We are surprised when our children begin to be rude to us, to behave, as it seems to us, in a way that we did not allow ourselves. They move away from us. In the most extreme cases, begin to use drugs and become involved in criminal groups. Such teenagers are characterized by suggestibility, infantility, and emotional immaturity. And this is not because these characteristic traits were inherent in them from birth, it is we who raised them this way. It was not the TV that raised them, nor the computer, but adults who allowed them to watch and play them uncontrollably. We didn't hear or notice them when we needed to.

Shortage parental attention

If you want to grow good children, spend half the money and twice the time on them.
We are surprised when our children begin to be rude to us, to behave, as it seems to us, in a way that we did not allow ourselves. They move away from us. In the most extreme cases, they begin to use drugs and become involved in criminal groups. Such teenagers are characterized by suggestibility, infantility, and emotional immaturity. And this is not because these characteristic traits were inherent in them from birth, it is we who raised them this way. It was not the TV that raised them, nor the computer, but adults who allowed them to watch and play them uncontrollably. We didn't hear or notice them when we needed to.

Of course, each of us has many reasons that justify us. Like: “This is the time, we need to move around...”. But as we go further and further into our problems and pressing concerns, we alienate children from our hearts. And they reciprocate our feelings. Realizing that their peer group needs them more than we do.

By staying late at work, taking work home, going on endless business trips, losing ourselves in fatigue, unbridledness and the “unboundness” of our desires, we lose contact with our children. Particularly “tormented” parents begin to complain to their children about their lives, about their overwork, and powerlessness in the face of how difficult it is to raise a son or daughter of a “failing student.” Taking out his aggression on children for his own dissatisfaction in life. Thus, creating in children a feeling of guilt and a sense of their own worthlessness. Of course, you want to get away from this, go to a place where they accept and understand.

This situation is not uncommon and is increasingly becoming commonplace in our lives. Every year more and more children with lack of attention from their parents come for consultations with psychologists. The meaning of a request for a psychologist’s work is usually the same: “Do something with him so that he doesn’t do this again.” The very wording of the request contains emotional rejection of the child.

Feeling “unnecessary” to their parents, children begin to behave demonstratively. By “demonstrativeness” we can understand wide range behavioral reactions. From excessive motor activity to aggressive behavior. General reaction accompanied by an unstable mood, which is exaggerated in adolescence and becomes more noticeable. U demonstrative behavior, no matter how much it manifests itself, there is one motive - to make sure that I am noticed. And the older the child gets, the stronger it becomes characteristic feature. And it’s good if this trait in a person helps him become good actor or realize yourself in another creative activity, but more often this leads to emotional instability and behavioral disorders that leave an imprint on a person’s entire life. This feeling remains in the form of emptiness, a feeling that something is missing in life, and this “emptiness” needs to be filled with something. This is often one of the factors in the formation of addictions. Trying to fill the “spiritual emptiness,” a person is faced with dissatisfaction, because “ spiritual emptiness"is the spiritual beginning of human life; it is not possible to fill it with material things. This seems possible only with the help of spiritual development.

Our reality really forces an adult to work a lot, to lead active image life, be able to navigate a large flow of information. It is also necessary to devote time to rest, preparing and eating food, sleeping and other needs. As a result, there is no time left for children at all, or some time is left, but not enough. How to be in modern conditions, when the journey to and from work alone sometimes takes several hours?

The situation is so complicated that it forces experts to talk about the formation of an “infantile society.” The main motives of behavior are to attract attention to oneself at any cost, and the essence of which is emotional immaturity, the inability to make decisions competently, confidently, responsibly and in childish (capricious) reactions to what is happening. Simply put, we are increasingly learning to play strict parents, while remaining in a childish position. And this is natural. How can an adult be raised if these same adults did not and do not pay him due attention? Don’t they show them their own positive example, don’t they develop positive values ​​and skills for a sensitive attitude towards the world and others? They are not given enough love, thereby not teaching them to love? We're busy. We have no time for that. Or our wrong understanding of love and education turns our children into those who have no time for us.

What needs to be done? First you just need to think about what you are making of your life? What do you want from life?
You need to understand that your attention and time are valuable to your children. That children don't smile for no reason. These reasons are created for children by adults. And it’s good if he is able to bring a smile to a child’s face not only with a purchase new toy. Our time is the time of the ability to set priorities correctly. And it will be more beneficial for the child if you put him first. Do not distance yourself from him by going off to “important matters,” at least when he asks for your attention. Psychologists advise planning your busy schedule, setting aside time to communicate with your child. However, putting your child as a priority, you should be able to allocate to him at any time required time, even if you are very busy. Sometimes our children need less than we think. And this “small” fits into the concept of love.

To raise a child healthy person, you need to be his parent. This means giving him attention and time, giving him the necessary affection and warmth, loving him and telling him about it.

There are some rules for parents who would like to fulfill their role not only formally, following which will help your son or daughter become happier:

1. Strive to both participate in raising your child, do not shift responsibility onto one parent;

2. Do not swear or insult each other in front of the child;

3. Eat meals together at least once a day, and remember that happy families they are talking at the table;

4. Show love to your spouse by showing your child that you are happy together;

5. Keep your promises or don’t promise if you are not sure that you can fulfill it;

6. Show and tell your child more often how beautiful and interesting this world is;

7. Organize family vacation together;

8. Plan joint travel and outings into nature;

9. Arrange family holidays and events

10. Spend time on the physical, intellectual, spiritual and moral development of your children;

11. Try to communicate with other families with children;

12. If anything from this list causes you difficulties, do not hesitate to seek help from specialists.

Attention rating scale.

The concept of attention is ambiguous. Attention can have many characteristics and manifestations. The task of every parent is to give their child as much quality attention as possible. This is extremely important for happy development and emotional well-being children younger age. If we visually imagine attention as a scale with values ​​from “A” to “Z”, then we will clearly see pronounced extremes with many shades and shapes in between. The “A” meaning is the best, it is represented by such manifestations of close cooperation of the “child - parent” type, such as conversations, reading books, playing together and tender hugs. At the other end of the scale is the “I” (worst) value, which includes cases where the presence of children is not consciously noticed by adults. But as we go down the scale, the quality of attention given to the child gradually decreases. Children, as a rule, expect attention from us top quality and, if they do not receive it, they themselves begin to descend down the scale of behavior until they find an acceptable way to achieve desired result.

Examples of scale values. If parents are too busy to pay attention to level A, then young children drop several levels lower - to B, C or D. They will probably ask endless questions without being particularly interested in the answers, in which case it will be enough for them to at least somehow communicate with them and pay at least some attention. If parental attention is below levels “B”, “C” and “D”, then effective method disputes and objections may arise. Children may claim that white is black and argue with you about everything, foaming at the mouth.

Somewhere in the middle of the scale, young children discover that if they answer all questions with the word “no,” their mother’s undivided attention will be guaranteed. If for some reason this method does not work, children can always ride on their younger brother, sister or dog, turn off the TV in the middle of your favorite show, or do unthinkable things with your cat. This time, parents will definitely pay their precious attention to their own child!

One more in an efficient way To attract the attention of mom and dad are “bad” words. “I hate you, mom. You love Dasha more than me” - such statements will be heard again and again until the addressee shows the desired attention.

At the lowest level is attention of the poorest quality. Parents yell at their children in anger and sometimes even spank them. It's hard for you to understand, but a child can enjoy even such attention. Remember that even a spank will cause less mental (and physical) pain to your child than completely ignoring him.

Why is it important to spend time with your child?

Many people claim that a child is the most important thing in life, and that their love simply knows no boundaries, since there is nothing more expensive. However, as practice has shown, modern parents They devote more time to their apartment, car and dacha, but not to their beloved baby. In fact, taking care of minor things for the benefit of the child has become more important than the child himself!

All parents shouldspend time with your child, since this is extremely important for his development, education and formation as a person. We should always remember that our life is short, and therefore, devoting it entirely to work and not paying attention to loved ones would be extremely stupid.

We cannot allow our lives to slip through our fingers, pushing away those who truly love us. After all, if you are gone tomorrow, another person will quickly take your place at work. But your children will not be able to replace you with anyone, since for them you are valuable by your very existence.

Save time for the child! - this is a priority position. For the rest we distribute time according to the residual principle.

Most often, young children are given increased attention, but as soon as the child grows up, parents begin to devote minimal time to the child, thus trying to teach him to be independent. However, children's independence and the manifestation of parental attention are two different things. If you believe the statistics, the most independent and caring children grow up from those who received a lot of parental attention.

In practice, spending time with your child is very easy and pleasant. It is enough to talk to him, accompany him with hugs and glances, all this will be simply priceless for a child, no matter how old he is. Be sure to make it clear that he is more important than your job, car and everything else that you devote a lot of time to. Thanks to such simple ways the child will gain confidence and self-esteem, and this will certainly be useful to him in the future. Just systematically debug all your affairs and devote yourself to your child. Of course, feeding, clothing and giving space for development is very important. But this cannot replace parental attention, and at the same time, your attention should not turn into close control, which develops inferiority in children.

Be sure to think about how much time you devote to your child and try to devote at least a minute more to him every day. Remember that your child will be your main support in old age.

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Every parent's dream is a healthy, active child who studies well, successfully masters the skills of playing instruments and drawing, and always manages to complete his plans. But, unfortunately, these dreams are overshadowed by one unpleasant trait of the baby - inattention.

Causes of childhood inattention

Parents should not panic and make an appointment with a neurologist. First you need to find out the reasons that led to this problem.

Hyperactivity or attention deficit in adults. Such children are not difficult to spot playground, they are not in one place for a minute. Always in a hurry somewhere, rushing and distracted by all sorts of things. external factors. Problems of this nature are detected at the age of 3-5 years and require great patience from parents. The upbringing of such a child should be under the supervision of doctors, teachers and psychologists.

Frequent protracted illnesses. Poor health is another reason why a child forgets everything and is inattentive. To replenish energy reserve Children, it is necessary to systematically take courses of vitamins for schoolchildren.

Peculiarities nervous system. Attentive, active and stable children with a labile character. Their inert classmates will be more lethargic and mediocre.

High loads result in fatigue. Experts say that intense school curriculum and the desire of parents to involve the child in all circles leads to overload. As a result, efficiency and attentiveness decrease.

Lack of motivation. Even one year old baby will pay his attention to the toy that he likes. When performing boring, uninteresting tasks, attention drops exponentially.

Risk group

Absent-minded and inattentive child not uncommon today, but in some cases the problem is especially acute. Stress, chronic fatigue, an unharmonious daily routine, abuse of unhealthy food and poor ecology aggravate this character trait. Parents must make every effort to provide their child with ideal conditions accommodation.

Signs of an inattentive baby

Absent-mindedness and lack of concentration in a child can manifest itself in the following:

1. Quick, superficial completion of assigned tasks, especially school assignments.
2. Slowness.
3. Daydreaming.
4. Fatigue quickly even from a small amount of work.
5. A large number of errors when performing simple tasks.
6. Lack of attentiveness and concentration during work.

Finding a solution to the problem

If a child is inattentive, what should I do? The main thing is not to get excited and not make complex diagnoses. All parents should remember this. Pediatric experts recommend training voluntary attention With infancy. Helping moms and dads wide range educational toys in children's stores. Dynamic attributes will improve the attention of babies up to one year old.

If problems with attention disorders appeared in adulthood, for example, when the child entered kindergarten or school, it is necessary to look for the main causes of inattention. Teachers recommend optimizing the child’s workspace as much as possible - setting aside a separate quiet place in the house where he can concentrate and prepare his homework.

Inattention in class

Developing memory and attention is a direct path to straight A's. The main cause of absent-mindedness junior high school student- insufficient participation of parents in educational process or its complete absence. To develop a child’s attentiveness as much as possible, you need to work with him from the first day of school, including vacations. First of all, it is necessary to find out what teachers and parents mean by the concept of “inattention”. Secondly, monitor how absent-mindedness manifests itself in a child.

There are often cases when a student is inattentive in a particular discipline. This means that the subject is not interesting to him or the teacher is unable to interest the children. If confusion persists at home, something is probably bothering the baby.

How to help your child become more attentive?

In an effort to help a child, adults need to be guided by just one rule - you need to educate not the baby, but yourself. This work is not easy, it takes a lot of effort and time, but the result will be simply stunning! By and large, not much is required from parents:

It is important to understand that all efforts made in the fight against a child’s inattention will be nullified without daily classes and exercises. They are simple, accessible, and do not require special time or emotional investment. In return, they will provide an entertaining pastime and a great mood.

“I won’t get lost” - an exercise to develop attention

A simple technique is aimed at developing concentration and eliminating attention distribution disorders in children. The child is asked to count to 31, saying each number out loud. In this case, numbers that contain three or are multiples of this number should not be named. Instead, the student should say “I won’t get lost.” For example: 1, 2, “I won’t get lost,” 4, 5, “I won’t get lost,” 7, 8, “I won’t get lost,” and then up to 31.

"The letter is prohibited"

Typical An adult names a letter that should not be used in a word. The child is asked a simple question, for example, what is the name of the teacher, what day of the week is it today, etc. He must give an answer without hesitation, excluding the forbidden letter from the phrase. For example, the letter “n” is forbidden; when asked what month of the year it is today (November), the child must answer “October”.

The essence of the exercise is simplicity. Don't ask too much difficult questions, the student must answer without hesitation or hesitation. If the wrong answer was given, the partners change roles - the child becomes the leader and asks his questions.

"Observation"

With this exercise, an inattentive child will be able to develop visual attention. Mom or Dad should encourage him to remember objects that he has encountered many times. There are a lot of options - grandma's apartment, the way to school, the location of attractions on the playground. It is necessary to describe in as much detail as possible, paying attention to even insignificant details.

The game can be a team game. For example, one of the children acts as a responder, and the others prompt him or complete the answer.

Educational game for attention “Palms”

The described attentiveness task is perfect for children with impaired concentration. Multiple players (the more, the more interesting) sit in a circle and place their palms on their neighbors’ knees. Right hand each participant should lie on the left knee of the neighbor on the right, and the left one should lie on the right knee of the neighbor on the left. At the command of an adult (you can play fast, catchy music) you should raise your palms in turn, forming smooth wave. Guys who raise their hands at the wrong time are excluded from the circle of players. The winner will be the one whose palm remains in the game last.

"It flies - it doesn't fly"

A game for developing attention for children, aimed at training its voluntary switching. Participants sit in a semicircle. The presenter, teacher or parent begins to list the items. If the spoken object is flying, children must raise their arms above their heads, otherwise they must sit still.

As soon as the guys get the hang of it, the boss can begin to play tricks by raising his hand up on a non-flying object. In view of the actions of the force of imitation of the hands of some participants will rise intuitively.

Everyone's task child participant- raise your hands deliberately, not paying attention to the actions of your neighbors and the presenter.

Riddles for developing attention

Riddles for attentiveness will help in game form increase the child's intelligence and ability to concentrate.

Riddle No. 1. The chest lies at the bottom of the ocean. It has everything but one thing. What are we talking about?

Answer: emptiness.

Riddle #2: A plane flies from Berlin to New Mexico. You are his navigator. There will be one change in Paris. What is the navigator's last name?

Answer: defendant's name.

Riddle No. 3. You are locked in a dark room, holding a box with one match inside. It's on the table in the corner gas stove, there is a candle in the glass. Which item will have to be lit first?

Answer: A match. An excellent riddle for attentiveness and the ability to find the simplest solution to a problem.

Riddle No. 4. How many black peppercorns will fit into one glass glass?

Answer: None, peas don’t go.

Riddle No. 5. It has begun pouring rain, I had to open my umbrella. What umbrella am I standing under?

Answer: Under wet. Simple logic problem.

Riddle No. 6. Two men are walking towards each other. They are absolutely identical in age, height, etc. Which of the men will be the first to say hello?

Answer: The most polite.

Riddle No. 7. Seven sisters live in the country, no one sits idle. The first girl watches TV, the second cooks dinner, the third does a crossword puzzle, the fourth plays chess, the fifth takes care of plants, the sixth washes clothes. What does the seventh sister do?

Answer: plays chess (this is a doubles game, so the fourth is unlikely to play alone).

In 99 cases out of 100, the cause of disobedience, misunderstanding, hysterics and other difficulties in the relationship between parents and children is not the child, but the PARENT.

I would like to frame these words and ask you to hang them in a prominent place in your home. If a child does not listen to you, the reason is YOU, not the child. You need to understand your behavior, and only then think about how you can help your child.

So, the very first and main reason- lack of attention. No matter how trivial it may sound.

Think right now, how often do you pay attention to your child if he doesn’t scream, doesn’t throw a tantrum, completely acts the way you want him to?

Usually little attention is paid to such children. The child is busy with something, mom or dad are minding their own business. This is the most simple situation, which suits everyone, especially parents.

Today it is very difficult to give a child a lot of attention and time. Parents usually spend a lot of time at work. However, you don't need to spend 24 hours a day with your child in order for him to receive the attention he needs.

Just become a friend for him, a person who loves him under any circumstances, no matter what happens. Become someone who truly loves, appreciates and supports you in any situation.

The most important and valuable thing for children is to be loved. Plants reach for the sun in order to live. Our children are also drawn to those who sincerely love and appreciate them. Therefore, if you show them your love, devotion, warmth and care not in words, but in deeds, they will never commit an act that may upset you. And when making an important decision for them, they will first of all consult with you, and not with their friends.

Many people believe and teach people who have not yet become parents that life does not change in any way after a child appears in the family. This is fundamentally wrong. With the appearance of a new person in your life, everything changes. Everything that was previously in first place fades into the background. For the next 15-18 years, the most important concern in your life will be children.

Children are the most great joy, but at the same time, the greatest responsibility. Children are something that will stay with you forever. Friends, work, thoughts and beliefs, even a spouse can come and go, but children remain forever. The most difficult thing in raising and caring for children is giving up some, and sometimes many, activities that were important to you before. Gradually you will give up everything that wastes your time.

Many married couples, especially those who have lived a long time life together before the birth of a child, they believe that it is possible to combine entertainment, hobbies, lead an active lifestyle, as before, and be excellent parents.

In my opinion, this is the deepest misconception. Yes, without children you can travel, communicate unlimited time with friends, girlfriends, relatives, engage in your favorite hobbies, and so on. But when a child appears, if not the end of all this, then... at least, temporary calm. This is absolutely normal and natural.

In fact, from the moment your child is born, your life changes. All your affairs are relegated to the background. First of all, you now need to take care of your child. You and only you influence 99% of his character, development, feelings and emotions, in general, how his entire future life will turn out.

Every child, and yours is no exception, needs attention. This is a truism, but not many parents understand it. And some people simply forget.

Attention from parents is the same need of every child as the need for food and walks. fresh air. Give your child as much time as possible more attention! Every day! Every free minute!

How to give as much attention as a child needs?

Of course, the obvious answer is to increase the amount of attention. Easy to say, but hard to do! And how to determine this level?

We all work, we have a lot to do, both men and women. Millions of women all over the world go to work every day, prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner, wash and iron, and clean. There are a thousand more things that definitely need to be done!

1. Dear mothers! Make a habit from today Give each child 15-30 minutes time within the next 90 days. Don’t just turn on a cartoon and go to the kitchen, but read a fairy tale, draw together, sculpt, cook together, listen to your child, talk about how your day went. Go to the theater, cinema, skating rink, park. Go with the whole family! You yourself will not notice how this 15-30 minutes every day will radically change your life and your relationship with your child! You will experience incredible happiness and pride in what you do. After all, only 15% of parents devote 30 minutes a day to communicate with their child!!! Be better than the other 75%!!!
Stand in line with Best Parents Planets!!!

2. Plan your day in such a way that you have enough time for both work and family. Every day, do the things related to these two areas of your life first, and only then do the rest.

3. The most important thing you have is your family and your home. Spend as much time as possible at home with your loved ones.
At work the main thing is quality, at home it’s quantity!

4. Always spend free time usefully. For example, when I'm driving with my child in the car, I don't turn on the tape recorder. Much for me It's more important to talk to your child about his feelings, plans, events in his life, than listening to his favorite song or news on the radio.

5. When a child wants to tell you something, listen to him carefully. Instead of trying to listen with half your ear, turn to it, stop what you are doing and listen carefully! Don't pretend to listen, just listen!

6.Always go on vacation with the whole family. Many people want to take a break from loved ones on vacation. Yes, there is some logic in this. But! Take a break from everyone, i.e. Spend time alone with yourself regularly. To do this, make it a rule in your family to free your husband (wife) from all worries for 1-2 hours twice a week, and do the same yourself. Spend time with and for yourself twice a week. Take a walk, go to a cafe with a friend, go shopping, go to the pool, etc. And spend your vacation with the whole family. Of course, many parents want to take a break from their children and be alone with each other. Also, do this regularly and don’t tie it to vacation!

So, the most common cause bad behavior- This is a struggle for the attention of parents. As soon as a child begins to behave badly, parents are immediately distracted from their important and necessary matters and rush to raise their child. If the child does not receive the right amount of attention, the only way he sees it as disobedience to earn this attention!

Conclusion: the child needs your attention as much as he needs food or sleep. This is a normal need that he simply needs to normal height and development!

based on materials from the group