19.11. Crises in family relations K. Razbalt et al. (Rusbult et al., 1987) note three types of behavior of spouses during crises in family relations. In one case, they demonstrate loyalty: they wait for the situation to improve. Problems are too painful to be

Chapter 4 Types of conflicts and their classification 4.1. Classification of conflicts For the typology of conflicts, the most significant features are: the mechanisms of their occurrence - they are expressed by the formulas of conflicts of the corresponding type (see sections 3.2 and 3.3); composition of the parties

Types of interpersonal conflicts The following types of interpersonal conflicts are distinguished: motivational; cognitive; role-playing. Motivational conflicts include conflicts of interest - these are situations affecting the goals, plans, aspirations, motives of participants,

Types of pedagogical conflicts The main forms of conflict behavior of schoolchildren include: defiant actions and deeds (violation of discipline; rudeness, insolence, disobedience, deliberate lies); incorrectly expressed disagreement; offensive criticism

Introduction

The concept of "family"

3 Factors causing family disorder

Family conflicts and their characteristics

2 Causes of conflicts

Conclusion

Glossary

Bibliography

Introduction

The family is the oldest and most stable form of human life. It reflects the system of a person's relationship to himself and others.

The role of the family in society is incomparable with any other social institutions in terms of the power of influence on the development of the individual and her mental state. The family contributes to the disclosure of individuality, creative possibilities, positive attitudes, the achievement of socially significant goals and self-realization of the individual.

It acts as an institution of moral influence that a person feels throughout his life.

The economic and moral crisis in Russia had a negative impact on the family sphere, led to family instability, and an increase in conflict families.

The classical definition of a family says that a family is a small social group whose members are connected by marriage, parenthood and kinship, common life, a common budget and mutual moral responsibility.

Every year, millions of families are created in our country, which have to grow stronger and grow. Young is considered a family with a marriage experience of 5 years and the age of the spouses is not more than 30 years. There are approximately 18% of such families in our country. The well-being and strength of such families is an important social problem.

In the initial period of family life, the formally proclaimed marriage union is transformed into a truly family unit. A young family is a difficult time of creating common interests, needs, attitudes, tastes, habits. Family life is a serious life test for generosity, spiritual nobility, kindness and decency.

In Russia today, family conflicts are the least studied among all types of social conflicts. In the late 80s, N.V. Malyarova presented the role of conflict in the functioning of the family structure. In the same period, A.D. Tartakovsky described conflicts in the field of marriage and family relations and suggested the main ways to resolve them. V.A. Sysenko analyzed one of the types of family conflicts - marital, highlighting the causes of its occurrence, and A.I. Tashcheva considered attributive processes in marital conflicts. A.N. Volkova describes family conflicts from the point of view of psychological counseling. V.P. Levkovich and O.E. Zuskova applied a socio-psychological approach to the study of marital conflicts.

Family life is of paramount importance for a person, and the well-being of married life depends on how it develops, what role conflicts play in it and how they are resolved for each of the spouses. It depends on the person himself, on the ability of each of the spouses to manage themselves, to yield and compromise. These are not innate abilities, they are achieved as a result of a person's hard work on himself and, of course, education.

Different types of conflicts at different stages of the formation of a family have their own characteristics, their own stages, their own dynamics, their own peculiarities of resolution for each of the spouses. Prevention and resolution of family conflicts depends on all family members and, above all, on the conflicting parties - spouses.

The relevance and significance of the problem determines the setting of the goal, which is to study the main causes of family conflicts.

The subject of the study is the causes of family conflict.

The object of research is conflict.

Based on the goal, the following tasks are solved in the work:

Consider the work of foreign and domestic researchers using scientific literature on the topic under study;

To reveal the concept and functions of the family;

Determine the essence and content of the process of conflict in the family;

To reveal the main features of family conflicts and ways to correct them.

1. The concept of "family"

1 Definition and functions of the family

The role of the family in society is incomparable in its strength with any other social institutions, since it is in the family that a person’s personality is formed and develops, he masters the social roles necessary for painless adaptation of the child in society. The family acts as the first educational institution, the connection with which a person feels throughout his life.

It is in the family that the foundations of human morality are laid, the norms of behavior are formed, the inner world and individual qualities of the personality are revealed. The family contributes not only to the formation of personality, but also to the self-affirmation of a person, stimulates his social, creative activity, reveals individuality.

Domestic and foreign monographs devoted to the problems of family and marriage are no longer rare (E.G. Eidemiller, V.V. Yustitskis, B.N. Kochubey, V. Satir, D. Skinner, etc.). Most of the studies reflected the motives for marriage, the functions of the family, the causes of family conflicts and divorces, methods of family therapy. Of the well-known works, we can mention the studies of A.G. Kharchev and V.N. Druzhinin. The reason, apparently, lies in the fact that in-depth studies of family relations and the process of raising children in the family began only in the 20th century.

The family is a more complex system of relationships, it unites not only spouses, but also their children, as well as other relatives or just those close to spouses and the people they need.

According to the definition of A. I. Antonov, a family is a community of people based on a single family-wide activity, connected by bonds of matrimony-parenthood-kinship, and thereby carrying out the reproduction of the population and the continuity of family generations, as well as the socialization of children and the maintenance of the existence of family members.

There is no need to say what role the family plays in the life of an individual and society as a whole, its significance is great. Let us dwell on the most important integral characteristics of the family. They are its functions, structure and dynamics.

So, the functions of the family are the spheres of the life of the family directly related to the satisfaction of certain of its needs of its members.

The main functions of the family are:

Reproductive (reproduction of life, that is, the birth of children, the continuation of the human race);

Economic (social production of means of subsistence, restoration of the forces spent on production of their adult members, running their own economy, having their own budget, organizing consumer activity);

Educational (the formation of the personality of the child, the systematic educational impact of the family team on each of its members throughout his life, the constant influence of children on parents and other adult family members);

Communicative (family mediation in the contact of its members with the media, literature and art, the influence of the family on the diverse connections of its members with the natural environment and on the nature of its perception, the organization of intra-family communication, leisure and recreation).

M. S. Matskovsky supplements the main functions of the modern family with the following: household, social status, emotional, sexual, the sphere of primary social control, the sphere of spiritual communication.

In the modern family, the importance of such functions as emotional, the function of spiritual communication, sexual, erotic and educational has significantly increased.

Family functions undergo certain changes over time: some are lost, others appear in accordance with new social conditions, and others change their position in the overall structure. Family functions may be disrupted. In this case, its vital activity is disturbed, the performance of functions is difficult. A wide range of factors can contribute to violations: the characteristics of the personality of its members and the relationship between them, certain living conditions of the family.

2 Structure, dynamics and life cycle of the family

An analysis of the family structure makes it possible to answer the question of how the functions of the family are implemented: who in the family is in charge and who is the executor, how rights and obligations are distributed among family members.

There are many different options for the composition, or structure, of the family:

. the "nuclear family" consists of the husband, wife of their children;

. "replenished family" - an enlarged union in its composition: a married couple and their children, plus parents of other generations, for example, grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles, aunts, living all together or in close proximity to each other and making up the structure of the family;

. a "mixed family" is a "reorganized" family formed as a result of the marriage of divorced people. A blended family includes step-parents and step-children, since children from a previous marriage merge into a new family unit;

. A “single parent family” is a household that is run by a single parent (mother or father) because of divorce, the departure or death of a spouse, or because the marriage never took place.

E. A. Lichko developed the following classification of families:

Structural composition:

complete family (there is a mother and father);

incomplete family (there is only a mother or father);

a distorted or deformed family (the presence of a stepfather instead of a father or a stepmother instead of a mother).

Functional features:

harmonious family;

disharmonious family.

Violations of the family structure are such features of its structure that impede the performance of its functions. This may be an uneven distribution of household chores between spouses, tk. interferes with the satisfaction of the needs of one of the spouses in the formation of physical strength, in the satisfaction of spiritual needs. Another reason is family conflict.

Family dynamics. The functions and structure of the family may change depending on the stages of its development. There are various systems for highlighting the main stages of the family life cycle. Often such periodization is based on a change in the place of children in the family structure.

In modern domestic psychology, the periodization of E.K. Vasilyeva is known, which distinguishes 5 stages of the family life cycle.

Starting a family before the birth of a child. The most important tasks to be solved at this stage:

psychological adaptation of spouses to the conditions of family life and psychological characteristics of each other;

acquisition of housing and joint property;

building relationships with relatives.

The complex process of forming intra-family and out-of-family relations, the convergence of habits, ideas, values ​​at this stage proceeds very intensively and intensely. An indirect reflection of all these difficulties is the number and causes of divorces.

Birth and upbringing of children. This is an indirect stage of the life cycle - an established mature family, which includes minor children. In the life of the family, this is the time of the greatest household activity and the active transformation of the function of spiritual communication and emotional function. The spouses face the task of preserving the emotional and spiritual community in new conditions that differ from those in which the family was created. The formation of relationships took place in the field of leisure and entertainment. When both spouses are busy with everyday and professional duties, the spiritual and emotional community is much more manifested in the desire to help each other, mutual sympathy and emotional support. The educational function is especially significant at this stage. Ensuring the physical and spiritual development of children is felt by family members as the most important task during this period.

At this stage, various problems and violations arise. The main sources of family disruption are:

overload of one of the spouses or both, overstrain of their physical and moral forces;

the need to restructure emotional and spiritual relationships.

It is at this stage that various appearances of emotional cooling, adultery, sexual disharmony and divorce due to "disappointment in character" and love for another person are most often observed. The main violations here are related to educational difficulties.

The end of the family's educational functions;

The children live with their parents and at least one does not have a family of his own;

Spouses live alone or with children who have their own families.

At the same time, at each stage, its own tasks inherent only to this period are solved, respectively, and the characteristics of each period are quite specific.

Thus, the allocation of stages may be associated with the statistics of family crises. “It has been established,” Ch.S. Grizitskas and N.V. Malyarova write, “that during certain periods of change in the family life cycle, a tendency to crises and conflicts appears.”

3 Difficulties causing disruption of family relationships

Having considered the functions of the family, it is necessary to dwell on the factors that contribute to the violation of the implementation of family functions:

personal characteristics of family members (character, temperament, value orientations, etc.);

relationships between family members, as well as the level of cohesion and mutual understanding in the family;

certain family conditions.

The factors contributing to the violation of the implementation of the educational function of the family can be attributed:

incomplete family structure;

insufficient level of knowledge and skills of parents in raising children;

negative relationship between parents;

family conflict (not only on issues of education, but also on other issues related to family upbringing);

interference from relatives in the upbringing of children.

For the emergence and manifestation of family conflict, the following main points are characteristic. Throughout the life cycle, the family faces various difficulties and adverse conditions - illness, housing and household inconveniences, conflicts with the social environment, the consequences of broad social processes. In this regard, the family often faces difficult problems that can adversely affect its life. Research on the difficulties faced by the family goes in two directions:

First: the study of the family in the face of difficulties arising from the adverse effects of social processes: wars, economic crises, natural disasters, etc.

Second: the study of "normative stressors" - the difficulties encountered under normal conditions associated with the passage of the family through the main stages of the life cycle, as well as those arising from the action of factors that disrupt family life: long separation, divorce, death of one of the family members.

Family disorders are complex formations, including factors that cause them (difficulties faced by the family), adverse consequences for the family and its reactions (in particular, understanding of violations by family members).

Numerous difficulties that arise before the family and threaten its life can be divided into the following groups:

Acute: sudden death of a family member, news of adultery, and so on.

Chronic: excessive physical and mental stress at home and at work, long-term and persistent conflict between family members.

Associated with a sharp change in the lifestyle of the family (life stereotype). This group of psychological difficulties arises during the transition from one stage of the family life cycle to another (the appearance of a child).

Associated with the summation of difficulties, their "imposition" on each other: completion of education and mastering a profession, caring for a child.

Associated with the stages of the family life cycle (for example, the convergence of the ideologies of parental families among newlyweds).

Caused by unfavorable life cycle options: these are difficulties that arise when one of its members is absent from the family. The reason may be divorce, long separation, childlessness.

Situational influences on the family. Situational violations include difficulties that are relatively short-term, but endanger the functioning of the family (serious illness, large property losses). A significant role in the psychological impact of these difficulties is played by the factor of suddenness (the family is unprepared for the event), exclusivity (difficulties affecting many families are more easily experienced), as well as a sense of helplessness (family members are sure that they can do nothing to protect themselves in the future).

The most important consequence of all these disorders is the adverse effect on the mental health of individuals, which subsequently only exacerbates the family's unviability, the state of dissatisfaction, neuropsychic stress and inhibits the development of the individual.

Any family seeks to counteract and prevent adverse consequences. Sometimes difficulties have a mobilizing and integrating effect, and sometimes they weaken, strengthen the contradiction. This unequal resilience of families in relation to difficulties is explained in different ways.

Disharmony, destabilization of the family is the negative nature of marital relations, expressed in the conflict interaction of spouses and parents. The emerging family conflict is a complex phenomenon. The reasons for it, on the one hand, are violations in the system of interactions, their frigidity, competitive nature, formality, inequality, on the other hand, distortion in personal attitudes, role expectations, methods of perception.

2. Family conflicts and their characteristics

1 Characteristics of family conflicts

According to the definition of N. V. Grishina, a conflict is a bipolar phenomenon (confrontation of two principles), manifesting itself in the activity of the parties aimed at overcoming contradictions, and the parties are represented by an active subject (subjects).

Conflict is a common feature of social systems, it is inevitable and unavoidable, and therefore should be considered as a natural part of human life. Conflict can be accepted as one of the forms of normal human interaction. It does not always and everywhere lead to destruction; it is one of the main processes serving the preservation of the whole.

In psychology, conflict is understood as a mutual negative mental state of two or more people, characterized by hostility, negativism in relationships, caused by the incompatibility of their views, interests or needs. Conflicts can be open or hidden. Open conflicts take the form of a quarrel, scandal, fight, etc. Hidden conflicts do not have a bright external manifestation, this is internal discontent, but their influence on marital relations is no less noticeable than open ones. Features of conflicts in the family are expressed in the fact that the mental state of the spouses can turn into stressful, distorting the human psyche; negative experiences in the spiritual world of a person become aggravated, a state of emptiness may occur, in which everything seems indifferent.

Family conflicts are one of the most common forms of conflict. According to experts, 80-85% of families have conflicts, while the rest have quarrels on various occasions.

The uniqueness of family relations determines not only the specifics of the emergence and course of conflicts in the family, but also affects the social and mental health of all its members in a special way.

Family conflicts are a confrontation between family members based on a clash of opposing motives and views.

T.M. Mishina defines family conflicts as such an aggravation of interpersonal relations in a family group, when the positions, relationships, goals of the parties become incompatible, mutually exclusive, or are perceived as such. In the latter case, the conflict is subjective, there is no objective incompatibility - and, therefore, the possibility of restoring family balance on a new basis remains.

The conflict is caused by some difficult problem for the spouses. Conflicts are specific to different stages of family development. The most significant role of the conflict during the formation of the family, when the spouses are just beginning to adapt to each other. It is at this stage that it is important to determine the ways and means of resolving conflict situations. At the first stage of family development, when a system of values ​​is laid down and a family microculture is formed, the leisure function plays an important role. With the birth of a child, new problems arise that need to be resolved, and the household and educational function acquires special significance. At the stage of growing up of children, the retirement of spouses, relations in the family change, and the conflict has a different basis.

In psychology, the main types of conflicts are defined.

Allocate conflicts associated with the inability or unwillingness of the spouses to perform their role functions. For a happy life, each of the spouses is obliged to sacrifice part of their benefits and spend a significant part of their time and energy on creating and maintaining a family hearth. However, not every married couple is able to withstand the test of everyday family life.

In the initial period of family life, a difficult time comes to create common needs, interests, attitudes, tastes, habits. The strength of the marriage and the creation of a favorable climate for the further development of family relations largely depend on how young spouses are able to adapt, master new roles, create an atmosphere of mutual understanding and respect.

The main group of conflicts includes conflicts associated with the negative influence of the external environment, which leads to a deterioration in financial, housing and other conditions. Some of these conflicts are related to the inability or unwillingness of the spouses to adapt to changing living conditions, and some - to the lack of objective opportunities for such adaptation.

At the heart of family conflicts, that is, disharmonious interactions, are inadequacy of perception, an immature relationship of interdependence - relationships that serve to satisfy and maintain neurotic needs for rivalry, dominance, protection and guardianship.

The family can be seen as functional or dysfunctional.

A functional (healthy) family is characterized by a flexible hierarchical power structure, clearly articulated family rules, a strong parental coalition, intact intergenerational boundaries. A healthy family is a family in motion. Family rules are open and serve as positive guidelines for growth. A clear distance between generations is one of the components in the structure of a well-functioning family.

In a healthy family there is an atmosphere of love, honesty, naturalness. A normally functioning family is a family that performs its functions responsibly and differentially, as a result of which the need for growth and change is satisfied both for the family as a whole and for each of its members. A stable marriage is determined by the coincidence of interests and spiritual values ​​of the spouses and the contrast of their personal qualities, as well as the ability of family members to negotiate on all aspects of life together.

A dysfunctional family does not provide for the personal growth of each of its members. In dysfunctional families, the existence of any problems is denied, there is a lack of intimacy, family roles are rigid, individual identity is sacrificed for family identity. The atmosphere of the family is characterized by inconvenience, discomfort and coldness.

Dysfunctional families are characterized by the following problems:

wrong choice of partner;

incomplete relationship with the parental family;

loss of illusions;

experiencing confusion;

adultery and the threat of divorce;

civil marriage as an attempt to avoid responsibility.

2.2 Causes of conflicts

Disagreements happen in the family, and this is natural. After all, for a joint life, a man and a woman with individual mental differences, unequal life experiences, different views on the world, and interests unite; later, adults and children, representatives of three generations, were included in the orbit of family relations. And on a variety of issues, starting with where to spend a day off or vacation, and ending with which university to enter a son or daughter, there may be conflicting opinions.

The conflict, as a rule, is generated not by one, but by a complex of reasons, among which one can very conditionally single out the main one. For the main reason, that is, for the leading motive, the following groups of family conflicts that arise can be distinguished:

on the basis of an unsatisfied need for the value and significance of one's Self, a violation of the dignity of another partner;

on the basis of dissatisfaction with the sexual needs of one or both spouses;

having as their source the dissatisfaction of the needs of one or both spouses in positive emotions;

on the basis of the addiction of one of the spouses to alcohol, gambling, drugs;

due to financial disagreements arising from the exaggerated needs of one of the spouses;

on the basis of meeting the needs of the spouses in food, clothing, on the basis of the improvement of the hearth, as well as expenses for the personal needs of one of the spouses;

on the basis of different needs for recreation and leisure.

The presence of a communication problem and a communication barrier can be attributed to violations of information processes in the family.

Communication barrier - features of a family member who has a need, and its other members or features of their relationship, due to which the transfer of information is difficult.

The development of a communication problem is a set of processes that arise under its influence and lead to psycho-traumatic features of the family.

Of course, this classification does not cover the whole variety of family conflicts, but it makes it possible to systematize the main ones.

If we talk in detail about the causes of family conflicts, then they represent a wide range of circumstances, in particular:

background reasons (socio-political and socio-economic, affecting the value differences of family members, the standard of living of the family, its material and living situation);

socio-psychological (inter-role conflicts related to the distribution, regulation of the family budget);

moral and psychological (cases of treason, lies, double standard);

individual psychological (differences in health, sexual and psychological disorders).

Thus, a family problem is a situation in which a family needs to make a certain decision, and making this decision faces a significant difficulty for this family.

All of the above allows us to conclude that the ability to resolve family conflicts is, first of all, the ability to take a step towards another, the ability to change one's views and positions.

Correction of family relations

1 Explore the causes of family conflicts

In disharmonious and prosperous families, the same problems arise, but in the presence of mature family relationships, mutually positive behavior in situations requiring problem solving prevails. family conflict correction

It should be noted that not every marital conflict has a negative meaning. There are conflicts that help spouses develop common positions on controversial issues, learn and take into account the needs and interests of each other. Sometimes small fights can prevent a bigger conflict. Of course, the best way to resolve marital conflicts is to prevent their occurrence.

Roger Nudson and his colleagues invited married couples to come to the psychology lab at the University of Illinois and reenact one of their past conflicts. Before, during and after the conversation, they were closely observed and questioned. Couples who veer off topic by failing to clearly state their position as a spouse remain deluded that there is more harmony and understanding in their family than there really was. Often they came to the conclusion that now they have more agreement, when in reality it has become less. In contrast, those who stuck to the topic, clearly stating their own positions and considering each other's opinions, came to a real agreement and received more accurate information about each other's ideas. This helps to understand why couples in which spouses share their worries directly and openly tend to be happily married. From such research, new training programs for couples and children were born that teach constructive behavior in conflicts.

maintain a sense of personal dignity of husband and wife;

constantly demonstrate mutual respect and reverence;

try to arouse enthusiasm in the other spouse, restrain and pacify manifestations of anger, anger, irritability and nervousness;

do not focus on the mistakes and miscalculations of your life partner;

do not blame the past in general and past mistakes in particular;

increasing mental stress;

resolve emerging conflicts by distracting them to other safe topics with a joke or any distraction to remove or suspend;

do not torment yourself and your partner with suspicions of infidelity and treason, restrain yourself in manifestations of jealousy, muffling the suspicions that have arisen;

remember that in marriage and the family, the manifestation of extreme
patience, condescension, kindness, attention and other positive qualities. With regard to family conflicts, it is useful to listen to the recommendations of specialists in conflictology and interpersonal communication training. Destructive tactics (ignoring, belittling the partner's personality, egocentrism) should be avoided and positive ones should be used.

Family and family problems exist, but there is no developed theory and practice of family psychocorrection yet. Recently, both the number of different techniques and procedures used in working with families and their quality have increased, which is the result of the exchange of ideas in professional periodicals, at conferences, and in various centers for research on family assistance.

2 Methods for correcting family relationships

Among the methods of correction of family relations are the following:

Marriage conference. In this case, we are talking about the discussion by family members of a wide range of problems relating to their lives, as well as ways to solve various family issues. The methodology is a meeting held regularly with a married couple or family, within which equal opportunities are provided for the participation of all family members. This is a method designed to improve intra-family relationships and increase their intensity, see Appendix A.

Family choreography. It is aimed at restructuring relationships in the nuclear family; tracking negative patterns of behavior and stopping their action, consistently depicting behavioral acts leading to an increase in conflict.

Family sculpture. This is a method for determining the place of an individual in the intra-family system of relationships, see Appendix B.

Comparison of values. This technique is based on a systematic approach and assumes that any relationship in the family can be considered as integral. The methodology defines values ​​and social roles as an integral part of the socio-psychological process and is based on the perception and mutual explanations of members of a married couple or family.

It aims to identify the values ​​that influence intra-family relationships, and provides an opportunity for both psychologists and clients to gain access to the problems, similarities, differences and complementary positions that exist in a given family.

This technique is most effective for helping family members communicate effectively with each other; clarifying suspicions about the fact that someone does not appreciate; suspicion of manipulation.

The technique is used in the first stages of working with a family, if clients have the feeling that someone is using another client, suffers from the indifference attitude of another client, or there is a feeling that there are difficulties in their relationship.

Poetry acts as an intermediary in the correctional process and helps to express those feelings that, for one reason or another, are scary, uncomfortable, uncomfortable for clients to express in other forms. The use of poetry is proposed as a tool to enable a married couple to express themselves in unique and non-threatening ways, to adequately realize the ability to verbally express emotions, to bring more positive aspects to interaction with each other, as well as to change and communicate effectively. It should be noted that clients who are not inclined to express their thoughts in words may experience significant difficulties with this technique.

It should be said that many psychologists use various corrective techniques for working with families in their arsenal. However, the issue of providing assistance to a particular family depends on each specific situation. In the application of any technique, the time aspect, the application procedure, the skill and qualification of the psychologist who uses this material are important.

Conclusion

All of the above allows us to conclude that the family is the most important universal human value, in which the conditions for the existence of the human community itself are consistent with high social, natural and spiritual expediency. The family is a way of life that mankind has developed throughout its existence. The family is the most important condition for the functioning of the entire social structure of society; it contains a powerful potential for influencing the processes of social development.

Whenever two people interact, their perceived needs and goals can lead to conflict. Many social problems arise when people pursue selfish interests.

The problem of misunderstanding in marital relations, in other words, family problems, has occupied a very prominent place in Russian psychological science in the last ten years. From year to year, the number of research and publications is growing, special symposia are held, dissertations are successfully defended, reports are made at conferences of various kinds. The scientific and practical significance of the family as an object of psychological research and influence predetermines the further growth of attention to this topic.

It is now widely believed that in our country, and throughout the world, there is such a problem as a “family crisis”: the number of divorces is increasing; delayed marriage and the birth of children; alternative options for organizing family life are spreading, in particular, unregistered marriages and illegitimate births.

The family crisis is caused by selfishness, the desire for absolute independence and self-sufficiency, the chairman of the Department for External Church Relations of the Moscow Patriarch, Metropolitan Hilarion of Volokolamsk, is convinced.

The results of the study made it possible to draw the main conclusions:

The family is still relevant, just its meaning and functions in our lives are changing. It turns into an individual project based on the personal choice of responsibility of each of us. Modern men and women should understand the purpose for which they should share their lives with another person.

The sources of violation of family relations are, as a rule, the clash of different ideas of the husband and wife about the goals of the family, about the specific content of its functions and methods for their implementation, about the distribution of roles in the family.

It is necessary to develop those diagnostic procedures that ensure the study of the most pressing problems now, especially in the future.

Family and family problems exist in our country. Recently, both the number of different techniques and procedures used in working with families and their quality have increased, which is the result of the exchange of ideas in professional periodicals, at conferences, and in centers for research on family assistance.

Studies of interpersonal marital relations, conducted by both domestic and foreign experts, convince us of one thing: it is impossible to make people happy. But the methods developed by specialists and tested methods of psychodiagnostics of marital relations convince of the main thing: you can help married couples survive in a family that they still cherish, give each other one more chance to start all over again and, perhaps more piercingly than ever, feel the meaning of family life.

The family in our time is not a luxury: in a complex, changing world, we are more acute than before, we need this support. However, paradoxically, today we are less ready to build it, to invest time and energy in its development and preservation.

Glossary

№ p / p Concept Definition 1231 The life cycle of a family is the period from the emergence of a family until the moment it ceases to function 2 Communication barrier features of a family member who has a need and other members of it or features of their relationship, due to which the transfer of information is difficult 3 Family dynamics is a life cycle that begins from the moment of marriage resistance of the participants in the conflict, and usually accompanied by negative emotions, going beyond the rules and norms families 8 Family conflicts - confrontation between family members based on a clash of opposing motives and views 9 Family disorders are complex formations that include factors that cause them (difficulties faced by the family), adverse consequences for the family and its reactions (in particular, understanding violations by family members) 10 Family relations are a complex phenomenon, a complex mental reality, including both mythological and modern levels of consciousness, and individual and collective, ontogenetic, sociogenetic and phylogenetic foundations 10 Family organized social group<#"justify">, whose members are connected in common life<#"justify">, mutual moral responsibility and social necessity, which is due to the need of society for physical and spiritual self-reproduction 11 Family structure the number and composition of family members, as well as the totality of relations between its members 12 Family functions sphere of life, which is associated with the satisfaction of family members of their specific needs

List of sources used

Andreeva T.V. Family psychology. - St. Petersburg: Speech, 2007. - 384 p. - ISBN 5-9268-0655-0

Galaguzova M.A.; Galaguzova Yu.N. Shtinova G.N. Social Pedagogy. - M.: VLADOS, 2008. - 416s. - ISBN 978-5-691-01650-9

Dmitriev A.V. Conflictology: textbook - Ed. 3rd, revised. - M.: Alfa-M; INFRA-M, 2009. - 336 p. - ISBN 978-5-98281-189-9 ("Alfa-M") ISBN 978-5-16-003725-7 ("INFRA-M")

Efimova N.S. Psychology of communication. Workshop on psychology: textbook. - M.: Publishing House "Forum": INFRA-M, 2009. - 192 p. - ISBN978-5-8199-0249-3

Osipova A.A. General psychocorrection. - M.: TC Sphere, 2005. - 512s. - ISBN 5-89144-100-4

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Typology of conflicts

“The conflict, as a rule, is generated not by one, but by a complex of reasons, among which one can very conditionally single out the main one. For the main reason, i.e. according to the leading motive, the following groups of family conflicts arising as a result can be distinguished:

· The aspirations of one or both spouses to realize in marriage, first of all, personal needs (a developed focus “on oneself”, i.e. selfishness);

· Strongly developed material needs of one or both spouses;

Dissatisfaction with self-esteem;

The presence of one or both spouses inflated self-esteem;

· Discrepancies in the ideas of the spouses about the content of the roles of husband, wife, father, mother, head of the family;

· Inability of spouses to communicate with each other, with relatives, friends and acquaintances, work colleagues;

· Inability of spouses to understand the reasons causing undesirable behavior of one of them, resulting in mutual misunderstanding;

Unwillingness of one of the spouses to participate in housekeeping

farms;

· The unwillingness of one of the spouses to engage in the upbringing of children or disagreement of views on the methods of their upbringing;

Differences in the types of temperament of the spouses and the inability to take into account the type of temperament in the process of interaction” 34, p.9

This typology allows us to present various areas of family life that cause controversy.

Conflict can be both constructive and destructive.

“Constructive conflict is characterized by the following features:

· The problem is resolved on the basis of integration, compromise and taking into account the interests of all family members;

· As a result, relations between spouses are strengthened, mutual understanding improves and the ability to effectively resolve new conflicts increases, reduces the level of conflict in the family as a whole;

After that, the emotional climate in the family as a whole and the emotional status of each family member improve: anxieties, fears, and tensions disappear” 16, p.99

As Aleshina Yu.E. notes: “The signs of a constructive conflict are the emergence of a mutually acceptable solution and a sense of satisfaction as a result of a conflict clash” 3, p.61

A destructive conflict, in contrast to a constructive one, is characterized by the fact that:

· The problem is not solved - there is either complete subordination of one participant in the conflict to another, the forceful imposition of their own version of the solution to the problem, or it is solved formally, or there is a departure from the problem - interruption of the conflict (an imaginary truce);

· The contradictory needs and interests persist, the needs of a family member who emerged from the conflict “defeated” remain unsatisfied;

The result is emotional alienation, distancing, feelings of loneliness, anxiety, hopelessness (when

conflicts are piling up). becoming chronic, this situation can lead to neuroticism and depression.

Thus, a constructive conflict is a conflict where “there are no losers and winners”, where both sides win, and a destructive one is “the winner imposes his will on the vanquished” 16, p.99 Aleshina Yu.E. adds: “A sign of a destructive conflict is dissatisfaction with the outcome of conflict interaction, a sense of the inevitability of new clashes, the remaining emotional stress. Such conflicts reduce marital satisfaction among spouses, causing a feeling of misunderstanding, tension, irritation and annoyance” 3, p.61

Depending on the dynamics of development, Yu.E. Aleshina 3, p.62 and O.A. Karabanova 16, p.99 give a typology of conflicts proposed by R. Govd. They are divided into three groups:

1. Actual - currently being implemented and directly related to a specific problem (conflicts are expressed in bright flashes caused by some momentary reason)

2. Progressive - the scale and intensity of the confrontation in such a conflict is growing more and more (they arise when people cannot adapt to each other for a long time, as a result of which tension grows)

3. Habitual - such a conflict arises for any reason and is characterized by emotional fatigue of partners who do not make real efforts to resolve them (associated with established contradictions in relations between spouses, which, due to prevailing stereotypes of behavior, can no longer be practically eliminated by them themselves)

“Behind habitual conflicts, as a rule, deep contradictions are hidden, suppressed and forced out of consciousness” Assessing the impact of these types of conflict on the relationship of spouses, we can conclude that “actual conflicts serve the development of relations more than progressive and habitual ones” 3, p.62

“In terms of severity, conflicts can be open, clearly manifested in behavior and implicit, hidden. The latter pose a particular danger, as they lead to a communication problem, when the true cause of the conflict is not the subject of discussion and often is not even realized” 16, p. In this regard, even a conflict that is too emotionally colored is better than a hiddenly smoldering, but never-ending source of disagreement. The secrecy and isolation of one of the partners deals a devastating blow to the well-being of the family. There is a feeling of alienation, but it is impossible to understand the reasons.

Sysenko V.A. gives a typology of conflicts, considered from the point of view of the needs of the spouses. “Conflicts on the basis of unsatisfied needs formed the basis of the proposed classification.

1. Conflicts, quarrels arising on the basis of dissatisfaction with the need for the value and significance of one's "I", a violation of the sense of dignity on the part of the other partner, his dismissive, disrespectful attitude. Insults, insults, unfounded criticism.

2. Conflicts, quarrels, mental stress based on unsatisfied sexual needs of one or both spouses. They can have a different basis: the reduced sexuality of one of the spouses, the discrepancy between the cycles and rhythms of the emergence of sexual desire; illiteracy of spouses in matters of mental hygiene of married life; male impotence or female frigidity; various diseases of spouses; severe chronic physical and nervous overwork of one of the spouses, etc.

3. Mental stress, depression, conflicts, quarrels, having as their source the dissatisfaction of the needs of one or both spouses in positive emotions; lack of affection, care, attention and understanding. Psychological alienation of spouses.

4. Conflicts, quarrels, quarrels on the basis of addiction of one of the spouses to alcohol, gambling and other hypertrophied needs, leading to uneconomical and inefficient, and sometimes useless spending of family money.

5. Financial disagreements arising from the exaggerated needs of one of the spouses. Questions of the mutual budget, maintenance of the family, the contribution of each of the partners to the material support of the family.

6. Conflicts, quarrels, quarrels on the basis of meeting the needs of the spouses in food, clothing, on the basis of the improvement of the home, as well as expenses for the personal needs of each of the spouses.

7. Conflicts based on the need for mutual assistance, mutual support, cooperation and cooperation, as well as those related to the division of labor in the family, housekeeping, childcare.

8. Conflicts, quarrels, quarrels based on different needs and interests in recreation and leisure activities, various hobbies. 33, p.12-13

The content of conflicts is influenced by age-related changes in spouses and various stages of the family life cycle. At different periods of family life, there are various "specific" circumstances inherent in this stage. Typical, at this stage, conflicts come from this. “In young married couples, a frequent cause of conflicts is vacation plans, the style of spending it” 3, p. 62 This time is the most acute for divorces. There is a process of mutual adaptation, previously unknown character traits of partners are revealed, ideas about an ideal marriage are crumbling. Attempts to remake each other lead to an aggravation of relations. Mutual reproaches and claims, demands placed on another characterize the relationship in a young family.

“With the advent of children, spouses more often have quarrels about the peculiarities of their upbringing, as well as the distribution of money” 3, p.62

The third moment of crisis comes when the couple have lived together for 17-25 years. It is characterized by the loss of the sharpness of relationships, when everything becomes ordinary and routine. Feeling the loss of love leads to a lot of divorce in this period.

The phenomenon of adultery and its causes

Cheating affects the area of ​​marital feelings, being the antipode of love. For a modern family, love is the most important motive for marriage, often the only basis for the creation and existence of a family. Cheating reflects various contradictions, conflicts, disharmony between spouses. Adultery can be found in families with successful and stable relationships, more often in conflict families with problems, as well as in families with critical, almost destroyed relationships between spouses.

The motive of “treason” is observed most often in the dissolution of young marriages, which rather indicates the immaturity, frivolity of the spouses, a lack of understanding of family values ​​and such a concept as “the sacredness of family ties”. Ethical education and the general culture of people play a huge role here. At all times, the culture of a man, his honor and dignity were determined by the culture of his relationship to a woman. True culture is to see and respect in a woman, first of all, a person, friend and personality.

Motives for cheating in husbands

The same origin and sexual relations, provoked by the temporary absence of a wife - leaving on a business trip, on vacation, etc. The departure of the wife was regarded by some of the respondents as sufficient grounds for looking for a temporary replacement for her.

Alcohol intoxication, especially its mild degree, increases sexual desire and weakens internal prohibitions. This condition was considered by many men as a direct cause of extramarital affairs. It is more correct to regard it as contributing to this circumstance.

In third place (in descending order of importance) is love for another woman. Curiosity is not limited to young people having sex for the first time: it drives one in ten of the men who have extramarital affairs.

In some cases, men enter into extramarital affairs during quarrels with their wives, in the heat of the moment, out of a desire to take revenge and assert themselves.

Some have become, they say, "victims" of women's persistence. But the largest group were those who did not want to analyze what prompted them to have extramarital affairs.

It is natural to think that dissatisfaction with marital relationships should stimulate extramarital activity. as the main motives for this dissatisfaction, the lack of mutual feeling and the inexperience of the wife as a sexual partner were indicated.

Motives for cheating wife

marital dissatisfaction. The significance of this motive for women is also confirmed by other data: among women who had extramarital affairs, only 1/3 were satisfied with marriage and 2/3 were unsatisfied.

The much greater weight of love for an extramarital partner as a motive for an extramarital affair is quite consistent with this: a woman who is not satisfied in marriage seeks serious affection in extramarital relationships ...

However, extramarital relations significantly complicate the possibility of resolving problems in marriage and often lead to its breakup.

New love. This reason for adultery is typical for marriages where love was insignificant or completely absent (reasonable, rational or forced marriages based on profit, fear of loneliness).

Retribution. With the help of treason, the desire to avenge the infidelity of the spouse is realized in order to restore self-esteem.

Broken love. There is no reciprocity in marriage. One of the spouses suffers from rejection of his love, irresponsibility of feeling. This prompts to quench the feeling in another partnership where reciprocity is possible. Sometimes the cheater himself does not love the new partner, but responds to his feeling, sympathizes with the person who loves him unrequitedly.

The search for new love experiences, as a rule, is typical for spouses with significant experience, when feelings have faded. Or in families with such normality, when everything possible is taken from life. An option may be to imitate the “beautiful life” of foreign models, sexual freedom.

Memory. With the help of marital infidelity, a person compensates for the lack of love relationships that arises due to the influence of long separations, illness of the spouse and other restrictions on the fullness of love in marriage.

The total breakdown of the family. betrayal here is actually the result of creating a new family, when the first family is perceived as unviable.

Casual relationship, when betrayal is not characterized by regularity and deep love experiences. Usually it is provoked by certain circumstances (persistence of the “partner”, “opportunity”, etc.).

What is the difference between unfaithful husbands and unfaithful wives?

According to M. Hunt, the majority of unfaithful husbands consider their marriage quite successful, while the majority of unfaithful wives consider it unhappy. These findings have also been confirmed by other psychologists.

Most men are looking for a sexual adventure in marital infidelity: they crave a fresh sensation, a new body (usually younger) - everything that re-energizes their blood.

Most women look for feeling and friendship in adultery: at first, they usually become attached emotionally, not physically. Of the women who have lovers in the service, 81% put friendship and the trust of a lover in the first place, and only in second place was sex.

Married men have extramarital affairs, as a rule, numerous, but short - only for sex.

Women go longer to their betrayal

The main problems of intergenerational relationships in the family

Accordingly, intergenerational conflicts in the family are, first of all, conflicts between parents and children, grandparents and grandchildren. Obviously, intergenerational conflicts can be attributed to conflicts between the parental and young families (including along the lines of “mother-in-law-daughter-in-law”, “mother-in-law-son-in-law”, etc.), as well as between family members who are permanently or for a certain period of time legally equated to blood relatives, for example, between adoptive parents and adopted, foster parents and children.

The conflict is interpreted in domestic sociology as a clash of opposing interests, goals, views, ideologies between individuals or social groups; the highest stage of development of contradictions in the system of relations between people and social institutions.

It seems that these definitions are quite applicable to intergenerational family conflicts.

The family, being one of the most important elements of the social structure, is considered in modern domestic sociology as an association of people based on marriage or consanguinity, connected by common life and mutual responsibility.

Family relations are relations between spouses, parents and children, other relatives, and the family is represented by the unity of marriage, parenthood and kinship.

To this it is necessary, in my opinion, to add that the family can include relationships based not only on marriage and kinship, but also on adoption (adoption). Although legally the latter is equated with consanguinity, in fact it is not. Therefore, from the standpoint of the conflict of generations, consanguinity or adoption (adoption) can be of fundamental importance in the study and work with the family.

In addition, in modern society, sexual, marital and reproductive behavior are not always linked together into a single behavior aimed at the creation and functioning of the family. The so-called family groups are also widespread, in which at least one of the elements from the trinity of “marriage-parenthood-kinship” is missing (single parent, childless marriage, spouses with one child, etc.). Moreover, cohabitation without marriage registration is increasingly common, sometimes not excluding the joint birth and (or) upbringing of children.

Nevertheless, in the public mind, such forms of cohabitation and housekeeping are often assigned the meaning of “family”: an incomplete family (without one of the spouses), a childless family (in relation to a married couple without children), an “ordinary family” (i.e., a married couple with one child who does not have an element of “kinship” due to the absence of brothers and sisters in a child), “civil marriage” (in relation to cohabitation, although marriage is a civil marriage that has passed the state registration and having corresponding legal consequences), etc.

Perhaps this indicates the increased loyalty of society to various forms of family life that do not cause an obvious sharp contradiction to today's social order. In modern Ukraine, the ordinary understanding of the family not only goes beyond the scientific, including various forms of family groups and cohabitation, but is even used in the practice of state and public structures. Therefore, in the study of family conflicts of generations, we cannot ignore this fact.

Family conflict refers to certain relationships between family members, generated by the contradictions of its development and functioning as a system through which they are resolved. Family conflicts include conflicts between spouses, parents and children, conflicts with representatives of the older generation. Family conflict arises over the fulfillment by the family of its functions, the psychological structure of family relations, the definition of family goals and development tasks at each stage of the family life cycle, the system of family values ​​and its correspondence to individual values ​​of family members. Family conflict is perceived and experienced by family members as a divergence, a clash of their interests, goals, needs, etc.. [

24. Motives of family education and parental positions

In our work, we studied the motives of upbringing in the course of a psychological analysis of biographical information, texts of essays (“Portrait of my child”, “I am a parent”), as well as on the basis of observations of the joint game of parents with children in the presence of a psychologist. This information was clarified in the process of psychotherapy itself. As a result, a psychological description of the motives characterizing the upbringing practiced in families with preneurotic conditions was compiled.

The types of parenting motives characteristic of our contingent of parents can be divided into two large groups. These are motives, the emergence of which is more connected with the life experience of parents, with memories of their own childhood experience, with their personal characteristics, and motives for education, which arise to a greater extent as a result of marital relations.

The first category includes the following motives: education as a realization of the need for the meaning of life; education as a realization of the need for achievement; education as the realization of overvalued ideals or certain qualities.

It should be noted that this division is, of course, conditional, in the real life of the family, all these motivational tendencies emanating from one or both parents and from their marital relations are intertwined in daily interaction with the child, in the life of each family. However, the above distinction is useful, as it allows, when constructing the correction of motivational structures, to make the personality of the parents the center of psychological influence in one family, and in another - to direct the impact to a greater extent on marital relations.

We turn to the description of the selected motives of education.

Psychological analysis of biographical material shows that for some parents (for both mothers and fathers) education has become the main activity, the motive of which is to realize the need, the meaning of life. As you know, the satisfaction of needs is connected with the substantiation for oneself of the meaning of one's being, with a clear, practically acceptable and deserving of the approval of the person himself, the direction of his action. For many parents, the meaning of life is expressed in caring for the child, his upbringing. Parents do not always realize this, believing that the purpose of their life is elsewhere, but they feel happy and joyful only in direct communication with the child, in matters related to caring for the child. Such parents are characterized by an attempt to create and maintain a close personal distance with the child, and the age-related natural distance of the child, the increase in the subjective significance of other people for him is perceived unconsciously as a threat to his own needs.

In parental writings, one can find the words that “when the eldest child grew up, life lost its meaning, and we decided to have a second one.” Such parents are characterized by the position of "guardians", they seek to merge their lives with the lives of children. A striking example is a mother who takes care of her child too much, for a long time does everything for him that he is able to do on his own (dresses, feeds, washes). As a result, she receives the required feeling of her own necessity and, with unusual persistence, prevents any manifestation of the child's independence. Usually, such parents are especially jealous of the child’s play sessions with a psychologist, they try to show that the child does not want to play on their own, they try to stay with a group of people playing in the play room for a long time even when the child does not need it at all, and if the children ask their parents to leave, then they all the lesson stand under the door, listen to everything that happens.

The other group of parents in education is dominated by a motive that realizes the need for achievement. In these cases, the motivation of upbringing is reduced to the achievement of specifically formulated goals; often the choice of these goals is not fully realized for parents, but is clearly connected with achievements in one's own life, sometimes by similarity, more often by contrast. Many parents proceed from the motive of the child's achievement in life of all that they failed for various reasons. The father wanted to become a biologist - now the child is instilled with a love for animals, the mother dreamed of playing the piano - the child has been learning music since childhood. In such families, children join various activities very early, attend a large number of circles, studios, sports sections, and the interests, inclinations and inclinations of the child himself are not always taken into account. Orientation to achievements often distorts the image of the child in the eyes of parents, "noises" the individuality of perception. And communication with children itself loses the qualities of spontaneity and naturalness, and most of all begins to resemble training, coaching. The requirements of the result exceed the need for pleasure, joy from classes. Under the influence of the achievement motive in education, the importance of social requirements and standards increases to the detriment of emotional richness in relations with the child. Love for a child acquires a conditional character and is connected to a large extent with the assessment of his achievements in a particular activity.

Destabilization and disintegration of family relations

August 3, 2012 by revo in Human psychology, Family and health

Unfortunately, family life is not always a source of joy, it cannot always run smoothly and smoothly, there are many difficulties that families often face. And not every family can constructively solve and overcome them, as a result of which the “family ship” cracks and sinks. This problem is very relevant, especially in our time, when family misunderstandings related to moral, psychological, economic and other factors are increasingly arising.

The study of violations of relations in the family and their causes was carried out by: Burova S.N., V. Vaikule, S.S. Sedelnikov, D.M. Chechet, L.V. Chuiko.

The most common reasons for the destabilization of family relations are: lack of common interests, premarital pregnancy, psychological unpreparedness for marriage, unjustified expectations regarding marriage, distribution of family responsibilities, etc.

Factors that disrupt family relationships and increase the risk of divorce include: a fairly early or late age of marriage, high personal conflict of one or both marriage partners, infidelity, sexual dissatisfaction in marriage, lack of trust in family relationships; alcohol or drug use; living together with the parents of one of the spouses.

Quite often, misunderstanding and family conflicts lead to divorce. Divorce is the dissolution of a marriage, its legal termination during the life of the spouses. This is the result of a crisis relationship of a married couple.

Thus, E. Tiit distinguishes 3 groups of risk factors for divorce: primary risk factors (individual typological characteristics of marriage partners, family life experience of the grandparents, the state of somatic and neuropsychic health).

The second group is determined by the history of the creation of a family, the conditions of acquaintance, the characteristics of the premarital period, and the motivation for marriage.

And the third group reflects the unfavorable conditions for the functioning of the family (housing, material, deviant behavior of the spouse, sexual disharmony, etc.).

There are the following stages of divorce: stage of denial; stage of anger; negotiation stage, depression stage; stage of adaptation.

Stephen Duck distinguishes 4 phases of the breakdown of emotional relationships: intra-psychic (internal); inter - mental (between spouses) or dyadic - partners discuss their relationship, social phase - other people (relatives, parents) are involved in the process of family breakdown.

To avoid many mistakes allows the observance of the basic principles of joint married life.

So, in any dynamic system from time to time there are conflict, crisis situations. And with the inability or unwillingness to seek their constructive, compromise solution, family relations are violated. However, taking into account the partner's opinion, the ability to consider the situation from different angles, the ability to offer various options and ways to resolve "collisions" will help maintain harmony and well-being in family relationships.