/ / / What can fathers and sons learn from each other?

Fathers and children often find themselves on opposite sides of the barricade due to disagreements on one issue or another. Unfortunately, they don't often think about the fact that they can learn a lot from each other. Yes, yes, both “hopelessly behind” fathers and incorrigible maximalist children can become an example or an adviser.

So what can different generations teach each other? The fathers have experience and worldly wisdom on their side. They rarely cut from the shoulder, because they have already learned to live by the law: “measure twice, cut once.” Children often lack this. Young people, as a rule, commit actions, and only then think about the consequences. Sometimes those very consequences take them by surprise and put them in a dead end. If young people learned to soberly assess reality, they would avoid many problems. We should also learn from fathers to live calmly, to appreciate every moment, because we have one life.

The older generation should learn determination from the younger ones. Reasonable fathers sometimes miss her. Also, young people can be taught to be more flexible in their opinions and traditions, to adapt them to certain conditions. I think this is very important in our time. Young people are more open to change, while older people often lack this. Also, fathers need to take a little spontaneity from the younger generation.

The above can be supplemented with arguments from the literature. Nikolai Bolkonsky from the epic novel by L.N. Tolstoy’s “War and Peace” would be worth teaching your children to be gentler. If he had taken a closer look at Princess Marya, perhaps he would have begun to give in to others when it was really necessary. At the same time, Marya could learn from her father to defend her opinion. Andrei Bolkonsky after Austerlitz could open the eyes of many to the true meaning of life; even the elders would be worth learning from him.

The heroes of the work by L.N. Tolstoy prove that fathers and sons could learn a lot from each other if they knew how to admit their shortcomings and notice the merits of others.

Vika Lyuberetskaya from B. Vasiliev’s novel “Tomorrow there will be war” was very similar to her father in character. Like him, the girl did not give up her views even under pressure from Valendra. The heroine was a good friend, although she didn’t let everyone into her soul. At the end of the novel, another positive quality of the heroine appears - she does not know how to betray loved ones. The fact that she committed suicide is, of course, difficult to approve, but such fidelity would be worth learning from many adults.

This example, like the previous one, shows that fathers and children should celebrate each other's best qualities and cultivate them in themselves.

Reflection on the question posed can be concluded with the following conclusion: if children watch their fathers, and fathers watch their children, they will be able to cultivate the best qualities in themselves and avoid many problems.

Let's be honest. Did you really know exactly what you wanted at the age of 15-20? And if so, tell me honestly, now, when you’re old, this is exactly what you’re doing? And you’ve been working towards this all your life, step by step, and are you sure that you did everything right? Congratulations, from the point of view of world statistics, you are among the 2% of people who did not change their field of activity, did not work in a non-core job and did not receive an education that has nothing to do with their primary or is not related. The data is inexorable: the vast majority of people decide on their “calling” by the age of 25-30.

Things to learn: the realization that the world is changing so quickly that at the age of 15-20, making some Important Fundamental Decisions and blindly following a once chosen plan is at least naive. When I was 15, the Internet seemed like something stupid to chat with. Now I am managing a large Internet project. Did I know about this at 15, could I have chosen this as my life’s work? No, no and NO.

They don't make plans for years ahead

Our grandparents knew how to save. Many have accumulated very significant sums. And they lost everything in the early 90s. Our mothers and fathers knew how to save. Many have accumulated very significant sums. And they lost everything in ’98. We knew how to save. Many have even accumulated quite significant sums. We lost some in 2008 and the rest in 2014. Hello, do you really think there is any point in planning your life? Our children understand that the world is unpredictable, and if you have the opportunity to do something now, you should do it. Nobody knows what will happen in a year, what kind of multi-year planning?

Things to learn: bring yourself joy here and now. I love traveling, but I always thought that first... And then... and only then... And my daughter taught me to spend money on studying Angkor Wat in Cambodia, fly to Athens for my birthday and generally count, that while there are countries in the world whose roads have not been trampled by my feet, there is no need to postpone this for a future that may not come.

They don't dream of cool cars and big salaries.

I bought my first car at 19 and thought I was incredibly cool. A personal car as a symbol of cool still lives in my head. I was horrified when I found out that no one - literally - N I K T O - of my daughter’s friends, friends of their friends, acquaintances and friends (let’s make a reservation: I’m talking about Moscow) even thinks about buying a car as some kind of achievement.

Why do they need a car? Public transport is fast and inexpensive; in other situations, you can take an affordable taxi. It's easier, cheaper and more practical than bothering with technical inspections, gasoline, taxes, maintenance and repairs.

Things to learn: delegate, you don’t have to carry everything on yourself. Don't buy unnecessary things, use resources wisely. Show-offs are a thing of the past, what matters is convenience.

They only want pleasure

I remember very well how I thought that every penny I saved should be put into a savings... okay, into a savings paper envelope. I denied myself, let alone a full-fledged trip to a cafe, because in my head there was “this is for the wealthy.”

I still have a hard time throwing out torn tights (but I’m working on myself), because “well, they’re still good enough, why throw them away right away.” I kept a set “for guests” in the closet and drank from chipped cups. These kids walk out of the store wearing something they just bought because it's cool! Yes, perhaps in a year there will be famine and nightmare. And then who will appreciate a cool new sweatshirt?

They have no Goal

Well, okay, a choice has been made, a decision has been made, but what about globally? What do you children want - in a global sense? They crumple, moan and do not understand what we want from them, and we are like: there must be a PURPOSE in life! Cretins.

None of us has any idea what the meaning of life is, and for what purpose of the universe we were all born. All that is in our power is to live this life so that there is something to remember, or to take a reverse photo before death, in which there will be a treadmill covered in sweat and blood.

Things to learn: There is no point in overcoming difficulties; they will never end. If you overcome some, others will appear. No matter how much you brush your teeth in the morning, by evening they still require cleaning. Therefore, do what is necessary, but remember every day: if you were not happy today, you deprived yourself of joy for a whole day of your life.

They don't set reference points

Many of us grew up in the paradigm of “get married by 25, have your first child by 30, have your second by 35, open your own business by 40.” Change the dates, change the goals - the essence of the matter will remain the same. We had a clear plan for achievement, limited by specific time frames.

These children live by the principle of “whatever happens.” I was shocked when I asked my then-young daughter who she thought was a young mother. She answered: “The one who recently gave birth.” Age did not fit into the understanding at all! They don't consider 40-year-olds old, they don't consider 60-year-olds feeble. They are very specific comrades: they evaluate only this one person, his capabilities and potential.

Things to learn: We are very different, we have different paths and different priorities. No one should be placed in a Procrustean bed (sorry) of standards, indicators and age limits. People are individuals. They are not obliged to correspond to any statistical data, much less be condemned for it.

They are ready to go to any country where it is good

No patriotism! If everyone leaves, who will raise Russia from its knees? Yes, they are ready to raise, no, really. Create the conditions. They do not mind! They simply (see above) do not want to sacrifice anything, endure and wait. Are you not ready to provide suitable conditions now? Well, excuse me, there is only one life, and not as long as we would like. If you don't buy it, others will buy it.

They don’t care, honestly, which country to raise, because they don’t care about all the countries in the world. They raise their standard of living, and that’s all.

Things to learn: there is only one person at home. And if you don’t take care of yourself first and foremost, very soon you will find yourself dependent either on other people, or on circumstances, or - surprise - on the system that enslaved you. The world is very big and very diverse. And it’s stupid, stupid to limit yourself to the framework that you’ve come up with for yourself.

They don't understand people, their criteria are blurred

One day my daughter excitedly told me about some events in their teenage get-together. Now it doesn’t matter at all what the matter was, what was important was something else. In her speech, the names of the participants in the situation slipped in every now and then. “And then Frol says...”, “And Lena at that moment...”, “And then Salim comes...”, “Well, Yulia and I...”, “And when Nathan called... »

They have no respect for family

They don’t clean their rooms, don’t want to take part in washing the dishes, they don’t care about their summer cottages and collections of Colorado beetles. They do not share their secrets and do not understand what a “clan” is.

Things to learn: they initially do not want to depend on anyone. They are ready to take responsibility for their lives and do not want extra “anchors.” You may not like the word “extra,” but this is the harsh truth: we are all born and die alone. And in this life you should rely only on yourself, this gives a huge head start in achieving any peaks and mental stability. Believe me. Better yet, try it.

These children believe that there is only one way to be confident: to believe only in themselves. At the same time, they love us. Loving and depending are different stories.

They are ready to spend years searching for themselves

We were scared. But they don't. At 15-20, they honestly say: we have no idea who we are or why. Wait and see. That is, they stole our formula of uncertainty and turned it into their slogan. They really want to live and see. They don't need guarantees. They are ready to take risks and act according to the situation.

Things to learn: believe in yourself. Nobody told them that it would be good, but they are still not ready to sacrifice in the name of potential success. They bet on themselves and win, because at this time we are sitting in our kitchens, calculating the risks and not deciding on anything.

We have raised wonderful children. We can definitely be congratulated on this.

Representatives of the older generation can give a head start to progressive youth in terms of quality of life. On the eve of Knowledge Day, we will tell you what older people learn and how they can tune in to the same wavelength as their grandchildren.

People are afraid of retirement. Many are sure that retirement is the final stage of life, when a person, feeling useless, limits communication with the outside world. As a result, irritability, dissatisfaction with oneself and others appear, illnesses and grievances worsen.

How to regain interest in life? What can we do to ensure that our grandparents enjoy their retirement and feel important?

“Study, study and study again” - the call is not new, and the words are banal. But it’s relevant. And in the midst of the age of high technology, it is especially necessary.

What is good about carving for the older generation: cutting fruit perfectly develops fine motor skills, which worsen with age. For this reason, women who have suffered a stroke come to Lyubov Viktorovna’s studio. Here they work out hands that have stopped listening to them, communicate, discuss news and find new ideas for creativity.

One of the studio participants says: “When my grandson comes to visit, I always ask: “Busenka, are we going to eat soup with fish and flowers today?” And the soup is ordinary, noodles. But if fish and carrot flowers appear in the broth, then the soup is eaten in no time.”

Exclusive flower beds from grandma

Inspire grandma to grow flowers and create beautiful flower beds.

In 2017, the Good City of Petersburg Foundation organized courses in landscape design for the older generation of the Lomonosov district of the Leningrad region. Elderly residents of the Leningrad region were enthusiastic about the idea of ​​changing the street space. With the support of the foundation's staff, a landscaping project was developed and funding was received. The grandmothers created amazingly beautiful flower arrangements near the settlement administration building.

And in the summer of 2018, the project participants went on an excursion to St. Petersburg to New Holland and attended a lecture on modern urban design.

New Holland. Photo courtesy of the Good City Petersburg Foundation

“Thanks to our lectures, I discovered that the older generation is the main driver of urban change. Earlier in their lives they were deprived of the opportunity to even put a bench in the yard, but now, already in adulthood, they can achieve such large-scale changes,” shares his impressions Irina Pavlova, professional landscape architect, course teacher.

Divide and rule

If your grandmother cares about cleanliness, tell her about how you can organize separate garbage collection.

In 2016, the project started in St. Petersburg “And we are the active generation in South Primorsky Park”. Elderly residents of the Krasnoselsky district were able to install containers for separate waste collection, independently found a recycling company that removes waste, and taught local residents the principles of separate collection.

Marina Aleksandrovna Fadeeva, the ideological inspirer of the project, personally monitored the filling of the container that appeared near the South Primorsky Park. “At first I had to shovel the garbage out of the container myself,” says Marina Fadeeva. “I was on duty every day and monitored the process. She explained to residents why they need to sort garbage and how it affects the city’s ecology.”

For about six months, people got used to separating garbage and gradually learned. Now the container works flawlessly, the garbage is distributed correctly. In the future we are planning a project to improve the park. We want every park visitor to feel comfortable. Well, who if not us?

My grandmother "VKontakte"

Teach your grandparents to get in touch.

Let them find like-minded people, communicate, come up with joint events and projects. With age, the skill of using a computer becomes more and more difficult to master. But nothing is impossible, if there is a desire. In 2018, the foundation launched computer literacy courses for older people, and now the World Wide Web no longer seems so threateningly incomprehensible to them.

The message of the Good City of St. Petersburg Foundation is simple - when the older generation learns something new, authority in the eyes of grandchildren and children increases, and they understand that the grandmother is not just living out her life. She can learn and be an example for her own children and grandchildren.

In the fall of 2018, the foundation launches the project

How often does a child, especially in adolescence, listen to the opinions of the older generation? The words of parents about “what will happen if ...” are usually ignored by young people, despite the fact that the mother and father, as a rule, have some kind of life experience, while the child does not. And that’s why a person entering adulthood makes mistakes so often, and sometimes mistakes can be, if not fatal, then very unpleasant.

Suffice it to recall Pyotr Grinev, the hero of A.S. Pushkin’s story “The Captain’s Daughter,” who, having escaped from parental care, lost a fairly large sum at cards to officer Zurin.

This would not have happened if the young man had listened to Savelich and thought about how his father would have reacted to this act.

However, later Grinev follows exactly the behest of his wise father: “Take care of your honor from a young age.” And thanks to parental guidance, the hero manages not only not to lose himself, but to become stronger and smarter. This is evidenced by his actions: a duel for the honor of Masha Mironova, refusal to go over to the side of the traitor Pugachev. But this happened only because Grinev used his father’s experience.

What happens if you still don’t listen to the opinions of your elders is illustrated by the fate of Yevgeny Bazarov from I. S. Turgenev’s novel “Fathers and Sons.”

His life serves as a vivid example of what happens if the experience of past generations is not taken into account. If Pavel Petrovich Kirsanov believes that life without spiritual values ​​is impossible, then Bazarov, unlike the aging representative of the aristocracy, is sure of the opposite. Eugene does not recognize love and marriage, for him a woman is only a female, and love is an invention of poets. But it so happened that the cold nihilist fell in love. Having experienced a mental crisis, no longer seeing a purpose in his further existence, the young man - accidentally or on purpose - wounds his hand during the autopsy of a person who died of typhus, becomes infected and dies. And if Bazarov had at least listened to the experience of Pavel Petrovich, who believes in the existence of tender feelings and even experienced them once, then perhaps the fate of the main character would have turned out differently.

Therefore, taking into account the experience of fathers, serious troubles can be avoided in the future. But at the same time, it is impossible to fully rely on it, since each generation must solve problematic issues independently and make original decisions.

Updated: 2018-09-05

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We often strive to learn from those above us, while forgetting about those below us. And in vain. The generations following us bring with them a new paradigm of management and interaction with people. There is always something to learn from them.

Emancipation and inner freedom. Young leaders have little to no fear of showing their weaknesses. One of the notable values ​​of new generations is the desire to be yourself and be open to the exchange of emotions. Many of their predecessors experienced a break from reality, since they were more accustomed to being within a narrow organizational framework, when the format “of course, boss!” easily replaced the dialogue and freed him from the need to oppose.

Leaders of the new generation are ready to demonstrate to their colleagues that we are all just living people - with weaknesses, fears, desires and hobbies. This same quality helps them remain less politicized and hierarchical. They confidently communicate with people, regardless of their social status, education, experience and age, and openly share details of their lives on social networks, which creates a much more favorable environment for high-quality interpersonal dialogue.

Directness without looking back. The new leaders have virtually no destructive and inhibiting political correctness. They are much more likely than their older colleagues to express their thoughts and disagreements openly and honestly. In the long run, this behavior is more creative and captivating. So if you want to bribe your boss in the same way, ask one of your subordinates to give you a short master class in exchange for an immediate promotion.

Closeness to your teams. It manifests itself in a sincere interest in the lives of colleagues, respect for their personal space, as well as a caring attitude towards their professional development. In comparison with the recent past, I observe a curious phenomenon - with the increasing importance of work-life balance, the formal line in workplace communication among modern young people is rapidly thinning. This warmer contact and the resulting attitude of cooperation ultimately brings better results for the organization. Miracles of synergy.

Attention to detail beyond the job description. Successful young leaders are those who care, they navigate many aspects of the organization and technology, and they often act as change agents. Their attention to detail allows them not only to quickly find, analyze and eliminate weaknesses, but also to calculate the actions of competitors several steps ahead. If, of course, you are ready to listen to their opinion and follow their advice.

Passion for your business. For leaders of the new generation, work is not a duty, but serious self-realization and even a hobby. These are ideological people who look at many life processes integrally. They earn money to enjoy their busy lives. They work a lot, but they have time to spend and are not afraid. For travel, for sports, for hobbies, for loved ones, for charity.

Desire to interact with each other. Leaders of the new generation have a higher willingness to interact, I would even say - a need. They form groups and communities more easily and exchange opinions, practices and know-how. Working in project teams within the same company, without any fear for the result, they can be located not just outside the office, but also on different continents. And they don’t even complain about the time difference.

One thing remains unchanged from generation to generation - the importance of uniting a team with a common idea, a common goal. So if you manage to attract such leaders with you and share some kind of commonality with them, they will even forgive you for not having an account on social networks.

Alexey Shteingardt