Hello dear readers! Transitional age is a big test. Parents lose control over the child and are trying in every possible way to restore the boundaries of their power, but the girl resists with a force directly proportional to this.

The most important thing now is not to think first of all about yourself and your needs, but to try to find mutual language. This is the only positive way out of the situation that will help your daughter become a strong and complete person.

Today we will talk about teenage problems in girls: you will find out on which life stage is your daughter, what thoughts torment her, how to help cope and again, as well as some of the most common problems that moms and dads face.

What's happening to her

Girls, unlike boys, live a little easier. The body itself suggests that some changes have gone. They provoke a response of the psyche and push to new thoughts,.

If you believe psychological research Erik Erickson, then from the age of 12-18 (it can start at 14 or 16) a person enters the teenage stage of development. Focusing primarily on peers, he tries to find himself, to find answers to global questions: what do I want from life, who am I in this world, what attracts me. Lines up his own.

If nothing interferes with the development of a teenager, but on the contrary, his friends and parents contribute in every possible way, he becomes true to himself, to his own convictions.

When relations with parents leave much to be desired or other factors interfere with his development, he develops mental discord, attacks of aggression occur, he ceases to trust himself and others.

What should parents do

Many parents think of themselves first. They want to live in peace, to know where the child is, what he is doing now. His desires, in fact, are not so global - and harmony. However, all this is now fading into the background.

The main value for a teenager is freedom, and it is very difficult to give it, while remaining calm. However, the best thing you can do right now is to expand the scope a little. Only then will you be able to maintain at least some control over her life.

The girl becomes an adult and the creation trusting relationship- the main task. You are no longer able to keep track of everything, you can not control it as before, you can help solve problems more and more often only thanks to the advice that you have been asked for.

Prohibitions and punishments will exacerbate the situation. They will only teach the girl to hide and defend herself. At this age, teenagers become maximalists, often read about or watched movies. Not so long ago, they began to express their opinion, to feel some kind of power, impact on others and fate. They imagine themselves as revolutionaries, study and try different ways.

If now you exercise power, use forceful methods, then the girl will never learn to speak and use rational ones. She can withdraw and will hide even in adulthood own feelings and emotions, will completely suppress aggression and will not be able to resist injustice. The second option is that she will learn to use cardinal and unreasonable methods of pressure.

Right now, parents are facing important task, their main function as psychologists is to teach the girl correct reactions. Help her. You can learn more about this period and find the most effective ones in the book. Lawrence Steinberg's transitional age.

Common Problems

What are the most common problems parents of teenagers face? Let's look at some of them, as well as methods for correcting the situation and behavior.

Obsession with electronic devices

In some families, computers are placed in the hall to keep track of which sites the child spends time on. Someone uses programs to control time and even creates a database of inaccessible electronic resources.

In this case, the girl does not have any, and the parents show the maximum to the teenager. Of course, this is the most in a negative way affects the relationship with the daughter. How can she share her secrets if she is not trusted?

Think about what is really important and expand the boundaries a little. Perhaps if you limit your child's time at the laptop, you can allow her to use all the electronic resources. Remember, the forbidden fruit is sweet, and people learn to lie masterfully early enough.

If you want the girl to spend more time off the Internet, show her other hobbies. Offer to spend time together, a pottery set, or sewing machine. When choosing, be guided by own desires but her interests. What will not please you as a parent, but will really please her.

, lies, hostility to parents

Aggression and lies are just reactions to the situation. The child is still trying different ones: tears, tantrums, screams, strong arguments, deception, and so on. The one that led to the most beneficial result, in his opinion, will be considered acceptable, and therefore repeated. It is in your power to teach the girl alternative.

That's basically it. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter to learn a little more about children, their upbringing and yourself. See you again.

IN young age When girls are full of sensuality and romanticism, their outlook on life changes dramatically. It is at the age of 15 that they acquire an increasing need for the attention of the opposite sex. This is explained simply - at this age is formed reproductive system child, which is close to completion this stage. Parents start to face the problem permanent absence daughters at home. She spends more and more time on the street with her peers, there are fears with the onset adult life already a big child.

My daughter has a boyfriend, what should I do?

If your daughter has a boyfriend, then first of all, do not panic, as most parents do. Trust me, nothing bad has happened yet.

Invite your daughter's boyfriend to your house to understand how your daughter lives. Surely, you will be pre-configured categorically. After all, your fears paint the most terrible pictures, being afraid of the same thing, what if she makes mistakes. Try not to show your dissatisfaction in the presence of a new person.

You may want to immediately conclude that this is not the person your girl needs, but do not rush to conclusions. You need to understand and understand why she chose him, what attracts her in him. Perhaps she likes in him the qualities that she herself possesses !!!

To get to know her boyfriend better and make correct conclusions, invite him to an event, for example, for a birthday or other holiday, maybe your family has traditions to spend time in nature? Conclusions about a person can still be drawn from how he treats pets, if he loves cats and dogs and there are no traits of animal life, but on the contrary, he knows how to handle them, then this speaks of his good qualities.

Rules of conduct with a daughter's boyfriend

Even if you don’t like the guy a lot, still don’t interfere, because a negative attitude moves away from the goal. Yes, yes, the daughter will simply be angry with you that you do not take into account her opinion, and will stop sharing the most secret with you. If, when communicating with her gentleman, you behave with dignity, that is, do not show your displeasure, then perhaps your daughter herself will take an interest in your opinion. This is a great opportunity to talk. To begin, underline good qualities. There is such a rule that before scolding, you need to praise. Now hearing something good about your young man, daughter will listen to you carefully. You can talk about what made you nervous about it. For example, you know, it seemed to me that he was addicted to alcohol. Exactly in that kind. In order for your daughter to listen to you, an objective opinion must come from you. After this conversation, let her know that she is already an adult and should be able to solve such issues herself. Perhaps in your the situation will suit such a phrase: "Maybe he is not so bad, but you deserve better." This will make her think.

Mistake of many parents that they list the shortcomings of a person and put them on a pedestal. The daughter, having heard a continuous negative about the person she likes, stops hearing you and the conversation ends in a scandal. Be wise. First of all, you want your child good husband, so you don’t have to throw yourself at each of her guys as a potential husband.

My daughter has a lot of boyfriends, what should I do?

Many parents are very worried about the moment when their daughter changes boyfriends one after another, she just sorts them out, not the best thoughts come to your mind. Look at it more positively, perhaps she is not that ill-mannered, but simply has not yet been able to figure out what kind of relationship will bring her joy and affection in the future. Help her with advice, talk heart to heart, ask about these guys, what your daughter liked about them, what not. Tell us about how you imagine adolescent relationships, while being adequate in your ideas about young age and teenage love. Even the very fact of talking with your child will give you a lot, there will be more trust and less suspicion on your part. Just find the thread that will connect mother and daughter, or daughter and father and fear and unreasonable feelings will fade into the background

It seems that just yesterday you were braiding your little daughter, taking her to kindergarten, in first class, in music school, and today she diligently hides a piercing in her navel, tunnels in her ears or a tattoo on her back, and from school she is met by a young man, five or seven years older than her, and with him, of course, serious relationship and love for life. And you all understand very well: this is teenage self-affirmation, self-identification, transitional age and rebellion, but you still fall into hysterics and are ready to “kill” her on the spot ...

What to do?
The first and most important thing is to calm down. Deep inhale, slow exhale. And now let's figure out what and where went wrong and what to do about it. It must be understood that from childhood, a mother for her daughter is the only role model. But the stages of interaction change, the daughter has internal changes in the perception of self, different processes of identification. Different perceptions of a mother by a daughter at the age of 2, 5, 12, 17 and so on, of course, can leave their mark on these relationships. The attitude towards the mother can be contradictory - the daughter is proud of her mother, praises her and loves her. But at the same time, the mother in the eyes of her daughter can act as an offender, an encroachment on her internal boundaries. Rapprochement and distance, resentment and an inexhaustible feeling of love, guilt and apathy, fatigue and hopelessness - there is a wide range of feelings in the relationship between mother and daughter.
The desire to separate and at the same time feel the support of the mother - this is what the daughter tries to combine and keep. The position of the mother can be different: cold alienation, indifference, or strong control, an encroachment on the daughter's personal space. The process of bringing mother and daughter closer and further away might unfold like a dance, but more often there is a fierce struggle for similarity and dissimilarity, from which both sides suffer. And many conflicts between mother and daughter are passed down from generation to generation. In these relationships, there is no equality as such - neither the mother nor the daughter is aware of their unconscious hidden motives. They can only intuitively feel that something is not right.
We can only give a few tips that will help you build a line of behavior with your daughter. However, no one knows and cannot judge your relationship better than you, so the degree of mutual understanding and trust in your communication depends only on both of you.

1. Attention to appearance.
Doubt in their external attractiveness is a common problem for a teenage girl, the source of many complexes and failures in her personal life. No matter what external data nature has awarded your daughter, you must educate her from the most tender age in the belief that she is a beauty. Highlight your merits. Do not laugh at her shortcomings: fullness, freckles, snub nose - all these are unique features of her personal charm.
Of course, there is no need to overdo it in this matter either. You do not want your daughter to suffer from inflated conceit, which is rare, but it happens.
Do not stop your daughter in the first experiments with cosmetics, let her try lipstick, shadows, and mascara. Help her, teach her how to use cosmetics correctly. If possible, go to a professional makeup artist together.
If your daughter is suffering from excess weight, sign up together in the gym, aerobics, yoga. She is unlikely to walk alone, and a friend may not support in this matter.
In adolescence, it is better to try to become a friend and senior mentor to your daughter. Then she will get used to consulting with you in matters relating to appearance, and you will discuss and weigh all the pros and cons of this or that step without sharp denial.

2. Love in the family is the key to the daughter's personal happiness.
Rigorous upbringing has its costs. In particular, a generation of women raised by super-demanding parents cannot shake the notion that love must be earned. Hence the excessive diligence, the complex of the victim and the inability to simply realize oneself loved. Deprived in childhood obvious manifestations parental caress, the girl, like a butterfly, will fly to the first light of that world, which will seem to her love. Consequently, she can become the prey of any rogue who is not too lazy to stroke her head and say a couple of gentle words.
A girl needs to be pampered, but of course, set a certain limit. She must realize that she is loved. The one who is loved will learn to recognize dislike and will instinctively avoid the atmosphere of dislike. This is the key to her personal happiness.

3. Talk!
Every mother always has a lot to do and work. But, despite the busyness, we must not forget to communicate with your child. Create an atmosphere for communication. For example, in the evenings on a soft sofa, have a tea party and discuss how the day went. Don't forget to share some of your affairs and problems. Let your daughter feel like a full-fledged interlocutor, give you advice. Often, the advice of a child with a completely different outlook on life can help you in what seems to be the most intractable tasks.
Learn to listen to each other without criticism. Be interested in what your daughter is interested in. She should feel free to express her thoughts and feelings, even if they are different from yours. By respecting your daughter, you will help her learn to respect herself and you.
Communicate more: discuss the news of the day, interesting articles in magazines and other issues general development. Often parents complain about the poor horizons of the child, while doing absolutely nothing to help him expand this horizons.
Discuss safety rules. Teach your daughter to understand people and situations. Do not intimidate, but warn against being too gullible. The wise learn from the mistakes of others. Talk to your daughter about dangerous cases from the life of your acquaintances, about what you know from the press. Let her learn to avoid everything that threatens life, health, reputation.
And of course, don't be afraid to get personal. Gently ask if she has a boy friend, if she is in love, tell us about your experience of first falling in love.

4. Cultivate kindness and mercy.
Teach the girl to notice someone else's pain. Let her do her best to help the weak and the sick. Do not be afraid to pull back sharply if your daughter makes fun of someone's shortcomings. Children can be cruel without realizing it. Encourage the desire to help. Do not flatly refuse if a girl brings a homeless puppy, kitten or bird to the apartment. Caring for pets is a wonderful training in mercy. If leaving the animal in the house is not possible, try to find a home for him together.
And, of course, explain to the child that you need to take care of your loved ones. It is better to show this by example, taking care of elderly relatives, close people, friends. But do not forget about the balance of mercy and prudence. Not everyone who asks really needs the help he asks for.

5. Develop thriftiness and independence.
Someday your daughter will become a completely independent girl and, most likely, will live separately from you. Therefore, with adolescence, and preferably earlier, it is necessary to instill responsibility for maintaining household. It is not so difficult to instill in a girl the skills of washing and cleaning, cooking and sewing.
First, teach her how to clean her room. Explain to her that her room is her personal space, and she is responsible for this space, and its condition must comply with the rules of the whole house. If frequency and order are observed throughout the house, then her room should be cleaned as much as possible. The point is small: do not forget to keep order in the whole house yourself.
Cooking is one of the most exciting activities. Choose recipes together, ask your daughter what she likes, try something new. Of course, a teenager who is constantly trying to dodge household chores and runs to friends at every opportunity is difficult to attract to cooking. So improvise. If possible, invite your daughter's friends and arrange a cooking club. Or hold a competition in several stages (for example, every Sunday for a month), who will cook the tastiest, and let the other inhabitants of the house evaluate the dishes. Set a prize - something your daughter wants to have for a long time. Remember you are prime example for your daughter.

6. Your daughter is an individual.
To identify and develop individuality in a child is perhaps one of the most difficult activities. Contribute to the development of the daughter's personality, but do not try to break her personality. You have planned, by all means, to bring up a lawyer or a doctor in the family, and your daughter writes poetry and loves solitude. You dreamed of a musician and singer, but she loves horses and is preparing herself for a modest career as a rural veterinarian. Support the positive that is clearly and steadily manifesting in your child.
Do not prevent your daughter from going to the goal she has chosen. You can and should give your opinion if you don't like this goal or if you feel it's a mistake. But it will be her mistake, and she will have to go through it herself, experience this experience, so that later she can move on, more wise man. And how are you loving mother be there to support and help in any way you can.
Accept your daughter's independence. She is an independent person and you have to accept the fact that she can make her own decisions. Follow her activity. Be interested in her hobbies, help, but do not impose.

7. Don't push your daughter's friends away
Almost all mothers do not like their daughter's friends, and even more her young people. Don't forget that these negative emotions in most cases are more likely to be caused by jealousy or excessive anxiety than really real danger. We are afraid of what we do not know.
Meet your daughter's friends, invite them for tea, Sunday lunch, arrange a small party, arrange time limits with your daughter and ask permission to stay at home for the first time to greet guests. Set yourself up for positive attitude to friends, because you, as a mother, will be ready for the negative anyway.
Your daughter has a boyfriend. Not every daughter wants to introduce her friend to her mother. You need to assure her that you are interested in her choice, that you obviously treat him well, since her daughter chose him. Even if it is not, you will have to use all your acting skills to convince her of this. Because the main thing is to get to know a person well and only then draw conclusions!
Express your opinion, but do not drastically forbid this or that communication, unless, of course, your daughter is in danger. If you are still sure of this, contact the experts.

8. Create your shared traditions.
Nothing brings people together like traditions that have developed over the years. Create traditions that only you and your daughter will have. You can, for example, go skiing together every winter, go to the cinema together once a month, go to the pool together once a week, or spend a day for yourself every March 8, visiting a beauty salon, going to the park, to nature, to your grandmother’s house. dacha. Find something that will be of interest to both of you. It is even better to seal these traditions with shared little secrets.

Before blaming your daughter for something, criticizing her, try to look at yourself from the outside: perhaps you, with your behavior, attitude, inattention, instilled her in certain actions. IN difficult situations, of course, it is worth contacting a specialist psychologist. Everything can always be corrected if the situation is approached with a cold mind and a loving maternal heart.

Adolescence is the most difficult period for parents. They feel responsible for the creature that they have raised, while the creature is this cute little lump that was recently drinking breast milk, now claims to be independent person. He pretends aggressively, vehemently, possibly with scandals, because he still doesn’t know how otherwise.
Teenage rebellion is connected, first of all, with the search for oneself. And only then - with hormonal and physical changes.

The inflated "ego" of a teenager says, first of all, that he is looking for this very EGO - and so far he cannot find himself in this big and cold world.

Teen Daughter: Ways to Approach

So, you have a teenage daughter who has become completely unbearable. What to do?

Recently, I read my teenage diary and realized what I would like in a relationship with my mother. Maybe this will help someone (author's note)

1. Help her get external beauty and popularity
   100% your girl has a lot of complexes. Even if she keeps herself confident and behaves defiantly. Moreover, defiant behavior most often just speaks of complexes. She is uncomfortable in her body and in her vision of the world. turn on real woman and an older friend, and help her. Tell me how to stick proper nutrition, pick together sports section where she can direct her energy, invite her together to buy the clothes she wants and cosmetics. Want that creepy skull t-shirt? Okay, this is her style, her life, her image. If family budget"running out" - give her ideas where to earn extra money, or if it's really tight - show how to choose stylish things in second-hand. She will be grateful to you all her life. Can you give her some tips on how to charm boys. Do you think it's too early? And now is the time for her. Just to be sure.
2. Let her know that her feelings are important to you.
   A daughter - a teenager - is with a probability of 200% a lump of emotions, even if she behaves like a martinet in front of you. This is the period of her life when the punk cries into the pillow. Mom, do not belittle the significance of her experiences. You know, the most painful thing in this regard is when you have already experienced so much in your lifetime and laugh at her "childish" dramas. For her, during these dramas, perhaps the world is collapsing.
   
   

3. Travel with her
   

   Take it on trips out of town, to the sea, to the mountains. When she grows up, it's yours joint travel, impromptu barbecues, night swims, conversations on trains and road trips will be her warmest memories. Traveling brings people together and barriers disappear in their relationship. In addition, a teenage girl is drawn to everything new and interesting. Perhaps your trip to the forest with an overnight stay or a trip by "savages" to the sea will replace her bad company and bad habits.
   
   
   
   

4. Let her know that you value her freedom and opinion
   The most traumatic thing for a teenager is when he is still considered a child. Pushing a teenage girl away from you is like spitting if you shout from the balcony in front of her friends “Lena, are you wearing a hat ???” Or there - "Kira, and who will fold their socks ???". Believe me, these socks will troll her for a long time. To be branded as a mother's daughter in the company of authoritative friends for a teenager is a quiet horror. Therefore, it is important to turn off hyper-custody in time and move on to friendly partnerships. Your daughter will be pleased if you consult with her opinion in some moments for which you consider her still small. Rage together, pose for Instagram, create and dream. In short - become her older friend, this is exactly what she needs most of all.
   
   

5. Tell her that it's hard for you too
   

   You are not made of iron, and a teenage daughter needs to understand this. Share your feelings with her, focusing on emotional condition. Tell me (only without breaking into a cry) what you experience when she walks somewhere until late, or when she smokes. How hard it is for you to give money that she recklessly spends. But! Please, only without reproaches. Blaming, beating your chest, and talking about how bankrupt your daughter is and “who I even raised” will only exacerbate the problem. Teenagers tend to take parental dissatisfaction personally. Instead of "You're good, you just do the wrong thing" they hear "You are the mistake of my whole life, why did I give birth to you at all." Programmed in this way, the "error" begins to behave accordingly.
   
   
   But a friendly heart-to-heart conversation will make the child understand you better. Sometimes a teenage girl behaves intolerably just because she cannot understand what you want from her and why you need it. At this age, children are very sensitive, and despite the seeming isolation, empathy is not alien to them.

Prepared by Eva Kirts specifically for the site. By the way, you can smile and distract from pressing problems.

Hello! I didn’t want to write to you for a very long time, because I read somewhere that people turn to a psychologist, thinking that he will help solve their problems, but in fact they just talk to him, that’s all. Let me tell you about myself and my relationship with my daughter.
I got married at 30 and gave birth at 33. I was still pregnant when my husband left me. The child developed a continuous allergy to literally all foods, including breast milk and infant formula. In a word, nutrition became a little easier only when my daughter turned ten. They also could not boast of health from birth, three or four times a year they would definitely go to the hospital. How hard it was for me when my daughter was little! It seemed that he would grow up, begin to help, become my pride and support. But now she is in her seventeenth year, and it’s not just hard for me, it hurts a lot. From the age of 12, big troubles began, quarrels with classmates, with me, constant threats: I would cut myself, hang myself, throw myself off the ninth floor. Stealthily cut veins, however, not up to big blood. Several times I found razors and ropes with her, every day we have scandals and threats. They can swear at me, call me the dirtiest words. I went to school psychologist We talked a lot with her. She made it clear that I find fault with my daughter too much from loneliness.
At school, she is a good girl, teachers are jealous that I have a beautiful and smart daughter. She doesn't study very well, but she is an activist. He likes to dress beautifully and expensively, to change outfits endlessly. She doesn’t clean up after herself, it’s a rare case to clean up the house for her. I tried several times to talk to her, but no, there are truces only before the next new purchase- when she needs to buy something, she behaves like a good girl. I notice that I have more and more emptiness in my soul in relation to my daughter, I don’t even want to talk to her. And I can't force myself. She has so much contempt and hatred for me! When I was sick, she said: “And when will you just die?” I have higher education, I hold a managerial position, but I can’t understand anything here. Cats scratch at my heart, I try to communicate less with girlfriends and acquaintances, so that, God forbid, I don’t accidentally tell about myself. Even my daughter’s classmate told me last year: “How much you spoiled her!” And from birth I felt sorry for her very much - I was sick endlessly, I myself worked for wear and tear. My mother helped me, now she is over 80, my daughter also offends her very much. I used to cook with pleasure for my daughter, I was at home perfect order, succeeded. And now after work I force myself to go home, and nothing is a joy. I understand that everything depends on me. I need to talk to her, but I seem to be numb, my mouth won't open, I can't. Silently we pass by each other, often crying into the pillow, that's how we live. The closest people to me are my mother and daughter. I wonder why I live if only daughter can call me a pig and cattle. I used to try to talk to her and hit her when she was younger, but to no avail. I told her: “But my smart daughter says such words to her mother!” I don’t know if you will understand me. I even cry silently at work so that no one can see how I feel. I often read your newspaper, wives complain about their husbands, husbands about their wives, but I exist like this. Help me, please, we have our whole life ahead of us, and we live in such hatred!!! How did it all happen and why?

TheSolution psychologist's answer:

You did the right thing by seeking professional help. Acute emotional experience the situation does not contribute to its resolution. Such emotions often indicate that a person does not feel the strength to change anything (a state of frustration). Of course, a psychologist will not be able to solve problems for you, however, a specialist can give you the tools to resolve them, help you figure out what you can do differently in order to be more effective and feel good. The specialist can also give you emotional support which helps to get out of an emotional crisis. Absolutely every person sometimes needs support and help, and this should not be shy.

Your daughter is addicted

This means that your daughter has not gone through one of the critical stages of personality development. early childhood- stage of separation (separation). This is a very important stage. individual development Ra personality. Normally, a child goes through it at the age of three years. A child cannot pass it successfully if the parents do not create favorable circumstances for this. Due to the fact that your daughter was ill a lot, and you are very attached to her, you gave her overprotection, which did not allow the girl to complete the separation stage. Most likely, you yourself have not passed one of the stages. early development personality, the stage of symbiosis, which is why they are so emotionally attached to their daughter. Overprotectiveness often hides an unconscious hatred of own child. More about complex, unconscious, destructive relationships between daughter and mother, read in the book by Ekaterina Mikhailova "I am alone at home or Vasilisa's spindle."

Loving your daughter is normal, wanting to take care of her and want the best for her is also normal. But there is a difference between genuine love and hostility hidden under the guise of anxious overprotection. However, a child needs hyper-custody only in the first year of his life, when he himself cannot do anything for himself. Then it is important for him to master the skills of independence and independence. This allows him to become
People who have not completed the separation stage become antiaddictive. It is difficult for them to build trusting and emotionally close relationships, they become isolated, alienated, feel the need for solitude, avoid the manifestation of feelings and rapprochement with other people, often respond inadequately to the authority of other people, are afraid to dissolve in relationships, therefore they keep people at a distance, even close ones. and loved ones.

Your type of relationship with your daughter is called dual union

A situation where mother and daughter experience unconscious hatred and cruelty towards each other, a painful relationship based on suffering - this is dual union. Test your subconscious - there is a high probability that this word will be written in the test results.
The daughter did not go through the stage of separation in an evolutionary way (naturally), therefore, she seeks to do this now, demonstrating her protest. Since you are her parent and dominate her in connection with your parental authority, she, like a child, has two options for behavior: adapt, obey the rules that you offer her and become comfortable for you, or rebel, trying to get what she needs. And she needs autonomy. She is already quite an adult and by her behavior shows you that she wants to communicate on an equal footing, like an adult person with an adult, not how Small child with the controlling and custodial parent. She may well already take on some of the responsibility for her life, which she can do. And she already has a lot to offer.

Completion of the separation stage

Teach your daughter by example how to take responsibility for your life.

Plan your life and meet your personal needs. Plan your free time, engage in self-development, your favorite hobbies, devote time to your health and appearance. Your daughter will follow your example. Children are brought up not so much by words as by parental example.
Do not demand that your daughter justify your expectations all the time. She is a unique person with her own unique set personal qualities, dreams, desires, needs and worldview.
Complete your connection stage to separate from your daughter and build your happy life.
It is important to show your daughter your love and not equate her freedom of choice with punishment. That is, not saying, “Oh, you’re so grown up, do what you want and don’t come near me,” but instead say, “I love you and believe that you are old enough to take care of yourself in this matter. I trust you!”, “You can do it, I believe in you and support you.”

Don't make excuses when you make time for your needs and don't sacrifice yourself.

Talk to your daughter respectfully, ask her opinion, negotiate with your own and her personal needs in mind.
Do not do for your daughter what she can do for herself. The role of the “Victim” irritates the “Victim” itself. No one likes to feel helpless and unable to take care of themselves on their own.
Contact a qualified adolescent psychologist. A specialist will help you hear each other and understand each other better.

Take a consultation with a psychiatrist-suicidologist for your daughter

suicide attempts and aggressive behavior can be manipulative as a way to get what you want. Or be a sign of mental disorders, such as depression or subdepression. Depression is important to treat! This is a disease that requires drug treatment. You don't have to wait until things get better. The longer the disease is left untreated, the more severe consequences may be in the future. Therefore, it is important to exclude mental disorders by consulting a psychiatrist.
Please note that on our website you can go to determine the level of depression and to determine the level of anxiety, which are also shown to you.

Daughter has her own fate

You see the meaning of life only in your daughter. This is a sign of codependency. Your daughter has her own destiny, she needs to build her own successful and happy life. Your daughter will always be your daughter and love you like a mother, but children should not dedicate their lives to their parents.
You feel lonely, and for many years caring for your daughter has made you feel needed and loved. This is what you badly need. However, children's love will not replace parental, male or friendly love.
Start building your personal happy life, in which there will be communication with interesting people, vacation, travel, hobby, self-development, love and so on. Start thinking about what you want to achieve and what will bring you joy. Start doing this and you will feel much better!

Be in a difficult life situation? Get a free and anonymous consultation with a psychologist on our website or ask your question in the comments.