When you look at the bride and groom, the heart rejoices. The lovers cannot take their eyes off each other, they are happy and it seems to them that this will always continue. It doesn’t even cross my mind that it could be different. But, unfortunately, the truth of life sometimes runs counter to these expectations. Within a couple of years (and sometimes even less) life together some couples tender feelings are replaced by scandals, reproaches and mutual accusations. Why is this happening? How can these two, who until recently sincerely loved each other, say such terrible words to their chosen one? Where did that go wonderful feeling, which seemed endless like the universe? Can a relationship last a lifetime?

The relationship between a man and a woman is a path in which they are poisoned together. Whether it will be long or short, interesting or banal depends on the two of them. And we can also say that relationships are a process, and like any process, they have their stages or stages. These are the stages in the development of relations that I propose to talk about.

I met different versions, which distinguished from three to nine levels of relationships, but most of all I was interested in a system originating in the Vedic texts, which correlates very well with modern family psychology.

Before proceeding to consider these stages of relationship development, it is worth noting that partners do not always go through them synchronously: one, for example, may already be ready for the fifth stage, while the other is stuck at the third. The time it takes to go through this whole cycle can also be very different, but to achieve last stages it usually takes at least 7 years.

1. Falling in love

Yes Yes. This is exactly the period about which so many poems have been written, countless songs have been sung, and many films have been shot. A person in love literally loses his head from the feelings that flood over him, as if wings grow behind his back, and it seems that gravity barely keeps him in the material world. "Beloved, I will give you this star." But what inspires creative people, scientists look with skepticism. "It's all about physiology," they say. Harvard professor Helen Fisher examined the lovers with the help of a tomograph and came to the following conclusion.

The brain of a person in love strongly secretes some hormones responsible for the feeling of pleasure and euphoria. And here negative emotions and rational thinking are blocked. Especially high activity was noted in those areas of the brain that are responsible for desires, motivation, attraction and addiction. And here's what's interesting: with the same force, these zones react to cocaine! The brain activity of a lover and the brain of a person who has taken this drug look very similar.

The state of such chemical love” or passionate love lasts 12-18 months. If this period had lasted longer, the organism would have suffered from exhaustion, nervous and physical. It is noted that many lovers really noticeably lose weight.

From a psychological point of view, the following happens. A man and a woman struck by Cupid's arrow have discovered each other and are experiencing strong attraction. It is like eating a marvelous and hitherto unfamiliar fruit. You want to feel the taste again, again and again. Therefore, this stage is also called the saturation stage.

2. Saturation stage

But any taste, even the most beautiful, cannot always be new. Gradually, we begin to get used to it and get fed up with it. As soon as the beloved or beloved begins to live with you together, this stage is not far off. For some it may take a year, for others it may take a few months. The state of long-term love can be maintained when a certain distance in communication is observed. Hence the long romantic relationship, which develop at a distance during correspondence or rare meetings. When people begin to live together, they gradually begin to notice in their chosen one not only advantages, but also disadvantages, which turn out to be not so few.

3. Rejection

The state of rejection occurs when the "chemistry of love" has already ceased to operate. Rose-colored glasses evaporate, and the person begins to doubt the partner and wonder if he was in a hurry with the choice. This is where quarrels and showdowns begin. In fact, there are only two options here: learn to accept the partner with all its shortcomings and move to a new stage of relations or embark on a “warpath”, unsuccessfully trying to remake another person for yourself. For many couples, this stage turns into a complete disappointment in the chosen one and a break in relations. At this stage, people often begin to think that they have chosen the wrong partner. It seems that with another person everything would have turned out differently. They break off old relationships, start new ones, but as soon as they reach the same stage, they again feel disappointed and are again ready to set off in search of " ideal relationship". If you fail to go to new level, then such walking in a circle can last a lifetime.

4. Patience

IN traditional society religious and cultural traditions contribute to the preservation of marriage, but in modern society they are greatly weakened. Help me get through this difficult phase. modern man can understand and work on yourself. Many intuitively understand this and it is during this period that they most often seek advice from a psychologist, read special literature, and attend seminars. The crisis of the third year of marriage often coincides with the third or fourth stage, this is the very moment when love boat breaks about life. You can observe the following picture: by the beginning of the fourth stage, many already have a child, a woman transfers almost all her attention to him. Relationships become much more casual. But since now there are new common goals, property, children, it is impossible to go only on the occasion of emotions and desires. Therefore, you have to endure. But the task of this period is not at all to endure the hardships of living together with clenched teeth. If you do this, then such patience may sooner or later burst, or there will come a moment when the children grow up. Then old problem will raise their heads again and the couple will feel that the “glue” that has held them together all these years has disappeared, and they again face an unresolved situation: what to do with each other next. The task of this period is completely different. Tolerance towards one's neighbor is the sprout of wisdom and true love. This is a step that helps to overcome selfishness, accept the individuality of another person and understand that "if you want to change something, start with yourself." If you know how to respect not only your own opinions and desires, but also the needs of your partner, and you see in him an individuality, and not a dough for sculpting your ideal, congratulations, the passage of this stage is nearing its end. IN given period there are also quarrels, but they are already manageable, and there is an understanding that the sun will reappear because of the clouds in time.

“Very few people know what love is. Ninety-nine percent of people, unfortunately, think that sexuality is love. But it's not. Sexuality, passion is very animal, it undoubtedly has the ability to develop into love, but this is not true love, but only an opportunity. ”Osho Zen Taro. VI lasso.

5. Service

In fact, only from this stage we begin to approach the concept of "Love". At the beginning of the development of a relationship, it may seem that the lovers have already achieved it and can disinterestedly and happily do something for their partner. But is it really possible to understand this only after some time, when the “chemistry of love” subsides and a person’s actions begin to be guided by his true beliefs, and not endorphins. If at the previous stages the motives were quite egocentric, then here the other person is perceived not as a source of pleasure, but as an object of service. If we want someone to fulfill your desires, this may not be part of the plans of another, but if we ourselves show a willingness to serve another person, then he is unlikely to refuse. And over time, perhaps he will have a sincere desire to answer you the same. In the East, the tradition is still alive, for most people there it is completely clear that love will not appear out of the blue, it must be cultivated, it must be earned.

6. Respect

This is the result of the previous step. People already know each other well, they have gone through many life tests together. Partners have learned to do something pleasant and right friend for a friend without asking for anything in return. The couple accumulates a "bank of trust" and gratitude. Partners can easily exchange energy, thoughts and feelings.

7. Love

This is the very long-awaited fruit that has ripened as a result of patience, understanding and caring for each other. The couple understands each other perfectly, experiences great pleasure when communicating. This is a real spiritual achievement and only very few reach this level. As we mature, we may begin to experience love that goes beyond attraction and respects the unique individuality of the other person. We begin to realize that our partner often acts as a mirror, reflecting the invisible aspects of our true selves and helping us become more whole.

And it seems to me that the words of the Apostle Paul are dedicated to such love: “Love endures for a long time, is merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, is not proud, does not act outrageously, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never ends".

If I had never seen in my life concrete examples confirming the truth of these words, I would decide that everything written above is another beautiful theory. But several times in my life I happened to meet couples who, being already in a very old age walking hand in hand along the alley of the park or riding the subway. And there was something in their faces and eyes that immediately distinguished them from the crowd, they shone with peace and quiet happiness. They were talking to each other, smiling and seemed not to notice anyone around except each other.

True love is not random gift fate, but a reward for efforts, the desire to overcome difficulties and a lot of work on oneself.

In general, you should live your life like this:

That is, he does not feel embarrassed either in clothes or in behavior. Katya (38): “I remember how, at the very beginning of our relationship, Styopa spoke with my father only about stock quotes and about his work. He dressed appropriately: almost always a shirt and tie. It seemed to me that he never rests in their presence, even if we were in the country. Now I suddenly realized that my husband is more relaxed in their presence, says what he thinks, or even just keeps silent, thinking about his own. Parents, by the way, also became noticeably easier with him.

2. It turns out that the legs may not be perfectly smooth.

Veronika (32): “How tired I was of using a razor every day in winter, the skin on my legs was rough, and the hairs were growing faster and faster. Now I don’t use the loom so often, and my husband sometimes makes cute jokes about fur for the winter. But we both seem to be more comfortable that way.”

3. You take care of each other... even during fights.

Natalia (35): “The other day we had a serious argument with Andrei about our accumulated debts. In the midst of the "battle" he suddenly offered ... to eat. You seem to be too emaciated. Needless to say, we finally found a compromise over food.”

4. Your husband told a story that you have never heard before.

Phenomenal, but it happens! Karina (39): "On last week my husband and I were called to school because of our son. He got into a fight with a senior. We met after work and went to the director together. Along the way, Misha told me how at 15 he also became the instigator of a fight at school, he defended a girl from his class from unfair bullying. We have been together for almost 17 years, but it seems that I have never experienced so much love and respect for my husband.

5. You no longer try to change it.

Lisa (34): “I realized that we are a family when I stopped “nag” my husband about tea bags scattered around the house. At first, I came up with special containers in each room - so that he would throw them there. But the cups still had to be collected throughout the house. And after some time, I suddenly realized: he helped me pass my driving license, defended my doctoral thesis with me and was present at the birth of our daughter ... Can't I spend 2 minutes a day collecting garbage in the house, and my husband just hug?"

6. Beautiful linen lies at the bottom of the box.

At first it may seem that it is asexual. In fact, often truly loving people simply do not need additional attributes to confirm feelings. Sexologists agree with this. And you?

Entering into a relationship, the focus of attention in a couple is important to focus on living in pleasure and supporting each other in growth. We women, next to men, can develop in our femininity. Men are next to us in their masculinity.

Relationships can become very fulfilling and fulfilling for you if you allow yourself Mindfulness. Make your relationship conscious, take it to a new level and you will feel like a happy woman!

What is a conscious relationship? This is a relationship in which partners want each to grow individually. The simultaneous development of two personalities gives the development of the couple as a whole. It's a process all the time. Everyone in a couple is constantly evolving, relationships are always moving forward. They are interesting.

It is important that a woman develops towards her femininity, and a man towards his masculinity.

By the way, this becomes possible only in pairs. Our soulmate can show us the way. Sometimes, developing ourselves in solitude, when it seems to us that more womanly woman than you simply do not exist, this illusion quickly collapses as soon as a man appears nearby. Therefore, a man is nearby for us on the one hand, a source for growth, at the same time, and Feedback our development.

When in a couple you decide to personally grow side by side, then this goal for each is personal on the one hand, and on the other becomes common. She unites loving people in a couple.

According to the habit adopted from our parents, we go into a relationship in order to satisfy our needs at the expense of another partner (material, sexual, and even children's, which were not fully satisfied by mom and dad). And naturally, such relationships fail. It is accepted today to look for benefits in relationships.

But the world does not stand still. Perhaps it is precisely today that the crisis in relations suggests that it is time to transfer them to a new, more high level, improve, look for new motivation and realize new horizons of opportunities in a pair.

Do you feel the need to take your relationship to the next level?

I think it's important to see several mandatory signs of a conscious relationship. So:

1. development of each partner.

This is a difficult moment. We are used to waiting and drawing some pictures in our heads. But conscious relationships imply development, and here it is important to remove fantasies and illusions about what your relationship should be like. In a conscious relationship, it's a process. Every moment is your contribution to the relationship. When you demand and try to manage the relationship in favor of your needs, conflict cannot be avoided. In my opinion, breakups too.

2. Solving past relationship problems.

Conscious couples know that everyone has their own mental wounds. In a relationship, the risk of hurting a partner is very high. Especially if you're not trying to heal yourself. We are not always able to see when we get into our pain that the source of the pain is ourselves, not our partner. More often than not, pain is caused by expectations that are not fulfilled by our loved one's actions.

If you decide on such work within yourself, you will make a huge leap in your development, and accordingly your relationships will become easier, there will be more intimacy.

3. All feelings are welcome!

In a conscious relationship, there is a place for the whole spectrum of feelings. This is a space where it becomes safe to be yourself. Of course, this becomes justified when you do it from a position of wisdom. You can talk about the fact that you are angry in the form of an opportunity to convey your attitude to the situation, or you can yell, expressing that very anger. What do you think is conscious action? Such an expression of feelings is possible only where there is trust and acceptance.

4. Relationships are the place for true love!

Love as an emotion flares up and eventually goes out. It seems to us that love has passed. In a conscious relationship, there is an understanding that love is an action. And it is a very quiet feeling within you. Love is an experience. The experience of being present, forgiving, accepting, and even receiving heart wounds. But it is valuable and important. The conscious couple accepts this. Love is exploration. This is a journey. This is the variability in your relationship.

Such relationships make it possible to manifest love, strengthen it, relationships become such that you may not have dreamed of.

I believe that every woman deserves to be loved happy and desired!

anna base

Leading to Creation a full-fledged family serious relationship between man and woman- the topic is complex, individual and relevant at all times. To build strong couple, inside which love, harmony, trust and understanding reign, it will take a lot of effort on both sides. However, more and more often there is a format of relationships where a girl is ready and wants further development based on support, loyalty and responsibility, and a man, on the contrary, is happy to be content with infrequent meetings and doesn’t even want to hear about something more serious. So the young ladies have to think and look for advice on how to turn such fashionable and popular free meetings into a serious relationship. Is it possible to do this?

At any stage of a relationship, it must be remembered that what is easily available is not appreciated. Don't let yourself be treated like a won trophy that won't go away.

Can an open relationship turn into a serious one?

Before answering this question, let's figure out what a serious relationship is? This is a relationship in which partners have general plans for the future and do not look for any fallback options on the side. Such relationships involve depth and mutual trust. A counterweight open relationship- it's like a relationship-soap bubble: today there is, and tomorrow they may not be, because one partner has found someone better for himself.

At the beginning of dating, people want romance, passion, and dates that are not burdened with routine problems and worries. Often after this candy-bouquet period relationships change and become deeper, people understand and accept each other's problems, support in difficult life situations, remain faithful and feel like a whole. Or, if sympathy has not developed into deep feelings, the period of courtship is followed by parting.

But what to do when a couple "gets stuck" on stage initial acquaintance? If everyone continues to live their own lives, devoting a small part of their free time to a partner, without delving into business, problems and soul feelings each other? How to move with a guy to a new level imperceptibly, unobtrusively and naturally? As a rule, men are more often the initiators in such cases, and girls accept a similar format of meetings, but at the same time they invariably ask themselves the question: will a serious relationship grow into something without obligations, how to change the habitual alignment? There is no single answer, everything is individual and depends on specific people, features of character and outlook.

To turn an open relationship into a serious one, find out why the guy avoids the latter

To begin with, the girl needs to study the man, his past, his parents and their parents as best as possible. family values. This will allow us to conclude what is the reason for the guy’s reluctance to enter into a serious relationship and determine the possibility of creating it in the future. Such reasons may be:

Fear of responsibility. It is characteristic of many, especially at first, when people only get to know each other. In such a situation, you need to carefully find out whether an open relationship is the principled position of a young man or whether he, as a decent male representative, does not want to get ahead of himself and take on premature obligations.
recent breakup. Under such circumstances, it is unlikely that a person will immediately want to plunge headlong into a serious relationship. It will take time to let go of the past. Of course, it is not very pleasant to be used to heal previous wounds, but perhaps, as time passes, such a connection will result in a serious continuation.
Fear of change. She is associated with a problematic childhood or. A person does not want to part with the usual course of things, where everything is familiar, there is no need to strain and make efforts. After all, building a serious relationship is a way out of the comfort zone, a violation of the usual way of life, work on oneself and a close relationship with another person. It is not known whether the inveterate loner wants to change his worldview - it’s just not in his style to spend nights on how to take relationships to a new level, when everyone is already happy with everything. Therefore, if a girl is in a free relationship with such a person, one must be prepared to make a titanic effort to break through the wall of beliefs, and be prepared to lose.
A man feels that they want to marry him. For the most part, guys are afraid like fire that they will be "caught" by cunning girls. Therefore, on initial stage dating, even if a woman saw a prince in him, it is necessary to carefully hide this, giving the man freedom of choice. And it's a pity that rarely any of the girls listens to great advice- don't be too hasty physical proximity: usually the question is “how to translate sex into a serious relationship?” then only women ask themselves, and men only enjoy the current moment and do not burden themselves with philosophical thoughts about a common future.

Such reasons can prevent an open relationship from turning into a serious or legal marriage. But if a guy has deep feelings and sees a future with a girl together, he will find the strength and desire to change for her.

You should not try too hard in a relationship, men feel it and unconsciously (or on purpose) check how far the girl will go so as not to lose him

Men are afraid of too persistent and determined women. prefer to remain leaders and make their own decisions. And women are cunning and sophisticated personalities. A smart girl gets everything he wants from a man, while making him think that he wants the same. If a man does not show a desire to move to another level, then tips on how to turn an open relationship into a more serious one will help the girl build communication correctly:

Hint that there are other fans. If during easy conversation to the question "can we consider ourselves a couple?" the man evades a direct answer, then the girl gives a logical explanation that she herself does not like to label, but what about other men answering the question about her freedom? In this case a hint of rivalry is taken as a challenge. In addition, the fear of losing a girl will exacerbate male feelings and will help to understand how much she is dear to him.
When a young person is unable to make a decision, don't push or push on him. It is better to give time to decide, and if the decision is not made, then offer to remain friends. At the same time, it is important that the girl does not make claims and demands. Then the very fact that a man is demoted to the status of a friend will cause a sense of loss, including loss of control over the situation.

A serious relationship is a relationship where you make plans for the future together.

When a man openly declares that he is not ready for a serious relationship, the girl calmly replies that she herself is not in a hurry to put on a veil, but wants clarity. This situation will change the scenario and instead of a girl, a man will become a victim. It is advisable to spend less time with a young man. If in the future he does not try to win the girl, then better to break off a hopeless relationship
Talk heart to heart. If the relationship lasts for a while, and there is no development, why not be frank with each other? Only this should be done without scenes and tantrums, and not too zealous in drawing up express plans for moving with a guy to a new level of communication. Should be made clear young man that the girl is not satisfied with the current state of affairs, and specifically indicate what she would like from the relationship - after all men are not always aware of the true women's desires . Perhaps such a conversation will bear fruit, and the guy will take a different look at the chosen one.

Conclusion

Despite the advice, do not forget that treat people the way they want. This directly relates to the relationship between a man and a woman. Therefore, girls first of all need to love and respect themselves, not allowing consumer treatment. A self-sufficient woman with a feeling dignity will cause in a man not only a desire to conquer her, but also to build. You need to focus not on words, but on the actions of a man. He proves the seriousness of his intentions precisely by his actions.

February 24, 2014

Believe me eternal love exists. You can achieve such a unity of souls that you can live with joy all your life with one partner. The main thing is to understand what is happening in the relationship now, on what segment of your love you are now. Loneliness is not a stop, but also one of the stages of movement. This is the time for reflection that fate gives us. Love has certain periods, or rather (as psychologists say) - levels, with their own characteristics, difficulties and joys.

Analyze your former relationship at what level do you get stuck that keeps you from going further? And enter into new stage your life renewed. Our guide will help.

Level 1 - falling in love

There is a flash, a flame flares up in your chest, and now you already feel that you are losing your head. Yes, you are in love. This is the most vivid, sensual, passionate level. Partners are physically attracted to each other all the time, I want to touch, to be around as often as possible. I like everything in the chosen one: the timbre of the voice, the look, the gait ... Even the shortcomings delight. People are in a state of euphoria and do not quite adequately perceive reality.

This is one of the basic compatibility levels, but also the most short-lived. If the relationship is at an impasse at this stage, the partners will soon cool off towards each other.

What to do? IN It is important, in addition to physical ones, to look for other points of contact with a partner. new hobbies, common affairs- that's what will help people stay together. Trust your partner and don't take it upon yourself male functions. Even weak man becomes strong when he feels trust from a woman.

Level 2 - Satisfaction

Physical attraction is still quite strong, partners become attached to each other. But pink glasses subside, shortcomings become noticeable, habits begin to irritate. People have already more or less studied each other, so laziness appears, sometimes you want to take a break from each other.
Everyone goes through this level. This situation is not yet a threat of a break, but an occasion to think about the person who is nearby.

What to do? If you don't want the relationship to reach a dead end, if you plan to stay together and continue to work, otherwise the relationship will fade. Always remember that a woman brings pleasure to a man's life. This is the creation of a spiritual atmosphere and comfort. Let it be a joy for you to bring pleasure to a man.

Level 3 - rejection

The most sensitive and therefore fragile period in the life of the senses. A certain amount of not only positive, but also negative emotions has already accumulated. Partners begin to sort things out, to defend their position. I want to change another person for myself. And the question inevitably arises: “Am I in a hurry? Did you choose the right man?

Unfortunately, for many couples this level becomes the last. It seems that it is easier to break off a deadlocked relationship than to do something, adjust and break yourself. People break up so that after a while they repeat the same mistakes that they made in past relationships.

What to do? Reduce your activity. Often quarrels occur due to the fact that the woman takes on the role of leader, the man feels slighted. Learn to appreciate the things your partner does for you. And never hesitate to talk about your desires. Appreciate yourself, because it depends on how a man will treat you.

Level 4 - Patience

Partners who have reached this level become more tolerant, try to accept each other with all the advantages and disadvantages, respect the desires and needs. Quarrels no longer seem so catastrophic. In any case, they will not cause a divorce. In general, people feel comfortable. And many couples spend their whole lives at this level. Although they are only a few steps away from true love.

What to do? It is important not to get bogged down in trifles, not to let life absorb you. Remember, the woman is responsible for the romance in a relationship. Pamper your man, do nice gifts arrange surprises. He will definitely respond to your message and repay with love.

Level 5 - service

This is almost aerobatics. Here, partners perceive their relationship as creativity. They do not only necessary, but also simply pleasant friend for a friend without asking for anything in return. The couple has their own "piggy bank of gratitude." Partners feel each other and literally read minds. Relationships are already pretty. At the same time, partners understand that they still have room for growth. It is worth trying a little, and you can reach the highest point of pleasure.

What to do? It is important to let your partner fulfill himself. We need to support each other's interests, help to reveal talents. A woman is a muse that inspires a man. If you manage to become her, then the partner will perform feats in the name of you and your love.

6th level - respect

We can say that there is complete harmony between the partners. People practically do not quarrel, they know everything sharp corners and deliberately bypass them, they know how to keep silent in time. Everyone tries to help, to make the life of another more comfortable. Moreover, concessions are not perceived as a sacrifice, but bring joy. Such couples are on the threshold of true love. They already have practically nothing to do, because their relationship will no longer come to a standstill, and the fair wind of fate will itself lead them to their cherished goal.

What to do? Help and support, give in time wise advice. It is important to find your own way that will help protect your partner from negativity. Perhaps he will not immediately begin to listen, do not despair. Wisdom also lies in the ability to wait in the wings.

Level 7 - love

Very few couples reach this level. Such people have such a powerful spiritual connection that both people are perceived as a single whole. Partners understand that they are a mirror image of each other. These couples know that love is not Lucky case. And, first of all, big job over oneself, the desire to make another happy. Yes, reaching this level is difficult, but possible.

What to do? Be in love. A woman is the one that brings warmth and light that fills a man. Always remember this!