A classic problem that arises for a couple several months and sometimes years after marriage. When you met, he seemed very cool and interesting to you, the kind that you wouldn’t find during the day. And so Time passes, you suddenly realize that you two are bored. While he is watching football, you are doing handicrafts, while he is talking about his work days, you are thinking about training, while he is planning your vacation in the forest, you are dreaming about shopping, etc. As a result, it turns out that you are interested in one thing, and he is interested in something completely different. This leads to you spending a lot of time separately, each doing what he likes. Time spent together often comes down to short conversations, silence, or simply being together. Of course, the situation described is a little exaggerated, but in many respects it corresponds to reality.

• The love has passed. As long as there is a feeling of love, we do not notice shortcomings and big differences in interests. They unite feelings and interest in each other. Once it wears off, the difference becomes noticeable. This reason is the most common.
• Interests have changed. They can change for one person or for both spouses. As a rule, they change under the influence of friends, as they grow older and change values ​​and priorities.
• The influence of everyday life. Everyday life eats up feelings - these words are probably familiar to you. In the endless chain of “home-work-home-work” people lose the desire to do something and become interested.
• The appearance of a child. The baby becomes the woman’s main interest; everything else often fades into the background. At this time, everything remains the same for the man. The result is different interests.
• Change of social circle. When you or your husband make new acquaintances, this leads to a subconscious interest in what new friends do and live. In turn, this leads to the emergence of new hobbies.

As a result, there is the following situation: you want to establish relationships again, find something pleasant in common
thing, but you don't know how to do it. Each of you lives in your own little world, minds your own business, and your feelings slowly fade away under the pressure of everyday life. If you don’t want to continue like this, take everything into your own hands and fix the situation urgently!

The first thing you need to do is get your husband's attention. Change something in your appearance, demonstrate new habits (pleasant ones), change your behavior or schedule. Become his new interest yourself. This is a very effective option. Having seen the changes, he will certainly want to know more, which means you are on the right track.

Your second step will be to analyze his interests. Find out what interests him most and what he spends a lot of time on. And focus on this, slightly altering it in your own way. Does he like football? Put on the uniform of his favorite team and go seduce! Loves computer games? Buy him the one he has been playing for a long time, and try to play with him: if not in the team, then just support and cheer. Are you a food lover? Surprise him with culinary experiments. Start simple - introduce new ingredients into everyday dishes. Does he talk about work all the time and really love it? Listen carefully, ask questions, show that you care. It’s good if you remember the names of several of his colleagues and can even maintain a conversation in the style of “How are you doing with Seryozha? Is he no longer sulking at you for the project you took away?” Let your husband know that you are interested in him too. This is the basics.

Your next step will be to have a peaceful conversation with your husband.. Find out what he would like to do in his free time, what he would like to devote you to (for example, the intricacies of a computer game). Tell him your wishes too. It's good if you find something in common. However, in most cases you will have to make a compromise.

It is very important not to go too far . It is not necessary to do something interesting every day - it is tiring and is unlikely to bring the desired result. Therefore, go to the cinema on Monday, fishing on Tuesday, shopping on Wednesday, football on Thursday, etc. no need.

Compromise nuances

When looking for common interests, you must understand that no one should be disadvantaged. If you compromise, then equally so. Here are the best options:

It is very important that you learn to not only listen to each other, but also hear. When your words are answered not with the usual “uh-huh”, but with a lively reaction, you want to spend more time with such a person, reach out to him.

Sometimes the solution lies in a rather unusual approach for such a situation. Try to live separately for a while, if possible. You may need some time to sort yourself out. In addition, a short separation will help you get bored: you and your husband will be reunited with refreshed feelings, with a new perspective on things. The main thing is to do it by mutual agreement and on a pleasant note.

Warning signs

When the question of a lack of common interests arises, you must figure out whether this problem is imaginary or real. What should you be wary of:

• Suddenness . If everything was fine, and then your husband declared that you have no common interests, this is at least strange.
• Husband's reluctance to find a way out of the situation . This may indicate either his selfishness, or that it is not profitable for him to establish relationships, to look for those same unifying interests. Perhaps because this way he plays the role of a victim and therefore can get more.
• Lack of common interests is a reason for scandals and the first step to divorce . If you notice this trend, you need to have a serious conversation. And not about interests, but about your relationship in general.

It could be a completely different situation. Perhaps your husband is already satisfied with everything, he is happy with what he has. The issue of lack of common interests is centered only around your desires and thoughts, assessment of your life. In this case, just look for a new hobby and share your impressions with your husband. This will make him want to be a part of something exciting in your life without stressing too much.

In general, perhaps searching for common interests may not be necessary for either of you. Assess its feasibility and necessity. If you feel good anyway, don’t waste your time and energy, but enjoy family happiness.

First you need to understand that the interests of a man and a woman are at different levels and, in principle, do not coincide. Men's interests are focused on the physical and intellectual level (hunting, competitions, business, wrestling), women's interests are focused on the emotional and spiritual (love, relationships, harmony, internal balance). We are created different to complement each other. It is not expected that a woman will suddenly become interested in motorcycles and fights without rules. But a man will be happy if a woman can share his EMOTIONS with them.

So, a few tips to help you be closer to each other:

- don’t devalue. The phrase “this stupid football of yours,” said with a contemptuous grimace, means: “Your interests are stupid because you are a fool.” Respect a man and his interests, then you have the right to count on his respect.

- show active interest: ask the man to explain the meaning of the process, refrain from devaluing “this is incomprehensible and therefore boring” and expressive grimaces of disgust. You don't have to go into detail. It is enough to simply be interested in the hobbies of your loved one.

— share his emotions with him. If your husband's football team wins, rejoice with him. Not for winning, but because he is happy. Close relationships are when you share emotions. A man will see you as a member of his pack, his team, his like-minded person. For a man, a commonality of ideas (intellectual level) is a close relationship.

- do not try to impose your interests. If a man sees that your hobby, for example, in psychology, improves your relationship (read - you understand male psychology better), he himself will show interest in this. It is important to show that this is practical, and not just nice words and emotions.

Please enable JavaScript to view the Of course, you can brush aside such annoying little things, but it is precisely over such trifles that the strongest couples quite often fall apart, and minor troubles and discrepancies in desires significantly spoil relationships. Therefore, if you value your love, then you should look for common interests and hobbies with your soulmate.

If your partner likes to read, then try to get interested in the same genre of literature. Talk to your significant other, you may hear a lot of interesting things for yourself, and new topics for discussion will undoubtedly bring many pleasant moments in communication.

Try not to criticize your partner's hobbies, because every adult has his own preferences. For example, if your husband watches hockey with enthusiasm, and you like to embroider, then sit next to him on the sofa and do your favorite thing. Meanwhile, your husband will be delighted that he will be able to express his emotions to a grateful listener, and you will boast of a new landscape on beautiful embroidery. Just do this during advertising, otherwise there is a danger of causing resentment from your partner.

Almost everyone loves winter sports. But if one of you doesn’t like skiing or skating too much, then walking outside will definitely not hurt him. Go to a ski resort together; such a vacation will be good for your health and strengthen your relationship.

Listen to your significant other more, because every person needs a good interlocutor. Don’t interrupt, don’t talk incessantly, know how to not only talk, but also listen carefully. Even if you and your partner are completely different people in your hobbies, you will still be close, because an attentive and grateful listener will be able to win your partner’s favor and trust.

Try not to criticize your partner's favorite hobby. It would be much smarter and more correct to learn a little more about this hobby yourself. But even if you are not at all interested in this, then do not interfere with your other half doing what you love. In general, every person has the right to his own interests.

Spend more time together, go on vacation, communicate with your partner’s family and friends. Just don’t be too pushy, everything should happen gradually. Grumble less, ask more and be interested, because if you fall in love with this particular person, it means that he should be interesting to you in many ways.

www.justlady.ru

Are common interests the key to a long-lasting relationship?

Do you think common interests are the key to a good and happy relationship? Most women will answer yes. But is this really so? Let's figure it out.

Common interests

In fact, finding common interests and maintaining a balance so that both you and the man feel good is the most important thing. There is just one “but” - it is impossible to achieve this balance. In her desire to do everything to make a man feel good, a woman forgets about herself, and as a result, a certain pattern arises - a woman needs a man much more than he needs her.

At a minimum, because a woman wants much more from a man than he does from her: time, care, children, marriage. And even more, she wants joint action, and this is largely due to female monogamy. Men tend to choose one woman for sex, another for hanging out, and a third for marriage. And a woman has one man for all occasions.

And the only way to find the right man is to limit yourself in your needs. Put on “rose-colored glasses” and live as you supposedly want. And many women succeed in this, because the less demanding a woman is, the more chances she has to get married.

But as soon as a woman increases her demands, from the point of view of the modern world she simply imagines a lot about herself. Therefore, there is an opinion that the female lot is difficult precisely because of the inability to choose one.

And in order to somehow change this situation and prevent the man from leaving, they decided that we should have common interests, because supposedly this is the key to further relations. This is a persistent misconception that many psychologists perpetuate. A man cannot feel like a woman, therefore, if you achieve this, then you will have a very perverted chosen one. And even if he is romantic, sensual, as you wanted, it’s definitely not because of you.

When a man runs away from a woman, she thinks it's because they don't have common interests. And then she acts in two ways - either she looks for a man with the same interests as hers, or she lives in the interests of the one she has chosen.

But is it worth doing this? Is it necessary to waste time on such a man?

Is the game worth the candle?

Sometimes a man really wants to leave to escape his problems. He's tired of everything, he's not happy with his family, he doesn't want to take care of the children, and so on. In fact, in this case the man is running not so much from problems, but from the function that controls him.

But sometimes a man leaves not to escape, but simply to hang out, drink beer with friends, go fishing, and so on. That is, he wants to go somewhere where there is movement, and here the main question arises - should he take his wife with him? In this case, the woman is trying to solve the problem - who to leave with the children so that she can escape with her husband. But in reality everything is completely different. The woman has the illusion that her husband does not take her with him because she will not be interested or she simply does not fit into the company. But that's not the problem.

Family for a man is not everything, but only part of his interests. Unlike a woman, for whom the family is a project and she can devote herself entirely to it, for a man it is a recreation center or rear.

But a man also has a main occupation - his work, friends. He even prefers rest “without” (his wife), while a woman “with”. For example, a woman wants to take a break not from her husband and children, but from her responsibilities, so she will happily go to a resort, but with the whole family, because her husband and children are her comfort zone.

This is not the case for a man. Besides the fact that he just wants to go on vacation, the man also wants to take a break from both the children and you. And this does not mean at all that he does not love you and the children. He will also tear anyone's throat for his family, but at the moment he wants to take a break from everything. Why?

The fact is that men by nature are commanders and they can have a great rest with the servants. It will not be a problem for them if instead of a wife there is a maid, housekeeper, security guard and other service personnel. Why do men very often relax in the sauna not with their mistress, much less with their wife, but with a prostitute? Because she is a function for him, sex with her is also a function, nothing more. And the only ones he can accept as equals are his male friends.

But there is another vacation option where men happily relax with their wives or girlfriends - these are joint trips with friends. For example, you went with a group to a camp site. And there women quite consciously play the role of function, knowing and accepting it. While the men talk about their own things, the women cook, bring them food and conduct their conversations. No one bothers anyone, and such a vacation can be called ideal. This is a rare case when a man takes a joint vacation. Because he doesn't need to solve any problems. He doesn’t need to be responsible for cooking or worry about everything that happens.

If you went on vacation with a man, then your task is not to create problems for him. If you, going on a trip with your spouse, take care of tickets, arrange visas, and take care of all the affairs, then he will not mind you going with him. But only if you don’t start whining, “We didn’t sit there, we stayed in a bad hotel,” or “Why did we even come here?”

In fact, these are problems of common leisure, as well as common interests. They simply cannot exist. Therefore, you need to remember one thing - either you let your man go where he wants, where there are functions and women, or you eat with him in the role of this very “function”. It is clear that in this situation there are many “cons”, and there is an opportunity to reduce the price. But if at home you are a commander, and on vacation you can be a function, then he is unlikely to want to look for a new woman and relax without you.

Of course, the topic of common interests is important, but you should not confuse life interests and men's hobbies. You can easily choose someone who loves spicy food just like you. Films and music of the same genre. But that doesn't mean you have to have the same hobbies. You should give your man space to walk and only make sure he leaves and comes back, and not run with him on a leash. You must create a place where he will be free, albeit illusory. And if you find yourself on its territory, you must play by its rules: be a function and a service personnel. Only then will he not say that you are interfering with his life and that he needs to dump you.

Remember that men's vacation is not about romance, but about an obedient wife. Therefore, it is much more effective, if you are going to celebrate something, to do it over two days. One is yours - flowers, balls, etc. His other is vodka, meat and passionate sex. And here it is important not to get involved in the topic where he should be without you. Moreover, you will not always like his hobbies. It's better to be able to separate it.

Your questions

“When I lived with my husband, I was always offended by him because he spent time with friends. At the same time, he looked after me, gave me gifts, flowers, and generally treated me well. But I wasn’t happy with the fact that he had his own hobbies and friends. As a result, I ensured that his attitude towards me worsened and he began to yell. We divorced. My husband had a hard time with the divorce and started drinking. I thought I had let him go so that he could live as he wanted, but it turned out that I just needed to give him a little freedom.”

“I realized that in marriage, especially if there are children, a woman really cannot develop and do something of her own. True freedom can only be achieved outside of it.”

In fact, this is so, because everyday life, a spouse, children take up not only a lot of physical, but also spiritual time. And usually women really get lost in all this. They are simply incapable of doing anything else.

familyexpert.ru

How to find common interests with your husband

Initially, the title of this article was a little longer and looked like this: “How to find common interests with your husband and save your relationship.” I can say with confidence that problems in marriage occur due to the separation of spouses and a decrease in mutual interest in each other.

Coldness between husband and wife appears as a result of the stability that we all strive for. The main reason is boredom, usually caused by the lack of common interests, activities, topics for conversation - in addition to everyday ones, of course...

Therefore, in the question of how to regain interest in each other and save the relationship, it is important to find “common ground”. Are we going on a search?

When the desire is mutual

When it comes to finding common hobbies, activities, and common topics of conversation with your husband, it is very important that both spouses want to get closer to each other again.

Why might the distance initially occur? Situations may be different. The most common “scenario” for an average married couple with a similar problem looks something like this:

got busy and ran around with work matters and questions. Nowadays, society is a huge anthill in which ant people are constantly fussing, doing something, running somewhere in order to do everything and provide themselves and their families with everything they need. In this rush, we simply lose touch with each other. No time. Tired. Routine and everyday life bring miracles out of our relationships..

And suddenly someone, or both, stop and understand: it’s time to get closer. Something is somehow boring and sad, the relationship does not sparkle, the heart does not excite, but you want love, affection, attention. I want to hold it in my arms!

It’s good if such a moment comes in the life of the spouses. The relationship has a chance to sparkle with new colors - to become even better, richer and more interesting.

The first step is always recognizing the problem. The second step is to formulate the final desired result: “What do I ultimately want to get from my efforts and actions?” ..

1. Let's get to know each other again. During the period of time that you did not systematically intersect with each other (you had breakfast in the morning and ran away), you need to get to know each other again. Ask what's new with your husband, what thoughts, interests, desires, and plans he has.

2. Make a list of things you both used to enjoy doing. Analyze. If today all this has lost its relevance for you, move on to the next step.

3. Take each a piece of paper and a pen. List what you would like to do in your free time. Perhaps visit the pool, rollerblade, practice shooting, etc. It is important to write everything that comes to mind and that can somehow interest you.

4. Now look through your notes and find something in common in them, try to identify “points of common ground.”

5. Find time. If you have a strong intention to do something, then believe me, you can always find time for any task that has value. If you decide to play tennis together, make a schedule for joint training and, by all means, attend them.

Naturally, all this should not resemble footage from the film “Major Payne”. Sharing leisure time should take place against the backdrop of mutual desire, ease, respect, understanding and humor. If anything from this list gives a weakness, the holes need to be patched up. In this case, the lack of common interests is only a consequence of other, more serious problems in the marriage.

When one is offside

It is more difficult to solve the problem of the lack of common interests between spouses if one of them, seeing this very problem, does not want to do anything. For example, a wife feels that there is no former connection in the relationship and they are bored. She tries to find common interests with her husband, but he, in turn, does not help her with this.

What to do in such a situation? First, purr in your husband’s ear: “It is important to me that our relationship brings joy to each other. I'm sure you support this idea. But I can’t do it without your help. Let's try to find a common activity, interests and start spending more time on each other. As an option, not only communicate more and have dialogues, but also diversify your sex life... What do you think?”

If your spouse has not yet emotionally freed himself from the marriage, he will respond to your request. Otherwise, his reluctance to move closer can be explained by the following reasons:

At the moment he simply has no time. And it’s good if this is the only reason. - Give him time to deal with more important [at the moment] matters for him. Respect his work and encourage his enthusiasm;

He has lost interest in you..

Why does this happen and how to fix the situation? - I’ll tell you in a short video:

Of course, it is impossible to play with one goal for a long period of time. Everything has a limit. A woman, as a source of energy and positivity, can dry up if she does not receive replenishment on time. But does your man know about this? - Perhaps you haven’t even thought about it.. Show him by personal example how to care for a relationship and replenish the deposit of your love.

I sincerely believe that everything will get better for you soon! If you are in doubt and you need specific, proven recommendations, I am ready to help.

- Your Anastasia

www.anastasiagibskaya.com

First meeting with a guy: looking for common interests

The first meeting with a guy is always an exciting moment. The girl tries to look her best, to give the impression of being smart and educated. The initial stage of rapprochement is the actual acquaintance. And for this acquaintance to continue, and perhaps turn into something more, you need to establish contact. To do this, you need to find common interests that will help you talk, get to know each other better, and see all the pros and cons of your interlocutor. Common interests are necessary for long-term relationships; they will be like unique points of contact between two personalities.

Several stages of dating

As a rule, at the first stage of establishing contact, people agree on everything in order to emphasize their interest in the interlocutor. The first meeting is not the time to argue about problematic issues, this will only scare you away. At the second stage of rapprochement, the guy and the girl are looking for common interests, which will serve as a platform for future communication. Discussing a topic that is exciting for both interlocutors will erase differences in behavior and allow you to let the person into your circle of interests. As psychologists say, a first date is not the time to talk about work, because most often there are some problems associated with work, and a person is unlikely to want to stress internally, remembering that his boss yelled at him today. Common interests are hobbies, books, films, that is, what constitutes a person’s horizons. It's always better to discuss a movie you've watched than to talk about politics.

Best places for a first date

That is why the first meeting or several subsequent dates for young people take place at the cinema, in the theater, or somewhere where they can see something in common and then discuss it with their dating partner. Common interests may coincide, for example, both are fond of parachuting, but points of view on the subject may be diametrically opposed. You shouldn’t be afraid of this turn of events; it’s best to listen to your interlocutor’s opinion and express your own. At the same time, you should not argue if your opinion seems incorrect; you should not foam at the mouth to prove that you are right, putting your interlocutor in the position of being on the defensive. But you don’t need to blindly copy his opinion out of a sense of decency or a desire to please him.

Gaining sympathy

General topics of conversation help a person open up. While discussing and telling something, the interlocutor begins to experience positive emotions that are transferred from the topic under discussion to the person sitting opposite. Thus, the first meeting is the time to gain sympathy, and this can be done easily. When emotional contact is established, the couple begins to experience unconscious signs of rapprochement. For example, common words begin to slip through their conversation, a common intonation of conversation appears, and each other’s poses begin to be copied.

At such a moment, a man is open to further communication, and he is ready to discuss even problematic issues with his interlocutor, knowing that he will be supported in any case. This is the next stage of the relationship, which indicates the obvious sympathy of the guy and the girl. At such a moment, this sympathy needs to be developed, because all long-term relationships are built precisely on mutual interest and attraction, personal and sexy. If there is no this double interest, then the relationship will not last long, since in the absence of personal attraction everything will come down to the sexual side of the relationship, and if the partner is not sexually attracted, then only friendship will remain.

Love does not love

In any case, the guy and the girl should mutually support each other in an effort to develop the relationship further. And the efforts of one will certainly evoke a response in the behavior of the other. If there is no such response, then communication should be stopped, as it will not bring satisfaction. Of course, sometimes people don’t get closer for internal reasons. For example, problems in the family or at work, your own complexes. So there is no need to break off the relationship in a rude manner. The best thing to do is talk about how much the two people like each other. It is quite possible that such a conversation will give impetus to more open communication.

www.raut.ru

Common ground: how to find common interests

Meeting a person who shares all your interests is a great success; unfortunately, this does not happen often. However, you should not be upset if you and your potential soulmate have no or almost no common hobbies. Maybe you just haven't found them yet? How to find common interests?

Reading

Reading is a fairly popular hobby, so it is reasonable to ask your interlocutor whether he likes to read, and if he does, what genres he prefers. You can talk endlessly about literature and the passion for reading.

Don't criticize

Refrain from criticizing one of your acquaintances, new or old. You may not understand some of his interests and do not accept them, but this is his right - the right to choose his own interests and hobbies. Well, your boyfriend likes to watch football, well, there’s nothing wrong with that. Football matches are not shown every day, so it is quite possible to donate some of your time to watch a sports channel with your loved one. If you are categorically uninterested in football, you can mind your own business.

Do you love skiing? What about the bike?

In winter, many people prefer to spend their weekends with health benefits and go to the forest to ski or snowboard. Ask your interlocutor if he has skis. Or maybe he doesn’t have them, but he often visits ski resorts, where he rents the necessary equipment.

In the summer and autumn, skiing is replaced by bicycles, so ask the person you are talking to if he likes to ride a bicycle. An alternative option is roller skating in the park or in specially designated areas.

Share your interests

Maybe your boyfriend/friend is too modest to ask you about your interests? Don’t wait for him to ask, but tell him everything yourself. This is a great way to quickly find common ground.

Spend more time together

In one conversation with a person it is unlikely that you can find out all of his interests. For him to open up to you, meet and communicate more often, get to know his relatives and friends, become an integral part of his life, no matter as a good friend or as a loved one. Don’t grumble, take an interest in literally everything your interlocutor does, and then you will quickly find common interests.

blog.teamo.ru

Mistakes of men: looking for common interests - Masculist

Newbie, start here!

In my opinion, this is a very strange idea. Why, strictly speaking, should a man and a woman have some common interests other than their own feelings, sex, perhaps a common life and raising common children - i.e. the most natural and understandable things?

You know, my wife was always crazy about bard songs, and I loved the band KISS. She did not share my enthusiasm for being a fan of Kissami, and I openly yawned at the Okudzhava memorial evenings. Was it really in the name of our love that each of us had to overcome our own rejection of the music that - well, it just so happens - we don’t like? In the name of what, for what purposes? After all, we were already together.

A man and a woman met. They enjoy kissing, hugging, making love and dancing. So why should she drag him to snowboard, to which she became addicted even before meeting him, and why should he initiate her into the secrets of fishing in the company of his friends - avid fishermen?

And, nevertheless, the idea of ​​finding common interests is constantly heard in connection with the so-called. "relationships". What's the matter?

Modern women know or guess that the need for a man to have a single and permanent woman, to live with her in the same territory, has been greatly undermined in recent decades. But, more accurately, the modern woman poorly understands and accepts her own role in a man’s life and in his home. She simply does not know how and does not want to be USEFUL to a man.

And, if the biologically determined, natural goals of a modern woman are largely lost, then the void must be filled with artificial, fictitious goals. “Relationships” must be held together by something: “we don’t want children yet” - let there be a common hobby.

Constant mention of some kind of initiative by a woman aimed at gaining the so-called. “common interests” - in general, the very presentation of this topic is an attempt to somehow compensate, to cement the dubious and flimsy basis of the so-called. “relationships” and even family. These attempts to artificially invent some common interests and without fail spend 100% of their free time from work together; this artificial clinging to each other, believe me, does not bode well.

What is behind the search for “common interests” in practice?

Firstly, this is a woman’s internal uncertainty that she is firmly holding a man. A modern woman does not know and does not know how to give a man what is required of her in a normal patriarchal family.

Secondly, what intersects with point one is a conscious or unconscious desire to control a man everywhere and always, to put under control all of his free time, and, therefore, resources.

Thirdly, the man is once again taught that “relationships” are an intrinsic value, that they need to be built somehow, that they need to be worked on, etc. I have already spoken about this doctrine of “relationships” in previous chapters. The benefit here is very simple: to distract a man from the main and essentially the only question: “What useful things has this woman brought into my life?”

With this chapter I would like to warn men against this false goal of looking for “common interests.” The real common interest of a man and a woman is sex, living together and children. A normal patriarchal couple simply does NOT NEED to look for anything. I fully admit common hobbies and interests, but they cannot be a platform for a long-term union. And they certainly never formed the basis for patriarchal relationships.

If a man is looking for “common interests” with a woman, this means that as a woman for this man she is nothing, and the man himself does not understand what good this woman actually gives him.

masculist.ru

How to find a common language with a girl, what to start talking about?

Psychologists say that men and women live on different planets. And often guys don’t know how to find a common language with a girl; this is the most common question for them, because they have not yet found “the one” in their life. The answer to this cry from the soul is embedded in the foundations of communication.

High-quality communication is the key to long-term relationships

There comes a moment in every man’s life: he stops looking for fleeting meetings with a girl for one night. And then a question arises in his head: how to establish communication with the opposite sex? After all, in order to be together, build a life, a family, you need to communicate every day.

Healthy communication has several rules, following them you will establish contact with any person:

1. Sincerity in words and non-verbals. When a person speaks and does not support what he has said with gestures or intonation, the listener experiences dissonance. This leads to loss of trust, and, accordingly, the desire to communicate.
2. The ability to listen to others. When you ask a question, pay close attention to what the interlocutor answers. If the second participant in the dialogue sees interest in his words, he will definitely share important and even secret things. To establish a long-term relationship, you need to know as much as possible about each other.
3. It's not what you say, but how you say it that matters. Since women tend to perceive the world around them through emotions, this is what her brain will notice and isolate from the conversation. It is important that the sensations are pleasant. Then the interlocutor will have a positive association with you.

How to find common topics with a girl?

Many young people think that talking to a woman is boring, that her mind is full of beauty salons, fashionable things, famous people and other uninteresting things. And therefore they communicate with their loved one about routine matters: work, study, home or the weather. This is a big mistake.

All people have a huge supply of memories and events that evoke positive emotions. You just have to set the right tone for the conversation.

What will help you when talking to a woman:

• Try to make a list of topics that you yourself are interested in talking about, funny and funny incidents from life. The interlocutor “catches the wave” and talks about himself with pleasure, after which it will not be difficult to maintain communication.
• Don't try to plan the conversation in advance. You'll be surprised how easy it really is to talk to a girl if you don't build a conversation pattern in your head. It’s better to stock up on a couple of blanks in case of awkward pauses. For the rest, trust the easy natural flow of the conversation.
• Talk about what worries you. When we talk about topics close to our hearts, our speech is inevitably colored by emotions. This is the same sauce, season the conversation with it, and you will attract the sincere attention of a woman. She will be able to empathize and thus you will become closer to each other.

You can talk to a girl about anything. Among the cute “shy girls” there are many football fans, avid gamers or computer geeks. The main thing is to start talking openly about what worries you, and your person will definitely be found.

Boundaries and personal space

At the beginning of a relationship, quarrels and disagreements often arise between a couple. As a rule, this happens because their personal spheres come into contact.

A person reacts to an unexpected invasion of his space in two ways:

• Closes in on himself;
• Fights back aggressively.

In the first case, you may be alarmed by the fact that a girl, for example, with a sad expression on her face answers the question “How are you?” that she is doing well. In the second case, she begins to snap or even use force. Many young people consider this behavior strange and inappropriate; they ask for advice on forums and psychologists on how to act in such situations.

Start by imagining someone sitting down at your computer without permission and turning on your favorite game. Naturally, you will be outraged. For girls, the emotional sphere is their personal zone, and questions about their state of mind are an intrusion into it.

In order not to spoil the contact and not cause an “inappropriate” reaction, it is best to let the person go through a difficult period on his own. After he calms down, ask him what reaction he would be most comfortable with. Don't make any complaints, show tact and respect.

How to find common interests with a girl?

Everything is fine with you, your chosen one is an excellent conversationalist and woman, you are learning to spend time together with pleasure. And so, at some point in time, you both become bored of walking along the same routes, going to the movies and cafes, and want something new.

Ask yourself: “What is my girlfriend interested in? What did I tell her about my interests?” Many men are sure that all women are infinitely far from harsh areas of interest, such as fishing, sports, computer games, cars. They would be surprised to see their beloved in a Spartacus scarf, jumping on the podium.

If your crush is not yet familiar with your sweetheart’s hobby, try doing it together. Invite her to a match, ask if she knows how to cook fish, give her a joystick and play some fighting game together. Charged with enthusiasm, the girl will definitely find interest in what you do.

The same thing works in the opposite direction. Find out what makes a woman's heart beat and what she enjoys doing in her spare time. If she loves to cook, offer to give you a master class. Many men cook with no less interest than their wives. Any change of activity has a beneficial effect on the brain, and spending time together improves the strength of bonds.

The emotional world of women

All representatives of the stronger half of humanity should remember the key difference between a woman - emotionality. Girls react sensually to all manifestations of the world around them. They fill any diagrams and plans with colors. This is their strength, but also a stumbling block in communicating with the opposite sex.

This difference should be kept in mind. And also try to show sensitivity and tact. When you establish a relationship with someone so different from you, be prepared for the fact that it will take a lot of effort. And this applies to both sides. The effort you put in will pay off in spades.

The problem of interaction between the sexes is as old as the world. Each generation of guys is looking anew for answers to how best to find a common language with a girl. Hundreds of books have been written on this topic, and master classes are given by experienced psychologists and trainers. And all these efforts are made for the sole purpose of being happy together.

Married life is a sacrament for two. A man and a woman who have tied themselves with the knot of Hymen enjoy each other's company for the first time. But sometimes family life turns out to be not as rosy as the young people dreamed. It turns out that their goals are different and there are very few points of contact. If spouses have different views, it is difficult for them to maintain the relationship.

For a family relationship with a man to be strong, feelings alone are not enough. Various aspirations and everyday chores kill love and lead to divorce. In order for the passion and desire to run a joint household not to subside, mutual understanding must reign in the family.

At the beginning of their life together, partners often make the mistake of trying to win the “palm”. Everyone wants to take a leadership position in order to dictate terms and control their loved one.

This situation arises due to the fact that a person has the wrong idea about the family. Strong and happy relationships develop only when people support each other and help each other achieve success. If a person exalts himself and expects attention from his partner, as a rule, he will be disappointed. For family relationships to be harmonious, care must be mutual.

Do you want to save your relationship? Talk!

To achieve mutual understanding, you need to learn to talk. Don't be afraid to talk about what doesn't suit you. It is pointless to remain silent and be offended - your soul mate is unlikely to be a telepath.

Many quarrels begin only because people are embarrassed to discuss problems with each other. Anger and dissatisfaction accumulate and over time spill out into scandals and hysterics. To improve relationships in the family, partners must ask each other questions, give honest answers and not invent something that actually does not exist.

Disagreements between partners often arise due to the fact that they have different ways of thinking. Men look at things completely differently from women. They have a different scale of values ​​and a different attitude towards current events. This must be remembered if you want to maintain peace in the family.

Never impose your beliefs on your husband - men do not accept restrictions. They will follow you only if they really need it - this is their psychology. Feed the ego - Men love to feel strong and brave.

Those things that are obvious to a wife can be a strong irritant to a husband. You should not be happy if your spouse gives up his hobbies at your request. Sooner or later, the “squeezed” passion for a hobby will give way to irritation and transform into a list of complaints. Men are rarely favorable to the woman who deprived them of pleasure.

In family life, women often try to adjust their spouse to suit themselves. If a man forgets about what was valuable and important to him, the woman becomes disappointed in her partner and calls him a weak person. As a result, the relationship is bursting at the seams - the man leaves for someone who does not try to break him.

Family relationships: what is important for a man?

Try to understand what is important for your husband in an alliance with you. Determine what he likes and what nuances irritate him. Such an analysis will help improve family relationships and restore mutual understanding.

Watch your husband, catch his mood. It is important for men when a woman is “on the same wavelength” with them. Be an attentive listener, but do not pester with questions and advice.

Don't look for flaws

Try to accept your loved one as he is. There is no need to focus on its shortcomings; it is better to focus on its advantages. Do not even mentally compare your loved one with other men - such tactics can hardly be called constructive.

To make your relationship with a man warmer, you shouldn’t constantly remind him of how different you are. Better make sure you have enough common ground.

Look for common ground

Common hobbies bring you closer together, so look for hobbies that will be equally interesting to you and your spouse. This could be watching a movie together or creating a promising business plan - the main thing is that the business fascinates you.

Spend more time together, think about your leisure time. When a husband and wife are constantly vacationing in different companies, they even lose the common ground through which they got married. Therefore, get bright emotions together - this is a great investment in a relationship.

Financial disagreements in the family lead to serious quarrels, and relationships with a man deteriorate. When people meet, they don’t think about who spends money on what. It seems to them that after the wedding they will easily agree and plan a budget. Unfortunately, this does not always happen.

If you and your husband have different views on the distribution of funds, you need to meet each other and find a compromise. Otherwise, all your life you will quarrel over money, make “nest eggs” and suspect each other of dishonesty.

Determine who takes on what financial responsibilities. If you distribute the “roles” correctly, there will be much less quarrels. The mistake of most people is that they try to shoulder all the responsibilities or, conversely, shift them to their partner. Because of this, family relationships are destroyed.

Relationships with a man: don’t forget about your intimate life!

Sex brings spouses closer together - it is an important part of family life. Everyday worries kill the passion that was at the beginning of the relationship. When a husband and wife have different hobbies, they prefer to spend time separately and often become distant.

To remain not only spouses, but also lovers, you need to pay enough attention to each other in the intimate sphere. Sexual dissatisfaction causes irritation and leads to partners seeking satisfaction elsewhere.

Mutual understanding and harmony in a relationship with a man can only be achieved if you know how to have fun and enjoy life together. Do not lose tenderness and care - without them, spouses quickly become strangers.