Why is a husband allowed to pay for childbirth without problems, and free birth with husband- rare? After all, according to the law, the husband has every right to be present at the birth, how can this be achieved?

Step-by-step process "giving birth with a husband for free"

Step-0. When choosing a maternity hospital, try to find out if the administration and medical staff of the maternity hospital welcome childbirth with a husband.

Step 1. After you have decided on the maternity hospital, your husband will need to pass some analyzes. In the clinic, at the place of residence:

• Laboratory: blood test for HIV, HBS, HCV and RW.
• Fluorography.

Step-2. Husband needs to go examination by a therapist and take health report.
They look at the absence of cardiovascular diseases (ischemic heart disease, hypertension), endocrine-metabolic (diabetes mellitus), etc.

By phone, it is worth clarifying the list of tests required in the maternity hospital.

Step-3. you need to take birth certificate, it is usually filled out and issued for a period of 30 weeks, in the antenatal clinic, where you are registered.

• The birth certificate is filled in by municipal and state healthcare institutions providing medical care to women during pregnancy and childbirth, which have a license for medical activities in the implementation of works and services in the specialty "obstetrics and gynecology".

Step-4. You need to write " Application for the presence of the husband at the birth» in the name of the head physician of the maternity hospital. You can pick up a sample application from your hospital.

Application example:

Application for free birth with husband

Step-5. With all of the above documents (copies of tests, the conclusion of a therapist, a birth certificate, a statement), you need go to the head or head physician of the maternity hospital who must sign your application.

Find out in advance whether the husband is required to take a change of clothes from home or is it given out at the maternity hospital?

It happens that the manager signs the application, but with some postscript, for example: "subject to free boxes." This is fully consistent with the law:

• The presence of the husband (close relatives) during childbirth is possible subject to conditions(individual delivery rooms), the absence of an infectious disease in the visiting person (ARI, etc.), with the permission of the doctor on duty, taking into account the condition of the woman. Relatives present at the birth must be in change of clothes, gown, shoe covers, mask (in the delivery room).

As well as the fact that your husband, being present at the birth, should not feel like an outsider, because this is his legal right, he "legal representative", "representative of the patient».

Explain to your spouse that, first of all, he acts in the interests of loved ones, i.e. you and your child. After all, in accordance with the current legislation, parents of minor children can represent and act in their interests before any third parties without a power of attorney.

The husband has the right not only to attend the birth free of charge, but also to visit his wife in the maternity hospital free of charge.

If you were denied request in writing the refusal and its justification, with this you can contact a lawyer and higher authorities.

An interesting video about childbirth with her husband - is it worth it?

What do you think?

Comments (15)

1. Katyushka

   I really want my husband to be with me!

2. Nastya P.

   Those. whatever one may say, but the employees of the maternity hospital have a loophole to refuse ... sad.

3. Love

   And that's exactly how I gave birth with my husband and without any contracts :)))) Money was given only for the purchase of my husband's uniform - a bathrobe and shoe covers. Well, nurses in the postpartum, so that the baby is well looked after.

4. Anya

   They collected copies of the tests, wrote a statement at home, came to the maternity hospital - there was no head. They left the folder with all the good things with the guard, gave him 200 rubles. The next day in the evening, the husband drove up to the hospital and took the signed statement!!!

5. Sonya

   And I gave birth with my mother, the process is the same. She was allowed in, despite the fact that there was another girl in the birth room. I will say that Mommy helped me a lot, if I still give birth, then only with her support!

6. Lyalya

   Fuh, we coped with the bureaucracy, there is a signed statement, the main thing now in April is not to get to the car wash.

7. Irina

   My husband and I are going to give birth together. If anyone has experience with this, please let me know if it's worth it.

8. Catherine

   I did not want my husband to be present at the birth, he was happy about this. Now I have a different husband, but my opinion is that there is nothing for him to “be present” with me. Just outside the door! In the sense that if I was giving birth, then I do not want the presence of my husband, even if he is a doctor.
   This is my opinion, I think so. Joint childbirth is a very individual event, you can not force half to participate in them if he / she is against it. IMHO.

9. Svetlana

   And I gave birth with my husband! It was unforgettable! You don't feel alone! The only thing I kicked him out (“Get out of here!”) When I climbed onto the chair was the very process of the baby’s exit. And when there are contractions, he also did a back massage (during the contraction, with bent pointer fingers, press in the pits above the booty in a circular motion - it helps a lot !!!), and you can hang on it - super !!! And when nothing depends on him anymore, when you need complete concentration from mommy, you can ask your husband to leave. Yes, and there is no need for him to be there, he will only be nervous for his beloved, and that nothing can help. And as soon as I gave birth, he came in - hugs, kisses, in general, support again, the feeling that you are not alone in your happiness !!!
   I hope my opinion will be useful to someone!
   And yet, do not be afraid to give birth - the only unpleasant moment is pushing when there are attempts, but you can’t push. And do not yell during childbirth, you will only lose precious strength, and scare the baby. Be calmer, you are still a single whole with him, all your emotions are his emotions! Imagine how scared he is now, you know what is happening, and the baby is scared of the unknown, and at the same time his universe-you is screaming, nervous ... Think about your imminent meeting, about this little bundle of happiness, which very soon you will be able to take on hands, hug, kiss and tell him how happy you are to finally meet him!!!
   I wish you all a calm, painless, successful birth!!! Health to you and your kids!!!

10. Lesya

    giving birth with my husband was not so easy (for me personally), my husband panicked more than I did. it’s good that an obstetrician-psychologist was present at the birth, who had to not only set me up, but also most of my husband :) I was lucky with the doctors, I gave birth in Lapino, honey. center. in my opinion, the best, then I stayed in the rehabilitation department with my daughter, everything was at the highest level, my health was improved, lactation was adjusted. my husband came every day at a convenient time, so he went through the whole process with us from and to :)

11. Elena

    And I was treated by a man who received an acute myocardial infarction at the age of 36, while attending the birth of his wife. I will never allow my dear one to be present in the process of the appearance of our crumbs.

12. Lena

    The first time I gave birth alone without a husband. And now I really want to try with my husband and he wants it!))))

13. natasha

    we gave birth 2 times with my husband. the first time there was a paid birth and there were no problems. the second birth was free, they just arrived at 36 weeks at the maternity hospital to the manager, she checked her husband’s flash card in the exchange card and my tests were all right and signed the birth with husband. and so we only paid for it and everything else was free.

14. Tatiana

    Probably a very old article! She gave birth in 2011 and just the other day on New Year's Eve 2014, both times with her husband, they only asked for his stick! no statements, tests, etc. Both times are free!

15. Lily

    In Article 51 323FZ of November 21, 2011, there is not a word about the permission of the doctor on duty. article 51.2. The father of the child or another family member is granted the right, with the consent of the woman, taking into account the state of her health, to be present at the birth of the child, with the exception of cases of operative delivery, if there are appropriate conditions in the obstetric facility (individual delivery rooms) and the father or other family member does not have infectious diseases . The exercise of this right is carried out without charging a fee from the child's father or other family member.
    No need to mislead people.

The Ministry of Health is asked to expand the list of those who can be present at childbirth. Now, as the law "On the Basics of Protecting the Health of Citizens" says, this can be the father of the child or "another family member" (for example, the mother or sister of the woman in labor). They are allowed to be in a maternity hospital (including state, municipal) next to a woman giving birth. At the same time, the conditions must be met: the woman in labor has given her consent, her state of health is normal and the guests do not have infectious diseases. The maternity hospital should not charge for the presence of someone from the "support group".

But it happens that women want to have a friend or a professional doula with them during childbirth ( assistant providing practical, informational and psychological support during childbirth). It appears that it is prohibited by law.

The initiator of the appeal to expand the "support group" is Ruslan Trofimov; as he explained to Life, he provides legal advice to women in labor and their families. He sent a letter to the State Duma (copy is from Life). Chairman of the State Duma Committee on Health Protection Dmitry Morozov forwarded this letter to the head of the Ministry of Health Veronika Skvortsova, asking "to indicate the position of the ministry" (Life also has a copy of Morozov's appeal).

"Over the course of seven years of my public activity in the field of protecting the rights of pregnant women, women in childbirth and parents, questions have repeatedly arisen that if a woman does not want the father of the child or another family member to be present at the birth, but would like another to be present at the birth man, the law does not allow her to do this," the appeal says.

According to Ruslan Trofimov, "the principle of justice is not observed": perhaps the expectant mother is an orphan, she has no relatives, and the child's father abandoned her. It turns out that she does not have the right to have someone in the hospital with her who can support her (a friend, for example).

Ruslan Trofimov attached to his letter a draft amendment to the law "On the Fundamentals of Protecting the Health of Citizens". To resolve the issue, you need to add only three words to it - "or to another person" (it is allowed to be present at the birth).

According to him, now maternity hospitals often forbid even future dads to attend childbirth - although they should be allowed by law.

In most cases, fathers are forbidden to attend, he told Life. - Employees of maternity hospitals say that, they say, you do not have certificates of the absence of infections. At the same time, the law does not say what kind of certificates you need to bring. I advise those fathers who want to be present at the birth to ask their maternity hospital for a list (in writing) of all the certificates they need in advance.

The second excuse of maternity hospitals is quarantine (for example, because of the flu).

But how is it so: a woman giving birth and an unborn child can be in this quarantine, but a man cannot? - says Ruslan Trofimov.

The third argument is a small maternity box, where several women give birth at the same time. In this case, the man will see not only his wife, but also completely foreign naked screaming women - and most likely, they will be against it.

But even this argument is essentially an excuse, - says Ruslan Trofimov. - You can put screens, and outsiders will not be seen. Well, the fact that they are screaming - so what, this is childbirth, everyone is screaming there.

The fourth excuse is: "How do you prove that you are the father?"

At the same time, the law does not say that the father needs to somehow prove his paternity, - says Ruslan Trofimov. - It is not within the competence of employees of maternity hospitals to check this.

According to him, employees of maternity hospitals are against fathers being present at childbirth, because they are unnecessary witnesses.

Often, doctors open the fetal bladder without even saying anything to the woman in labor, - said Ruslan Trofimov. - And she may be against it, she most likely wants the birth to go as naturally as possible, and not so that it would be easier for doctors. This procedure is often not fixed anywhere. But if her close person is next to the woman in labor, he will not allow this to be done without consent.

Indeed, on the Web you can find many comments of this kind: " I was ordered to climb on the table “for examination”, and I felt a warm liquid flow out of me, at first I did not understand, then, again “walking” around the delivery room, I saw that “pin” in the sink, which was used for piercing.

As for private centers, everything is much simpler there. You can find a clinic that will allow you to hold a meeting of graduates in the ward. But there are still some restrictions: it is in the delivery room itself that only one guest can be present, and only when he leaves can the next one enter. For example, first the husband is present, then the sister, then the girlfriend, then the other girlfriend, and so on. Such rules apply in private clinics.

Although the presence of girlfriends at childbirth, as they said, is prohibited by law - but who will check the observance of this strange rule in private clinics? At the same time, some private clinics have stricter procedures. In the Euromed network, Life was told that only the father of the unborn child can be present at the birth.

According to p perinatal psychologist Anna Severin, "there are moments in childbirth when someone's support is very necessary."

Often, couples prepare for partner childbirth, attend special lectures together, says the psychologist. - And then the husbands are present at the birth, already knowing exactly how to help. It happens that women in labor also bring their mothers, but we do not recommend doing this. Mothers begin to remember their childbirth, to worry, and the nervous atmosphere is transmitted to the woman in labor.

At the same time, according to her, women rarely want their girlfriends to be present at the birth.

But interest in doulas is growing. This is shown, among other things, by the statistics of the Yandex Wordstat tool. In two years, the number of doula requests has doubled - from 2,500 per month to 5,000 per month.

Joint births have become commonplace these days. But they are not suitable for all families. Let's try to figure out the advantages and disadvantages of the presence of a husband at childbirth.

Advantages of the presence of a husband at childbirth

This is huge for a mom-to-be. Such a “rear” helps her cope with fears and unbearable pain. The girl has the right attitude during childbirth: she believes that everything will go smoothly and painlessly, she is waiting for THEIR baby to appear with joy, and not with horror.

Being present at childbirth, the husband can not only provide moral support, but also provide real help: monitor the breathing of the expectant mother, contractions, call the medical staff if necessary, control the manipulations performed by specialists with his wife.

Expert opinion

Elena Pakhar, chief physician of the women's health clinic in Domodedovo, obstetrician-gynecologist-endocrinologist, reproductologist: In our maternity hospitals, any person with whom the patient wants to give birth can be present at childbirth. Most often this is a husband, mother of a pregnant woman, less often - a psychologist, a friend. The so-called partner childbirth is powerful, it is more concentrated on childbirth, calm. The period of labor together is easier to bear, especially if the husband is prepared and provides real pain relief. the husband may be present at the birth if the family wishes. The opportunity to take a child in his arms immediately after birth awakens strong and reverent feelings in fathers. If the future dad is not in the mood to attend the birth, there is nothing terrible about it. In any case, the decision on joint childbirth should be taken carefully and calmly.

Parents' opinion: Maria and Konstanty Trofimov, parents of two children

Wife's opinion: I believe that the presence of a husband at childbirth is a huge moral support for a future mother, because the husband is a very close person, and in difficult moments of life, we, fragile and tender, really need attention and love! The presence of my husband during childbirth helped me a lot not to be afraid of anything, I felt his strength, held his hand, and the pain went away from this, and strength arrived. In addition, even just being a husband in the delivery room subconsciously somehow “disciplines” the doctor and the rest of the staff. In general, if anyone is going to give birth, go to this important event hand in hand from the beginning to the very end!

Husband's opinion: I consider my presence at the birth the right decision in our family life, because the birth of a child is our common cause. I immediately agreed to my wife's offer to attend the birth and did not regret it at all! What could be more touching than seeing the grateful eyes of my wife holding my hand during the most difficult moments of childbirth. But I have not yet said about the most pleasant moment: I was lucky to see our daughter first, immediately hold her in my arms, take a picture. These moments will forever remain in my memory! In conclusion, I want to give advice to future dads: do not be afraid of anything and be sure to support your soulmate during childbirth!

Being present at the birth, the future dad does not just observe, but takes part in this process. Having experienced this, a man experiences a feeling of deep gratitude and respect for his beloved. Relationships between spouses reach a new level of intimacy and trust.

For many men, the presence of childbirth awakens the paternal instinct. The baby is born in front of his father, he hears his first cry, sees how he is examined, bathed, swaddled ... The ability to cut the umbilical cord himself is of great importance for a man. A strong spiritual bond is established between the newborn and his dad.

Parents' opinion: Dmitry Bogodyazh, dad, who was present at the birth

Husband's opinion: after being present at the birth, I realized that men do not know anything about pain! I decided to go because this happens once in a lifetime. I wanted to see the miracle of birth myself. Who, if not a husband, should help his wife during childbirth, support? In the end, when terrible contractions began, I was asked to leave, because my presence weakened my wife.

Disadvantages of the presence of a husband at childbirth

Before making a decision on joint childbirth, their disadvantages should be assessed.

Despite the fact that the birth of a child is always a miracle, this process is by no means aesthetic. Imagination paints a beautiful picture for future parents with a rosy-cheeked baby and a smiling mother. In reality, the process of childbirth is accompanied by many not very pleasant moments (and a large amount of blood is not the most unpleasant of them).

The expectant mother may begin to be embarrassed by her appearance, the process of childbirth, thereby delaying them. There may be anger at the husband, rejection of his presence at the birth.

Not every man is ready to endure such a test. Blood, the torment of his beloved wife, his own excitement and fuss - all this can ruin the relationship between partners. Often, husbands, being present at childbirth, faint and themselves need medical attention. After a joint birth, partners sometimes cannot for a long time, and sometimes they simply end their family life with a divorce.

Many girls forget about their torment, already when they put the baby on their chest. And for a man who was present at the birth, this can be a trauma for life.

Parents' opinion: Valentina Kiryanova, mother, opponent of joint childbirth

Wife's opinion: My pregnancy was not going very well, and when it came time to give birth, my husband was very worried and wanted to be present at the birth to support me. But I was against it and dissuaded him in every possible way. And thank God!!! The birth was not difficult, but I'm afraid if a loving husband saw what was happening to me, he would not have survived. Our men must be protected! Let him take the finished “product” from the hospital, rejoice and help me already at home - this is much more important.

Is it worth having a baby together?

Before resolving the issue of joint childbirth, we must make sure that the desire to be together at this hour is voluntary. Many girls want their husband to be present during childbirth. Often they succumb to fashion trends or stories of girlfriends. It seems to them that after this, dad will love his baby more strongly. Many husbands, having seen beautiful scenes in the cinema, agree with their wives and experience a real shock, being present at a joint birth.

The world around us is changing very quickly. What used to be familiar is becoming a thing of the past, new traditions are emerging.
Even 80-90 years ago, before the development of allopathic medicine and the emergence of a network of hospitals and clinics, in fact, throughout the world, most births took place at home, of course, in the presence of doctors.

The father was somewhere nearby, but not directly next to the woman in labor. He could hear the sounds from the room where the birth takes place, but he was allowed into the "holy of holies" only in extreme cases.

With the advent of traditional Soviet-style maternity hospitals, future fathers found themselves separated from the miracle of birth and wives giving birth by reliable walls of maternity wards. There was a custom to give the newly-born dad an elegant bundle on the steps of the maternity hospital. How the baby was born, and what his wife experienced during these few days - the man could only guess.

In recent years, the presence of the father at the birth of a child has become increasingly popular. The future dad in the delivery room is no longer exotic, but almost a common occurrence. Recall that in Europe and America this tradition began to take shape 20 years earlier than in our country. Now, the second generation of fathers is holding their newborn children, and psychologists are studying the long-term positive effects of early contact of fathers with their newborn children. Will this tradition take root in Russia?

There is a wealth of work and research on how attendance at birth and early contact with the baby enhances paternal feelings. It will be about the presence of the father at childbirth and preparation for this.

We make a decision on joint childbirth:

When thinking about joint childbirth, it is worth considering that serious events in the life of a family are better for spouses to live together:
And childbirth is a very serious event, which is called a first-order phenomenon. And this is a strong argument in favor of the presence of the future father at birth.

Fashion for the presence at childbirth:

If the decision to be with his wife is made at this moment because his best friend or boss did it, or because now all real men do it, then this is an unreliable basis.
Fashion for the presence in the delivery room for your couple can be a trap.
All people and all families are unique, and it is important to make the right choice.

Your individual choice:

Like many things in family life, the choice of the place and style of childbirth is a matter of mutual consent. The violence or psychological manipulation of one of the parties manifested in such a subtle issue will definitely come out sideways after the birth of the baby. There is such a saying “As we live, so we give birth” - it contains the idea that if the relationship in a couple is close and trusting, most likely they will be comfortable giving birth together.

But if the psychological distance between the spouses is large, if there is tension in the relationship, or a solid “conflict pillow” has been developed, if you were unable to unravel the knots in your relationship during pregnancy, if there is no agreement, but there is tension, it’s better not to experiment and give birth traditionally way.

Father's ardent desire to be present at birth is a necessary thing, but not enough.

A woman may have absolutely irrational reasons for not wanting her husband to be present at the birth. And all of them must be taken into account. As in everything that concerns the relationship between a man and a woman, reciprocity and reciprocity are important in childbirth - you should not show violence against anyone in anything. Any violence and unnaturalness will come to you sideways.
After all, childbirth is the moment of truth, revealing the true nature of the relationship. This is a kind of test for the depth and quality of relationships.
If there is a note of “comradeship and brotherhood” in your relationship with your husband, if you are ready to “go on reconnaissance” together, then you can give birth together.
But if you want him to be with you for educational purposes, so that he understands where children come from, and at what cost all this is given to a woman, then this is a wrong argument.

What a man's eyes see during childbirth:

A man can see the fear and pain of a woman. But natural or artificial anesthesia, under the influence of which a woman is during childbirth, does not affect him. He becomes a participant in labor pain without any anesthesia. And not every man is ready for this. What can help a couple prepare for an effective joint birth?

Is it a man's or not a man's business:

The birth chamber is not a theatrical stage, there is no place to play.
The truth about your relationship, your fears and reluctances should not come out at the time of childbirth.
To admit that you are not ready to give birth together is not a defeat at all, and not a diagnosis for the family.
Men who, for a number of reasons, do not want to be present at childbirth, considering this a purely feminine matter, can be wonderful gentle, loving fathers included in the upbringing and very reliable husbands.
When making your choice, you must be clear about all the risk factors that are relevant to your couple.

Families who are better off refraining from joint birth: Risk group

Let's talk, first of all, about those fathers whose presence at the birth is unambiguously undesirable.
I will make a reservation that the matter of the final choice, first of all, is up to you and your husband, and no one should impose their will on a married couple. But it is simply unreasonable not to take into account the considerations and observations of specialists and just parents who have been accumulating for years.

Families with insecure relationships:

If relations in the family are problematic and during pregnancy these problems were not resolved, but worsened, this is a reason to doubt the correctness of the decision on the presence of the father at the birth.
If there is a lack of trust and simplicity in the relationship between husband and wife, it will be difficult for a woman to relax. Resentment will prevent contractions from flowing naturally.
Giving a man the opportunity to be present during childbirth for a woman is like dogs showing their soft pink belly - the highest act of trust.
In addition, the grievances and unresolved contradictions that have accumulated in a problem married couple will definitely make themselves felt during childbirth. After all, childbirth is a stressful situation, and during any stressful situation, the wrong side of the relationship shows itself. There is no need to pin hope on childbirth to resolve those difficulties between future parents that have been accumulating for months, or even years. The birth of a child is an event of tremendous significance in itself, and it is unreasonable to overload it with something else.
Try to deal with most of your problems before the baby is born, so as not to hang them on the newborn.

Civil marriages and unformed unions:

Now often people live together for years, but they are not going to put a stamp in their passport. Now you will not surprise anyone with a civil marriage.
Nevertheless, most psychologists believe that unformed relationships are a risk factor for the successful development of relationships in the family.
In such unions, women rarely talk about their desire to marry the actual husband. BUT after all, every girl - big or small - from the age of 4-5 dreams of a veil and a white dress.
So, by the time the child is born, the unfulfillment of this normal female desire to have a ring on her finger and not have difficulties with issuing a birth certificate can lead to the accumulation of serious unspoken resentment. Which, of course, will interfere with the harmonious presence of the father during childbirth.

People in too masculine professions

Men often choose for themselves professions associated with risk, tough relationships, and danger. And if a person is a professional in his field, this cannot but leave an imprint on his external and internal appearance.
If your husband is a military man, an athlete, a rescuer or a big boss, or if there were extreme and difficult situations in his life, this will definitely manifest itself in childbirth.
Such people, accustomed to being harsh and strict with themselves and their loved ones, may behave too harshly during childbirth. Such men may begin to demand "combat behavior" from their wife instead of providing support and sympathy.
Consider the character traits and personality traits of your husband when deciding whether to give birth together.

How to prepare your husband for the birth:

Shared pregnancy. "Pregnant couple"

If this pregnancy was desirable for you and your husband, or at least you were able to accept this news with joy until the middle of pregnancy, this is a positive factor.
If you have formed a “pregnant couple” from a married couple, in which the interests of the woman and the unborn child are taken into account, then this is a soft and smooth preparation of the husband for childbirth.
After all, thoughts about the child and his upcoming birth prepare for this event.
But if you are thinking about the fact that you will soon give birth a couple of weeks before the birth, then it is unlikely that you will be able to prepare well for a joint birth. Too many questions may remain unresolved.
The presence of a husband at childbirth should not be something completely divorced from the style of life of the family, little consistent with him. If the husband does not participate in the pregnancy in any way, then his presence at the birth will look at least strange and is unlikely to help his wife.

Arrange everything in advance:

The decision on joint childbirth should not be made at the last moment and in a hurry. The place where you are going to give birth and the specialist you trust to conduct childbirth should be chosen carefully. And the decision on joint childbirth must mature, this requires time, not less than 2-3 months.
Residuals relating to childbirth must be spoken out and removed. What a wife expects from her husband, how a man imagines all this - this requires a detailed discussion.
Talk to people you know who have similar experiences to get a better idea of ​​the situation.
Pick up together music that calms you, discuss smells that you enjoy. Slowly, think about how to make the birthing environment more comfortable, and the first days with the baby cozier. All this is quite possible in the conditions of Russian maternity hospitals, if you give birth under a contract.

An adequate attitude to pain is a necessary condition:

If a man has a fear of pain or blood, if he can hardly bear the sight of the suffering of others, this can become an obstacle to attending childbirth.
Accepting birth pain, a woman becomes a mother - there is a commandment "in pain you will give birth to your children." No one commanded a man to see labor pain. This is a matter of free choice. And in order for this choice to be made correctly, you need to know your reaction to pain and not hide your fears.
There are legends that women are more comfortable with long-term pain than men. In relation to labor pain, this is true.

We get rid of the fears associated with childbirth:

For many people, both men and women, the process of having a baby seems to be something catastrophic, purely medical - a kind of mysterious, high-risk operation.
Simple and accessible information about how childbirth occurs, about the different stages of this process, about the physiology of childbirth and the psychology of the woman in labor, can dispel most of these fears.
It is much easier for men to participate in childbirth if he has a certain "mental picture", a scheme of how this happens.

"Plan" childbirth:

It is easier for many men to imagine their participation in childbirth if they have a rough plan for the management of childbirth drawn up in advance with their wife and specialists. On the one hand, this helps the future father to more clearly imagine the process, and on the other hand, when discussing the birth plan, you can discuss topics that concern you. For example, what to do if labor is delayed, what degree of medical attention and induction of labor do you consider acceptable.

Before giving birth, a man should have a clear visual representation of how it all happens:

Now it will not be difficult to buy and watch educational films about childbirth together. They are usually foreign made. But modern paid wards in many maternity hospitals are quite similar to Western ones.
The most important thing is not the interiors, but a pre-obtained visual representation of what the birth of a child looks like.
It is better for a man who is going to attend childbirth to first see all this from the side, what is happening on the screen and with someone else's wife. This will be a kind of preparation and test for readiness to transfer the birth "live".
Doctors and obstetricians tell many stories when in the delivery room it was necessary to pump out not the wife, but the husband.
And this is not funny, because during childbirth a woman wants to see hope and support in her husband, and not an object that requires care.

Caring Habit:

Pregnancy is a great time to learn how to help and support your wife and be attentive to her whims. All this is very useful during childbirth and in the postpartum period.
But if the husband himself is used to being the object of care, then he may begin to demand attention in childbirth.
Therefore, use the last months of pregnancy as a “care training” for your wife.
It is useful for a woman not to be shy to show weakness and ask for help and support. In my opinion, pregnancy is a great time for this.
The ability to accept care is useful in childbirth, and later life.
If you are used to seeing yourself as strong, in control and responsible for everything, it will be difficult for you to let go of the reins and surrender to the process of childbirth, which cannot be controlled.
Remember, managing childbirth is a matter of nature and an obstetrician.

Well, if dad imagines what newborns look like:

Newly born babies are quite different from the image of the “perfect baby” that is present in the minds of most adults.
The future dad should be prepared for the fact that his newborn child is tiny, red, not yet able to smile and focus his eyes.
In addition, newborns are covered with primordial lubrication - a cheesy white matter, and their eyes may be swollen after passing through the birth canal. All these features will disappear after a few hours or days. But, nevertheless, the instinctive reaction of many men who have not seen newborns before is: "Is everything all right with him." Therefore, it is worth watching films or photographs with newborn children in advance.

Being at the hospital or having a drink with friends. How "unincluded" fathers celebrate the birth of a child.

Most women are very offended by the complete non-participation and detachment of the husband during childbirth. And, which has become almost traditional for men, replacing the presence next to the wife with a strong drink with friends can cool the relationship between spouses for a long time. For fathers who don't know that it's possible to be there for their wife and even help her in some way when a new man is born, drinking with friends is an opportunity to do at least something on such an important day.
But this is a "fake" action. Serious male experiences and fears are hidden behind it, but it is difficult for a woman to understand this.
Drinking yourself unconscious is a bad way to help your wife. If you don’t want or can’t be around, it’s better to finish the renovation or do something creative for the family.
It will be appreciated and your energy will not be wasted.

"The Gift of Fatherhood":

Pasternak in the novel Doctor Zhivago has a scene in which the main character stands in the corridor of the hospital and hears the cries and groans of his wife. She has a difficult, protracted birth, and she has been suffering for many hours, there is even a risk. And finally, the cry of the baby is heard. And Yuri feels that a miracle happened, but he actually got all this for nothing. This feeling often occurs in fathers who are cut off from childbirth, but want to share the work and pain of their wife.
Presence at childbirth can be treated as support during difficult times. When one of our loved ones passes a decisive exam, or passes a serious test, the normal desire of relatives is to be somewhere nearby and, if possible, support in any way.
So, in the absence of significant contraindications and with the steady desire of the father, joint childbirth is quite possible.

What can a man do for his wife during childbirth:

Just to be around

In many cases, this is already a lot. Most women are calm when they know that there is a close person nearby who is most directly related to the new little man.

Pain and how to deal with it.

First of all, understanding that pain is not an annoying hindrance in childbirth, but a necessary condition for the birth of a new person, can help here.
If a man has a clear idea of ​​what exactly he can help and ease the labor pains a little, it will be much easier for him.

Pain Relief Massage:

During pregnancy, it is worth learning simple tricks to ease the pain of a woman in labor. The instructors of the courses for pregnant women will provide you with all the information you need - they will name the necessary books (for example, Dick Reed "Childbirth without fear"). Special movements of a massage that relieves pain, special positions in which it is easier for a woman to experience contractions, the ability to prepare a drink that a wife loves - all this must be known in advance to a husband who is about to participate in the birth of his wife. After all, most men are people of action. For them, presence means participation. And inaction and ignorance of ways to help is a sharp knife.
Therefore, agree in advance on what you expect from your husband. If necessary, consult with a specialist. Doctors and psychologists will be able to teach the husband simple methods of massage and tactics of behavior in childbirth.

Attempts and contractions - different stages of childbirth:

All of the above actions are appropriate at the stage of contractions. When childbirth enters the final stage and attempts begin, the situation and the condition of the woman change radically. It's like she's not quite there. Feelings of attempts can be prohibitive, and natural anesthesia changes the state of consciousness.
A professional obstetrician can do a lot for a woman in attempts, but in fact, a husband can do nothing. And the big question is whether he should be present at this moment in close proximity.
The initial stages of childbirth and the postpartum period do not raise such questions - there the presence of a husband nearby can give a lot to a married couple.
So maybe not be together, but somewhere very close. This may become the motto of joint childbirth.

If you feel that in these moments the presence of your husband is a burden to you:

Do not be shy and do not overpower yourself if you realize that the presence of your husband next to you is fettering, making you hold back too much.
For many women in the final stages of childbirth, the phase of "persecution of dads" begins. Agree in advance on conventional signs - gestures or words. It should be such a “stop signal” - if a woman gives it, the husband unconditionally and quickly leaves the “scene”. The main thing is that at this moment there should be no disputes and insults. Discuss in advance the possibility that you will change your mind at the last moment. A pregnant woman gets away with inconsistency easily.
Childbirth - especially the first one - is a completely new experience for a woman, and she cannot know what to expect from herself. It is extremely important for a woman to feel free during childbirth. If for some reason the presence of a husband prevents you from relaxing, you don’t have to overpower yourself.
This moment of unpredictability of desires and moods of the woman in labor.

The presence of the father in the postpartum period is an undeniable thing:

So, the presence at childbirth for a man is a very serious event and an experience of great power.
It is believed that the earliest possible tactile contact of the father with the baby contributes to the formation of a secure attachment. Fathers who held their newborn children in their arms are more closely involved in raising and caring for them. They are not afraid of the child and feel competent.
A man can do a lot for a wife who has just given birth. The presence of the pope in the postpartum ward makes the first days of the extended family from the hospital and medical period a joyful family event. A detailed conversation about the postpartum period in the life of the family is yet to come.

Printed in Lisa "My Baby" December 2008

Previously, husbands were not allowed to come close to the hospital when the wife went to give birth to a long-awaited son or daughter. Today, everything is not so strict, and the spouse can freely attend the birth and help his soul mate in such a difficult test for her. Partner births are gaining more and more popularity among modern couples every year. This is due to the fact that the husband is a close person and can support when it is very difficult, hold the hand, call a doctor or midwife. But not all men are eager to witness the birth of their child. And not every doctor will allow you to take part in such a complex matter.

What can be the presence of a husband?

Both a man and a woman should be aware that partner childbirth is not just the presence of a husband nearby, but a responsible process where both should help each other. Therefore, before deciding to take such a step, weigh the pros and cons and decide for sure whether you are ready for this.

There are dads who stay with their wife from beginning to end, are present during childbirth and actively help both the wife and the doctors. Some are just there during the contractions, and when it comes to the birth itself, they go out into the corridor and there they wait for the end of the whole process. Some want to take part in cutting the umbilical cord, and then hold the baby in their arms. Most dads don't take part in anything at all and walk into the room when it's over.

Even at the stage of pregnancy, both must definitely decide what part the man will take. He must understand the gravity of the matter.

The presence of the future father is also welcome during a caesarean section. A man can participate in the operation and later help his wife with the child until she recovers from anesthesia and gains strength.

How can dad help? (Video)

A husband in childbirth can be of great benefit, supporting his wife when she is so hard and hurt. He can distract her with something during the fights, support her psychologically. After the husband sees what trials his wife has to endure, he often becomes an even more serious and responsible family man and a good father.

Usually, the active participation of the father in the process of childbirth and his help to the mother in caring for the child brings them even closer, and the family becomes stronger.

If there is not a single doctor nearby, everyone is busy, and the wife feels bad or she is about to give birth, no matter how her husband will take care of her, find and call the right specialist, help her get to the delivery room, lie down on the table, deliver the necessary things.

Are there any downsides?

Many women believe that if a husband helps her during pregnancy, then he is ready to go with her to the end. But this is far from true. Not everyone is able to see the entire process of childbirth. Let a loved one be around, but he understands that he cannot really help in any way, and believes that it is not easier for you to be with him. And not every woman wants to see her husband when she feels bad. Sometimes it is better to experience and endure all the torment without his presence.

Very often there were cases when, from the sight of a large amount of blood during childbirth, men lost consciousness. Then the medical staff gets more work, because you also need to save your husband.

Sometimes, during contractions and childbirth, a woman thinks about how ugly she is now, with disheveled hair, and in this form her husband sees her. From worries about the appearance of the expectant mother, childbirth may be delayed, and then you have to put the missus out the door.

Unfortunately, there are many cases when, after partner childbirth, the family collapses.. A man is very impressed by everything he sees and can for a long time restore in his memory the events that he experienced. Women endure everything more easily and forget, they simply have no time to sit and remember, because more important things have appeared -

But not everyone is that impressive. There are daddies who take a video camera with them to childbirth and shoot all the time. This is very annoying not only for doctors, but also for a woman in labor, who at these moments is not at all up to fun, she needs help and support, and not constant irritation due to the fact that her husband runs around with a camera and still asks to pose.

When it is possible and impossible to decide on partner childbirth

Various factors affect a man and push him to be present during childbirth. Someone watched the video of the baby being born and wanted to be present, realizing that he could withstand all this, someone loves his wife so much that she simply cannot imagine how she will suffer alone without him. Other dads have already boasted to someone how great and interesting it is to take part in the birth of their own baby.

Women who want their husband to be present at childbirth think that it will be easier for them to endure pain and suffering. But, if, while still pregnant, you experience fear of childbirth, this will certainly be passed on to your spouse, and he will not only be present, but will not even want to be close. Therefore, before talking about partner childbirth, you first need to set yourself up for positive and be sure that everything will go well.

You should not think that after a joint birth, your relationship will definitely become better and stronger, your husband will see your torment and will love and appreciate you more. Often the exact opposite happens.

But even if you firmly decided to go to childbirth together, subconsciously not everyone is ready for this and there are several reasons why you need to abandon this idea:

• If a man is too impressionable nature. Don't force him to come with you, as you may regret this decision later.
• If a woman, even during contractions, is constantly worried about her appearance, she is afraid that her husband will see her unmarked and fall out of love. If you think that a husband should watch you only during the parade, why take him to give birth? In the maternity hospital, you certainly will not have time to put yourself in order, dress up and make up.
• A woman wants her husband to see how she suffers. This is wrong and cruel to the spouse.

You can go to the birth together if:

• The man himself offered it to you, he is sure that he will stand it. Well, of course, if you don't mind.
• If your husband was very supportive of you during pregnancy, he went with you for examinations, ultrasounds.
• The husband is ready for all the difficulties of joint childbirth, he took special courses and knows what to do in a difficult situation.

You can safely go for this if you are just an ideal family. Everything is always good with you on a personal level, you do not have a soul in each other, and such a thing as childbirth simply cannot take place without the participation of your husband.

Necessary conditions for joint birth

By law, the husband or any other relative has every right to be present at the birth and take part in the process itself. The attendee is issued a permit stating that:

• The wife gave her consent;
• The medical staff also agree;
• All required documents and certificates are available;
• The person present does not suffer from any infectious diseases;
• The delivery room has all the necessary conditions for partner childbirth;
• There are no contraindications that prevent joint childbirth.

It must be remembered that doctors have every right to prevent the presence of a husband, as this can interfere with the normal course of the birth process and the work of medical staff. Childbirth is a very responsible matter and not every doctor wants someone to stand next to him and breathe down his neck or run around the ward.

You can draw up a power of attorney, which confirms that the husband is allowed by law to accompany his wife from the beginning to the end of the birth process - then no one can refuse you. Such paper can be issued to any relative or girlfriend who has reached the age of majority. But remember that by proxy, this person has every right to make medical decisions for you in case you are unable to. Therefore, discuss all the nuances with someone you trust.

The child's father should not be allowed into the delivery room if he is just interested in seeing, but at the same time he does not even know what his reaction to what he sees will be. This will only add to the hassle for you and the doctors. Do not drag your husband by force to the hospital if you see that he really does not just not want to, but is even scared.

If the husband firmly stands on his participation, but this only makes it worse for you, convince him and in no case allow him to be around, he will only make you nervous with his presence, and this can negatively affect childbirth and the child.

If your family is on the verge of a divorce, you should not assume that childbirth will bring you closer. You are very much mistaken.

The husband must pass everything necessary: ​​for HIV, hepatitis and syphilis, undergo a fluorography and visit a therapist. All certificates have an expiration date of no more than three months.