Nobody likes to end a relationship - but it's much harder when you leave completely, both mentally and physically, and you have a new boyfriend. If you've started looking for a new person but haven't decided on an old one yet, that's weird, because the new person in your life should know you're not running between guys.

This article contains steps to make the transition easier for you. And the sooner you do it, the better, because, in the end, everyone will find out someday!

Steps

Assess your relationship. Think about why you started looking for a new guy when you yourself were still in a relationship. Did you just start to move away from each other, or did something contribute to this? It is important to understand why you started dating a new person in order to make the breakup less painful. Write a list of at least 3 reasons why you are leaving an old relationship and starting a new one.

• Are these reasons convincing? Are they enough for a new relationship, or are you making a big mistake? You need to know this so you don't regret it later.

1. Reflect on your relationship. Do a mental analysis of your new partner, just as you did with the old guy. Why did you start dating this person, and what attracted you to him? It is very important whether the person knows that you are dating someone else? If your girlfriend or boyfriend is in the dark, this can cause problems, especially if you start to get serious about the relationship. As with an old partner, write down at least 3 reasons why you started a new relationship and how it differs from the previous ones.

   • Are these reasons compelling for starting a new relationship in place of the old one? Again, make sure there is no ambiguity here.

2. Check the calendar to meet your new partner on days that suit you. Time is everything. Avoid significant events such as holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries - especially if the anniversary is for a sad occasion, such as the anniversary of the death of a loved one. Pick a random day - one that doesn't matter to you or your boyfriend. However, don't use the opportunity to choose the "right day" as an excuse that it's all over. The sooner you end the old relationship, the better for both of you.

   Choose a place where you can report the breakup. Always end a relationship in front of the person—not by phone, text, or email. You must invite the person to a meeting. However, if you think this could be dramatic, choose a public place, but avoid crowded, secluded restaurants. If your significant other does not agree with this, he or she may not agree with the environment and the fact that you are in front of everyone. Also, choose a place where it will be easy for you to leave. Waiting for a check in a restaurant can be awkward, so keep a distance that will allow you to be mobile. It could be:

   • Remote park (no playground for kids)
   • Shopping mall
   • Gym
   • Coffee shop
   • Park for sportsmen
   • Places to avoid:
     • Restaurant
     • Your favorite place as couples
     • His/her or your house - some people find it easier if their relationship breaks down in their house, but if they live on their own, so look at the circumstances)
     • On a rest
     • Game or concert

3. Tell your new girlfriend or boyfriend about your plans for ending an old relationship. If you haven't told the new person that you have someone else, now is the time. If you want to have a serious, honest relationship, you need to bring him up to date. Just like choosing a day to end an old relationship, you can choose a day to let your new partner know that you have someone else.

   • Start the conversation by saying that your feelings for this person intensify.
   • Explain how your life has changed since you met.
   • Discuss future plans with this person.
   • Explain to him that you have an old relationship, but you will break it off and explain why.
   • Convince the new partner that the breakup will lead to the final disintegration of the previous relationship.

4. Keep in touch with your current partner to arrange a meeting and end the relationship. Don't tell the person on the phone, text, or email why you want to meet, just ask them to meet on a specific day and time to talk. Don't talk on the phone too often and don't say things like "I love you" or "I miss you." Avoid awkward situations - even if the person started first. Be persistent but gentle.

   Get ready for the meeting. Rehearse if you need to. Don't use sticky notes, don't put them near you, and don't look at them while you're talking. First, list the positive qualities of a person, but do not suffer remorse for what reason you are now there - breaking off relations. Ask the other person if they were happy with you. You will be surprised if he says "no" to you. (Be ready to answer them, ask if there will be any negative consequences for you, and say that you are sorry and you realize that they were happy and you were not.) Other reasons to consider:

   • Avoid talking about your significant other handing you over to another person - this will only lead to an unproductive discussion, and will say a lot about your desire to be independent. This is not a tactic; it's a way to apologize to your ex-lover.
   • Don't let the person think that maybe you will come back. Make it clear that everything is over.
   • Don't point fingers - there are two (or no) involved in the relationship. Admit your mistakes, lack of commitment and time for relationships.
   • Don't bring up the past - talk about the "here and now" and not about, for example, when he or she kissed someone else. The idea behind this is not to blame your ex or make him look bad, on the contrary, help them understand that this is the best solution for both of you.

5. Come to the meeting on time. Show the person that you respect them by arriving promptly at the meeting point and during the meeting. If you know the person is always late, take something with you so you can fill the waiting time. Grab a book, e-book or play on your phone. Be calm before the meeting (and after it, of course).

   Be calm and control the conversation. Controlling a conversation means that you will be ready for it and tell the news about the breakup as quickly as possible. Also prepare to ask as many questions as possible, even if the person has asked you, questions about how the person took the news, how they feel, and what they will do next. In answer to your questions, this shows that you care about their well-being, but also you will not be able to devote all your time, while he thinks about how they perceive it and how they should live on.

   • At the same time, reduce the possibility that your ex might overreact, so keep that in mind when you're in a meeting. If you are calm, you may be able to resolve the situation.
   • If you have their belongings at home, make sure you give them space to pick up without pressure or anxiety. You can also offer to move them, but in a way that doesn't sound like you don't want them to pick up things themselves.

6. Watch the time. Don't let this conversation drag on for more than an hour. You've taken the person's time to discuss his or her feelings, but don't drag out the conversation; it will only lead to an unhealthy situation and your ex will start giving you many reasons why it shouldn't happen and why you should reconsider your feelings. Come up with a good reason why you need to leave, such as meeting someone else, work, or going to bed early. Offer to drive them home or call a taxi.

   Try to end the conversation on a good note. Sometimes this is impossible to do, especially if the person did not expect or did not want a break. If the person resists, you can't do anything. However, if you do it in a friendly way, wish the person well, you might even hug. Do not make plans for a quick meeting and do not say "Let's be friends." The breakup is still too fresh to plan a friendship.

7. Depending on how serious your relationship was, don't bring personal items such as jewelry or token gifts to return (like bears or birthday gifts). Talking about a breakup is not a day for exchanging gifts - it will only add insult to injury. These things can be returned later, but not too late.

Warnings

• There is always a risk that your new boyfriend will not approve and will be upset that you have not yet ended the old relationship, but are already entering a new one.
• If your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't want to break up with you, repeat these steps again. Reassess your behavior to find out if you are doing anything that will show that you are giving the person false hope. If not, cut off all contact with the person unless they have already accepted that you want to break up.
• If you feel like your ex is stalking you, even if you've already asked him not to, say you can get help. I would like to believe that this will stop him. If not, and you feel uncomfortable, contact the police.

“Antivirus software developers are terrible! Do not buy antiviruses and remove them if you already have them (not counting Microsoft [solutions] on Windows)."

Renowned Mozilla engineer Robert O'Callahan was previously a Mozilla Distinguished Engineer but left the organization last year after 16 years. O'Callahan has previously been known for being harsh about various companies, but now he seems to have outdone himself and published a message on his blog calling for the abandonment of all antiviruses except for Microsoft products.

“There is almost no evidence that top antivirus products (not MS) improve network security in any way. Rather, they noticeably harm her. For example, look at the bugs in antivirus software found by Google Project Zero. These bugs not only show that these products are open to most types of attacks, but their developers generally do not follow standard security practices (Microsoft, on the other hand, demonstrates competence),” O’Callahan writes.

O'Callahan goes on to say that antiviruses are poisoning the entire software ecosystem as their invasive and poorly written code makes it difficult for developers of browsers and other software to improve their own security. The expert recalls the case when Firefox for Windows got support for ASLR, but many antivirus vendors immediately ruined everything by introducing their own DLLs into the process that disabled ASLR. O'Callahan also recalled how antivirus software has repeatedly blocked Firefox updates, depriving users of important fixes.

"It's hard for software vendors to talk about these issues because it requires cooperation from antivirus vendors," the developer continues. After all, modern users believe that the word "antivirus" is a synonym for the word "security". So, according to O’Callahan, it’s dangerous to quarrel with large antivirus manufacturers if they start throwing mud at the company, the consequences can be the most deplorable. As an example, O'Callahan cites his own bitter experience: when he tried to hold an antivirus maker to account for code injection into the Firefox API, Mozilla's PR department silenced him. After all, in retaliation, the antivirus vendor could recognize Firefox as unsafe, or accuse browser developers of making users victims of malware.

“When your product crashes on startup due to antivirus interference, users will blame your product, not the antivirus. Even worse, if an antivirus makes your product incredibly slow and bloated, users will assume that it is, ”the engineer laments.

It is worth saying that in recent years, O'Callahan has managed to criticize many. Here are just a few examples:

• in early 2017, O'Callahan criticized browser makers because all of them (except Mozilla) primarily care about their business interests, but not about web standards;

When you meet a person, and at the same time you have only you, and he has only him, then everything is simple. You can go on long dates, dress up, wander around museums, kiss at the movies, go to holiday homes, Istanbul or Paris for the weekend, you can stay up at night and correspond for days.

Whether it's when you both have children from past relationships, marriages. Then good luck if you still get out on a date without them.

I have a daughter. He has a daughter. And here's what comes out of it.

Getting to know children

It's worse than meeting your parents. Parents are still adults, and although it seemed to us then, in our youth, that they could forbid us to meet now ... They could not do anything. But children can make your life unbearable. Therefore, getting to know them is cooler than passing the exam and getting the right to the traffic police at the same time.

At first, everyone is likely to please everyone. Because you will try, buy lollipops and smile with all your might. But when someone suddenly shouts in your ear or bites you on the cheek from a surge of tenderness, you can bark and ... stop liking.

What to do: Don't try to be a dream parent. And don't buy too much ice cream.

time for two

It is practically non-existent. We need to develop plans more abruptly than Barbarossa to stay alone. School, work, dinner, shop, lessons (each with their own children). Maybe on Thursday there will be 15 minutes to drink.

What if you go out to dinner at a restaurant? Children call every minute, go into video chat and yell: “Show, show, who are you with? Are you with Anya? Are you eating? What do you eat? Anya-ah-ah-ah! Talk to me!" And then into another phone: “Maaam, I miss you. I'll tell you now what Sonya sent me, you'll go crazy! Are you with Lesha? And show me Lesha. And he will explain to me one bullshit in mathematics? Mom, come soon!"

What to do: win time for the two of you with all your might. Arrange calls with children “only for important business.”

Do not offer intimacy

As in students: there is with whom, but nowhere. He has a child at home who studies music, you also have a child, and even invites friends.

If you ask the children to go to bed early, they jump up to the ceiling until the morning. As soon as you hug tightly, the eyes of the heirs light up: “Do you love each other? Will you have a small one?

Oh! It's good that the kids still go to school. And it’s also good for those who have excellent relationships with ex-husbands / wives, in this case the children leave for a day, and you have a chance to remember your youth.

But even here there is an ambush: for example, one child leaves for a week, but comes for the weekend, while the other has the opposite. As a result, one child is always with you. And you want to talk with him too ... In general, sheer parental guilt, lack of sleep and dislike.

What to do: in any case, hide their passions from children. Children are sure that adults sleep together only after the wedding. So until you are ready to live in love and according to the law, hide. By the way, it adds emotions.

Gypsy camp

Any trip, trip anywhere turns into a madhouse. You can't walk hand in hand, hugging, looking at the stars and discussing a re-read Shakespeare.

In your hands are the jackets of children in which they are hot, the juices of children that they have not finished drinking, napkins, hats, toys, etc. You're always wiping someone's chocolate off or wiping someone's nose. Over time, it becomes not important who wipes whose nose and who drags whose jacket.

What to do: all here is to do it. Such camping trips bring together and reveal many reactions and character traits. If you are a family, this is how you will spend your time. Rehearse.

Will you get married?

They ask about it if they see you holding hands. They yell and clap their hands or, conversely, sob and demand "mom / dad back." In general, they have already decided everything, even though you have known each other for a couple of months.

And such questions, of course, terribly confuse you. You also didn’t confess your love to each other and just look closely. Yes, if you get married, you still want it to be your decision. And instead of a romantic proposal and a champagne ring, you get: “Dad, dad, will you get married, well, tell me, tell me!!! No, tell me now! And kiss her! Oh-oh-oh, you are like a prince and princess!”

They share you

"This is my dad, don't hold his hand!" "That's my mom, don't you dare hug her!" "Mom, she got me!" “Daddy, I won’t stay with her!” Oh!

At such moments, you need to have the endurance of the level of "Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter" in order to remain in love. I want to quit everything and return to that boring, but calm life, when everything was simple. You and your child.

What to do: what Julia Borisovna Gippenreiter would do is to talk to children. Explain, reassure, convince that no one will take away their father or mother from them, say that eating with four is more fun, and that it's great when there is a father who throws him into the pool from his shoulder, and a mother who reads at night ...

Well, in general, what else do you have enough wisdom for. And hug them, hug them, hug them!

What not to do: don't get mad at each other because of the kids. Each of you will want to stand up for his own (this is instinct), and then - a bloody battle (and your Katya, and your Lena!). Well, if you don’t get personal and start “Your daughter is the same as you!”

Children will tell a lot

“You know, Lesha, my mother cooks very tasty, especially in orange sauce, and she is also beautiful!” “Anna, my dad is sooooo kind, he’ll buy you everything if you ask!”

Ecology of life. Psychology: We cannot regain youth and completely control our health, but we can do something important for him ...

It doesn't happen all at once. Yesterday you were jogging and dragging bags from shops, but today you can’t straighten up or you see that from running ... you pee a little.

“No, this is a temporary phenomenon, it will pass: I will undergo treatment with the Chinese, I will practice Kegel exercises, I will go to training, I ... I ...”

And at some point you sit down and cry, because the pressure is jumping, weight, no, it’s not jumping, it’s growing, the bastard, and the problems from the first paragraph are growing, and menopause (and men too) is either now in acute form (and this is generally a nightmare), or in a prolonged form (and this is also not sugar).

About addiction to youth

Most people during this period rush in a vicious circle. Attempts to improve health with the help of sports or some medical methods, temporary improvement, breakdown, new doctors, gymnastics, diets - light at the end of the tunnel - breakdown. Doesn't it remind you of anything? That's right, this is a description of DEPENDENT BEHAVIOR.

I will give an example: an alcoholic is being treated - does not drink - he is better - a breakdown - is being treated - does not drink - he is better - a breakdown. No, seriously, very similar. What kind of addiction is this?

I named it YOUTH ADDITION.

Who doesn't drink? says the alcoholic. Who doesn't want to be young? - our comrade (master) will say 50+.

Their ideas are strongly supported by society. Alcohol is at every step, holidays are accompanied by drinking, heart-to-heart conversation with them, recovery (for example, a bath) - as if without alcohol!

The same with the idea of ​​youth: if you are not young - shame! There is a monstrous pressure: how much a person should weigh, what cubes on the stomach, how many erections per week, how many wrinkles are acceptable - everything is calculated and prescribed.

For example, there is a fitness weight norm. I conducted a survey in my fitness, who corresponds to this norm, out of about 50 people, 2 girls corresponded - one is 16-year-old anorexic in appearance, the second, however, is really a 19-year-old fitness girl. And all the rest: neither men, nor women, neither young nor old, did not match. What kind of standards are these if they are met in a special place where there are obviously more trained people, only 4%?!

Let's get back to YOUTH ADDICTION. She has 2 forms in my experience.

First: I'm already 50, 40, 30 ... What really! I am already old, old, I have the right to get sick, etc. ( Doesn't look indignant: who doesn't drink?). These consider themselves not young initially, almost from the age of 25.

Second the opposite form: I can do everything: a marathon, super training, winter swimming, what else is more extreme? A! Hockey! ( In the case of an alcoholic: but I can still drink and control myself, I can handle it).

It is not known what is worse for our 50+. The first refuse everything that they can, the second really undermine their health with super-efforts.

Elmira, 48 years old: I do not know what to do. I don’t want to get old, get sick, my mother has been moaning and groaning since the age of 30. I walk, work out, and something hurts all the time: either my knee or my pancreas. Should I give up, sit in front of the TV and not live?

Alexey, 54 years old: It’s embarrassing to talk about it, but I can’t do it all night like before. I'm ashamed that I don't fit. And I don't want it anymore. This shame every night: my wife is probably waiting, and I'm already so driven that I don't want to at all.

The first is a variant of DEPENDENCE ON YOUTH by raping oneself, the second is a variant of avoidance. Both are very far from the truth.

As it turned out, Elmira can engage in certain types of physical recovery without health problems, Alexei fully meets his wife's expectations for sex once a week.

What to do with it? The 12 Step Program for alcohol addicts and others has a unique therapeutic effect that helps us, 50+, YOUTH addicts, if not get rid of health problems, then minimize them and lead the most healthy lifestyle possible for everyone. Let's transform them.

The first three steps of the PROGRAM indicate that a person admits his powerlessness before AGING and accepts that there is a Higher Power (God, Nature, Genetics), who understands it as it is, which determines the zone that we cannot control and in which we simply submit to our fate.

From the 4th step, self-responsibility begins: We have deeply and fearlessly explored our lives (important to us) in terms of our physical and mental health. This is where WE do it ourselves: we go through an examination by doctors and take the prescribed treatment, we take consultations from professional fitness instructors, we go through psychological tests, etc.

And the most important thing for Addicts is HONESTY, to stop denying the obvious: We cannot return YOUTH and completely control our HEALTH, but we can do something important for it.published . If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to specialists and readers of our project .

If you've just started working, your bank account is probably not full of money. In order not to be interrupted by a doshirak, you probably earn money somewhere else. Or at least thought about a side job.

It turns out that about 43% are engaged in freelancing. In order to make ends meet and update their resumes, many of them have to stay up late at work.

It doesn't matter how long ago you started freelancing. You probably already understood that it is quite difficult to combine it with a permanent job. But if you learn how to do it correctly, then you can significantly increase your income.

Do you want to have time to earn additionally and at the same time not die of fatigue? Follow these tips.

1. Focus on your main source of income, but don't forget the side ones.

If you care about how much you earn (and most likely it is), analyze which work brings you the most income. This will help you prioritize correctly.

However, remember that other sources of income are also very important. You are expanding your network of contacts, and each of your current customers can become your future employer. Perhaps permanent.

It is wise to focus on a full-time job, as it is usually the one that brings you the most income and offers certain privileges.

2. Let the additional work belong to the same area as the permanent one.

Take orders from the same area in which you work on an ongoing basis. This will help you develop the skills necessary for permanent work and hone your skills. For example, if you work as a videographer for an agency, you can shoot videos for your own clients in your spare time. If you are a graphic designer, you can design a website layout for a small company.

On the other hand, if in the future you want to learn another profession and change jobs, you can use freelancing as an opportunity to try yourself in a new field and gain the necessary experience. Or maybe find a new job. For example, if you want to go into business, find a non-profit company that can't afford to hire a full-time employee.

3. Freelance in the morning

When do you do freelance work? Many work evenings or weekends. And some break the mold: they get up early and take orders in the morning before going to their main job.

This approach has certain advantages. The thought of extra work waiting for you at home won't weigh you down during the day. In addition, freelance work in the morning warms up your brain, which allows you to work more productively in the future.

If you're not an early riser (admittedly, few people are), try a different way to organize your day. Give yourself some time for extra work and do not forget about the weekend. Otherwise, you'll just burn out. For example, do freelance jobs within two hours after work or before bed. Choose any convenient option. The main thing is that you can constantly stick to it.

4. Save time by automating repetitive tasks

If your dream is to give up permanent office work forever and devote all your time to freelancing (which many millennials have already done), then you need to learn to make the most of every minute of your work.

In order to cope with simple monotonous tasks easier and faster, there are many different tools. For example, you can use online services like IFTTT. This is an automator that simplifies the work with various applications, building a certain relationship between them (the principle of if this then that).

For fast and efficient form creation, data collection and payments, you can use the WuFoo service.

It seems that these are all trifles, but the saved minutes are summed up. If you spend 10 minutes a week adding new contacts to the database, 20 minutes creating invoices and sorting documents, you can end up with half an hour of rest or extra work.

5. Avoid burnout. Find time for yourself

When you are full time, you have days off and holidays. Freelancing is more difficult. You just have an order and certain deadlines for its implementation, no one will give you time to rest. This is your concern.

If you are planning a big trip, at least a month before you leave, let your customers know that you will be unavailable for a while. And finish all the work before the trip so that nothing distracts you.

Rest properly. If you work without breaks, then, without noticing it, you will bring yourself to physical and emotional exhaustion. Get busy or just spend your free time with pleasure. Even if you just read a good book, it will already charge you with positive emotions, which will affect your productivity in the future.

It's hard to do everything all at once. But if you use the tips described, it will be easier for you to find a balance between full-time work, freelancing and leisure.