The aggressor pressed the victim against the wall in the corner of the toilet, tore off her underwear, covered her mouth and nose and performed sexual acts on her. According to the victim, no one present at the party paid any attention to what happened and even her therapist “wasn’t impressed.”

Most of the horror stories you read involve a man attacking a woman - but that's certainly not the only type of sexual assault. Women rape men, men rape men, and some women rape other women. Such attacks happen less frequently, but that's not all. Because people simply cannot comprehend such attacks, victims often suffer in silence, seeing that others do not attach due importance to what happened.

The victim, who wished to remain anonymous, wrote an essay for xoJane in which she shared her experience.

She was attacked one night in December 2013 during a ladies' night out attended by six other women. They all knew each other or had mutual friends.

Therefore, when a woman with whom she had a mutual friend approached her, she did not expect any trick. She began to ask her about her personal life, and the narrator did not hide the fact that her marriage was on the verge of collapse and she had not had sex for a long time. This is where things took a strange turn:

“She looked me straight in the eyes, and I noticed that her gaze became languid as she said: “But you’re so sexy.” You deserve sex."

Although the narrator believed that the woman was simply trying to comfort her, she felt uneasy. She decided not to drink anymore because she felt she needed to turn on her guard.

The interlocutor then said that she needed help and asked the narrator to go with her to the bathroom. Deciding that she had simply drunk too much, she followed her.

But when they entered the bathroom, the woman locked the door and pressed the victim against the sink. “She looked at me with a glazed look, exhaled: “You’re so sexy,” and suddenly pulled my panties off. I started screaming, but she put her hand over my mouth and I started choking.”

The more the victim resisted, the tighter the hand squeezed her mouth and nose. She had no choice but to endure.

Luckily, the rest of the party guests started looking for them, and as they approached the bathroom door, her captor became nervous. She removed her hand from the victim's mouth, pulled up her panties and walked out.

***

After the attack, the author of the story was in absolute shock. She immediately told her friend what had happened, but she was too drunk to support her and explained the situation to the hostess of the party.

The attacker began to cry and explain herself. The owner told the victim that she could spend the night in her bed today so that no one would pester her anymore, but no one condemned the culprit of the incident or even asked her to leave.

“Sometimes such misunderstandings happen at parties,- said the hostess. - Girl dramas!

The woman was in such a state that she did not have the strength to go home, and she stayed overnight. The next day, the lady who attacked her was no longer there, and everyone else acted as if nothing had happened.

The victim staggered home and found several messages on Facebook from her abuser, who tried to explain herself and even asked if they could meet again and do it again.

***

“No one ever talked to me about it again, which really pissed me off.”— the victim admitted. One of the guests at that party even pretended not to know her when they met.

Everyone seemed to have forgotten about what happened - but the victim herself was less fortunate. She couldn't forget. This is a test "had a profound impact on her mental health and sex life."

Soon she separated from her husband. And even when she started dating men again, she sex life didn't work out.

Like a man possessed, she began spending 20 hours a week or more in gym and put on 20 kg of muscle mass so that she would feel strong enough to be able to resist possible attacks in the future.

Many of her relationships ended before they even began because she felt no one took her pain to heart—including her own therapist. People cannot understand that rape committed by a woman is no less terrible and cruel. Even the policeman did not pay any attention to the incident and advised her not to waste time in filing a complaint.

The narrator discovered that some people had a hard time understanding that intimate acts between two women could be considered sex, let alone the possibility of rape occurring between two members of the fair sex. She sees part of the problem in the fact that for some reason women are initially considered “non-violent.”

“The fact that one woman can rape another is rarely discussed at all. Victims are often not believed or consider what happened to be a failed lesbian experiment, as happened in my case,- writes the author. — I was exposed sexual violence from both men and women, and in the second case my experiences were no less terrible, but I still received much less support after being attacked by a woman. Not only did no one sympathize, but they didn’t even understand that this was not a trifle.”

Domestic violence mainly affects women. Violence occurs less frequently women in relation to men and specific information about them is difficult to obtain. Men resort to violence in an attempt to exert pressure and demonstrate their power over women.

Physical violence is the most common type domestic violence. Assault, rape, stabbing of women by men are terrible and unacceptable for family relations, however known to everyone through means mass media. The very existence of domestic violence suggests that the whole society is sick, and not just the men who beat them and the women who endure them.
If a man can allow himself to raise his hand against a woman, it means something is wrong in a society where the emancipation of women has already been announced. Aggressive behavior many men beat their wives, the reason improper upbringing to families. They saw scenes of violence in their home, where the father repeatedly beat the mother, who took it for granted, without any condemnation. Such children, becoming adults, believe that women should obey male superiority.

Many women in many cases are forced to forgive men for the fact beatings, because they consider themselves guilty of the cause of male aggression and hope that it was last time, and he will improve. The situation is further complicated by the fact that the husband and wife are close people, especially if they have children together. These women typically low self-esteem and hopelessness from the created situation.

Every person has the right to be angry, but no one has no the right to abuse others. The most effective solution to the problem of beatings or other extreme behavior on the part of a man is a divorce from an abusive partner. A man who raised his hand against a woman will never correct himself, and it is impossible to re-educate him.

Of course, psychologists recommend everyone specific consider the case separately and believe that in any relationship where there is beating, both spouses are mainly to blame. Violence can be avoided if each partner sees their other half as a person and not as their property. As experience shows, divorce in many cases does not solve problems; women divorced because of the assault of their husband are again subjected to violence in subsequent relationships.
Therefore, in order not to repeat previous mistakes, women must free themselves from abusive relationship patterns. Will help build a model of such relationships experienced psychologists. Don't hesitate to reach out to them and tell them your problems.

Psychological violence consists of of two components - isolation and humiliation of women. Man by constant criticism, insults, contempt and humiliation gradually destroys social environment and the woman's contacts, starting with parental family. The woman finds herself isolated and does not seek outside support; her only close person remains her abuser.
The husband humiliates and insults his wife in order to confine her to the house, separate her from relatives and friends, or prohibit her from working. Often such men do not even understand that they are being violent, since they have not seen any other attitude towards women since childhood and think that everyone lives like this normal families. Repeated violence leads a woman to psychological suffering, stress and depression, and sometimes even more serious consequences, - for example, to suicide attempts. Experienced psychologists will tell you ways out of psychological violence in each specific case.

Physical and psychological violence contribute to a woman’s nervous trauma and deprive her of the right to choose life path. In contrast, sexual violence is more insidious because sex is usually a source of pleasure and intimacy. intimate connection. Sexual violence is any type of sexual assault by a man against the wishes and will of a woman. It is especially traumatic for women.
Many women develop a fear of men and a persistent aversion to sexual relations. For some, this continues throughout their lives. Due to heightened feelings of humiliation and low self-esteem, sexual violence pushes some women into prostitution. Before you give up on your life, you need to look for a way out of the difficult life situation by turning to psychologists for help.

This is not the first time I have seen with sadness and concern the online public's reaction to news of rape. People's comments appearing online are most often full of contempt and accusations. No, not a rapist. Blame the victim. To my horror, this attitude is also found among some professional psychologists and other professionals who work with rape survivors.

Therefore, I believe it is important to spread awareness about what rape actually is, what motivates the rapist, and what happens to the survivor. For this purpose, with the participation of psychologist Yulia Kontsova, I wrote this article. In it, I used Julia’s materials on crisis psychology for working with victims of sexual violence, as well as some Internet resources, links to which are included inside the article. I also have it ready, and I will publish it a little later.

And, before proceeding directly to the content, I will share that I wrote this article for a long time, and it was very difficult for me. Sexual violence is a gender issue (at least 90% of victims of sexual violence are women, and 97% of sexual violence against women is committed by men ()), which means that in one way or another it affects all women, simply based on their gender. female. Collecting material, remembering and reading stories, systematizing and formulating, I archetypally came into contact with all women, with their pain and fear. Writing alongside this was not easy. I suspect it won't be an easy read either, so please be gentle with yourself while reading and after! And if you are a man and are reading this article, you run the risk of coming into contact with the archetype of the male aggressor, and you may want to defend yourself against accusations against men through denial and devaluation of women’s experience in general and what I have written in particular. It won't necessarily be this way, but I think it's important to warn both women and men about this possibility, as it affects what you see in the text.

First, let's define what sexual violence is. This is violent behavior where one person forces another to engage in some kind of sexual activity against their will. Sexual violence can be divided into two types: without physical contact and involving physical contact.

In sexual assault without physical contact, the aggressor's goal is to hurt the person's feelings, shock and frighten him. This is achieved through:

1. Verbal insults affecting the sexual sphere, in direct communication, or when communicating by phone and via the Internet. The woman feels that violence is being committed against her personality;
2. Voyeurism (peeping). The woman experiences humiliation and shame;
3. Exhibitionism (display of the naked body or its parts). The woman’s feelings are shame, fear.

The motives for sexual violence involving physical contact may include aggression, the desire to subjugate a woman to one’s will, and sexual attraction. This violence includes:

1. Molestation, forced petting, forced touching of the aggressor, or he himself forcibly touches the victim. The aggressor can use his authority and official position;
2. Rape - forced sexual intercourse, can be not only vaginal, but also oral, anal. Further in the article we will talk about this type of sexual violence.

Some men try to prove that rape is “just sex,” that it is natural, that since people do “this” in principle, then there can be no violence in this area. This is fundamentally wrong. Let's look at the differences.

Sex is a process in which two people participate equally, and each is an active principle and source of their actions. At the same time, both give informed consent to sex, and are free to change their minds at any time (wonderful material about this is 7 examples that have nothing to do with sex, but perfectly illustrate the idea of ​​consent).

Rape is not sex, it is violence, the same as any other - physical, psychological, economic, etc., only the area of ​​​​application of this violence is sexual relations. With violence, only one person is active, who forcibly does something OVER the other, and not TOGETHER WITH the other, as during sex. Those. he does not see the same person in the other, does not enter into equal relationships of mutual exchange, where there is a risk of rejection and it is necessary to take into account the opinion and desires of the other party. Here you can quote the words of the British comedian John Oliver, which I came across on the Internet:

“Sex is like boxing. If one of the participants did not agree to participate, then this is a crime."

Based on the behavior of rapists, they can be divided into several types:

1. Attacks without a prior plan, is impulsive, aggressive, inflicts physical harm, possibly commits multiple sexual acts. This behavior of the aggressor is in the nature of revenge for something that he experienced earlier, for example, he himself could be a victim of some type of violence;
2. Wants to subjugate a woman, tries to achieve what he cannot achieve with normal communication. For the aggressor, what happened is part of the relationship; he may believe that later the victim will be his woman, they will date. He is not bloodthirsty and can be deceived, talked into, promised a meeting and thereby avoided rape;
3. The most serious type of rapist is the sadist. Takes pleasure in inflicting pain in perverted ways, often killing the victim after rape.

The rapist is driven by the desire to feel undivided power and control over the victim, his own invulnerability and greatness. He gets pleasure not so much from sex as from the submission and powerlessness of another person, from expressing his own anger, from using a woman as a thing. Satisfaction in this case is temporary, which means that most likely the rapist will look for a new victim after some time. Judging by the statistics of the Sisters center, which helps women who have survived rape, only 12% of victims go to the police, and only 5% go to court. This means that 95% of rapists were not properly punished and they continue to walk among us, and they will probably want to repeat this experience.

Rape is experienced by a woman as an act of violence and humiliation of her own self, as well as a threat to health and life. A woman can resist and scream until she feels real danger for your life. Then she falls into shock, paralyzed with fear and helplessness, passive, may lose consciousness and completely submit to the will of the rapist. She can't do anything. Sometimes victims of women describe that at the moment of rape they seemed to be watching what was happening from the sidelines.

Rape is a real trauma for the psyche. One in three rape victims (31%) develops post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a serious mental disorder that can last a lifetime (you can learn more about the consequences of rape, and here is the story of how a girl dealt with PTSD after rape) .

The main feelings of a rape victim are powerlessness, helplessness, and guilt. These feelings are the most traumatic aspects of abuse. Rape destroys the usual picture safe world and affects a woman’s perception of herself. She loses self-confidence and begins to live with a constant feeling of danger. The world and people around her seem unpredictable, unreliable, and threatening. Rape shows a woman that she has no control over the events of her life. In order to somehow live on, she needs to rebuild her picture of the world and regain a sense of control. But this cannot be done without explaining the violence that occurred, without answering the existential questions “why?” and “why me?”

And here a kind of “help” comes from a feeling of guilt, which is very common among those who have experienced sexual violence. It’s easier for a woman to think that she did something wrong (or, conversely, didn’t do what was needed) and is to blame for what happened, than to accept the fact that a man, simply on his own whim, against her wishes, took advantage of her and her body at risk to her life. This is scary to think about because it means that this could happen again, and the woman has no control over it. By taking the blame for what happened on herself, the woman seems to be reassuming control over her life. After all, the one who is to blame is the one responsible, and the one who is responsible is the one who controls what is happening. And since it controls, it means it can somehow prevent trouble. In addition, the rapist rarely does his job in silence. Often he says something about the victim, what he noticed in her (for example, he says that she is beautiful) and why he rapes her (“it’s your own fault, rubbish”, “asked for it”, “you wanted this”, “The bitch doesn’t want it, the dog won’t jump up”, etc.) Thus, he seems to be programming the woman to feel guilty, so that it would be easier for her to explain to herself what she is guilty of.

Experiencing feelings of guilt brings short-term relief to a woman - the reins of power are again in her hands, the world is dangerous, but I “know” what to do or not do so that this does not happen again, which means I can move on with my life (more about how guilt works -) . But what's on initial stage“helped” a woman regain a sense of at least some control, then becomes one of the most serious psychological obstacles to her recovery from violence. For regaining control through guilt, a woman pays with loss of self-confidence, an overwhelming sense of shame, the feeling that she is “dirty,” bad, unworthy, etc.

But this is not so! The woman did everything in her power at that moment to protect herself, and the real, irrefutable proof of this is that she remained alive! She behaved as correctly as possible in a life-threatening situation! And the woman is in no way to blame for rape. No matter how she behaves, no matter what she dresses, no matter what she talks about, no matter how much she drinks, no matter where and when she goes, or how long she has known a man, etc. etc. – none of this gives the right to rape her and is not an excuse or a “provoking factor” for the criminal! A woman who looks bright, walks down the street, makes acquaintances, communicates, goes home or already lives with a man - wants anything: tenderness, attention, touches, love, passion, sex, but not to be raped! (interesting note about this on link) She has a different goal - to be with a man, and not to be used by a man.

If a woman agrees to sex, but at some point changes her mind and says “stop,” the man must stop (which is absolutely true in reverse side, if a man says “stop”). And if a woman is in a state where she cannot say “stop” (and even more so when she cannot say anything at all), then the man should not take any actions of a sexual nature, since he has not received informed consent from her (video analysis about consent in sex –). If a man chooses to start/continue sex after a woman chooses not to start/stop it, that’s his conscious choice commit violence. The woman has nothing to do with this choice. The violence committed does not characterize her as “bad” or “damaged.” It characterizes a man as a person who uses violence and has committed a crime.

Only a man decides whether he will rape a woman or not, and only he is responsible for his action. An article entitled "Rape Myths" states that "research shows that most rapes are planned in advance”, and in this article with the same title - that “rapists are more likely to choose a victim who seems more accessible to them than women who dress a certain way or have a certain mannerisms or appearance.” Thus, the answers to a woman’s questions “why me?” and “for what?” in reality is the following: this has nothing to do with the woman herself and her behavior. She hadn't done anything bad enough to deserve to be raped, to provoke it! That's not the reason. The reason for what happened was the malicious intent of the aggressor, which was impossible to foresee. We are all given freedom of choice, and unfortunately, some people choose to commit crimes.

It is worth noting here that now this type of thinking is common among many: “I myself attract all the events of my life, without my desire nothing happens. If something happened that I didn’t like, it means I just didn’t know that I wanted it/this is a lesson from God/I need this for some reason.” The advantage of this worldview is that as long as a woman is doing well, it protects her from awareness of the dangers of the world around her, unforeseen problems, crises, etc. After all, if I don’t need this, then nothing bad will happen in life, and I can live in peace, "I'm in the house." Nice bonus– you don’t have to waste your energy on sympathizing with those who are in trouble, because “they themselves wanted it.” But if something bad happens to a woman with such views, including rape, then she will definitely fall into the trap of guilt, which I spoke about above - “I myself attracted this into my life,” “I somehow deserved this.” , “I need this experience, but why do I feel so bad?” etc. Perhaps for such a woman it will be healing in the process of working through the trauma to change her view of what is happening and admit that she is not omnipotent, and that there is something that is stronger than her - life and death, the freedom of choice of other people, natural crises of development and etc. Each of us can influence something, and it is important to use this, but it is worth seeing the limits of our capabilities and not taking on the burden of unnecessary responsibility. In this regard, I am reminded of the “Serenity Prayer” often used in self-help group meetings:

“God, give me reason and peace of mind to accept what I cannot change,

Courage to change what I can

And wisdom is to distinguish one from the other."

As for me, I don’t think that anyone sits “up there” and deliberately sends troubles upon us in order to teach us a lesson, punish us, or make us understand something. In my opinion, bad things happen because a) everyone has freedom of choice, and b) there is good and evil in the world. These are the laws of life on Earth at the moment. What warms my soul is my belief that no matter what bad happens, the one “at the top” is on my side. And if some monstrous things happen in my life, I believe that God is next to me at this moment, and he is also crying for me... I believe that with His help I am able to survive, survive this and, over time, turn bad into something worthwhile. I accepted this idea from psychotherapist Marilyn Murray, and she supported me more than once difficult periods life. Marilyn survived sexual abuse as a child, and I think that her book “Prisoner of Another War,” which describes the experience of healing from this trauma, can be useful to all women who, in one way or another, have encountered the topic of violence in their lives.

There are a lot of myths in society about sexual violence, victims and perpetrators that allow people to maintain a sense of safety and comfort despite what is happening under their noses. I will discuss them in detail in another article, but here I want to dwell on one important point.

Based on stereotypes, it seems to us that sexual violence is something rare and far from everyday life women, that it is night, dark alleys and strangers - embittered criminals. I don’t argue, this also happens. But while we believe in these stereotypes, we studiously ignore the truth - that sexual violence is very close. By doing so, we do not give a voice to affected women, forcing them to remain alone with the trauma they have experienced.

Meanwhile, the statistics are as follows: 35% of women in the world experience either violence from an intimate partner or sexual violence from another person throughout their lives. In 70% of cases, the woman knew the person who raped her, and in 35%, she had some kind of relationship with this person.

In the process of preparing this material, I began to recall cases of rape that I personally know about. My statistics confirm the world ones. I know of four cases of rape among my close friends (this is exactly half the number of women who different times were my close friends). Moreover, only in one situation was the rapist actually a stranger who was lying in wait for the girl in the gateway. The remaining aggressors were: common law husband mother (i.e. it was incest), a friend of a friend, a specialist in the “helping” profession. In addition, I know of two real cases when someone close to you gave a woman to rapists “for debts.” In the first case it was the mother, in the second it was the husband.

From the outside, it seems to some people that if the victim knew the rapist before, and even more so if she had some kind of relationship with him, then this is not rape at all. Well, or rape, but that’s the “light option”, and there’s nothing special to worry about. In fact, for the victim, acquaintance and/or relationship with the aggressor not only does not make the situation easier, but even makes the violence more traumatic. The woman thought she was in a safe environment and trusted the man. But he raped her, thereby breaking her trust. This is experienced very hard, and then it is difficult for a woman to trust both herself and other people again. In addition, those around in this case tend to show the victim less sympathy and blame her more strongly than in the case of a “stranger rapist on the street at night,” thereby depriving the woman of life. important support. What can we say about those who were raped? own husbands? Most people do not consider this kind of violence at all, as if with marriage a woman ceases to be a person with the right to personal safety, and her body comes under the undivided power of a man...

No matter how scary it is to realize the global problem of sexual violence against women, in my opinion, it is necessary for the matter to finally move forward. When the topic of sexual violence ceases to be taboo, then in people's minds rape will no longer be “sex”, but will become what it really is - a crime. Then every affected woman will be able to speak openly about her experience and will be met with sympathy and understanding. And the condemning eyes of society will shift from victims of rape to its perpetrators, and it will be with men that necessary work to prevent sexual violence, rather than women being told to “wear a longer skirt” and “smile less provocatively.”

Rape is not a death sentence, you can survive it and recover for a full life!

I thank you for reading this article to the end. I know that it was not at all easy, and I really hope that this information will help you and your loved ones.

(c) Evgenia Zadrutskaya, project “Listen to the Soul” - website

P.S. Leaving your personal data when sending a comment under an article or automatically means that you accept the site and confirm that you have read and agree with this site.

War rape is not always simply an individual act of aggression by one or many men against an individual woman. Why do soldiers rape “enemy women” everywhere? To blame everything on “biology” and “an animal lust for sex and violence” is to simplify the picture and turn a blind eye to the political economy of war rape. It's political and social phenomenon, and mass rape is recognized as one of the tools of warfare.

Women are especially vulnerable during wars. People have only recently begun to talk openly about mass rape during World War II. A 2016 UN report compiled information on military-related sexual violence in Afghanistan, the Central African Republic, Colombia, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Iraq, Libya, Mali, South Sudan, Syria, Yemen and other countries. This issue is also relevant for women who are subject to violence in the war-torn regions of Ukraine.

Sexual violence in the eastern regions of Ukraine is not used for strategic or tactical purposes, according to a report by the Office of the UN High Commissioner for Human Rights. These practices were used as a means of torture and ill-treatment for the purpose of punishment, humiliation or forced confession. In addition, sexual violence is used to force people deprived of their liberty to cede property rights or comply with other demands of their perpetrators in exchange for safety or release.

Sexual violence as a means of torture occurs against both women and men.

In most documented cases, sexual violence took the form of beatings, electric shocks to the genitals, rape and threats of rape, and forced nudity. Some of the cases, if linked to armed conflict, could constitute war crimes, the report says.

What is “military culture” and how does it relate to the legitimation of mass rape? What happens to the surviving women and what effects does mass rape have on a community?

Military culture and “enemy women”

Duke Law School international humanitarian law expert Madeleine Morris, in a study of rape during war, came to the conclusion that the very specifics of military training create the preconditions for encouraging violence against women.

The set of characteristics of Morris's military training is called military culture. The key properties of military culture that make violence the norm are deindividuation, hypermasculinity, and specific attitudes towards sexuality and women.

Deindividuation Morris explains it as depriving a person of individuality. Deindividualized soldiers believe in the existence of community, unite in solidarity to the point of being ready to give their lives for each other, and cease to doubt what and for whom they are fighting. Successful participation in an armed conflict requires well-trained people who take war seriously and are ready to fight to the last.

Deindividuation is characterized by the creation of strong ties within the group that produce high degree mutual support and solidarity. This, however, is accompanied by the possibility of the most severe actions towards others, strangers, those who are perceived as enemies of the community.

With the same passion with which soldiers are ready to defend “their women,” they can mock the “enemy’s women,” because there are no “just people,” but there are “friends” and “strangers,” and the gap between them is huge.

A high degree of solidarity and mutual support, as well as hatred of the enemy, are products of deindividuation that make a huge contribution to the legitimation of mass rape during armed conflicts.

Hypermasculinity- this is what creates a “real man in war.” It is around masculinity that a common identity for all group members is built. Morris emphasizes: “The soldier’s world is characterized by stereotypical masculinity. His language is profanity, he professes direct and raw sexuality, his masculinity is his weapon, a means of measuring competence, ability to fight and self-confidence.

In military culture, sex is understood as a man's exploitation of a woman, aggression and dominance. A woman in the discourse of hypermasculinity is the focus of qualities that are considered a manifestation of weakness and second-classness, which means that women are perceived as flawed and inferior people.

In a situation where masculinity is constructed as non-femininity (one of the most powerful insults for a man is “acting like a woman,” etc.), women personify those others, through domination over whom a man/soldier asserts his masculinity.

In war, raping “subhuman women,” and even those belonging to the enemy, turns out to be not only acceptable, but also a mandatory practice. The same men who love their wives and daughters and are exemplary family men and citizens in peacetime and in war are capable of the most cruel acts against “enemy women.”

The Political Economy of War Rape

What are the socioeconomic consequences of rape of women in war zones?

In a number traditional societies Where patriarchal principles are strong, a raped woman is expelled from the community due to the “shame” she has experienced. A woman is deprived of access to land and material resources, because the main owners are her father, brother, husband, son. In much of Africa, children born from rape will never be able to become part of the community, just like their mothers.

In the case of non-international armed conflict, rape is a productive economic method of warfare, it gives access to the woman's property: after the rape, the rapist remains in the house and uses everything that belonged to the family of the raped woman.

Sometimes war rapes are deliberately carried out in such a way that they are seen as much as possible. more people belonging to the same community as the woman. In such cases, rape is not so much an act on an individual woman, but on an entire community, especially men. By raping the “enemy woman,” the military symbolically rapes the entire community, demonstrating power and strength.

Combatants may use sexual violence to alienate women's reproductive labor. Rape makes it impossible for a woman to raise children in her own community due to her “taint.” Often, women are deliberately injured so that they are physically unable to become pregnant. In some communities, the only way to erase the shame of violence is by killing the raped woman.

Shoot at vaginas

In Naomi Wolf's book Vagina: new story female sexuality“One of the main points is that the importance of the vagina in a woman’s life is underestimated, and we ourselves have no idea how important this part of our body is. The fact is that through the pelvic nerve the vagina provides significant influence on processes in the brain.

The integrity and “satisfaction” of the vagina is directly related to vital energy women, the ability to rejoice, have fun, achieve goals and create.

American Jack Doe is 28 years old. The guy flatly refuses to give his real name. His life is divided into two parts - before and after. Four years ago, Jack was raped. “It was three women. You can’t imagine what kind of humiliation this is and how hard it is for me to even talk about it and remember it!” - says the young man.

One day he met his ex-girlfriend in college, Susan, with whom the young man had a short affair during his student years. The girl seemed pleased to meet her and invited Jack to her house for a drink. He agreed. A couple of hours later, two of Susan's friends joined them. The friendly drinking session eventually moved from the living room to the bedroom, where the girls began to flirt with the young man. “I was completely drunk and didn’t immediately understand how it happened,” Jack recalls. “They fooled around and tied me by the arms and legs to the bed. And then the nightmare began. Of course, I was a little horny by that point. But then one of them brought a rubber tourniquet from the bathroom and unexpectedly tied my genitals with it. I almost sobered up and asked to stop all this and untie me, but it was too late.” From memory young man, the girls took turns performing sexual intercourse with him, after which they poured whiskey on him, wrote obscene words on his body with a marker and began to insult and ridicule him. It turned out that all this was Susan’s revenge for the fact that the guy once broke up with her love relationship. A few hours later, the rapist untied the humiliated and exhausted Jack and pushed him out the door.
Women's sexual violence against men is not something we talk about, but it is a common occurrence. For example, in the UK, an anonymous survey was recently conducted among 2,000 men, and 70 of them admitted that they had forced sex. According to the Center mental health at the University of Austin, one in ten men in the United States is sexually assaulted by a woman in his lifetime. These data forced American authorities to expand the concept of “rape” - now sexual violence against a man is also considered a crime. “For the first time, the new definition applies to both sexes and does not apply only to women who are raped by men,” emphasizes Justice Department Director Susan Carbone.

They're everywhere
In the capital of Zimbabwe, Harare, there is now a loud trial. Three women are accused of targeting men across the country by forcing their victims to have intercourse. Seventeen such episodes have been officially recorded. “In reality there are many more victims than those who filed a report,” says Zimbabwe police spokesman Wayne Bvudziena. “Not everyone is ready to talk about the humiliation they suffered.” The local police called the criminals “sperm hunters” - they used the seminal fluid obtained after violent acts for religious rituals, and sold some abroad. “Hunters” operated on roads in different regions of the country - they offered to give young men a ride, after which, threatening them with a pistol, a knife, and even poisonous snakes, they pumped the victims with aphrodisiacs and forced them to have intercourse in turn. Women kept used condoms for themselves, and young people were thrown out in the middle of the road in deserted places. However, even if the court finds the rapists guilty, maximum term The sentence they face is three years. Like most countries, Zimbabwe's criminal code does not include the crime of rape of a man by a woman. Zimbabwean men are panicking. “If I need to go somewhere, I'll take the bus so there will be other people around,” says 35-year-old Harare resident Robert Witness. - You need to be careful. Women rape men, it really happens.”

This is how it happens. Not long ago, a study on female rape was published in France. It describes many similar cases. One of the stories is about a 27-year-old truck driver who met a woman and decided to spend the night with her at a motel. Waking up in the morning, he found his mouth gagged, his eyes blindfolded, and his hands tied to the bed. Four women, threatening to castrate him if he was not active enough, forced the man to have sexual intercourse with them. The torment continued for more than a day, during which he was repeatedly forced to copulate. In another case, a woman tied up a 23-year-old man and then threatened him with a scalpel and forced him to have sexual intercourse.

Life in half
According to American sexologists and psychotherapists, men who have experienced violence from women find themselves in a psychological trap and cease to feel like men. They almost never seek official help and possible ways hide what happened for fear of ridicule. Most of them have their sexual and family life.

So Jack Doe, who survived the violence and humiliation, did not go to the police, because he decided that they would simply ridicule him and not believe what had happened. Only a few weeks later he went to the doctors, and a year later he realized that without the help of a psychotherapist he was unlikely to be able to live normally, even if he moved to another state. " For a long time I couldn’t communicate with women at all,” he sighs. “In the hospital, if a woman was going to give me an injection, I would have a panic attack and feel sick. To be honest, I still get tense inside when I have to deal with girls. I don’t have a girlfriend or wife, and I’m not sure that anything will change soon.” The young man finds support and consolation by communicating with fellow victims like him on the website malesurvivor.org. Of the hundreds of users, only a few dared to contact the police, but their offenders were never found.

There is no data on rape of men by women in Ukraine. Abroad, victims of such violence, as a rule, turn, if not to the police, then to psychotherapists. According to Kyiv psychologist Alevtina Shevchenko, this topic in Ukraine is an information black hole. “If there are Ukrainians who have suffered from female sexual violence, they clearly suffer in silence,” the specialist believes. “In our country, women are ‘traditionally’ subjected to sexual violence; men don’t even have a phobia of being raped by a woman.”
Neither she nor her Ukrainian psychotherapist colleagues had heard of any such a case. But can Ukraine really be an absolute exception to the global trend?

Fear and Loathing

Men's reaction to rape is specific. Most common male behavior after violence

• feels ashamed and stops feeling like a man
• reacts inappropriately to the female gender - may experience nausea in the presence of a woman, panic attacks, faint
• starts using alcohol or drugs
• becomes aggressive, may get into a fight
• With stranger
• avoids relationships, gets divorced or breaks off previous ones love affairs
• experiencing difficulties in sexual relationships

The most common female reactions to rape

• experiences a variety of fears: afraid of a repetition of the situation, sounds and smells, places associated with the violence committed
• feels guilty
• has difficulty concentrating
• may try to commit suicide
• loses interest in sex
• falls into a prolonged depression

According to the University of Austin Center for Mental Health, website