Temperature during breastfeeding in a mother is a fairly common occurrence among women. The difficulty of treating this pathological condition is that the mother cannot take any medications to eliminate it, since they have the ability to be absorbed into the blood and transmitted to the child with breast milk.

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Causes of temperature

There are many reasons why this pathological condition occurs in mothers. In most cases they are provoked in the wrong way woman's life:

• Most often, fever in a nursing mother appears against the background of acute respiratory diseases. IN in this case the possibility of infecting the baby increases significantly.
• The disease can be observed against the background of lactostasis. This is a disease in which congestion occurs in a woman’s breasts.
• If a nursing mother has a fever, this may indicate the development of mastitis. The cause of the development of pathology is often endometritis.
• After a casarean section, the sutures may become inflamed and even come apart, which leads to fever.
• This pathological condition can be observed against the background of poisoning. It also appears as a result of infectious and other inflammatory diseases.

There are many reasons for the occurrence of this pathological condition. That is why during lactation a woman needs to be attentive to her health. She is advised to reconsider her diet. For this purpose, it would be best to consult a pediatrician.



Impact of diseases on breast milk

Many mothers worry about how temperature affects the quality of milk. Everything depends directly on the disease that caused the pathological process to appear.

Important! With the development of purulent mastitis, penetration of purulent microorganisms into milk is observed. This is how the child becomes infected. In this case, doctors recommend stopping feeding until the woman has fully recovered. During the period of treatment of the disease, the mother is recommended to pump regularly.



Before lowering the temperature of a nursing mother with lactostasis, she needs to pump. This is explained by the fact that during the development of this disease A lot of milk comes into the breast, but the baby does not have time to consume it. As a result, an increase in temperature is observed. If mommy constantly expresses excess milk, this will not only eliminate the pathology, but also stabilize its quality.

If the need arises to express milk, you can use a breast pump. But only a child can cope with this task better than him. That is why breastfeeding will become a kind of treatment for pathology.

Many mothers ask whether it is possible to breastfeed a child when pathology appears? In this case, the possibility of feeding directly depends on the cause of the disease. Sometimes it is necessary to use medications that are incompatible with breastfeeding. This is because they are incompatible with breastfeeding.



When a temperature appears, the mother, as a rule, loses the amount of milk, but pathologists do not affect the quality of milk supply. If she has a non-contagious infection, she is not allowed to feed the baby. In other cases, doctors do not recommend giving up breastfeeding. This is explained by the fact that with the help of breast milk, the child develops immunity to various diseases.



Features of the course of lactostasis

Quite often, the temperature of a mother who is breastfeeding a newborn baby is called milk fever. The pathology is characterized by stagnation of milk in the ducts of the mammary glands. If the presence of bacterial microflora is observed during lactostasis, then it is regarded as latent mastitis. Since the milk is not excreted. This leads to the appearance of an inflammatory process.

In most cases, the disease occurs when a woman’s body produces high amounts of large quantity milk, which significantly exceeds the child's needs. The appearance of the pathological condition can be explained anatomical features breasts – sagging mammary glands, flat nipples.

If a mother expresses herself unnecessarily, this can lead to the appearance of a pathological condition. Enough common cause The occurrence of pathology is the lack of a schedule when feeding a child. When a woman holds her baby incorrectly while breastfeeding, this leads to insufficient consumption of neem milk.

If mommy sleeps mainly on her chest, this leads to excessive milk production. Injury to the mammary glands can also be a cause of pathology. Mom is strictly forbidden to wear a tight bra. Otherwise, the appearance of the disease will be observed.

With lactostasis, the patient's mammary glands swell and swell. With palpation, you can identify areas of compaction in the mammary glands. When this disease occurs, patients' body temperature necessarily rises.



During the period of lactostasis, the mother’s mammary glands do not turn red or swell. This symptomatology is characteristic only of mastitis. In order to cure the disease, a woman only needs to get rid of milk. For this purpose, a breast pump is used.

To avoid the appearance of lactostasis, it is necessary to use specific preventive measures. For this purpose it is used special diet, which stabilizes the process of milk production. Nutrition for the patient should be developed only by the doctor, taking into account individual characteristics patients. The patient is advised to learn to sleep in correct poses. Also, a mother must learn how to properly feed her child. The pediatrician will tell her more about this.



How to eliminate fever?

The most effective in treating the disease are traditional medications based on paracetamol. Many mothers are recommended to take Ibuprofen. Before reducing the temperature during breastfeeding, it is necessary to determine the cause of its occurrence.



A woman should know that medications can only be used if absolutely necessary and after consultation with a doctor. This is explained by the fact that when breastfeeding a newborn receives nutrients along with breast milk. If it contains medications, then they will not bring any benefit to the baby.

During the treatment of pathology, it is necessary to regularly measure temperature. For this purpose it can be used mercury thermometer. Temperature is measured in the muscle cavity when the mammary glands are full.

If the mother does not have an increase in temperature of more than 38 degrees, then she is strictly prohibited from taking medications. With such temperature indicators, the woman must be provided with bed rest. The patient should drink plenty of fluids. She is recommended to drink at least 2 liters of water daily. A woman should get enough sleep. If the temperature persists for a long time, then cold compresses can be applied to the forehead.



Application of compresses and rubdowns

To eliminate heat and fever, it is necessary to use products that have an antipyretic effect. To treat mothers who are breastfeeding newborns, you can use compresses and rubdowns:

• Cold compresses. This is a fairly effective and simple treatment method. In order to make a compress you need to take a piece of cotton fabric and container with cold water. The places where compresses are applied are the temples, elbows, forehead, and palms. Apply a cloth soaked in water for 40 seconds. After this, you need to wet the cloth again and repeat the procedure.
• Vinegar solution. If the patient has a very high temperature, then to eliminate it use cold water, to which vinegar is first added. This medicine is used to completely wipe the body. There is no need to wipe the solution off your body, since folk medicine will become ineffective. This is because when water evaporates it will eliminate the heat.
• Grape decoction. This folk medicine is highly effective in treating the pathological condition. To prepare it, you need to take green grape leaves. Grind and add water. The folk medicine is boiled for 15 minutes. After the preparation has cooled, it must be filtered and used for compresses. Also, therapy for women can be carried out using green grape juice.
• Potato compresses. To prepare the medicine you need to take raw potatoes, wash and grate on a fine grater. Vinegar is added to the resulting mass. For one potato you need to take a tablespoon of vinegar. The mixture is laid out on a piece of cloth, which is pre-moistened. The resulting compress must be applied to the area of ​​the elbows, wrists, temples, and forehead.
• Horseradish based compress. With the help of this plant you can eliminate heat as much as possible. short terms. In order to prepare the medicine, you need to grate horseradish, and then you need to mix it with table salt and vinegar. The resulting mixture is applied to the area of ​​​​the feet, calves and palms.

Despite the high effectiveness of the products traditional medicine, before lowering the temperature, a nursing woman should consult a doctor. Only a specialist knows what can be used for a nursing mother’s fever and can prescribe the most effective treatment.



Antipyretic drinks

Women are advised to bring down the temperature with the help of traditional medicines that are taken orally. They are developed based on natural ingredients, which allows, when using them, to carry out complete feeding baby. The following recipes are most often used:

• Linden decoction. This folk medicine is highly effective if a nursing mother has a temperature of 38 or higher. To prepare a folk medicine, you need to take dried raspberries and linden flowers and mix in a 1:1 ratio. Two tablespoons of the resulting mixture and pour liters of boiling water over the floor. After this, the medicine is boiled over low heat for one minute. You need to take 200 milliliters of folk medicine every hour. Thanks to this technique medicinal product with its help you can eliminate the fever as quickly as possible.
• Cranberry juice. To prepare the medicine, you need to take the berries of the plant and squeeze the juice out of them. He is accepted into fresh to eliminate fever. A single dose of the drug is 1 glass. The medication must be taken three times a day. To ensure the highest possible healing effect You must first add juice to the juice.
• Strawberry jam. It is a universal antipyretic medicine that is widely used for making tea. An analogue of this folk medicine is honeysuckle jam.
• Raspberries. This folk medicine has excellent antipyretic properties. They are characterized by the presence in their composition of natural salicylic acid. To prepare the medicine, you need to take the dried berries of the plant and pour boiling water over it. It needs to be allowed to brew for five minutes, and then taken orally. A fairly effective medicine is tea based on raspberry tea.
• Onion remedy. You can also prepare an antipyretic medicine based on onions. To do this, you need to take a medium-sized onion, peel and chop it until you get a paste. The resulting mass is mixed with 0.5 liters of boiling water. The medicine is poured into a container, closed with a lid and wrapped. The folk remedy must be infused for 12 hours. When fever occurs, the medication is taken every hour, 50 milliliters.
• Honey medicine. For cooking folk medicine You need to take a couple of apples and grate them. The onion mass is prepared in the same way and mixed with apples. You need to add 100 grams of honey to the resulting mixture. If fever occurs, take folk medicine should be performed at least twice a day. A single dose of the drug is one tablespoon.
• Willow bark decoction. A nursing mother should only use safe means to reduce temperature. This medicine will become ideal option in the fight against pathological condition. Prepare a medicine based on crushed dry willow bark. Three tablespoons of raw materials are poured with 600 milliliters of boiling water. After the folk medicine boils over medium heat, it is placed on steam bath t simmer for 15 minutes. After cooling, the extract is filtered and used for oral administration. The medication is taken every two hours, one tablespoon at a time. If the mother has an excessively high temperature, the dosage of the drug can be doubled.
• Collection of herbs. This diaphoretic infusion allows you to fully cope with elevated temperature bodies. It is prepared on the basis of mint leaves, oregano, birch buds, thyme, and St. John's wort. All components are mixed in equal quantities. A tablespoon of crushed raw materials is poured into a glass of boiling water. After the infusion has cooled, it is recommended to take it orally to reduce the temperature.
• Infusion of aspen buds. To prepare a folk medicine, you need to take aspen buds and chop them. 40 grams of the resulting mixture is poured with a liter of boiled water. The medicine must be infused for 30 minutes. After this time, the infusion is filtered and taken a tablespoon every hour.
• Oatmeal infusion. In order to prepare folk medicine, you need to take the straw from this plant and chop it. The resulting mixture is poured with boiling water and infused throughout the day. Per day at high temperature You must drink at least a liter of the medicine.

There is a huge amount medicines, with the help of which a woman can get rid of fever. Before using a particular medicine, you should ask your doctor whether it is acceptable for use. Only a doctor can determine what to do if a nursing mother has a high temperature after carrying out the appropriate diagnostics.

The development of communication technologies, which provide the ability to communicate using electronic means, is aimed at bringing people closer together and gives loved ones the opportunity to see and hear each other from different parts globe. But right now, despite the achievements of civilization, we, more than ever before, feel loneliness And emotional emptiness.

Remember Juan Mann, founder of the Free Hugs movement, who suffered so much without human contact that he offered to hug strangers on the street? Try to compare yourself to Mann. How often do you feel lonely, craving more tenderness than you receive? Maybe you want your spouse or partner to show more and better love? If any of this sounds familiar to you, then you are experiencing a common psychological problem, known as tactile hunger.

For normal functioning, we need to satisfy hunger, thirst and regular rest, but this list of needs is rarely mentioned tactile contact That's why we often neglect the importance of hugs, handshakes and kisses, even though research shows that affection is right behind food, water and rest on the list of needs. Touch is essential because it brings emotional and physical sensation, which cannot be obtained in any other way. Like neglect physiological needs leads to detrimental consequences, so tactile hunger can have a devastating effect on health: over time, anxiety increases and depressive thoughts appear.

Harry Harlow studied newborn monkeys weaned from their biological mother. They preferred mannequins that were made of soft material, although they did not provide them with adequate nutrition. The dummy, which could provide them with enough food, but was made of wire and steel, was rarely chosen by the cubs.

As one might expect, the monkeys’ desire for emotional comfort exceeded the need for food. The same goes for people. During World War II, children who found themselves in orphanages without maternal affection soon died.

Of course, there are times when, as we grow older, we ourselves resist contact because we strive to separate ourselves and gain independence. But even then we experience tactile hunger, and its main consequence in the future of life is the pathological feeling that we are not worthy of love.

A recent study of 509 adult men and women examined the mechanism of tactile hunger and associated social and health problems. The results were unexpected. People with high level People with tactile hunger are less happy, more lonely, more likely to experience depression and stress, and have poorer overall health than people who are not deprived of affection. They have less social support and lower relationship satisfaction. They are more likely to experience anxiety disorders and other secondary immune disorders (acquired rather than inherited). They are more prone to alexithymia, a condition that reduces the ability to express and interpret emotions. Finally, they tend to develop a detached lifestyle with little chance of building secure and lasting relationships.

These findings do not establish that tactile hunger causes all of these negative states, only that people who experience rejection are more prone to them. If you're one of those people, chances are this evidence doesn't surprise you. Physical contact necessary for healthy image life, and we suffer when we don’t get it.

Even married couples suffer from tactile hunger due to a lack of genuine affection. For example, a husband may devote more attention career than his wife, and the wife may be more interested in the lives of her friends than her husband, with corresponding consequences in emotional expression towards each other.

Sociologists have found that residents of the United States and Great Britain suffer from tactile hunger more than anyone else in the world. Those least affected by this problem are Greece, France, Italy and Spain. In the Mediterranean, it is normal for people to kiss and hug when meeting and parting. When traveling to African countries, you may find that strangers always ready to invade your personal space with a hug. For comparison, in American society the topic of touching is taboo due to the presence fine line between friendly touch and harassment, so with early childhood they are encouraged to stay in their bubble.

Dr. Tiffany Field, who has spent many years studying the benefits human touch, explains:

“Many forms of touch help relieve pain, anxiety, depression and aggressive behavior, lower your heart rate and blood pressure and improve air circulation in asthmatics; Boost immune function and promote healing. So many benefits and no side effects!”

She and her colleagues found that children whose parents showed less affection were doomed to grow up to be more verbally aggressive than children whose parents were more affectionate. She explains that animals with sensory deprivation eventually develop aggressive behavior, and humans face the same consequences.

Fortunately, you are not doomed and do not have to endure tactile hunger forever. Each of us has the opportunity to receive more love and tenderness. Remove it right now mobile phone and share this moment with a loved one.

Article prepared By materials:

• Michael Gregory, Skin Hunger: 3 compelling ways to overcome loneliness. Self-development for introverts and highly sensitive people, May 6, 2015.
• Kory Floyd, What lack of affection can do to you. Psychology Today, August 31, 2013.

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I used to think that tactile contact with a child was simply associated with a nonverbal expression of love and strengthening relationships. But it turned out that everything is not so simple. Today I'm sharing five amazing roles touch plays in children's development, two of which relate to educational techniques. I don’t even know what I would do without this information! I'm sure it will be useful to you too.

1. Stimulus for the development of the nervous system

Licking young mammals affects the subsequent viability of individuals - this is a scientifically proven fact, which I recently learned about from the wonderful book “ How children achieve success" Moreover, vitality refers to both physical factors, such as height and body weight, and mental ones - the ability to solve non-standard problems, self-confidence.

Instead of licking, a person uses touching. During the newborn period and up to a year, this means carrying the baby in your arms, skin-to-skin contact, nurturing, stroking, kissing. After a year, it’s more hugs, active games, in which the baby can be tossed and caught, tickled or squeezed (only if your actions evoke a positive response from the child).

All this is not just an expression of love. Love expressed in this way literally nourishes the baby on a hormonal level. It is important to understand that this is a fundamental condition for a child’s development, which he needs much more than, for example, educational toys.

2. Strengthening the circulatory system and massage of muscle tissue

Here we are talking more about intense touches, as in a massage, when pressure warms up the muscles and accelerates the blood, as the capillary network is affected.

Until the baby started crawling good decision This task will be nurturing - an alternative to professional massage from supporters of natural parenthood. When nurturing, the baby’s mother strokes him, kneads all parts of the body, bends and straightens his limbs, accompanying all her actions with nursery rhymes.

Unlike a professional massage performed by a stranger, nurturing solves not only the problem of strengthening the body, but also some others, about which we're talking about in this article. Plus nursery rhymes, which provide an additional stimulus for speech development, entertain the baby and strengthen his relationship with his mother.

After the child begins to crawl, the role of strengthening passes to outdoor games. Remember this the next time you play tag) My Eva loves tag very much, and every time I catch up with her, throw her up, tickle her and turn her over, she squeals with delight!

3. Help your baby become aware of his body

When a child is born, he is aware of his body as a ball with a “probe” in the area of ​​the nasolabial triangle. He inherits this feeling from intrauterine life, when his body was compactly folded in the spherical belly of his mother. The nasolabial triangle is associated with the most important process, which the child can control to some extent, is breastfeeding.

The remaining parts of the body, its “tools” and functions, are revealed to the child later in the process of growing up. By the age of one year, the child is already well acquainted with the front part of his body, however, he still does not know what is above his eyebrows. I can clearly see this now in my daughter: she has learned to put on beads and thinks that you can put your head through any object with a hole, for example, into a ring from a pyramid. Surely you could also observe how the baby touches the table with the top of his head, trying to get under it.

A child's body awareness develops in his relationship with his mother from the first moments of life. In a healthy form, these relationships are as physical as possible, which is especially important in the first six months, when the child has not yet mastered his hands and cannot feel himself. But even after this, keep in mind that the baby is still a year and a half away from realizing his back.

A child’s awareness of his body is associated with the development of his musculoskeletal system, mastering crawling and walking, agility, safety in movement, and a confident feeling of himself in space, including at heights. Successful development in this direction will provide the basis for an active, sporty lifestyle.

4. Teach your baby to follow

Following is safe model the child’s behavior in “foreign” territory - that is, outside the home. For a child, such behavior is natural; this is confirmed by observations of the lives of peoples living a natural life, where children are raised “on their own.” For example, Jean Ledloff in his famous book “” writes that the children of the Yequan Indians follow their mothers through the jungle so that the latter do not need to look back. Children are not specifically taught to follow, but unlike what we see on playgrounds, it does not occur to Indian babies to run away from their mothers.

What's the secret? There is an opinion confirmed by the experience of many mothers who practice natural parenthood that following begins to be mastered by the child at the breast. In general, behavior at the breast is a wide field for education and a very big topic for discussion. Subscribe to blog updates if you don't want to miss out)

So here it is. The secret is in the baby's correct latch on to the breast, which is one of the necessary conditions successful breastfeeding. With this grip, the baby's nose is pressed to the chest. Have you noticed that all babies have snub noses? Yes, even those who adult life will have a hooked nose. This is provided by nature specifically to make it comfortable to breathe while the nose is pressed to the mother's breast.

This seemingly insignificant touch actually teaches the baby to follow the breast, that is, the mother. Remember, for a newborn, the concept of breast and mother are identical; then he will understand that mother is much more than just breasts) Plus, of his entire body, he is only aware of the nasolabial triangle, since his main life process is sucking milk. That is why everything that “happens” in the territory of this tiny triangle is so important for the baby.

5. Help the child take the right place in the family hierarchy

Most mammals live in hierarchical groups, and humans are no exception. little baby much closer to the animal world than you and I, since he has not yet learned to be human. It develops according to its biological, natural program. Part of this program is to determine your place in family hierarchy, answer the question “Who’s in charge here”?

Touch is one way nonverbal communication. In this language, the child asks his question “Who is in charge here?” When a child touches you, he expects you to respond in kind. The one who touched last is the “main one”. If you don't do this, a series of more intense impacts on an increasing basis. In an extreme degree of neglect, a child can hit his mother, bite, jump on her, and independently remove her breast in public.

Why does this happen? It’s very important question and it's worth thinking about. But within the framework of this article we will only talk about how this is “treated” by touch:

• Make it a habit to touch your child at every opportunity, do it in pursuit of the goals mentioned above in this article, invest love in them.
• Give your touch a patronizing character - pat on the head, pat on the shoulder or cheek.
• Make sure that your touch is always the last and that it is on top. For example, if a child is playfully crawling on you while you are lying on the sofa, just playfully grab him, turn him over on his back so that you yourself are on top of the baby, tickle or kiss his tummy.
• Stop unpleasant actions towards you, show how you feel about it. IN as a last resort, you can stop the action by confidently grabbing the baby’s hand and looking into the eyes, in simple words say firmly that you do not approve of this action. At the same time, wait until the baby takes his eyes off first. These actions should contain love and firmness, but not aggression. In order to correctly calculate the “forces,” it makes sense to tune in to love before you begin to act.

These tips are taken from different areas knowledge about the psychology and physiology of the child. They are interesting in themselves, but in order to understand and apply them correctly, you need complete picture in my head. My position is that motherhood today needs to be learned. The articles on this blog will help you, subscribe to blog updates so you don’t miss them. So, I recommend the courses of doctor Irina Zhgareva:

« Preparing for pregnancy and childbirth»

"Natural Parenting: myths and reefs"

« Secrets of happy motherhood»

Did you find this article helpful? Did you know about these amazing roles touch plays in baby development? I'm sure you use a lot of this on instinct... tell us about it in the comments!

Sincerely yours, Elena Kalashnikova

Everyone enjoys being paid attention to. Tactile contact is an integral part of any close interaction. Of course, business relationships hardly involve strong hugs, but friendly meetings, as a rule, cannot do without them. Every person, one way or another, wants to feel needed, in demand and understood.

Tactile-visual contact helps build trusting relationships between partners, teaches them to be lenient and attentive. Only by looking into the eyes of your interlocutor can you fully verify what feelings he actually experiences.

The essence of the concept

Tactile contact is special shape interactions in which effective communication between people. Agree that it is much easier to convey some important thought to a person if you touch him. Each of us is very pleased when he is appreciated and expresses his feelings with the help of strong handshakes.

What does tactile contact mean? Most often, with its help, people express their emotions aimed at a specific interlocutor. The desire to take your hand and stroke it is associated with the need for understanding, which we all need so much. If a person is absolutely indifferent to another, then he will never touch him under any pretext. Closed people, as a rule, avoid tactile contact and are afraid to show it.

Feeling safe

Look at the woman holding a child in her arms. She just glows with happiness! She is not afraid of any obstacles, nor is she afraid of the prospect of losing her individual prospects. A woman-mother always sacrifices something for the sake of her baby: work, time, relationships with friends.

In the mother's arms, the baby feels protected from all adversities. Her gentle palms will lull him, caress him. It is tactile contact that provides a child with a sense of security from everything in the world. This is the most powerful weapon in the world against any antisocial behavior. It has been noticed that many illegal acts are committed only because no one cared about such individuals in childhood. A mother’s love creates the child’s soul and forms his trust in the entire world around him.

If a mother devotes insufficient time and attention to her offspring, then there is a high chance of developing an unsociable, aggressive or withdrawn person. No one can replace a mother's love for her baby. One can only imagine how lonely and unwanted the orphans feel.

Showing love

When we touch another person, it is as if we are telling him: “I care about you.” Anyone who loves necessarily strives to show his affection not only in words. How can you express your feelings? With a glance or touch. Tactile contact between a man and a woman implies a deep feeling of each other at all levels. Sometimes it is enough to look into the eyes and say a kind word, otherwise only careful handling and tactile warmth will help. Each of us wants to feel that he is loved and cared for.

Expression of confidence

In fact, we only allow ourselves to be touched by people we can completely trust. And this is by no means accidental. This is how our psychology works. Tactile contact is very important and significant thing in everyone's life, so it should not be avoided or tried to be pushed away. There are people who really don’t like hugging, even with loved ones. Similar manifestations indicate precisely that not everything is so smooth in their lives, there are internal problems and contradictions in interaction.

Trust is expressed through free tactile touches and stroking. Taking a person by the hand means showing special warmth to him, spiritual closeness, desire to help. If we want to calm a friend or relative, we hug him. And this almost always has a positive effect on a person, allowing him to calm down. The fact is that hugs open the heart and help restore spiritual closeness and trust if they have been lost for some reason.

Relationships between spouses

The interaction between husband and wife is a special moment that causes many different debates. Family conflicts- the most powerful in terms of impact. It is believed that it is in relationships with the most dear people we're passing important lessons lives, without which our personality would not be fully realized. After all, no one can become happy alone. The participation of a partner and the presence of a deep relationship with him are always required. And here you can’t do without tactile contact.

The spouses know each other like no one else. It's not just about individual character, manners, habits. Each of us has our own weaknesses, ailments, and then being around loved one can influence our state and attitude.

Sexual interaction

Tactile contact with a man necessarily includes touching. When two people decide to devote their lives to each other, over time they know well what their partner likes and are able to guess his mood. Physical intimacy is impossible without a huge sense of trust towards your spouse. Both men and women have equal needs sincere love. But not everyone, unfortunately, knows how to correctly express their emotions. Every person wants to feel significant and loved.

Relief from stress

When you come home after a whole working day, it’s so nice to know what awaits you loving family. A hot dinner, attention and care - this is what your partner expects. With the help of tactile contact you can free yourself from stress, gain peace of mind, throw off the burden of problems and fatigue. Nothing invigorates a person more than the knowledge that someone needs him, his opinion is valuable in itself and important.

Tactile contact is a real salvation from stress. When we touch a person, he always feels how important a figure he is in our life. Even relationships between friends and girlfriends can be very close if there is room for mutual hugs and pats on the shoulder. Sometimes tremendous support is required and tactile contact is clearly indispensable. The more emotions we learn to show in life, the easier it will be for us to build interactions with other people.

Nobody likes cold and indifferent people, for whom to say extra word- problem. Everyone wants to feel a certain amount of support and protection from those who are constantly nearby. Any relationship is built on mutual trust and common interests. It is difficult to imagine that friends will tolerate a nervous, hot-tempered person around them, from whom nothing but trouble comes.

Instead of a conclusion

Tactile contact is present in almost all forms interpersonal interaction. The deeper and better relationship between people, the more handshakes, hugs and a completely conscious intention to be close to each other in their communication. Often, a person’s self-confidence is formed directly under the influence of how significant he feels in the company of relatives, friends, co-workers and, of course, family. Happiness depends on a circumstance that allows the individual to fully express his feelings.

I am 23 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have been through a lot. life situations, separated, but still returned to each other.
I love him very much and appreciate him as a person and as a man. I am happy with everything in our relationship except that he does not give me enough warmth and affection. I grew up in a family where expressions of love were always reinforced with hugs, kisses, and touches. But in his family, on the contrary, everyone is kind of cold in this regard. They have wonderful kind and respectful relationship, the family is complete, but in terms of showing tenderness through tactile sensations, there is no such thing. This worries me for 2 reasons: 1. I want initiative on his part, but he very rarely shows it, 2. when I approach him with “my tenderness,” he sometimes gets irritated and isolates himself from me even more, it seems to him that I can be intrusive and get into his personal space. He practically doesn’t kiss me on the lips, he says that he doesn’t like it. And this is not disgust, but intimately everything is fine with this (just without kissing on the lips). It’s hard for me to live with this, I feel emotionally cold from it. I tried to talk to him about this, he replies that he simply doesn’t have as much warmth as I give him and is trying to demand in return.
This seems to be a trifle, since in a relationship there is love, respect, trust and everything that is really important, but from this “little thing” grievances accumulate and sometimes result in the form of unpleasant words and swearing.
Help please! What should we do?
I understand that he is already a mature personality (30 years old), he cannot be changed and we must accept him as he is. And I understand that men express their feelings not like women, but differently. But on the other hand, I also have needs and living constantly in a state of dissatisfaction is wrong.
I don’t know what to do, I really hope for your professional advice.

Hello, Yulia!

It is very difficult to recommend something when one partner is trying to solve the problem and the other is not participating. It's a pity that your husband doesn't understand how important affection is to you. Often, problems with infidelity begin with the simplest thing: the husband does not caress or show much tenderness to his wife. A kiss on the lips is the highest intimate trust. Your husband says that he doesn’t have that much warmth for you... hmm... but does he love you? Or maybe he has someone and doesn’t need this affection? Sincerely, Olesya.

Hello, Yulia.

A person always has a choice, and you also have a choice in this situation. Will I continue to live with this person and build a relationship with him or I don’t want such a relationship anymore and I want to end it. If you choose the first option, then you must understand that we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. Are you ready to part with a man whom you love and value as a man, but who cannot give you enough affection due to his upbringing? How valuable are one and the other to you? Are these values ​​balanced for you or is one of them more significant for you? What can you do to make you feel more satisfied in your relationship? What compromises are you willing to make to make the relationship comfortable for both of you? Are you frank and open in conversations with your man? Do you tell him that “tenderness” on his part is very important to you? Have you ever looked for compromises to resolve your mutual misunderstanding on this issue?

If you want to understand yourself and your question in more detail, please contact me, I will be happy to help.

Hello, Yulia! There is such a concept - like love languages ​​- for you, one of such languages ​​is tactile touches, for another - words, for a third - gifts. It turns out that you and your husband speak different languages Love. Often problems in the family begin due to a lack of understanding of this. Your husband loves you, but he can show Love in his own way, accessible to him, and this is not a matter of gender differences, some men can also speak the language tactile touches. This situation is not easy for you - since here you have an option - or take it for granted and understand your husband by talking to him and perhaps he will feel your need and try to hug and kiss you at least a little more often. For your husband, such aversion to affection may be associated with his upbringing, which was so unacceptable in his family, or with experience that did not lead to anything good, that is, the roots of this lie in his psyche and experiences gained in life, responsibility for relationships in the couple bears both - and the main thing in a relationship is compromises, perhaps you will be able to come to it. Good luck to you!

Hello, Yulia! Indeed, each person shows love in his own way. At the same time, the partner may be offended that the other has his own way. But is it worth being offended by this? After all, everything else is fine with you. Kisses and touches are important for you, but not for him. What to do? If he doesn't like touching, what does he like? It makes sense to find out what exactly pleases him. Your husband considers a kiss a violation of his personal space. This mechanism was laid down from childhood and if it doesn’t bother him personally, then he won’t do anything about it. I think you should be very careful and slowly slowly accustom him to tactile sensations. After all, imagine, a person has grown up all his life without this, moreover, it is unpleasant for him and you “climb” towards him with hugs. The reaction is obvious. Start by touching your finger, for example, his palm (though I don’t know, maybe that’s what feels good to him) or touching his face, etc. And ask his reaction, but without impositions or pestering. Let's say one touch can be practiced for one week or more. Gradually you can reach kissing. Good luck to you!

Julia, hello.

Julia, people are very different. But schematically, of course, you can divide the types of people, and they are different. The simplest thing: introverts, extroverts. According to socionics, there are even more of them. And there is a division of people according to their perception of the world. Visual learners, auditory learners, kinesthetic learners. You, Julia, are kinesthetic. It is important for you to feel a person. Smells are important to you. This is how you “hear” a person. Your husband does not understand you because he most likely speaks a different language. Julia, maybe try to understand this language and start “speaking” it? Watch your husband. How does he express his feelings? Also, talk to your husband about your way of communication, explain to him how important hugs and touches are to you. If you have good trust relationship, you will understand each other. Buy books on psychology. Read it yourself, let him read it. Maybe it’s worth reading together, starting to study yourself together. I think your relationship will improve significantly.

All the best.

Sincerely, T.Sh.