Distrust in the family between spouses can become an obsession, the reason for which is insecurity in each other. If distrust of a partner is rooted in the past of the person who experiences this feeling, it can slowly but surely destroy relationships and marriages. As a rule, distrust in the family is based on the past, negative experience and has nothing to do with reality. But constant fears and experiences can seriously harm the psyche.

Of course, it happens that distrust of one of the spouses is quite justified, for example, if there were mistakes on his part: betrayal, betrayal, lies. But still, if one of the partners has forgiven the other for his sins, and they are trying to improve relations together, the result will not be long in coming, and the atmosphere in the family will change in better side. True, this does not always happen, and what if suspicion and distrust of a wife or husband continues to destroy family life?

The main thing is not to “chop off the shoulder” and try to fix everything. Distrust in the family provokes constant accusations against each other, most often completely unfounded, which over time can cause negative feelings and completely “kill” the remnants of trust. Do not forget that distrust can cause extremes: jealousy, suspicion, or feelings of strong emotional excitement. Due to endless quarrels and conflicts, the marriage eventually breaks up.

Often a husband and wife do not understand or do not want to understand that they spend too little time together, talk little and do not try to hear each other, each strives to defend his case. family life also annoying, on the basis of which there are quarrels and conflicts. It is important to learn to understand each other, try to take the side of the partner and understand why he acted in any situation this way and not otherwise.

In a woman, distrust is often rooted in childhood, for example, if she grew up in incomplete family, where a single mother constantly had claims and resentments for ex-husband. The mother, who, although she did not specifically demonstrate a negative attitude towards men, with her fear and tightness in communicating with the stronger sex, unwittingly provoked the appearance of the same problems and unhealthy suspicion of men in her daughter. Subsequently, the grown-up daughter transfers all this to her family, she develops a distrust of her husband, often not justified. Also, if in the family of one of the spouses there was a constant depreciation of the personality, humiliation, this inevitably leads to the development of pathological distrust in his real marriage. For example, when a mother or father kept telling a child about his clumsiness, unattractiveness, poor studies, etc. As an adult, such a person, on a subconscious level, does not believe that someone can love, appreciate and respect him, considering such an attitude not sincere to yourself.

The reason for distrust may be that love is usually presented as a path to happiness and the achievement of a cherished dream. But this feeling dual in nature, being at the same time the direct aspiration of any expectations and dreams. Accordingly, in this case love arises not for a partner, but for oneself.

In order to get rid of distrust in the family, it is important to sit down and talk frankly with each other, discuss all the existing problems, the causes of conflicts and find ways to solve them. It is important not to withdraw into yourself, not to try to blame only your spouse for all the troubles and misfortunes, you must try to understand the person, what is happening to him and what this behavior is connected with. The main thing to remember is that there is always a way out.

The common truth that relationships are based on trust is often under attack. life situations in which suspicions take over and lead to quarrels and conflicts. How to behave when trust is fading?

First of all in family relationships several types of relationships should be singled out, which build their own rules of relationships, in accordance with which we can already talk about issues of trust.

1. Trust between husband and wife. It is this type of trust that is taken as the basis for building new family. It is with men and women, their life together the formation of a new social microgroup - the family - begins. Here distrust can be both in small things (decision financial matters, choice of vacation spot, small purchase), and at the global level (responsibility for safety, the ability to find a way out of the situation, doubts about fidelity). The result will be one - suspicions, quarrels, scandals. If you do not establish communication, do not find out the reasons for suspicion, then in the end such a problem will lead to a divorce.

Solution: Try to spend more time together. Share your problems with the other half. Even if you are sure that he (she) will not cope with the task, let him complete it - then correct or correct it. You should not constantly reproach and criticize - it is better to offer your help or give advice, as you would do it. If you do not have enough attention (and this is justified), then you can, for example, install a cell signal suppressor, if your spouse, even at home, cannot help but be distracted by work issues. You can find a common hobby or go on a trip for a few days. Do not forget that at the beginning of the relationship there was no question of trust, try to analyze the situation.

2. Trust of parents to the child. Often we complain that the husband is not decisive, and the wife is spoiled. Such problems originate in parenting. So, the meek "home" boy lacked parental confidence in independence, and the "capricious" girl, on the contrary, received too much trust without the necessary restrictions, as a result, she got used to being trusted to solve any issue.

Frequent conflicts between parents and child can also be a trust issue. Constant restrictions and control over the child lead to aggression.

Output: In order for a child to grow up as an independent person, one should not limit trust in him, but it is also important to form clear life principles. Don't be afraid to trust your child to make their own decisions. Do not control his every action.

3. Trust of the child to parents. If the child has withdrawn into himself, then most likely he does not trust you. This can lead to both discord in your relationship and psychological disorders of the baby himself.

Exit: Try to find out the reason. You may need the help of a psychologist. Don't leave the situation to chance. When you go to a psychologist, you can take a bug and radio bug detector with you if you do not want your conversation to be recorded. Do not create a psychologically uncomfortable situation.

4. Trust between children. If there are several kids in the house, then mistrust between them can lead to jealousy and confrontation.

Solution: Give equal attention to all babies, do not single out one of them. Try to form in them responsibility for each other, do not oppose their good and bad qualities.

Only in the interaction of all aspects of trust will the family become united and harmonious, and all of you will be truly close and dear people.

In the article you will learn:

How to restore trust in a relationship

Hi all! Distrust is the sword that will destroy any family happiness! So I propose sheathing it and discussing how to restore trust in a relationship what to do and what not to do.

Compliance

What is trust anyway? Remember the Hedgehog in the Fog?

I'm sure, do you hear? I will, - said the Bear cub. The hedgehog nodded. - I will definitely come to you, no matter what happens. I will always be by your side. The hedgehog looked at the Bear cub with quiet eyes and was silent. - Well, what are you silent? - I believe, - said the Hedgehog.

So, trust is confidence in your partner, no doubt about his feelings, constancy in maintaining relationships. If there was a trusting atmosphere in the parents' family, everything is in order with self-esteem and the couple does not give in to the bad influence of the environment, then I am calm for them. Such a union Everything will be fine, unlike those couples in which people never trusted each other. But, unfortunately, the ability to trust specific person is a non-constant constant.

Why do we stop trusting

Mutual trust is a very fragile, tender, frugality-requiring property of the interaction of two people, which can change for the worse or be completely lost for many reasons:

Also, the ability to trust a person is often lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and sometimes these moments pass unconsciously for us. For example, we confess our love, and ourselves in some situation neglected husband or loved one. They even forgot to explain. They promised to do something, and then technically “moved out” from the promise. They did not attach importance to the important, they did not take into account, they were indifferent. This typical mistakes which we often assume. Therefore, as you can see, we humans break everything ourselves. So let's build!

Mutual aspiration

First rule: two must learn to trust each other again. A very common mistake is that one admits guilt, seeks forgiveness and waits for indulgence. The other, being in the role of "judge" and "observer", does nothing, or encourages: "try harder!". And sometimes they don't want to talk at all.

After all, to forgive does not mean to be confident in a partner now and then, in the future. Conversely, you can store old grudge, but to know that in the future a loved one will not allow this anymore, because he loves and appreciates. That's why trust can only be restored if it is a two-way traffic just like in any human relationship.

And such powerful emotions, How guilt, anger, resentment, a sense of one's sinfulness, they are destructive and the highest degreeharmful to any union. And even nominal forgiveness will not bring saving energy and inspiration. Consequently, such a partnership will sooner or later fall apart.

Honest communication

Therefore, the second rule sincerity and openness. When the "judge" does not punish, and also does not hide his suffering and feelings to another. After all cannot be returned trusting relationship or deserve them.

Feel the difference: they are re-created by two open friend to a friend of souls when hearts have nothing to hide. And it is truly a wonderful process. If partners can comprehend it, they will become even stronger than before.

To be sincere, you need talk to the person as you would talk to yourself. If certain thoughts and emotions erupt from the depths of the soul, there is no need to cover up and pretend to be.

That's it, trust in a relationship!

Remember how direct we were in childhood: we didn’t think about how, why and what we say, even if adults pulled us up. But now we are also aware of our emotions and needs, so now is the time to be a child.

Reaching agreements

But sincerity alone is not enough, so the third rule is readiness to change, to hear your boyfriend, make sure they hear you. That is, do not try to adjust each other for yourself, but find opportunities to change something in yourself. Thus, reach agreements and solutions that will satisfy both.

Unfortunately, this is one of the most difficult stages, because pride, self-righteousness they prevent you from going towards another, especially if he was convicted of lying, treason, inappropriate behavior, etc. And everything will become like in a movie:

Do you believe me? - In theory!

A fight is for a fool, for a smart one - victory

To learn how to compromise and trust in practice, spiritual exercises are very helpful. They subdue the ego and nurture the spirit. Ideal Situation if you develop spiritually together - attend seminars, courses or practice at home.

There are main types of techniques:

There are many such practices. Each person has his own, once forgotten or actively used. For example, prayer in the temple, rituals, trips to places of power, reading special books or watching films about the development of the spirit(read my article “Films about self-development and self-improvement”). There is also a technique of affirmations, repeated phrases, which I will talk about shortly.

To summarize, as we can see, there are three fundamental rules, without which it is impossible to restore trust: re-learn together, speak sincerely and negotiate. And the most comforting thing about this is that much is in our power and our hands! Therefore, dare, love and trust each other!

I hope my article was helpful to you. If yes, then share with your friends!

Also I will be glad to your comments.

With love, June. Bye everyone!

P.S. Don't forget to subscribe!

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 4 minutes

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What is the relationship between the two based on? "Three whales" happy family life- This mutual feelings, full mutual understanding and, of course, trust. Moreover, the last "whale" is the most solid and important. Trust is easy to lose, but hard to win. What to do if trust in the family is lost? How to restore it?

The most common causes of loss of trust in the family

A relationship without trust is always torture for both. And I don’t want to lose my dear half (after all, I’ve gone through and experienced so much together!) And ... no more strength pretend everything is fine. Running away is always easier, but it's still worth at least trying to restore trust in the relationship. The main thing is to identify the causes of the “disease” and correctly prescribe the “treatment”. The main reasons for the loss of trust:

• Treason. It cuts trust to the root - immediately and, as a rule, irrevocably. Even if both pretend that nothing happened, sooner or later this painful memory box will still open. Not to mention that one half will constantly doubt the second - is it really at work, or maybe again somewhere with someone, or maybe not from work, they call him (her) in the evenings?
• Jealousy. Green monster, the destroyer of any relationship. And the main indicator is that it is time to change something in the family. Jealousy is a 100% indicator that there is no trust in a partner. Jealousy, like a worm, gnaws a feeling from the inside to the very foundation, if you don’t stop in time and think - is there any point in being jealous? And who gets better from it?
• Lie. Large, small, in understatement or hidden facts, insignificant and frequent, or rare and monstrous. Lying undermines trust on the second try (the first one is usually forgiven and swallowed).
• Mismatch of words and actions. Even the hottest words about love cease to matter if there is indifference and neglect of a partner in actions. If this behavior is not temporary crisis period with certain reasons, but true indifference, then sooner or later trust, and after it the relationship, will come to an end.
• The lack of trust is still in the candy-bouquet period. That is, the illusion of trust initial stage, but actually either fateful meeting two chronic "gulen", or never degenerated into true love feeling.
• Unjustified expectations. When they promise the moon from the sky and "all life in their hands", but in fact they live like neighbors in a hostel.

Rebuilding trust in a relationship is extremely difficult. But if you really want and be patient, you can give the relationship a second life.

The main mistakes when trying to restore trust in the family - do not make them!

Everyone has their own attempts to regain the partner’s trust - according to the situation and the strength of the feeling (if it remains). The main thing here is to carefully analyze what happened after all:

• What could undermine your partner's trust in you?
• Do you still have the same feelings for him?
• Are you afraid of losing your soul mate or can you do without it?
• Are you ready to conquer it again?
• What has changed in you since the moment when the partner trusted you completely and completely?
• How exactly do you understand the word "trust"?

If you understand that you can’t do without your partner and are ready to start everything from scratch, avoid the most common mistakes:

• Don't blame your partner for losing trust. Trust - it involves the participation of two. And the blame, respectively, falls equally on both.
• Any accusation is a road to nowhere. It is impossible to restore trust by throwing reproaches. Start building, and do not continue the path of family destruction.
• Don't try to buy your partner's trust. No gifts or trips can cover the feeling that a “black hole” has formed in your family (we are not talking about relationships of convenience in this case).
• Don't be intrusive in your quest to "redeem." If you cheated on your partner, and now circle around him like a bee, carry coffee to bed and bake kulebyaki every evening, ingratiatingly looking into the eyes “have you already forgiven or still coffee with kulebyaka?”, It is unlikely that you will be reciprocated. IN best case, a partner with a royal look will favorably accept your "gifts". But after that, there will still be a climax with a showdown. The sincerity of your concern simply will not be believed after you for a long time they ran away, slamming the door, gritted their teeth, or defiantly went to spend the night with their mother. Insincerity at such a moment will be especially acutely felt.
• Enough words! It is pointless to swear and beat yourself with a heel in the chest “yes, without you ...” If you are not trusted, you will not be believed.
• Don't be humiliated. Crawling on your knees and begging for forgiveness also does not make sense. You will fall even more in the eyes of your partner.
• Do not try to ask friends and relatives to "talk heart to heart" with a partner. The pride of the partner will not stand it. Everything that happens in the family should stay in the family.
• It is strictly forbidden to use children for these purposes. Manipulate your partner using the "think of the kids!" or inciting children to influence dad is the worst option.

10 surest ways to restore trust in the family - how to restore relationships?

Where to begin? What to do? What steps to take so that your partner is looking at you again loving eyes? After analyzing the situation, feeling sorry for yourself and taking into account all possible errors, remember - what experts say in such a situation:

• Admit you are wrong (guilt) if you are wrong. There is no point in proving that you were honest if you really were lying. This will only exacerbate the conflict.
• Talk to your partner about what happened. Sincerely, honestly. Find a moment when your partner will be able to listen and hear you.
• The reason for distrust is his jealousy? Eliminate from your life everything that can provoke new suspicions of your partner - coordinates, meetings, even thoughts about the object that you are jealous of. Jealousy is groundless? Tell your partner that there is no reason for her. And change your life. Perhaps you yourself give reasons to your partner to be jealous of you - too bright makeup, too much short skirts, working late, incomprehensible calls home, a password-protected computer, etc. If you have nothing to hide, be open about everything. If you value your partner's trust, you don't need to dress for work like you would for a Miss World pageant. Of course, there are also such jealous people for whom the reason is even the smile of the seller, sent to you in passing in the store. But this is already “from another opera”, and a completely different topic.
• Do not try to return everything as it was, immediately after the conflict. Give your partner time to recover, think and analyze the situation.
• Is the reason for the loss of trust an established fact of your infidelity? Whatever you do will depend on whether he has the strength to forgive you. Don’t humiliate yourself, don’t beg, don’t give details, and don’t throw tantrums like “you didn’t pay enough attention to me” or “I was drunk, forgive me, fool.” Just admit your guilt, calmly report that this happened because of your great stupidity, and explain to your partner that you do not want to lose him, but you will accept any of his decisions. If he made the decision to leave you, you still won't keep him. Therefore, any tricks, pleas and humiliation will not be in your favor.
• Without fawning and not being imposed, without remembering the causes of the conflict, without picturesqueness, sincerely start living with clean slate like you just met today. The partner will either be forced to reorganize, dot the “and” and support you, or (if he has already internally made a decision for himself that he can no longer trust you) will leave.
• Standing on hard way restore trust, do not involve your relatives in this process. They will be redundant. Everything should be decided only between you.
• If the partner is able to talk with you and even meets halfway, offer him a joint trip. You will have the opportunity to calmly discuss all your problems, and there will be a chance to "open a second wind" for your feelings.
• Prove to your partner that you are ready to fight for your love - you are ready for compromises, concessions, ready to resolve issues without tantrums “in a human way”, that you are ready to listen and hear your partner.
• Did your partner forgive you? Never return to the past. Build the future on absolute openness, mutual support and understanding.

And remember that no one will give you a second chance.

In happy friendly families Husband and wife always trust each other. If a husband and wife are friends, like-minded people, true comrades, then they do not have this question. Well, in the case when a married couple is based only on emotional contact and physical proximity, then cases of distrust, suspicion, jealousy are not excluded. Trust in the family must be cultivated, not allowing a husband or wife, even as a joke, as if innocently hinting that gullibility is dangerous, that one must “trust, but verify”, etc. Anyone who hears such remarks should respond to them immediately and categorically, because. in them, as it were, in the embryo, latently, but already swarming the worm of doubt and mistrust. Distrust in a person, in a friend, in a wife or husband is the cause of the frustration and death of many seemingly wonderful marriages.

No wonder the truth says: "Happiness is when you are understood." Thus, it is necessary to strive to build your relationships in the family on the basis of warm, trusting communication.

Trust in the family is a great value, it must be created and protected. Then it will not be a shame to invite love and happiness to such a family.

Happy family relationships should not be based on love, but on the basis of their construction on reasonable grounds. They should suit you so much that you no longer need love awe.

And when such wonderful relationships are built, it will no longer be a shame to invite love on their solid foundation: it will sanctify and enchant your relationship. Love should be invited into the family as a dear guest, and not used for ongoing repairs of constantly falling apart relationships, as is often the case in some families.