Many psychologists believe that the “ancestor” of the fashion for open relationships is the Hippie subculture. This movement arose in the early 1960s, its adherents preach freedom in all its manifestations. In clothes, demeanor, travel, and, of course, in love.

In fact, the hippie subculture has revolutionized intimate partner relationships. Until our time, philosophy has not fully survived, but the concept of “free relations” has firmly taken root in the minds of young (and not so) people. Each of us at least once thought about this form of coexistence with a partner.

My behavior is the result of your attitude.
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What is the main disadvantage of an open relationship?

To answer this question, you first need to ask another:

Can a free relationship make a family?

No, he can not. Loyalty of partners to each other is the basis of well-being in the family.

Video: Free relationship - all FOR and AGAINST

Family psychologists rarely resort to the advice to try freedom. Experts know how it ends up in the end.

But young people, as an experiment, why not try it? And suddenly in such an exotic way you can meet your soul mate, which you don’t want to share with anyone.

Open relationships are considered a fashionable trend in the modern world. This is especially true for young couples who crave novelty, are trying to get rid of boredom and do not want to lose their freedom.

But are such relationships acceptable in family life? Can they make both partners happy?

An open relationship is a relationship where a man and a woman agree that they will not make claims against each other, be jealous, reproach, demand (“You are mine, but you can do whatever you want”).

On the one hand, you understand that it's great. You have a partner (husband), but you do not need to change your lifestyle, report to him and refuse to hang out with your friends. It's nice to realize that you are trusted, allowed to live as you want, and do not restrict freedom.

But the other side is not so rosy, because you need to allow a similar freedom to your partner. This is where feelings of ownership and pride begin to emerge. You can say: “Darling, have fun as you want! Flirt if you feel like it!" But deep down you will be tormented by jealousy and fear.

Advantages of an open relationship

• Non-burdensome. Each of the partners subconsciously understands that the relationship can be broken at any time and this fact does not burden.

• No dependency. Such relationships imply the exclusion of jealousy, resentment, claims and reproaches.

All these pluses are good in relation to themselves. But a loved one subconsciously wants to be kept on a short leash.

Cons of such a relationship

• Great opportunity to lose a partner. Open relationships provide an opportunity for flirting. Where there is flirting, sex is possible. Where there is sex, a new love is possible.

• fragility. Sooner or later, one of the partners will want more, and the other will not be able to give it.

• Moral norms. It is hard to overcome oneself and genetic inherent feelings of ownership, jealousy. Open relationships are still condemned by society and require psychological preparedness.

• Stress. No matter how the partners agree, about freedom in relationships, sooner or later there will be innuendo, mutual reproaches, discontent and, as a result, stressful conditions. Especially if the partner uses the provided freedom to the fullest, but you do not.

According to statistics, modern women offer more open relationships. They want to make a career, enjoy life, have a partner (husband), but not be limited to the walls of the house and family. Men willingly support this idea. They are very pleased to feel free, having an official partner (wife), who does not make any demands on him. But when it comes to a woman, a man begins to think about the values ​​​​of life, women's destiny and cannot so easily give freedom to his beloved. It turns out: he can, but she can’t (well, if only a little bit). In such situations, open relationships lose their meaning. One of the partners (usually a man) wants to cover up his desire to “go to the left” in this way, not allowing the same woman.

At first, all open relationships are built on mutual respect, agreement and priority of partners, but gradually they begin to bring discomfort. Most psychologists believe that such relationships cannot exist for a long time, because every person has a natural instinct of ownership. Sooner or later, this instinct will manifest itself and conflicts cannot be avoided.

But an open relationship often strengthens the union. How? Everything is simple. Sweeter is the forbidden fruit. If the wife (husband) does not allow the partner freedom in the relationship, then he wants to “sin” in order to experience extreme emotions and adrenaline. But as soon as an open relationship is established, all entertainment loses its attractiveness - after all, they become available.

Most of us are traditional family oriented. However, more and more couples prefer the so-called open relationship to marriage. What is so attractive about them?

If earlier the relationship between a man and a woman was traditional - cohabitation, family, natural restriction on sex with other partners, now the form of relationships can vary significantly. And one of these alternative options is the so-called open relationship.

What it is?

In the understanding of society, free relations are something akin to legalized betrayals. There is even an opinion that such a form is needed primarily by men: life without any obligations and complete freedom of action, including the right to go to the left - beauty! It is not surprising that a rather wary attitude towards such a union has formed in the mind.

But what exactly is this phenomenon?

An open relationship is a form of relationship in a couple in which there are no lies, jealousy and demands on each other. Partners just have a good time, communicate, meet, make love. But there is no taboo on sexual relations with others, as in traditional relationships. Here partners are together as long as they feel good with each other. In most cases, an open relationship turns out to be a temporary option. However, it also happens that this model develops into a so-called partnership marriage.

partnership marriage

In a partner marriage, in particular, Irina Khakamada lives with her current husband Vladimir Sirotinsky. In an interview, she admitted: “We have a common house in which we are cozy and warm, but everyone walks on their own. We have a lot of common topics for conversation, we can talk all night long, but at the same time no one takes out the brain of anyone. We are adults, this is the fourth marriage for me, the third for him, and we have finally found the best model for the comfortable coexistence of two smart people.

This model looks quite attractive. Yes, and partner marriages are often very strong: after all, in such a relationship, two are not only lovers and lovers, but also friends, comrades, associates ... And this means that such a couple is much more connected than those whose union is based solely on mutual feelings.

Pros and cons of an open relationship

Open relationships have their own characteristics, advantages and disadvantages.

The main advantage is that, with proper organization, the union of two people does not close on each other, but draws energy from the outside: after all, each of the partners is free to communicate, he has his own interests, life, friends, close people ... That is, in such a relationship no one does not owe anything to anyone, there is no dependence on each other, which means there is no jealousy, betrayal, deceit. Relationships can be ended painlessly at any time.

And the main disadvantage is that often open relationships act only as a cover for those who do not know how or do not want to build traditional relationships, as well as bear responsibility. If a person does not know how to make concessions, work on relationships, it is easiest for him to declare that he is practicing freedom in relationships and reduce interaction with a partner to ordinary sexual contacts. And this is still not quite what people who have lived in such unions for many years understand by free relations.

Of course, open relationships and partner marriage are not suitable for every couple. First of all, because the foundation of such a relationship is boundless trust in each other. You need to really trust a person so that the very fact of physical infidelity is not perceived as a factor that can ruin a relationship. And not everyone can give up jealousy. Can you not think that in such a union there is always a risk of losing a lover who has a legal right to adultery? Are you sure that in the next love affair he will not meet the one with whom he wants not just sex?

Jealousy is a biological factor. A man is jealous because a program of taking care of his own offspring is biologically embedded in him - and, accordingly, he wants to be sure that the offspring is his. A woman, on the other hand, has a fear of losing the father of her children and, accordingly, his help and support in their upbringing. That is why for a man the most painful is the very fact of physical infidelity, and for a woman - the fact of emotional involvement with another woman. Stepping through this program is not easy - especially if the couple has children. For this reason, open relationships are good as long as there are no children. And, as a rule, childless couples tend to this version of the union (although there are always exceptions).

Free relations can exist only on the condition that both are satisfied with this particular model. With the growth of emotional involvement, it often happens that a person is no longer satisfied with the position of “one of”. He already wants to occupy a larger place in the life of another. If this desire is mutual, free relations gradually develop into a completely traditional union. But if only one partner has such feelings, and the second is not ready for more, he is satisfied with the existing option - the relationship is doomed to death. You can, of course, delay the finale by trying to bend under the other, but this will not lead to anything good. If at least one partner is dissatisfied with the situation, there can no longer be any talk of trust - discontent accumulates, which slowly but surely destroys the union. That is why it is believed that open relationships are short-lived. Although in fact the duration of any relationship does not depend on their form, but solely on the people who are in them.

So who is an open relationship right for?

Interestingly, the theme of free love is played out by Heinlein in the novel Stranger in a Strange Land. One of the heroes there says that love and jealousy are not only unrelated, but also contradict each other, because “Love is when the happiness of another person becomes a necessary condition for your happiness.” If you are ready to agree with this statement, it is quite possible that an open relationship is for you. But you should not try if the traditional model is closer to you, even if your loved one insists on it, it will only bring you disappointment and pain.

An open relationship can give a lot to someone who is ready to overcome the jealousy and sense of ownership that many of us have genetically. And if you go through this path of moral and psychological adjustment, then you can find in your loved one - both a friend, and a lover, and a comrade who will always support ...

In any case, everyone must decide whether he is ready for an open relationship or not. Are you ready to break yourself psychologically. It is important to understand that any relationship, whatever form it may be, must first of all be harmonious, and not cause pain and trouble to another. And also the fact that a loved one is with you not because he is satisfied with a certain form, not out of a sense of duty and not for the sake of common children, but because he feels good with you. And this understanding is really worth appreciating!

open relationship is an individual decision of two people to build a relationship with each other without obligation. Such relationships in a couple do not have jealousy, lies, any requirements. The essence of an open relationship is determined by each couple individually and taking into account precisely their context of interaction, but they imply a certain degree of freedom to express flirting, light intimate relationships with others. Most often, open relationships are chosen by fairly active young couples. The issue of fidelity in this case remains inviolable, since people are emotionally attached to each other and in the spiritual sense there is no betrayal.

People who choose an open relationship tend to believe that their partner's interaction with others will not lead to a breakup, and prefer to give complete freedom to communicate with everyone with whom the person is interested, instead of limiting and controlling his actions and meetings. It is important to realize that this type of connection is not a legalized betrayal and not a demonstration of indifference to a partner. Rather, it is trust, respect for the individual and the choice of a person. Power, possessiveness, control are replaced by trust, freedom, respect. Yes, and if you remember the principle of desire for the forbidden, then just the fact of treacherous treason in a free relationship is minimal.

This type of relationship is more acceptable for couples who do not have and do not yet plan children, from the point of view that children absorb the surrounding behavior patterns. So, with one-sided betrayal in people who have chosen an open relationship, the second one forgives from an understanding of physiological characteristics, the knowledge that it is better to maintain these stable relationships than to quit and try to build new ones, but, nevertheless, experiences unpleasant ones. The child, on the other hand, can learn such behavior as generally accepted and not traumatic for another.

People who choose open relationships have a different psychology than those who stick to standard responsibilities. It can be said that they choose to enjoy the present moment, love intense emotions, do not suffer from declining levels, and are respectful of the choices and decisions of others.

What does open relationship mean?

The definition and rules of an open relationship look like a couple maintains an intimate relationship and a life together, everyone has the right to flirt or have sex with the other without subsequent quarrels, scandals and termination of relationships with the priority.

This type of relationship can be afforded by those who are confident in their ability to forgive betrayal if they want to keep in touch, thus increasing the degree of openness to a partner and saving nerves in clarifying unpleasant situations and reconciliation. The danger is that the individual understanding and rules of open relationships are rather blurred. It is worthwhile to determine in advance the strategy of behavior in case a temporary affair, which is allowed and does not carry reproaches, develops into love and entails the collapse of existing relationships, because the chance of feelings arising when you allow yourself close intimate contact with another person increases significantly.

It is important to discuss the organization of meetings, control over protection against diseases and pregnancies, maintaining the emotional comfort of a partner. It is necessary to discuss how often meetings are possible, whether only sex is considered acceptable or whether calls and walks are possible, the permanent or one-time nature of the additional relationship, and the partner's attitude to bringing home. Before taking a step into an open relationship, it is worth discussing all the points in as much detail as possible, otherwise quarrels cannot be avoided.

The rules of free relations predetermine respect for the partner, his priority, the same conditions and degree of freedom for both participants, as well as emotional comfort.

If they don’t want to discuss such possible situations with you, but dismiss “everyone lives as he wants and no complaints”, then you are simply used or kept in reserve, since free relations include certain agreements (even more defined and strict, than normal relationships).

The internal reasons for offering the format of an open relationship are deeper than it is presented in words to a partner. For example, responsibility may be hidden behind this if confidence in feelings and the ability to give a guarantee have not yet appeared (although no one can give a guarantee of eternal cohabitation, neither before marriage, nor even after). The reason may be a recent breakup, after which there is a need to heal spiritual wounds, bask in someone else's good location, but there is neither the strength nor the desire to emotionally participate in a new relationship. One can appreciate the honesty of the chosen one in what he confessed, but it is far from unpleasant to feel like a bandage bandage that will simply be thrown out when the wound stops bleeding.

The most common option for choosing an open relationship is the unwillingness to change your usual life, to move on to the next stage of psychological maturation, when your own separate family is created. This can be caused by experienced childhood traumas, not separated from parents, deformation in the formation of a personal structure and many other factors, but the essence of the manifestation in behavior remains the same - a person is not ready to change. The reason for offering you an open relationship may be your excessive obsession and forcing events (there is a high probability of hearing such an offer just after you hinted at cohabitation, a wedding, or mentally chose curtains to match the furniture in your joint apartment).

You can enter into an open relationship with secret intentions to change the partner’s opinion and take the relationship to another level, or because of your internal problems (the same unwillingness to change something in life, lack of trust in the partner, thoughts that it is worth looking for a more suitable one, confidence, that they are unworthy of a better attitude towards themselves, etc.). If being in such a relationship does not suit you, then you are not obliged to solve the psychological problems of the chosen one or force events, just convey to him what you are waiting for and what you are counting on.

There are two ways of developing free relations. Short-lived - when partners try to conserve relationships in the state that has appeared, this usually fails, and someone who matures faster and overcomes the psychological barriers that led to the choice of such an interaction option makes a scandal or provokes a break. The second option is long-term, when the relationship goes into the stage of serious, filled with obligations. The mechanism is operating here that if we do not receive guarantees from a partner, reinforcement of interest, we experience a state of constant stress due to the uncertainty that today we are still being chosen, then all this stimulates the transfer of relations to a serious stage.

Open relationship in marriage

The form of free relations is quite rare, and is generally practiced exclusively by married couples. Many questions concerning the organization of these relationships should be resolved even at the stage of their beginning. Most of the issues and topics raised will relate to the boundaries of the individual, permissibility and territory. In people who successfully build open relationships, psychology determines a clear structure and stability, which helps to maintain established agreements, withstand boundaries and pressure from others.

Open relationship - how is it? The rules in each family can be different: someone chooses separate attendance at parties with flirting or just with another person, and someone discusses the option of having permanent lovers and intimate relationships. In each case, the rules of conduct must be discussed in detail with the priority partner and a consensus reached in effect.

A free marriage is a joint life of two people who at the same time live freely each of their own lives, not hiding its features from the spouse. On the one hand, this resembles friendship, when there is no jealousy and requirements for a partner - you are happy to see each other as much as you can now, and try to have the best time possible. Such an organization of marriage can help save a disintegrating relationship, bring a fresh wind into them, make them feel sharp feelings, appreciate the spouse, but it can also completely ruin the relationship.

They arrange such marriages of people who live, and not by feelings, or one of the partners, while the second only agrees to endure a similar course of events in the hope that this will change. And free marriages are absolutely impossible for jealous partners, those who strive for maximum intimacy with one person. Difficult in their organization and moral aspects of free unions for couples with children.

In any case, if the question arises about the existence or possibility of an intimate relationship (spiritual or sexual) with someone else, then everyone must independently decide which option suits him and his situation more: open relationships, secret betrayals, suppression of his desires or their elaboration and development of existing relationships, without the participation of outsiders in them.

Open relationship pros and cons

The essence of an open relationship is not as cloudless and attractive as it seems, and includes both positive and negative aspects.

The indisputable advantages include the diversity of sexual life, the maintenance of excitement, the feeling of freedom of one's own life (and not only in an intimate context), the absence of claims, quarrels, jealousy. In such relationships there is no place for lies, but there are excellent friendly trusting relationships and equality.

However, there is another side of the coin - not only you get freedom, which means that a loved one can sleep with others and you will know about it without having the right to claim. The risk of losing such a relationship is much higher, because you and your partner are in a constant process of selection and comparison. It happens that people want such a relationship only theoretically, but having tried, such an experience will forever remain in their memory and the question of trust in a partner will not be closed. And then there is the ubiquitous opinion of society, which for the most part condemns such relationships, sometimes without even going into much detail about what it is. Often relationships that do not have obligations are not durable due to one of the partners (more often the one who agreed to the idea of ​​freedom) having higher requirements and the impossibility of giving it to the other (more often the one who offered).

Open relationships are not for everyone. You need to have a stable and high self-esteem in order not to slide into jealousy, as well as the inner strength to do without a partner and his attention when you may need it (after all, a certain amount of energy is also spent on another person).

Before you enter the turbulent and unpredictable river called “free relationships”, think: what do you need them for? What do you want from them? And what are you willing to sacrifice if things don't go the way you planned?

What does the expression "free relationship" mean?

Of course, we can say that these are relationships of partners with a high level of self-realization and personal development, that is, independent, self-confident people who spend time together only because they feel good and comfortable together. No obligation, no feeling, no duty, no jealousy, no fear of loss. Everything is based solely on the free choice of both and readiness for any turn of events.

But the completed sexual revolution also clearly indicates to us that such freedom means not only personal, but also sexual free relations. Those. you are ready to recognize not only for yourself, but also for your partner the right to “left”.

If a guy persistently offers an open relationship, this is not surprising. For him, this has a lot of positive aspects: no obligations, no responsibility on his part. Perhaps this is not so important for you at the current stage of the relationship, but still it would be nice to think about why the guy wants exactly free relationships - why does he need them? And why do you need them?

Such relationships, as a rule, are possible in two cases: either one of the couple is ready for anything, just to be close to the one he passionately loves, or is it a temporary relationship without emotional awe, out of pity or convenience, until it turns up something more worthwhile. Which place you feel more comfortable - choose for yourself. One thing is clear: free sexual relations are the path of very mature and strong personalities who clearly know what they want and do not build unnecessary illusions about a partner, otherwise a scorched desert may settle in the soul for a long time after that.

I think the most difficult thing in this business is to find out about other girls of your boyfriend and take it easy, unless, of course, you care about him. In addition, each of us wants care, tenderness, and even some certainty every day. The final choice, of course, is yours, but always remember - you deserve the best. Someone who is ready to take responsibility and take care of you, and not just drive to nightclubs according to one known schedule. And this best one is probably somewhere nearby. Maybe it's still worth looking around?

As for open relationships in marriage, there can be many options. For example, a married couple lives together not because they have love and they feel good together, but because it is so convenient for them - they have common children, an established life, real estate, and sometimes a business. In fact, this is, probably, even more not so much a family in our understanding, but a kind of partnership.

Sometimes a wife simply recognizes her husband's right to “left”. And even somehow it logically explains. For example, male polygamy or the fact that it is a pity for good girls who never got a free man. At first glance, it may seem that in this family there are also free relations. But things may not be so clear cut. It’s better, before drawing conclusions, to ask her husband: “How do you feel about free relationships in your family?” And, most likely, you will hear that he recognizes the right to free sexual relations in the family exclusively for himself, and what kind of freedom is this if the game goes only one way ?!

Of course, one should not lose sight of the younger generation, whose personal and family life can take on the most bizarre and independent forms. However, older generations can also indulge in all serious. In our age of crazy information race, it can always seem that something important is passing by and everything is necessary to have time to try, in order to keep up with life, free sexual relations look very tempting in this case. In addition, often there may simply be no time or energy left for deep, full and sincere relationships. And then again - what is easier? Free relationship - and no one owes anything to anyone, sheer pleasure.

Of course, if this is a conscious choice of adult independent people without illusions, why not? Not everyone is ready to persistently seek their soul mate or, in anticipation of her, lead a monastic lifestyle. But the main thing, nevertheless, is to remember that a family is not necessarily “non-freedom”, and harmonious relationships are still possible!