Teenagers, due to their maximalism, tend to call everything love. But love is a mature feeling based on realistic expectations for another person. In principle, it is not typical for teenagers.

Marina Slinkova

Family psychologist, leader of trainings for teenagers and their parents

What scares parents

Falling in love is a strong, vivid feeling that can completely take over a person. Just yesterday your child could study, have some goals, hobbies. And now he locks himself in a room, endlessly talks and texts with someone, spends more time outside the house or lies on the sofa and does not react to anything...

Falling in love is a selfish feeling. The emotions that boil in a teenager are much more important to him than the object of sympathy himself. In just a month, several lovers can change - and each time it will be considered that this is serious and for a long time. Your boy or girl's mood during the period of falling in love can be compared to a roller coaster. It’s a difficult time for parents: they simply stop being heard. In addition, for the first time in your life you understand that your child can be completely happy separately from you. Or (in the case of unrequited love) absolutely unhappy, despite all your care. Not everyone can easily accept this.

All you can do for him is be there and emotionally bear his experiences without devaluing them. Well, casually, regardless of his specific passion, throw in information for thought.

Love or friendship

It happens that a child has a long-standing “paired” relationship, but he calls it “just friendship.” But it happens the other way around: all communication comes down to tracking an object on social networks or sitting at the same desk, but your teenager talks about “his girlfriend” or “his boyfriend.” Not like you, it’s hard for him to understand his own experiences. Let's approach the question purely formally. Friendship and love - what do they have in common?

Emotional Attraction. We enjoy being in the same space, seeing another, appreciating the time spent together - be it a friend or a lover.

Trust. Sharing your dreams, thoughts, plans, and counting on a response revelation is natural both with friends and with your loved one.

Respect. Friendship and love presuppose that relationships are built on mutual respect.

Support. We count on it and expect it from friends and loving people. And they themselves are ready to provide it.

How is love different from friendship? It would seem that the answer is simple - sex. In fact, there is both “sex for friendship” and chaste love - we’ll talk about this later. More in-depth, psychological plots allow you to distinguish a friend from “my girlfriend”:

General goals. Friends each share their plans, but lovers certainly build them together and include each other in them.

Time and attention. The desire to be together every free minute and give attention to each other, this can never be found even in the strongest friendship.

Positive illusions. When we fall in love, we stop perceiving our chosen one as reality; his negative qualities seem to disappear. If someone talks about the shortcomings of the chosen one, then it is unbearable for the lover to hear it.

This is important to discuss with your children.

Same with sex

If you suddenly find your teenager kissing in the entrance, you may panic: what's next? Most likely nothing.

If we are talking about teenagers 11-14 years old, then sex at this age is a rare occurrence. The first ejaculation in boys normally occurs at 12-13 years, menarche in girls - at 11-12 years. That is, purely physically, they were not previously capable of sex and were not interested in it. Which, of course, does not exclude some behavioral features.

We have already said that teenage girls are afraid of the changes taking place in their own body. But at the same time, they strive to announce these changes - this is expressed in attacks on boys, awkward, inept, sometimes frighteningly intrusive coquetry. Boys, still remaining children without signs of puberty, pester girls themselves, trying to touch them, making various jokes, or deliberately building very distant (strictly educational or emphatically friendly) relationships. At 11-12 years old, the discrepancy in communication between girls and boys reaches its maximum.

But at the age of 13-14, both begin to make efforts to build relationships with the opposite sex. In a couple, a teenager learns to communicate correctly: not only to talk about himself, but also to be interested in his partner, giving him the opportunity to talk about himself; seek balance and not overload with your life’s difficulties; talk about your feelings, and not just about events and incidents; do not attack with kisses, but smoothly move from conversation to kisses.

At the age of 14-17, adolescents already have the necessary theoretical knowledge, natural curiosity and the need to establish themselves in the role of adults. In addition, young men have a strong sexual attraction, girls have a desire to be convinced of their feminine attractiveness and strength. And the combination of these factors, even without falling in love, can prompt them to make a sexual debut. You may not approve of this. But pretending that this doesn’t exist is stupid. This is why we need to talk to teenagers about sex and contraception even before puberty.

Stages of libido

Both parents and teenagers need to understand that all of the above age stages correspond to the stages of libido formation: romantic, erotic and sexual. Each is important in its own way.

Romantic accompanied by surprisingly bright, sharp, incomparable feelings. In their fantasies, young men perform feats to attract the attention of their beloved, or even better, save her and thereby win her. In their dreams, girls picture themselves as desirable, tender, reverent, and their hero as selfless, caring and patient. All this raises attraction to the heights of True Love.

Erotic The stage of libido formation is marked by an increasing craving for physical intimacy: gentle touches, kisses, hugs. This phase in young men is quickly replaced by the need for direct sexual contact, but it is important because it teaches them to notice the partner’s sensual response to caresses. For girls, awakening a sensual response is very important: their emotions prevail over the processes of arousal, they are able to “love without sex” for quite a long time.

Sexy- the final stage in the formation of libido. If the previous stages have not been completed, then in adulthood difficulties may arise in sexual and partnerships due to the lack of self-regulation skills and experience of observing the partner’s sensory response, the combination does not occur physical intimacy with psychological.

What should parents do?

A child's first love is perhaps one of the most difficult stages in your relationship. On the one hand, you understand perfectly well that a teenager, even in a normal situation, is not inclined to listen to parental lectures, and an attempt to devalue feelings or “denigrate the image” of a lover will completely undermine your relationship. On the other hand, you want to protect from danger... What to do?

And over time, you will have to discuss whether it is possible to leave the girl (boy) overnight, whether they can go to a camp site for two days. In order to gain more freedom, a teenager must gain the trust of his parents, that is, fulfill their demands and his own promises. The expansion of freedom comes as a consequence of your trust in him - and this connection must be voiced and emphasized.

Most boys and girls experience their first love when they are older. school age. School love is a feeling and attitude towards another person that has all the components of full-fledged adult love, but differs from it.

The age at which school love arises between boys and girls is the age of puberty, as well as the formation of the image of “I”. A teenager develops a desire and need to love and be loved by a member of the opposite sex and the opportunity to realize this desire.

The first love is not like any subsequent one. But what makes it special?

Features of school love

In preschool and primary school age, children experience sympathy and affection for each other, which are characterized as friendship or friendly love. Adults, answering the question about first love, laugh it off, talking about such a first childhood crush.

Young children approximately three years old and up to the age of ten they play at love and family, imitating adults. A boy and a girl who like each other decide to start a family when they grow up and believe that their dream will come true. Their feelings are real and strong, but platonic, without passion or sexual attraction.

Children do not always show affection in a friendly manner. Boys often approach a girl they like, wanting to attract attention and at the same time hide their sympathy.

If sympathy is complemented by sexual attraction, full-fledged love arises.

First strong feeling captures the consciousness of a teenager, he cannot fully understand what is happening to him. The thought of a loved one becomes dominant and background, causing the teenager to forget about everything in the world: he abandons his studies, and isolates himself from friends and parents. This is not just a feeling, it is an emotional and sensual hurricane, supported by a hormonal surge.

How happy or unhappy you will be school love, will affect the future, the attitude towards the opposite sex and how your personal life will develop in the future.

First love can continue outside the school walls. Such love may become the only one, lasting for many years, or end very quickly, but it will never be forgotten.

School love among teenagers has features:

new and, thoughts, sensations, experiences;
excessive emotionality, which manifests itself as demonstrativeness, exaltation, incontinence, impulsiveness;
dreaminess and maximalism;
willingness to easily change for the sake of a loved one;
tendency to idealize relationships and partners;
inflated demands and expectations regarding feelings and relationships;
inexperience and lack necessary knowledge about love and sex;
shyness, timidity, modesty of one or both partners;
an opportunity to become more mature, more serious, learn to take responsibility for one’s actions, take on responsibilities and wisely use one’s rights.

Or platonic, but at the same time the lovers or one of them experience sexual attraction to their loved one. If it is impossible to satisfy sexual desire teenagers sublimate it by engaging in creativity, sports, or realizing the individual’s potential in another area.

Unhappy love can provoke mental disorders. Unhappy lovers suffer from depression, complicated by thoughts and attempts at suicide. In such severe cases, parents of a teenager are required to seek help from a psychologist or psychiatrist.

If the sympathy is mutual, the boy and girl experience euphoria and boundless happiness from love. They meet and build a relationship. In such couples, the first kiss and the first sexual contact. It’s good and right when a teenager starts to lead sex life, experiencing love.

Legally, you can have sexual intercourse with a person who has reached the age of majority. But many young boys and girls begin to be sexually active much earlier. However, not only lawyers, but also doctors and psychologists do not advise people under eighteen years of age to begin sexual activity. Psychologically and physiologically, a person must be mature enough, ready for the changes that will occur in the body and mind after losing virginity.

Despite the fact that a teenager is independent and capable of having his own children, he does not have the rights of an adult until he turns eighteen. Parents for minor children.

Sex education involves a set of measures to instill in a child a parole attitude towards gender issues. Sex education involves getting to know the physiological side of love: teenagers are taught about the structure of the genital organs of men and women, sexual intercourse, methods of contraception, and so on. Not much attention is paid to the psychological aspect of love relationships.

Many parents in best case scenario limited to conversations with growing children about sex and contraceptive methods. IN worst case– oppress and intimidate the child, not allowing him to communicate with members of the opposite sex, or do not control and are not interested in what is happening in his personal life.

Most parents don't know how to react to their child's first love. They don't understand how to help him understand what's happening to him. How to support and guide a teenager without causing a reaction of protest?

Advice for parents who want to help their child experience first love safely:

Remember your first love, your feelings and emotions. Do not transfer your fears and concerns associated with your first love onto your child’s feelings and relationships. Put yourself in his place in order to better understand and be calmer about how he behaves and what happens to him.
Remember that the child grows up, becomes a man/woman, so his feelings are natural and normal. He's already an adult independent person. It is impossible to prohibit love; a taboo on establishing personal relationships is unacceptable. Prohibitions give rise to a teenager’s protest, the desire to do what is impossible.

Those norms and values ​​that are instilled in a person by his parents in childhood are his life guidelines. It is necessary to educate a child before he grows up; in adulthood, it is difficult to re-educate a person unless he engages in self-education.

A child learns to love by looking at his parents, their relationships and culture of communication. Personal example- the best teaching method. Children adopt a behavior style and attitude towards the opposite sex by looking at a parent of the same sex.

Wise and kind parents help the child successfully survive the whole gamut bright emotions and impulses of first love.

First love is usually romanticized - it is a bright, pure feeling that remains in a person’s memory forever. True, this love can be both mutual and unrequited, both happy and full of dramatic events. What to do if your teenager falls in love?

Raging hormones, and against their background, sexual desire, strong emotions - this is what the child is experiencing now. He wants to take care of his loved one and receive attention from him. First love is actually a bright feeling, precisely because it is the first - a teenager has no sad experience broken heart, he believes that this happiness is forever. Of course, there are many examples of how a school crush eventually led to the creation of a family, but in most situations a short-term romance happens. How should parents react if their child declares that he has fallen in love?

rejoice

Firstly, if he declares, then it is already very good. This means that the teenager trusts you - otherwise he would not have told you about his most secret things. Secondly, calm down, take a bath and drink a cup of coffee. Of course, you are worried - “What about studying, and will English now be abandoned?” It is likely that with the appearance of a loved one, all interests and plans will fade into the background. But remember yourself: what lessons are there when there is only one thought in your head - will he call or not? Falling in love is a natural feeling, everyone, as they say, has been there.

Show tact

The biggest mistake parents make after learning news from their child is asking for details. Who she is (or such), how old she is, and what her parents do, bring her and introduce her. A violent reaction will alert the teenager and he will go on the defensive, and trust will be undermined. If you want to discuss, just tell young Romeo (or Juliet) that he can count on you, if questions arise, be open to dialogue. But it’s not worth turning into Sherlock Holmes, monitoring and checking “appearance passwords” on your phone.

Share your own experience - tell us yours romantic story from school days, this will bring you closer together and allow your teen to gain insight into someone else's experiences. True, if you still find it unpleasant to return to the past, it is better to remain silent. Let too personal and sad experiences remain deep in your memory.

Don't judge

It’s also a very common situation when parents don’t like the child’s chosen one. Let's tell you a secret: your opinion doesn't matter, unfortunately. The more you focus on the shortcomings of a passion, the more the teenager will be drawn to the object of his feelings. React calmly, even if your child’s significant other is a representative of a subculture: goth, metalhead or other informal. Maybe the guy in the biker jacket and with a mohawk on his head is a brilliant mathematician? And this is what attracts your growing daughter to him? Time will pass, the hairstyle will change, but the intelligence will remain!

Talk about important things

An important issue that needs to be discussed (ideally, even before “love unexpectedly arrives”) is contraception. Yes, in our 21st century, when spaceships roam the expanses of the Bolshoi Theater, many parents are still embarrassed to talk to their children about THIS. And they leave the topic to the wind school friends, street and Internet. Correcting errors! Firstly, without your intervention, the teenager receives a lot of fragmentary and not always correct information. Secondly, sex education- this is very serious, and parents must cover sensitive topics. Dad can talk to the boy, mom can talk to the girl. Calmly and without embarrassment, talk about the need for protection and the consequences of its absence. And, of course, that love is responsibility. If, after reading these lines, you mentally exclaim “My child is not like that - it’s too early for him to think about it!”, then you are mistaken. It's not too early. And then - it’s better to discuss everything earlier than later to rack your brains over a sudden teenage pregnancy.

Support

But what to do if love turns out to be unrequited? How can I help? Unfortunately, there is no way to explain this. Your teenager understands everything perfectly well, but this does not make his suffering any less. Therefore, we simply support - hug, worry, cry. All you can do is be considerate and supportive.

“Don’t worry, everything will pass,” - under no circumstances say that to a teenager, this will only cause aggression. For him, this is all happening here and now, he feels bad - and it is not going away yet. Sympathize, empathize, be there and try to maintain the teenager’s self-esteem. Very often, unhappy love literally pulls the rug out from under the child’s feet; the child believes that the problem is with him - he doesn’t look like that, doesn’t dress like that, doesn’t speak like that. Give compliments! Of course, unobtrusively and appropriately in a specific situation. Note how the new dress suits your daughter, how her hairstyle suits her. For a son, comments about how courageous he looks or acts like a real man are important.

Teenage love is familiar to many of us. And for parents this is often a difficult test. Although, some mothers and fathers remember with tenderness and trepidation the feeling of first love even after many years.

First love

The first love of two young hearts, what could be purer than this? high feeling? The young man and the girl are literally immersed in the abyss of new sensations, and at this moment it seems to them that there is nothing better in this world. Mutual attraction gives courage, because many couples in love completely abandon their studies and other important matters. They just want to be around all the time; those around them only bother them. Parental Controls only adds to the irritation.

After all, they are already old enough children to be able to experience such a magical feeling, and they do not necessarily need to be subjected to various tests. Usually, the feeling of falling in love occurs during a period of intense physical development, and grandiose hormonal changes. Boys and girls move on to the next age category, turn into a boy and a girl. Mood swings, newness in self-awareness - basic distinctive features teenagers They constantly strive to learn something new about the relationship between the sexes.

According to the results of statistical studies, most often love relationships between a boy and a girl are only platonic in nature. But in our time, society is making a push to start intimate relationships, often with completely unpredictable and undesirable consequences.

Cases when the first feelings of adolescents develop into something more are extremely rare and unique. This can only happen when the love is mutual and no one creates any obstacles. This will only have a positive effect on the development and formation of the individual as a whole. Much more often teenagers suffer from unrequited love, and still bitter disappointment for a long time awakens the fragile youthful soul.

Unhappy love

Psychology – complex science, and once again proves the presence of excessive maximalism in youthful judgments. After all, each of them is absolutely sure that his feelings of love are forever, for the rest of his life, that he will never love anyone again and cannot love anyone. But it is not only the lack of reciprocity that makes love unhappy. Parental rejection plays a huge role, especially in a categorical form. It often happens that parents protest that their smart daughter should date a young man who is a bully. It has long been known that so-called bad boys arouse great interest among girls.

It goes without saying that if parents openly express their protest, the more immediately a storm of indignation will follow in response from their son or daughter. The teenager will withdraw into himself and stop communicating with loved ones. For him, at that moment, this is the most important issue. It is clear that adults and experienced people know that everything is still ahead. It is at such a moment that parents risk missing something important. Love failures can greatly harm a teenager’s self-esteem. After all, changes in appearance only fuel your own rejection. Therefore, boys and girls are ready to undertake any experiments, as long as the object of love does not ignore their existence.

Love dates are not prohibited

If there are no compelling and significant reasons, there is no need to go to extremes, depriving you of wonderful walks under the moonlight. This moment should be present in the life of every young creature. Don't prohibit it completely, but sharply limit the time of the date. If you are told to return home at a certain time, then the teenager must fulfill the promise.

The forbidden always attracts. You need to try to become not only a friend to your child, but also a good teacher. There is nothing worse than secret love dates. So it’s better if they are explicit, but with time limits;

You must not exceed your authority

A teenager is often in no hurry to tell details about his crush to his parents. Love in adolescence At first it causes a flurry of emotions only in the heart and soul, but does not manifest itself externally. Everything is kept secret. This is a completely normal reaction. He is ready to share with friends - peers, nothing more. In his eyes, adults are not competent enough in such an important matter. There is no need to torture a teenager with questions; let him choose the most appropriate moment to reveal his secret. Of course, parents are obliged to know the age, place of residence, and occupation of their child’s chosen one;

Supporting the Purity of Love Relationships

Due to their young age, teenagers are so absorbed in a new feeling that they do not notice anything or anyone around them. They seem to be the happiest in the world. They are unaware that there are painful moments of separation and betrayal. At such moments, parents are the most important mentors and experienced advisers. Try to support your children, don’t let anyone interfere in their relationship;

A story about the consequences of intimate relationships

Today's teenagers spend too much time in social networks. Of course, they read and watch various videos that it may be too early for them to watch. Caring parents You must talk to your teenager about the danger teenage pregnancy. After all, each side has two medals. Bet on negative consequences similar relationships. Don't be shy about talking about the importance of using contraception.

It is natural that every parent wants to see their beloved offspring the happiest on earth. Therefore, they strive to help in every possible way, give advice and instructions. But don’t forget the most important thing: you don’t need to impose your beliefs, leave the right of choice to your son or daughter. They will be grateful for your understanding.

What is love? What is its relationship with friendship? For these eternal questions no one has yet given a comprehensive answer. However, undoubtedly these wonderful feelings play exclusively important role in the formation of a person’s personality throughout his life.

In psychology, there is a concept of love as a harmonious combination of sexual need and psychological intimacy. In an adult loving person the feeling of physical pleasure during sexual intercourse and the need for psychological intimacy usually merge together.

In a teenager, these needs and feelings are disconnected, which leaves an imprint on his psychology and behavior. The concept of “pure” sublime love in adolescence very often does not coincide with the concept of sexual intimacy.

Many teenagers, especially girls, identify sexual intimacy with something “dirty”, “shameful”. Established traditions and gaps in sex education play a big role in this.

The objects of “love” and “sex” in a teenager most often do not coincide, hence, on the one hand, a simplified attitude towards sexual intimacy, and on the other, a desexualization of everything related to “real” love and the image of an ideal lover (or beloved).

Puberty actively influences the formation of a teenager’s personality and behavior. At first, a boy (or girl) is concerned about the timing of the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics. The awareness that “I’m not like everyone else” is very often accompanied by a feeling of anxiety and emotional tension. With age, the criteria of “masculinity” (for boys) and “femininity” (for girls) become more relevant.

The situation with “masculinity” is especially difficult. If for girls it is considered prestigious to be weak and “feminine,” then a feminized, pampered boy causes condemnation among his peers. Therefore, teenagers brought up without a father and in groups where there are no men (kindergartens, schools) gravitate towards sports sections and informal teenage groups.

It is these groups-collectives that most often help a boy to establish himself in male role. Inflated criteria for “masculinity” are often compensated by adolescents with emphasized aggressiveness, rudeness, and delinquency and contribute to the formation of informal asocial groups.

In the last two or three decades there has been a tendency towards liberalization of sexual morality and more early start sexual life among teenagers. This is predisposed by early puberty, the increasing emancipation of adolescents, as well as the wide availability of semi-pornographic information on gender issues.

An important feature of the process of puberty during adolescence is its “experimental” nature. The emerging sexual need is “explored” by the teenager, which is accompanied by a large number of transient sexual deviations, close in form to both normal and pathological.

Gender psychological aspects of adolescent puberty should also be taken into account. In girls, puberty occurs earlier, which largely determines their attitude towards boys their peers. At the same time, erotic feelings in girls appear later and are of a slightly different nature than in boys. The erotic feeling in a teenage girl is often preceded by the need for psychological intimacy with a boy, usually older than her.

In boys, puberty occurs later, but proceeds more rapidly. At a certain phase of puberty, boys are distinguished by hypersexuality, which, in turn, is accompanied by increased sexual excitability, an increase in erotic interests and fantasies. It should be noted that the earlier puberty begins, the more rapidly it proceeds and the faster it ends, and, conversely, with a late onset, puberty is delayed and characterized by a more sluggish course.

Psychology of a teenager 12, 13, 14 or 16 years old. Features of developmental psychology of a teenager

After ten years, every child begins a new and completely different life. You can’t fool nature: the first changes appear, both in physiology and in other areas. Clinical psychology of children and adolescents shows that every year of life is a new step in development.

From child to teenager

At each stage, both the child and his parents expect new and interesting features. Often older generation The child’s behavior is frightening or alarming, and they don’t even understand what to do or where to turn. Therefore, it will be useful for them to know about age-related changes that happen to every person. And also understand how the psychology of a teenager at 13 years old and 16 years old differs.

Is 12 years old already a teenager or still a child?

Many parents treat their children subjectively and consider them not quite adults, sometimes even despite the fact that they have reached a “respectable” age. But in order to avoid problems, it is worth understanding that a twelve-year-old person already belongs to the category of “teenagers”. And from this age, parents should take their child more seriously, taking into account all the features that a teenager’s psychology has. 12 years is the age when a child begins to undergo the first changes.

From about this moment a person tries to associate himself with the adult contingent. This can occur in the form of copying other people's mannerisms in order to appear older. Boys are starting to pay attention to their physical condition. The question of how they look becomes a top priority for them. Girls also start special attention pay attention to your external data. During this period, they can already experiment with cosmetics. Therefore, parents should not be afraid of this and prohibit it. It is best to choose higher quality products for your child with the least amount of “chemicals”.

At the first stage adolescence a person develops a certain slowness. Don't be scared - this is normal phenomenon, since at this moment the connection between memory and thinking changes. The child understands that the thinking process is integrally connected with the ability to remember the knowledge that was previously acquired. There is a more conscious remembering and comprehension of the material read. During this period, a person begins to listen to what adults say about him. This sensitivity to the opinions of others often leads to the emergence of far-fetched fears.

13 years - teenage dawn

The psychology of a teenager is amazing and unpredictable. 13 years is the age when hormonal changes occur. Therefore, the child’s mood may change noticeably. And if suddenly he became more nimble and sharp, this does not confirm the fact that a “difficult” teenager is growing up in your family. Such changes are normal psychological factor. The child begins to perceive himself as an adult who has the right to his own opinion and desires. And this is partly correct. After all, he must strive for independence, and after some period, “separation” of himself from his parents. Of course, this is very difficult for parents to come to terms with, and they often commit the most big mistake, trying to suppress any desires of the child. This can lead to disastrous consequences.

Relating to intimate sphere changes that occur in the psychology of a teenager. 13 years is the age when increased sexual desire is noted, and, oddly enough, this happens more on the part of girls. Of course, boys also begin to be interested in this topic, but their interest peaks a little later. At this age, teenagers are critical of their external appearance. This is due to the fact that there is a desire to be like your idol, who has perfect figure, great hair and the most beautiful eyes.

14 years is the age of awareness of oneself as an individual

At the age of 14, a teenager actively begins to defend his rights. Sometimes parents may get the feeling that their child is doing everything out of spite and in defiance. But this is absolutely not true. At least the teenager does not set a specific goal for himself - to challenge everything. Often he himself is not sure what is really necessary and important to him. But the desire to stand out, to show - “I am different!” - huge. Therefore, misunderstanding arises between parents and children. In order not to aggravate the situation, when a conflict is brewing, it is better to smooth out the sharp moments. It is important to understand that the child is not trying to make you angry or deliberately piss you off - these are characteristics of age.

Also during this period, the child pays great attention to communication. It is very important for him to be accepted and not rejected. And also have friends with whom you can talk about everything. After all, at this age there is a lot exciting topics and sensitive questions that you can’t go to your parents with.

The psychology of a teenager at this age, of course, undergoes significant changes. And if parents noticed this transition in time and were able to change tactics in their relationship with the child, then this often minimizes problematic issues. In such a situation, the teenager is in no hurry to run away from home or do something out of the ordinary. He hears his parents and can compromise.

16 years old - the path to adulthood

Why is it remarkable? developmental psychology? The teenager becomes an adult. At this age, many already experience their first love, and perhaps their first disappointments. For some teenagers, this age means the appearance sexual relations. But don’t panic: not everyone at sixteen is ready to take this step. However, parents should start conversations about sex so that the child is aware of all the consequences. If dad or mom can’t start a conversation, then you can buy appropriate literature and give it to the child. A teenager must understand that this is a period when he is responsible for all his actions. By the way, in Cuba this age is considered adulthood.

At this age, the psychology of a teenager is more extensive and multifaceted. In addition to physical, sexual, hormonal changes, there are other features - the child begins to pay attention to philosophy. His outlook on life changes noticeably. And those issues that did not bother him before are now coming to the fore. During this period, a person may exaggerate his abilities, as everything looks simpler, more accessible and rosy. This is the psychology of a teenager. 16 years is a huge layer in which there is a lot of faith, desire, and aspirations. A person is at the peak of his emotional development.

Note to parents

Don't be afraid adolescence. This is an inevitable stage in the life of every person. And if you want to soften this time, try to understand why the child acts this way and not otherwise. The psychology of a teenager may seem strange and unpredictable to you, but this is absolutely not the case. Only you are capable, like no one else, of understanding your child and helping him overcome this period. For him it is perhaps even harder than for you. After all, a teenager is just beginning to understand himself and those around him, and all changes are complex and incomprehensible to him.

It seems that we ourselves were teenagers not so long ago and experienced our first feelings with incredible excitement. And now we look at our children and can hardly imagine what is happening to them and we ask ourselves how to behave so that, on the one hand, not to harm, but, on the other, to protect them from rash actions.

Teenagers' first love

It is difficult to imagine something purer and more sincere than the love between two teenagers who have never felt anything like this before. They discover completely new world, and it seems to them that nothing could be better. They may abandon their studies and strive to get rid of their parents' control, because they feel so grown-up and independent and forget about everything.

Usually, first love coincides with puberty and develops against the background of tremendous changes in the body and self-awareness of a teenager, constant hormonal surges and mood swings. He experiences the most contradictory feelings and strives to learn as much new things as possible, including about relations between the sexes.

In general, teenage love, as developmental psychology claims, can be exclusively platonic, but modern society literally pushes the guys towards closer ones, intimate relationships, the consequences of which can be extremely unpredictable.

Love between teenagers does not often develop into something more, but if the feelings are mutual, the relationship develops as usual and does not encounter serious obstacles along the way, then it will play an important role in the development of personality. However, such happy stories- a rarity, much more often teenagers have to experience unrequited love and experience the first disappointment.

Unhappy love in adolescence

As you know, not only teenagers are unhappy unrequited love. Feelings can be mutual, but face various obstacles, for example, complete misunderstanding on the part of parents who, trying to protect their child from mistakes, strictly forbid meeting with their lover.

Yes, good girls often drawn to bad boys, and positive guys are not always interested decent girls. This often causes shock and condemnation for parents, but it is important to understand that by impeding the relationship, you will most likely encounter a serious reaction of protest and will most likely lose the child’s trust. The teenager will withdraw into himself and stop sharing his experiences, and the chances that you will miss something really important will increase significantly.

Now let's imagine how a child feels if his feelings are unrequited. These are adults with their own life experience They understand that this is not the end of the world and everything is still ahead, but for teenagers everything seems completely different.

Adolescence is often accompanied by rejection own appearance, since changes in it, according to the teenager, only spoil him. He does not yet know that a significant transformation awaits him in the future. Failures on the love front deal a crushing blow to self-esteem, from which it is very difficult to recover. A teenager looks for problems within himself, experiments with his appearance and is ready to do desperate things just to attract the attention of the object of his love.

Conversation with a teenager about love

The question of whether it is worth discussing with a teenager his feelings and events in his personal life is quite controversial. The answer depends on the atmosphere in the family. If you have a warm and trusting relationship with your child, he will most likely tell you about his experiences and seek advice. But if there is a serious distance between you, then any question may be perceived as an attempt to limit his freedom and become a reason for an aggressive reaction. Then, perhaps, it is not worth interfering, but we must not let our guard down.

Teenage love is pure and innocent. This is one of the brightest and most memorable events in life. Most often it occurs at the age of 12 years.

Girls often experience their first crush earlier than boys.

Where it all begins

Physiological changes in a teenager’s body lead to the emergence of attraction to people of the opposite sex. Boys rudely show their interest in girls so as not to cause ridicule from others.

This usually involves pinching, pushing, and calling names. Girls who are not shown such signs of attention feel insulted.

They themselves begin to provoke boys into rude actions. At age 12, teenagers may begin to like each other, leading to friendships.

It is in vain that adults worry about such relationships. They provide invaluable experience of communicating with the opposite sex, which will be useful in adulthood.

At the beginning of adolescence, falling in love is widespread. This is especially true in spring time year.

If a boy and a girl who are passionate about each other appear at school, this becomes known to all students and teachers. They become the object of envy among the girls and the creation of new teases among the boys.

Sooner or later, all students acquire their own couples and begin to feel like more significant figures in society.

How teenagers show love

The psychology of feelings in people of the opposite sex manifests itself in different ways.

If a girl falls in love, then she feels:

You can understand that a boy has fallen in love by a number of signs:

• constant desire to be with your loved one;
• lack of interest in studies, friends and hobbies;
• thoughts only about the object of passion;
• desire to listen to songs and watch videos about love;
• dreams with your beloved.

Falling in love resembles a nervous breakdown. In this state, the human body produces the hormone dopamine, which promotes a surge of strength and energy.

Features of school love

School love usually doesn't last long. But if teenagers were able to maintain their relationship, then this allows them not to waste their time, but to devote their lives to one single person.

The feeling of falling in love that arose outside the school walls has the following features:

• new and unsolved sensations;
• excessive emotionality;
• maximalism and dreaminess;
• the ability to easily change for the sake of a loved one;
• high demands and expectations from relationships;
• idealization of the object of passion;
• inexperience;
• timidity and shyness towards a partner;
• an opportunity to learn to take responsibility for your actions.

All these properties lead to the fact that teenagers’ love more often remains school-based. But it makes a person more prepared for future relationships.

Find out how to confess your love to a girl on VK from the article: how to confess your love to a girl.

Poems-declaration of love to a girl, read here.

What are the stages of love according to psychology by year, see here.

If love arose at the age of 12, then this is absolutely normal and you should not be ashamed of it. Most often, first feelings are unrequited.

In order to successfully overcome this stage of growing up, there are the following ways:

• Enjoy your youth. This age period only happens once in a lifetime. So it's better to throw everything away bad thoughts and accept with gratitude the experience that will be useful in the future. First love is a feeling familiar to every person. He carries it throughout his life.
• Don't forget about your interests. No matter how beautiful and ideal the object of love is, you must always remain with your passions and have your own opinion. It is better not to completely dissolve in a person, but to always be an individual.
• Accept help from parents. If the feeling of unrequited love prevents you from living peacefully, then you can talk frankly with your parents or relatives. All of them have ever experienced such emotions and already know how to live with them. These are the people who want only good things and are able to truly give. good advice. You should not reject the help of your grandparents, as talking with them will also help relieve the burden from your soul.
• Don't take your future lightly. The first feeling evokes wonderful emotions and shades everything around. This does not mean that you need to give up your hobby or studies. You can turn falling in love for good and use the inspiration it gives. If the feeling is mutual, then you can think about a promising future and strive for it together. And if not, then don’t lose heart. We must ensure that the object of love understands who he has lost.
• Don't isolate yourself. One must be able to live with dignity with love. You can’t go into yourself and make things worse difficult situation. New acquaintances, meetings with friends and fun walks will distract you from dark thoughts.
• Exercise caution. The teenager himself determines his readiness for sexual activity. But you shouldn’t rush into it, much less succumb to the persuasion of the object of your love. This is one of life's biggest decisions and should not be taken lightly. Join sexual intercourse It is recommended not earlier than 18 years of age, when the psyche is fully formed.

Signs of falling in love

A teenager in love rarely shares his love experiences with his parents. If you are attentive, the child’s condition can be determined by his behavior.

Signs that a teenager has fallen in love:

• Spends less time at home. Maybe, earlier child loved to play games or read, but now he suddenly decided to join a club. This action can become a reason to spend more time with the object of your crush.
• Frequent phone calls. The teenager began talking on the phone for several hours. To do this, he began to look for places of solitude, although previously he could openly communicate with his parents.
• Requests for pocket money. To court a girl, boys need financial resources for cafes, cinemas and gifts. If he often starts asking for pocket money, then there is a high probability that he has fallen in love.
• Unusual mood. At mutual feelings In young people there is euphoria, and in those who are unresponsive - depression and tearfulness.
• The desire to look good. Girls begin to dress up heavily and wear makeup. Boys strive to look neat and fashionable.

This list is provisional. The manifestation of any sign is not an exact guarantee that the teenager has fallen in love. But this is a reason to show more attention to him.

During this important and difficult life period, parents need to have a trusting relationship with their child and be supportive.

This is difficult to achieve in adolescence, but the following useful tips will help you get closer:

• be interested in problems and value frankness,
• communicate as equals,
• show that you understand him,
• respect the child's feelings,
• communicate without aggression and irritation,
• do not humiliate the object of your love,
• do not try to break off their relationship,
• try to get to know your girlfriend/boyfriend,
• share your story of first love.

Friendships will help you keep abreast of events and have some influence on them. Don't force your opinion on your teenager.

He must understand his feelings himself in order to learn to make decisions and analyze the situation. It is better if trusting relationships are established from early childhood.

Otherwise, sharp attention and a desire to have a heart-to-heart talk will look false, which can only scare the child away. Act intelligently and unobtrusively.

First love is the foundation for future ones serious relationship. A teenager often forms a model of behavior in his relationships from the norms and values ​​instilled in him by his parents.

But no amount of upbringing will protect a child from disappointment, so support and attention are important to him.

Psychological characteristics of children in adolescence

IN modern world The concept of “teenager” evokes an association of complexity, difficulty in communication, and incomprehensibility. It is difficult for adults to understand that, being in their youth, moving from childhood to adulthood (life period of 13-15 years), a teenager feels himself already grown up, essentially remaining a child. Remaining his confidant during this difficult period for the child is great luck, albeit incredibly difficult. To do this, you need to know about those features that appear at this stage of life and shape his personality. The main action of the immediate environment (parents and friends of the older generation) is to help and assist, in other words, to be attentive to him and communicate “in his language.” At this time, the young man is in a difficult period of life. He is forming his views and his opinion on any issue and concept.

Teenagers withdraw into themselves

It’s difficult for the people around you because it’s unbearably difficult for him to be with himself. He is not sure of anything. He is looking for his purpose in life, focusing only on his opinion.

1. A child, growing up, goes through three temporary stages.
2. The first stage is childhood. It lasts approximately until the age of 11.
3. The second stage is early adolescence. Its time period is from 11 to 14 years.
4. And finally, the third stage of human maturation is senior adolescence, located in the range from 15 to 18 years.
5. Between the second and third stages of growing up there is an intermediate one, not distinguished by specialist psychologists as a separate one, middle stage– from 14 to 16.

Adolescent Psychology - Highlights

During this time period of his life, a young man begins to gain a new awareness and motivation for his own behavior. Lead them meaningfully.

Psychologists often focus the attention of parents of children in adolescence on this conventional transitional fragment (from 14 to 16 years old) in connection with the changes occurring in them, both physiological and mental.

Because this period, called the stage of personal and professional self-determination, is the most difficult in life for a growing teenager - a boy or a girl.

The emotional sphere of adolescents and motivation

At this time, the child begins to form his own individual personal position for all questions and situations. It often does not agree with the views and opinions of adults, including parents, on the same situation, which leads to conflict, which may result in a loss of mutual understanding and contact relationships between them.

Manifestations of psychological neoplasms in adolescents aged 14–16 years

In order to overcome this most difficult period of life less painfully for a family, it is necessary to understand the psychological new formations that arise in middle adolescence.

Depending on the development (maturation) of the child’s personality, neoplasms in adolescents can appear from the age of 13 and last until the age of 15.

There are several such neoplasms.

Problems communicating with peers increase sharply among teenagers

Switching your constant communication from teachers and parents to friends - classmates and peers, a little older, but who are an authority for a particular teenager. At this time, he develops skills in social interaction, that is, he learns to obey the opinions of others, but at the same time defending his rights. The consequence of this is the manifestation of two contradictions - belonging to a peer group and the desire for isolation, that is, having your own individual personal space.

Reluctance to listen to parents and teachers

Changes in the cognitive sphere of a teenager. Development framework 13 -15 years

The term “cognitive sphere” is understood as the unification of all cognitive processes person. Such as attention and memory, intelligence and the development of logical and verbal-figurative thinking. In a special way, the accession and development of creative abilities occurs.

Manifestation of a phantom sense of adulthood

While still essentially a child, a teenager (usually 13-5 years old) feels and decides that he has already grown up. He develops and manifests with increasing frequency the desire to become independent from parental family. He begins to conceive his first thought about his future profession. He strives to become “necessary,” that is, useful to society and family. And, of course, the emergence of a keen interest in the opposite sex.

Phantom adulthood in adolescents is manifested by prohibited actions

Possible occurrence of school maladjustment

The reason for this is ambiguous, usually complex, relationships with teachers or classmates.

Skills in developing communication and a teenager’s own individual personality position

With the onset of acute adolescence, especially the middle stage, in the life of a person aged 14–16 years, a reorientation occurs from intrafamily communication between parental family and the child to the external - friends, peers - classmates and older teenagers who are authorities.

Most often, at the age of 14, an individual chooses a guideline for himself - an ideal, which becomes a life example and a confidant for him. Such communication is basic at this age, as it is the main information channel. In addition, this is a specific type of emotional contact that develops in a teenager a sense of solidarity, self-esteem, emotional well-being and interpersonal relationships.

Under the influence of an idol, teenagers can change greatly

As a result of such contact, in order to be like his idol, a 14-year-old teenager can change his appearance and style of communication with the people usually around him.

There is a change in tastes, an interest in energy and alcoholic drinks and smoking is manifested, since these are the qualities that he associates with adulthood.

Changes in the cognitive sphere of a teenager

During adolescence, especially at its middle stage, there is an improvement in intellectual processes and thinking, which is the basis for the formation of personality.

An activity-based approach to growing up is implemented young man, under the influence of complex schooling, part of which is the development of elements of the cognitive sphere of personality, that is, the functions of the adolescent’s psyche.

Teenage absent-mindedness leads to learning problems

A process such as perception at this age acquires a selective character, with the possibility of analytical and critical conclusions.

1. Attention, during this period, acquires the ability to clearly switch and distribute. Its parameters also improve and develop: the volume increases and stability strengthens. It becomes arbitrary and controlled by the teenager himself. This indicates the emergence and manifestation of selective attention.
2. Memory also develops. It undergoes the same changes as attention - it acquires a fully meaningful character in terms of memorization and comprehension.
3. In parallel with the above functions of the adolescent’s psyche in middle period growing up 14-16 years old, independent thinking develops. This allows the child to move on and operate with individual conclusions.

Psychological defense is expressed in behavioral disorders

Phantom feeling of adulthood

Professional psychologists note that against the backdrop of the developing cognitive sphere of the individual, a teenager has a desire to “be like an adult.” That is, he has a need to bear responsibility for a certain part (zone) of independently completed work.

At the same time, interest in people of the opposite sex awakens. The first ones arise platonic relationship between a boy and a girl, most often their age is 13 - 15 years. The first feeling of falling in love appears. There is a desire to please the person you like and to show constant concern for him.

At this age, teenagers experience their first love

Parents should take into account that excessive interference in this feeling and in this relationship can lead to a deterioration in mutual understanding between them and their child. As a result, cause him to become alienated and withdrawn. Parents are advised not to interfere with the development of these relationships, but also not to encourage them.

During this same period comes the desire to earn your first money on your own. The motivation is the desire to become financially independent, so as not to once again beg for funds for your personal needs from your parents and not to give them an account of where and how they were spent. This also includes motivation for socially useful activities, as a result, encouragement from authority and teenage peers.

In adolescence, many people try to earn their first money.

The emergence of school maladjustment

A family with a teenager aged 14-16 quite often encounters such manifestations as school maladjustment, that is, the inability to feel comfortable in a group of peers.

The reason for such a situation in a child’s life may be a breakdown in relationships (conflict) with teachers, classmates or older students, as a result of the teenager’s reluctance to obey their demands and tasks.

School maladaptation - main signs

Externally, school maladjustment is expressed in resistance and even complete refusal to attend classes. The child stops doing homework. There is a complete violation in his educational activities. He tries to communicate with his family less often, trying to solve the problem on his own, which only makes it worse.

Parents should pay attention to the problem of their child (13 – 16 years old) through the signals described above and try to help him as soon as possible, after consulting with a psychologist, without showing him the child.

You can also involve in the problem and school psychologist, asking him to observe the behavior and reactions of the teenager. Based on the results of his observations, the specialist can offer a program of assistance in this particular case.

Effective technologies for working with deviant behavior in children

Why does a child bite at different ages?

Signs of a hyperactive child - should parents be concerned?

I'm a teenager and I understand you parents, yes, we are mentally aggressive, and we can yell at you. but from a teenager's point of view, we get offended over little things and it's your fault. Let me explain. When you see that a teenage child is offended by you because of a trifle and you feel that he is moving away from you, try to talk to him, but do not say that it is their fault, no. It's just that we teenagers have heightened feelings and emotions. For us, one problem with parents is just a drop out of a million drops that turn into one huge problem. We walk around as if nothing had happened, but when we are alone, it just slowly tears us apart from the inside, but we endure, often we cannot stand it and explode at those around us. At such moments, parents are very necessary, just say that everything is fine, that life goes on, and when we say leave, we want to be alone, it’s better not to leave but hug the child, we say this because we are offended by the whole world for such a life.

Try to hold back and

Try to restrain yourself and don’t scold and yell at your child because he doesn’t listen to you, take away phones, laptops and other equipment that you tore up yourself or even if you didn’t give him as a gift, limit the time, for example, to be home at eight. Otherwise we will lose trust or love for you.

Lord, are you serious? The authors of this article, of course, are not entirely right. You shouldn’t put all teenagers from 13-16 years old under the same brush. What I don’t like most is that when an adult or someone who is already over 17 years old when they hear the word “teenager” they imagine: “A bunch of hormons. Separation from parents. Smoking, terrible behavior and isolation.”

This is not always the case! I myself am 14 years old, I still don’t like society, but I love going to school, everything is fine with my academic performance. I don’t want to seem like an adult and constantly listen to my parents. Yes, I often get offended by little things, but this has ALWAYS been the case .I listen to opinions and of course, for me, the authority will be my father or mother, rather than some 9th grader. I always want to help my loved ones, I don’t close myself off and if I want to “sip”, I go to my mother. But at the same time I am developing as a person, I have my own opinion, my own secrets.

In general, what I want to say is that teenagers are not always what people usually imagine. My behavior was the same as it was before, and has remained the same since I turned 14 :)

You still have everything ahead... For some, this period begins more late age, for example, at 17-20 years old.

Lie. A deep and unforgivable lie. In fact, the word teenager is offensive to me, as it is to all people in early stage life. I will call you people over 18 years of age scions. You've already grown up. Isn't it insulting?

I am writing as a 13-year-old person who is passionate about psychology and independent (I work part-time myself).

What is written here is species discrimination. We cannot legally work, we cannot refuse school, we cannot get married (Article about maturation), we cannot refuse sections, we cannot refuse forced education, we cannot participate in elections, we cannot ride a bicycle on the highways (up to 14 years), we are not allowed to drive a car, we are not allowed to have private property, and so on, on……..

THIS VIOLATES HUMAN RIGHTS. And all because of the insignificant numbers in the passport.

All the same, no matter how it is, you are children. I would also write something so that 6 year olds could drive a car. All the laws are not invented out of nowhere. Wait a little, and you can do all of the above, everything that is possible for the shoots??

If you see in the word "teenager" something related to agriculture, as it seems to me, and in your opinion I am a scion and I am quite older than you, and have seen everyone in life, then it seems to you serious problems... Yes, at the age of 13, you should be thinking about studying (although you called studying forced, it’s simply terrible), about life, about the future, making some plans for life, and not working or driving a car! There is nothing similar in the article, where it would be written that teenagers at the age of 13 must attend sections without fail and are prohibited from refusing them. And isn't it funny to you yourself? your words: “we can’t have private property”... Of course we can’t, when you wrote this nonsense, did you even re-read what you wrote? And this does NOT, I repeat, violates human rights in ANY way. I wrote something about a passport, you’re 13! You don't even have one! From what I wrote, I see that you just started transition period. As they say in slang, it bombs from all angles. Yes, I’ve never met such young kids who are supposedly passionate about “psychology,” but that means I’ve seen a lot. I would advise you not to show off too much on such sites, and even more so on such serious topics! Grow up, become a brat, as you say, see life at least a little and come back, then we’ll talk!

This message is a joke, but you grown men and women believed))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Give you private property, you will squander it all) or people like me will take it away due to your immature naivety. If you are allowed to get married, the divorce rate will increase by another factor of 2. And all this does not violate human rights, since you do not have any rights yet.

All animals have all rights FROM BIRTH. And man is an animal.

Damn, how stupid this is. Even an adult after, not even 18, is not allowed to do much. But this is morally impossible. I can't afford much. Many things sound banal, but there are also those that you will regret in the future. Think about this in advance and everything will be fine.

You should be hit in the ass with a belt, not taken to a psychologist. Completely crazy. Personal space, independence, go to an orphanage, if you don’t like it, just hang out there until you lose your pulse.

Beat yourself, you can’t hurt the weak

This comment leaves a creature who wants to feel superior to others. It’s better to just talk, become a friend, and not a despot in the eyes of a child.

Everything they write here is a lie, a complete lie. I’m 15 years old now. And everything you write here is a lie!! As long as adults don’t have their fault here! You see, there is your fault here and it’s huge!! Truly his mother is huge! Teenagers do not want to harm anyone, especially themselves. Teenagers want only two things! 1. Freedom of speech! And 2. Don't touch them! Yes, we are emotionally unstable. But your (adults) fault is that when we (teenagers) explode, you (adults) only add on top, you shut us (teenagers) up, thereby asserting your authority and calling us to you hatred. Instead of just shutting up, hug and calm the teenager with normal words and a calm tone.

Judging by the comments, everything in the article was written correctly

I read the comments and for some reason I feel ashamed for my peers... I’m just turning fourteen soon, maybe it hasn’t “started” yet, but for some reason it seems to me that it’s already over, I was like that when I was 11-12 years old. For some reason, the article does not say that a father or mother can become an authority figure for a teenager; this is true for some people; they are simply embarrassed to admit it. Teenagers are not always aggressive, having good parent and a normal upbringing, a person will defend his rights in front of his classmates, if he doesn’t like something, communicate only with those with whom he is comfortable (!) and trust his mother, and not some tenth graders who behave like sheep and nothing at all they are not authoritative. Yes, at the age of 13-15, a child is very vulnerable, often blushes, begins to think “who am I” and “how should I behave,” but if you help him get to know himself and encourage him to go out with friends, explaining the dangers of smoking, alcohol, etc. what they don’t talk about in polite society, you will develop an adequate personality. At fourteen or fifteen, we can already understand what is harmful for us and what is not. Treat your children like friends and show them that you love them, and don’t cram school, study, study, and study every day. correct behavior by force, or by force.

I fully support the teenage guys, I read the comments and see that the guys reason more adequately and give specific advice, very simple, but worthwhile.

Good afternoon everyone! I am 14 years old. I agree with the commentators above, what is written here does not apply to me at all. I’m a very good person (2 B’s), I have a normal relationship with my parents, I naturally don’t smoke or drink (and I never will, because I was raised in a family where a healthy lifestyle rules!)!

I communicate with many people in class, and I am also friends and acquaintances with many guys at school (my age and older). I often draw, paint, and do creative work. And at home I sometimes don’t mind playing something. And I, too, like the commentator above, am offended by the word teenager! In general, I wanted to say that the author of the article is wrong, and not all children of this age behave indecently. I am a child! And I feel like a child!

Oh, I forgot! My idol is my dad))) and I love my parents very much)))

The article is useful and productive. There is nothing “difficult” or scary about adolescence. True, children become adults. This is the laying of the foundation for a new building. Everything in the comments is either trolling or the ravings of stupid teenagers. I am 13 years old and it’s unpleasant to read comments from peers who are so incomprehensible.

1 time of the belt and everything will pass) all the whims and so on.)

And what will you achieve with this? Whims and desires will not disappear, but they will begin to hate you, even though you are a parent. This is disgusting!

I would like to add about private property: I have a child, he will soon turn 14 years old and he already owns part of an apartment and a dacha. So you are wrong to think that children cannot have their own property.

This is such an interesting question. The child is 15.9 years old, girl.... studies well... all by herself... participates in all Olympiads! But at home... it's trash. Considers herself the smartest. My father doesn’t live nearby, he’s a military man... I’m a Mom, I have a flexible work schedule... I earn good money... but I also spend a lot on work.... it so happened that my mother and husband spoiled my reputation, apparently they wanted to assert themselves... the question is the following, a teenager, does not help around the house... constantly humiliates... and I am silent... well, why scold her... youthful maximalism.. waiting for it to end... and here. .. today, really… my nerves went away… and she called her… and said that I had nothing to worry about…. and I myself... what should I do then??

Good afternoon, I sympathize about your daughter,

The worst thing in my opinion is when a loved one offends you,

If I were you, I would let her understand that this is very painful for you, she must respect her mother, if only because her mother gave her life,

Regarding household duties, of course, we need to start vaccinating earlier

Let her choose what will be her responsibilities.

and does the same as you do yours,

Patience to you, strength,

I read the comments and am surprised. Everything in the article is written correctly. I remember from myself, it was the same. It’s just that for some it comes earlier, for others it comes later. I now have a son at that age, and he also talks to me about his rights.

And as for the fact that the word “teenager” offends you, girls and boys, I hasten to upset you. Soon you will be called woman and man. And believe me, it will jar you no less!))))

Hello, I'm 14 years old. I don’t know why, but somehow it happened that I was terribly afraid to express my opinion to my father, no, he didn’t beat me, he never hit me, but I was always afraid of his raised tone and could not influence him not to scream. With others, I calmly defend my position, but I was always surprised how some of my friends argue and defend their opinions with their parents, in particular with their father. Everything is fine with my mother, she understands me, sometimes she listens, but most often she says something like: “Oh, D..., leave me alone!” but this is all because of work, although I don’t think that any work problems are more important than family happiness. And I feel terribly uncomfortable and unpleasant even to ask him for anything, in the sense that we are hanging out with friends and I have to leave, although there is still little time, and I cannot call and ask him (my father) for another half an hour. I don’t call because I understand that since so much has been given, it means no more. I have already asked for a little more time several times, but in response I heard a scream into the phone. And I’m very upset when my friends are still walking, having fun, and I already have to say goodbye to them and go home. I also want to say that there is another problem, which is that only his (father’s) opinion is correct, no matter how many times we have had dinner at the table and discussed any issue, his opinion is correct, but the rest are not. Moreover, if you also say that he is wrong, then the raised tone becomes even louder (from observations of mom and dad discussing something) And in addition, I’m very afraid of his gaze, it’s kind of piercing, shooting, you can’t calmly discuss something when they look at you so intently. I am especially offended when my peers, absolutely everyone, can already go to the center, walk in Muzeon Park (next to Tretyakovskaya) or somewhere else. But I can’t go anywhere except my area and one shopping center nearby. I hope when I grow up, I will become independent from him, although for some reason I am sure that being an adult girl, I will be required to report how my day went and what time I returned. By at least today, I don’t remember why, but for three years now I’ve been calling every day and reporting that I’m already at home and what grades I got.

It’s interesting that no one hinted that teenagers are people too. One aggression towards this social group. School is the #1 place for aggression. The aggression starts with the technical staff, moves on to the teachers, then the teachers pour their barrels of feces on the students! Instead of uniting and fighting the dirt, students insult each other. It is also terrifying that it is not only the school that is aggressive: in public places(in cafes, shops, hospitals, etc.) aggression towards younger people is manifested by the pronoun “you”, poor quality of services. The very denotation of “you” is already aggression and disrespect. Using “you” can insult, hit, kill, and do poor quality work. Adults - former children and teenagers. They were disrespected and insulted by everyone as children. Out of grief, they began to smoke, drink, and use drugs (now the streets are teeming with drug addicts, drunkards and adults who smoke). Then articles appear on the Internet “about how angry teenagers are these days.”

It’s interesting that no one hinted that teenagers are people too. One aggression towards this social group. School is the #1 place for aggression. The aggression starts with the technical staff, moves on to the teachers, then the teachers pour their barrels of feces on the students! Instead of uniting and fighting the dirt, students insult each other. It is also terrifying that not only the school is aggressive: in public places (in cafes, shops, hospitals, etc.) aggression towards younger children is manifested by the pronoun “you” and poor quality of services. The very denotation of “you” is already aggression and disrespect. Using “you” can insult, hit, kill, and do poor quality work. Adults are former children and teenagers. They were disrespected and insulted by everyone as children. Because of this grief, they began to smoke, drink, and use drugs (now the streets are teeming with drug addicts, drunkards and adults who smoke). Then articles appear on the Internet “about how angry teenagers are these days.”

Good afternoon I’ll say right away that I am a strict and emotional woman of 36 years old. ALSO I am the mother of a kind and sympathetic boy of 13 years old (I have a younger son, 6 years old). He is a good and excellent student and has been playing hockey since he was 6 years old. I’m not spoiled by expensive things and gadgets, but the little things are expensive and of high quality (bicycle, hockey and football uniforms, shoes). Once a year, a trip around Russia (we can’t afford it, at least let him take a look). I found out that my son and his friends were stealing ice cream from a nearby store. I'm incredibly angry, I'm angry - I want to rip his hands off. Young people, tell me where to start a conversation WITH HIM, that it is IMPOSSIBLE to steal! What and how should I tell HIM so that he understands?