprimanded you, you laughed it off and came back at two the next day. On Thursday, I contacted you about the issue of mailing, and you told me these words...” (as a fact, without evaluation)

Step 6. Communicate your feelings in connection with these facts. Talk about yourself.

Katya’s example: “During this week, I approached you three times about the results of the promotion of new arrivals and did not receive an answer, and this makes me terribly angry, I feel furious and at the same time confused.”

“As time goes on, I spend part of my life on this project. I put a lot of my effort and soul into this store and would really like to achieve results, but I have problems due to the fact that I don’t see the results of your work, and when I contact you you laugh it off.”

Step 7 Justification why we say this, why we have the right to say this.

We do not evaluate or judge him.

We formulate not this person’s problem, but our own problem.

We invite the other to take a look at ourselves so that he can see how we feel in his presence, personally.

Katya’s example: “The way things are going now is really exhausting me emotionally. And I suffer from this. And this is a problem for me. It's important to me to keep you as a friend, and I'm afraid that if we continue to work together, it might ruin our friendship."

Step 8 Completion.

Katya’s example: “Please don’t be offended. I wouldn't want you to feel bad. Don't get me wrong."

“How's that for you? I really wouldn’t want you to feel bad after this conversation.”

Kerry Patterson is the author of four New York Times bestselling books and numerous articles on difficult conversations, teacher, and curriculum author. I like the framework for working on yourself before a serious conversation that Patterson and his co-authors offer in the book “Serious Conversation about Responsibility. What to do with disappointed expectations, broken promises and inappropriate behavior.” This internal working scheme has two components:

1. Understand what problem to discuss. So, according to this scheme, Katya needs to discuss not Sonya’s tardiness, but find the root of what is bothering her. Let’s say that in the course of reflection, Katya realized that she was annoyed that Sonya was taking advantage of their relationship, that in the past Sonya had helped her out more than once and now she was not fulfilling her work duties because she knew that Katya would not punish her - after all, they are friends. Then it is precisely this disappointed expectation that the question needs to be raised.
2. Before you open your mouth, use your mind. It is important to be in the right frame of mind, and this is not always easy, especially if your opponent has let you down. There is a high chance that you will attack him with accusations. Just after we see and hear what another person has done, and just before we experience the emotions associated with it, we tell ourselves a story. We make assumptions about what motive guided a person’s behavior, and we bring our judgment, positive or negative assessment, into the story. And then our body responds to our thoughts and stories with emotions. The second stage of working on yourself is devoted to the skill of controlling emotions, analyzing the events that caused them. Try to present facts, stories and emotions in such a way that the interlocutor can be considered a decent person and not an earthworm.

The Trick of Talented Parents

If you are not yet ready to enter into an open dialogue and state what does not suit you, there is no need to force yourself. You can use a trick from the Incredible years parenting competency program, which has been implemented around the world for more than thirty years.

“When your child does not sit quietly for a minute, makes noise, throws everything around, you must become a real detective and patiently search, wait for the moment when the child sits calmly. Having caught these ten seconds, without delay, immediately praise your child. Tell him how proud you are of him and how great he is for being able to remain quiet.”

Not only children, but also adults want to be liked; this is embedded in us at the level of survival mechanisms. When we are praised, the brain decides that this is good for survival in the group, and the neurons of the reward system release dopamine - the person is happy and experiences an intense feeling of pleasure. However, they do not give rise to a feeling of lasting satisfaction, and after the release of dopamine there is usually a need for another such release, and after that another. By rewarding behaviors that we enjoy, we create pleasure in both children and adults and encourage them to repeat the behavior over and over again. Praising yourself works too!

We are often silent because we don’t know how to speak. We don’t want to offend, anger, we’re afraid that they won’t take us seriously and say, “Well, what are you making up, who even cares?” But if we are concerned, this is already a sufficient reason for conversation. If we tolerate and remain silent, by our silence we allow our borders to be violated. It is our responsibility to say that something does not suit us, that our boundaries are being violated. Waiting for the other person to figure it out on his own is a childish position. Effective conversation is not a tug of war over who is right and who is wrong, but rather the ability to create a common platform and give space to the experiences and aspirations of all participants.

Alfried Länglet, Guyon Condrot, Lisolette Tucci, Karl Rühl, Hubertus Tellenbach"Emotions and Existence"
Kerry Patterson, David Maxfield, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzer“A serious conversation about responsibility [Dealing with disappointed expectations, broken promises and inappropriate behavior]”
Kerry Patterson, Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny and Ron McMillan“Difficult dialogues [What and how to say when the stakes are high]”
Alberti R.E., Emmons M.L.“Know how to stand up for yourself”

Text: Evgenia Chernega, practicing psychologist, specialist in cognitive behavioral therapy, existential analysis and schema therapy
You can sign up for a consultation with Evgenia on her personal website: trueselfcomua

What do you think: “Why are we not satisfied with relationships with some people?”

The casket opens quite simply: in our heads we have our own idea of ​​how people should behave towards us (this is a synthesis of experience taken from our parents’ family, our own lives and social attitudes).

This is a certain A set of Rules and Regulations, including our.

And if the behavior of another person does not fit into it, the relationship with him is not satisfactory (or ceases to be satisfactory).

There is nothing wrong with having such a “Vault”, except for a small, but very Significant Nuance:

There are no identical people in the world! And everyone has their own Code and their own Rules!

How then to build relationships? By what principles?

The options are not very diverse. If we summarize them, we can:

Adapt to other people’s Values ​​and Beliefs, and “forget” your own

Defend your Values ​​and Beliefs, and ignore Others’

Live in accordance with your Values ​​and Beliefs and treat Others with respect!

What are the consequences of following these options? See article " and others on this topic.

Only the last option allows you to build exactly the kind of relationship you dream of!

I can confirm from my own experience and the experience of friends who have chosen this path. I won’t say that everything happens quickly, easily and simply. But thanks to this, my relationship with my loved ones has become very harmonious! Acceptance and Understanding of each other has grown.

So, this is absolutely accurate: “The more you begin to accept others (as they are), the more they accept you!”

It takes some effort to admit: "

Do not delude yourself and think that you know better than your children, parents, spouses, acquaintances, etc. - what is actually best for them. After all, everyone comes to receive their own lessons and experiences.

And this phrase is my favorite! I remember her very often:

There are 3 types of Deeds: Deeds of God - your deeds and Deeds of Other people!

When you do only Your Business, without interfering in the Business of other people and the Business of God, you are truly happy. K. Byron

You can’t even imagine how life changes when you begin to look at relationships and everything that happens through the prism of these simple lines.

Life often shows us: “The biggest difficulties arise precisely when we don’t want to and spend all our strength fighting it!”

In this case we always lose. You can resist all your life and stay that way. Can you think about it?: "What does our Reality say? What does it reflect?"

We live in

Everything external is just a manifestation of what is happening inside us.

Why blame the reflection?

If you gain 20 kilograms of excess weight, it won’t occur to you to scold the mirror.
Agree, it is quite absurd to be angry and offended by your reflection. And demand that it change immediately.

But in life we ​​endlessly complain about our “Mirrors”: about the people and situations that come into our lives.

Moreover, having become a “victim of circumstances” we need a “support group” ( !)

Support is, of course, good, but not in this case.

Imagine standing in front of a Mirror and blaming it for its terrible reflection.
The "support group" echoes: " What a Mirror! To the trash heap! Or better yet, smash it!
But Life is designed in such a way that even if you get rid of the nasty “Mirror”, a new one will appear. And the image in it will not be any better. Until you understand that it's all about you!

If you are not satisfied with your relationship with your husband, wife, children, loved one, boss or anyone else, this is a sure sign that You don’t have a good relationship with yourself!

Everything that you don’t like about yourself (and like too), you project onto other people (who are selected according to the “Principle of Similarity”), and they only reflect it.

So people with whom you are not happy with your relationship are the most accurate Beacons, signaling: “Attention! Take care of yourself urgently!”

And if you are careful, you will easily understand what they are broadcasting to you!

Are you being lied to all the time?

Think: " What are you deceiving yourself about?

- Maybe you have been planning to do something for a long time, but to this day you “feed yourself with promises?”

- Or maybe you’re trying hard not to notice obvious facts?

Then it is not surprising that someone will appear in your life who will deceive you. The more “everything is neglected,” the more Deception will be manifested in the Outside World.

Are you often insulted?

Ask a question: “How many times a day do you insult yourself? Do you scold yourself for some actions or mistakes? Do you consider yourself a Loser? Unworthy?

Watch your speech. Our words are not so harmless (when you slap your forehead and say: " What a fool I am!" the subconscious takes them literally).

Until you stop doing this, you will continue to receive abuse from others. Each time the method will become less environmentally friendly and more visual.

Sadly, we don’t want to notice the most obvious things and only pay attention when the situation becomes critical.

Maybe your spouse wouldn't mind sharing a bottle? And are you tired of fighting it?

Look at it from another point of view: " He's wasting his life in vain! What are you doing?"

Isn't it the same? You waste yours in the same way!

By spending time and energy on the “Affairs” of another person and the Struggle with Reality, you successfully “forget” about your life. The more actively you do this, the stronger the “Feedback!”

Sometimes a person fights with the whole World!

And this is just a signal that there are a lot of contradictions inside him that are tearing him apart. And until he works through them, the struggle will not go away from his life.

If you:

- don't love yourself

- don't respect

- don’t appreciate

- don't spoil

- you don’t listen to the call of your Soul, to your Desires

Why do you expect others to do this?

The only thing they can help you with is: Demonstrate how you feel about yourself!

This happens unconsciously. But, all the same, it is unpleasant to accept such lessons, especially from loved ones.

You will receive them exactly until you understand that he is just a Mirror, thanks to which you have the opportunity to see yourself better.

All you need to do:

Do you understand what is being broadcast to you?

Thanks for the tip.

Try to look inside yourself and answer the question: “What am I doing wrong?”

If you change, people will change too! It's easy to check!

As for Cases that are “in the Jurisdiction of God,” the story is similar there.

Much of what happens is necessary for you! You must walk your Path! Develop the necessary qualities, Awaken and Get rid of misconceptions and negative attitudes. After all, they are the ones who create filters that distort Reality (therefore, everyone has their own Reality). Just remember:

- It is impossible to change Reality without accepting it!

- It is impossible to resist Reality and at the same time notice Hints and Signs of Fate (which are literally scattered on our Path)

They are visible only to those who focus on them.

To the most active fighters against Reality, God gives TIPS that are impossible not to notice!

Only tougher ones. Is it worth it?

Many people are so passionate about controlling those around them that they completely forget about themselves. They stop seeing and hearing in themselves what is not related to control over others. They are too busy to take advantage of the full opportunities life has given them. E.Shostrom

ALL THE GOOD TO YOU!

WITH GRATITUDE! ARINA