Unfortunately, many ladies draw in their imagination that after marriage their life will change in the most drastic way and she will take care of herself and her projects. Alas, it often happens that after Mendelssohn's march has ended, the newly-made spouse suddenly begins to demand increased attention and is offended if he is gently hinted that his wife, in general, may also have important matters that require her direct participation. How to settle the situation and not bring to a divorce?

Natalia, 29 years old:

“I dreamed of a wedding since childhood. I imagined this day in great detail, my outfit, rings and the first dance with my husband. So what is next? I didn’t think about it, but it seemed to me that everything should be perfect and simple. Alas, in fact it turned out that I was deprived of my freedom. For example, earlier I could wake up in the morning, calmly choose an outfit, come up with the appropriate makeup, drink a cup of coffee and fly off to work. Well, in the evening, of course, you could meet the girls or go to the gym - a lot of options. And no one warns that after marriage everything changes! Husband demands constant attention, now every evening I have to run home, cook for him delicious dinners and make sure he has clean clothes. Girlfriends? I don't even remember when we last time We were going to, I can’t even go shopping with them now - I take my spouse with me everywhere. Perhaps this is the wrong idea! I love my husband very much, but Lately I increasingly have the feeling that he really steals my time! That I conditionally live his life, but not mine. Is there a way to fix the situation and make me feel like myself again?”

We asked the expert, psychologist and writer Tatiana Salvoni to comment on this situation and tell how to be in this case.

Marriage, of course, makes life even better, but it also puts before the fact that there will be no more the old way. You are no longer free like you used to be. Along with new rights come new responsibilities. For the sake of the family, something has to be sacrificed. The husband, that is, the family, is really starting to take your time. And the further you go, the less of your personal time you have left. With the advent of a child, for example, time flies somewhere down the drain. It was just morning and I planned to do so much - hop! - and already evening. Not even half done.

The first family grinding of newlyweds is often associated with this fact. And this is a relatively new phenomenon. After all before the girl were more family-oriented and saw no other life for themselves. And today women lead a full-fledged social life, and marriage knocks the ground out from under the feet of many.

Jung called the family a small therapeutic group. Indeed, living together is easier and more fun, and so on. But psychological burnout family life happens too. Moreover, women are even more likely than men. Therefore, it is important to agree with your husband that there should be your own personal temporary space. Moreover, the further deep into family life, I mean the appearance of children, the more important it is to have a little time for yourself. There is such an anecdote about the mother of the family, who sometimes locked herself in her room for a couple of hours, and everyone was strictly forbidden to disturb her. One day the children asked her what she was doing there. And she answered: "I make you good mom". You need to relax, be distracted, exchange energy with other people, that is, "make a good wife."

Advice for a letter writer who complains about her husband stealing her time. First, you need to come to terms with the fact that most of the time will now have to be devoted to creating a family. After all, this is a separate work, it does not end with the wedding, but only begins. Secondly, it is important to clearly define the scope of your personal space with your husband. In terms of psychology, set boundaries. What part of your single life are you not ready to part with for any price? I remember one friend immediately told her husband after the wedding that the fitness club right after work was sacred to her. And either they will have dinner late, or he can have dinner alone. He agreed to wait for her. Moreover, he has a culinary talent. Now they have established it - he cooks dinner, she cooks breakfast, and on weekends they create dinners together. Another immediately agreed to go to the cinema with her girlfriends once a week on Saturdays and free evening with the environment, which she spends as she sees fit. There are those who do not follow the strict rules. But it is important that everyone happy couples there is one agreement - to warn each other about their plans, to be always in touch, to talk about their condition and ask how the partner feels. And just to discuss everything, to find a consensus. It’s bad when something irritates, and you are silent and accumulate this irritation. It will spill out one day, and there will be no time for a constructive dialogue.

Every woman, deciding on the most important step in her life - marriage, dreams of a cozy home, children and reliable support in the person of her husband. If the first two components family happiness she can translate into reality on her own, then the third one is entirely dependent on her husband. For many, the question arises sharply, how to behave when a husband constantly insults and humiliates his wife after several years of marriage?

Many of the men, even having married, do not want to take responsibility and become the head of the family. They believe that life has not changed, as he was loved, and remained. Only one thing changes in this situation - now he requires attention and care from another woman - his wife. He forgets that she has problems related to work, children and home, which cannot be pushed aside and dealt with only "His Majesty - her husband."

The man's irritation grows and instead of understanding his wife and helping her, he begins to act available methods. And what could be more accessible than driving a person into a corner and forcing teams to fulfill their whims? Only insults, assault and humiliation. Therefore, the situation when the husband insulted becomes the norm. But is it necessary to put up with this or is it worth understanding why the husband offends and making an effective decision? We will try to analyze the answers in our article.

Why does a husband constantly insult and humiliate his wife - reasons

The reasons why a husband constantly insults and humiliates his wife are classified by psychology in several positions:

- The feelings that the spouse experienced have cooled down. This happens in any family - behind everyday worries and problems, men and women gradually forget how much they loved each other, and how good they were together. That is why the husband always finds fault with trifles. Instead of trying to maintain the flame of love for his wife in his heart, he begins to blame the soulmate and splash out his discontent in insults about her appearance that has changed after childbirth or for other reasons.

- The husband started love on the side. To say directly that he has a mistress, a man can not always. Usually this can be said aloud by men who are confident in themselves and try to live according to the laws of justice and honor. Alas, but in modern world such specimens are in the minority. That is why the husband begins to “harass” his wife with nit-picking and tantrums, so that she herself leaves him. That is why a husband offends his wife with words: he immediately “kills two birds with one stone” - gets rid of unloved woman with her own hands and “unties her hands” to start a new relationship.

— Disgust. It sounds rude, but this is really the feeling that many men experience when looking at their “descended” wives. What kind of girl did he meet when he fell in love? Beautiful, desirable, well-groomed, cheerful and interesting. And now, in front of him, a “monster” with greasy hair, in a filthy dressing gown and with a mine of discontent on his face, is walking around the apartment. Same reason why ex-husband offends ex-wife. He loses respect for her because of the "descended" look.

Dear ladies! Look at yourself in the mirror! Perhaps the reason for your husband's nagging is precisely in your appearance And psychological mood? Pregnancy, financial difficulties and temporary problems with work are no excuse.

A woman should always look neat and desirable, and then the husband will not have an idea how to humiliate his wife.

Otherwise, he finds no reason why he once married this "monster" and begins to get nervous. In this case, the husband's nit-picking is quite obvious and understandable.

Have you ever seen couples in which the husband plays the role of a handsome peacock, and the woman looks like him against his background? Be sure that in these families, humiliation and insult is the usual manner of communication between husband and wife. The woman herself allows herself to be treated like this, and she often does not even have the thought, “what if my husband calls me a foul language and humiliates me?”. The low self-esteem and silence of the spouse makes it possible for the husband to mock her with impunity.

- There is another reason why men allow themselves a dismissive attitude towards their other half - addiction. And if a guy humiliates and insults a girl without apparent reason, it is worth thinking about your position in this life. A woman feeling that she herself is not able to cope with life situation, tries not to annoy the spouse over "trifles" and is silent in response to all his insults.

- Controlling a child required condition to educate him as a person. But controlling her husband is another matter. Adults probably won't like it. total control, which suit the spouses. They scour his phone looking for mythical mistresses, look through the correspondence on social networks, check where and when he is. What to do if a husband yells at his wife in this situation? It is worth respecting the personal space of your other half. But no, some even go down in order to hire private detectives. This behavior of the spouse irritates the man and, on the defensive, he can sink to extreme measures- humiliation and insults.

True, from many acquaintances you can hear: “My husband insults me and humiliates me, what should I do?” But few people think what is the reason for this attitude.

Psychology divides the motives why a man humiliates and insults a woman into several types. But whatever the reason for this attitude, urgent action should be taken to prevent a recurrence of the situation.

So, psychologists advise:

- Call your husband for a walk in those places that are dear to you, like a memory. For example, in the park where your dates took place. The fact that a husband constantly calls names and humiliates his wife morally advises a psychologist to remember your happy moments. Maybe you are "stuck by life" and it is worth resurrecting past feelings?

- Get it wedding photos and remember how happy you were;

— Talk to your significant other about the reasons that cause such a negative reaction.. Together try to decide what to do if the husband constantly insults and humiliates his wife (psychologist's advice - stay calm).

- Explain how painfully his statements hurt you. Give arguments in favor of the fact that you are not the same as he says, let him be ashamed of his words. Although, if a man constantly humiliates and insults a woman, psychology gives an unambiguous solution - the wife must become self-sufficient! There are many ways to do this, believe in yourself!

Often, no arguments can force an insecure and notorious husband to change his behavior. Because a man who insults a woman feels a surge of strength and confidence due to the one who is dependent on him and loves. It's kind of, energetic vampire eating life energy who is nearby.

Here is how to respond to an insult to your husband and these are the advice of a psychologist: look for ways out of this problem, but do not stoop to reciprocal insults.

Don't run to your girlfriends and complain about your "bad" spouse

Tomorrow you will make peace, but for friends it will always be a bad person, which "squeezes you out of the world."

Wife constantly offends: what to do?

Psychologists say that a wife begins to humiliate and insult her husband in only one case - the loss of respect. Therefore, in order to correct the situation, every effort should be made to regain respect. You can't force it, but you can earn it. Here are some tips on what to do if a wife insults and humiliates her husband:

Treat your wife with respect, not only in words, but also in deeds.
Do not demand respect with rudeness and force. This will cause an even stronger reaction in response.
Often the reason that the wife is unhappy and insulting is her tacit leadership in the house. When a wife constantly has to resolve all issues in the house, she grows irritated at her husband's insolvency.
Set your priorities. Sometimes a man puts own interests above others, forgetting about your soulmate. Often, by shouting and arguing, the wife tries to attract attention to herself.

Husband yells with a child: consequences

Your child receives the biggest blow from the humiliation and insults of her husband. After all, it only seems that the child remains on the side of the conflict. In fact, the mother is a protector and when she is insulted and humiliated, her child loses her sense of security. The child receives stress, which can later be expressed in a craving for theft, various fears, sadism.

In a situation where a husband insults and constantly yells in front of a child, the advice of a psychologist gives an unambiguous solution: this should be stopped. There are several ways: from psychological seminars to a complete break in relations. Here the situation should be analyzed individually.

Insults from a drunken husband

Before figuring out what to do if the husband drinks and insults, it is necessary to abstract and assess the scale of the tragedy. Alcoholism affects more often those people who are constantly under stress. Therefore, if your other half drinks, he lacks inner peace.

The desire to escape from reality leads to complete degradation of the personality, when a person does not understand what is happening, where the truth is. If you have such a situation and you don’t know what to do when your husband drinks and insults, try to help him psychological support and help with addiction. If he refuses this and he is completely satisfied with the situation, you are left with 2 options:

Change your attitude towards your husband and accept him with all his shortcomings;
Break off the relationship and leave.

What to do when your husband is abusive?

There is one "but" in solving this problem. All the advice of psychologists can resolve the conflict only if the man also wants it.

Having tried to establish understanding, and not finding a response in your spouse, do not continue to humiliate yourself.

Search more radical methods. Try to make him understand whether he needs you or not. Break the relationship. Maybe he will understand that you are the only woman he needs. Otherwise, your breakup will be the beginning of a new life for you with another person who will need you like air, with all your strengths and weaknesses.

Women may be faced with a situation where the husband does not know how to drink, and because of this, problems begin in the family. Because of alcohol, a spouse can not only not fulfill his duties, but also release insults towards his wife. Because of this behavior, more than one couple divorced, while in some cases it was possible to save the family. It is enough to know how to behave correctly if the husband is drunk and behaves inappropriately.

The essence of the problem

Unfortunately, now often women are faced with the fact that their husband drinks and does not sleep at home. Of course, such behavior cannot be considered normal, and the wife has to be constantly nervous if close person drink alcohol all day long. Because if he left for the whole night and does not make himself felt, then thoughts arise whether everything is in order with him, because he is in a state of intoxication.

An alcoholic in a family can behave differently: some know how to control themselves, even going into a binge, others bring their spouse to a divorce. But in any case, a drunkard brings grief to his loved ones, because taking ethanol is harmful, and gradually a person kills himself.

It is much worse if the husband drinks and begins to humiliate the woman, and this happens regularly. Often because of this, the wife leaves, because she is not ready to tolerate a drinker and at the same time an aggressive one. But there are also spouses who are devoted to a man, love him and therefore tolerate drunken antics. It is especially difficult for them, because it is impossible to endure a name-calling husband and at the same time remain happy.

It is important to know what to do if the husband drinks and insults. Because if you take certain measures, then there is a chance to return normal relationship and save the family.

If offends

Having gone into a binge, for a week or a month, a person's behavior becomes less and less adequate every day. And the more he drinks, the more problems calls. Some become aggressive and cannot control their emotions, which are much more pronounced when drunk.

Because of this, the drinking husband begins to humiliate his wife, calls her names and tries in every possible way to bring her to tears. If this happened once, then you need to try to forget about what happened. It is good if the spouse admitted his guilt and apologized, promising not to repeat this. Perhaps he will keep his word, and will not have to part with him.

However, if a person drank almost every day and regularly insulted, then any patience would not be enough. The easiest way would be to file for divorce so that you do not have to endure humiliation and suffer because of this. But the situation becomes more complicated if there is common child or several children. Then a woman has reasons to want to save her family and return love. It should be remembered that if a husband swears, you saw him in response, then nothing good will come of it. Wise woman knows that aggression will not achieve the desired result.

How to be:

• Do not be rude in response, do not call names and do not try to humiliate.
• Do not interrupt, do not leave, listen with a calm expression on your face.
• Do not use force, as even a slap in the face can provoke a man to violent actions.
• Try not to shout, you can raise your voice a little if necessary.
• There is no point in a fit of anger to explain anything. You need to wait until the husband has cooled down, and only then try to talk to him.

However, if such behavior does not help, and only a break between drinking has been achieved, then you should consider whether you need to live with such a person.

Maybe it's time to walk away and stop fighting for the relationship.

If it changes

It is not uncommon for a husband to walk around drinking a large dose of alcohol. You can be suspected of treason if the spouse did not spend the night at home for one or several days, and also began to consistently stay very late at work or not come to his wife at all. Of course, you should not immediately conclude that he has another girlfriend, because he can only spend time with friends. However, if it seems that he began to walk, then it is worth looking for evidence.

But first you need to decide for yourself whether you want to know the truth or it will be easier to pretend that nothing happened. Because if it really turns out that he cheated once or is often wrong, then the relationship will not be the same.

How to behave:

• Try to understand what prompted him to change. Perhaps the wife became cold, feelings faded, relations deteriorated due to scandals. However, you should not get carried away, justifying your husband, because betrayal for any reason is an unworthy act.
• Don't throw a tantrum, don't cry or beg. Even if he stays with you out of pity, the couple will not be happy from this. If he fell in love with another, then you should not hold him back.
• When filing for divorce, you do not need to change your mind because of persuasion and gifts. Remember that if you cheated once, then you will betray a second time. If you are not ready to put up with this, then there is no point in maintaining a relationship with the wrong person.
• If you decide to forgive, then never remember what happened and do not reproach.
• Set a demand - to be treated for alcohol addiction if he wants to stay at home.

In general, we can say that a walking husband should not be tolerated, unless the woman herself is prone to adultery. Because unfaithful men are extremely rarely corrected, in best case they pretend to be good for a while.

The fight against addiction

When the problem is alcoholism, then it is important to overcome this disease to build relationships. It will not be enough to say “do not drink”, certain measures will need to be taken.

A woman needs to be ready to go through a difficult path, because the fight against addiction is difficult for everyone.

You can try at home to defeat cravings for alcohol. To do this, you must first and substances of its decay. A person should not even allow himself to drink sometimes, so as not to break loose. You need to adjust your diet, use vitamins to normalize the work of your body.

Folk remedies can be used as a supplement, but not as the main method of treatment. Because healing decoctions can support the work of organs, but are not effective enough to combat addiction. Therefore, you should use medications if you want to achieve a positive result.

IN last resort, you will need to contact a clinic where they are struggling with cravings for alcohol. Specialists will help a person recognize the existence of a problem, as well as set up resistance to addiction. The clinic puts droppers, prescribes drugs that can help. The condition of a person is closely monitored by doctors, and they will really help to defeat alcoholism.

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2 comments

How great it is when harmony and mutual understanding reign in the family, and most importantly - respect between spouses. How important it is that those relations that were before the painting in the registry office are preserved for many years. A young man in love gives his hand when his girlfriend gets out of the car, runs towards him to help carry a heavy package from the store, answers the call not only during the day, but also at night, affectionately calls him “his girl”, “sunshine”, “joy” …

But, unfortunately, nothing lasts forever under the moon, and in many couples, after long years of marriage, something happens that “bunnies” and “kitties” sob into the pillow at night. The husband begins to insult his wife, humiliate, and generally becomes a different person, a terrible person. So what is it? A crisis? Loss of respect or loss of a man? In this article, we will analyze the current situation in detail.

Why does a husband insult and humiliate his wife: possible reasons

So, the affectionate “paws” and “fishies” are replaced by cold, so unfamiliar and unpleasant words that you don’t even want to say out loud. Why does this happen? There can be many reasons and the main thing is to get to the bottom of the truth, then there is a chance to fix something and save the family.

Unfortunately, constant humiliation and insults against the wife can fly due to the fact that another woman has appeared, with whom the husband subconsciously compares his soul mate. Realizing, so to speak, the imperfection of his wife and wanting to leave her for a new chosen one, a man can behave extremely inadequately, make claims, speak unflatteringly about absolutely everything: appearance, cleaning the apartment, cooking and so on. Why is the man doing this? Most likely, for himself, he decided that he would leave the family for a beautiful homemaker, but he could not solve this problem in a civilized way - through negotiations and amicable separation, then an attempt was made to push his wife away from him. It all comes down to the fact that a tired and morally exhausted woman will be the first to file for divorce and thus untie the hands of her husband.

But not necessarily another woman can be the cause. On the Internet, you can find many humorous statuses about life after marriage, one of which is as follows: “Girls get married thin so that it is easier to get into the house, and over the years they get fat, so it was hard to push out.” Both funny and sad. Indeed, there are women who, after receiving the coveted stamp in their passport, forget about themselves. And it’s good if this is temporary, for example, after the birth of a child, when a young mother simply does not have the strength to monitor the balance of fats and proteins, there are no funds for fresh manicure and there is no desire to do hair removal in the bikini area. What if it's just plain lazy? Not every man is ready to endure a haggard, radically changed not in better side, wife, even though he muttered something similar to “both in illness and old age ...” there in the registry office. And every man wants to return home from work to a clean apartment and find at least three dishes on the stove, which in our modern times great rarity.

Another one important reason- relationship crisis. A stereotype has long been formed that "love lives for three years." And what about after? A man lacks the attention of his wife, he feels lost, like that mammoth from the cartoon, and in order to somehow attract the attention of his wife, he begins to behave incorrectly. That's how they often do it troubled teenagers who are missing their parents. They are ready to blow up the school, if only their parents could see them. But they achieve only the opposite result.

There is, of course, a type of men who, by humiliating and insulting a woman, the mother of their children, are simply trying to throw off the stress accumulated during the day. A tired man returns home and everything starts to annoy him. It's simple weak person he can't handle his emotions. And the simplest thing is to throw all the negativity at the one who is closer. It’s not for nothing that they say that you won’t say nasty things to a stranger, because you can get it, and relatives are supposedly created for this only.

Many men, unfortunately, when creating a family and losing the help of their parents, really realize that they do not bear the entire burden of responsibility for a woman, children ... a cat. They lack self-respect, ambitions grow, and there is no possibility of realization. I want to buy new shoes, as they were in my university years, but the child needs warm overalls, I want a car, but they don’t approve of a loan, I want to go to Turkey with friends, and here is this family, for which the man was not ready. And then the failed head of the family falls into depression, ceases to act. At first he blames himself for not being able to do anything, and then he finds the extreme in his wife. And then, at the address of a woman innocent of male insolvency, rude words and expressions fly.

And it also happens that both started from scratch, graduated from the same university, but the wife’s career took off much faster than her husband’s. suffered male ego. And this is what caused the constant humiliation of insults. In other words, humiliation in attempts to assert themselves. It doesn't happen that often, but it does happen.

What is better not to do when faced with humiliation and insults from the spouse

The most important thing is not to respond to rudeness with rudeness. No need to feed the "inner demons" of your man, this will only inflame aggression.

No need to cut in the heat of the moment, collect things and leave the house. If it suits a man new woman), that is, the risk of losing a family. Of course, it’s not worth sitting with a downtrodden mouse, taking everything as it is, but running away from the problem is also not an option.

It is absolutely useless to try to change something radically: give birth or adopt a child, leave work, invite your mother or mother-in-law to live.

What to do if a husband morally humiliates his wife?

To begin with, nevertheless, find out the reason for this behavior and, based on this, think about what to do next. It all depends on the degree of resentment and love for a man.

Of course, if a man harasses for a long time and eventually asks for a divorce, it is worth letting him go. You don't have to hurt him or yourself.

Nekrasov was always sad about the "women's share", because the truth is, a Russian woman endures everything, forgives, justifies. Is it worth it? Many psychologists strongly recommend not to hesitate and disagree with such a person, to find worthy man, build new family. It's easiest to leave. Is it necessary? If this continues for a short period of time, a woman sees that her husband is ill, he is suffering, and all this results in such behavior, then perhaps you should just turn your shoulder. The woman is the rear fighting girlfriend, a quiet harbor. It is a woman who can lift her man from the bottom and give him useful advice, help, support, soothe. Who if not her? So many years of building relationships, building your own nest, getting used to habits, learning to love, so that everything disappears overnight?

It is worth trying with affection, warmth and tenderness to restore trust in the family and human relation. Change the scenery by choosing an interesting route for a walk, for example. Or remember the years before marriage, go to your favorite cafe, try to talk, return romance to the family.

You can really take care of yourself. A woman who loves herself and respects herself subconsciously evokes the same feeling in other people. Moreover, the spouse will note confidence and change.

And, of course, you need to pronounce everything. All problems, omissions, grievances must be voiced. Perhaps the man no longer notices that he calls his woman somehow unpleasant for her. Maybe “chicken” is absolutely normal for him? Shutting yourself in and swallowing tears of pain is not an option.

Let's summarize. If a loved one allowed himself rudeness, humiliation or offensive expressions against his woman, you need to start from the source of such behavior, having decided on the problem, try to discuss it without emotions, on a cold head. And if the spouse really needs marriage and this person, try to cover the insults and sorrows with love and care. If there is no point in maintaining these relationships, then only you can think about a pause (for everyone to understand themselves) or a break.

Of course, women really do not like it when their husbands lie, especially if this happens regularly. What to do to wean a loved one from this bad habit and return him to the path of truth and virtue? There are several ways, but first you need to find out the reason why the husband does not want to tell his wife the truth. This can be either a habit that a man “infected” in childhood, or a deliberate lie, when the spouse categorically does not want his significant other to be aware of his big and small secrets.

To save her husband from constant lies, a woman should choose one of the following tactics:

1. Sometimes in a relationship with a lying spouse, a scandal arranged by his missus can be effective. Moreover, some women themselves enjoy this process and consider it effective impact on her husband's behavior. But in fact, scandals have a short-term effect on a deceitful spouse, who, after such a storm of emotions splashed out on him by his wife, may hide for a while, but later he will begin to lie again, moreover, more sophisticatedly, more carefully thinking through every word he said to his wife, so that again don't fall for lies.

2. A woman can mirror her husband's answer to a lie and, in response to his lie, tell her lie. Over time, the man will understand why this is happening, and think about his behavior. Most of the stronger sex cannot stand it when their significant other lies, and in this case, the woman will do it for show. A man will have no choice but to sit down with his beloved for " round table”And during the negotiations, put all the dots on the i and stop mutual lies.

3. Accept your spouse for who they are. All normal men want to be loved and understood by their wives. They enjoy when the other half rejoices in their success and shares their hobbies. Do not "saw" your husband if he is going to Soccer game. Better go to the stadium with him. If he is tired after work and decided to lie in front of the TV, hug him and lie next to him, preferably silently. If he wants to, he will talk to you. Does your husband like to collect model airplanes or trains? Give him a construction kit as a gift. Such an understanding and caring wife is unlikely to want to lie.

4. Finally, be honest with him. Without trusting relationship it is impossible to build happiness in a family. Both sides should be open to dialogue, only in this case mutual understanding can be achieved. If you find fault with your husband for the most innocent lies or boasting, you will not achieve anything other than his isolation and unwillingness to tell you about anything. If a woman trusts a man, then it will be easier for him to tell the truth, no matter how unpleasant or controversial it is.