You are tormented by the question: how not to be jealous of your wife? It’s understandable, because, frankly, it’s impossible to live with this feeling. It eats away, devastates a person from the inside, pushes him to strange and sometimes simply wild actions and can destroy not only married life, but also to cripple the fate of the latter-day Othello himself. What to do? Is it possible to somehow overcome insidious and completely irrational jealousy? Let's figure it out.

Where does jealousy “grow” from?

I wonder if you have ever tried to understand why you experience this feeling every now and then? What makes you cringe internally, catching interested looks your missus, thrown at other men, and suspect each of them as a lover, or shudder with hatred for the one who dared to look closely at her?

Psychologists have found that, it turns out, the reasons for the feeling that eats you up originate from childhood. Yes Yes! If, turning to the past, you understand that you always had to share something with loved ones (parents’ attention, gifts, things, etc.), and even feel that at this moment you were not in first place - it is not surprising that this led to an urgent need to preserve, preserve, everything that belongs to you personally. This list includes the wife. That is, jealousy in such a situation turns out to be a manifestation of a sense of ownership: “She’s mine – that’s it!”

It is quite difficult to overcome what is brought from childhood, but it is possible. The main thing here is to clearly understand its cause and be aware of what is hiding behind the experiences. You need to calmly tell your wife about what is happening to you, explaining how some of her actions hurt you. Don't be afraid to open up like that and believe me, loving woman will willingly agree to avoid conflict situations so as not to cause you pain.

Maybe it's not your lover you're afraid of?

Jealousy can also be a continuation of our complexes. After all, some people are prevented from overcoming this feeling by fear: “What if I can’t find anyone else?” Isn’t it true, I just want to add to this phrase: “Well, who would set their sights on me...”? Yes, the fear of being alone is most often fueled by your lack of confidence in your own worth and low self-esteem - it is they, as psychologists say, that provoke feelings of jealousy and even fuel it. The higher you raise the object, the lower you become against its background!

This means that in this case you can get rid of jealousy only by reconsidering your attitude towards yourself. Believe that you are worthy of love, and many women, if you wish, will be happy to throw in their lot with you. All this will allow you not to hold on to your wife as a last chance and not to look in all her actions for constant confirmation not only of the presence of a lover, but also of your insignificance or insignificance.

Are you sinless?

Men can be given one more piece of advice: if you are stubbornly consumed by the dreary question of how to avoid being jealous of your lover’s wife, be honest with yourself.

It is interesting that in some cases the representatives of the stronger sex have a kind of “mirror” effect - they transfer their faults to their wives, suspecting them of what they are doing in this moment yourself. Well, yes, the man has just managed to win the favor of a certain beauty, and then the wife (for good reason!) stays too late at work - and that’s it, from now on the husband can no longer get rid of obsessive suspicions.

By the way, according to researchers, men “mirror” their own with equal success. serious relationship on the side, and light flirting, and even just secret desires. So maybe it’s worth digging into yourself, and not looking for a “lover” from your wife?

How dangerous is your wife's past?

I would especially like to talk about male jealousy to the past of their chosen ones. This seemingly completely unfounded feeling is inherent in many men, and especially those who are overly possessive. The thought of a rival who came before you can be infuriating, so when wondering how to stop being jealous of your wife about the past, understand a few things for yourself.

Figure out what is bothering you so much? Maybe you think that your beloved used to live much brighter and more interesting? Or appearance Does her previous boyfriend seem much better than yours? Or maybe you just can’t overcome your irritation at the thought that someone possessed it?
Let's take it in order.

• The first reason for your jealousy of the past is not difficult to resolve - by any means, get your beloved to repeat to you every now and then: “How good it is with you!”, and you will understand that, in general, there is no need to be jealous.
• But if, when comparing external data, you give a head start to your previous chosen one, then your inferiority complex is most likely hidden here. Work on yourself - explain to yourself that you worthy of attention and a loving person. And since your wife chose you, it means that she still sees many virtues in you!
• In the latter case, you are jealous of your wife not so much for the past, but for the fact that someone was with her. Here explain to yourself that she didn’t know you yet! Now that you are together, the past has no place next to you, which means there is nothing to worry about.

What to do to prevent reasons for jealousy from becoming real

Remember, a little jealousy towards the present or the past, which you show from time to time, may even please your soul mate, confirming that the feeling has not faded away, but the constant “tragedies” played out in front of her can seriously stress and offend a woman.

Therefore, so that you do not subsequently have real good reasons For jealousy, and your wife would not actually try to replace you with her lover, you need to follow certain rules.

1. Do not give your wife, who has barely crossed the threshold of the house, an interrogation with partiality: where and with whom she was. Just ask how her day was.
2. Help your wife overcome the boredom of everyday life with unexpected holidays, romance, flowers and kisses.
3. Remember, displays of affection are very important for a woman!
4. Don't try to become the center of her universe. She should be interested in something else besides you - this will allow her to miss you.
5. Never insult your woman! If you don’t want to get rid of it, don’t forget - the weaker sex loves with its ears, and they can also make you stop loving with them.
6. Pay attention to the woman's mood. Show empathy and never laugh at the reason for her worries, no matter how ridiculous it may seem to you. Your help and support will ensure that the wife does not have to look for a lover who can understand her.

Let's take stock

Of course, it’s impossible to say for sure how to cope with jealousy towards your wife. It all depends on what exactly is causing you to experience this debilitating feeling. But to general recommendations proposed in our article, we can add a few more.

Do not invent a lover until you are truly convinced of his existence. Until then, keep yourself within limits, surrounding your wife with love and attention.

Do not try to overcome the problem by literally locking your missus within four walls - this will most likely cause a reverse reaction - she will try to escape. But don’t relax, for example, by sending her to a resort in public unmarried girlfriend– this is a provocative situation. Don’t torment yourself by being jealous of her past - it’s already passed!

Don’t tell yourself that an angel accidentally flew into your arms - you will very quickly feel unworthy, and it will be difficult for you to overcome your involuntary timidity in front of “perfection.” But do not forget to admire your wife out loud - then your chosen one will not have to look for a lover for this. Be happy!

It happens that people break up, love is gone, but jealousy remains. And this feeling gnaws, not allowing me to live in peace. Pictures are drawn that prevent you from sleeping and being happy.

What to do to get rid of this serious condition? Try to keep yourself busy so as not to think about your ex.

What will help you get rid of jealousy towards your ex?

• Job

Work, work, a lot of work, more more work- This good way. Besides the fact that you will have no time and energy left for anything else, perhaps you will improve your financial position and take a step career ladder.

• Sport

If work doesn’t appeal to you, then try to distract yourself with loads. Start doing fitness or increase your workouts. Physical fatigue, as a rule, crowds out idle thoughts from the head. This way, you will not only stop poisoning your soul with thoughts that your ex-lover is now with someone else and is happy, but you will also noticeably prettier, become slimmer and healthier.

• A house and a garden

You can take care of your house and dacha, start a grandiose general cleaning, reconstruction or repair. Choosing wallpaper or arranging new furniture, arguing with careless masters, you may completely stop thinking about who your former loved one is being polite to.

• Friends

Make new friends or reconnect with old ones, or better yet, both. Meet, go to parties, go on hikes. You need new impressions and new memories, and ones that could capture you and make you forget about the past.

• Networks are evil

Perhaps you are haunted by social networks. Do not go to his page on Facebook, Odnoklassniki and VKontakte. Delete them, don’t look at new photos, don’t read statuses. Remove his phone number, letters and address from the mailbox. Don't communicate with his friends. In this case, the principle “out of sight, out of mind” works very well. Not receiving new information, you will think less about him, and you will find fewer reasons for jealousy.

• Help from the pros

If you still can’t, then maybe you should go to a psychotherapist? An experienced specialist will probably be able to correctly set guidelines and shift the emphasis. And perhaps he will be able to “reconfigure” you, find other problems that you can overcome.

The most important thing is to stop living in the past. Sometimes it takes time for wounds to heal and bitterness and jealousy to go away. So sometimes you just have to wait. A month or two - and it will appear in your life new person, which will turn your attention to itself.

And perhaps soon you will simply forget the one you are now jealous of.

Today I'll tell you how to get rid of jealousy in relation to your husband, wife, parents, children or friends. Why are people jealous of their husbands and their girlfriends? Their wives to unknown men? Your parents to other children? Where does jealousy come from?

Reasons for jealousy:

• First, jealousy comes from fear. Fear of losing what you love.
• Secondly, it grows out of lack of confidence in oneself, in one’s own (other, child, anyone). Uncertainty that your partner loves you and will not choose you over another person who will be better than you.
• Thirdly, jealousy is a consequence of a possessive attitude towards your partner. The desire to have a monopoly on his personal life, to interfere in all his affairs.
• Fourthly, this quality can grow from any other complexes and fears.

What did we not see in the list of reasons causing jealousy? Love! Jealousy does not stem from love, its basis is fear. Constant outbursts of jealousy only interfere with love and turn relationships into a series of suffering and mistrust.

How to overcome jealousy? How to eliminate the causes of this feeling?

1. Get rid of everything that doesn't serve your love.

During attacks of jealousy, many people play spy games. They constantly check outgoing calls on their spouse’s phone, try to catch the smell of perfume from his jacket, call him every hour to make sure that he has met with his friends and is not visiting his mistress, forbid him to communicate with representatives of the opposite sex, etc. .d. In short, they keep their partner on a short leash. At the same time, they don’t even think about where this feeling leads them.

Subconsciously, people may feel that they are solving some problem that serves the interests of a healthy relationship. After all, spouses should love each other and should not cheat with other women and men, they think. And therefore, they need to constantly be confident in the fidelity of their partner and do everything to fuel this confidence, even if this causes a wave of mistrust, negative emotions and quarrels over empty reasons. Thus, jealousy gets the green light.

People are accustomed to the fact that love and jealousy go hand in hand, and many of them have learned to come to terms with the fact that jealousy has become a full participant in their relationships.

But in fact, paranoia, which appears on the basis of jealousy, does not at all serve the goals of love and harmonious life together, but only poisons love. Jealousy, as well as actions caused by jealousy, do not solve problems, but create them.

Think about what your endless outbursts of jealousy will lead to? You are so afraid of lies, but you yourself shroud your relationships in an atmosphere of mistrust. You are so scared of losing your partner, but at the same time, you are trying to control his every move, blaming him, creating prohibitions, swearing, screaming, suspecting...

Does this create the basis for loved ones, trusting, healthy and long relationship? The irony of jealousy (and indeed many other feelings based on fear) is that, because of your fear, you only bring closer what you are so afraid of! Mistrust and paranoia ultimately make the relationship more fragile and distance you from your partner.

The next time you feel jealous and want to yell at your husband or check his phone, ask yourself how these actions can help your relationship? How will this help your love? How can this prevent the occurrence of those things (loss of a partner, breakup of a relationship) that you are so afraid of?

If your answer to all three questions is “No way” or “It will only get in the way,” then give your jealousy the color red.

This alone will certainly not help you completely get rid of this feeling. But the first step on the path to getting rid of negative emotions is to realize that you don’t need these emotions, that they only bother you.

Rid your relationship of what does not serve the interests of love!

2. Eliminate your fears

Naturally, we don’t want to think about what we are afraid of. For example: “What if I lose my job? I don’t even want to think about it!” As strange as it may sound, our fears have power over us precisely because we do not want to think about what will happen when the fear comes true.

Of course, you will not agree with me and object: “No matter how it is! I constantly think about what I'm afraid of. I imagine how bad it will be for me when my loved one leaves me, and what terrible feelings I will experience.”

But you don't think about what happens next. You only think about negative emotions when your fear occurs. Try to mentally move beyond this limit, even if you yourself do not want to think about the future.

Think: “What will happen a year after we break up? What will happen in five years? The first few months must be tough for me. But then I’ll start to come to my senses a little. After some time, I will have a new relationship, maybe it will be even better than this one.”

(This is by no means the most best scenario! Perhaps your relationship will live even after betrayal! I will talk about this in the last paragraph of this article.)

Not as scary as you thought at the beginning, right? Be realistic! Try to scroll through these pictures in your mind. Think about how you will get out of this situation, how you will move on with your life, and not about how bad you will feel when your fear comes true!

You shouldn't get too attached to what you have. At the moment, you may feel that your relationship with this person is the most important thing in your life. But this is partly an illusion and deception. It is difficult for people to think in terms of their entire life and they sometimes greatly overestimate the role of what they have now.

This idea may not be entirely intuitive. You ask me: “how is it not worth getting too attached to something? I am attached to what I love: my children, my family, my work, my purpose. This forms the basis of my existence! Are you suggesting that I become indifferent to the things that I love?”

No, I only suggest that you stop experiencing painful attachment, which brings nothing but suffering and fear.

If you love your husband very much, but constantly live in fear that your relationship may end, are you happy? Do you get satisfaction from such relationships? Don't think. The fear of losing this relationship in the future makes you unhappy. But the fact that you have them in the present does not make you happy, because you are constantly afraid and only think about the future!

Strong attachments give rise to fear of loss. And fear of loss prevents you from enjoying the present moment.

Not feeling strong affection does not mean not loving. Not experiencing strong attachment means being more relaxed about the fact that nothing lasts forever, being realistic. Be prepared for anything. And be able to enjoy what you have now.

3. Stop comparing

“What if he finds more a worthy woman than me, smarter, more beautiful!

“There are so many men around her, more beautiful and successful than me, there is no chance that our relationship can survive.”

These disturbing thoughts are familiar to many. You begin to compare yourself to others of the same sex and become fearful of competition. But men and women are not some kind of goods on the love market!

Relations between people are not always similar to commodity-money relations, within which preferences are formed solely on the basis of the properties of the “product”: attractiveness, success, intelligence, etc. Rather, it is more like the attitude of the owner of capital, in fact, to capital. This is also not the most successful analogy, but it is closer.

I want to say that your relationship now is not the same as it was when it first began. Maybe when you first met your partner, you were bound by mutual attraction.

But, as the relationship develops, a certain “capital” is formed, something more than just attraction and passion, enhanced by external attractiveness and success. This capital is accumulated over the years, as both subjects of the relationship understand each other more and more deeply, as they jointly find solutions to their problems and draw conclusions from their mistakes, as they overcome the next difficulty that stands in their way...

And this capital is too valuable. It cannot be so easily exchanged for something else. In short, your partner loves you not only for your qualities, but for everything that you had with him. Or maybe he loves you for something else that you yourself are not aware of. And this is what allows you to be preferred to more successful and attractive people.

“Okay,” you say. “What if our relationship is not like “building up joint moral capital.” They just collapse. It seems to me that nothing connects us both anymore.”

Then move on to the next point.

4. Improve your relationships

Spend more time with your partner. Find out his wishes. Show him care and trust. Try to work together to decide family problems. Talk about your difficulties. Become more attractive to each other. Add variety. And develop your relationship without stopping there!

I'm not going to give it here detailed instructions to improve relationships. This will be the topic of a separate article. What I want to say here is that the fidelity of spouses to each other is not a derivative of surveillance, suspicion and mistrust. This is the result of a strong, reliable, satisfying relationship.

If during your surveillance of your husband you do not find any evidence of infidelity, then this will not help eliminate your jealousy; after some time it will flare up again. But when you become more confident in your relationship, when you and your partner surround each other with trust, only then will you have fewer reasons be jealous.

In order to eliminate the very feeling of jealousy, as well as the reasons for its occurrence (betrayal), you need to strive to develop relationships, and not turn them into a spy novel and a soap opera at the same time!

Recently I was wondering why total control on the part of the state is present, as a rule, in underdeveloped countries. It seems to me that this happens for the reason that countries with great economic problems have only one way to instill patriotism and keep their residents within the country. This method is to lie, organize surveillance and create bans, including a ban on leaving the country. The love and devotion of the inhabitants of this country to the state is based on fear and deception.

But states with good economies and social conditions do not need to resort to dictatorship. A person will not flee this country if given the opportunity. Because he loves his state for what it provides to its residents good conditions for life and takes care of them. Nobody forces him to “love”. Therefore, this feeling arises sincerely.

You can easily apply this analogy to your relationships. It is necessary to create an atmosphere of love and trust in your family, to acquire joint “love capital” and thereby reduce the risk of “emigration of your spouse” to another family. This is better than achieving this through bans and surveillance.

5. Curb your imagination

Your husband is late at work. And now pictures come to your mind in which he is having fun with other women. But don’t rush to let your imagination run wild. If you continue to imagine this, it will be difficult for you to disentangle yourself from these thoughts and listen to reasonable arguments when they come to your mind.

These fantasies make you unable to sober assessment situations. Therefore, if you have noticed attacks of paranoia due to your partner’s betrayal, then take it as a rule: “ the first thought is the wrong thought, until she proves otherwise."

This, one might say, presumption of guilt impulsive thoughts. This principle really helps me cope with many emotions and see the situation as it is, and not as my momentary feelings try to present it.

Therefore, throw all these fantasies out of your head for a while. You will pay attention to them later. To start, . All the same, as long as you are overwhelmed with worry and anxiety, nothing worthwhile will come to your mind.

So turn your attention to something else. Don't let him get caught up in these fantasies. Start thinking about the problem only when you realize that you have calmed down and your anxiety does not attract all your thoughts to their “negative pole”. Then you will be able to assess the situation soberly. Maybe you will realize that your fears were in vain. But perhaps they will be confirmed. But before you think about it, you should calmly analyze the situation in reality, and not get carried away by your fantasies.

6. Stop living only your partner's life.

Often the reason for jealousy is the obsession of one of the partners with the life of the other. It happens that this happens because one of the partners does not have his own personal interests and his own personal life. And he has no choice but to live the life of another.

This applies not only to jealousy, but also to excessive control on the part of parents (usually mothers) in relation to children. Understand that your control, your anxiety, your endless interference in someone's life will not make either you or the person in whose life you are interfering happier!

To avoid this, add some variety to your life. and your passion. This should never be a reason for you to ignore your partner or child because of your new hobbies. Not at all! Let this be a reason for you to realize that there is more to life than your husband or your children.

At the same time, allow your partner (or son, daughter) to live some other life besides family life. Leave him room to communicate with friends, colleagues and even people of the opposite sex! Show your partner that you trust him, give him some freedom, don't try to explore every inch of his life and don't squeeze it in a vise of control.

It will also help you feel less attached to your relationship because you will have something else to do! Therefore, you will be less afraid of loss and suffer less!

7. Do the opposite

Do the opposite of what jealousy pushes you to do. If you see your wife talking to a man you don't know at a party, instead of leering angrily at this man and then making a scandal with your wife, go up and politely introduce yourself to this man! Maybe you will find out that this is just a work colleague whom your wife met and whom she simply could not pass by for reasons of tact. And you will understand how absurd your jealousy was.

8. Be candid! Don't play games

Stop all these spy games and hidden doubts! If something is bothering you, ask your partner directly! Just don't do it in the form of a scandal! Calmly tell him about all your suspicions and see what he answers.

But before talking about this with your partner, it would not hurt you to evaluate for yourself how justified your suspicions are.

After all, many people play a “hidden game” and act on the sly only because they subconsciously understand that all their doubts are absurd and ridiculous and it would be ridiculous to tell someone else about their paranoia.

Therefore, preparing for such a conversation will help you not only speak directly about your concerns and reach out to new level trust (if you understand that the conversation should take place), but also check whether your fears are real or just the result of unbridled imagination.

9. Trust your partner

I have already spoken about trust more than once in this article, but I think this issue is quite important, so I raise it as a separate paragraph. Trust is a prerequisite for healthy and strong relationships. Think about it, do you have a reason not to trust your partner?

I'm not saying that no one has such a reason. But it often happens that we begin to suspect our partner, not because he did not justify our trust, but only because we ourselves experience fear and self-doubt. Jealousy, in this case, is not based on anything in reality, but stems only from our personal feelings.

Why not try to trust your partner then? Stop seeing deception in his every word and cast aside your endless suspicions. Of course, suspicions will not always be unfounded. But try to trust your soulmate and not suspect him of something bad for at least a month, no matter how he behaves and no matter what he does.

If your concerns remain with you, then something probably needs to change in your relationship. But it is quite possible that you will understand how ridiculous your fears were and will see how faith in your partner transforms your relationship and makes you happier. And you will want to stay with this trust forever...

10. Be willing to forgive

I don't want people to take some of my advice as a way to come to terms with obvious problems in the family and get rid of jealousy for which there is a reason. Maybe things really aren’t going so smoothly for you and your partner is systematically cheating on you. And this is told to you not by your paranoia and fear, but by established facts. (It's hard to deny this when your husband is constantly disappearing somewhere, coming in late at night and smelling of perfume.)

In this case, it is better not to deny obvious things, not to suppress attacks of jealousy, and try to do something about your relationship. I have always been a proponent of trying to fix what happened, forgive the person and start over before accepting decisive action. This is what I advise you too.

Cheating is not always an indicator of your spouse's lack of love for you. Sometimes people cheat, simply because they are not restrained in sex, but continue to love you. Sometimes they do this because their ego craves new victories on the love front, but at the same time they continue to love you. Sometimes this happens because a person succumbs to passion, but continues to love you. Sometimes this is a consequence of a person’s momentary weakness, his mistake, for which he can be forgiven.

Betrayal is not as terrible as your imagination and your feelings make it seem to you. But if this happens, be prepared to experience it together and move on. This is not the end of life.

If you know that you are able to forgive a person. That they are able to start trusting him again, after all his actions. That cheating will not be the end of your relationship. What can you change and improve together? life together, preventing such cases from reoccurring in the future. Then you won't be so afraid of it. Then you will have much less reason to be jealous!

But this requires the trust of both spouses. And their desire to develop relationships!

Jealousy - a painful feeling that can cloud a person’s mind and also give rise to anger. Jealous man trying with all his might to prove that his wife is cheating on him. He feels fear, helplessness and resentment.

Main reasons for jealousy

• Jealousy can arise from fear. A man is afraid of losing his wife, losing his only love.
• Self-doubt is also one of the causes of fear. In his relationship, a man must be confident in the love of his partner.
• Complexes or other fears are known causes the appearance of jealousy towards your significant other.
• Dependence on a partner, and as a result of this, the fear of being abandoned and remaining alone for life.
• Suspicions, mistrust and fears due to past infidelities of your partner.

How to get rid of jealousy towards your wife

First, eliminate all your negative emotions, since they will interfere with your ability to soberly assess the situation. Prepare in advance for the conversation with your wife and try to be frank.

1. Stop comparing

Never compare yourself to other men. A man might think bad thoughts that the wife will find someone else, much best partner, and you will be left alone. You are overcome by fear of competition and a feeling of jealousy arises.

Your wife has accepted you for who you are, and almost every person has some kind of zest. Stop comparing yourself to the opposite sex, become a better person and try to be a great husband to your wife.

2. Don't rush to conclusions

Phrases from a conversation, gossip, photographs may not always mean that your wife is cheating on you. First, find out everything and think it through carefully.

If, after finding out, it turns out that your wife is cheating on you and your jealousy arose for a reason, then it’s up to you to decide whether to live with this person or not.

If you still haven’t been able to resolve anything, then it is recommended that you talk openly with your wife and explain to her what’s in your heart. Tell her in detail how you feel and also ask her directly about the cheating. Now watch her reaction and behavior. This way you can determine whether the jealousy was in vain or not.

3. Other activities

To get rid of feelings of jealousy towards his wife, a man is recommended to direct his energy in the right direction. You can start exercising to look more attractive. Also, find a hobby that brings you a lot of joy. There is no need to constantly blame your spouse for cheating or behavior.

Your relationship should have mutual understanding as well as support. Improve your relationship, suit your wife pleasant surprises, and always give compliments.

4. Trust

The most important thing is to trust your partner. Jealousy is an unpleasant disease that needs to be gotten rid of. You must learn to trust your wife, stop seeing deception in her every word, do not eavesdrop on her conversations and do not check her phone.

Stop suspecting your spouse of something bad for at least a few weeks. Jealousy should disappear over such a long period of time. If she has not disappeared, then it is recommended to go to a psychologist or talk frankly about this topic with her wife.

5. Your life

The most important thing is to live your life. Stop constantly meddling in your wife's life. You must have own interests and my personal life.

Walking with friends, picnics, fishing, gym, running, etc. All this should be present in your life; it will not only distract you from feelings of jealousy, but also help you find new friends, interests and hobbies. Try to bring variety back into your life and you will definitely succeed.

Such small tips will help you get rid of jealousy towards your wife forever, but if jealousy has already become commonplace, then it is recommended to visit a good psychologist.

How to get rid of jealousy? - video

How often we are jealous of a loved one and torment him with constant interrogations and suspicions, without realizing it. At first, of course, this is pleasant, it seems that you are not indifferent, they care about you and “there is a fight for you.” However, over time it stops being fun. Constant reproaches and speculation are ready to drive any person into a corner, and then he begins to think about real betrayal, because this is what he is constantly suspected of?

What is jealousy

Jealousy is emotional condition when you try to protect your partner from other potential acquaintances and communication with the opposite sex. However, most people do not want to admit to themselves that they are truly jealous. Often, jealousy comes from childhood, where the parental model of relationships was before our eyes.

What is the nature of jealousy? Why does a human try to be the sole owner of a partner? This feeling is alien to most animals. However, people also have situations when one man is shared by several women - an eastern harem. The polygamist's women are on equal rights and get the same amount material assets and attention from your spouse. And they are not at all jealous of his rivals (or do we not know much?).

But we are not going to breed a harem, and our halves, knowing this, behave decently, but for some reason this is not enough for us. Constantly checking your phone, email correspondence in social networks, checking all your friends of the opposite sex - life becomes like a manic pursuit. Jealousy is like salt – it is pleasant only in small quantities. This is a feeling that definitely needs to be gotten rid of.

Reasons for jealousy

Why are we jealous? Here are some basic and common problems.

1. Unfinished situations related to betrayal or betrayal in the past. In fact, it's very a fine line. If you've ever had a time in your life where a partner cheated (or almost did), jealousy increases exponentially. It happens that you seem to have forgiven a person in words, let him back into your life, so as not to lose the relationship, not to destroy the family, etc. However, the soul did not reconcile, and the heart did not forgive, because you cannot order them. And every time a loved one is late from work, thoughts always return to that very situation.
2. Feeling own inferiority. This often happens among people who are socially unequal. If he is the life of the party, was the first handsome guy in the class, and she is a gray mouse that no one paid attention to, the woman develops a powerful mental conflict. She doesn’t understand why he chose her, why he loved her (does she have anything to love?). And throughout her life, this feeling of uncertainty and inferiority gnaws at her, pushing her into a constant feeling of jealousy.
3. Another reason for jealousy is a misperception of the feeling of love. Some pathological jealous people believe that the more jealous they are of their partner, the more great love they will show him. This model of understanding jealousy also often comes from childhood.

Types of jealousy

Jealousy, as a natural feeling, can be normal and pathological. Normal jealousy has an undoubted place for existence, often its absence is also big problem. After all, if a person is absolutely indifferent to you, if he doesn’t ask where you are staying, where this bouquet of flowers is from, that’s not good. But where is this line? How to determine " healthy norm jealousy"? It’s different for every relationship. Rare jokes like “why did she look at you like that?” and the like are appropriate. However, if jealousy strangles a partner and stops allowing him to live normal life– it needs to be dealt with urgently.

Jealousy does not only happen between a man and a woman. Jealousy often manifests itself in “brother-sister” relationships when there is a struggle for parental attention. Jealousy borders very closely on the concept of “envy.”

1. First, try to understand what are you afraid of? Losing a loved one? Will you be able to hold him by force if something happens? Understand that YOUR person will never leave you. And if he left, then he was never yours in the first place. Sooner or later this would happen. So is it really necessary to torment yourself with conjectures and conjectures?
2. If you want to keep a person, let him go. This rule works one hundred percent. Move away from this problem, take care of yourself. You don't need to think about your partner every second. Play sports, sign up for drawing, driving, beading or cooking courses. Free time gives rise to thoughts that are unnecessary in a given situation. Show the person that he is not your whole life. That you have many other interests and hobbies. And he will reach towards you.

1. Become a better person. Why do you underestimate yourself? Why do you think it is impossible to love you? Every person is unique and you are no exception. You need to bring yourself to your senses directly and figuratively. Change your hairstyle, update your wardrobe, go for a spa treatment - all this can work wonders.
2. Don't be jealous, let them be jealous of you. Arouse slight jealousy in your partner. This doesn't mean you should come home with bouquets of flowers (women) and lipstick on your collar (men). Allow yourself to flirt lightly with strangers in front of your partner. It could be just a smile and polite word, however, this will not go unnoticed. Don't go overboard, or you risk becoming a target for unbridled jealousy.
3. If your jealousy is groundless, there is no need to try to hurt your loved one. You have to fight with yourself and with your own feelings. Understand that your loved one is a full-fledged person who has not only a personal life, but also a job and a hobby. Don't block it in all areas. There is no need to call him every five minutes, annoying him and interfering with his work. There is no need to demand a minute-by-minute account of where and with whom he was. If you love a person, trust him.
4. Stop making things up. So your husband helped the woman collect the fallen papers and left with a polite smile. If I hadn’t been there, you thought, he would certainly have walked her home. There is no need to fantasize and think out the possibility of the situation. You attract into life what you think about. Be glad that you have such a gallant husband, capable of coming to the aid of a woman. After all, this is exactly why you once fell in love with him. Think about what this woman probably thought in her heart, “what an intelligent man.” But this is your husband! Let him be jealous!
5. Don't compare yourself to others. There will always be someone who is more beautiful, slimmer, smarter or richer than you. But your partner chose you. With your strengths and weaknesses. Do you really think that if he meets a woman who is more suitable in some respects, he will exchange you for her? Surely there are some spiritual qualities of yours that make your man fall in love with you.
6. Understand that constant jealousy can torment any person. And he may have the thought “why not change, anyway, every day I hear about betrayal that never happened.” And he begins to pay attention to the more balanced and calm friend of the opposite sex. Thus, you yourself are pushing him to betray.
7. Try to meet with your friends more often. Just don't choose envious people. Find someone in your circle who will cheer you up and bring you back to life. There is no need to communicate with those who “cheat” you.
8. Call your loved one to straight Talk. Try to understand the motives for certain of his actions. By remaining silent and thinking, you can easily paint an unflattering picture in your head. If your husband is late at work every day, try talking openly with him about your suspicions. Perhaps he found a part-time job to buy you an expensive anniversary gift, and you have already mentally figured out his mistress.

Jealousy is a negative feeling that should not be allowed to grow and consume all your thoughts and feelings. If jealousy becomes unbridled and uncontrollable, you need to consult a psychologist. However, in most cases, you are able to cope with these problems on your own, because you are strong, self-sufficient personality, is not it?

Video: how to stop being jealous (consultation with a psychologist)