When a person is in a marriage or love union, he is interconnected with his partner, so he does not allow himself to cross the line. But quite often there are situations when unrequited emotional dependence on a person appears. In this case, an obsessive need for attention arises, the relationship becomes extremely significant. Psychotherapists classify such emotions and feelings as pathological, because if the object of passion does not share sympathy, the person begins to experience a feeling of anxiety, for him life loses meaning and becomes empty. It is worth noting that emotional dependence can arise not only towards a man or woman, but also towards children and grandchildren. Why does one become dependent on another person? How dangerous is she? What can it lead to?

Life stories

Anna : “I have been living alone with my son for many years. We go with him to the cinema, theater, park. I have the most handsome, smart boy, although he is already 40 years old. I can’t imagine myself without my son.”

Psychotherapist's response: « The mother's loneliness and her obsession ruin her son's life. The mother lives only with him. But the son is with her because he is afraid of disappointing his mother and feels guilty towards her. Until the mother lets her child go, he will not be happy in his personal life. In this case, Anna needs to overcome her feelings and finally understand that her son is an adult and not a little boy.”

Alla:“I loved my husband very much, I did him good. I am grateful to him for forcing me to get a higher education and getting me into his office. Sometimes he offended me, insulted me, raised his hand, I forgave him everything, because I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”

Psychotherapist's response:“The situation here is very simple. A woman is dependent on her husband for everything. She didn’t make her own decisions, he sent her to study and got her a job. Alla is used to constantly obeying. In this situation, you need to learn to live independently.”

Causes of emotional dependence

From the situations described above, it is clear that emotional emptiness leads to dependence on a person. When your partner begins to organize your entire life, a painful dependence appears. Subsequently, you cannot make a decision without him, you endure various humiliations, you are afraid of losing your object of passion. In psychotherapy, there are several main causes of emotional dependence.

Intense fear

Quite often, a strong person (an active personality) controls a weak one (an infantile personality), deliberately making him dependent. In this case, one of the partners constantly rules, and the other is obliged to listen and submit. Psychotherapists believe that each partner has a fear of remaining unnecessary and lonely.

Lack of self-confidence

Some people deliberately meet the first people they meet in order to feel the fullness of life. As a rule, such a person is lonely and has low self-esteem. The situation can get worse because the person begins to depend on the opinions of others and cannot fully understand his life. Such people live someone else's life, they suffer a lot.

Hyperresponsibility

Some people cannot refuse help. If they don't do something, they feel guilty. It is very rare to find this type of people who think that they are responsible for everything that happens in the world. Such people are very sensitive, sensitive to criticism, and constantly experience. But some psychotherapists are sure: “Hyper responsibility is a consequence of a person’s unwillingness to sort out his life.”

Idealization of the image

Sometimes many become emotionally dependent because they come up with a certain image of a person, while endowing him with only positive qualities. Such dependence is dangerous because when an object does not correspond to dreams, completely disappoints, a person falls into despair and stops believing the entire world around him.

Ways to get rid of emotional dependence

If you cannot get the image out of your head on your own, you should urgently consult a psychologist. It is important to understand that painful attachment arises in the subconscious, but the reason for it must be sought in childhood. As a rule, emotional dependence appears in children who have not received enough love from their parents.

At home, you can try using the following treatment technique:

• You need to imagine your connection with the object of passion.
• Try to break this connection in your thoughts.
• Analyze what you have gained and what you have lost.
• Imagine a new image and your future life in bright colors.
• Try to plan for the future, thinking only about the good.

It is very important to break off all physical relationships with a person: solve a financial issue, run a separate household, change your bank account.

Attention! Give up drugs, alcoholic beverages, smoking - these habits can only increase emotional dependence.

Don’t forget to take good care of yourself: eat only healthy foods, exercise, and restore your sleep patterns. This will give you self-confidence and independence. You can relax in a bath with herbs, essential oils, go for a massage, change your hairstyle.

So, from the point of view of psychology, everything is quite simple, but in life it is very difficult to forget a person on whom you have become emotionally dependent, especially if he is not endowed with negative qualities. But you shouldn’t impose yourself on anyone, or allow yourself to be “kept on a leash.” Remember, you are a free person with your own feelings and likes. If you learn to control yourself and rationally assess the situation, you will protect yourself from deep depression and various types of neurosis. Please note that only in films and fairy tales does everything end with a happy ending. In life, it is very rare that emotional dependence is mutual; quite often one person suffers, but the other does not care. Be careful, value yourself and your health first of all, and the rest will follow!

Question to a psychologist

Good afternoon
I am 19 years old, a student.
I don’t know how unique and fresh my question will be, but I can’t help but ask.
I have developed a very strong emotional attachment to a young man I don't even know. Yes, yes, this happens, I actually didn’t expect it from myself.
In general, I fell in love with him a year and a half ago, at first sight I was hooked. I don’t even really know: is it chemistry, or common features with a past object of affection. A bit of everything.
I never met him, although there were some overlaps. This probably isn't all that important. It is important that while he was studying at my university, I actively suffered for him. Then summer, I didn’t see him for a long time, after the summer he didn’t go back to school (temporary problems, perhaps it will be restored next September). I saw him briefly last September, that is. about six months ago.
There was no further contact.
The suffering continues to this day.
I feel kind of comfortable or something. I really really like him.
There are even positive aspects to this - I have radically changed some of my tastes/preferences for the better. This, um, self-development has not gone unnoticed by society, everything is fine here.
But at the same time, I don’t perceive other boys, I continue to suffer more actively, sometimes I even cry, Lord. Fortunately, there are social pages where you can periodically track his life. This is already an obsession. Mania.
It's exhausting.
Besides, I often feel the pointlessness of it.
Yes, there is an obvious way out - to get acquainted, at least through the same social networks.
No, I won’t step over myself here, that’s completely out of the question. Perhaps in the future, someday, yes, if he returns. But now - no, take the first steps, no no no.
I want to break this attachment. This has to work out somehow. I'm tired. Complete stagnation. Neither right nor left.
How to get rid of this from yourself?

I never met him

The suffering continues to this day.

Julia, it’s like retreating into fantasy from real life...

More details here: http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/psychological-stories/ushel-obeshchal-vernutsya

And turning to the past occurs when something doesn’t suit you in today’s day. It is advisable to realize what is so unsatisfactory in your life...

And try to change it...

To do this, it is very important to turn to yourself - to your feelings, thoughts and, most importantly - desires, to figure out what you want for yourself - for your body, appearance, health, for your activities, career, finances, for your contacts - with yourself and others, for relationships with the opposite sex, for communicating with your family, friends and relatives, for your plans, goals, meanings, faith, etc.

And achieve what you want.

Good luck and all the best to you.

Sincerely, Svetlana Kiselevskaya, psychologist, master's degree.

Hello Julia!

It is indeed difficult for you to break this connection, because you are “sort of comfortable” in it. Emotionally, the man’s place next to you is occupied, but there is no need to take on any responsibility. That is why you categorically do not want to move into the real plane. Subconsciously, you are afraid of relationships with real young people. Perhaps because you simply don’t know how to build them. I can assume that you grew up without a dad, or that he took very little part in your upbringing.

Yes. sometimes you feel pain, but, apparently, your love is linked to pain (and this is also from childhood), therefore you are comfortable in this pain, because it is familiar.

In order to help you, a personal consultation is needed. If you are ready to work, please contact us.

Stolyarova Marina Valentinovna, consulting psychologist, St. Petersburg

Nikulina Marina Alexandrovna

Psychologist St. Petersburg Was on the site: Today

Answers on the site: Conducts trainings: Publications: To you and wisdom.

If you need help and want to figure it out, ask for advice. I will be happy to help you.

Psychologist Nikulina Marina, St. Petersburg. Consultations in person, Skype

When people are in a loving relationship, they are interdependent because they help meet each other's needs. But there are relationships in which addiction fills all the space, leaving no room for love.

Such relationships are characterized by an obsessive need for the attention of another person. Relationships are ascribed great significance, and if the object of passion becomes unavailable for some reason, the dependent person experiences anxiety, and his life at that moment becomes meaningless and empty.

The problem is that in this way we make the other person completely responsible for meeting our needs and expect a certain behavior from him. If our expectations are not met, then life collapses, we experience discomfort and literally lose ourselves.

It turns out that without another person, an emotionally dependent person does not feel the fullness of life and does not feel complete. The object of passion bears a heavy burden of responsibility for our happiness , and this is very difficult and makes you want to get rid of this burden.

As a result, life is difficult for everyone in these relationships, but breaking out of the circle of addiction is even more difficult than being in it.

Let's look at the reasons that make us emotionally dependent and find out how we can change the situation.

Emptiness around, emptiness inside

Emptiness around, emptiness inside

Tatyana has been divorced from her husband for many years and lives with her son. From the outside, their relationship may seem ideal: the two of them go to the theater, cinema, walk around the city and even go on vacation together.

Emotional addiction: how to break the connection / shutterstock.com

“My Danila is smart and handsome, he knows three languages, he makes good money, but he has no luck with girls, he always comes across the wrong ones,” Tatyana complains. In fact, her “boy” is already about forty years old, and it is his mother who is the reason for all his failures in his personal life.

Ekaterina GORSHKOVA,
psychologist-consultant

Video: How to remove the energetic connection with a man and forget your ex? Psychological exercise.

When a person is in a marriage or love union, he is interconnected with his partner, so he does not allow himself to cross the line. But quite often there are situations when unrequited emotional dependence on a person appears. In this case, an obsessive need for attention arises, the relationship becomes extremely significant. Psychotherapists classify such emotions and feelings as pathological, because if the object of passion does not share sympathy, the person begins to experience a feeling of anxiety, for him life loses meaning and becomes empty. It is worth noting that emotional dependence can arise not only towards a man or woman, but also towards children and grandchildren. Why does one become dependent on another person? How dangerous is she? What can it lead to?

Life stories

Anna : “I have been living alone with my son for many years. We go with him to the cinema, theater, park. I have the most handsome, smart boy, although he is already 40 years old. I can’t imagine myself without my son.”

Psychotherapist's response: « The mother's loneliness and her obsessive emotional dependence destroy her son's life. The mother lives only with him. But the son is with her because he is afraid of disappointing his mother and feels guilty towards her. Until the mother lets her child go, he will not be happy in his personal life. In this case, Anna needs to overcome her feelings and finally understand that her son is an adult and not a little boy.”

Alla:“I loved my husband very much, I did him good. I am grateful to him for forcing me to get a higher education and getting me into his office. Sometimes he offended me, insulted me, raised his hand, I forgave him everything, because I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”

Psychotherapist's response:“The situation here is very simple. A woman is dependent on her husband for everything. She didn’t make her own decisions, he sent her to study and got her a job. Alla is used to constantly obeying. In this situation, you need to learn to live independently."

Video: Energy connections and chakras - Bindings in different chakras and the consequences of bindings

Causes of emotional dependence

From the situations described above, it is clear that emotional emptiness leads to dependence on a person. When your partner begins to organize your entire life, a painful dependence appears. Subsequently, you cannot make a decision without him, you endure various humiliations, you are afraid of losing your object of passion. In psychotherapy, there are several main causes of emotional dependence.

Intense fear

Quite often, a strong person (an active personality) controls a weak one (an infantile personality), deliberately making him dependent. In this case, one of the partners constantly rules, and the other is obliged to listen and submit. Psychotherapists believe that each partner has a fear of remaining unnecessary and lonely.

Lack of self-confidence

Some people deliberately meet the first people they meet in order to feel the fullness of life. As a rule, such a person is lonely and has low self-esteem. The situation can get worse because the person begins to depend on the opinions of others and cannot fully understand his life. Such people live someone else's life, they suffer a lot.

Hyperresponsibility

Some people cannot refuse help. If they don't do something, they feel guilty. It is very rare to find this type of people who think that they are responsible for everything that happens in the world. Such people are very sensitive, sensitive to criticism, and constantly experience anxiety. But some psychotherapists are sure: “Hyper responsibility is a consequence of a person’s unwillingness to sort out his life.”

Idealization of the image

Sometimes many become emotionally dependent because they come up with a certain image of a person, while endowing him with only positive qualities. Such dependence is dangerous because when an object does not correspond to dreams and completely disappoints, a person falls into deep depression and stops believing the entire world around him.

Ways to get rid of emotional dependence

If you cannot get the image out of your head on your own, you should urgently consult a psychologist. It is important to understand that painful attachment arises in the subconscious, but the reason for it must be sought in childhood. As a rule, emotional dependence appears in children who have not received enough love from their parents.

At home, you can try using the following treatment technique:

• You need to imagine your connection with the object of passion.
• Try to break this connection in your thoughts.
• Analyze what you have gained and what you have lost.
• Imagine a new image and your future life in bright colors.
• Try to plan for the future, thinking only about the good.

It is very important to break off all physical relationships with a person: solve a financial issue, run a separate household, change your bank account.

Attention! Give up drugs, alcoholic beverages, smoking - these habits can only increase emotional dependence.

Don’t forget to take good care of yourself: eat only healthy foods, exercise, and restore your sleep patterns. This will give you self-confidence and independence. You can relax in a bath with herbs, essential oils, go for a massage, change your hairstyle.

So, from the point of view of psychology, everything is quite simple, but in life it is very difficult to forget a person on whom you have become emotionally dependent, especially if he is not endowed with negative qualities. But you shouldn’t impose yourself on anyone, or allow yourself to be “kept on a leash.” Remember, you are a free person with your own feelings and likes. If you learn to control yourself and rationally assess the situation, you will protect yourself from deep depression and various types of neurosis. Please note that only in films and fairy tales does everything end with a happy ending. In life, it is very rare that emotional dependence is mutual; quite often one person suffers, but the other does not care. Be careful, value yourself and your health first of all, and the rest will follow!

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When communicating between a man and a woman, an energetic connection always arises. During sex, we exchange sexual energy whether or not you are aware of this fact.

Energy doesn’t matter whether you believe in it or not - energy exchange occurs in any case, period!!!

And of course, it is better to have at least basic knowledge on this matter than to be ignorant of what is happening in our lives...

When we communicate and give each other warmth, tenderness and love, this is good. But only if we do it SINCERELY! Then all participants will only benefit from these interactions.

Unfortunately, sometimes people break up. And this desire is not always mutual for partners.

The energetic connection between people after a breakup in most cases remains!

There are often situations when a person cannot come to terms with the thought of separation from his partner for years. What should such people do and why is it dangerous for them?…

The danger lies in the loss of vitality - sexual energy!!!

If you are surrounded by such lucky people who, after breaking up, are constantly sad about their ex-halves, you understand what I’m talking about...

Surely you have noticed how quickly their condition is deteriorating, how they wither right before your eyes, completely ceasing to enjoy life...

The reason for this is the decreasing amount of sexual energy in these people every day. Or rather, her voluntary giving in favor of the person with whom they separated. At the same time, the former partner may be completely unaware of what is happening, and, therefore, he is completely innocent!

Why does this happen?

Where there is attention, there is energy.To whom we think, we give...

When we worry about our ex-partner, our energy goes to him.

And the more we think about it, the more sexual energy we lose. But we still need to support our own body and establish new relationships.

But, being in such a state, it is almost impossible to build something new...

Worrying about relationships after a breakup, we tie ourselves to our ex-partner! This is an energetic connection...

What are energy bindings based on and maintained?

1. On feelings of guilt.

Mostly people tend to blame themselves for what happened.

They didn’t understand, they hurt their partner, they reacted incorrectly and it ended up in divorce. They could have stopped, but they didn’t, they could have done something, but they didn’t...

Or people feel guilty that others, such as children, suffered as a result of the breakup.

2. For revenge.

The desire to take revenge on a former lover takes over most abandoned minds. And this is an indisputable fact))

Planning, thoroughly thinking through the details, and sometimes carrying out multiple methods of revenge on former partners...

All this takes away the bulk of the accumulated vital energy, leaving behind only a feeling of emptiness, despair and a complete lack of understanding of where to move next.

3. On resentment and disappointment.

Grievances are our unfulfilled hopes, unrealized plans, dreams and desires.

We are offended by the person who did not let all this come true because he abandoned us.

And we cherish this resentment. It allows us, with the last of our strength, to maintain our self-esteem that has fallen after a breakup, to think that it is not us who are bad, but the person who abandoned us. Resentment allows you to feel sorry for yourself and complain to others about your partner.

But where did we get the idea that someone else owes us???

After all, these are our plans and desires!!! And, it seems, they were different from the desires and plans of our ex-partner.

So, what is he to blame for?...

4. Attachments are based on the promises of another person.

Let's say a man said to a woman:

- I'll make you happy. You will bear me children. I will build a house where we will all live together for many years...

All this information, at the subconscious level, was perceived by the woman, and she believed that everything would be so.

As a result, when the relationship has already ended, the abandoned woman stubbornly cannot believe it!!!

- How so? He promised, didn't he?

Therefore, always think about what you say to your loved one. It happens that love passes, but words remain and interfere with life for a very long time!!!

———————————

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How to get rid of energy bindings?

How to remove energy attachments and make a break with the past, starting to rebuild your life anew, where there will be completely different relationships? After all…

A constant drain of energy does not bode well for a person. Some advanced conditions turn into deep depression, and even an unwillingness to live...

This is the first sign that your sexual energy is at zero!!!