I return to slightly more dense psychological matters.

In last year’s article, I already said that one of the main skills of a psychologist is the ability to doubt the “undoubted.” For example, when the client is convinced that there is no meaning in life and there will no longer be any meaning. This destructive belief, no matter how real it may seem, is just a construct of the mind. Strong, thorough doubt cuts down the roots of destructive beliefs, freeing up mental space for alternative “slides” through which life is perceived.

In today’s article I will explore this practice a little deeper using the example of falling in love. I’ll tell you what beliefs she commonly holds on, and in what directions to orient her mind in order to more carefully examine her feelings.

I would like to note right away that painful longing for a lover is usually called the word “love.” I’ll say a little about the difference between being in love and falling in love below. In the meantime, I will inform you in absentia that there is no need to get rid of love - it is a bright, unburdensome feeling inherent in healthy relationships. Therefore, answering the question “how to fall out of love,” I will talk specifically about healing from falling in love - it leads to a state close to drug withdrawal.

I have never encountered specific working methods for such healing anywhere before. Almost all pop advice boils down to suggestions to get distracted and switch. Switching attention, we must give it its due, works. But it is not easy to implement it, because the lover himself wants to be distracted, but cannot - the obsession with the beloved is so absorbing that all other opportunities to occupy himself with at least something seem empty.

Everything is further complicated by a feature of the mind that encourages us to accept the unstable content of our own psyche as a taste of external reality. While falling in love is perceived as a problem from the objective world, it becomes impossible to look towards its real ones. Therefore, they usually don’t even admit that they can directly influence their own feelings - they try to put pressure on their loved ones, to “improve” themselves, or they give up - they say, what can they do if such an unhappy fate means they are left to suffer in silence. Perhaps it will go away on its own with time.

Over time, of course, the space of the mind is filled with additional meanings and love and torment gradually lose their power. But such a switch to normal existence can last for many months. And this will not be a cure for the disease, but only a lull of its symptoms, which under certain circumstances can awaken with renewed vigor - and the languor will continue.

Psychotherapy is initially based on the premise that it can be researched and corrected. That is, you can be treated for falling in love. Of course, there are no guarantees here - this is not an exact science, but there is always a chance of success. It is quite possible to intentionally fall out of love with a person when you know how falling in love works. It is based on self-deception, therefore, in order to fall out of love, you do not need to inspire yourself with any nasty things about your beloved, it is enough to get rid of lies.

Here I will talk about what I managed to dig up during personal practice with clients. But I will speak with confidence, because there are good practical indicators - lovers who were truly interested in getting rid of their torment, following these recommendations, were healed.

Holy feelings of lovers

For a lover, a lover is a special, exceptional person. This irrational conviction encourages the lover to believe that some special sacred connection is stretched between them, as if they were destined to be together as two halves.

Therefore, the lover amuses himself with groundless hope, bordering on the conviction that the beloved actually feels about the same thing, he just hasn’t realized it yet, and is capricious.

It seems to the lover that the joy of their “love” is so obvious, simple and beautiful that it becomes completely incomprehensible to him why the beloved still resists and does not love in return.

During periods when the lover believes that he is still mutually loved, it seems to him as if he and his beloved have already united somewhere on a subtle plane, and soon their merging will materialize.

Reveling in the joy of the upcoming rapprochement, the unrequited lover does not realize that this is supposedly a common space with the beloved - a swollen fantasy created by him from scratch, to which no one else has access.

Doubts about these “sacred” hallucinations at first seem blasphemous, so it is sometimes difficult for a lover to even imagine that his beloved is sincerely indifferent to him and may not stand out from other people from his environment at all.

Unrequited lovers never like their own feelings. If falling in love begins with happy, soul-exciting hopes, then, as a rule, it continues with their opposite - unhappy hopelessness. Around this stage, the lover himself begins to doubt his feelings, every now and then thinking about how to stop loving a person in order to finally sober up and return to sanity.

In extreme stages, unrequited feelings are accompanied by horror (from the anticipated empty, meaningless future without a lover) and subsequent depression. As a result, life sags on all fronts, falls, and complexes and fears that were previously dormant in the depths of the soul are connected to the torments of love like an avalanche.

In the articles I spend. I call love the calm acceptance of a real person; falling in love, on the contrary, is an unwillingness to put up with realities and a fanatical desire for a desired fictional image.

The premise that the beloved is not a real person, but a mirage from one’s own mind, is better to take into account immediately, at least as a theory. This is the first step that creates doubt in the hyped illusion.

The entire modern culture enthusiastically romanticizes falling in love, convincing the public that this is exactly how the main semantic outline of the life of a “normal” person should lie. In fact, falling in love in its essence is a real mental illness - an obsession that clouds the consciousness with fixated, contradictory emotions.

Of course, falling in love can motivate you to look into yourself, to explore the reasons for your experiences - and from this perspective it becomes a useful, soul-developing experience.

Falling in love is not some natural and obligatory state for a relationship. It is completely normal to love and accept the person next to you without zealous mental anguish. It is completely normal to enjoy other areas of life, devoting only some of your resources to relationships.

How to stop loving?

When dealing with the problem of unrequited love, I observe approximately the same picture - people suffer because of their own, on which this trouble rests.

I call the first pillar of love “the one and only” (in all life); the second - “there will be no happiness without him.” That is, the beloved is perceived as the only - the first and last chance for happiness.

Pay attention to how destructive this bundle of beliefs is - it programs you to perceive what is happening as if fate is being decided here and now - either you can get your happiness, or you will remain unhappy until the end of time.

And everything depends on the whim of one person. To lose this greatest source of joy and meaning means to remain unhappy forever. The lover is convinced of this.

And even when the beloved reciprocates his feelings, the threat of becoming completely unhappy does not go away, but constantly looms, because in principle there can be no one hundred percent guarantees in relationships - they tend to end someday for various reasons. Therefore, every gesture of the beloved is perceived by the lover in an exaggerated way, as an indication of the forecast of upcoming happiness or misfortune. There is no average with such beliefs.

Just in case, I will repeat that the exclusivity of the beloved and the irrevocable end to happiness without his reciprocity are not at all the truth of the lover’s life, but only his irrational beliefs - false. They are destroyed when they are doubted.

Many people know from experience how deceptive feelings are. They fall in love not just once, but many times - and invariably the object of love seems to be the real one, without whom happiness cannot be seen. It is these false beliefs that must be questioned in order to stop loving and sober up. To do this, you need to seriously give yourself confident answers to the following questions: “why do I decide that this person is the one? What if it’s not my only one, but someone else’s? What if it’s actually a stranger?”

You need to really think hard about this and feel these options. Then the first strong wedge will be driven into the illusory structure of love, splitting its structure.

Thus, life without a lover ceases to seem hopeless - the slide changes, and the understanding comes that the future is unknown to anyone, it always potentially contains countless possibilities.

If you really want to believe in great “love,” you can, as an option, seriously assume that the real one with whom you have to live until the end of time is still destined to be met.

Of course, the “travelling” of the relationship does not end there. There are so many nuances, it’s impossible to fit everything into one article. You can read

Instructions

You need to start “falling out of love” precisely with the realization that this relationship (if it existed) will not return. Simply put, leave bygones in the past. It's easy to say and very, very difficult to do. But the most important thing in saving drowning people is that drowning people take care of themselves.
You are exactly drowning. You don't go to clubs or parties. You are no longer interested in beauty salons and sales. You meet with your friends only to talk about him again and again. You stopped caring about your appearance after he left your life. Or, on the contrary, if, due to the nature of your work, you continue to see him, you carefully think through your appearance, makeup, even your pose and gestures, and begin to behave inappropriately as soon as he enters the same room as you. You sit at work or in class, letters, words, people flash in front of you, but you don’t notice them at all, they irritate you because they distract you from the most important activity in the world - feeling sorry for yourself and remembering the happy moments spent with him. Everything else is in the background. Isn't it?

Stop! Your life is in the background now. Understand this. You put on 3D glasses and never want to return from virtuality to your own life. Are you ready to miss it? Are you ready to wake up at 50 years old and be surprised: “Oh, how long I slept…” No? Then there is only one way out - to overcome the unnecessary feeling within yourself.

After realizing that you still need to deal with this phantom feeling, the question arises of how to do it. Start with the main thing - forbid yourself to think about it. Doesn't work? Try to find the negative in it. Divide the sheet into halves. On the left, write everything you like about him. And on the right is everything that is not there. Can't find anything negative? Carry the piece of paper with you in your bag and remember. As soon as you remember, write it down immediately. Listens to the group "Beasts". Doesn't brush teeth before bed. Didn't give you flowers... Great, you're on the right track. ...I wore stale shirts. In general, in diamond-patterned shirts?! Did you lick your fingers? Wore family underpants. Have you smoked cheap cigarettes? Right in bed?..
This is how, little by little, you can extract from your memory all those negative little things that, of course, are inherent in the object of your suffering. It’s just that behind the severity of suffering and the depth of your bright feeling, you forgot all these annoying little things.
When the list of minuses becomes equal and begins to overtake the pluses in the left half of the piece of paper, a toggle switch will work in your brain, which will transfer your loved one from the category of “celestials” to “ordinary people”, and maybe you will even think about the topic: “I deserve better.”

Stop listening to songs that remind you of him. Take his things to the trash heap or return them to him. Rearrange the furniture in the house if you lived together. Make the space around you different from what it was during your relationship. Remember the music you loved before him. Go to “your” restaurant with a friend or work buddy. Debunk this personal “mecca” of yours. This is a regular restaurant where a lot of people go, not just a bastion of your past happiness. This is an ordinary song. It was played on the radio before your novel and will be played after. She has nothing to do with you. And cleaning the house by throwing out things and wiping off the dust will make room in your life for something new. And it will become easier to breathe.

Be sure to go to the hairdresser. If you have long hair, cut off ten centimeters. If not, change your haircut. Change the color. Be sure to change your head. Hair stores our memories and negativity. All the sadness and memory are not only lodged in your soul and brain, but also “tangled in your hair,” so get rid of them. How nice it can be to shake your hair after a fresh haircut! As if

How to stop loving your loved one

How to stop loving? How to stop loving the man you love? How to stop loving?

As a rule, a woman asks these questions when she wants to leave a man herself, because her loved one causes a lot of pain, and she cannot tolerate suffering and humiliation, or when a man abandoned a woman and now she is alone trying to cope with this pain.

Women write to us who want to stop loving a man because he is married and they don’t want to break up their family. Or those women whom the man betrayed and left for another, or the man left for another country to pursue a career.

By themselves, these situations bring pain and humiliation, and love and affection for a man makes this suffering unbearable. It seems that this will never stop and the memories of the beloved man torment you again and again, preventing you from living normally and, even more so, enjoying life.

That is why it is necessary to understand how to stop loving a man? How to stop loving him?

But it’s even more important to understand, is this what you really want?
Maybe it is possible to return a man, but you don’t know how, or you want to find out whether it is necessary to build a relationship with this man at all. In any case, of course, you need to decide; it’s not always possible to do this on your own, so the specialists of our love-911 service are always ready to help you understand your situation.

But, if you still want to stop loving a man, it means that you want to stop experiencing those feelings that do not allow you to continue living: a heaviness in your soul that makes you give up and don’t know who you are and what you are now;
a lump in the throat that does not allow one to speak normally and tears well up on their own over any trifle;
apathy and lack of any desire to do anything.

In a word - suffer.

It is very important to correctly determine for yourself what you want, or rather what you do not want to experience, and then you will be able to act correctly to begin the path to a new life, without suffering, torment and humiliation.

How to stop loving a man

You know that love can be different, in addition, there are stages of love that are responsible for the level of your feelings and if you approach the situation seriously, then of course you need to know exactly what you are experiencing in order to understand what you feel.
Only then would our specialists be able to tell you how to act, specifically in your situation.
But if you want to act on your own and try to stop loving a man, then our love-911 service? He will give you some universal tips that can at least somehow help you.

Direct the love towards yourself.

This is a kind of auto-training.
It is impossible to stop loving a man with just a wave of a wand; a woman will still love you. And to herself, willy-nilly, she will confess her love to him.
Try to pronounce your name in your confessions. As soon as you start replaying the confession in your head, say your name - “How I love you (my name).

This may seem strange, but Dale Cornegie also said that people are driven by several feelings, one of which is a sense of self-worth.

When you suffer for another person, you forget about yourself, your beloved, your desires, ambitions and aspirations, which you now push into the background, since you can’t think about anything other than your love.

This method will help you raise yourself in your eyes, since it is our name that gives us this feeling of confidence, independence and lightness. This will help you start thinking about your interests.

Keep yourself busy.

Even if you are overcome by indifference, apathy and indifference to everything around you, for the sake of your beloved, you must pull yourself together and do something.
It's time to start doing what you dreamed of, but never got around to. Almost every person has such an activity.
If this is not the case, then come up with a hobby for yourself, for example, learning languages ​​is never superfluous. Or get creative, the main thing is that you like it.
You have probably noticed that many of those who have achieved something in this life have experienced the loss of love and it was at the moment of the experience that they went into one or another activity that now makes up their life.
Direct your energy in the right direction and turn your experiences to your advantage.

Learn a lesson.

Each story has its pros and cons, there are reasons that led to separation and the desire to stop loving the man you love, which means there is something to think about.
If you do not analyze previous relationships, then the mistakes that were made in them can transfer to the next relationship. And even if you don’t want to think about other relationships, you should still think about and analyze the previous ones.

The fact is that women who find themselves in such a situation write to our love-911 service, but without analyzing or incorrectly assessing their relationship in time, they transferred all their mistakes to the next one. And together with them we had to remember everything again, reevaluate and draw conclusions so that the woman could move further in her relationships, improving in them.
It is always necessary to draw conclusions. After all, experience is given to us not so that we simply cry, suffer and die from grief, but so that we become stronger, develop and learn from our mistakes.

These are perhaps the most effective tips that will definitely help you. If it’s hard for you and you need help, then the specialists of our service are always ready to help you, they will help you understand your problem and prepare step-by-step recommendations, conduct the necessary trainings that will help you build your life the way you want and be happy .

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Love is the most beautiful, but at the same time the most complex and multifaceted feeling given to man. If many experiences and passions can be dealt with and calmed down, with love everything is different. This feeling is beyond people's control. But there are still psychological techniques to help get rid of pain.

If the thought arises more and more often: how to stop loving a loved one, then the pointlessness of continuing the relationship has become obvious to the thinker. The number of situations that push you to the decision to break up and forget is enormous. Often the need to free yourself from a soul-debilitating feeling arises when the connection is completely destroyed, and there is no hope of its restoration. This is possible if the former partner has created a new family, or his feeling has been completely lost. In this situation, the lover has no one to ask for help, since not a single stranger is able to change the situation or relieve the bitterness of his loss.

You need to look for support and a solution to the issue alone with yourself. First of all, you should understand that it is impossible to stop loving. This feeling is uncontrollable. It can only be suppressed or repressed. Which, in fact, is very difficult, and, in the light of the latest scientific research, is fraught with many troubles in the health and fate of not only the one who decided to manage the feeling given from above, but also his children. This happens because children and parents are closely connected and interdependent on the subtle plane. In order to understand the principle of this mutual influence, you need to learn a lot of new information and think about it for a long time.

But it will ultimately help a person change, and, as a result, his life will change. The assertion that the thoughts and actions of a parent influence the health and destiny of his child is reflected in the Bible by the statement that God punishes the descendants for the sins of the fathers to the seventh generation. In the event that the reader does not in any way accept religious themes, he can be invited to get acquainted with the works of Academician Shipov, S. N. Lazarev, professor of the Theological Academy Osipov and other authors working in the key of scientific confirmation of the conclusions they made.

This also addresses the question of how one can fall out of love? If we assume that it is impossible to stop loving (and this is true if we are talking about love, and not about attachment and passion), and its suppression or displacement by another feeling leads to troubles, what then remains? Don't suffer for the rest of your life. The only way out is to transform this feeling, freeing it from the layers of manifestations of jealousy, pride, and selfishness. This process is long and difficult, but it will help you understand the essence of the current situation and make it possible to never find yourself in such unpleasant circumstances again.

Every person is happy when love comes to him. But this is only if it is mutual. But often this great happiness subsequently has to be paid for by the pain of quarrels that inevitably arise in the process of interaction between two individuals.

Young girls want to know how to stop loving the guy you love. Perhaps they will feel better from the realization that often love at a young age, despite all the severity of emotional experiences, is in the vast majority of cases only training before the arrival of a real deep feeling. You can ask yourself: “Are there many examples of couples who fell in love with each other at a young age living happily ever after?” Everyone has experienced their first love at one time or another.

She came to one earlier, to the other later. But this feeling left its mark on the human soul. And often he is kind and bright, despite the pain he has experienced. Why is this happening? Because it is first love that in the vast majority of cases is unselfish. The young soul is not yet burdened with the burden of material and family worries and expects from her partner only the joy of his presence. A person in a state of love is ready to give, to lose his future, well-being, and to sacrifice his life for the sake of his beloved. The latter, by the way, is a good test to understand your own feelings. If the reader has a real feeling of love in his soul, then the very posing of the question of self-sacrifice for the sake of a loved one will cause bewilderment: “This goes without saying.

Without this there is no love. "Usually, it is in this way, unconditionally (without setting any conditions), that a mother loves her child. In feelings between a man and a woman, everything is much more complicated. After the relationship between a couple in love has stabilized, a period of inflated expectations from the relationship and exaggerated demands on the partner begins All this gradually eats away the harmony of the original feeling, a lump of resentment and discontent grows, which ultimately leads to quarrels. It should be noted that the majority of people, when deciding for themselves the question of how to fall out of love, in which psychology is powerless, deliberately repress this bright feeling. a wound up and carefully cultivated feeling of hatred or contempt for a loved one.

And often this process is successful. Which is not surprising, since the worldview of the majority of fellow citizens is based on the principle imposed by the “American” way of life: “take everything from life.” It is “take”, not “give”. Many people forget that there is a law of balance in the world: “if something has gone somewhere, it means something has arrived somewhere.” So, in order to take from life, she must first give something. This could be caring for someone, sacrificing your time, material or other values ​​for the sake of a loved one.

Jealousy often plays a big role in relationships between a man and a woman. Many people even like this feeling. Undoubtedly, it, within reasonable limits and expressed in a non-aggressive form, pleases vanity and gives a feeling of confidence that the partner is truly in love. In this form, jealousy is not dangerous.

If there has been a emotional drama and you have a desire to stop loving your ex-partner, you should not hope for a quick result. Since the feeling of love is alive, it wants to live and develop, therefore it will resist a person’s efforts to suppress it.

How to stop loving someone- This is a common question that psychologists ask. Relationships are a dynamic process and at a certain stage it happens that the best thing for a given relationship would be to end it. This is not only about real relationships, but the same principle of unrequited love. When a person does not receive reciprocal emotions in reality, he tends to fantasize about how good it will be or how it would be. The slightest signals that one would like to interpret as positive in one’s direction also feed illusions. And a person falls in love with the image of a person and a relationship with him created in his fantasy.

If there was communication or a relationship, then by the time the question “how to stop loving a loved one” arises, it has faded away and the partner feels emptiness and disappointment. There is often a feeling of one’s own powerlessness in front of the feeling that should nourish the personality.

In the first, acute period of a breakup, you want to close yourself off and distract yourself, which is a healthy desire of the psyche to survive excessive pain. To be on your own, to be distracted and to forget, when any contact with the topic of love is painful and traumatic for the individual. But the acute period passes, the first pain subsides, and further actions will be the basis for the individual’s ability to form relationships in the future and experience feelings of mutual love. Although after a breakup one gets the impression that there is no longer any strength for the relationship, the heart has given up its last piece, and something like this will not happen again, we must remember that this is... Having gone through the path of recovery, you can restore the ability to love; it is important not to limit yourself to this opportunity, ignoring this need, depriving it of sources of development and denying the ability for mental regeneration.

How to stop loving someone you love very much?

After a breakup, when it becomes clear that the relationship has reached a dead end or there is absolutely no reciprocity, the person seeks help and advice. Discussing with loved ones, friends and a psychologist, a person wants to find peace and get an answer to the question - how to quickly stop loving a person?

Often a person does not want to renounce love, since it is one of those feelings that have great value in life. And sometimes the only reason for refusing it may be precisely the presence of its sincere basis. It is love for another that can motivate one to get rid of feelings for him, since there is an understanding that one’s feelings can only bring negative emotions to one’s loved one.

Love is a reciprocal process and involves an exchange between people. Unilaterally, feelings of such power have a destructive effect on all participants, filling one with excessive pressure, depriving the other of strength and leading him to emotional and psychological exhaustion. This is well reflected in the creative heritage, so watching good romantic films and listening to music can improve perception and give an understanding of the overall investment in love and the need to leave so as not to apply emotional torture to your loved one when you demand feelings from someone who does not want them in return.

You should not avoid communicating with people, especially those in relationships, those in love, those with whom you may have a relationship or those who treat you well. This is often perceived as painful and makes one want to abandon this format. Here, initially, it may be necessary to translate it into practical necessity, as an important element of rehabilitation is a feasible load. To heal, it is necessary to provide building elements, oxygen, and activity. Just as avoiding putting weight on the injured leg will lead to muscle atrophy and problems with future functioning, avoiding communication related to the trauma of love loss can lead to a further inability to form healthy romantic relationships.

Perceiving someone who has fallen out of love as the only couple or soul mate is not a productive strategy. Anyone who has formed a relationship after the end of a previous one knows that the new partner also becomes valuable. Even the subjective strength of feeling is not indicative, since many experienced highly emotional feelings during the period, but remained quite capable of creating a permanent and long-term couple with another person. This should not devalue love relationships in general, which would be the opposite extreme, since simply having a potential opportunity does not make the process of building a love relationship easy or burdensome. But the perception of insurmountable difficulties in relationships, which lead a person to the conclusion that relationships are not needed, control over emotions is equated to the suppression of any manifestations of experiences, which blocks an important aspect of a person’s mental life, since emotions are a kind of fuel for, especially for the creative part. At the same time, we are talking not only about literal creative manifestation, but also about creative transformation and personality change in the process of gaining a new unique experience.

Each person is whole in themselves and has the potential to form healthy and reciprocal relationships with a wide range of people. Each person has the potential to form a wide range of family (including we have no limit on how many children we can love), friendships, therefore it is rather illogical to limit our vision of romantic relationships. The partner seems subjectively unique because we reward him with this value, and in the case of a healthy relationship, he mutually rewards us with similar value and this mutual feeling creates the uniqueness of the couple.

How to stop loving a person who doesn't love you?

When a person comes to understand that feelings are not reciprocated, a desire arises to stop loving in return. And a person asks the question - how to quickly stop loving a person who doesn’t love you? Whether we are talking about existing relationships or about falling in love that is not initially mutual, that if a person is not loving, it means that for a certain period he demonstrated this dislike and behaved like a person who does not love. If a person has a good level of self-esteem, then the feeling will decrease.

How to stop loving your loved one? If a person loves someone very much who is not reciprocated, then the main problem is in the first and there is a way to stop loving. By analogy, you can imagine that a person to whom you are indifferent will come up and hit or insult you. Undoubtedly, no one will tolerate this, and even without a mutual response, there is unlikely to be a desire to hug him. Moreover, it will reinforce a bad attitude. So with love - you are love, you are disliked, love decreases (as in the example, from a neutral attitude to a negative one, here from a positive to a neutral attitude). But to do this, you need to feel your value in your own eyes, and not give the opportunity to destroy the feeling that should bring joy to life.

How to quickly fall out of love with a loved one if there is an understanding that the feelings are not mutual? By the same analogy, you can stop yourself for further manifestations of love without reciprocity. Love is a strong feeling; it is not for nothing that it is opposed to hatred and aggression. They are equivalent, but with different signs. Like sweet and salty. And it seems that if love is a positive feeling, then you can’t do anything bad to it. You can, as you can, overeat sweets. Likewise, for a person who does not love, demonstrating his love is like force-feeding. How to pour boiling water, because the water temperature is above zero. Despite the names positive, positive and negative, negative, in psychology these words do not mean that you need more of the first and less of the second. Everything strives for homeostasis, balance. The meaning is in the force and context of application, and not in the private perception of the sign. This is how you can turn an indifferent person into a hater.

You should not succumb to the desire to compare everyone with the object of love, creating mental dialogues, scenes, real or imagined communication. This creates, psychologically, an illusory reality that is unattainable for creation. A person does not perceive another objectively, but more as a projection of his own world, as well as in the dynamics of relationships that change as the personalities involved in communication change. The image of the lost always, especially initially, takes on large-scale, sometimes grotesque forms in fantasies, therefore what is happening is perceived fatally and uncompromisingly. The value of what is lost devalues ​​other spheres and the surrounding people, drawing all attention to itself, in terms of Gestalt psychology - a figure grows in the field, which does not allow the gestalt of relationships to close.

Another will never be able to provide the opportunity to experience an experience similar to the one that was lost, because he is different, a person looking for the likeness of an old partner, is already different, since he has received a new experience, the relationship between them must also be formed without attracting old communications. This is also one of the reasons why sometimes love relationships end - without seeing changes in the partner and, holding on to the image in illusions, moments of cooling and discontent are ignored, which gradually lead to the destruction of the relationship.

Having encountered disappointment in a relationship, a person wants to understand how to quickly stop loving a loved one. Switch. Saying is not doing, but this is true with any undertaking. In psychoneurology there is the concept of a “dominant” - a center of brain activity, the nerve paths to which are trodden and it absorbs thoughts. Love (or rather, the projection of a person in the psyche) can become such a dominant and it seems that it is impossible to think about anything else. In order to reduce the attractiveness of the dominant for the nervous system, it is necessary to create another one. How to use sluice gates to transfer the pressure of the river to another place and distribute the energy. But in the case of a river, if you put a mechanical obstacle and the job is done, then the nervous system needs time to switch, and the impulse, out of habit, tends to the old place. Therefore, in the first stages, you need to remind yourself and, with a strong-willed effort, perform actions to switch to something else. Work, sports, creativity - the list is banal, but the most effective methods are usually the most predictable.

That is why the least likely question like this: “how to stop loving a person?” is asked by people who have several “centers of activity”, because they are initially divided into different areas. Therefore, the principle of “throwing yourself into work” plays into a person’s hands. Or train for a marathon. Or study the work of a graphics program in order to upload beautiful photos to a social network. For the same reason, alcohol is not a solution in the long term; addiction can be formed using the same principle.

We are, of course, not talking about a one-time event. It is quite acceptable to suffer, cry, etc. once (or several times), and seek help and support from relatives and friends. But this also should not be turned into a habit. By constantly discussing the situation and emotionally reinforcing it, the dominant only increases. If you want to cry, you need to cry, but purposefully putting yourself in a situation where tears will appear, for example, in the next discussion, this is some kind of mockery of yourself. For the same reason, it is good and beneficial to be alone for some time, especially if there is a general tendency to experience some processes on your own. But making a constant choice in its favor is a bad strategy for your further development and will only take away the source of bright emotions and paralyze an important part of human life.

How to stop loving a person? Psychologists advise going on dates. Initially, to switch, shift thoughts from one partner dominant in fantasies to other potential ones. When a person is faced with disappointment in love, his self-worth for partnerships in his subjective perception decreases, and doubt arises in his ability for effective love communication. And if during such a traumatic situation one chooses isolation, then such a perception will be strengthened (since the possibility of a positive experience is deprived) and in the future a fear of communication or a devaluation of relationships may form when they talk about the “habit of loneliness.” There may also be certain pitfalls here, but from the point of view of switching, communication takes precedence over isolation.

Hello. I am 28 years old. 2 years ago I got a new job, there I immediately fell in love with a girl (the same age), at first I didn’t show it in any way, and at first I wasn’t completely sure of my feelings. Then we started talking. I did not hide my intentions towards her. Yes, and she also behaved adequately at first, flirted, smiled, but things didn’t go further... She refused to go on dates or just friendly outings, although after persuasion she still agreed, but at the very last moment she canceled everything (she wrote something like come on communicate only about work or you don’t attract me). And indeed it was. And then again, after another week, she began to flirt. I call her again and again everything is according to the old scheme (some kind of stupid excuse). This happened more than once... Sometimes she called (or hinted), but then everything was canceled again, through her fault. In general, she played with my feelings (she would let me take one step, push me away by 2). If I didn’t love her, I would have sent her away long ago. I still don’t understand what she feels (felt) for me. This nonsense lasted for about a year, during this period I didn’t have any relationships, and I didn’t even want to look at other girls. She kept saying that she had no one, although in fact there were more than one, two guys, I know for sure, she changed at least... (I asked about one of them, who is it? - she said it was a friend). Now, a year later, I was tired of this whole thing and I began to simply ignore her (I talked only about business, avoided her as much as possible, my feelings for her gradually began to subside, I suppressed all meanings about her through an effort of will, transferred them to something else, tried to distract myself) , it took 3 months, after which something went wrong with her again (apparently another “friend” left her) and she started asking me out on a date, and not face to face, but in front of her colleagues, and then I got carried away with her ridiculed, made me look like a complete fool (he took revenge). Then a month later we were still arguing over text (we swore at each other), I told her everything I thought about her. She stated that she was dating and her name was to get married. This was six months ago. After which I went on dates with different girls (2 times successfully), but not a single relationship lasted more than two weeks and I left them myself, everything simply began to irritate me. And my colleague continues to encounter the same thing to this day. I’ve been ignoring her for these six months, but I can’t stop thinking about her, since I see her almost every day, and if I still have to communicate (at work), then in the evening my head is bursting with thoughts, although I still can’t say that I love her , rather, I hate her, all thoughts about her are mostly in a negative way, although sometimes crazy ideas pop up in my head (all sorts of rays of hope: “maybe she still loves me? “, although I immediately understand that this is nonsense) I don’t want to quit, but it’s also impossible to live like this. I’m falling in love so much for the 3rd time in my life, before I just stopped communicating with the person and everything went away in six months to a year.

Hello. I am 25 years old. I have this problem. Two weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend. We stayed together for 3 years, of which we lived together for one year. Due to the fact that we live in a boring, small town, she always wanted to move somewhere else and begin to realize herself there. I understood her perfectly, but for now I couldn’t go anywhere, because I was afraid of failures, and I didn’t want to take risks .But still I was looking for options to leave and pick her up. And then the moment came when she decided to go to the capital, work, and rent an apartment there with a friend. I let her go, with the pretext that I would soon come to her there, and we would live together. Everything was fine. The last 2 weeks before she left were unforgettable. She cried, said that she herself was no longer glad that she was leaving me, but there was no turning back, we had to go forward. She left and left me a letter in which she described her feelings, how afraid she was of losing me. How much he loves, and what will be waiting for me. I promised her that a little more and I will come. She knew that I would come, it was a matter of time. But a week later, when she was already in the capital, our conversation came down to the fact that she had cooled down towards me. Apparently she fell out of love. She herself doesn’t understand why, but as if “with the snap of a finger” she realized that she didn’t love me. In a panic, I went there to find out everything. But in the end I heard the same thing, only in person. That there is no chance, and that nothing can be returned. And she doesn’t love me. I thought that maybe such a standard of living as in the capital “blurred her eyes,” but this was not her first time there. And she traveled a lot. And I thought that I had found someone else, but she denies it, and says that she is fine now alone, and she doesn’t need anyone. But I can’t believe it. If I don’t buy it, I can believe that it’s all over. And I can't help it. I love her very much. Help with advice, please.

• Hold on. I myself have a similar situation, six months have passed since that moment, and I’m still suffering. Just like I said on a click, and so I didn’t find out why this happened, I want to get an answer but there is none, I just fell out of love as if by clicking...

Hello. I am 20 years old.
I'm ashamed to admit, but that's how it happened. Anything can happen in life.
I am having an affair with a married man who is considerably older than me. Not even quite an affair, but rare meetings... Most likely I’m not even second after his wife, but 10, but I can’t say because I don’t know this. Just recently I realized that I love him. I understand perfectly well and know that he has absolutely no feelings for me, except for attraction sometimes. I don’t want to take him away from the family, I wouldn’t even marry him, because I understand perfectly well that having married me, after some time he will begin to do the same to me as he did to his wife.
He is a wonderful lover, handsome in appearance, and interesting to spend time with (in terms of conversations, which are not particularly large-scale and long, but still). He works in another city. After the next meeting, when he leaves, I fall into the most prolonged depression, I want to scream and cry bitterly. I don’t care about him, I constantly think about him, although I tried to stop focusing on him. I won’t say that he is special, he didn’t even give gifts, he didn’t bother to look after me. I just fell in love at first sight, at that time he and his wife had a crisis in their relationship, almost on the verge of divorce, but they stayed together, I won’t say that the reason was their child together. Maybe, and most likely, he just loves his wife. Of course, it kills and destroys me to realize that I am just a “toy” for him (to put it mildly), because there are many cases when lovers have mutual feelings, but here, alas. I have never even heard compliments addressed to me. The last time I joked I said that I loved him. After that he fell silent, this is probably the end of everything, they can’t say that. I can't even hate him. A person can come to terms with everything. I have only one request to you, advise me personally on tactics to forget and throw him and feelings for him out of my heart, head... and as quickly as possible. It doesn’t give me peace, it prevents me from living. I know that I myself am to blame for this, but I sincerely ask for your help.
Human thanks.

Hello, my name is Arina
For the first time in my life, I truly fell in love with a person, yes, we had a good relationship for about a year and a half, then I introduced him to my friend. She fell in love with him, and he paid enough attention to her, jealousy is an understatement. Well, everything is fine. And a month ago he completely stopped communicating with me, and everything collapsed for me, I don’t get enough sleep, I cry at night. Help me, tell me, I will be grateful)

Hello! I am 18 years old. I am worried about my state of depression, apathy and disappointment, which I often feel when I am alone with myself. This is always associated with memories of a guy who, as soon as we met and started dating, left me and went to study in another city, without any explanation (this happened 3 years ago), where he had already acquired several passions. I tried to cope with my feelings in my own way: I wrote poetry, changed my image, circle of interests and acquaintances, place of residence, some habits, even admitted my sympathy to another young man. At the same time, I was constantly drawn to write to him (which I did several times), follow his profile on social networks, withdraw from society, “get drunk” and grieve, tell someone about it (even though there was no one), etc. There was no relationship after this incident. Mixed feelings of resentment, contempt, longing, hope and adoration still “overwhelm” me when I am mentally and physically tired, or when I see an attractive young man, or when I see others happier in love, or when reading/watching/listening some materials. How can I stop my emotional addiction and finally live my own life?

• Hello Alex. If this is the first feeling, then it will be very difficult to get rid of it. And it’s not worth it, the more you try not to think about it, the more intrusive the thoughts become. Mentally thank the guy for the wonderful moments that you experienced together, remember these happy days with gratitude, wish him happiness and gradually you will return to your old life. There is no need to be offended or sad - the guy doesn’t owe you anything, treat the breakup situation with understanding, with ease, and this bright feeling of love will appear in your life again. You will attract new love into your life.

Hello. I recently separated from my husband. Our second child was born and in his month of life we ​​quarreled and I kicked my husband out. And he left, I didn’t stop him. It's been 8 months since he left. He's already married. There is a period when he needs his eldest daughter. I don't care about my 8 month old son at all. But there was a period when he came and wanted to repair a crib for his son and disappeared again, he wanted to go into the apartment, I wasn’t there, before that he didn’t want to go in at all. Now he’s disappeared again, I think for a few days, up to 2 weeks. If we start corresponding with him, he always blames me for kicking me out and it’s her own fault, he’s good, he put up with it as much as he could, but couldn’t stand it and left when I again kicked him out once. I don't think he needs us. Where he is now loved and respected, I did not give this. I just want to forget and stop loving. Tell me how best to do this. He practically does not communicate with children.