Hello, dear readers! Absolutely any woman can develop an aversion to men. It seems that there are no prerequisites for this, just “something went wrong.” As a rule, girls may even realize the need for love, strive, some want children, but at the same time they unconsciously push away men, partners, or simply cannot look at the opposite sex. Not everyone suits them.

Today I will tell you about disgust for men - the reasons for the feeling, methods of dealing with it, and much more from the world of psychology that may be useful.

Childhood

Nothing ever happens by chance in the human psyche. Each has its own reasons. However, not every girl can independently understand why changes are happening to her.

The most hidden from understanding are the origins of the problem that lie hidden in a person’s childhood. It seems that these are things of a long time ago, you don’t think about them and in no way blame your parents for “wrong upbringing.”

However, a bad relationship with the father or just one ugly act related to the relationship between parents can negatively affect the future fate of the child. The saddest thing is that you may not even remember the incident. The psyche reliably blocks those memories that bring special suffering. Such events move to . All that remains are conclusions: “Men are dangerous,” “Don’t get involved,” “They’re nothing but trouble.”

The best way to cope with this phenomenon is a psychologist. He brings your past to the surface and tries to change your attitude towards it in the present.

The influence of parents can be not only temporary; sometimes they exert constant pressure on. The mother begins to shift her negative experience onto the teenager, sharing with him information that is inappropriate for this age, for example, about or talking about some negative aspects of marriage.

It seems to a woman that she is just sharing information, not realizing that at this age we are not inclined to “simply perceive,” be critical and analyze what is happening based on our own experience. We perceive any story or judgment as an element of learning and transfer it to our lives, especially if we hear it from what we think is a reliable source.

As a result, a mother or even an overly caring father can instill in a girl a firm judgment that nothing good should be expected from men. This is where disgust arises.

Hormonal changes

In some cases, a negative attitude towards the male sex may be associated with the transition to Women are more fortunate, as their body shows this.

Leads to a reassessment of values, a change of priorities, and even... This is a big shock for the psyche. If a woman is not mentally ready for transformation, then this results in psychological problems. She begins to draw incorrect conclusions and may become disgusted with men.

Negative experience

Women also often encounter problems with their loved ones. This is a protective property of the psyche. Each person builds his or her understanding of the world based on their experiences, which are not always positive.

Finding yourself in a completely new country, you will compare the landscapes with those that you are used to seeing at home. It's the same with men. After a difficult breakup, you study the actions of any new partner through the prism of the experience gained: “He also behaved well at first,” “My ex gave me flowers after the betrayal.”

It is difficult to say when this period of comparison passes. Everything is individual. Some girls try, others remain in this state for many years. Naturally, the older a woman is, the more difficult it is for her psyche to restructure.

Special cases

There are “special” cases when a girl experiences disgust for no apparent reason, for example, if she stays for a long time. She begins to get used to this state and subconsciously finds the positive aspects of her existence. In order not to experience discomfort and suffering, her psyche adapts to the current state of affairs and suggests disgust for men.

The girl herself does not understand why this happens, but only observes the results.

As I already said, nothing happens for nothing in human behavior. The best way to get rid of the judgment that brings you trouble is to talk to a psychologist. He will be able to find a specific problem and help change his worldview.

In the meantime, I can recommend, no matter how funny it may sound, to read books about,. " Morgan's Way" Colin McCullough, " Vicious circle" Wilbur Smith, " Survivor Hugh Glass"Elizabeth Buta are excellent examples of literature on this topic.

This may seem funny to you, but in some cases this method helps get rid of disgust. Don't forget to also subscribe to the newsletter. See you again and good luck.

After starting a relationship with him, I abandoned my friends, and now the connection can no longer be restored. And in general, his whole life revolved around him, fixated on him. She no longer had her own interests, her own opinions.

He asked me for forgiveness for taking 6 years from me, but it didn’t end in anything (it didn’t make it any easier).
Life is not a joy. I walk, eat, sleep like a robot.

Friends said: he is not created for family life and will never change, he will cheat sooner or later. But I didn't listen. I was probably the most patient of all his girls.

This summer he said that he did not want to get married. I was so upset, I burst into tears. And after 5 minutes he laughed, hugged me and said he was joking.
I know that it’s not my thoughts that won’t let me go, but I who won’t let go of them. It’s hard when the world you’ve lived in for so long and got used to collapses in one moment. My mood changes 100 times a day: if I remember a bad one, my mood lifts, I think that I deserve better treatment than I had, but a minute later I remember happy moments and that’s it. At such moments, you idealize him, you think that he is the best and you will never meet him again. When I was indignant at his behavior, he said: I behave with you the way you allow. I got away with too much. It was very disappointing to hear: I want 3 children, but when will you have time to give birth? And I began to calculate how old I was now, what the intervals between births should be, and at what age the last pregnancy would be. He talked about it as if it were a thing, as if I was somehow inferior, defective.

I myself sometimes had thoughts of breaking up, but I pushed them away, I didn’t have the courage. Still, I got used to it after 6 years. I’m angry with myself: he didn’t hide his attitude, sometimes he spoke directly to my face, but I kept hoping.
Everyone says it's for the better. My friends are now even glad that this happened; before they were afraid to talk about it, just so as not to be to blame for the quarrel (they felt that something was wrong, they didn’t like our relationship from the outside).
I envy him: he continues to study, work, communicate with friends and girls, and takes everything from life. And I sit at home and suffer from memories.
Now it’s a little better than at first, I now know that our parting is for the better and there is no happiness in sight, but now the pain is aching, nagging. The head understands (most likely there would be no happiness with him), but the heart and soul do not accept. I blame myself for that conversation, if I hadn’t started it, we would be together now.
I stooped to spying: I see who he comments on on social networks, which of his girlfriends are online.
Tips: forgive and let him go, wish him happiness irritate me. At least I can't think so now. I feel resentment, anger, hatred towards him.
My favorite holiday is approaching, but I’m not in the mood. He will have fun from the heart...
I don't want to live. I would fall asleep and not wake up. Hands dropped. I don't want to work or study. I can't live without him.
How could this happen, because even 1 day before the breakup he called at work and said that he loved him? It turns out that it was not love, but a habit, these words meant nothing to him? How to continue living and enjoying life? How can I get him out of my head?

Sorry for writing so much, it's accumulated. Thank you in advance!
Answer
Relationships sometimes end. This means he has nothing more to give you. This has nothing to do with the fact that you don't deserve it. This does not mean that you were betrayed, deceived, thrown out, this is only your interpretation, you want revenge. A feeling of resentment and injustice has bonded you with him now, and the pleasant moments that you remember “help” you maintain the role of a victim and justify the suffering. His whole life was around him, he had no opinion, no desires. He owes you for these sacrifices, but he up and left, he doesn’t need the merger, or he has grown out of it, it’s cramped and difficult for him in such relationships. You need to see what happened differently, but this is not easy, because power through manipulation is important to you. I know that you will reject everything I write now, so read it again in six months, a year. Your next relationship will be problematic, you need to work with yourself.

In the life of almost every person, sooner or later a breakup occurs. Our life is structured in such a way that from time to time we have to part with something or someone. Sometimes it overtakes us suddenly, and sometimes naturally, when the relationship has already become obsolete.

But, as a rule, parting is always a painful process, especially if you have to separate from a loved one. It's like falling into a deep hole full of sadness, pain and disappointment. And sometimes at this moment you can’t even believe that someday you will find a way out of this “valley of tears.” But no matter how much it seems to us that the whole world is collapsing, we must not forget that all this is temporary.

It is difficult to get used to the idea of ​​loss, and sometimes it seems completely impossible. Looking forward is scary, but looking back is painful.

In psychology, separation is called the loss of a relationship. In 1969, American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced a system that came to be known as the “5 Stages of Loss,” the experience after a breakup before we are ready for a new relationship.

5 stages of loss

1. Stage – denial

This is a state of shock when it hasn’t “reached us” yet. At this stage, what happened is simply “not believable.” The head seems to understand, but the feelings seem to be frozen. It seems like you should be sad and bad, but you don’t.

2. Stage of expressing feelings

After the initial awareness of what happened, we begin to get angry. This is a difficult phase in which pain, resentment, and anger are mixed. Anger can be obvious and open, or it can hide somewhere inside under the guise of irritation or physical ailment.

Anger can also be directed at a situation, another person, or oneself. In the latter case, we are talking about auto-aggression, which is also called guilt. Try not to blame yourself!

Also, very often an internal ban on aggression is activated - in this case, the work of loss is inhibited. If we do not allow ourselves to be angry, then we “get stuck” at this stage and cannot let go of the situation. If the anger has not been expressed and the loss has not been mourned, then you can get stuck in this stage and live like that for the rest of your life. You need to allow all the feelings to come out and it is due to this that relief and healing occurs.

3. Stage of dialogue and bargaining

This is where we are overwhelmed with a lot of thoughts about what and how we could have done differently. We come up with a variety of ways to deceive ourselves, to believe in the possibility of returning a lost relationship, or to console ourselves that all is not lost. It's like we're on a swing. At this stage of loss, we are somewhere between fear of the future and the inability to live in the past.

To start a new life, you need to end the old one.

4. Stage of depression

The stage comes when the psyche no longer denies what happened, and an understanding also comes that it is pointless to look for those to blame or sort things out. The fact of separation, the loss of something valuable that was in this relationship, has happened. Everything has already happened, nothing can be changed.

At this stage, we mourn the loss, miss what was so important and necessary. And we have no idea how to live further - we simply exist.

5. Acceptance stage

Slowly we begin to crawl out of the quagmire of pain and sadness. We look around, looking for new meanings and ways to live. Of course, thoughts about what was lost still visit us, but now we are already able to think about why and why all this happened to us. We draw conclusions, learn to live independently and enjoy something new. New people and new events appear in life.

How long does each stage of separation last?

From a few days to several months, and some even years. For each case, these numbers are individual, since this is influenced by various factors: the duration and intensity of the relationship, the reason for the separation. Often different emotional stages flow smoothly into each other or repeat.

In addition, everyone’s behavior and attitude towards this critical event is individual. While some experience this grief for months, others quickly find a new adventure to quickly forget about the separation. And it is very important to give yourself enough time to survive the breakup in order to accept, realize, transform the situation and learn a life lesson.

The common truth is known: “Any difficult situation, any crisis is not a “misfortune”, but a test. A challenge is an opportunity to grow, to take a step towards personal excellence and a better life.”

To improve your emotional state, do not allow yourself to be “lazy” and close yourself within four walls. Let every day bring something new, let it be filled with actions, deeds, trips, meetings, new discoveries and little pleasures. Go wherever there is nature, sun, children's laughter, where people smile and laugh.

Don't ignore your health

Grief has many physiological manifestations, causing insomnia, apathy, loss of appetite, disorders of the gastrointestinal tract, cardiovascular system, and provokes a decrease in the body’s protective properties.

See a Psychotherapist

In case of an unfinished separation, the help of a psychotherapist is required, since the trauma of losing a loved one continues to destroy life, taking away his inner strength. If you feel pain, resentment, anger, worry, irritability, or anxiety when remembering the breakup, then the breakup is still not over.

Psychotherapy is aimed at helping a person go through all stages of experiencing loss. The psychologist helps the client to recognize and express previously suppressed feelings using body-oriented therapy methods (based on working with the body and emotions).

With love, your Angela Lozyan

You may feel extreme hatred towards your ex-partner or divorced spouse, and often this hatred makes you feel even worse. When you're trying to recover from a breakup, it's important to give yourself time to process your emotions and move on with your life. Such a step will help turn hatred towards your ex-partner into some positive, and perhaps even useful emotions, and, finally, get rid of anger.

Steps

Part 1

1. Write down your feelings on paper. Take a piece of paper and spend some time pouring out the reasons for your feelings of hatred towards your ex-partner. This could be because of something he or she did to you, or even because of a decision made together. Try to be as detailed as possible and don't be afraid to be really honest about your feelings and emotions.

   • This may take some time, during which you add new thoughts every day until you feel that you have freed yourself from all the reasons for anger or pain that are associated with your partner. You can describe in detail any betrayal or situation where your ex-partner made you feel worthless or otherwise abused you.

2. Analyze your own feelings. Re-read the entries at least twice, after you have written down all possible negative aspects and associated periods of hatred towards your ex-partner. Use this as evidence of your past relationship and how bad you felt during that period. After reading, tear up or otherwise destroy the document. This is how you acknowledge your hatred for your ex and at the same time choose the option of abandoning it or uprooting it from your heart.

   • If you are seeing a therapist or professional marriage counselor to help you understand your relationship with your ex-partner, you may want to bring the document to the meeting and destroy it in front of him. Having a credible witness to the destruction of a document can motivate you to let go of the hatred.

3. Help yourself get rid of hatred. Remember that hatred is not a productive emotion and is often debilitating for you and those around you. Think about how you can replace the feeling of hatred with exciting thoughts about the future or motivation for the next stage of life, but without your ex. Once you overcome your hatred, you can switch to less harmful emotions, such as pity, hostility, or even forgiveness for the offender.

   • You may be afraid to let go of hatred because it somehow keeps you connected to your ex. Anger can act as a form of negative attachment, as opposed to love or happiness, which are positive attachments. Instead of letting hatred control your attachment to your ex, let it go, allowing you to leave the past relationship behind. You don't have to forgive or forget your ex's harmful behavior once you have let go of the anger and hatred, but you can become a person free of the emotions that depress you and make you feel worse and more alone.

4. Create a list of goals that you intend to achieve in the coming year. To motivate yourself to focus on the future rather than the past, create a list of short-term and long-term goals for the year. Think about skills that you would like to learn or improve, but were unable to do so because of your relationship with your ex or because you wasted energy on hatred after a breakup.

   • These can be short-term goals, such as taking a cooking class, or long-term goals, such as regular morning jogging and yoga classes at least three times a week. Focus all your attention on doable tasks where you feel you can push yourself to succeed in achieving them. You will gain a boost of self-confidence and feel great if you know that your energy and personal time are not wasted on your ex-partner.

5. Spend time with friends and family. During the period of a breakup, thanks to such communication, you will feel the support of family and close friends who are your support. Most likely, they will support your desire to get rid of hatred and focus on plans for the future.

   • Also, loved ones can evaluate what is happening and provide regular support in an accessible form. Don't be afraid to ask them for help or advice if you are struggling with feelings of anger or hatred. Support from loved ones in difficult times will help change everything and give you the necessary strength to get rid of negative feelings.

If you ask a man a question about how he copes with a breakup, the answer you might hear is, at best, normal. But in fact, there is only one answer to this question - silently. Women cry more and talk all the time about their broken hearts. Today I read one publication on http://wjday.ru/ and somehow thought about this question. Men have long been conditioned to keep everything to themselves. In public they are silent, silent and patient, withdrawn into themselves. Which quite often turns into incurable alcoholism for them, not counting the diseases that can arise against the background of a nervous breakdown.

Scientists from the University of Königsberg have established 7 stages that almost all men experience during a breakup:

First stage: the man denies everything.

This is due to the fact that he cannot believe that this really happened. In other words, men deny everything that is happening. There is a feeling of not understanding, denial, fear.

Second stage: suppression of feelings.

At this stage, men become irritated, angry, violently generating anger towards everything that surrounds them. At this stage, the consciousness comes that this really happened, and experiences all the negative emotions. In 60% of cases, men have these negative feelings directed exclusively at themselves, since they know that they are the stronger sex, and they think that they have not coped with all the difficulties they have faced with their chosen one.

Third stage: final awareness of everything that is happening.

When the big flow of anger has gone, men usually begin to understand what really happened. Depression begins, which lowers self-esteem to the very minimum. At this moment, men stop feeling anything about themselves, they simply go through a stage of existence in their heads.

Fourth stage: stage of guilt.

At this moment, the male sex begins to think about at what stage of their relationship the misfire occurred, each time going through the wrong decisions. Such thoughts occur, of course, at all stages of experiencing separation, but especially after anger and depression, men finally make a verdict in their heads about where and what mistakes were present in the relationship.

Fifth stage: new ideas.

When men have realized everything that is happening and have worked on the mistakes in their heads from past relationships, the search for something new begins. Moreover, everyone has new ideas in different ways, someone begins to look for a new passion, someone throws themselves into work, and someone sees life in alcohol intoxication. The latter is usually the most common option.

Sixth stage: return to life.

Well, everything is clear here, self-esteem returns, a new meaning to life is found. Many men have a desire to find the woman of their life, start a family, and finally throw away the whole past in their lives.

Seventh stage: complete indifference.

At this stage, men can easily start looking for their new passion, doing their favorite things without bothering their heads with unpleasant thoughts. There is only one thing, a man will always remember the good moments from previous relationships, but he can also hate it just as much for a breakup initiated by a woman.

Buried emotions

It is worth remembering that if a man is silent, does not express obvious feelings, and your friends tell you that he still goes to the bar on Saturdays to drink beer with his friends, this does not mean that he absolutely does not care about your breakup, most likely he simply buried his emotions as deeply as possible.