In the relationship between a man and a woman, there is often such a problem as love triangle. The question immediately arises: what to do? How to behave if someone else stands on the way to joint happiness?
Love triangle: a serious problem?
A love triangle is a relationship in which, in addition to two loving people There is also a third party. It starts with a glimpse chance meeting, unexpected love. This problem has always existed, from the earliest times. Meet random person and unexpectedly feel for him irresistible attraction everyone can. But then what?
The love triangle can be of two types: "woman - man - woman" and "man - woman - man". In any relationship, all three suffer. True, there are cases when people perceive the current situation as a game, so to speak, new way experience thrill… But gradually the excitement passes and the problem of choice arises. How to choose and not make a mistake? It turns out to be very difficult to make such a decision, which is why relationships in love triangles sometimes drag on for long years, making unhappy not only its participants, but also loved ones.
Doubt and fear are usually the main causes of indecision. Fear to do incorrect choice, uncertainty in new relationships, constant search for something bad in the past - all this can gradually lead to the fact that you will be left with nothing at all.
Love triangle: two women one man
Such love triangle occurs quite frequently. There can be any number of reasons why a husband gets himself a mistress. I wanted diversity, family crises, relationships with a beloved woman no longer bring as much happiness as it was at the beginning ... And the man thinks that the only way out- start a new relationship.
To solve this problem, first of all, answer the question for yourself: can you forgive your husband's infidelity? Will you be able to build relationships with your loved one further and forget everything that happened? And do you need it at all? If your answer is “yes”, then feel free to take action!
First, try to limit the communication of your loved one with this woman. The less often they meet, the better for you. Try yourself not to constantly remind him of his mistress, do not swear, constantly shouting out her name and asking what he found in her. Do not cry and beg - this will only push the man away!
Secondly, do everything in order to re-awaken interest in you in your loved one. Remember all your female tricks turn on the charm. Once you managed to entice your man with this - do it again. Return home with flowers - jealousy often helps in situations like this. And most importantly, do not despair! You will succeed!
Love triangle: two men one woman
As a rule, when women meet a man, they think about creating a family, about future children, so relationships in such a love triangle do not last long.
Whom to choose in such a situation can only be decided by you. In this case, it is not possible to make specific recommendations. Decide what exactly you want from a relationship, try to choose a more reliable and loving man. Listen to your heart!
Our women's magazine believes that no matter what love triangle you fall into, you need to get out of it as quickly as possible. After all, only in this way you will be able to save yourself from many experiences. When making a choice, be sure to think about the future! There is no need to make hasty decisions, because the happiness of three people at once depends on it!
training female power: Queen, Girl, Mistress, Hostess Kharitonova Angela
Chapter 17 Love Triangles and the Way Out of Them
As we know from geometry, a triangle is a very stable figure. Love triangles, unfortunately, too. In such a relationship, if you look superficially, everything seems to suit everyone. But, looking deeper, it turns out that all three sides have their own psychological problems, which keep the triangle unchanged, but also bring suffering to all three sides.
A love triangle can be called a stable union of "three hearts", where everyone knows everything, but no one changes anything. Consider the triangle first a man and two women.
Most often this married couple + young mistress. Maybe trite, as some might think. But for many, such situations become real tragedies. Therefore, it will be useful to consider this from the point of view of psychology and energy metabolism. Here we call energy any "investments" - emotional, intellectual, spiritual, sensual, material. We all want the energy exchange with a loved one to be equal - how much energy I put in, so much I get in return. It only seems at first: "I will give you the whole world and in return I need only your smile." Beautiful words...
Do you think the exchange is equivalent in a triangle where there are two women and one man? Hardly... Unless the man is a super giant in sex, intellect, insanely talented, fabulously rich and sincerely generous, and women are quite ordinary.
It happens more often. The family lives past passion no longer, everything is as if on knurled, it seems to be not bad, but something is missing.
“I know everything in advance what she will say and what she will do,” as one of my clients put it. What can be done to save this situation? Of course, constant development. Moreover, a woman should be changeable much more than a man. Women expect more stability from men. Development both in terms of appearance, and skills, interests, hobbies, personal growth.
And if this is not the case ... The easiest way for a man is to get a dose of adrenaline on the side. Once received, two, three, and then fell in love. The style and script matched. Most common variant love triangle- this is the Sultan (Hunter) - Gerda - the Little Mermaid (Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella).
The Sultan considers it normal for him to have two permanent women, even one that does not have a stamp in the passport is often referred to as a cousin or younger wife. It usually contains two. But both wives have a quiet war going on for him.
You can fight, as you know. different ways. For example, to have more children, become helpless (not work, get sick, etc.), bind to yourself in various emotional ways, common property, become super sexy, make huge investments in your appearance (constantly rejuvenate and visit beauty salons) and please in everything! Both women are driven by fear: “What if he leaves me?” A constant fear leads to an endless energy drain. If a woman manages to push this fear into the subconscious, that is, put up a psychological defense, then it is still required additional energy to keep this fear there and not release it into consciousness. It can be a denial: “I don’t care about anything, he will never leave me.” Rationalization: “Everyone lives like this. But I am secured and next to me is my beloved man. Redirected aggression: “It’s her fault, she’s so-so, she keeps him blackmailed (love spell), and he’s good, he only loves me!” But no matter what way the woman's subconscious chooses to prevent this pain in her heart, one thing is clear - she is fighting not only for a man, but also with herself. A lot of psychic energy is spent on the struggle, and the woman is slowly exhausted, tired, sick, irritated, aging earlier despite the newfangled cosmetic procedures... This applies to both wives. And most importantly - there is no equivalent energy exchange, wives give twice as much as they receive. It is like a flower that is not watered every day, as it needs to be, but every other day. At first, it will begin to dry, wither, lose its beauty, and after a while it will dry out.
The Sultan can feel this invisible war for himself, he can have the feeling that he is being torn to pieces. If the war becomes open, you will not envy the Sultan, because he cannot part with either one, both tightly “tied” him. And yet, getting used to swimming in a sea of energy, receiving love in a double volume, it is almost impossible to refuse it. Such love is tantamount to a drug. The open struggle of two women can bring a man to nervous breakdown or heart disease.
The hunter, unlike the Sultan, worries much more, because in his “program” it is not written that he should have two wives. In his scenario, there is only one wife, and there are many objects of hunting. A triangle is formed if the hunter "misfired" and accidentally fell in love himself.
And a second emotional attachment is formed. Here, everything that is described about the relationship between the Sultan and his wives is much sharper and hundreds of times more tragic. Because the Sultan holds both women mainly with material energy (provides), and the Hunter - emotional and sexual. Passions are raging here full program! The hunter is torn to pieces, he experiences the most severe discomfort, fear, guilt, remorse, rushing from one to another. But in the end, everyone is unhappy!
According to statistics, only three out of ten wives do not forgive betrayals and go into a vague future with a child in their arms and their heads held high.
The rest are desperately fighting for "their own", resorting to all sorts of, sometimes sophisticated methods. Remember the chapter on ancient instincts. To lose the "breadwinner" for the woman's subconscious is tantamount to "starvation". Even if a woman is successful and makes good money, instincts still “work”.
The risk of becoming a "younger wife" is experienced by the Little Mermaids and Little Red Riding Hoods. The little mermaids fall in love with the unavailable (often married) and stubbornly make sacrifices to get their "prince". And the Red Riding Hoods are naive and emotionally unstable, they play through life and sometimes “flirt” like this.
Now let's talk about the triangle one woman + two men. The situation does not look the same as in the above scenario. A woman will not have two "husbands". For the psychology of a woman, this is unacceptable. Most likely, this is a situation: an unloved, but convenient husband and a beloved, but not suitable for a family lover. A woman is by nature more cunning, more resourceful and more artistic. So often cuckold husbands may not be aware of the presence of a lover. A lover can appear if the husband:
Absolutely unmanly;
Sexually almost useless;
The tyrant does not understand the "subtle" soul of his wife;
Himself is constantly changing;
Psychologically incompatible with his wife in general;
Creepy workaholic;
Alcoholic.
One point is enough. Without a good reason, a woman will not cheat. That is, the husband does not suit his wife and is not “her Man”, but they are tied common property, children, etc. But it is impossible to go to a lover, he may be unreliable, married, poor, homeless, etc. But a woman loves him and feels that he is just “her Man” and she is with him " real woman". Who suffers more in this situation? The one who loves more. If the husband is already breathing evenly towards his wife, then he can make up for the lack of energy on her part with connections on the side, alcohol or going to work. If he loves and knows about his lover, this is a huge blow to the pride of a man. Men do not forgive this and leave. If not gone, then most likely this is an option: weak man – Strong woman. A man draws energy in his “half”, and the “half” - in an outlet on the side.
A woman suffers, is torn apart, because for any woman it is important to be close to her beloved for real, and not to meet secretly. A lover can suffer if for him this is not just a hobby, but a real feeling. Then he experiences the same lack of energy. A woman is not able to give her all to him, in any case, she has a family, children and the “luggage” of the past in common with her husband.
The risk of being in this triangle is The Scarlet Flower, The Snow Queen, The Iron Lady. Become male sides in this triangle Eternal friend and Knight, Sponsor (husband), as well as the Eternal Prince and Simple Guy (lover).
What to do if you are in such a "Bermuda Triangle?" The first thing that can help is the awareness of relationships and energy exchange in this situation and a dead-end future without illusions, hopes and psychological defenses. A psychologist can help clear the perception of all this. The second is to know that you have to make a choice and that it will be bad for a while, no matter what you do. Thirdly, if you leave the triangle that “nourished” you with energy, do not go into the void. It will be difficult for you to survive such an energy "hunger". As they said in Rus', a wedge is knocked out with a wedge. Find someone who can support you.
If you “feed” with energy, then you are also dependent. As you know, the more we invest, the more we become attached to ourselves. It's like you've breastfed a baby and now you're forced to lose it. You will also have to find a suitable replacement. Often women are more worried when they are alone, that they have no one to take care of, and not that they are not taken care of. Just don't make it your object excessive care child, it is better to find a partner as soon as possible. Let it not be such a serious relationship, but simply “psychotherapeutic”, “transitional”. In any case, it is impossible to cope without support here.
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A woman's love for two men at the same time is one of the classic options love triangle. As a rule, one of these men is the husband, and the second is the lover.
It should be noted that in such a situation all its participants suffer, but it is especially difficult for a woman who constantly feels shame and guilt for deceiving at least one of the men.
According to the observations of psychologists, love triangles involving one woman in love with two men are much less common and much less durable than when one man and two women find themselves in a similar situation.
The whole reason is that women, by nature, are monogamous and prone to monogamy, so relationships with two men at once cause most women severe mental discomfort and can even cause severe depression and a nervous breakdown.
Why can a woman fall in love with two men at the same time? As a rule, this happens when a woman lacks something in her relationship with her husband, and this missing facet of the relationship is compensated by her lover.
Advantages of a lover over a husband
A lover can have the following advantages over her husband:
Physically satisfy a woman Often there are problems in the sexual sphere marital relations. A woman can sincerely love her husband, be attached to him, but constant physical dissatisfaction (if the woman is temperamental) can push a woman into a relationship with another man who turns out to be an ace in bed. At first it might just be sexual connection, well, then, since sex and love in women are always nearby, a woman falls in love with her lover. Raise a woman's self-esteem Love for two men takes place if the husband almost never tells the woman nice words, does not make compliments, but the lover does not skimp on them. In such a situation, it is not surprising if a woman breaks out to her lover tender feelings. Satisfy her need for communication For many women, it is very important verbal communication with your man. A man with whom it turns out not only good lover but also smart and interesting interlocutor, will have great advantages in the eyes of a woman over her husband, communication with whom is reduced to a discussion of everyday problems. Understand a woman, sympathize with her problems
If the husband is completely uninterested inner world women, does not take an emotional part in her problems, interests and hobbies, then is it possible to be surprised if she falls in love with another man capable of sympathy and empathy? To give a woman sharpness of emotions and experiences A woman can be in love with two men when, after many years of joint married life a smooth and calm relationship with her husband begins to seem boring and uninteresting to a woman, so she tries to find breathtaking thrills in the arms of her lover.
As you can see, there are plenty of reasons for the emergence of a love triangle. But usually a woman understands that such relationships cannot last forever, and painfully tries to find some way out of this difficult situation.
What should a woman who loves two men do?
Understand the reason for what is happening First of all, to accept correct solution, a woman must understand what caused this situation and whose fault it is. If, for example, it's all about emotional coldness and the indifference of her husband, then the woman should not blame herself for anything. But it makes sense to think about whether it is worth living with a cold and indifferent husband. If a woman understands that she is happy next to her husband, and her lover cannot give her anything other than sex, then the decision, of course, should be made in favor of her husband. Try to understand how both men treat her. It often happens that a woman quits loving husband to stay with her lover, and then it turns out that the lover did not even think about the possibility Serious relationships with this woman. But it may also happen that a lover really loves a woman, while her husband has long been indifferent to her. It is clear that in the first case it is desirable for a woman not to leave her husband and part with her lover as soon as possible, and in the second - to prefer a lover. Think about the future of your family When a woman is in love with two men and cannot choose between them, then it is worth thinking about those who may suffer from unfaithfulness. decision. If a woman does not have children in common with her husband, this is one situation. But if children suffer from a divorce from a husband, and not only their own, but possibly the children of a lover, this is a completely different matter, and here you need to think not only about your own good, but also about the fate of the children. Especially if the relationship with her husband is quite good! Understand own feelings It also happens that after parting with her husband and staying with her lover, a woman bitterly realizes that she has always loved her husband, and she has experienced only a momentary passion for her lover. Therefore, in order to avoid fatal mistakes, it is very important for a woman to realize what feelings she really has for both men and whether there is any point in continuing a relationship with one of them. Or maybe it's better to part with both and start life from scratch?History knows many examples of polygamy, and in many countries of the world this tradition continues, which speaks in favor of the fact that a man can like several women at the same time.
Yes, to anyone young man familiar feeling when, being in the company pretty girls, you literally don’t know who to look at, everyone is so good.
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One day at a seminar family psychology one of the speakers addressed the audience with a request: “I ask you to be extremely frank. Please raise your hands if you, being married, fell in love with another person at the same time.
In the hall, where men and women with solid family experience were sitting, a whole forest of hands went up. “And now, the speaker continued, I ask those who left the family because of this love to raise their hands.”
This time not a single hand was raised, and the speaker said: "I will be happy to speak in front of such a truly adult audience." If "truly grown-up" people are so unanimous about falling in love, where does the question arise - two women at the same time? Psychology has its own opinion on this matter.
To be at the same time not indifferent to several women at once for a young free man quite natural. Although psychology refers to such "lovingness" only as a way to find a single companion for life.
Can a man be indifferent at the same time and can a man love two women equally - these are completely different questions in male psychology. Despite sympathy for several girlfriends, a man must decide which of them he feels more comfortable with - self-confident, caring man or a devoted little dog, depending on the mood of the hostess.
Can a man love two women at the same time? Many men are often in a hurry and mistake love for love, or even just sexual attraction. Even the ancient Greeks understood psychology and knew that, despite the similarity of sensations, these feelings cannot be called in one word:
- Falling in love, no matter how strong it may seem, is short-lived, and very soon.
- Love, as psychology characterizes, craves emotional pleasures for itself, draws in the imagination passionate scenes of intimacy (“weaving hands, weaving legs”), makes us “lose consciousness” from the voice of our beloved, overshadows the mind and takes away the ability to control oneself, that is, it borders on obsession .
- Love longs for happiness not only for itself, it shows care and interest in the object of sympathy as a person, looks ahead, not looking for benefits even emotionally, but assuming a long coexistence in any circumstances.
- He truly falls asleep and wakes up with thoughts of his beloved, his heart and every cell are filled with dreams and plans, where only she is present. In such a heart there is no room for any other woman, and the question whether a man can love two women at the same time does not arise.
- If a man is tormented by doubts and he is trying to find out whether a man can love two women at the same time, psychology sees the explanation in the fact that a person has not known true love and is simply looking for an excuse for his failure.
When a man is guided not only by the psychology of sensual egoism, but at the same time by prudence, more strong feeling than love.
What does psychology say about those who can love one and live with another?
still remains a mystery behind seven seals for researchers of this extraordinary feeling.
Psychology cannot explain why many "fatal" for famous men women were not distinguished by either special beauty or mild disposition. Like, for example, the fatal muse of V. Mayakovsky, Lilia Brik.
And what makes hundreds and thousands of men sigh for some women and at the same time live with others? And can a man love one and live with another? Psychology doesn't count similar situation phenomenal. There are several reasons for this state of affairs, depending on the male psychotype.
"As everybody"
A man receives a decisive rejection of the object of love, but the psychology of the proud man does not allow him. In order not to vegetate alone, he gets himself a wife or cohabitant and drags out his existence "like everyone else" - with a lifelong internal conflict, secret love and at the same time - resentment towards women.
“Because you can’t ... be beautiful like that”
Almost the same. The man does not even try to tell his beloved about his feelings, because he considers her ... too beautiful and inaccessible. realizing that female beauty requires sacrifice, the man decides not to tempt fate and be content with a less exotic gift - not the most beautiful and not too beloved woman.
"Foolishly drunk"
Intoxicated with youthful passion, young people often bind themselves with the bonds of Hymen. Such daredevils are often provoked by the fact that the beauty turned out to be “too tough” for everyone else, but “showed mercy” to him. Another option - the girl got into " interesting position", and a sense of duty obligated ...
Passionate love, like "love" out of a sense of duty, passes through time, the young man meets true love, but he does not dare to destroy the family, so he lives with one, and at the same time loves the other.
The life circumstances that force men to live with the wrong women they are in love with are incomparably more than the article can fit. But in each case, psychology draws attention to the main thing - the psychological immaturity of such men.
Why does it happen that they love some and marry others?
There are many situations in which a man is unable to marry for love. The options described above are also relevant. But they can be supplemented.
"Not yet evening"
A variation of the already considered version of events can be called the psychology of a man who put off his declaration of love for a long time, and when he finally decided, his passion turned out to be occupied by another.
In revenge, he “also” marries another, and all his life, like a vile reptile that has bitten his victim, watches from afar the life of his beloved, hoping that her marriage will successfully break up, or her husband will go to the forefathers, or, finally, she herself will “come to her senses.” and crawl to him on his knees.
Psychology is silent about how, in this case, they are going to deal with their real wife.
"Not comme il faut?"
The “fear” of men is opposed by another phenomenon known in psychology. A man falls in love with a woman who is… shy. Either she is not as presentable as the lady from his circle of friends, or not as educated, or much lower than him in social position- doesn't matter.
He knows that marriage to this woman will not win the approval of his relatives, friends, or work colleagues. The psychology of "what they say" makes a man marry a lady from his circle, at the same time destroying not only his own, but also her life.
"Yazhemat"
An extremely rare option in our time, but familiar to psychology, is when a mother chooses a wife for her son. Mom is not interested in the psychology of her "child", and the girls he likes are perceived as impudent contenders for the mother's place in his heart.
Such situations are typical for families where the boy grew up in a totalitarian female environment. He can love a woman. But he is obliged to marry the one who, in the opinion of his mother, is worthy of him. That is why men love some and marry others, and psychology knows many other circumstances.
One woman for life: does it happen?
There are so many myths and curiosity around male monogamists that it is impossible to ignore the question, can a man love one woman all his life?
For some reason, it seems to many that such men must necessarily be inferior in some way - they are credited with either physical ugliness or failure in career growth, then sexual disability, then religious obscurantism.
In general, positive feedback about deep feelings to the only woman among the people is not enough.
But let everyone turn to the past own family- Is it bad to dream that parents live their whole lives in perfect harmony? If so, how can such a life be called defective in some way?
The psychology of men who deny monogamous love is quite understandable:
- They live with a woman who serves them, supports them and loves them in her own way. They, while formally “loving” one, at the same time have feelings for another woman, perhaps also not free. No one dares to cut this Gordian knot, and this suits the man quite well. Moreover, he is sure that a man can love two women at the same time.
- another type is unthinkable without romantic adventures and holiday romances. In such families, it is customary to "rest from each other", going on vacation one by one. These are also sure that a man can love two women at the same time.
- There is also a type of men who consider the institution of the family an endangered type of relationship.
But let's try to look into ourselves and ask - wouldn't we like to meet true love? And is it possible to question the value of the family? What is called the cell of society, what is the basis of the human population and at the same time keeps the human race from extinction?
Psychology does not call for a man's love for one woman to make him a slave and "inadequate" in relation to other ladies. But the beauty of love lies in the ability to survive any trials (even a sudden surge of love) and remain faithful to one beloved to the end.
Useful video
The situation becomes incredibly complex and confusing when the question arises in the girl's mind: can a man love two? What psychologists think about this can be seen in the video below:
Conclusion
- Psychology does not give a positive answer to the question of whether a man can love two women at the same time.
- Psychology recommends distinguishing between such concepts as love and falling in love and does not consider them synonymous.
- Men who justify their promiscuity by the ability to love two women at the same time, psychology calls socially and psychologically immature people.
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