I would like to note right away: I am against visiting the garden until the age of three. This is my professional point of view. Therefore, everything that we will talk about next is applicable for children over three years old. So, here are the possible reasons:

The house doesn't let go

The first option is the parents’ fear for the child (he will be sick, he will be too weak physically, the teachers there will not take care of him as needed, and the like). The second is the negative parental experience of visiting the kindergarten in childhood. And the parent subconsciously sends this internal perception to the child. “This is a terrible place, but you have to go there,” the mother seems to be conveying to the child. "Will not go!" - the healthy psyche of the child screams. The third is the fear of the mother’s authenticity. Often in the case of younger children, when the stage of annoying childhood ends in the family, the mother begins to be afraid, unconsciously. All this time she was a young mother who took care of a small child, and now he is going to kindergarten, and she has fears about whether she will be needed (“who will I be without a child”).

All this can influence the child’s internal decision. “It’s better if I stay at home, mom will be calmer this way,” the child feels. “Mom won’t worry about me, I won’t go to a scary place, if I leave home, trouble will happen” - the last fear is typical of overly responsible children.

The house is pushing

But how can a parent’s active desire to send a child to kindergarten prevent him from wanting to attend this kindergarten? But everything is the same. And in this case, the child is forced to cope not only with his own emotions and experiences, but also with the experiences of his parents. In fact, parents unconsciously convey to the child: grow up quickly, prove to the whole world that we are good parents. When parental self-esteem is directly related to the child's achievements and success, this becomes an impossible task for the child. This often happens to older or only children. In this sense, life is easier for the younger ones. When such pressure arises, the child loses a sense of security from what is happening, anxiety grows, and he wants to hide in a familiar safe place. “What if I can’t handle it? I’d rather sit at home,” he feels.

Have you ever jumped with a parachute? No? Then just try to imagine. There's a difference between jumping on your own and being pushed out of a plane. Just imagine this. An “innocent” push in the back can have a very serious impact on the child’s entire development. There is a simple rule: calling is possible and necessary, pushing is not. First, you need to understand your own motives and not hang your experiences on your child. Sometimes just realizing that it is there, “these are my cockroaches, they are there, but you don’t have to react,” saves the situation. Then the child has a choice.

It is worth having escape routes: grandmothers, nannies, girlfriends. A hopeless situation worsens the child's condition. If you plan to go to work, first adapt to the garden, and then go to work. The most sociable child needs time to adapt. It is important to remember that for a child, kindergarten is a new level of relationship. This is the time when the child receives an answer to the questions: “how will I relate to the world and myself?” The baby takes behavior patterns from adults, but learns them in communication with children. And here it is important not to forget about this importance; you need to make it clear to the child that he himself is busy with an important task, and we, adults, understand this. This is not “mommy is busy, so you’ll go to the garden” - that’s wrong. That's right - “while you are busy with important things, I can go to work.”

Child is not ready for kindergarten

A story from practice. Anya, 5 years old, flatly refuses to go to her favorite activity - dancing - in the garden. On the day when there is dancing, she does not want to go to the garden at all. I practically turned the whole kindergarten inside out to find out the reason - the teacher, the teacher, and the director. Everyone was cooperative, everyone wanted to help. It turned out that Anyuta couldn’t… fasten her beautiful new shoes. Pride did not allow me to ask for help, and my desire to shine did not allow me to wear my old ones. Hence the tears. Conclusion: the better the child’s self-care skills, the easier the adaptation is. The key word here is “comfortable” - put on, put away, fasten. A poorly fastened zipper causes aggression in the teacher. An adult is angry at the lightning, and not at the child, but the baby does not see the difference! For him it’s “Auntie doesn’t love me.” And the teacher can understand: problems with lightning once are not a problem, but 15 times in 15 children are a problem. One teacher told me about a couture scarf on a girl that made her think of Isadora Duncan. A child is running around the playground in a long, fluttering scarf, and the teacher is worried that the scarf is about to get caught on something and suffocate the baby.

Remember, a child without you is different, behaves differently than with you. The baby, decorously performing in a white overalls with her grandmother on the right hand and her mother on the left, in their absence, takes a running start and dives with pleasure into the first dirty puddle she comes across. Remember, luxury clothing is not for the garden. Take one day and observe your child from the point of view of his willingness to do everything himself (like in the garden). Try to make everything comfortable. It is necessary that nothing interferes with him, nothing scratches him. Your son may be eager to go home because he feels uncomfortable in the new T-shirt, and he wants to take it off and put on an old, homely, soft one.

The kindergarten is not ready for the child’s special needs

Problems with refusing to go to the garden may be related to the garden itself. Because the kindergarten is not ready for your child’s special needs. Take, for example, hypersensitivity to noise. There are children (and not only children, but also adults) who cannot tolerate high noise levels. I know several managers whose rapid careers were explained by the desire to quickly get a separate office and move out of open space.

Also, for example, there is a peculiarity - intolerance to unauthorized touches. If an employee of the company where you work starts pushing, grabbing or biting you, you will at least be surprised. In the adult world this is unacceptable, but in the children's world it is commonplace. And the teacher’s words “don’t come near him, he’s gentle with us” do not help the child establish relationships with other children. He is ready and willing to play and push and participate in games, but in control of the process. He is not against communication, he is against the fact that touching and such actions happen suddenly and without his consent. With such a child, the teacher needs to spell out the rules of behavior in the game: you can grab the hand, but you can’t grab the braid. And the child must be prepared for what will happen now.

There are children who cannot sleep in gardens. There are adults who don’t sleep in other people’s houses – what kind of children do you think they grew up from? They need their own safe space. For them, sleep is an intimate process. Such children will willingly play, walk, and so on, but will not sleep in the garden.

Another recurring characteristic of some children that can cause problems with the garden is that there are children who are constantly experiencing cognitive hunger. They need something constantly happening around them, they need a situation of active development - performances, games, and so on. And if adults don’t organize it, they organize it for themselves (see “Problem Child 1 and 2”). “We can’t keep up with your child,” teachers say in such cases. These children do not fight, they simply constantly involve other children in various activities that teachers do not have time to monitor.

Parents of such children need to remember: this is not a problem, but a feature of the child. There is no need to redo it to adapt your baby to the garden. We need to look for a kindergarten and teachers who are ready to accept and take into account these features.

Be careful with any value judgments regarding your child. If teasing and some negative nicknames or definitions of a child are clear to everyone, that is bad, but positive assessments (“helper, calm boy, serious girl, good organizer, and so on”) are just as dangerous.

A story from practice. Vanya, 6 years old. He flatly refuses to go to the garden. Mom takes me to the wall of glory at their house, hung with certificates and filled with cups. The child is a leader everywhere, successful, everyone loves him. Mom is perplexed: “Others have problems, but what are ours?” Indeed, the boy has the qualities of a leader, organizes an interesting life for the group in the garden, games and the like. And everyone, including teachers, expects this from him without fail. The child practically went to kindergarten as if he were going to work. Let me remind you once again that for harmonious development, a child must try himself in areas and spheres in which he is not strong, and develop them. How can you try something new that you are not yet successful at, when you are constantly asked to demonstrate success? In the case of Vanya, it turned out that Vanya fell in love and tried to do something that he had never done and could not do - write poetry. He was not allowed to write poetry in the garden - they expected active games and organization from him, they watched what he was doing, he was visible all the time, and he was embarrassed. Therefore, he sat down at home, locked himself in a room, covered himself with Pushkin and began to write poetry. Imagine: a six-year-old boy locked himself in a room, closed the door with a closet, and refused to go into the garden.

And I’ll tell you what advice I gave to his mother: well, let the child write a poem already! Children have the right to be different.

Kindergartens and nurseries entered the life of society along with the women's movement for equal rights with men and are its achievement. These institutions, to a certain extent, free women from caring for and raising children, providing them with the opportunity to engage in education, professional activities, and entrepreneurship. Until now, almost all children in our country went to kindergartens. But in recent years, an alternative to public preschool institutions has emerged. This is family education, the revived institution of governing, private educational and development institutions.
If 10 years ago a child who came to the first grade not from kindergarten was looked at as a black sheep, now the situation has changed. Many mothers raise and develop children at home.
So does your child need kindergarten? What does he give the child? At what age is it better to send children there? I propose to look at this problem from the point of view of child psychology.
In this book I will try to answer the questions that parents most often ask at receptions and in letters sent to me.

Mother: My husband makes good money now and invites me to quit my job and stay home with my youngest daughter until school. Now our daughter is almost three years old, maternity leave ends in two months. To be honest, I’m already tired of sitting at home. Constant everyday issues, household chores, monotony and no development or communication. The eldest son, like most children, went to kindergarten. Both he and we really liked it. There they will prepare you better for school than at home, and the child gets used to the children’s group and becomes sociable. So I came to you for advice on what to do: agree with your husband and give up kindergarten or not?
Parents: We decided to send our child to an early development school at the gymnasium. But we were immediately asked if the child went to kindergarten. And when they found out that the girl did not visit him, they set a fee of a third more. Why? Is it possible that our child is developing differently at home?

It is impossible to answer these questions unequivocally. Yes, I believe that it is beneficial for a child to attend a preschool. But you should always approach this issue individually. After all, not all children, due to some physical or psychological reasons, can be torn away from home, mother and the corresponding home regime. There may also be contraindications from doctors, who must show the child before sending him to kindergarten.
In this case, I will talk about the majority of children who CAN and SHOULD attend kindergarten.
What are the advantages of having a child in kindergarten and the objective reasons why a child should attend it?

• Firstly, a child’s stay in kindergarten creates conditions for the child to develop independence. In kindergarten, children learn self-care skills much easier and faster: they learn to eat, dress and undress independently, perform natural needs, maintain personal hygiene, and clean up after themselves. They master all these wisdom in a kindergarten atmosphere in three to four months.
• Secondly, in kindergarten, more time than at home is devoted to play activities and activities that contribute to the child’s physical development, the development of logical thinking, speech, artistic and musical abilities.
• Thirdly, visiting a kindergarten group develops in a child the ability to communicate in a team, teaches him to interact with other children on the basis of an agreement and taking into account common interests. This circumstance is especially important for only children in the family. In the process of communication, preschoolers learn to wait their turn, share what they have, and moderate personal desires. Children not only get used to each other, but establish fairly close relationships. At the same time, by imitating, they learn from their peers what they themselves cannot do.

In a kindergarten setting, the “I AM MINE” attitude disappears, and the “OUR IS COMMON” attitude becomes relevant. The child shares toys, helps peers, if they have not yet learned, to dress and undress, and explains the rules of the game to those who do not know them.

The teacher plays a major role in the upbringing and training of preschool children. He instills in them self-service skills, teaches them to communicate with peers and adults. Under the guidance of the teacher, in the process of play and cognitive activities, observations of nature and the surrounding world, children acquire the knowledge, skills and abilities necessary for their comprehensive development. The teacher plans the content, goals and objectives of working with children taking into account their age.

• Fourthly, the advantage of a child being in a children's group is that he gets rid of egocentric attitudes. A child’s egocentrism manifests itself as a desire to judge everything that happens solely from one’s own position and to deny everything that does not meet one’s own interests. Preschoolers, whose development occurs in a kindergarten, are able to take into account the position and opinion of another already at 4-4.5 years old, and with home education, egocentric attitudes disappear only by 5-6 years, and sometimes persist until 7-8 years.

Here is an example from a letter from a young mother:
“My son does not go to kindergarten. My husband and I decided that it would be better for me to stay at home with him. This way the child will avoid illnesses and will always be well-groomed. But lately I have begun to have problems raising Seryozha (he is four years old). Stopped obeying, makes various demands like: “Buy this, buy that”, “I don’t want to do this”, “Give me...”. On the street he cannot play normally with other children, he imposes his own conditions, and if the children do not agree, they use insults and threats, so much so that I feel ashamed of my son. He will never share it with anyone, even with us, parents. I thought I raised him correctly, but now I doubt it. He is growing up selfish. Please help me find a way out of this situation. Maybe it’s the home upbringing, when at first we allowed him a lot, and then tried not to pay attention to his whims, because we thought that it would go away with age.”

I could not ignore this letter, because it describes a typical situation associated with the costs of home education. If appropriate measures are not taken in time, such children grow up to be selfish, capable of stepping over any person in order to achieve their goal. In this case, it is good that the mother herself sees the reasons for her son’s selfish behavior. Indeed, in a home environment, it is not difficult for a little person to impose his will and subjugate his mother and father. Therefore, it is very important for parents to know the limits in showing their love for their child. If a child does not listen to repeated explanations of what should not be done and how much)", it is no longer possible to do without punishment. In this case, it is better to deprive the child of something good, for example, watching his favorite TV shows, a walk, etc., than to do something bad to him. Moreover It is important to explain to the child in a calm tone exactly what his actions and why led to the punishment.
The case discussed above demonstrates some of the shortcomings of home education. I think the mother might not have such problems if her son went to kindergarten, since in a group he would have to obey the general rules and norms of behavior and learn to respect the opinions of other children.
So, I have noted some psychological advantages of kindergarten education. But we should not forget about the medical and pedagogical advantages: diet, rest, walks, special classes that contribute to the full, diverse development of children. Take this into account when deciding whether to enroll your child in kindergarten.

Please take into account that the best age for a child to successfully and quickly adapt to the kindergarten regime is two to three years. This period marks the early childhood crisis, which psychologists usually call the three-year crisis. Children, trying to establish their “I”, are drawn to independence, relative autonomy of existence. They tolerate separation from their mother more easily, get used to the teacher, and learn to treat adults with respect. It is at this time that the kindergarten regime has a beneficial effect on the development of the personality of preschoolers, and their adaptation to the new social environment is less painful.

At the initial stage of a child’s adaptation to kindergarten, educators and parents should be sensitive and attentive to him. The task of parents is to mentally prepare the child for a change in environment and regime, to explain why kindergarten is needed, to emphasize that he will feel good there, and to make the process of adaptation and adaptation go more smoothly and quickly, we can advise creating a regime at home that is close to that of kindergarten.
The least favorable age for a child to enter kindergarten is four years and the interval from five to six years. At this time, the child’s development is relatively stabilized, and a sudden change in lifestyle associated with the loss of constant communication with loved ones can lead to unpleasant consequences.
It is necessary to take into account that at any age, immersion in the atmosphere of a kindergarten community can be perceived by some children as violence against the individual, as a loss of individuality. Difficult experiences can lead to negative forms of behavior: hysterics, whims, constant whining on weekends, and sometimes to somatic disorders - fever, abdominal pain and loose stools, exacerbation of chronic diseases.
Due to the reluctance to go to kindergarten, the child often resorts to manipulating his parents: he cries, is capricious, demanding a return to his previous home life. It seems to involve adults in a protracted “war”, where the question “who will win?” It is decided either in favor of the parents or in favor of the baby. The child’s actions are built approximately according to this scheme: first, requests and stories are used about how bad everything is in the kindergarten, if this does not help, tears and hysterics begin, but they do not work, there is one more remedy that the body subconsciously chooses - disease.
I’ll tell you a little later how to make the process of getting used to kindergarten easier, how to make sure that your child enjoys going to kindergarten. Now let’s try to find out the possible reasons for the child’s negative attitude towards kindergarten.

Why doesn't a child want to go to kindergarten?

There can be many reasons why a child does not want to go to kindergarten. I will focus on the most typical ones.
The most significant reason is the child’s natural reluctance to break away from his home environment and familiar surroundings.

Mother: My son never got used to kindergarten. You send them there - planets, when I come to pick them up - he runs to me with tears. The teachers say that he has been lying in his crib since 11 o'clock, does not talk to anyone, does not play, and refuses to eat. So we suffered for three weeks. They stopped taking him to kindergarten. How long can you get on his nerves? My mother had to stay at home with him.
Educator: There is one girl in my group who is smart and sensible. I don’t know what to do with her. She sits by the window all day long and just asks everyone: “When will mom come for me?” If you sit with her, talk, read books, it seems to calm down for a while. And then again for his own. But I can’t deal with her alone, I have other children in my group who also need attention and care. In this situation they find themselves abandoned.

The baby, unable to think in a time perspective, perceives every separation from his mother and family as an irreversible loss. This will last until he learns the new order of meetings and partings and gets used to the kids and teachers. After all, even a cat or dog left in the care of neighbors on weekends yearns for its owners and behaves unnaturally. What can we say about such a complex creature as man? A child does not always quickly and painlessly get used to the noise, many people, and emotional isolation of life in kindergarten. Some suffer from this for months. And being forced to go where the baby feels uncomfortable undermines his faith in parental love.
Another reason for a child’s reluctance to attend kindergarten is the painful change of regime and environment. Both classes and the daily routine in kindergarten are designed for the average age norm; they sometimes do not take into account the individual characteristics of children. In this regard, many parents are faced with the problem of difficult morning rises or the child’s complaints that certain moments of the regime, for example, quiet time, are painful for him.

Accustoming a child to a routine means forming the habit of going to bed on time and getting up on time, eating and walking according to the clock. It should be borne in mind that for every hundred children there are two or three cases of prolonged or complete maladjustment to the conditions of kindergarten. As a rule, these are the only children in the family or children who are often ill and have spent a long time at home with their mother or grandmother.

As I have already noted, the best age for a child to successfully and quickly adapt to the kindergarten regime is from two to three years. And the least favorable is four years and a period of five to six years. Do not forget about this, dear parents, when you decide to send your child to kindergarten.
Another reason why a child does not want to go to kindergarten is food that is unusual for him.

Mother: Our daughter Natasha has been going to kindergarten for the second year. The teachers complain that she eats very poorly. At home, he eats everything and in large quantities, especially when he comes home from kindergarten. I ask her: why don’t you eat in kindergarten? She is silent, doesn't say anything.
And here are the lines from another letter:
“Our son is a little boy. In kindergarten he does not eat anything, and if teachers try to feed him with a spoon, he vomits. And it’s a pity to leave the kindergarten. There they work with him well, and the teachers are sincere. But we are worried about our son. After all, it is very harmful for a child to go hungry from seven in the morning until seven in the evening.”

In kindergarten, three or four meals a day are provided, which ensures the normal functioning and performance of the child’s body. However, parents often complain that their children do not eat well in kindergarten. This is especially true for dishes such as soups and cereals. If in the home menu we can do without them for quite a long time, then the baby food diet in kindergarten requires their daily use.
Once I had the opportunity to work with a boy who, during the two-month stay of the kindergarten at the dacha, began every morning getting up with lamentations: “I don’t want porridge!..”
Why is it that our children dislike such healthy dishes as porridge and soup?
Porridge cooked with milk often burns. For kids, it is enough to try a product with the smell or taste of burnt milk once, and its appearance will become disgusting. Children begin to refuse food, because food reflexes form very quickly. It should be noted that this is not just a whim, but a persistent reaction of the body: salivation and secretion of gastric juice stop, and the urge to vomit appears. And food fed by force lingers in the stomach for a long time, causing discomfort and even pain.
Now a little about soups. Consumption of them is a rather complex and delicate matter. This dish is liquid, but you cannot drink it. Not every preschooler knows how to eat it carefully with a spoon. In addition, soups contain foods that are unappetizing from the point of view of children, such as fried onions, carrots, and fat. Many children cannot stand their taste and smell. Individual selectivity also plays an important role here. Some people don’t like fish soup, others don’t like milk or rice soup, but again there is no choice. So the kids have to sit for 30-40 minutes over a plate of cooled soup, while the whole group has already gone to the bedroom for a quiet hour. And if at home we can quite easily replace one dish with another, then doing this in kindergarten is much more difficult. There are approved nutritional standards, food products are purchased and distributed into groups in an organized manner, but replacement (for example, instead of a first course - two second courses) is not provided.

Children can transfer their dislike for certain dishes to kindergarten as a whole. The guys are not able to explain why this happened.

One of the most important and common reasons why a child may refuse to attend kindergarten is an unloved teacher. I will give examples from conversations with parents.

Mother: Anton got used to kindergarten very quickly and is friends with all the kids. And everything was fine until recently. A month ago, his teacher, Anna Nikolaevna, quit her job due to moving to a new place of residence. And it was as if our child had been replaced. He became capricious, gloomy, talks rudely to us, and generally calls the new teacher, Svetlana Ivanovna, such names. He screams that he will never go to kindergarten again. Why did she not please him so much? My husband and I liked her: young, strict, energetic, with a higher education.
Parents: In our group, as everywhere else, there are two teachers - Tatyana Alekseevna and Natalya Gennadievna. We like both of them. But children love one, and not the other. When Tatyana Alekseevna works in the evening, you can’t take the child home: “Mom, wait, I’ll play some more,” she asks. So do the other children in the group. And for some reason they are offended by Natalya Gennadievna. Not only we, but also other parents talked with their children, explained to them that they must obey their elders, and even more so the teacher, but to no avail. They still have some problems. They even wanted to write a statement with other parents, but where is the guarantee that the new teacher will not turn out even worse.

Let me remind you that there is a list of requirements that kindergartens must meet. These requirements determine the quality of child care. The list includes:

• appropriate premises and personnel;
• availability of things necessary for the child: toys, furniture, equipment;
• tasty, nutritious, well-cooked and attractive-looking food;
• educators who are cordial and friendly towards children and parents;
• equipment for exercise and training;
• ability to choose the type of activity;
• the ability of educators to interest and involve children in games and activities;
• safe equipment of premises and playgrounds;
• dietary food for children in need (weak, sick, etc.);
• encouraging children;
• regular alternation of active games and quiet activities with rest;
• participation of parents in the life of the kindergarten;
• regularly holding parent conferences (meetings) with the involvement of kindergarten staff;
• elements of novelty and originality in kindergarten programs;
• ongoing staff development programs.

From the above list, six points - more than a third of the requirements put forward - relate to the attitudes and skills of kindergarten staff.

Children keenly feel the mood and attitude of the people working in the kindergarten towards them. They instantly recognize ill will and insincerity and respond in kind, that is, by depriving them of their love and respect. Therefore, if not only your child, but also other pupils have a negative attitude towards one of the staff, the matter is not in their bad manners, but in the teacher himself.

Often those educators who, excessively fearing for the life and safety of their pupils, unreasonably limit their freedom and activity, fall into the category of unloved ones. “Stop running!”, “Where have you gone?”, “Stop waving sticks!”, “We’re only walking in the area!”, “What other game did you come up with?”, “Who gave permission?” - these are typical expressions that indicate fear of the personal responsibility of workers for the children entrusted to them.
Children of two or three years old usually obey quite easily, but among older children there will definitely be a freedom-loving person who will not put up with such restrictions. Such children can escape from the kindergarten, which further complicates their relationships with teachers.
There are cases when educators suppress the activity of individual children through punishment: children are put in the locker room if they talk during quiet time, force-fed if they do not keep up with others or refuse to eat, etc. This behavior of educators also discourages Children have a desire to attend kindergarten.
Recently, more and more often, employees of preschool institutions turn to me for advice about children whose behavior resembles snails or hermit crabs, living in their own closed little worlds and reacting to attempts to interact with them by retreating into their “shells.” They do not need collective communication, behave separately, and have no friends. The reason for what is happening is the so-called childhood loneliness - a rather terrible thing and, alas, common. Many parents, when solving financial, professional, personal and other problems, leave the baby to his own devices, limiting their relationship with him to issues of care.
Often such a child is no longer sent to kindergarten because he does not fit in with his peers.

Mother: I am raising a child alone. My husband and I separated when our daughter was not yet six months old. For some time I didn’t want to see anyone. So we lived - just me and Anya. Sometimes a friend came over. I gave my daughter to the nursery and had to pick her up. There she was shy of everyone, sat in the corner, cried, and asked to go home. My heart is not made of stone after all. Now she is four years old, and she also keeps herself aloof from everyone, separate from other children. In the yard on a walk she doesn’t approach the kids, so she sits next to me on the bench.
Educator: There is a boy in our group who is withdrawn and taciturn. I would sit alone all day. He's not a fighter, but he has no friends. He approaches children very rarely and reluctantly; he prefers to draw or look at books. His mother is a kind and sociable woman.

First of all, you need to understand that each person, including small ones, has an individual degree of expression of needs. There are people who eat significantly less than others, and not because they are on a diet, but because their need for food is not so great and satiety occurs earlier.
The same thing happens with the need for communication. For some it is stronger, for others it is weaker. And if adults can force themselves to maintain an uninteresting conversation out of politeness, then children, expressing their feelings and thoughts more openly, will simply stop communicating.
Often the reason for preference for loneliness and reluctance to go to kindergarten are traumatic circumstances. A child in kindergarten could be offended, called names, or given a nickname. After such incidents, he no longer wants to communicate with the children who offended him, and sometimes even withdraws into himself.
It happens that, while playing in kindergarten, he carelessly pushed a friend and hit him in the face with a snowball or sand. The sight of a peer's blood or tears could make a strong impression on the child's psyche. The result is a refusal to play, go for walks, or even go to kindergarten in general. And he will respond to all the entreaties of his parents with inconsolable tears.

In this case, persistence and coercion on the part of adults (parents, educators) will only hinder the restoration of the child’s mental balance. Therefore, you should be patient and try to calmly discuss this incident with your child and help him overcome his fear.

Reluctance to go to kindergarten may also stem from the child’s frequent illnesses. It's wonderful when children are healthy. Alas, this does not always happen. Ten children for every thousand newborns already suffer from one illness or another. In addition to severe somatic and mental illnesses, children are susceptible to injuries and infections. For these reasons, many children are forced to stay at home.
The behavior of a sick child differs in many ways from the behavior of a healthy child. Some children become extremely irritable, cry, scream, demand the presence of an adult and immediately drive him away, refuse toys and favorite foods, and sleep little. Others, having fallen ill, become sad and indifferent, they are overcome by apathy.
Sometimes children try to evoke pity for themselves by exaggerating their suffering.
Frequently ill children who rarely go to kindergarten have few friends, which cannot but worry their parents and teachers, and the children themselves suffer from this.

Here is an example from a letter from one teacher: “In every group there are children who often miss kindergarten due to illness. The attitude towards them in groups is special. No matter how hard you try to involve them in common games, the guys avoid them. Some consider them contagious, others believe that they are bad friends, unreliable comrades: you come to an agreement with them, and they just get sick again.”

The tendency of children to suffer from frequent illnesses creates an atmosphere of disunity around them. Girls and boys over four years of age attending the same group organize joint games that can last for several days. Each child receives his own role in them and acquires a certain social status. If a child often stays at home due to illness, he is excluded from group games. In addition, the strength of friendships between preschoolers is largely determined by the duration of their communication, so children who are often ill have few or no friends. As a result, their desire to go to kindergarten disappears, since they become bored and uninterested there; they feel lonely.
Thus, there are many reasons why children do not want to go to kindergarten. The task of parents is to help them overcome all the problems discussed above, to do everything possible so that the kids enjoy attending kindergarten.

How to fix the situation

In order for the child to quickly get used to the idea that he should go to kindergarten, and to quickly adapt to his regime, you, parents, can go in two ways.
The first way is that the child must know from the first day that he has no choice - visiting kindergarten is inevitable. Then he will direct all his efforts to finding positive aspects of what is happening.
Liberalism will only complicate the situation. If you sit in the locker room for an hour, listening to the heartbreaking cries of your child, or alternate several days in the garden with a week at home, or resort to the technique of reducing the time your child spends in a group to one and a half to two hours a day, the situation will become even more difficult for you , baby and kindergarten staff. The child may feel that his parent is not ready to leave him in the garden, that the final decision has not yet been made. This will create false hopes in him, which will only worsen the situation.
The second way is to establish an agreement with the kindergarten administration and teachers about your stay in the kindergarten with your child for some time. Try to be in the group for as long as it takes for the child to finally get used to it and learn to do without your help and support. It may take a week, a month, or even more, but then you will be completely comfortable leaving it in the garden.
Therefore, if the question of the need to send your child to kindergarten has been finally decided, you should not wait until the baby grows up and becomes independent. Learning to eat, dress, tie shoelaces, and make a crib doesn’t have to be done at home. Don't waste your efforts on drills and instructions. Better use your extra maternity leave time on more useful and relevant things.

If you are not afraid of separation from your child, most likely he will bear it more easily. Moreover, there is nothing to fear that contacts with other children will reduce the baby’s attachment to you. On the contrary, being in kindergarten will strengthen the child’s love for home and parents.

I’ll tell you a little about the organization of rises and drops. Parents often worry about how to get their child up early in the morning. After all, at home, many preschoolers stay awake until late in the evening and go to bed with adult family members. Their rise is also not regulated and happens for some at 10 am, and for others closer to lunch. The transition to a new routine begins with trying to get your baby into bed around 8 p.m. Even if this is successful, the child cannot fall asleep, and parents are forced to spend unpleasant hours at their baby’s bedside, tormenting her with requests to quickly close her eyes and fall asleep.
The body of young children is quite plastic. The restructuring of the rhythms of sleep and wakefulness occurs in two to three days. Therefore, you just have to get your baby up at the right time, and he will make up for the resulting deficit with longer daytime sleep and an early bedtime. All this will happen as a result of the body’s needs, without persuasion or violence. To make it easier for your child to wake up in the morning, turn on upbeat music or come wake him up with his favorite toy - a teddy bear, cat, monkey, etc.
The problem of a child refusing food in kindergarten can also be solved, at least partially. Do not try to feed your baby at home before sending him to kindergarten. There is nothing wrong with a child waiting until 8-9 a.m. to eat, even if he gets up at 6 or 7 a.m. The road to kindergarten, exercises and games before breakfast will only whet his appetite, which means there will be fewer whims about porridge, butter, foam and other things that are unpleasant from the child’s point of view. This is especially true for children who have poor appetite even at home. If such a child has breakfast at home, it will be almost impossible to force him to eat in a group.

It would be a good idea to warn the kindergarten staff about your child’s tastes. But this should be done in his absence, when he has gone to the playroom or is busy with other children, since such conversations seem to program the child to take appropriate actions: he will only become more capricious and insist on refusing food, explaining this in the words of his mother or grandmothers.

At first, you can give your baby an apple or carrot with you. If, having given up an unloved food, he gets hungry, he can eat this supply. Just don't give him chocolate, sweets and cookies. After sweets, the child will not even eat his favorite foods. And other guys will look at him with envy.
Educators should use play situations more often to create children's interest in eating food, and not just force them to eat everything they should. Thus, a call to quickly free Parsley, shown on the plate, from the soup will have a faster effect on children than threats and attempts to forcefully spoon-feed, which cause retaliatory aggression on the part of the children.
A few words about children with poor appetite. For a significant number of people, the need for food is somewhat reduced compared to the generally accepted norm. The concept of normal is generally very vague: from the point of view of a European or an American, we eat an outrageous amount, but the population of Scandinavia or the indigenous inhabitants of the mountains would consider the amount of food we consume to be insufficient. Therefore, if your child eats less than you, or less than what is required, this does not mean that he is malnourished. If his health does not deteriorate, there is no reason to worry.
Let me give you one example. The famous gymnast Olga Korbut ate very little until she was twelve: in the morning she drank black coffee without sugar, at lunch she ate an apple and a piece of gray bread. This type of nutrition did not interfere with the intensive physical training of the girl, who was preparing for performances at the European and World Championships.
In addition, appetite is just one of the signs of our body's need for food. His satisfaction is affected by both the amount of food taken and its calorie content. Watch your child carefully; maybe he is gaining the amount of calories necessary for growth and development by eating too many sweets available to him. Nutritionists have calculated that two ice creams are equivalent in calories to a full lunch. In the same way, having swallowed two or three candies, a waffle, and three cookies before lunch, the baby is quite capable of doing without the second and even without the first and second courses combined.
But there are children who eat poorly in kindergarten. The reasons for this behavior can be very different. They need to be analyzed separately in each specific situation. I will only note that if a child reaches his quota during an evening meal at home, it means that this is his individual way of solving the problem. Of course, parents may be unhappy with this state of affairs, but there is nothing wrong with that.

Perhaps adults should talk to the teacher about the baby's table neighbors. The reason may be that they say something at the table that is offensive to your child.

The baby may be embarrassed by an unusual environment. If at home he eats in the kitchen or likes to do it while listening to music, if his feeding is traditionally accompanied by reading books or watching TV shows, at first in kindergarten he may refuse food simply because he lacks the usual stimuli, because there are children who for this reason it is impossible to feed at a party. Over time, this problem resolves itself, so don’t worry if your child loses his appetite in the first weeks of being in kindergarten.
All this indicates that the fears and worries of mothers and grandmothers are mostly exaggerated. A normal situation in the garden and at home will soon resolve the situation, and you will do without visiting pediatricians and nutritionists, “interrogations with passion” about what was given at the kindergarten for breakfast or lunch today and whether you ate everything. We must remember that food should be enjoyable, and a child’s fatness is not always an indicator of his health.
The problem of a child’s dislike for teachers is a little more difficult to solve. To win over children, the teacher must be able to encourage children’s initiative and activity, interest them in joint play activities, and use positive means of stimulation and control of their behavior. Some people succeed easily; for others, similar experience comes over the years.
If your child does not get along with the teacher, it is quite cruel to reproach the child for rudeness and bad manners. The little man already has a hard time. Not every group of preschoolers is able to find something to do that would be interesting, exciting and would not cause any complaints from the staff. Most often, children need the guiding, guiding force of a teacher. The teacher’s inability or unwillingness to work with the group leads to increased discontent among children and may serve as a reason for their refusal to go to kindergarten.

In such cases, parents should consider transferring the child to another group or kindergarten. After all, children's whims and other forms of protest are never groundless.

At the same time, it is extremely important for preschoolers to know that they are worthy of parental love. The bad thing is that children are forced to communicate with an unloved teacher who is psychologically rejected by them. But it's even worse when the people they love lose their patience and get angry with them for not expressing their feelings openly. Children's emotions are like an awl in a bag that cannot be hidden. If preschoolers could control their emotions, they would become adults. Therefore, try to quickly find out the reason for the child’s dissatisfaction, and knowing it, decide what you will do to help him. Otherwise, the notorious happy childhood will be poisoned by heart-wrenching experiences and mental suffering.
Some children are teased and bullied in kindergartens, and therefore they refuse to go there. Parents will most effectively help a timid child not by protecting him at every step, but by encouraging, supporting and instilling faith in himself.
Letters often contain requests from parents like this:

“I would really like your advice on how to teach children to behave when they are severely teased, and how to prevent them from teasing others.”

Most often, boys are fans of teasing. What is this connected with? Boys are naturally more aggressive than most girls, but at the same time, as a natural precaution, they also have a more advanced system for controlling aggressiveness, the further development of which parents and educators must pay attention to.
Teasing can be very painful for the psyche of a small and impressionable person. After all, he had lived too little in the world to develop a “skin thick” enough for all sorts of tricks and learn not to pay attention to ridicule; and the child begins to understand that they are laughing at him very early and quite acutely experiences his humiliation and defenselessness.
How can you, as parents, protect a child who is being teased or bullied? There is usually no benefit from changing kindergarten or place of residence. Every kindergarten has its own scoffer and bully, who will certainly show himself within an hour or two after your baby remains in the children's group.
Is it possible to protect children from ridicule purely physically? Sometimes yes, much more often no. Kindergarten bullies can be stopped while the child's parent is nearby, but once the parent is gone, the ban usually doesn't last long.
If you look at this problem more closely, you can understand that self-confident, more independent children who do not “hold on to their mother’s skirt” will never allow themselves to be offended. A mother, whose heightened sense of anxiety forces her to overprotect her child, can instill in him the feeling that only next to her he is safe, while other people are dangerous.

If a mother, after listening to the complaints of a crying and frightened baby, begins to worry and speak of his tormentor with exaggerated indignation, the child may develop an inadequate impression of the danger to which he was exposed and which he may be exposed to again.

Mom shouldn't behave like that. It is better to divert the baby’s attention to something else, interesting, and be calm yourself, while demonstrating confidence that everything will be fine. If your child just can’t calm down, teach him how to cope with ridicule more easily and with dignity, or how to better fight back if the need arises. As one of the options, advise him not to show that he is offended, or demonstratively not to pay attention to the offender, or to calmly, with dignity, tell the mocker: “Leave me alone, I’m not offending you - and don’t touch me.” And kindergarten teachers should not look indifferently at how some children tease and offend others. You can do different things: scold in the presence of the whole group those children who tease so that they feel ashamed of it, or engage them in another activity in order to divert their attention from the unwanted situation. Everything depends on the specific case and requires an individual approach.
In this way, both you, parents, and educators can help smooth out unpleasant situations that discourage children from attending preschool institutions, and do everything possible to ensure that children enjoy going to kindergarten.

The best age for a child to enter kindergarten and to successfully and quickly get used to it is from two to three years. The least favorable age for a child to enter kindergarten is four years and a period from five to six years. At this time, the child’s development is relatively stabilized, and a sudden change in lifestyle associated with the loss of constant communication with loved ones can lead to unpleasant consequences.

It is necessary to take into account that at any age, immersion in the atmosphere of a kindergarten community can be perceived by some children as violence against the individual, as a loss of individuality. Difficult experiences can lead to negative forms of behavior: hysterics, whims, constant whining on weekends, and sometimes to somatic disorders - fever, abdominal pain and loose stools, exacerbation of chronic diseases.

Due to the reluctance to go to kindergarten, the child often resorts to manipulating his parents: he cries, is capricious, demanding a return to his previous home life. It seems to involve adults in a protracted “war”, where the question “who will win?” It is decided either in favor of the parents or in favor of the baby. The child’s actions are built approximately according to this scheme: first, requests and stories are used about how bad everything is in the kindergarten, if this does not help, tears and hysterics begin, but they do not work, there remains one more remedy that the body subconsciously chooses - illness .

How to make the process of getting used to kindergarten easier? How to make sure that your child enjoys going to kindergarten?

First, let's try to find out the possible reasons for the child's negative attitude towards kindergarten.

And so, there may be many reasons why a child does not want to go to kindergarten. Let's look at the most typical ones.

The most significant reason is the child’s natural reluctance to break away from his home environment and familiar surroundings. The baby, unable to think in a time perspective, perceives every separation from his mother and family as an irreversible loss. This will last until he learns the new order of meetings and partings and gets used to the kids and teachers. And in this case, parents and educators need to be patient.

Another reason for a child’s reluctance to attend kindergarten is the painful change of regime and environment. Both classes and the daily routine in kindergarten are designed for the average age norm; they sometimes do not take into account the individual characteristics of children. In this regard, many parents are faced with the problem of difficult morning rises or the child’s complaints that certain moments of the regime, for example, quiet time, are painful for him.

Another reason why a child does not want to go to kindergarten is food that is unusual for him.

In kindergarten, three to four meals a day are provided, which ensures the normal functioning and performance of the child’s body. however, parents often complain that their children do not eat well in kindergarten. This is especially true for dishes such as soups and cereals. If in the home menu we can do without them for quite a long time, then the baby food diet in kindergarten requires their daily use. Not all children are used to and love eating these dishes. Individual selectivity also plays an important role here. Some people don’t like semolina or buckwheat porridge; Some people don’t like fish or pea soup, but again there is no choice. If at home we can quite easily replace one dish with another, then doing this in kindergarten is much more difficult. There are approved nutritional standards, food products are purchased and distributed into groups in an organized manner, but replacement (for example, instead of a first course - two second courses) is not provided.

One of the most important and common reasons why a child may refuse to attend kindergarten is an unloved teacher.

Children of two or three years old usually obey quite easily, but among older children there will definitely be a freedom-loving person who will not put up with such restrictions. Such children can escape from kindergarten, which further complicates their relationships with teachers.

Often the reason for reluctance to go to kindergarten is traumatic circumstances. Other children might have offended a child in kindergarten, called him names, or given him a nickname. After such incidents, he no longer wants to communicate with the children who offended him, and sometimes even withdraws into himself.

It happens that, while playing in kindergarten, he carelessly pushed a friend and hit him in the face with a snowball or sand. The sight of a peer's blood or tears could make a strong impression on the child's psyche. The result is a refusal to play, go for walks, or even go to kindergarten in general.

Reluctance to go to kindergarten may also stem from the child’s frequent illnesses.

Frequently ill children who rarely go to kindergarten have few friends, which cannot but worry their parents and teachers, and the children themselves suffer from this.

The tendency of children to suffer from frequent illnesses creates an atmosphere of disunity around them. Children over four years old attending the same group organize joint games that can last for several days. Each child receives his own role in them and acquires a certain social status. If a child often stays at home due to illness, he is excluded from group games. In addition, the strength of friendships between preschoolers is largely determined by the duration of their communication, so children who are often ill have few or no friends. As a result, their desire to go to kindergarten disappears, since they become bored and uninterested there; they feel lonely.

Thus, there are many reasons why children do not want to go to kindergarten. The task of parents is to help them overcome all the problems discussed above, to do everything possible so that the kids enjoy attending kindergarten.

I don’t know what to do anymore. The child is 3 years old, refuses to go to kindergarten, tears and hysterics, cannot tear himself away from his mother, is very attached to me. No matter what I’ve done, the child just doesn’t want to go to kindergarten. I myself am already worried that he screams and cries there when I leave and leave him there. My heart breaks, I send her to kindergarten, and I myself go with tears in my eyes. Maybe it's too early for him?

Victoria Vinnikova, teacher, answers:

Hello, Lena. We understand you. On the one hand, I want to feel sorry for the baby, and at the same time it is necessary that he attend kindergarten.

Parents go to great lengths to “persuade” their child to go to kindergarten. Someone equips the baby with a whole backpack of toys. Others have long conversations like: “You will go to kindergarten, and mom will go to work.”

And it also happens that the older child happily ran to kindergarten, but the younger one does not want to go to kindergarten. Why does this happen, what determines the desire or unwillingness to go to kindergarten? From a child, kindergarten, teacher or something else?

If a child does not want to go to kindergarten, the forum for young mothers is often the first place parents go for advice. But the fact is that children are different, so there is no guarantee that what works for other moms will work for you. At first it seemed to work, but then time passes, and you still drag him in your arms to kindergarten, and he kicks and cries and doesn’t want to go.

Let's figure out why a child doesn't want to go to kindergarten, with the help of System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.

So, why doesn’t a child want to go to kindergarten?

The adaptation process depends on many factors, including the innate characteristics of the baby’s psyche (vectors). When a child does not want to go to kindergarten, there are general obvious reasons and private ones related to the individual characteristics of the child’s psyche.

Let's look at everything in order.

Reason #1. Adaptation and daily routine

It is important to understand that when a child does not want to go to kindergarten, adaptation to the new stage of his life should occur gradually. The habit does not arise immediately; in any case, kindergarten is always stressful for such a “little one”, because he is separated from his mother for a long time.

All children go through this period, but the owners of different vectors have their own characteristics. For example, children with an anal vector get used to changing conditions more difficult than others. But if they have adapted, then, on the contrary, it is difficult to take them home; they get carried away and become attached to the children and the teacher.

Children with the skin vector adapt more easily than others. They easily and happily join new groups and switch from a home atmosphere to a play environment in a children's group.

But children with a visual vector have a hard time experiencing any separation from their mother, crying pitifully or throwing tantrums.

See more details about individual features.

In any case, parents must accustom their child to the kindergarten regime at least a month before visiting it. If the butuz has not had enough sleep, then, naturally, he will be capricious when he gets ready for kindergarten. There are some children who are simply brought to the garden while sleeping. Of course, blaming the little one for being capricious is at least unreasonable.

Reason #2. Skills

Around the age of 2-3, a little person already learns to help his mother: he eats himself, puts things on himself, puts away toys, and so on. But often mothers, in order not to waste time - quickly, quickly - dress the slow baby themselves. Thus, they interfere with the formation of independence skills. And so, in kindergarten he stands out among other children for his inability, which also upsets him.
So, first of all, check your baby’s skills and praise him for his first steps towards independence.

In addition, if a child participates in getting ready for kindergarten, that is, he makes his own efforts - ties his shoelaces, chooses what clothes he should wear today, helps his mother open the door to kindergarten - then he no longer perceives kindergarten as hard labor: he is not forced, he he himself is involved in this.

IMPORTANT! Reason #3. Food

A child in kindergarten is under bondage and may be forced to eat. Sometimes to the point of vomiting. He will not be able to tell you about this, but he will feel violence and enormous psychological discomfort. The child may not even remember that today he had to choke on the hated porridge, but this experience greatly affects his attitude towards kindergarten.

Needless to say, a child cannot be forced to eat at home either - this is a huge psychological trauma that affects the child’s entire future life. Therefore, be sure to warn your loved ones and the teacher so that your child is not force-fed.

Reason #4. Teacher

The child does not want to go to kindergarten - talk to the teacher.

By the way, when a child does not want to go to kindergarten, Komarovsky focuses on the fact that the main thing is what kind of teacher is in the kindergarten, and we completely agree with him on this.

But how do you understand how good a teacher is?

This can be understood from your observations and from a conversation with your baby. Of course, you shouldn’t take everything at face value, but you need to listen carefully to the child. Try to understand what emotions he experiences when communicating with the teacher. At the same time, carefully ask questions and, through a positive approach, find out from the child what they did in kindergarten.

You can also invite your child to play in kindergarten: he will be the teacher, and the bears and dolls will be the children. How the child behaves during this game and how he relates to toys gives the most complete picture of the conditions in which the child grows up in the garden.

Be sure to ask the teacher how your child behaves in kindergarten. How he communicates with other children, how he eats.

Of course, the best teacher for a child is a developed skin-visual woman: soft, adoring children. It is she, thanks to her sensuality, who teaches children to create emotional connections. After all, children are still too young to understand anything consciously. It is the emotional, kind teacher who, through fairy tales and her own example, awakens children’s interest in understanding the world and helps to correctly build the first connections in the children’s team.

In fact, when choosing a kindergarten, look for a kind and gentle teacher who will show the children “what is good and what is bad.” With the knowledge gained during the training, you can easily determine which teacher works at the call of her heart, and which one is mistakenly in her place and has a negative impact on children.

In general, a child in kindergarten is a whole complex of issues, but there is the most important one.

Reason #5. Mother's internal state

The main thing is the mother’s internal state.

One of the discoveries of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan is the disclosure of the mechanism of complete dependence of the child’s condition on the mother’s condition. In terms of system-vector psychology this is called.

When a child does not want to go to kindergarten, in fact it is not a so-and-so child. He is still too young to make any conscious decisions. His entire state comes from feelings and sensations that he literally reads from his mother. The mother is nervous or anxious - the child reacts to this according to his vectors. This does not mean that he will also be nervous or anxious. He will manifest it in his own way.

The visual “dreamer” will throw tantrums, the baby with the anal vector will sulk and be stubborn, and the one with the skin vector, a sort of “fidget”, will spin in all directions and show hyperactivity. In fact, the baby simply picks up the wave of the mother’s state and reacts through its innate properties.

Also pay your attention to a weekday morning: what mood the household members are in, how they are getting ready for kindergarten. Don't they look like a commotion? If the mother is nervous, in a hurry, or worried about being late, then the child may develop a negative attitude towards kindergarten for a long time.

As soon as a mother begins to understand the innate psychological characteristics of the baby, it is easy for her to choose her own method. The child becomes calm, and, as a result, he adapts to new conditions faster. In general, against the backdrop of a feeling of security and safety, the child develops very well.

Online, you can become your own psychologist and make your child happy.

The article was written using materials from online training on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan
Chapter:

Some parents, clenching their will into a fist, forcibly drag their child out of the house, screaming “I don’t want to go to kindergarten!” Others, having given in to the onslaught of children's tears, turn back and begin to hastily think about where they can “place” the baby today. Both the first and second options are not the best solution, since you still have to go to the garden, but you don’t want to get up every morning crying and in a bad mood.

Loving mothers and fathers dream of seeing their children happy and calm, and for this they need to understand the causes of the problem. Often, concerned adults first of all blame the kindergarten workers, who, in their opinion, do not treat the pupils well enough. However, the reasons for a child’s protest may be completely different, so you should not immediately run with complaints and deal with the teacher or manager in a raised voice.

5 reasons for a child to refuse kindergarten

1. The child will have to go through a difficult period of adaptation to a new way of life, environment, and daily routine. If at home the baby can get up at any time, the mother and other close people are ready to give him their attention at any moment, then in kindergarten everything changes radically.

Children are faced with an unfamiliar room, strange aunts, strange children with whom they have to contact like it or not, as well as new rules and new food. The child is not given as much personal attention as he is accustomed to, and at the same time he does not see his family for many hours. Most children react painfully to this and do not want to go where they are uncomfortable.

In order to at least slightly prepare the little man for the upcoming changes, parents should begin to accustom him to a clear schedule in advance (organize getting up, eating and sleeping at the same time).

2. Reluctance to go to kindergarten may be due to difficulties communicating with other children. Each child is individual. If one quickly finds a common language with peers, then the other prefers to play alone or with one or two children who he likes, because of this, conflicts also arise.

conflicts. Some children sometimes choose one of their peers as a target for ridicule. The reason for this may be non-standard appearance, unusual behavior, or even personal achievements.

In such a case, parents cannot control the situation - it is generally impossible to force other children to stop teasing. Here you need to work with YOUR child, teach him to defend himself and respond adequately to ridicule. The little man will have to prepare for the fact that in life he will not always have loving parents and pleasant, friendly people nearby.

3. Dislike for kindergarten may be explained by the fact that the child does not like a specific action, event, or rule. For example, a baby may not like food, the obligatory nap at lunch, the process of dressing/undressing for a walk, drawing, or the fact that next to him there is a crib of a boy with whom he is not friends. It is necessary to determine the source of irritation, and make a decision based on this.
4. Sometimes the reason for hysterics lies not in the kindergarten, but in family problems. In families where adults are quarreling or about to divorce, children are deeply worried about what is happening. Protests against going to kindergarten are one of the manifestations of a child’s psycho-emotional stress.
5. And, of course, we cannot exclude the problem of an “unloved” teacher. Difficult relationships with teachers are “to blame” for hatred of kindergarten in about 30% of cases, and the source of the problem can be both the teacher and the child.

Of course, there are mentors that children want to escape from. Usually these are overly demanding educators with an authoritarian style who do not know how to approach a child and demand unquestioning obedience. It is not easy for little fidgets to follow all the rules in a new place, and an inept, unbalanced teacher is not able to find a compromise, as a result of which conflicts arise.

On the other hand, for the sake of objectivity, it should be noted that the child himself can create a problem (who other than the parents knows how difficult it is sometimes with him). It is especially difficult to work with hyperactive, aggressive and spoiled children who do not obey general requirements and sometimes deliberately provoke teachers.

In such cases, parents have two options - change kindergarten (if they cannot establish a relationship with the teacher) or contact a child psychologist if correction of the child’s behavior is required.

Separately, it should be mentioned that nervous behavior can be explained by age-related characteristics. So, according to psychologists, at the age of 2–2.5 years, children are not yet very interested in their peers, so they really miss their mother in the garden. After 3–4 years, the baby is ready to slowly “break away” from his mother’s skirt and make new acquaintances, so at this age, getting used to kindergarten usually goes faster and easier.

What does a children's protest look like?

Having dealt with the probable reasons for dislike for kindergarten, let’s pay attention to the children’s reaction. To change the situation for the better, parents need to know how to behave depending on the type of protest.

• Most often, children express their dissatisfaction with words. Some quite calmly talk at home about what doesn’t suit them in kindergarten life, others throw tantrums without explaining a clear reason (“I don’t want!”, “I won’t go!”). In any case, parents need to talk to the child, first calming him down.
• Often, verbal complaints are accompanied by crying, and the baby may try to influence with tears intentionally, counting on parental pity. You shouldn’t give in to this feeling, because it won’t help your case in any way. As in the previous case, the child needs to be reassured and try to find out what exactly is bothering him.
• It’s worse when children withdraw into themselves, especially since for some time parents may not be aware of the problem. Increased irritability and aggressiveness, poor sleep, enuresis, increased frequency of acute respiratory infections - all this can be associated with visiting a kindergarten. In such cases, parents are not always able to get an answer from the child about what is happening. Most likely, you will need the help of a psychologist.

5 arguments “FOR” kindergarten

When a child is hysterical and does not want to go to kindergarten, some parents think about whether they really need kindergarten. Let's stay longer on maternity leave, call our grandmother from the village, or push ourselves harder and hire a nanny...

Of course, the final decision depends on the individual characteristics of the family, but parents should consider the following important arguments in favor of education in kindergarten:

1. Social adaptation and communication with other children. Your child will not be able to live his whole life only next to you, where he is loved and cherished. Ahead lies school and adult life, where you need to be able to coexist next to other people, who are not always good. The kindergarten provides excellent initial training, during which the little man learns to solve his first problems.
2. Personal development, gaining knowledge and experience. It is rare that parents have a sufficient level of knowledge and skills in various areas. Therefore, the kindergarten has more opportunities for children to learn. There they receive their first knowledge about the world around them, engage in physical education, creativity, etc.
3. Development of independence. At home, children are constantly under parental care, while in kindergarten they are motivated to quickly learn everything themselves. They don’t want to lag behind their peers who know how to dress themselves, make their own crib, sculpt beautiful toys from plasticine, etc.
4. Hardening. Sitting at home, children are protected to a certain extent from the influence of the external environment. It is true that once many children enter kindergarten, they begin to get sick more often. But the problem lies not in the institution itself, but in reduced immunity. If a child sits at home, the immune defense is not trained, and subsequently he will get sick just as often at school, and kindergarten “hardening” (which primarily means preventive measures) helps strengthen the immune system.
5. Opportunities for parents. The child, of course, remains in first place, but this does not mean that adults need to give up on their plans, including career ones. While the child is under reliable supervision in the garden, mom and dad can safely do other important things.

In kindergarten, the child gains invaluable experience, so it is worth making efforts to overcome temporary difficulties.

6 tips for parents: what to do if your child doesn’t want to go to kindergarten

It happens that a child went to kindergarten absolutely calmly for the first time, but from the next day he began to throw tantrums. Perhaps you assumed that you would have to endure the complaints for a week or two, but now a month has passed, and the problem remains. Psychologists advise to be patient - the adaptation period can take up to 3-4 months.

But, of course, this does not mean that you just need to wait - parents need to act. Your task is to find and eliminate the cause of dissatisfaction. If you can’t do this on your own, you need to contact an experienced child psychologist. The specialist will be able to “talk” the child or determine the source of the problem using tests.

The solution to the problem will be individual depending on the main problem, but in any case you should adhere to the following rules:

1. Provide the same daily routine (close to the kindergarten schedule) throughout the week, including weekends (you can make small “indulgences”). If the tantrums drag on, sometimes take a “vacation” - try to pick up the baby early for a while or take a “day off” from kindergarten during the week.
2. Be patient with whims during adaptation - most likely, this is how the baby reacts to increased psychological stress. Try to calm and distract your child with interesting activities.
3. Create a calm environment at home - the child should know that everything is fine at home, they love him, they are waiting for him and will always support him.
4. In front of your child, never speak badly about the kindergarten and its employees, try to form a good attitude towards the kindergarten.
5. Build relationships with teachers, take an interest in how the child behaves, how he communicates with other children, eats, sleeps, etc. A psychologist may recommend that parents spend a few hours in the garden with their child at first.
6. To make it easier for your baby to adapt, give him some small toy with you that will remind him of home and mom.

In some cases, to eliminate psychosomatic disorders such as insomnia, anxiety, irritability, the child may be prescribed sedatives, for example, Tenoten for Children. The doctor’s task is to select a drug that is well tolerated and has a minimum of contraindications.