Male pride is an area of ​​consciousness that, if touched, can undermine faith in one’s own strength and completely destroy one’s priorities. It does not matter whether the ego of the stronger sex was hurt intentionally or unintentionally. But if such situations are repeated frequently, we can speak with a high degree of confidence about the imminent death of the union. Even the calmest men who submissively obey women sooner or later come to the decision to break off the relationship. Experienced specialists give their recommendations on how not to hurt a man’s ego.

The essence of the concept

Male self-esteem is formed throughout a man's life. A representative of the stronger sex is born to become a conqueror, protector and breadwinner. Nature created him strong and courageous, capable of finding a worthy partner for procreation, protecting her from the attacks of other suitors, and also providing the woman with a roof over her head and food for food. These functions are a priority for any male individual and do not depend on his upbringing and desires. Everything is inherent in a guy’s mind by nature, so the slightest violation of boundaries or ignoring his main functions on the part of a woman is met with hostility.

Basic types of behavior of a woman

There are two ways to hit male pride. It's about about conscious and unconscious provocation on the part of a woman. The first and second options are radically different from each other:

1. Deliberate provocation. This is the style of behavior of a woman who tries to keep everything under control. She sees everything and understands perfectly well that the man is unpleasant with her comments or sarcastic clarifications. By doing this on purpose, the girl achieves the complete destruction of the man as an individual, in order to establish her own unspoken rules. A woman mistakenly believes that she can thus keep her husband close to her for a period of time. long period. The man will consider himself completely dependent on her and will not go anywhere. You will have to disappoint the lady, because sooner or later the guy will find strength in himself and will definitely break out from under oppression. The only justification can be a situation where a woman did not value the relationship and deliberately hurt the man’s pride in order to break up as quickly as possible.
2. Unintentional provocation. This is about misbehavior a woman who tries to increase her self-esteem at the expense of her partner. She is confident that she is right and does not notice the moment when she begins to cross the line of what is permitted. At the same time, the girl sincerely loves the guy and does not understand what exactly she is doing wrong. Most often, such relationships end in separation, and both partners experience severe disappointment. To prevent this from happening, you should consider the most common mistakes in the behavior of representatives of the fair sex.

Mistake No. 1. Comments in front of strangers

To the question of how to hurt a man’s pride without even noticing it, there is one answer: constantly making comments to a guy in the presence of strangers. Some women naively believe that for better effect and motivation to action, a man must be shamed in front of friends or relatives. For example, a guy doesn’t bring in a very large salary or forgets (or doesn’t know how) to fix the plumbing in the house. The girl voices her complaints so that her partner feels ashamed, and upon returning home, he literally starts troubleshooting or looking for new job.

It's safe to say that a man would never do this. Even if he considers the remark to be true, agreement will infringe on his male pride. He will fundamentally and demonstratively do everything the other way around, since strangers have learned about his insolvency, and his other half has become the initiator of the whole action.

How to avoid this mistake

Never voice your complaints when strangers, do not make comments, do not pull back. Such behavior looks unworthy, since it insults not only the beloved man, but also all strangers. Nobody likes to be present at personal “showdowns”. A reasonable decision would be to praise your man or even attribute to him achievements that do not yet exist. For example, say (if asked about it) that the salary is still small, but the guy is doing everything to increase it. The man simply did not have time for broken plumbing; he will fix the faucet this coming weekend. Be sure that your beloved will try to justify the trust placed in him and will immediately begin to correct the situation.

Mistake No. 2. Ignoring a man’s decisions

If you constantly challenge or simply ignore the decisions of a representative of the stronger sex, a blow to male pride is guaranteed. A man always claims to be the head of the family, and this is normal according to all generally accepted canons. He is obliged to support his family and do the hardest work. But what to do if this function is constantly not performed by him, and the woman is forced to bear everything on herself? Even this serious situation does not give a woman the right not to listen to her partner’s point of view. If she neglects his advice and focuses only on her decisions, the guy will stop taking the initiative altogether. He will decide that he is being neglected as a man, and will go looking for those women from whom he can gain recognition.

Never argue with a man about his point of view and do not impose your ideas. He sees the situation in his own way and has every right to do so. If the guy’s proposal is absurd and there is no way to agree with him, you need to use all your feminine charm and tactfully offer your option. By loyally explaining all the benefits of your choice, you can get a stunning result. The guy will decide that this idea came to him. You shouldn’t disappoint him, let him think so, and you can give yourself an “excellent” for the wise behavior of a loving partner.

Mistake #3: Remembering ex-lovers

A reaction that will clearly show that a man’s pride has been hurt will follow after the mention of a former lover. This can manifest itself in the form of upset, irritation and even aggression. Any man is an owner at heart, and it is terribly painful for him to realize that his woman was loved by other men. Memories that the previous one was good can provoke the emergence of inferiority complexes. Conversations about how bad things were with your ex-lover will be less painful, but still unpleasant. Constant comparisons will definitely lead to separation.

You should not voice your memories of something that has long passed, because it looks unconvincing. If it was so good with your ex, why aren't you still together? Or did his image become ideal after the breakup? You need to understand that such memories hurt. current partner and irritate his ego. Girls need to put themselves in their boyfriend’s shoes, and it is recommended to return to the past only when necessary. You won't be able to create healthy jealousy; you can only harm your current relationship.

Mistake #4: Making fun of men

Wounded male pride occurs due to ridicule from a woman. Each representative of the stronger sex has memories coming from childhood. He was small and didn’t know how to do much; he had to learn everything gradually. It's about strength, courage, experience. Today the guy wants to feel like a brave defender, and wants to forget periods of insolvency forever. That is why it is very painful for him to realize that the woman he loves sees his weaknesses. The man feels humiliated and begins to defend himself. A simple unobtrusive joke can become a reason for a serious conflict (not to mention serious things).

A simple remark in a joking manner can create a situation where a man’s pride is hurt. Psychologists advise what a woman who does not want to offend her lover should do. You should not focus on the joke or repeat it twice; you need to translate the topic of the conversation as correctly as possible. Show with all your appearance that the conversation is in a humorous form and in no way pretends to be sarcasm. In order not to offend your man in the future, you need to be extremely attentive to your words. A categorical ban lies on the topic of appearance, discussion of his family members, intimate possibilities, favorite hobbies, etc. Jokes in any form on this topic lead to conflicts or even separations.

Mistake No. 5. Authoritarian behavior of women

Very often, representatives of the fairer sex forget about their purpose and try to completely take the reins of power into their own hands. It happens that a woman hurts a man’s pride with her commander’s ambitions and doesn’t even notice it. This common habit of considering exclusively one’s own point of view, not taking into account the partner’s opinion, and morally suppressing it leads to significant aggravation of relationships.

A man strives to protect his beloved, dreams of being her only salvation in all situations. And she doesn’t even allow him to take care of herself, since only she prefers to decide when and to what extent she needs it.

You should not change roles, as this will not lead to good. A man will endure the suppression of his ego for the time being: either he cannot stand it and leaves, or he will turn into a spineless person. Such a development of the situation will definitely not suit the girl, since male functions she doesn't have enough strength. If you want to see your relationship harmonious, each partner should remain in their positions and not interfere with someone else’s territory.

Mistake No. 6. Showdown

Representatives of the fair sex love to sort things out. As a result of multiple conversations, the woman realizes that she has hurt the man’s pride. What to do in a situation where your partner does not want to find out who is right and who is wrong? A woman must understand that a man’s psychology is fundamentally different from feminine logic. The guy is used to acting, not reasoning, and all discussions of personal problems seem ridiculous and pointless to him. He wants to hear the call specific action, rather than listening to multiple claims.

What to do in this case?

If a woman is an amateur, she needs to constantly be prepared for mutual confrontation with her partner. For example, she wants to talk about a topic that interests her, which concerns the analysis of a past not very good situation. The man is categorically against “useless waste of time on stupid conversations.” The girl begins to insist on talking, gets nervous, insults or touches her partner’s pride. Such clarifications lead to inevitable separation. Therefore, girls should remember that the analysis of events and feelings can be entrusted to a friend or mother, but not to her lover, since conversations in large quantities he won't bear it.

Mistake #7: Manipulation

A man's pride can be hurt when a guy realizes that he is being manipulated. Each representative of the stronger sex can apply a lot of effort to achieve a certain result. He tries to look after, help, pay attention to the girl and fulfill all her whims in order to achieve own goal. Typically this goal is intimate relationships because (in the man's opinion) sex is proof female love. He perceives any signs of attention from the girl as a call to action. But when the guy realizes that he was used, the whole world falls out from under his feet. This hurts his pride because it hurts him manhood.

You shouldn't humiliate a man's pride. If there are no plans for development Serious relationships, the girl must behave accordingly. It is not recommended to accept gifts, ask for help or behave controversially (excessively flirtatious, hinting or flirting). Otherwise, you can provoke indignation or even aggression on the part of the guy and hear a lot of unpleasant things about yourself. A man’s wounded pride will allow him to be very inventive in his revenge, so you should be wary of such actions.

Conclusion

Women who dream of harmonious, long-term relationships with representatives of the stronger sex need to know how to please the male pride of their chosen ones. To do this, you need to understand them, treat them with respect, praise them more often and love them more. No guy will remain indifferent to a girl who appreciates him. But don’t forget about the feeling self-esteem. After all, only equal, tender and sensitive relationships will support the fire of love throughout life.

“You communicate, but he doesn’t ask you out on a date? Do you sit and wait for him in the evenings?.. Apparently, he just wanted to “scratch his pride” about you. With some of our brothers, you can’t run ahead of the locomotive, but you don’t need to live in a standby mode either...”

Male friendly revelation.

Terrible phrase, right? “Scratch your pride” - is it really possible to do this to a living, warm person, or more precisely, to a woman in love? But no matter how much you lament, for girls the most important laws of relationships remain two - do not wait for a man and do not rush to open your heart. Let's start with the last point.

“I’ve arrived. Saw. Won"

Girls who are overwhelmed by love are equally naive: almost from the very threshold they ask a man “why do you need me?” Who will tell the truth, especially if he himself does not know it? The most advanced ones are able to say something like: “To love, marry and care.” But we don’t advise you to immediately believe in the seriousness of your intentions; most likely, they will bully you, having picked up the basics of pick-up artistry. An honest answer would be: “You like it, but we’ll see.” But will he suit a woman at the peak of romance?

Less pleasant answers: “To get laid,” “To wipe your ex’s nose,” “Tired of being alone.” However, you will never hear the most honest and terrible motive - to win. Alas, there are enough men in the world burdened with complexes and grievances towards former women. They are like characters in a joke - “that’s how they would take revenge.” And these vendetta-hungry men come to defeat - you. In love, trembling, ready to surrender without asking.

Now it’s clear why it’s worth slowing down and extinguishing your sympathy? To begin with, figure out what the guest came with.

Touches to the portrait

It is not difficult to recognize the “winner”: he is as soon as possible will go through your pain points. “Oh, you are so delicious, plumpness suits you” - it seems like a compliment, but those with ears will hear the background. Or: “Didn’t make a career? No matter how old you are.” And here’s another: “You seem to be beautiful and smart. But why did you forget on the dating site, fate isn’t working out?” It is worth making it clear that the “pin” has achieved its goal, and he will continue to undermine your self-esteem - for the sake of his victory.

Another favorite weapon of the “avenger” is reproaches. You are sitting, working, and an SMS arrives from a new gentleman:

"I bought a vacuum cleaner." A reasonable question is - why? The man replies: “So that you know how to take care of your man, otherwise you didn’t remember even once this morning!” Clever, right? It seems that a vacuum cleaner, as a symbol of a cloudless life, should give you hope for this very life. But you didn’t notice the main thing - the reproach. You forgot. They didn’t write it, they left it without a verbal “smack”. Ugly, cold, who needs you anyway...

The tougher way is to find out your expectations and deceive them. Did you want love and family? After a month of enthusiastic dating, he will say: “I’m not ready.” Did you want an easy connection? You will soon hear that you are an unworthy madam, as soon as the earth bears such people... Whatever your desires, you will be refused. The man’s goal is simple: to offend, to cause stupor, to “break off”. And that’s it, you are bad and defeated. But he still scratched his ego about you.

"Wait for me"

Making an enchanted woman wait is another way to belittle her. After all, as you know, they are waiting for high-ranking persons and the most dear people. The new chosen one has not yet become close to you, but he is not too concerned about this - it is much more important to make you sit like a wooden idol, waiting for news, a sign of attention, a visit. Be wary if your chosen one arranges dates in such a way that you have to get to the middle of nowhere and wait in a restaurant while this holy man lingers. Or he “feeds” promising glances and pauses with meaning, as if a confession is about to be heard. Or he slows down with events that are inherently implied at your stage of the relationship. Or simply gets in touch at unilaterally: you are always available to him, and he says “not now,” “busy,” “come on later.”

Of course, force majeure with delays and busyness have not been canceled - in reasonable doses. But when this diet is fed to you regularly, there is reason to think. The fact is that normal men(and people in general) find it distressing and unnerving when their behavior causes discomfort to someone. Why, sometimes people are even afraid to be late for their cat or dog, knowing that he is waiting and bored. And here are some stupid games with a beautiful good girl.

And who is the “player”? A complex type with an itchy ego.

Prevention and treatment

As you know, it’s easiest to mess up in a hurry, and we all rush when we’re in love and want to full speed ahead jump on the train leading to happiness. Stop, you will always make it there, with or without a partner, so there is no need to take risks. Your allies are self-confidence, self-esteem and calmness. From friends, parents and good people you’ve heard a lot about your merits, that’s great: this is the foundation on which you will build wisely and thoroughly normal relationship. And a neurotic looking for a trainer for his own complexes should wait by the sea for good weather.

We all tell each other so often I love you. Trying to amaze each other with their eloquence and impress each other with the wealth of their reserve of tender and beautiful words, which our EGO loves so much. Or appease with a gift, sometimes without even thinking about the true impulse of this or that action. We so love to please our pride and grow our EGO, saying how attentive and loving I am, trying to maintain our fictitious illusion of happiness and well-being. Not realizing the true meaning of your beautiful words and the same actions. And, perhaps, this whole “Fairy Tale” would have continued if it had been reality. For some reason, we only wake up when shock or misfortune enters our lives like lightning. And the whole true essence of things, our words and actions, immediately appears. The “Fairy Tale” disappeared like smoke, and you see what is behind all this beautiful foil of flattering words and actions. And this is Pain - the cry of the Soul, which is simply trying with all its might to attract attention to itself, and to free itself from all this tinsel and the shackles of vanity that our EGO so loves to enjoy. Who has a bigger house, who has a salary, who has a cooler car, who has more things, and a cooler label, who has Versace, who has Gabbana, how many people love me and are ready to do anything to continue to please my vanity and feed my EGO. And few people think about true feelings and the true power of love, why are we here? Who are we?
Why do we need to lose to understand all this? And to lose the most precious and beloved, and of course this is not money, not cars or dresses from Gabbana.....it’s people!!! By inflating our EGO, we squeeze our Soul. We are so concerned about our own royal persona that we don’t care about the feelings of our family and friends. And then we try to hide our mistakes by deceiving others, not realizing that we are lying to ourselves! Fearing someone's condemnation, we forget what we are actually here for. Forgetting that Angels are watching us from Heaven.....And when God sees all this suffering of the Soul, he gives us another chance, a chance to realize the essence, and no matter how hard it is to accept, it passes through like lightning, shaking us. It is problems that strengthen us and give us a chance to break out of the shackles of the EGO and meet our Soul. And then the true qualities of everyone appear, his face appears, true meaning beautiful words. When you love, do you enjoy happiness alone? When you love, don't you rejoice in the happiness of others? Don’t you want to share all the light that overwhelms you at these moments? When you love, do you think about the benefit that you can get from the one you love, instead of sharing happiness and giving? Wake up, people!!! Will a car, a house, a bank account support you in Hard time, lending your shoulder and offering help? Will you share moments of joy and happiness? Will a piece of earth hold your hand with all its love and warmth? last minutes life, warming the Soul with care and instilling peace and confidence that life was not lived in vain!?
What will we take with us? What will we leave behind? To your family, your loved ones, your children. Own mistakes? Your ignorance and unconsciousness? Remember yourself as children, did you like it when adults fought, as it seemed to us then, over trifles (dividing property and measuring the size of their vanity), and look at yourself now! Who do you become as you grow up? What values ​​do you instill in your children? Wake up, people, while there is still time and there are those for whom it is worth waking up, thinking and correcting mistakes.
And don’t be surprised when trouble knocks on your door, and don’t ask yourself “why?” But understand and accept this as a Gift, as a second Chance to save the Soul, and ask “for what?” After all, we are here to experience love. The human journey through life ensures that we are pushed to do whatever is necessary for the experience.
Start appreciating now true essence things and love not in words, but sincerely, with all your heart, with all your Soul. One touch of the hand, one warm gentle look - instead of a thousand words and reproaches. Keeping promises instead of trying to make excuses for yourself. After all, the best thing you can do for your Soul is love! Selfless, unconditional, not demanding anything in return. When you want to share, not share! And love your family and friends - this is the most important thing in life, Treasure! Because their love is priceless, it simply exists and that makes you want to Be too!

I’ll bring up the topic of intrusive exes. My wife and I are married for the first time. But before me, my wife had long term relationship almost a year. She left him, and they did not communicate until our engagement. Then suddenly it started. He wrote to her. He called back, but he still couldn’t let up that she wasn’t married to him or anyone else at all. My wife showed me the messages herself.

Once we had a slight quarrel, and she told me, “You don’t value me, and you will never be like Vlad, and he, by the way, still hasn’t forgotten me.” Before this, I had not heard about her ex Vlad for two months, and then he materialized again.

– Is he writing again?

“He never stopped.”

- Didn't understand.

“I didn’t tell you not to worry.”

– Should I be worried?!

- No, I actually always answer him coldly.

– Why are you even answering him?

- Well, he writes.

- He's your ex. And he writes to you about love, and you are married. Don't answer - he'll stop writing.

This closed the issue. A week later she stands in front of the mirror, preens herself and sighs: Vlad is boring again.

- Why doesn’t he understand?

- No, apparently. Again he talks nonsense about feelings.

– I’m telling you, don’t answer. Well, I don't answer.

- Well, that means it will calm down soon.

A couple of times during some quarrels her ex came up. Always reproach me for being jealous. He was already frankly infuriating me. One day I couldn’t stand it, I really wanted to talk to him “like a man.” For starters, it would be nice to see the enemy (yes, I have never even seen a photo of him). Found him on social networks. Oops! Married. Interesting…

I wrote to him. Without being rude, he asked me that I was worried about my wife’s relationship with him. At first he was hostile to the left-wing guy who suspected him of something. But then he still sent the correspondence. Right all for Last year. After reading it, even my ears were burning with anger.

It was not he who wrote to his wife, but she constantly sent him sarcastic messages, to which he responded. And then she took him to " open conversation" about what happened between them. And poor Vlad had to long texts describe that he is not an asshole. It was not he who abandoned her, but she. It was he who loved to the last, he was hurt by her actions. But now we need to move on with our lives, and nothing can happen between them. This essay was repeated over and over again, while she periodically freaked out and wrote to him. It seems that everything is clear the first time, but no. She seemed to calm down, a neutral correspondence of congratulations began with clichéd wording during some holidays, and then bam:

- Congratulations…

- Don’t you remember?..

– I see... Actually, we were walking in the park that day, and you confessed your love. So, he lied... And he used it. - And a lot of text about how hurt she is, how disappointed she is in life and people, a lot of tearful stuff. Apparently, she still remembered what topics she could press on in order to provoke ex feeling guilt. And he began to calm her down and make excuses. She again used her claws to extract from him confessions of his past feelings.

Just when these bad things happened in correspondence, then she “accidentally” complained to me about her annoying ex. It’s clear that she just got a kick out of it and stroked her vanity. This is not the case at all. Be married woman and fool someone else's brains married man, also harassing his mate. Called a fool to serious conversation. He said that if I hear about my ex again, or find out that they are corresponding, I will file for divorce. Either she lives with me, like normal person. Or she sighs about her ex alone. I was scared. I haven’t written to Vlad again yet. By the way, his daughter was recently born, I congratulated him.

PRIDE, -I, cf. Self-esteem, self-respect, self-affirmation. Painful s. (exacerbated). Insulted s. To spare someone. With. (do not give rise to feelings of resentment or offended pride).

SELF-LOVE - books

…tendency to ask for money. Koltukhin, in such cases, gave his comrade a gloomy look and silently left. But still he had to ask, he could not do without it. He had a lot of pride...

...a wife and mother, because selfishness is not in harmony with love, and only one genius or high talent can be alien to petty pride, and only in one male artist can the egoism of selfishness even have its own...

...they were called Slacker, Mosquito Melancholy - all this suited him perfectly and, obviously, did not touch his pride in the least, for he willingly answered all the nicknames in his apathetic and hoarse voice: - Sh...

...lzak emphasizes that hidden engines of any shape social activities in bourgeois society are - along with the desire to profit from everything - vanity, petty pride and vanity...

“... – Ahh... Of course! How!! So, how's old Dirk doing? Jumping? - Oh, he’s no longer in the world. He died twenty years ago. - Well, what are you talking about! I can imagine how hard life is now for the unfortunate Gollins... Perhaps not a trace of his former cheerfulness remains? – No trace, absolutely true. Twenty-four years ago he passed away, Mr. Gollins. I was annoyed. ..."

SELF-LOVE - words with similar meanings

• PROUD, -th, -oe; -iv. Possessing heightened self-esteem. S. person. C. character.
• CLICK, -chka, m. 1. Jerky hit by something. hard (usually a blow with an extended finger); the quiet sound of a short and sharp...
• HYPERTROPHY, -i, g. (book). An increase in the volume of something. organ or tissue. G. hearts. G. pride (translated). 11 adj....
• FLATTERY, -aya, -oe; -ten, -tna. 1. Containing praise, approval. L. review. 2. Self-gratifying. Flattering...
• AWARENESS, -th, -oe; -en. 1. Highly sensitive. O. servants. Heightened pride. 2. Tense, hostile. ...
• DAMAGED, -aya, -oe; -en. 1. About the month is defective. U. crescent moon. 2. Insulted, wounded. Damaged pride. II noun....
• PAINFUL, -aya, -oe; -znenna, -znenna. 1. Arising from illness, prone to illness, unhealthy. B. blush. B. view. B. child....
• HYPERTROPHIZED, -aya, -oe; -an (book). Subjected to hypertrophy; overly exaggerated. Hypertrophied muscle....