15:49

Should a Man Treat a Lady?

The road will be mastered by the one who walks...

The measure of a woman's worth can be the man she loves.
Belinsky V.G.

I’m reading a book by psychologist Mikhail Litvak, I liked one phrase there: “Always achieve only the Queen. Of course, the Queen can refuse. But the Queen will refuse! But it’s not the Queen who can refuse.”
It seems to me that this phrase is also true in relation to women - always meet only with the King, well, or on extreme case, with a gentleman.

The other day I came across a funny note in the Robot Comedian community.

In the note, the person proves through simple mathematical calculations that for the average Russian man caring for a girl is too expensive, unaffordable, therefore girls should understand this and not wait for courtship.
We will not dwell in detail on the psychosocial problems of the author, caused by various physical and emotional factors(I think it’s already obvious to everyone that a couple of girls did not give in to his demands), let’s concentrate on the question itself - should a man treat a lady? Take you to a restaurant, theater, give flowers, etc.?
In general, should you take care, or is it not at all necessary, and even more expensive?..
In our age of emancipated women, the question is already causing debate. Gentlemanship of a man is no longer something unshakable; many people think that courtship is not necessary, etc.
This position is held not only by men, but also by some ladies, most of whom are economically independent. They also consider flowers a waste of money, and they can easily buy everything else for themselves, and for the man themselves.
Well, I'll give my opinion. It seems to me that a man should still treat and look after. NO MATTER how rich the lady he likes is. Even if he - school teacher, and she is a manager at Gazprom, HE should treat her.
Why? Just because he's a man? Yes. And also because this is how they are distributed social roles.
No, it’s not difficult for me to buy coffee, a pie, a salad for myself... When I meet with male friends, that’s exactly what I do.
But the man with whom the woman has romantic relationship, and even more so, who is still only applying for a relationship with a specific woman, must, of course, treat her if he wants to get/keep this lady. It's not so much about money as it is about principle.
Whatever one may say, a woman is a dependent creature and overall weaker than a man. Even in our emancipated age, when most women work (although there are also housewives), women are dependent, perhaps even more than in the 18th century.
It's no secret that, other things being equal, many employers will prefer to hire a man - after all, a woman can go on maternity leave, and for quite a long time the employer will lose his employee, and will also be obliged to pay for maternity leave. This is especially true for private structures, for entrepreneurs who pay “out of their own pocket.” It is also no secret that men’s salaries on average exceed women’s salaries, and for the same job a man is often paid more than a girl doing the same job.
But this is not scary and is not critical for women. Another thing is critical - when a woman gives birth to a child, she becomes almost completely financially dependent on a man (at child benefit you can’t live in our country). On maternity leave the state gives three years. During this time, a woman significantly loses her qualifications, professional skills, and generally “falls out” of the working environment, and, consequently, to a large extent loses the ability to independently provide for herself and her child. Thus, providing for the family falls on the shoulders of the husband. In general, this is natural, both according to the Bible and according to universal human norms.
Many condemn girls who refuse “drug addicts-beggars-geniuses” for the sake of marriage with socially successful man. Personally, I don’t blame such women - it’s nature. And nature, no matter how you drive it away, will still return. Even in Sunday school I was told - look for an accomplished person. A woman is the successor of the family, and she is interested in the further prosperity of her family, therefore, she is looking for a person who is able to feed this family, and she draws conclusions about this ability (and even about desire), about ATTITUDE towards herself and about INTEREST in herself based on the fact that how he cares. Therefore, a girl is practical by nature, and this practicality is the key to survival, if you like. If the lady herself can still endure hardships and be relatively happy, then when a child is exposed to hardships, any woman will suffer extremely from this. Agree, no lady would like her child to look into the mouth of a friend chewing Snickers, or ask for a bicycle/computer for which the family does not have money. That's why she chooses a man who won't allow this to happen.

So... If a man now, at the stage of sweets and bouquets, cannot (does not want) to buy a lady a bouquet and take her to the carousel, then how does he plan to support his family and children in the future? I personally don’t believe that an adult will change; the transformation of a miser into a dispenser of bounty only happens in fairy tales. And it’s not rational to re-educate. It seems to me that a person getting married should choose a “finished product” rather than a “semi-finished product” with the very illusory hope of raising this semi-finished product in the image and likeness of his Ideal. I apologize for calling a person a product just to make it clearer.
So, I would advise the ladies: if a man doesn’t want to treat you, and at the same time you don’t claim the heart of this man, but you’re just interested in chatting with him - for God’s sake, don’t let him treat you, he doesn’t want to and doesn’t need to, treat yourself . But if you are looking for a life partner, leave the “untreater” without regretting it, or be prepared that the lion’s share of caring for the family will fall on your shoulders, and the lion’s share of your salary will go on food for you and him.

P.S. Somehow I’m approaching the question too seriously, probably socionics write the Truth, Dosts are so boring

Question: Should a man treat a lady?

@music: *Little Night Serenade*, Mozart

@mood:

2010-06-30 at 17:02

We are creating this world for the umpteenth time...

1000!
A man MUST court a woman. A woman can pay for a man only at a celebration to which she invited him. (like her birthday)
But from the stupid emancipation of us women, we got a whole generation of helpless gigolos who just open their mouths when they come to everything ready... And then we also complain that we ourselves have to hammer nails or carry heavy things.
I'm exaggerating, of course. But in the end, that’s where everything goes.
It is not appropriate for a woman to look after a man, feed him and give him water))

2010-06-30 at 18:17

The question here is twofold.
Personally, I quickly determine whether I need a man who is trying to please me. Will I continue my relationship with him or not? If, let’s say, a man is interesting to me, and not only as a good friend or friend, then I allow him to pay for himself. If I don’t plan to develop personal relationships, then I hint at this circumstance and cry myself. If I’m not interested in a man at all, then I won’t go anywhere with him. Regardless of the state of his wallet.
Old friends or relatives sometimes pay for me themselves with a phrase like: “don’t bother.”
That is, in fact, this is how I define distance in a relationship: it’s convenient for me and you don’t care.
In general there is good phrase on this topic: “Of course, our country is not very developed, but not so much that a woman pays with herself for a bowl of soup.”

2010-06-30 at 20:09

The road will be mastered by the one who walks...

But from the stupid emancipation of us women, we got a whole generation of helpless gigolos who just open their mouths when they come to everything ready... And then we also complain that we ourselves have to hammer nails or carry heavy things.

Well, and because of emancipation, we got ourselves two jobs - one official and a “second shift” at home, at the stove

If I don’t plan to develop personal relationships, then I hint at this circumstance and cry myself.
And if it’s not a secret... In this case, the gentleman doesn’t try to object? Somehow turn the tide of the situation, insist that he treats?

2010-06-30 at 20:59

Therefore, a girl is practical by nature, and this practicality is the key to survival, if you like

I would call it another word, much less pleasant... But I’m too lazy to argue with a woman, and I don’t want to offend anyone.

2010-06-30 at 21:04

Fear the first movement of the soul, because it is usually the noblest. (c) Charles Maurice Talleyrand

And you think that I’m not a woman, but just a person

Well then, I’ll say that I’ve always been amused by people who think that someone owes them something simply by virtue of their birth. Just like that, for what you are. Those. “I’m a man, that means I can”, “I’m a woman, that means I’m owed...”, “I’m a person of such and such nationality, that means I’m ...., and everyone else is...”
Etc. and etc.
People, finally come to terms with the fact that just like that, after birth no one owes you anything. Well, just in general. Nobody and nothing.
And if someone does something good for you, it’s only because wants(but not must!) to please you with something. Or maybe you won't want to. Especially if you have done nothing to deserve it. And it would be stupid to be offended here. And no one but yourself.

2010-07-02 at 00:18

It's easy to be kind when you're strong

And further. I consider myself a fairly wealthy person for some time now, but as soon as I notice that a girl is interested in me first of all (and if I were a poor student or a poor artist, she would have run away), we immediately part with her.
Why - I think there is no need to explain.

2010-07-02 at 00:43

The road will be mastered by the one who walks...

People, finally come to terms with the fact that simply because you were born, no one owes you anything. Well, just in general. Nobody and nothing.

Well, maybe you're right, the word "should" doesn't really fit here. I didn’t advise the ladies to download the right, I only advised them to draw conclusions

And if someone does something good for you, it is only because they want (and not should!) to please you with something. Or maybe you won't want to. Especially if you have done nothing to deserve it. And it would be stupid to be offended here. And no one but yourself.

Hmm... Does this only apply to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships or does it also apply to the family?.. Still, in the family there are obligations... Well, or I don’t know what to call it. In general, a person cannot feed his child today because he wanted to please him, but tomorrow he won’t...

2010-07-02 at 00:47

It's easy to be kind when you're strong

Does this only apply to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships or does it apply to families as well?

did you write a post about parents with children or about relationships in the Man-Woman format?

Although in general the same rules work in the family, albeit with minor reservations. For example, if the child’s parents fed him, then the latter should at least say “thank you”, thank him for doing something for him... and not perceive it as “they owe me, so let them feed him.”

2010-07-02 at 00:48

Fear the first movement of the soul, because it is usually the noblest. (c) Charles Maurice Talleyrand

But women themselves sometimes seem to have illusions about themselves. Or they just pretend that they don’t understand that what they are doing is just a veiled version of prostitution.
Well, they wrote to you that even the priest said that it was instinct, but you still don’t believe it.
And if someone does something good for you, it is only because they want (and not should!) to please you with something. Or maybe you won't want to. Especially if you have done nothing to deserve it. And it would be stupid to be offended here. And no one but yourself.
Should-shouldn't. Let's be honest. This whole candy-bouquet stage in the eyes of many men is nothing more than a tribute to tradition.
Many people choose a woman only based on her appearance and for a very specific purpose.
Then a bitter resentment follows, and I spent money on her, took her to a restaurant, gave her flowers, but she still didn’t give it. Such an infection.
If you look at it from my point of view, female point point of view, then I can estimate the approximate solvency without resorting to a restaurant bill. And since I don’t start relationships with men below my circle, a couple of cups of coffee won’t make the prospective candidate go broke.
A lady from Gazprom and a gentleman village teacher is generally a utopia.

2010-07-02 at 01:00

It's easy to be kind when you're strong

Well, they wrote to you that even the priest said,

yeah, strong argument

it's instinct

instinct to be a prostitute? I don’t remember something like this in human instincts. Although I studied them quite closely in psychology.

Many people choose a woman only based on her appearance and for a very specific purpose.

This is the attitude towards a woman as a thing, as an object for which she is “paid for”, as an option for a calculated investment, which she will then have to work off.
Don't you like this attitude of men towards women? And the attitude of women towards men "he must pay for me"? Isn’t it obvious that one thing stems from the other?

A lady from Gazprom and a gentleman village teacher is generally a utopia.

You will laugh, but all the wealthy (or incredibly beautiful) women I know have at least once in their lives had some kind of crazy affair with a poor student and a boy from the street.

2010-07-02 at 01:13

Fear the first movement of the soul, because it is usually the noblest. (c) Charles Maurice Talleyrand

Isn’t it obvious that one thing stems from the other?
Alas. But they suit each other. Is not it?
You will laugh, but all the wealthy (or incredibly beautiful) women I know have at least once in their lives had some kind of crazy affair with a poor student and a boy from the street.
*sarcastically* And what was the age difference between wealthy woman and a boy from the street?
Anything can happen in life, but I don’t think these ladies planned to start a family with them.

By the way, do you like Sasha Cherny? He has a very nice poem on the topic.

2010-07-02 at 01:22

It's easy to be kind when you're strong

Alas. But they suit each other. Is not it?

So.
That’s exactly what I was talking about: that a girl who evaluates a man by his wealth and willingness to pay for her is a prostitute, and she needs a man who matches him (who buys women as household items). Everything is fair, everyone is happy.

And what was the age difference between a wealthy woman and a boy from the street?

Yes, in different ways. Sometimes it did not exceed 1 year.

I don’t think these ladies planned to start a family with them.

Again, you will laugh, but... Sometimes you planned it. You say it yourself - anything can happen in life.
Although, in fairness, I must note that I have not heard of any such happy and long-lasting family.

P.S. This is the first time I’ve heard about Sasha Cherny.

2010-07-02 at 01:25

Fear the first movement of the soul, because it is usually the noblest. (c) Charles Maurice Talleyrand

LAW
If it’s off-topic and not on topic, then delete it later, okay? But I can’t help but quote it.

SCARY TALE

Surrounded by a bunch of forms,
Elderly Bank Clerk
Smoking gloomily and looking askance
On the next scary table.

During evening classes
Yesterday he visited the girl Kernich,
As always, I went for help
About Warsaw bills of lading -

And, leaning towards the back of her head,
Unexpectedly and passionately
Under the dashing curls
Suddenly he kissed her.

Combining events
Maiden Kernich with sluggish agility
Somehow kissed
Tie, sideburns and mustache.

Poor Bankov was not found,
Went to armfuls of forms
And, smoking, he balanced his balances
Before leaving, like a mute.

Oh, yesterday was not sweet!
But today, like a grave,
Banks is gloomy and looks sideways
On the next scary table.

But the maiden Kernich is calm:
During evening classes
Under the dashing curls
Wasn't it her he kissed?

She came up as if on instinct,
And, exaggerating the event,
Sat down next to me and respectably
She whispered slowly:

"My salary is fifty a month,
Your salary is fifty a month, -
For a hundred a month in St. Petersburg
You can live a very nice life.

Rewards and raises
I'm counting on the pins
On People's House and beer,
For servants and tobacco."

The gloomy Bankov smiled -
On one of the old forms
Quickly reduced their total budget
And he pinched the bride.

So Peter Bankov with Clara Kernich
During evening classes,
Seduced by savings,
We got engaged in good time.

Four years have crept by.
Three for the Bank freaks
Born during this time
It is unknown why.

Premature fourth
Became a prey to abortion
Since my husband got a new raise
Didn't receive it by Christmas.

As time went. In the corner of the living room
Got really drunk
And in great bewilderment
Sleeping peacefully under the key.

Bankov himself hung on the walls,
Dostoevsky and the Spanish flu.
Two artificial palm trees
They were drying boringly in the corners.

Hundreds of faces of different colors
They called it happiness...
Hundreds with open envy
They repeated it out loud!

Is this new? Just as new
What is Popov's last name?
Like cholera and leprosy,
Like the plague and the crying of children.
What is this story for?
Did you tell the world again?
Just because in the world
There's nothing scarier...

2010-07-02 at 13:58

The road will be mastered by the one who walks...

Well, I’m talking about the relationship between a man and a woman with the goal of building a family and having children. Perhaps we misunderstood each other, I wasn’t trying to prove that any man should treat any lady only based on the presence of pants. And she wrote that if I meet male friends, acquaintances, colleagues, etc., I always help myself, and I don’t think that they owe me anything just because they are men. I simply advised a woman who wants children to choose a gentleman. Well, or be ready, if anything, to feed the family yourself, he doesn’t owe anything, the desire to do something may not arise, but he has to live somehow every day

It’s interesting to just clarify your position... A different view of the world, after all
Should there be a common budget in the family, or “to each his own”?
And, did I understand correctly that “the principle “no one owes anything to anyone, everything is done only at will” - applies in both directions, to both men and women? And, likewise, a woman should not do anything “by birthright,” just because she is a woman? That is, a lady should not engage in “typical women's affairs"(in everyday life), if she doesn’t have such a desire? Eh, but I was always taught differently... A woman should be able to do everything around the house, feed and drink, she’s a woman! And, honestly, I myself have always disliked my dislike for everyday life, they say , how can it be, I’m a woman and I don’t cook... Honestly, I even developed a complex about this, and this complex began to go away a little only after I found out who “intuitive” and “sensory” are. And this is your view of the world the complex dissipates without any special scientific knowledge.Not such a bad look, by the way.
Can I ask?.. Now, if we remember the situation outlined above by Ettarre with late arrival from work and apply it to our conversation:
Let's say you got married or live with a girl in civil marriage, without children for now, i.e. The principle of a guy/girl relationship is just being implemented, where in your opinion no one owes anyone anything. And so, you come at nine in the evening from a very stressful job, very tired and very hungry. And your girlfriend was at home at that time, but she wanted to cook homemade dinner she didn’t have any desire to go to the store - well, she went to a cafe with a friend, ate at work, but you never know the options... And you see an empty table and a mouse hanging in the refrigerator Of course, you are an intelligent and well-mannered person , you are unlikely to make a claim. But, in the depths of your soul, no resentment stirs?.. The question does not arise: “Well, how can this be?” And simply, won’t the mood spoil? Or are you with good mood will you go to bed without dinner, and the next day go to work without breakfast?.. And wouldn’t you be at all offended that you have a healthy Russian woman at home, and she didn’t want to cook you some pasta?..
Or, guided by your principle, you will always take care of your own life, since desire is an unpredictable thing, today it is, tomorrow it is not.
Sorry if these are too personal questions... Just curious.
What about the holidays? Should people in a relationship congratulate each other on March 8, February 23 and other dates, give something, or also at will, and should not be offended by the lack of congratulations?..

Well, as an off topic - I, too, have always been for relationships to bring joy to a person. And if the relationship does not bring her, something is wrong, and most likely, you need to look for another relationship that will please you. I have never understood the wives of alcoholics, drug addicts, etc. But at the same time, you have to sacrifice something for the sake of the relationship. So, a good relationship- this is when you sacrifice a pawn for the sake of a queen, and not vice versa.

2010-07-02 at 14:00

The road will be mastered by the one who walks...

Cool poem!
I really liked it
And, I never wash anything here. And here you can write whatever you want

And your position seems to me to be very reasonable, in the sense of a position regarding “one circle”. After all, a person can only love someone equal to himself; if someone is lower than him, he feels a feeling of pity for him, if he is higher, this will already be a feeling of admiration. But not love...

2010-07-02 at 14:28

It's easy to be kind when you're strong

after all, she didn’t try to prove that any man should treat any lady only on the basis of the presence of pants.

Yes???
then write more precisely and specifically, because that’s exactly what it looks like.

And the budget in the family is common must to be, or “to each his own”?

Again this stupid word.... No one owes anyone anything. How to agree.

And, likewise, a woman should not do anything “by birthright,” just because she is a woman?

That is, a lady should not engage in “typically feminine affairs” (everyday life) if she does not have such a desire?

Yes.
Although this does not mean that she should not deal with them.

in the depths of your soul there will be no resentment stirring?.. The question will not arise: “Well, how can this be?” And simply, won’t the mood spoil? Or will you go to bed in a good mood without dinner, and the next day go to work without breakfast?.. And wouldn’t you be at all offended that you have a healthy Russian woman at home, and she didn’t want to cook you pasta?..

On the other hand, I myself, of course, will try to do everything so that the girl does not lose the desire to please me with something when she comes home from work.

a good relationship is when you sacrifice a pawn for the sake of a queen, and not vice versa.

A great attitude- this is when you don’t sacrifice anything, but only gain.

2010-07-02 at 19:47

Fear the first movement of the soul, because it is usually the noblest. (c) Charles Maurice Talleyrand

LAW
And your position seems to me to be very reasonable, in the sense of a position regarding “one circle”. After all, a person can only love someone equal to himself; if someone is lower than him, he feels a feeling of pity for him, if he is higher, this will already be a feeling of admiration. But not love...
I meant rather a circle of friends, a circle of interests. Because if we talk about the social circle, then what is below, I can say for sure. Vasya the plumber and I mutual language We won’t find any on personal topics.
What about above? Well, maybe some kind of duke... With a family castle in Ile-de-France and knowledge of eight languages.
Should there be a common budget in the family, or “to each his own”?
It is still not entirely clear what is meant by the total budget? In a family, in my opinion, there should be some kind of common piggy bank for children, for the household and for large expenses. This is the money the decision to spend is decided jointly. Anything beyond this amount can be spent as you wish.

Again this stupid word.... No one owes anyone anything. How to agree.
So I'm curious, how do you imagine this? Can you describe it?
I expressed my point of view above.
That is, a lady should not engage in “typically feminine affairs” (everyday life) if she does not have such a desire?

Yes.

So should it or shouldn't it? Sophistry is a good thing, but maybe we can be a little more specific?
Relatively speaking, should a woman iron her husband’s shirts or let him wear wrinkled ones (as an alternative, iron them himself)?
In the light of my worldview, the question is quite appropriate - why am I living with this girl? After all, according to the same worldviews, no one owes anything to anyone, therefore, it is not at all necessary for me to be next to her every evening. And I can very easily lose the desire to come to such a house where I am greeted like that. And if the desire is gone, then...
On the other hand, I myself, of course, will try to do everything so that the girl does not lose the desire to please me with something when she comes home from work.
Here you have duality. On the one side- no one owes anyone anything, therefore, it is not at all necessary for me to be next to her every evening.. And on the other hand - I could very easily lose the desire to come to a house where I am greeted like this.b That is, it turns out that, of course, she doesn’t owe me anything, but if she wants to keep me with her, she owes it. Not logical.

2010-07-02 at 20:10

LAW A woman should be able to do everything around the house, feed and drink, she’s a woman!
IMHO, you just need to agree on how to manage household responsibilities (for example, your wife does the ironing and I take out the trash). As for cooking, it seems to me that the most reasonable division is based on the principle that whoever comes first cooks. There is nothing complicated about cooking. And it doesn’t take much time (if you don’t bother with cooking borscht and stuffing chicken).
Well, in a pinch, if force majeure happens, I can always call and ask for dinner to be prepared for me.

In general, the good thing about an agreement is that it helps to avoid manipulation in relationships.

2010-07-03 at 00:00

It's easy to be kind when you're strong

So I'm curious, how do you imagine this? Can you describe it?

Actually, what’s so complicated about that?
A man and a woman meet and, after all the shamanic dances and dances with a tambourine, paying tribute to all the necessary conventions, they decide to live together. It is quite possible that he has his own point of view on how everything should be in their family, and she has her own. But since they are adults, they will discuss everything and come to some common denominator. These are the rules they will live by. If they really are adults and reasonable people.
And if, sorry to say, we haven’t grown up yet (regardless of our age), then we often see other pictures - with each of the participants in this fun process dragging the blanket over themselves.
But that is another story...

And speaking specifically about the budget, again, there are different schemes. Depending on who in the family earns and who is responsible for the distribution of funds, so to speak. I know families in which the wife is in full charge of expenses. I know where it's the other way around. I know families where the only breadwinner is the man. I know where everything is... a little wrong. I know families where the budget is planned and distributed jointly, and where - individually, by one person. All these schemes are quite viable if they suit all participants in the process, so... In short, as agreed

Here you have duality.

No duality.

That is, it turns out that of course she doesn’t owe me anything, but if he wants You have to keep me with you, then you have to.

The fact of the matter is that you don’t have to. Notice the word "wants".
Those. a person does not owe or owe anything. But he has a choice - to act one way or another. And he, as an adult and reasonable person, can predict the consequences of his actions. And decide what to do.
You apparently go to extremes and are inclined to believe that if a person “shouldn’t”, then he won’t do anything? Not a fact at all. It is quite possible that it will happen, but not out of obligation, but out of desire.
A simple example: I don’t consider myself obligated to pay for a woman in a cafe. I don’t think that’s all. But I do this quite often. Why? Because I want to. Because I have a desire to do something nice for this girl, to please her with something, etc. But this is not an obligation! This is my main disagreement with LAW.
And in relationships it’s the same. Of course, if two people decide that they don’t owe each other anything and lie on the couch all day long, not wanting to break a finger, it’s unlikely that such a family will last long. But “shouldn’t” does not automatically mean “I won’t.” If I have already decided to build some kind of relationship with a woman, then I will probably try to make her feel comfortable in this relationship. So that she would want to come to this house and, in turn, please me with something. Not because she must to do this (due to some duties), but because wants.
Do you feel the difference?

P.S. now try to say that this is illogical

2010-07-03 at 00:18

The road will be mastered by the one who walks...

Yes???
then write more precisely and specifically, because that’s exactly what it looks like.

Okay And, it seems like we agreed to switch to you.

And regarding the subject of our conversation... In general, I have already voiced a question that came to me too -

Yes.
Although this does not mean that she should not deal with them.

How's that?

And then... It seems to me that there really is a duality here. Like, the lady shouldn’t, but if she doesn’t, why am I living with her?
The same can be said about other areas of life - an employee can work if he wants, but if he doesn’t want to, why keep such an employee?.. Simply, this is usually called “responsibilities” (I won’t use the word duty if it’s unpleasant for you).

It seems to me that the traditional understanding, when a man and a woman are endowed with certain obligations (don’t scold me just for this word), is somehow... more direct or something. More specifically. More definitely. And there are fewer reasons for misunderstanding. Everyone has their own functions, he has to earn, she has to manage, if she works too, they manage in half.
If someone does not fulfill his function due to laziness, the other side will have objections, and they seem to be legal and natural, the person is wrong, and, most importantly, he himself understands that he is wrong, the other one does his function. Everything is clear, clear, specific.

And here... “You, of course, can do whatever you want, but if you don’t do it, the question arises, why come home at all?”
That is, first a person is told about his freedom in desires, and then... he is punished for not showing any desire. But desire is a voluntary process. That's the beauty of it. And when a person knows that his reluctance to do something and following this reluctance will entail certain sanctions... You know, it reminds me of one moment from religion that I never understood - you are free in your desire to love or not love God, but If you don't love, you'll go to Hell.

Is it possible to say here that “A person does something for one reason - if he wants to please you”?

And if, for example, there was no choice to leave the lady and find another - well, divorces are prohibited there, etc. , you can imagine - would you demand a clean shirt, etc.?
Nevertheless, we are already talking about building relationships with a person... WITH ONE person. Leaving is not the easiest thing?..

And a great attitude is when you don’t sacrifice anything, but only gain.
It seems to me that this cannot happen. After all, people cannot always be “positive”. Someone may get sick, and then another will take oranges to the hospital. And this is already a sacrifice - time, effort, etc. So you only had your problems - in a relationship, the number of problems for both doubles, because now the problems of the other are also your problems, just as your problems are his problems. By at least, this is how I understand the relationship.
My husband's problem is my problem. Even if this is his problem at work, I will still worry, think about a solution, etc.

What about above? Well, maybe some kind of duke... With a family castle in Ile-de-France and knowledge of eight languages.

Well, as my mother says: “On earth, of course, there are people smarter than me. These are Solzhenitsyn, Brodsky, Academician Likhachev...” I always envied my mother’s self-esteem

It is still not entirely clear what is meant by the total budget? In a family, in my opinion, there should be some kind of common piggy bank for children, for the household and for large expenses. This is the money the decision to spend is decided jointly. Anything beyond this amount can be spent as you wish.

Well, yes, I understand that too.
Should spouses contribute equal shares to the piggy bank? What if someone has a much lower salary than another?

2010-07-03 at 00:19

The road will be mastered by the one who walks...

Well, yes, that’s true. True, it happens that an agreement ceases to be observed over time. How many stories have I heard like - My husband and I agreed to take turns washing the dishes, but gradually it became my honorable mission

2010-07-03 at 01:08

Fear the first movement of the soul, because it is usually the noblest. (c) Charles Maurice Talleyrand

The fact of the matter is that you don’t have to. Notice the word "wants".
Yes, I did. But dogl is a kind of voluntarily recognized moral obligations. IN in this case one person before another. That is, they are purely specific.
And desires.... they don't matter. And they need to be voiced.
If the husband, let’s say, has the responsibility of preparing breakfast, he gets up earlier. The wife who sleeps longer knows that in the morning she is guaranteed to have food and coffee waiting for her. And he doesn’t fuss about it. And if today there is a desire, tomorrow there is no desire, and the day after tomorrow I was completely late and did not warn, then you know, it turns out to be a mess.
A simple example: I don’t consider myself obligated to pay for a woman in a cafe. I don’t think that’s all. But I do this quite often. Why? Because I want to. Because I have a desire to do something nice for this girl, to please her with something, etc. But this is not an obligation! This is my main disagreement with LAW.
Do you seriously think that you can make someone happy by paying for a bowl of soup? And why is it so nice?

In general, the good thing about an agreement is that it helps to avoid manipulation in relationships.
A very reasonable opinion, almost the most reasonable one in the topic.

2010-07-03 at 02:23

Everything passes, and this too. Unfortunately it's me.

In my opinion, it is natural for a man to want to do pleasing to a woman, and a woman has the right to expect a similar attitude towards herself. Moreover, regardless of the degree of closeness or prospects for it.

2010-07-03 at 10:48

It is not the most talented, much less the most worthy, who achieves success, but the most persistent. Because he needs it most of all.© Popular wisdom

The main problem most men face on a date is not how to keep a girl busy or how to pay the restaurant bill. The main thing is how to understand that your lady is interested in continuing the evening in a more intimate setting, because manifestations of politeness or goodwill can easily be interpreted as an invitation to sex. Sometimes it’s not easy to decipher the behavior code of your interlocutor: does she want to get to know you better or is she ready to cross the line this evening. And how do you know if a conversation with a woman you just met in a nightclub will be a prelude to sex? To be honest, not 100% sure signs, which guarantee you a stormy night, but still there are some features of a woman’s behavior that betray her disposition and allow you to hope for reciprocity.

It's no secret that it is the woman who controls the sexual “climate” in any situation. So what should serve as a signal for you to take action? So, a woman is ready for intimacy if she does the following:

No. 10. Treats you to drinks

If a woman (especially a stranger, such as in a bar or restaurant) buys you a drink, she is clearly letting you know that she likes you. She is also confident in herself and is used to achieving what she wants. In addition, this is an invitation to join - and perhaps be company not only at a restaurant table or bar counter, but in a more intimate setting.

No. 9. touches you

Body language is the key to understanding whether a woman likes you or not. If she touches you tenderly, rests her hand on your shoulder, or strokes your palm, it is possible that she would like to feel your touch, and of a more intimate nature.

No. 8. Gives you compliments

Not only women like to hear compliments addressed to them. Men also want others to flatter their vanity from time to time and fuel their self-love. True, this open secret has long been known to most women. Therefore, if a lady showers you with compliments, praising to the skies your appearance, the aroma of cologne or an impeccable suit, you can safely hope that the evening will continue after the end of the date.

No. 7. Catches your eye

If a woman keeps her eyes on you and maintains long eye contact (by “long” we mean “longer than five seconds”), it means she enjoys looking at you. What does it mean? Most likely, she is ready to take a closer look at you, and without clothes.

No. 6. Doesn't mind your touch

A woman's touch should be regarded as an invitation to respond. If a woman does not shy away from the hand extended to her and shows that she enjoys your touch, it means that she is comfortable in your company and is physically attractive to her. This is one of the surest signs that you can count on intimacy.

No. 5. Leans towards you

In conversation with by a stranger both men and women always maintain personal space, i.e. move away from the interlocutor to a sufficient, “safe” distance.

Therefore, if your lady leans towards you during a conversation, you can safely interpret this “counter movement” as a sign of her favor. This means that the woman is ready to share her personal space with you and get closer.

No. 4. Shares personal experiences

Women rarely share their secrets with strangers, especially men. And then lay out all your ins and outs, talk about first love or betrayal close friend... In a word, a woman is frank only with those she trusts, and trust is the key to intimacy. Take her honesty as a request for support and perhaps comfort.

No. 3. Says obscenities

Every woman wants to be loved and adored. When a man looks at his chosen one with delight, it is worth a lot. For personal life to develop harmoniously, both partners must be sexually satisfied. But at the beginning of a relationship, a woman does not always understand what a man wants from her. To understand, it is enough to carefully observe the young man and correctly evaluate his actions and words. If a man wants a woman, the signs will be quite eloquent.

How to recognize sympathy?

Psychologists have identified a number of factors that may indicate that a man has more than just friendly feelings for a woman.

Does a man want a woman?

This question interests every girl at the beginning of a relationship. Of course, the most reliable evidence is the erection that occurs, but it is not always possible to notice it. Therefore, it is worth looking for other ways that will help determine a guy’s desire. If a man wants a woman, signs such as or gestures will definitely give him away.

How can you tell if a guy is excited?

Experts advise paying attention to a number of factors that indicate that a man is excited.

Confidence of a "male"

If a man wants a woman, the signs cannot be hidden. Every young man tries to show individuality in order to conquer a girl, but common features everything is just like that. In the presence of his chosen one, a man can adjust his tie or belt and touch his face.

When he holds his hands on his belt or on his hips, this is self-confidence and a subconscious call for sex. A man wants a woman to caress these places.

All thoughts are about only one thing...

If a man wants a woman, the signs will “scream” about it. A young man can persistently call a girl home for some completely stupid reasons: to watch a movie, evaluate his renovation, or help him with the design of his apartment.

When a man thinks about sex, he can say vulgar phrases, which sometimes even repel girls. But you have to come to terms with this, because in this moment he is completely focused on his feelings and desire to possess his chosen one.

Material side

Many girls often think about what are the signs that a man wants a woman. Signs may also relate to the material aspect. When dining in a cafe, a young man will definitely pay for his passion, and will not offer her to split the bill equally. This does not mean that the woman is obliged to spend the night with him, but the man hopes that she will appreciate his generosity.

Some secrets of male psychology

It has long been known that representatives of the stronger and weaker sex differ in nature. Therefore, women should not expect from men what they cannot give them. In order for relationships to develop harmoniously, girls must take into account some of the characteristics of men.

Young people do not know how to vigorously show delight and admiration; they prefer to hide their emotions. Even a small compliment can be regarded as the highest praise. A woman is unlikely to hear words in superlative form.

Almost all men love to interrupt. They do this not on purpose and do not want to offend or belittle their interlocutor. This manner of communication occurs on a subconscious level. A man's brain is designed in such a way that he looks for a solution. Therefore, while the girl is explaining the essence of the question, he can already think through the answer and skip information that, in his opinion, is unnecessary.

When talking to a man, you must first state main idea, and only then proceed to discuss the details.

Young people love to argue, but a woman should not perceive this as a quarrel or disagreement. There is no need to prove anything to a man if the issue is not fundamental. It is much wiser to agree with him and admit the correctness of his arguments.

When a tense situation arises, it is enough for a woman to touch a man and hug him to calm the quarrel. This behavior turns off logic and tunes him to emotions.

The most valuable thing is actions!

The behavior of a man who wants a woman is quite predictable. He will look for meetings with her, call after dates, give flowers and gifts. You should not agree without making sure that the young person has intentions. If he is, he will definitely prove it with his actions and actions. And when a man needs one-time sex, he is unlikely to court for a long time and seek the attention of his passion. Women should remember this so as not to experience a bitter feeling of disappointment later.

Particularly dangerous are those who persistently treat others, but do not eat themselves.

In bright office buildings, many dangers await innocent and weak souls. Beware of the bosses who rule here varying degrees sanity, envious or too friendly (why would that be?) colleagues, annoying clients and two-faced office “breadwinners”. The latter bring various goodies to work, tempt their colleagues with them, and eat almost nothing themselves. Do they want to make friends or are they up to no good?

Look to the root

The motives of those who regularly treat colleagues can be very different. A colleague who is passionate about cooking can show off his skills; a lady who is permanently losing weight, but from time to time succumbs to temptation - to show miracles of generosity so as not to gobble up everything she bought herself; someone is simply accustomed to sharing since childhood and cannot crunch cookies alone; and even management may have good reasons for feeding employees sweets.

“In one of the crises our small company was in a very difficult situation. Everyone knew that, most likely, we would survive last days, says Vera K. (name changed). “Our British boss, coming once a week, always brought us a huge box of chocolates to lift our not-so-joyful mood.”

But the motive behind such generosity may not be so innocent. Under the guise of a seemingly friendly colleague, there may be a feeder hiding (more about the phenomenon in), deliberately trying to feed you.

Beware of intrigues

Just imagine: you diet hard, walk to work, and sweat at the gym a couple of times a week. Losses can already be counted in kilograms, but we are still far from ideal. But then the evil colleague got into the habit of bringing fresh croissants in the morning, and even making sure that everyone definitely tasted the treat. The morning snack is not limited to - at eleven you will find biscuits or the most delicate shortbread cookies, fatty and sweet. Important. The “nurse” herself does not touch everything brought!

It is quite possible that you actually met a feeder. Maybe your colleague has a disorder eating behavior, and she enjoys watching others consume calories in front of her eyes, strengthening her own determination and willpower. It is also likely that the “nurse” is simply jealous of your persistence and impressive results. But food can also be used as a tool in competition- after all, being slim indicates self-control and activity (read about why fat people are not hired in the additional material).

Or maybe it's all about you? After all, the whole world shouldn’t have to give up sweets because you suddenly decided to lose weight.

Know your limits

Be that as it may, according to very serious research, when it comes to losing weight (and quitting smoking, by the way, too), offices are really full of difficult temptations (about what and when to eat in the office - in).

Brian Wensing, a professor at Cornell University who studies eating behavior, notes that secretaries eat five and a half times more chocolate if it is always within reach. According to Wensing, we generally consume 30% more calories when we eat with others, and women more men are influenced by the eating patterns of colleagues.

To resist the dominance of cookies and other high-calorie “evil spirits,” the professor recommends adhering to three basic rules:

Keep on hand healthy food. We eat what is in front of our eyes. So if someone in the office offers you sweets or baked goods, make sure you have a supply of celery or carrot sticks on your desk.

Do not throw away candy wrappers and packaging. Research shows that chocolate wrappers or empty crisp packets on the table serve as a deterrent - you can see how much of it you've already eaten.

Put it out of sight. If, nevertheless, you heeded the urgent requests and took the offered treat, put it away.

Stop, nurse!

Those who constantly feed their colleagues (there are no statistics, but usually these are women) should think about their own image. They may be considered “mommies.” As Christopher Flett, author of the book “,” writes, no one takes moms seriously. This kind of behavior (mommy bringing cookies to work, advising co-workers on personal matters, and cleaning up after everyone in the lunch room) is appreciated in a personal life, but not respected in a business environment.

"Mommy will never be seen as a serious businesswoman because men assume that her need to help everyone and everything negatively affects her ability to be objective in business," Flett argues.

Materials used in preparation dailymail.co.uk

Found a typo? Select the text and press Ctrl + Enter

Practical men call first dates a prelude to sex, and romantic women - candy-bouquet period. Can’t modern and universally emancipated girls buy flowers and sweets for themselves? They can, of course, but they expect this from men, because traditionally a guy should look after a girl exactly this way. Of course, the weaker sex also likes assertiveness, but it is the romantics who quickly and successfully select the key to a woman’s heart.

For those who want to succeed in the field of love, the authors of the book “The Language of Relationships,” Allan and Barbara Pease, have prepared multi-page instructions. But all these recommendations can be boiled down to just a few simple rules, which imply classical courtship.

Chocolate and champagne are a standard gentleman's set for romance. This is not just a treat, as it turned out, these “delicacies” contain substances that help inflame passion in men and women. Champagne is a unique alcoholic drink that increases testosterone levels. As for chocolate, it contains phenylethylamine, including sexual fantasies among women. Some scientists quite seriously compare the effects of chocolate with the effects of marijuana.

A live fire in a fireplace or campfire is certainly a romantic sight. Probably, girls like it so much because it awakens in their subconscious associations with ancient times, when strong defenders of the tribe lit fires. If modern man able to make fire (even with the help of a lighter) - he is certainly worthy of special attention.

Fresh flowers are an impractical thing, according to men. But women find a source of inspiration in bouquets: “my beloved wants to please me.” Yes, feminine logic exactly this: it makes sense to spend money on something beautiful that will have to be thrown away in just a few days because it will wither. But then there will automatically be a reason to give a new bouquet!

Joint trip to night club The restaurant allows you to kill two birds with one stone. Firstly, the man treats the woman to food, which again takes us back to ancient times (the breadwinner brought the game, albeit with the help of the waiter). And secondly, dancing to slow music is truly an unusually romantic act. It’s not for nothing that dancing is called a vertical manifestation of horizontal impulses!