Male infidelity

Let's not talk about lipstick on a shirt, an accidentally lost toilet part in the back seat of a car, or long hair in your bedroom. Be that as it may, it happened. The husband, boyfriend, in a word, loved one, went to the left and you found out about it. How you became aware of this is secondary.

The first reaction is shock, horror and misunderstanding of what is happening. Questions arise in my head one after another: “Why?!”, “How?!”, “For what?!” and “What did I do wrong?!” Mental pain and resentment, hostility and the desire to kill a man, and at the same time oneself, the emergence of an inferiority complex and everything connected with it. An unpleasant discovery is always followed by a storm of emotions.

Life did not end, despite the persistent feeling that the end of the world had come at that very moment. The first thing you need to do is put aside the frying pan, the ax and three packs of sleeping pills. Firstly, the betrayal has already happened, and secondly, in a more or less calm state there is a chance to understand at least yourself, not to mention your husband.

In order to calm down, you can resort to different methods: meet with a close friend (if, of course, she was not an accomplice), go and spend all the money on new clothes, change your image, sign up for yoga, break dishes, relieve stress in a nightclub , in the end. Everyone has their own methods, but the main thing is to be prepared for a very difficult and unpleasant conversation, which will be the second step.

Your partner may be in two states after cheating: either he will consider himself absolutely right and blame you for pushing him to cheat, or he will understand that he has done something irreparable and his conscience will torment him. Depending on the situation, you need to choose tactics when talking. And first agree with yourself - what do you want to get as a result? Save the relationship, understand and forgive, or throw all his things out the window and never see him again, go and look into the eyes of the insidious temptress? Decide in advance! It is possible that after the dialogue your position will change, but you must go to work with constructively prepared theses. But first, try to calmly understand the situation and analyze the reasons for the betrayal.

If you are to blame

Lately, your husband has regularly hinted to you that it would be a good idea to exchange the cotton robe and pantaloons for red lace lingerie, go to the salon and at least on holidays wear stiletto heels and dresses with a cut-out, but you were sure that your husband “loves it that way” , continuing to fit into jeans and a shapeless robe.

Lately, you have been constantly having a headache, the right little toe of your left foot, you were tired at work, and washing pots and ironing duvet covers took up all your free time, so sex was postponed until “distant later”; you yourself had already forgotten what it was.

In response to your loved one’s innocent request to “diversify your life a little” with the help of scented candles or some products from an adult store, you turned on “grandmother” and continued to insist on the missionary position in the dark. And in your opinion, you can only fantasize while cooking borscht.

Hence the result - the man’s patience ran out, and he went to get what he could not get from you in another place.

If he's to blame

It's no secret that many men are, to put it mildly, polygamous by nature. Therefore, for them, sex on the side is not a disaster. This is equivalent to any other vacation - sitting with friends in a bar, watching football, driving around the city at night, etc. That is, betrayal for him is not a personal insult, but simply a physiological action that has nothing to do with feelings for you.

A corporate party or any other drinking party, after which a man suddenly finds himself in the arms (or even in bed) of a charming woman. It seemed like I didn’t want to, but something went wrong.

Sometimes a man who has a permanent woman, wife or lover, can fall in love. Not in you, and not because you are worse. It just happened somehow, by accident. Chemistry.

Options for the development of the event

Forgive

Many women, after their experiences and painful thoughts, “swallow” the insult and forgive the unfaithful man, hoping that “just once and it won’t happen again.” They forgive because there are children, a shared living space, there is no particular choice, and it’s simply scary to break off a relationship that has existed for a relatively long time. It also happens that betrayal really only happens once. But more often the opposite happens - if a man has already crossed this line of permissibility once (for any of the above reasons), then it will be much easier for him to do the same thing a second time: they will still forgive him.

Understand

The reasons for betrayal vary, and some things are indeed understandable. If the betrayal happened “by accident”, and the sincerity of the apology and wallowing in prayers for mercy are very plausible, then it makes sense to try to forget about this unpleasant incident forever and continue to live. True, there is no guarantee that during quarrels you will not remind a man of his mistake again and again.

Pack your things

After the dialogue, you realized that you have nothing more to do here - his love has passed or you cannot come to terms with what happened. Perhaps your departure will be temporary, giving you the opportunity to think things through and make a different decision. Or maybe it will be the only right step, and you will immediately plunge into a new life, feel freedom and come to the conclusion that you have long wanted to do this, but something stopped you.

Collect his things

And throw it out the window. Or pack your suitcase and throw it out the door. Thanks everyone, everyone is free. Of course, this is not so easy to do, because it hurts, it’s offensive and you really want to return everything back, rewind the tape of life. But if the decision to break up with a man has been made forever, follow through and let all the things that evoke in you any memories of a happy life together leave your life with him (donated jewelry, mobile phone, laptop, cat, etc.) leave the old refrigerator).

Stay friends

It is a rare case when a man and a woman can understand betrayal in the same way or not attach any importance to it at all. That is, perceive the fact itself as something insignificant, drink beer together, discuss the details and... just remain friends. At the same time, you can continue to live together, communicate and maintain relationships in every possible way. Until you get tired of it.

Although, of course, the only thing that will really help you cope with betrayal, forgive and survive it is time. In the meantime, you are sad and yearning - try not to focus on this, leave the betrayal in the past, in your “yesterday”, find new interests, reconsider your life, try to regain self-confidence and not blame yourself for what happened.

And find yourself a new loved one who will adore and take care of you. Know that he will definitely appear. This is the law of nature - someone new always comes to the vacant place!

In the article you will learn:

Hello readers.

No one can predict when a hand on your hip could lead to a knife in your back. ©

So how can you avoid these knives? You can be beautiful, wonderful and perfect, but this does not guarantee you absolutely anything! Each of us runs the risk of encountering deceit and the treachery of a loved one. What is betrayal in a relationship? – the topic of today’s article.

Is this worse than the enemy?

People often betray, for various reasons, they cause pain and suffer themselves. This topic will never lose its relevance. Because the life of a person who has been betrayed sometimes changes very dramatically and irreversibly. For some for the worse, and for others for the better. Yes, this happens too!

What is betrayal? This is what they call a violation of fidelity to someone or something. One of the main human sins. It is not for nothing that it is harshly condemned by society and opposed to honesty and fidelity. Without the latter, chaos and complete confusion would ensue in society.

Judge for yourself. Once we are betrayed, we become suspicious and understand that You can't trust blindly. What will happen if betrayal is the norm? I'll probably run away to another planet.

How do we betray?

Betrayal comes in different forms and on different scales. You can give something:

• your own business, project
• your ideals, beliefs, values
• Motherland, country

And you can betray someone:

• clients, buyers
• acquaintances and friends
• close people

To betray is means to betray trust, to cheat, to “set up”, to fail to fulfill one’s obligations, to break an agreement and thereby cause harm to oneself or another. These are all different types of betrayal with one meaning - to believe oneself or let another believe in one thing, and then do something contrary to this belief.

For example, cheating a customer in a store, not repaying a debt, or delivering a low-quality product. Or, under pressure from society, to change your views developed by your own experience - this is also a treasonous act. Because in this way you are deceiving yourself by ignoring the truth.

They turn away - it means they didn’t love you

But the most painful suffering is caused by the treacherous behavior of people with whom you are in close relationships. Money and material wealth are again earned, acquired, accumulated, they are available through various means and methods.

However, it is very difficult and sometimes impossible to return feelings and experiences with a specific person. After all, you become attached to a person, grow with your heart, soul and body. And breaking this connection is sometimes comparable to a small death.

I suggest, friends, to be more sensitive and attentive to those who love us. Betrayal happens unconscious, for various reasons. When we have no intention of offending by betraying. And we ourselves have been tormented for a long time by remorse and guilt. Therefore, do not make the mistakes of those who are still bitterly paying for them. So what is betrayal? between a man and a woman:

1. Lie. Even if you lie to your partner so that he won't be offended, the lie will often be discovered. And then, instead of saving the relationship, you destroy it even more. In addition, the habit of innocently keeping silent, understating, lying, exaggerating for the sake of convenience leads over time to larger deceptions. Therefore, it is better to stop this immediately.
2. Emotional indifference. Every person needs support and warm words. By not giving this to a loved one in difficult times, we thus betray his faith in us. If, due to your character, you are cold and have little emotionality, then it is enough to at least support with words, he will appreciate it.
3. Disrespectful attitude. By doubting our partner’s worth and qualities, and even more so by insulting and being rude, we belittle him and reduce his value. But every person expects equality in relationships. Unless you are paired with someone with self-esteem issues.
4. Ignoring your partner's needs. This is a kind of selfishness that undermines all the good things between you. Of course, it is impossible to completely coincide in interests. That is why it is important to take into account that the needs of a man and a woman are different, they require satisfaction. Otherwise, it’s not far from mutual insults.
5. Broken promises. A promise is a contract. Failure to fulfill it means breaking agreements and breaking a person’s faith in what was promised. Therefore, you should not say anything that is against your will. This won't make anyone feel any better. Everything you agree on must be voluntary and conscious. You should not first give in and then betray. Find a solution that suits both of you. Maybe not entirely, but almost completely.

Betrayal is like a mental burn

One of the most insidious and cruel treacherous acts. Since betrayal occurs at the moment when you promised your love to another person. This is a betrayal of the very foundation of your union. It can be physical or mental.

And most often, when people cheat, they do it without the intention of offending a loved one. For men this is often a common release, but a woman is psychologically structured differently and for her this is the collapse of everything. In this case, both sides suffer severely from the consequences and it takes a lot of effort and time to restore lost trust.

However, there are also more sophisticated forms that are more severely traumatic. For example, if you cheated on someone you don’t like, but maintain the relationship. And also when betrayal is an attempt at self-affirmation. A child who did not receive his mother’s love in childhood grows up and takes revenge on other women for the pain of his childhood, affirming his Ego.

In this case, there is no empathy for the pain of another. You will suffer - but they will not sympathize with you, your emotions will not be understood. And this torment can only be stopped in one way - by completely breaking the connection.

Nothing makes you grow up like betrayal

You know what's interesting? Until we experience in our own skin how painful and unpleasant it is when you are betrayed, we ourselves will not learn to preserve trust in each other. Perhaps some misfortunes must happen to us in order for us to learn and strive for good.

And sometimes it happens that misfortune subsequently leads us to great radiant happiness, which pleases us for many years! Therefore, do not rush to despair, keep your nose to the wind and believe, do not betray yourself!

June was with you. I love you, kiss you.

I always thought that the word “betrayal” is used in everyday life only by pretentious fools. Okay, when there is a war and the interests of the Motherland are involved, but in times of peace, why throw serious accusations? The girl did not support in the argument - she betrayed, the friend blurted out too much - a traitor. Isn't your attitude towards your own person too reverent?

But gradually, listening and reading countless stories of breakups, I realized that some people have the right to a high style, and most often women are betrayed by men, and not vice versa. The same ones who love to talk so much and beautifully about honesty and friendship.

At the same time, I am quite lenient in my assessments. In a hypothetical situation where the wife suddenly fell ill and, say, became paralyzed, I can understand the husband who decided to divorce. Often couples are created not out of great love, but because of mutual comfort. He agreed to live with a healthy woman, but was not ready to live with a disabled woman. This burden is too much for him, and it’s good that he found the strength to leave and not poison her life with petty tyranny. If you finally take care of your financial needs, well done.

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But too often men run away not in such fatal situations, but simply in moments of minor passing difficulties. They are small, but only against the backdrop of death and global catastrophe. And on the scale of private life, it’s a very serious problem: job loss, moving, depression, conflict with family. At this time, a woman feels hard and bad, she withdraws into herself, complains or becomes irritable. Conscious people have the intelligence to talk about this: I’m sorry, I’m going through a difficult period, I may be unbearable now, but I’ll get through it over time, please be patient. Some people add “help,” but more often they just ask you to wait and not aggravate the problem.

Do you think this works? Even if you don’t require active intervention, if you just need not to interfere and stay nearby - alas. Husbands will probably put up with it, but if you are not married, but just close, expect problems.

It would seem that you don’t even live together, he won’t be particularly affected by your financial difficulties, in the event of unpleasant, pressing communication, he can always go home and wait out the storm. But men often tend to run away, losing their slippers, at the first sign of anxiety.

It turns out that they can’t handle not only your wheelchair, but also just stress. The first commandment of a pick-up artist is not to get involved with a girl whose problems are bigger than yours. Despite all the cynicism, it is reasonable in terms of saving resources; you cannot save all the unfortunate people at the expense of your own life, and there is no need to.

But if you are already together; if her troubles are temporary; if she only needed months to cope, why not? Why does the instinct that drives a deer out of a burning forest suddenly kick in over trifles?

Perhaps there was a very weak person next to you. You'll never know how strong someone is until you press them. What is a short-term hardship for you looks like a disaster to him, and he is afraid of the consequences. Who knows how much effort this will require from him? What if you go completely broke, get sick, or go crazy from grief? Then he will have to leave you in trouble and remain a scoundrel. So it's better to run now, before things get so bad.

Maybe he's just nervous. Men often come to women for peace, especially those who are married or anxious. They rest their souls, relax, hide from their own fears. And then a storm begins in his quiet harbor, his girlfriend is “phony” and does not provide comfort. Is his hysterical wife and problems at work not enough for him? Fuck it.

And the most offensive reason is that he is already fed up with you. But it was a pity to break off the old connection without a reason, but now one careless word and you can slam the door.

Be that as it may, after a couple of such stories, which happened to almost everyone, it begins to seem as if every man regularly conducts endurance scans, and as soon as he notices that a woman is giving up, he runs away. It's like you're an old house that needs to be checked for hidden cracks, otherwise it will collapse and bury everyone.

If you notice some types of betrayal in your relationship, this does not mean that you need to run away from your partner as fast as you can. Strong relationships are characterized by the fact that their participants are able to overcome manifestations of betrayal and restore trust. Those who, instead of understanding, seek conflict, punishment and moral advantage (winner takes all) will most likely have to break up.

Physical betrayal is far from the only reason that undermines trust and brings relationships to naught. Humiliation - physical or emotional - already allows us to say that the relationship did not work out. Any form of betrayal, even if unrecognized by the victim, can be dangerous to a relationship. Deception, reluctance to talk openly about true needs, and a strong desire for emotional intimacy can ruin a relationship.

1. Contingent liability

“I’m with you until... I meet someone better; I won’t find a good job; you don't want to get married; children will not appear; for now I can live with you...” If he categorically does not need children, and she imagines a family with only kids, you cannot hope that he will change. If a guy wants to travel and a girl wants to grow carrots in the garden, they are unlikely to be able to spend much time together. To avoid a conditional, superficial relationship, partners or spouses must be honest with the other about their personal priorities, life goals, and intentions.

2. Platonic relationships

3. Lies

Lying ruins relationships. Omissions destroy relationships. Secrets destroy relationships. Even if a lie is aimed at preserving a relationship, it will still destroy it. Because sooner or later everything will be revealed and you will have to get out and lie even more. There are chronic liars - they were disliked or punished as children and, as adults, they instinctively embellish reality. Such people need to learn to tell the truth in order to create trusting relationships.

4. Coalition against partner

Anyone who does not know how to come to an agreement with a partner seeks support from girlfriends, friends, sisters, brothers, and parents. No one is surprised by a mother and wife turning against her husband, or a husband and mother-in-law harassing his daughter-in-law, or a husband forced to choose the side of his wife or his mother. Anyone who is attacked collectively finds himself in an emotional vacuum. He has no one to trust with his thoughts and considerations, because everything said will become the property of his opponents. The other, supposedly winning side, loses the habit of conducting a normal dialogue and constantly runs to their relatives for support.

5. Emotional coldness

A truly close relationship means that you support or protect each other in times of challenge and stress. The illness of a child, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job - there are many cases when a person needs the care and support of a loved one. Some people are not able to express warm feelings at all, sometimes they manage to build relationships provided that both spouses keep an emotional distance. More often, men suffer from emotional coldness, and there are explanations for this. They want to “escape” because they do not know how or are not confident that they can cope with a difficult situation. Unfortunately, this does not make things any easier for women. A double burden falls on her shoulders - a difficult life situation and the emotional betrayal of a loved one. The absence of emotional manifestations has a wide range - from callousness and silence to cruelty. Every woman knows how important words about love, tenderness, and being valued are.

6. Disappearance of sexual interest

We are talking about inevitable physical changes in the body. Although after forty-five years sex life in married couples fades away on the initiative of men, women are usually blamed for this. After childbirth or with age, a woman may gain weight. She associates the decrease in sexual interest on the part of her husband with her excess weight. She fanatically takes care of herself, dyes her gray hair, fights wrinkles - anything in order to feel desirable and attractive again, to gain self-confidence. The problem is that often more important things go away with sex: the joy of communication, touching and caressing, moments of tenderness, words of love and compliments.

7. Disrespect

The basis of any betrayal is a comparison not in your favor. A disrespectful attitude, especially manifested in speech, causes an inferiority complex and resentment in one partner, and an imaginary feeling of superiority in the other. Then they change roles. She is a fat cow and a village girl, he is an idiot and a loser. It’s interesting that when a “moron and a loser” leaves the family, his value immediately increases. There are also implicit ways to point out to a person his inferiority: “You understand everything wrong...” Note, not this thought, but everything in general. “Everyone understands that what you say is complete nonsense.” Relationships based on love involve equality, not subordination. Arrogance, indifference, offensive aggression, and intellectual neglect are equally destructive for relationships.

8. Injustice

Life is full of injustice, which is why the family should become a defense against it. Injustice is when one person receives benefits or advantages at the expense of another. For example, we agreed to divide household chores in half, and then the man does not do his part. He comes home from work and lies on the sofa, clicks the remote control while his wife brings, serves, prepares, and calms down the child. The point is not that he lies while she bends with the vacuum cleaner, but the injustice. Financial issues are also a stumbling block, and raising a child, and which cinema we will go to, and whose friends we will invite, and what to cook for dinner. Small injustices accumulate and drive a person to such despair that he perceives the breakup of a relationship as liberation.

9. Selfishness

Spouses or partners often have to sacrifice their interests for the common good. This is called family loyalty or relationship loyalty. Imagine a guy going on a picnic without his girlfriend because she's sick. A husband who, after the birth of a child, maintains the same lifestyle, high expenses and spends a lot of time with friends when his wife needs help. A guy who is indignant if a girl is not in the mood to have sex, or comes to visit “as a guest”, without caring about the girl’s expenses. Love is not always measured by what you can do for your loved one. More often, cases arise when, for the sake of a loved one, you need to give up some familiar attributes - get-togethers with friends or extra expenses. You need to discuss uncomfortable situations as they arise and look for a way that suits both partners. Even if we are talking about pouring tea and offering it to someone else or sharing a chocolate bar.

10. Breaking promises

A broken promise is akin to a deliberate lie. When living together, people inevitably make promises to each other. A fulfilled promise makes a relationship stronger, but an unfulfilled one causes disappointment and mistrust. It’s unpleasant when a partner violates financial obligations, pins a loan on someone else, or hides important changes in his life, although this contradicts the promises made. Violation of promises is much more painful when it comes to some kind of addiction - alcohol, gaming, tobacco. If one partner made a promise not to drink and did not keep it, the other partner feels deceived. He wanted to believe in change, but he was betrayed.

Commitments in a relationship should not constrain or limit a person. Any obligation is a voluntary manifestation of love and care for a loved one. Disapproval is also a manifestation of love and support. Drawing your partner's attention to statements or actions that are offensive to you is a normal healthy reaction. Who, besides a loved one, will tell you that you are wrong? Who is more interested in you not making mistakes or being able to correct them? Discussing a problem is the easiest way to solve it. Refusal to negotiate can be considered a form of betrayal. Don't think about insults, think that your loved one is honest with you. To regain a trusting relationship and rediscover each other's inner world, you need to honestly discuss mistakes, adapt and be faithful to each other not only in bed.