There is an opinion that all people are actually very lonely. And rarely does anyone manage to truly comprehend true friendship. They also say that friendship can only appear in at a young age while a person does not yet have a family or other obligations. And it ends with the advent of a family and especially children.

What do psychologists think about this? How and where to find a true friend?

This may sound simple and banal, but honestly, we spend most of the time allotted to us in the company of people we do not choose. First, these are our parents and our brothers and sisters, then our classmates and fellow students, and then our colleagues at work. It is in this state of “no choice” that our friends appear. It turns out that the pure chance by which we meet other people determines our choice of friends in the future. After a year of student life, if you ask us to name our friends, as a rule, we name those who sat next to us or in the same row during classes. It’s a coincidence, and only then we choose according to the criteria that unite us - joint efforts to overcome difficulties, joint events, where everyone contributes their share of participation, as well as joint recreation and interests. It is clear that real friends not the same as casual virtual acquaintances. The main property of the Internet is not its expansion. social contacts, but that from now on and forever intimacy implies spiritual intimacy. Distance does not play a role in this case.

Why does it become more difficult over the years to find friends for the rest of your life? Because the value in a relationship is in its history, in the time spent together, in shared experiences, in memories of ups and downs. Our best friends know us better than we know ourselves and believe in us when we have already lost hope. Our own life consists of a union of destinies, those who are next to us. We try to gather around us people who wish us well and do good. Whatever is in our hands - child's a scoop from the sandbox, or a Parker pen - relationships are important, not communications. Hence the conclusion - you need to keep in touch with those with whom you would meet and communicate with pleasure even without the Internet. And you need to take care of your old friends. You can't fool them, even if you fool yourself. You can tell them something that you are not at all proud of, but at the same time you can be proud that you have such friends. When surrounded by friends you feel happier; friends are the people who love us, although they know everything about us.

Why are so many people now lonely and without friends? If a person has difficulty communicating and making friends, then main advice This is making friends with yourself. To start. All our achievements and all our difficulties begin with ourselves and here lies the absence of friends in life, as in early childhood, and in adulthood. Among my close friends, I can tell you about my friend, whom we also met by pure chance, in kindergarten, where we both took our children. My daughter was studying at the time ballroom dancing, she was 5 years old at the time and we needed a boy partner. While talking about this in the locker room, my friend agreed to bring her son to the dance. Our children danced together for no more than 3 months, and our friendship, which began with an ordinary conversation between two mothers, continues to this day. Our children are already 29 years old and already 10 recent years we live in different countries, since my friend’s family moved to Moscow. Despite the distances between us, we have not lost interest in our communication, respect for each other and sincere attention to our joys and sorrows. We have already been able to “eat our share of salt” together and the quality of our relationship is getting better and better. We manage to visit each other, our children see before them an example of such strong friendship of their mothers, and I really consider myself happy topics, what I have close girlfriend named Tatyana, who was next to me both in joy when my daughter got married and in sorrow when I lost my mother. The most valuable thing in friendship is when you can be yourself and not worry that someone might not like you.

Interesting topic for thought. I will voice my understanding of this issue and my attitude.

IN Lately I am increasingly inclined to believe that friendship is a certain form of relationship between people. Built on the basis of mutually beneficial interests.

Accordingly, the more points of contact between people, the “stronger” the friendship. Common interests, common past, events experienced together, emotions, spending time together, etc.

“They also say that friendship can only appear at a young age” - I think this depends less on age, and more on a person’s ability to get closer to other people, to make closer contact. And this happens differently for everyone; for some, this ability is lost with age, while for others it develops. Here, of course, lifestyle and family circumstances, temperament and awareness of existence have their influence.

“How and where to find a true friend?” - you can find him wherever you meet people and get closer. But whether he will become a friend or acquaintance in the future or will not become anyone will depend on the need for you to communicate with this person in this moment, in this situation.

Good friends to you!

The need for communication always exists. We all need communication. and it’s better if it is emotionally warm and rich.

The ability to build friendships is a kind of art, and practice in this begins with childhood. Often the inability to communicate, complexes and fears in communication are transferred to adult life, which gives rise to certain difficulties.

Therefore, parents should be especially attentive to how their child communicates with peers and other people.

Currently, there are many trainings aimed at developing communication skills, sometimes they are very useful.

If you do not have developed communication skills, this does not mean that “all is lost.” Communication skills can be developed and improved. Fears in communication can be overcome.

How? Firstly, yours life experience. You can always rely on him. Analyze: how do people around you react to your behavior, your words? What causes positive reaction, which is negative. Use it.

Secondly, psychological literature. You can find many useful articles on the Internet and many useful books on store shelves.

In general, the ability to be friends is special gift. And those to whom it is given, happy people. You can learn to be friends throughout your life. The main thing is not to forget that friends are given to us in order to learn to live not only for ourselves, but also for others. Friends help you see the main thing and not waste your time on trifles. Friends help us accept ourselves as we are, without embellishment. He who knows how to make friends will never be left without a friend. Develop this gift in yourself and you will always have friends in your life.

We are all truly alone from an existential point of view. We come into this world alone and leave alone. Everyone has to go their own way life path and make life-changing decisions.

It’s good if there are close people nearby with whom you feel warm and comfortable, you can relax and take a break for a while, complain, get understanding and support. Or, on the contrary, have a lot of fun and recharge your energy, rejoice together at someone’s good luck or success. That is, to share both joy and sorrow.

I call true friendship a relationship where there is closeness, sincerity, openness, acceptance, freedom to say “yes” and no”; when you can choose a comfortable psychological distance for today and change it tomorrow. In close relationships there is an opportunity to openly discuss misunderstandings that arise and difficulties, apologizing and being asked for clumsiness and mistakes.

It is easier for parents when a teenager hangs out somewhere on the street or sits at home at the computer than to bring home a whole bunch of friends. And this is completely in vain, since in this way we continue to raise a teenager for whom direct methods of education are no longer effective, and we see with whom he communicates, that is, we control the situation.

The ability to make friends shapes many other human abilities. First of all, it is a willingness to help in Hard time to another person.

And, one of the most important aspects friendship is the “prevention” of loneliness.

The need for friendship is in each of us!

The ability for friendship exists in each of us, but in order for it to manifest itself and develop, another person is needed!

And here there are several options - either to be afraid of close relationships, including friendship, and then find different explanations - there is no time, I don’t believe in the truth of friendship, etc. Or you can openly meet friendship, that is, be a friendly person and ready to be friends, understanding that this is a certain risk - to be vulnerable, but also many advantages - to accept support, to share with your own feelings etc. And then like-minded people will definitely meet on the path of life!

And for what is dear and important to us, we can always find both time and opportunity!

To do this, first of all, you need to work through negative experiences regarding friendly relations, realize the advantages of friendship and have a desire to be friends!

"I do not have friends!" - you say? Turn your gaze to... yourself. It's not about them, those who could become your friend, buddy. It is you who, perhaps, do not need friends, or your views on what a friend should be do not coincide with the views of those with whom you would like to make friends, or you do not know how to build relationships, maintaining the “give-take” balance, or you choose those with whom it is impossible to build friendly relations... There are many options for your loneliness, if a person begins to be “stressed” by the current situation - it is important for him to understand the reasons for this condition of yours - you have a reason, it is unique, perhaps it seems that it is invisible, you can’t feel it, you’re looking in the wrong place where it’s hidden!

From my own experience, from the experience of my parents, I can say with confidence that most people are lucky :) - they have friends, and loyal and bosom ones! And you can make friends at any age: there are those from kindergarten, and those whom you met at the 50th anniversary of a colleague, and at 75 you can meet a youthful man of 72 years old and communicate... and how many years, how many years have been allotted by fate! Be open to communication, but also do not violate the boundaries of the person with whom you want to communicate closely - find that “golden mean” that is comfortable for everyone! A friend is not always the one who will be with you in difficult times (a classic definition of friendship!), but the one who can survive your happiness, be with you when you feel good!! How many friends have disappeared from women who got married or got rich, “fell away” from those who achieved excellent results (“she was a C student, and I was an excellent student”!)!

They are friends with families and friends with their personal friends! There is no need to dare your girlfriends and partners’ friends - this will only harm you! For example, a husband will not always exchange his friends with whom he has traveled, fished, written books, etc. for years - for you :)! Respect the privacy of your partners!

Friends are an integral part of every person's life. The subpersonality “Friend/Girlfriend” is important, just like “woman”, “man”, colleague”, “hostess” and others!

Make friends with... yourself and feel what to do to make friends appear! Those who want to be friends with you will come running, if you like yourself, then others will too!

With the advent of a family, and especially children, friendship does not disappear, but moves to a different level of relationship. And it disappeared... Well, that means it wasn’t friendship!

And a lonely person is born and dies. And in the interim period - he lives and makes friends (including)!

Tell me who you are and I will tell you why you have no friends.

"I do not have friends. Tell me what to do to find them?” - This question, which is usually asked by young people, can often be seen on forums and websites where they provide psychological assistance. And the most common advice given in response is to communicate more. The advice seems to be correct, but it is not suitable for everyone. For some it turns out to be difficult to implement or even “not about that”. The fact is that it is very general, and the reasons why people have the feeling of experiencing a lack of friends are different; behind it are different needs, different motives and life situations. So, before you try to independently correct the current situation in life with a lack of friendship or advise others on how to cope with it, you should pay attention to the situation of a person who is pining for the absence of friends.

Among the variety of situations that lead a person to painful experiences of lack of friends, it is useful to distinguish at least three various types. After all, an accurate understanding of the situation allows you to choose the right strategy for exiting it.

1) Bgoing beyond the established limits during long period life of a stable social circle.

For many people, for a long time Those who are in the same group, where relationships have developed that are quite favorable for their personality, develop a strong attachment to this group. Often circumstances develop in such a way that a person is forced for some reason external reasons, leave her. For example, parents moved to another city, or even to another country, and a person has to go to new school, V new class, or an older person transferred to another institute, switched to new job. There he has to adapt to new formal and informal rules of group interaction, a different way of life. And the members of the new team do not always welcome him with open arms.

The more tightly a person continues to hold on to his past in this situation, the more difficult it is for him to adapt to a new place. He does not notice that he is looking at his new comrades through “skeptical glasses”, constantly comparing old team and the new is not in favor of the new. People naturally feel this mood, and in turn are in no hurry to break the ice of alienation.....

To improve the situation, a person needs to work on letting go of the past and accepting the present, accepting new people, trying to understand them and starting to live here and now. Then friends will appear...

2) Losing my best friend.

A situation where someone had very deep personal relationships with one person, considered him his best friend and suddenly lost this relationship, can arise when a friend died or on his own initiative broke off the relationship. This situation is somewhat similar to the first situation. It also involves a fixation on the good past and non-acceptance of the changes that have occurred in life. However, deeper layers of a person’s personality are affected here, and therefore inner work accepting changes requires greater delicacy and depth, and it should be built according to the same type as working with the loss of loved ones or the breakup of a love relationship.

3) Lack of an appropriate parental model of friendships.

An equally common reason for the painful absence of friends, despite the fact that a person makes truly heroic efforts to find friends, is most often the inappropriate model of friendships that a person learns in his relationships with own parents. After all, it is here that he first learns what it means to be a SIGNIFICANT OTHER for someone - that is, a FRIEND, and also, no less important, what it means to be in a relationship with SIGNIFICANT OTHERS. It is not necessary that the relationship with the parents was “bad”. However, in them the person did not have the opportunity to discover and develop his abilities to be a friend to other people.

Having realized the existence of a problem, you can solve it, find new samples, extract and process bitter experience unsuccessful attempts. If independent attempts do not lead to success for too long, you can turn to a psychologist for help, the main thing is not to give up.

Do you live and fill every day of your existence with specific activities? It seems that communication with the environment has been established and suddenly - bam! Like a bolt from the blue, the realization comes to mind that even though he has a bunch of acquaintances, that same bosom friend or several whom he can rely on in any situation, ask for advice or help, and just have fun, he simply doesn’t.

The question “Why don’t I have friends?” carries different content for people different temperaments and age. For young man it will become a stumbling block in communication with peers, perhaps even a personal tragedy, because society is for of this age important and friendly communication has positive energy for further development in life. But adults will shrug their shoulders: no friend? Well, just think... - the self-sufficiency that manifests itself with age, even selfishness, takes its toll; the need for newly acquired friends and their support disappears.

And this has long been a proven fact: after 30 years, only a few decide on a new global friendship. The formed character and habits do not strive for foreign invasions in the form of a friend: it becomes more difficult for a person to adapt to new things close acquaintance, and therefore many prefer to leave communication at the “just acquaintance” level, and not at all at the friendly level.

The warmth of true friendship

For those for whom the question “Why don’t I have friends?” is relevant. The test will help you find out the causes of the problem, analyze your own behavior and understand why your new friendship is somehow not working out, although you are ready for it.

The best time for friendship. After thirty years, it’s too late to wonder about the lack of friends: the appearance of best friends is the age of children’s potties, teenage years and 20-25 years. For some earlier, for others later, the time comes for “friends by situation” and “just good acquaintances,” but for those who appeared in early period On the contrary, people become closer to friends.
Complexes. No friends? – pay attention to yourself: often a person himself imposes restrictions on friendly communication. His own complexes do not give him freedom in society: stuttering, vanity, slowness, etc. make a person unattractive in his own eyes and not conducive to making friends.
Suspiciousness and internal self-doubt are things that little people think about and are considered an almost insurmountable obstacle. Do people laugh in the company? - probably above me. Whispering in the corners? - They are probably discussing my shortcomings. There is a catch and humiliation in everything - how can you decide to make friends under such conditions? The only way out will be work on yourself and an attentive attitude towards people: laughter in company is natural, people can laugh at anything, and not at all at your hairstyle or backpack.

Lack of time. With age (we are not talking about retirement yet), a person’s workload increases with every month and year lived - long hours of work and building a career, family and family responsibilities, children growing and demanding attention take up almost all the time, there is no time to find new friends and maintain friendly relations with them.
Suddenly released free time middle-aged people prefer to spend on passive leisure - reading a book, watching a movie from the collection, visiting beauty salons, or active - classes in gym, jogging, traveling.

6. High demands. The formed character does not allow “people from the street” into his immediate circle: young desires to get to know everyone are a thing of the past, priorities change, outsiders are practically examined with a magnifying glass. If they do not meet expectations, potential “friends” are rejected, and communication with them not only does not develop into friendship, but also threatens to stop altogether.

7. Invisible barrier. He is able to grow between those closest to him old friends: the quality of friendship is not measured by the number of years lived in it, it is determined by the characters, life goals and position, desire for further communication.

8. Friendship has ceased to be a necessity or never was. No friends? – perhaps they are simply not needed. There are people belonging to the sociopathic group who do not need bosom friends. Neutral, even communication with their environment is enough for them without friendly gatherings over a cup of tea or too much latest news And joint recreation Outdoors.

After analyzing the factors considered, move on to a positive solution to the friendship problem or accept it and do not try to forcefully make friends.

What to do if you have no friends

If the body becomes feverish at the thought of a new person appearing in one’s close circle, then the very concept of “friendship” is stress for a person. Painful friendly communication will not lead to anything positive, and this is a character trait: for such people, we admit the fact that they simply do not need the friendship that is glorified everywhere. If a person is not tormented by loneliness and lack of friends, then the question is closed.

It’s another matter if there is a need for friendship, but there are no friends. But here, as in love, you cannot force yourself to be nice - you cannot make a friend without fail today just because the need for him suddenly arose.

If the time of school friendship, which usually arises due to circumstances (one Sport section, desk neighbors, dance club, etc.), is over, but there are no friends - change own attitude to friendship.

Psychologists have recognized three things that are necessary for friendship to occur:

Soulful intimacy. This point explains Aristotle’s statement: “A friend is one soul living in two bodies.”
Unplanned and rewarding interactions.
Complete trust.

Given the existing complexes, characteristics of behavior and perception of the world, it is possible to find friends for years, while the search new friendship turns into an exciting adventure - you just need to leave the house and communicate with people with similar interests.

Go where the people are: interest groups in in social networks, dance and sports classes, get a dog (dog lovers instantly find topics for conversation), a new hobby, volunteering - increased social energy gives chances for a friend when you don’t expect.

This thought seems to have been sitting in my head since I turned 13. I had a clear idea of ​​how I would do it. But curiosity always won (Or maybe tomorrow will be different?). And now I seem to have lost hope for a ghostly tomorrow. There is no life. I’m 23, but I feel like I’m 80. I’m lonely, very lonely. I have no friends (at all), not in the sense, no ones I can trust, but none at all. No one has ever cared for me loved me like a woman (or never told me this), I remain silent for weeks (literally) because I have no one to talk to. I don’t like my job, I don’t even have a secret unrequited love, because of which you can suffer and at least somehow feel the presence of emotions inside yourself. I’m not interested in waking up. I’m bored with books, I’ve read an incredible amount of them, but they don’t captivate me. Food, clothing stores, music... All this and much more is simply indifferent. The only feeling I experience is emptiness. I feel it physically inside and outside. It seems that everything that forms the basis of human life - home, family, work, hobbies, friends don’t exist for me. Some for objective reasons, but others I just don’t want. More precisely, I don’t want anything. I just want to sleep. I think all of this - a good reason don’t delay this decision, which has been put off for so long until later. Nothing will happen next. I haven’t lived with my parents for a long time, they are no longer accustomed to me, they have grandchildren (my brother’s children) and, therefore, it will be difficult for them to survive my departure, of course, but they will already have consolation. Apart from this, there is not a single reason to stay, and even this one is not so compelling.
Support the site:

Winged, age: 23/30/04/2013

Responses:

I don’t see more than one message about the church! When a person can’t bear to feel bad, he ALWAYS
turns to God, but it turns out you didn’t even try, no matter how pleasant it is for you
I heard that you just cry and do nothing! Why are you not playing any sports?
not working out? Maybe you have ideal figure? Or communication is unnecessary, new
acquaintance? God help you!

Vadim, age: 55 / 05/01/2013

You have simply convinced yourself that death is such an eternal, serene sleep. A
Are you ready, for example, for eternal suffering? The last thing you think about right now is probably
about whether there is life after death. But there is a lot of evidence
people who have suffered clinical death, and they claim that the life of the soul, consciousness,
beyond the threshold of bodily death continues. So you won’t be able to run away from yourself. But what
will this be for life? Can you bear it? Will it be the same
the relative peace that you seem to be experiencing now? If not, if
it will be an eternity of unbearable torment - are you ready for this?
Here is a story from “practical cases”: my neighbor’s husband died from a serious illness,
and she fell into such melancholy and apathy that she began to say that she also wanted to quickly
to die, and that she has nothing to live for. She decided to go to the country for the weekend. When
returned, she saw that her apartment had been robbed, on the chair lay a bunch of things from
closet, and on top a huge wrench. If she had returned earlier, she would have
with a key and would most likely have been killed. And after that she immediately wanted to live, and
Thoughts of death no longer visited her.

Olya, age: 42 / 05/01/2013

Good day! The constant (and only) desire to sleep against the background of general indifference to life is an obvious sign of clinical depression. This is a disease, it must be treated!!! Contact a specialist! And it will be different!!! This is the way out. Try it. I sincerely wish you good luck!

Lana, age: 25? / 05/01/2013

Hey, Winged! Spread your wings! 23 years is too early!!! It’s too early to think about this, and it’s stupid!!! You need a shake-up, Winged One! I don’t know how it will manifest itself, but it’s needed! I hope for your prudent, bold steps! Turn it all around! Suicide is sad, pathetic bullshit! (sorry for the word). Bravely go into battle, friend, “we will always make it there.” P.S. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, if you’re in this mood, there’s nothing to lose, at least fight... I hug you, take care of yourself and be friends with your head! Everything will be alright!!! With uv. Valery

Valery, age: 37 / 05/01/2013

Winged, wait, we always have time to die, what's the hurry? It will be there too
you can’t run away from yourself. This is a state inside your soul. Have you tried praying?
Now only this will save you. Read the prayer canon to the Mother of God. Right now I don’t even
I know what to advise. Only God can fill such a void. Everyone has it, and
I also feel terrible pain and emptiness. Someone eats it up, chats it up, reads it out... And you
pray for it. This is more thorough. Many who have: friends, family, and other attributes
a happy life is just as empty. That’s not the point. What happened at 13? Maybe you should
see a doctor? Maybe lungs sedatives on herbs? Definitely to the temple
necessary (Orthodox). Or find yourself a new activity, dancing, go to a massage, to a salon
beauty, in! on a pilgrimage trip... change your day every time, do your own
life. This may not save you from emptiness, but it will bring newness into your life, and then maybe
and something will change inside. Please live.

L, age: 30 / 05/01/2013

Hello, sorry I don't know your name. You know this condition happens to many people. But life is not worth it. Something is constantly changing. Even the longest winter passes, and even the longest prison sentence ends. You can always leave, but you will never come back. I had such conditions many times, but I understood that if I left, it would be even worse, because even in the Church there is no funeral service for suicides. When I felt bad, I picked up a book called Father Arseny. And I felt better. In short. This book is a memoir about Stalin's camps. About the conditions of detention, the stench of criminality, constant beatings, hunger, death. About how people survived there. how they wanted to live on. This priest had many spiritual children who, like him, went through the camps. From intellectual to thief in law. Readable in one go. I understand that my problems are nothing compared to the suffering of those people. And what? If I were in their place, I would probably consider it happiness to have the worldly problems that I have now. This book helps me. Read it, I think you will look at many things differently.

Passerby, age: 35 / 05/01/2013

Hello. I also have no friends, or rather, those whom I thought were no longer friends. There is a very familiar feeling about the emptiness inside; sometimes it comes upon you and you don’t know what to do next. But still, you shouldn’t end it all with suicide. Just be patient, everything will work out, really. I know it’s difficult, but still believe and move on with your life. It's strange how it turns out. Previously, others died at the front for us so that we could live, but for some reason we don’t want to. We have everything, but we want to die ourselves...

Alex, age: 25 / 05/01/2013

Winged, maybe you have depression? And I think that’s most likely the case
yes. Distract yourself to something more positive. I understand your condition, how
no one else, probably. Because such a mess often happens in my own
head that I myself am getting confused in life and confusing the people around me!! Do something -
anything that could distract you. And the fact that no one loved you is not yet
catastrophe. I, too, also felt such love that it took my breath away
:-)) People were interested in me, at one time they paid attention to me, but now sometimes
look in my direction, but somehow I don’t remember being truly loved (I
I mean the love of a man). Or maybe there was someone seriously in love with me, but I
I just don’t know about this... Well... my secret suitor kept silent about it! So with you, maybe
maybe similar. How do you know that no one loved you at all! Or maybe
I loved you, but I didn’t tell you about it, I chickened out, and then it was too late, my own life
has developed. You know, situations develop differently! So don’t do hasty
conclusions. Think, is everything so bad? I think not. As for the parents, but you
you convinced yourself that they would quickly find a replacement for you in your brother’s grandchildren, because
every child for normal parents in my own way expensive, in that including their children
children. Here I have cousin died of an accident, he has a wife
left, his daughter. Do you think his mother still doesn’t mourn him? Yes, she still has
his daughter, her granddaughter. Yes, life goes on, there is someone to live for, but this is still
does not mean that she has calmed down and does not experience the pain of loss to this day
day. Think about it. Often parents simply do not show their feelings or
show them somehow in their own way, or something!, but it seems to the children that their parents are giving
preference for a brother or sister, for example... And friends, girlfriends... so it’s with
will come to you in time. Friends and girlfriends don’t immediately become friends like that and
friends. Friendships are formed through mistakes and trials. For example, I had to
I was severely burned several times before I realized that some of those I was with
I was friends, but they weren’t my friends. But a place has freed up in my life and I don’t lose
hope that someone will become more than a friend for me. Don’t lose hope and don’t
give up prematurely. It’s not as scary as it seems at first glance. And
for any dead end question or to a deadlock situation sooner or later always
there will be an answer or explanation. Hold on, I’m with you! Since you called yourself Winged, then
fly, don't fall, and fly with your head held high above all your
difficulties, experiences along with your gloomy and obsessive thoughts!

Aigulena, age: 36 / 05/01/2013

Good day! It happens, at twenty I felt like I was 80 years old.
Now I’m surprised: I’m almost forty... I don’t feel it at all... Everything is different here.
There are women who simply blossom and become better with age. We
with you from this category, apparently.
I’m surprised: in my youth there was no one to talk to, but now it’s a wide circle
communication. There were compliments from men and women feminine side, which did not exist before and
in sight. Somehow I didn’t work specifically on my appearance, nor on my communication.
But I always tried to understand how to live in harmony with myself and with the world. Watched
kind good people. I was especially interested in how these people behave in
difficult situations for me (in the company strangers, For example. Or when
Some boor loudly called you names.) I analyzed and adopted some things.
My first love almost broke me. I was already thinking about bad things. Then to God
I began to mentally reach out and ask for help. I got relief. You need to live, not
passively wait “for something to change.”
You feel bad at heart. Have you ever thought that there are very specific
the laws by which the life of the soul flows? You do it more or less - and everything is much better
It's getting better. The first thing is to benefit someone, to take care of someone,
to please. Whether you want it or not, you need to demand some things from yourself.
It's just necessary. How to exercise now so that you don’t have to go to hospital in old age
suffer, and bask in the sun on a bench... Now it’s “I don’t care,” but how
If you get sick, it won’t matter, I assure you.
You have relatives - help. There are nephews - communicate, take them to
excursions, to the theaters, and parents will be happy to relax and do their own business. All
You will be happy with the result, including you. Family relationships will be stronger.
There are unfortunate patients, there are homeless dogs, and so on. Just need somewhere
kiss, see that help is needed.
You are very mistaken in thinking that your parents don’t care about you. Just go to an adult
the person (you) is somehow not comfortable. Moreover, they rightfully expect attention from you. Already
it’s your turn to take care of them, be there for them, ask about their well-being...
If you can’t cope at all, then it’s better to consult a doctor, don’t delay,
Serious depression must be treated. But you also need to look for something yourself,
look for ways to stop being unhappy and find your balance.

Elena Ordinary, age: 37 / 05/01/2013

You need to move as much as possible!
You need to walk more often, preferably in the sun.
Book a manicure, go to the pool
In general, you also need to take care of yourself.
Take vitamins.
Depression is well treated with sweets, sun and movement.
I never had any friends at all!
The relationship just doesn't turn into a friendship, that's all. Does not work. Guests never
come - because no one.
Apart from my son and husband, not a single friend. There’s no one to even call and chat with.
The mobile phone is generally silent, I use it for hours :))
And I don’t regret it. T.N. friends - this is a huge waste of time, and besides, it’s a loss
money (they ask for a loan), they demand participation in their problems... I judge this by my husband.
constantly solving friends' problems...
Most best friend - own child. He always loves his mother and rejoices in her so that
neither happened.
You can also go to church for confession (it helps a lot!)
Prayer helps.
Girl, I'm sure you are a wonderful person. Don't be upset, everything will be fine
good :) You have parents, a brother, nephews - you see what big family -
you are very lucky, you are loved. And why are there no friends - they are friends! More often
get together, walk together.
Watch the series - " Family bonds" :) helps a lot
Good luck to you!

Ekaterina, age: 35 / 05/01/2013

Well, first of all, there is a reason to stay...
Secondly, we all have the wrong idea about life, imposed on us by the media, etc...
Your problems are very familiar to me... The only thing that helped me was that I prayed to God and started reading the Gospel...
Just understand that without God everything is nothing...
Develop yourself inside, go to church, ask God to help you...
As life changes on the inside, it will slowly begin to change on the outside...just be prepared for it to happen slowly.
For some, youth is the most happy time, and for some it’s the darkest...
You don’t know what will happen next... The main thing is to live, observe this life in all its manifestations... After all, if you look, then everything around us is a miracle... just walk around alone beautiful places, where you feel calm... because how beautiful the rain, sunset, birdsong are...
Friends, family, children... etc. - yes, all this is probably wonderful, but it’s far from the meaning of life... look how many people who have this are unhappy...
you just need to learn to perceive this life philosophically...
Just live, pray to God, act according to your conscience... and don’t worry about failures in standard things that are supposedly important...
I know your problem from the inside, so I understand perfectly well what you feel... but believe me, you just need to endure... you need to survive this problem with dignity... don’t look for close people, develop yourself... and life will change...
You are now at a turning point, at which it may seem that nothing good will happen... but every life is individual, and beautiful in its own way...
Read more church literature, there is also a lot of good material on this site...
Find a volunteer help center...you can help either children, or do some work in your free time...it really helps you feel needed...the main thing is not to come there to get acquainted, but to help...
Pray to God and He will arrange everything...
Smile, everything will be fine)

Age: - / 05/01/2013

Hello, my name is Anna, I understand perfectly what you are talking about. I believe that in this case you need to find something you love. Remember yourself, because you once dreamed of something and wanted to make it come true. Well, go ahead, go for it!) To be honest, I would like to meet you, but I don’t know if this is possible?!)

Anna, age: 19 / 05/02/2013

Hello. I would also really like to meet you. Of course, there is nothing good in your condition, but your views on life and things are very interesting. It's not often you meet such a girl. Regarding your problems: sports, hobbies, entertainment, new acquaintances (through I can’t do everything and everything passes, just try). Good luck.

Dima, age: 25 / 05/02/2013

Hello! I understand you. I’m 23 and the situation is similar((I would really like
chat...I hope you do too.

Polina, age: 23 / 05/04/2013

I’m not sure that, due to my age, I can give the correct answer, but if you have nothing to lose, perhaps you should do something you’ve never dared to do? Only recently I was thinking about how wonderful life is, how much bright colors in life, etc., and then I realized that I had no friends, and no people with whom I was interested in communicating...
P.s.: I myself don’t know how I got here. I just Googled “what to do if I don’t have friends,” although I already realized that it doesn’t matter, because what you want will happen. In any case, I wish you good luck and hope that this apathy will pass and you will live good life full bright emotions and love.

Veronica, age: 14 / 21.06.2014

When you're in last time made a new friend? Not a friend to exchange jokes at work, but really loved one the one you called would V difficult situation. If you're over 20, you've probably wondered what to do if you don't have friends.

Suspects: work, family, “little time”

Many people guess why friendship fades into the background with age. We are building a career 40 hours a week, we have a family and children, but there is no time left for everything else.

Study How Do Women Spend Their Time?, conducted by Real Simple and the Families and Work Institute, found that 52% of women ages 25 to 54 have fewer than 90 free minutes per day, and 29% of women have fewer than 45 minutes. That's not enough to even watch an episode of Game of Thrones, let alone create friendships.

It is unlikely that these indicators are very different for men.

When a person reaches the middle of his life, his youthful impulses to explore everything disappear irrevocably. Priorities change and people often become picky about their friends.

Alex Williams, reporter for The New York Times

No matter how wide your inner circle, fatalism spares no one. Adolescence and my student years are behind me. Now the time has come for “friends by situation” or just good acquaintances.

When people become adults, it is as if an invisible barrier appears between them. They get to know each other, have fun, but don’t spend as much time together as before.

As people age, they are less likely to have sex friendly relations. At the same time, they become closer with the friends they already have.

Laura L. Carstensen, professor of psychology at Stanford University

She suggested that the human psyche reacts to significant life events, this includes the date of 30 years. The realization comes that life is shortening. It's time to stop learning new things, we need to devote more attention to what is here and now.

Friends are no longer needed for survival

Another reason why we have difficulty expanding our inner circle in late age: This is no longer a necessity. In youth, friendship is an important part of personal and social development. We need friends to understand who we really are and how to decide.

Of course, no one thinks about this when making friends at school. We are not particularly picky and start being friends just like that. Do you sit at the same desk with me and also hate the teacher? High five!

Once personality is formed, we need something more to become friends. Circumstances alone are no longer enough. You may have the same problems and views with a person, you will share them, and then go your separate ways and only politely greet each other.

What can you do about it?

It would seem, well, okay, why new friends, because there are old ones. But if an adult loses his previous connections, what to do then?

Many of us are missing three important things in our lives: spiritual closeness, repeated unplanned interactions and . Can't build without them strong relationships. So if you're around 30, you can't make real friends anymore? Not at all.

Tracy Moore, a writer at Jezebel, suggests that you just need to change your attitude: “Let's say you moved to new town and you have no friends there. Or old friends now seem so impudent that you are even surprised how you communicated with them over the past 10 years. In any case, you should perceive the search for buddies as an exciting quest.”

Of course, you need to get out of the house and communicate with people with similar interests.

Here are some examples:

• look for thematic meetings in your city, for example, through communities of interest to you on social networks;
• sign up for courses: dancing, yoga, decorating master classes, wrestling;
• get and walk with other owners and their pets;
• travel, come up with a new hobby, sign up as a volunteer.

Strive to where life is in full swing. Chat with different people. It is quite possible that you will find a friend when you least expect it.

There are also advantages

No matter how difficult it may be to expand your inner circle as an adult, the game is worth the candle. Mature friendships have many advantages over children's friendships:

• your relationship will be based on common interests that may not have existed while studying at school or university;
• no restrictions: make friends with big difference aged or on the Internet;
• friendship will be more relaxed: an adult is unlikely to be offended because he knows that everyone has things to do;
• you will begin to value time with loved ones more.

Once you know yourself, new friendships can become deeper than those you left behind. school years. And like any a good relationship, over time they will become deeper and stronger.

The first thing you need to do is get rid of pessimistic thoughts: “I have no friends, no one needs me.” Stop. Declare yourself to the world, and let them not think that you are a gray mass, let them hear about you. Try to attend social events. Get used to being around a lot of people. Do you have a hobby or passion? If not, then you need to figure it out. Sign up for fitness, dancing, a handicraft club, a swimming pool, or any sports activity, in a literary circle - as long as you like it. There you will meet many new acquaintances. A common interests will help you get closer. After all general occupation, this is a ready-made, inexhaustible topic for a friendly conversation, and then friendship is not far off.

How about charity? Do good deeds. Kindness attracts kindness. Ask to be a volunteer. There you will definitely meet worthy people. Such friends and acquaintances - a real gift heaven So, are you looking for friends in right place. Besides joint work unites. Exactly what is needed.

If you have difficulty communicating, start dating online. It's much easier. It is believed that when communicating with a new person it is difficult to make eye contact. The Internet solves this problem. Just don't take it virtual communication for an alternative. This is just a stage of communication to hone your skills, start getting acquainted and continue it with a meeting in reality.

Now it's time to deal with psychological side question. Often the lack of friends is explained precisely by psychological problems and here are some tips on this matter:

Take kindness as a rule. It's no secret that people love those who love them. But this should not be intrusive. If you immediately attack a potential friend, he will run away from you faster than he will understand what kind of person you are. Sincerity is important in communication; many people clearly detect falsehood. You need a friendly smile, lightness, and sincere interest in your interlocutor. Ask what he likes, what hobbies he has in his life, listen more than you talk. And under no circumstances interrupt your interlocutor, have a conscience, listen to the end, and then speak yourself.

If you are invited to visit, do not think of refusing, it is the doubts in you that are telling you. But they are of no use. If you can come to new company. You still can’t guess how the day will turn out. But it is better to regret what happened than to be tormented by what did not happen.

We're spoiled bad people, who offended and humiliated us, were unfriendly. But that’s their problem, you need to not dwell on bad experiences. People are different. And so that you no longer get upset and think that “I have no friends,” try to find contact with people, and remember that not all doors are locked. You can definitely find one that will be pleasant to go to. Sometimes you will remember the time when you sadly said, “I have no friends.” But these will only be memories.